BAH!  10:20 am January 19, 2012

Perry Dropping Out to Play More Scrabble With Huntsman

by Liz Colville

Rick Perry is finally dropping out of the Republican race Thursday, and will endorse Newt Gingrich because it’s just more fun that way. He will now return in shame to Texas to command-in-chief his Burundi-sized army and obsessively read over all his old emails to Jesus for clues about why Jesus dumped him and maybe whatever else Rick Perry used to do besides dare to dream about the presidency, troll eBay for bulk hair products, probably. Was it something he said?

Perry will be announcing his decision at a press conference in North Charleston at 11AM this morning, the day of the candidates’ final debate in South Carolina and two days before Saturday’s primary. Like his good pal and Words With Friends partner Jon Huntsman, who dropped out Monday, Perry is not doing so hot in South Carolina polls … at all, despite his now long-expired potential appeal to social conservatives there. His slim-to-invisible standing in SC carried over from New Hampshire and Iowa, where he placed sixth and fifth respectively. Nothing too complicated here: it was the gaffes, which led to unfortunate W. comparisons, to which the public apparently wisely remarked, “Too soon.”

Things went from bad to worse this week when Perry said Monday that he believed that Turkey, a U.S. ally, is run by “Islamic terrorists.” He then proceeded to spend all week backing up his claim, unable to divorce the fact that he was once stationed in Turkey as an Air Force pilot from the fact that he fundamentally does not understand what’s going on there. Oops, indeed.

On that note, some of Perry’s golden moments from the campaign trail.

“Treasonous”

“Oops”

“Speed of Light”

“Turkey”

[LA Times]

 
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{ 186 comments }

Barb January 19, 2012 at 10:43 am

Rick Perry was once a Democrat. Just once, in college. He was experimenting.

Terry January 19, 2012 at 10:54 am

Representatives of the Texas Democratic Party helped him fill out the form to make him a Republican.

weej_bain January 19, 2012 at 11:02 am

Did he inhale?????

SorosBot January 19, 2012 at 11:03 am

Did he spit or did he swallow?

Barb January 19, 2012 at 11:10 am

Only idiots spit.

MildMidwesterner January 19, 2012 at 11:06 am

I also spent my college years trying to get some ass, but I never once considered the Democrat's donkey mascot as an acceptable option.

LesBontemps January 19, 2012 at 11:19 am

You're not from Texas, obvs.

jamieboy1234 January 19, 2012 at 11:45 am

He went to college? It doesn't show.

Mumblety██ January 19, 2012 at 10:44 am

*rolls eyes heavenward*

Thank you Mother-lovin' beJeezus, for getting this yokelized tumor off the national stage!

MissNancyPriss January 19, 2012 at 10:44 am

He's all yours again, Texas.

ElPinche January 19, 2012 at 10:48 am

Ugg.

Texan_Bulldog January 19, 2012 at 10:51 am

Ditto. Too. Also.

chascates January 19, 2012 at 10:59 am

*sigh* When's his current term up?

ElPinche January 19, 2012 at 11:07 am

It doesn't matter. Another one his good ole boy Niggerhead hunting buddies are next up for bat.

Chillwillard January 19, 2012 at 11:01 am

I'm leaving as soon as I can find a jerb in another state.

Biff January 19, 2012 at 11:23 am

So you're in it for the long haul, then?

BaldarTFlagass January 19, 2012 at 10:58 am

*Runs screaming from room, inserts red-hot knitting needles in eyes.*

"Ten more years!?!?!?"

fartknocker January 19, 2012 at 11:02 am

Damn it.

weej_bain January 19, 2012 at 11:04 am

Maybe y'all could make a trade with Wisconsin?

SudsMcKenzie January 19, 2012 at 11:08 am

We dont even want him.

Monsieur_Grumpe January 19, 2012 at 11:27 am

Dear Texas, If it makes you feel any better, we got Michele Bachmann back. *sniff*

Not_So_Much January 19, 2012 at 12:51 pm

We all have our burdens to bear (Larry Craig is still here in Idaho with his super-tuber), but I feel the worst for you. Between what falls out of her cake-hole and Marcus bedazzling the entire state, it must be fucking horrible…

Fukui_sanYesOta January 19, 2012 at 10:44 am

I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm a Christian, but you don't need to be in the pew every Sunday to know there's something wrong in this country when gays can serve openly in the military but our Presidential candidates can't accuse key allies of being Islamic terrorist states or have no clue about politics in general.

As a loser, I'll support Gringich's war on povertons. And I'll justify liberal attacks on our intellects.

Bigotry, pig-ignorance and class warfare made America strong. They can make her strong again.

I'm Rick Perry and I approve this message.

Vote Newt Gingrich.

(also, that blingee is sublime)

slithytoves January 19, 2012 at 11:10 am

"That blingee" and "sublime" = greatest oxymoron in the history of adjectives. Congrats!

ttommyunger January 19, 2012 at 10:45 am

Never had corn dog in my 70 years; now I'm sure I never will. Thank You, Wonkette.

Monsieur_Grumpe January 19, 2012 at 11:28 am

My wife eats them and I'm OK with that.

ttommyunger January 19, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Mine too, excepts it's more along the lines of a Vienna Sausage-Puppy (holds head in hand and sobs).

Tundra Grifter January 19, 2012 at 12:07 pm

ttug:

A number of years ago we were walking along the beach next to the Santa Cruz Boardwalk.

There was a long string of corndogs tossed onto the sand – a single bite had been taken out of each one.

I became convinced they probably weren't very good.

ttommyunger January 19, 2012 at 5:16 pm

I take a hint when the squirrels and birds won't eat something offered (also with Bagels).

Mojopo January 19, 2012 at 12:08 pm

Best Blingee evarrrrr! Inspired.

ttommyunger January 19, 2012 at 5:15 pm

It is waaay cool, Dude!

ttommyunger January 20, 2012 at 8:22 am

The craving wuz flung on him too strong.

smashedinhat January 19, 2012 at 10:45 am

Should be fun watching Sarah Palin and Rick Perry positioning themselves within the Newt juggernaut. The stupid, it burns!

nounverb911 January 19, 2012 at 10:45 am

This is bad news for Texas.

ElPinche January 19, 2012 at 10:49 am

It's like the shitty step father moving back in.

jus_wonderin January 19, 2012 at 10:58 am

If he beats us, it's okay to shoot him, right?

GayInMaine January 19, 2012 at 11:07 am

Mom says he's changed and it'll be different this time.

yrbmegr January 19, 2012 at 10:56 am

Perhaps Texas can manage not to vote for Perry again.

chascates January 19, 2012 at 11:00 am

Texas has so many shitty politicians Perry's absence the past few months has not even been noticed.

Moonbatting Average January 19, 2012 at 1:09 pm

After each Perry gaffe, I imagined Bill White sitting at home, shouting at the TV "I can't believe I lost to that guy!!!", John Lovitz-style

Barb January 19, 2012 at 10:46 am

I can't wait to see the ABC interview with Newt's ex tonight! I bet Callista gets so pissed that she will momentarily have a hint of color in her face.

Limeylizzie January 19, 2012 at 10:54 am

http://news.yahoo.com/exclusive-gingrich-lacks-mo

Apparently he wanted an open marriage….ladies we missed such a chance.

Barb January 19, 2012 at 11:04 am

I was just reading some of the replies on the bloggies. People are saying that ABC wants to "trash Newt" before the election. I think it is hilarious.

elviouslyqueer January 19, 2012 at 11:18 am

Ye gods. Why do I subject myself to the Yahoo comment board? I would throw myself out of the window in despair, only I'm on the first floor and really don't want to crush the azalea bushes.

Barb January 19, 2012 at 11:24 am

EQ, I can't go there! I went once and it made me physically ill to see what some people say there.

Callyson January 19, 2012 at 12:15 pm

I wish Mayor Nutter would tell them to stop being idiots and assholes.

JustPixelz January 19, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Newt wants an open marriage with Calista on the side. The offended ex-wife is speaking about it, not some reporter or pundit. And those people think ABC is in the wrong. There's definitely a part of "family values" I don't actually understand.

SudsMcKenzie January 19, 2012 at 11:10 am

Well, now he has a three-some, … ohhh and Santorum.

ThundercatHo January 19, 2012 at 11:11 am

Damnit. Guess I'll just have to be satisfied with tall, dark, handsome, svelte and actually smart.

SorosBot January 19, 2012 at 11:16 am

So all the diamonds from Tiffany's weren't enough for her?

SudsMcKenzie January 19, 2012 at 10:58 am

Oohh, they just said the "big deal" is the "Goblin" wanted his marriage as open as a NH primary.

jus_wonderin January 19, 2012 at 10:58 am

That requires blood though, doesn't it?

weej_bain January 19, 2012 at 11:07 am

Callista is the whiter and New the wider shade of pale. Even if they were wearing sheets you couldn't tell.

MrFizzy January 19, 2012 at 11:14 am

wouldn't it be great if they had the balls to put in a Callista-cam?

BerkeleyBear January 19, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Why do I suddenly have an image of balls in Callista's face (ie, the "job interview" tape)?

JustPixelz January 19, 2012 at 11:16 am

"… she will momentarily have a hint of color in her face."

As a person of color, she'll never vote for him.

Biff January 19, 2012 at 11:28 am

OMG–the palor, the rictus grin–she's been pre-embalmed, it's so obvious to me now!

Barrelhse January 19, 2012 at 11:30 am

Callista just might drunk-dial her former placeholder and demand she apologize.

Guppy January 19, 2012 at 11:52 am

20 years later, Callista will call her and ask if she's ready to apologize.

Captain_Quark January 19, 2012 at 10:47 am

It took him awhile, but Perry has at last attained the same level of enlightenment as Michele Bachmann.

GOPCrusher January 19, 2012 at 1:19 pm

Maybe the next time they hear voices in their heads, telling them to do something, they will think twice.

Baconzgood January 19, 2012 at 10:47 am

So we lost Dopey too. I was sad about Crazy (Buchman) and Blacky (Cain) but Dopey….Say it ain't so!

yrbmegr January 19, 2012 at 10:57 am

I wonder if Porky is next.

Baconzgood January 19, 2012 at 10:59 am

I'm putting my money on Trolly (Paul).

LesBontemps January 19, 2012 at 11:24 am

Not Frothy?

Baconzgood January 19, 2012 at 11:28 am

I don't Frothy will Beat Greedy but he will stay in till the bitter end.

Generation[redacted] January 19, 2012 at 11:36 am

I'm hoping it comes down to a contest between magic underwear and magic eyebrows.

bureaucrap January 19, 2012 at 10:48 am

Still, I'm going to miss wonkette's occasional reprint of that great "young hot perry as texas hitlerjugend" pic. Fap fap fap.

BaldarTFlagass January 19, 2012 at 10:59 am

Oh, I'm sure he'll find some way to stupidify his way back on to these pages.

James Michael Curley January 19, 2012 at 11:41 am

I don't want to see that pic again. After being exposed to it I can't pass a mirror without checking my gig line.

Loaded_Pants January 19, 2012 at 5:46 pm

I made it my wallpaper.

nounverb911 January 19, 2012 at 10:48 am

Now he'll have time to watch the Rangers hopefully, epic fail.

GOPCrusher January 19, 2012 at 1:20 pm

6 years, 60 million dollars for Yu Darvish? Did they learn nothing from the Red Sox-Daisuke Matsusaka Experiment?

johnnyzhivago January 19, 2012 at 10:48 am

Wow… with Perry out, no chance for the first gay President this time around…

Lucidamente1 January 19, 2012 at 10:59 am

I though W took care of that with Jeff Gannon.

SorosBot January 19, 2012 at 11:04 am

Someone's forgetting James Buchanan.

YasserArraFeck January 19, 2012 at 10:49 am

BREAKING NEWS!
Perry Pulls Out! Santorum Slides In! Perry Positioned Behind Gingrich!

Wait your turn boys, there's plenty of asshole to go around

ElPinche January 19, 2012 at 11:10 am

And yet Obama will the one to mop up that big frothy puddle of man-fuck for the next 4 years.

Sue4466 January 19, 2012 at 10:49 am

Buh-bye.

slithytoves January 19, 2012 at 10:49 am

After the Turkey fiasco, I'm guessing some State Dept. folks gave him a little taste of extraordinary rendition. Texas, I mean.

sarah_connor January 19, 2012 at 10:54 am

WORD. Gah, even Rick Perry should know that Turkey is delicious.

GAH, that BLINGEE.

Chillwillard January 19, 2012 at 10:49 am

Unfortunately for us, Perry's dad never pulled out.

Guppy January 19, 2012 at 11:53 am

On the contrary: his Texas public sex education classes left him thinking that pulling out really was effective contraception.

johnnyzhivago January 19, 2012 at 10:50 am

Perry pulls a Sarah Palin??? Too bad because he had finally memorized those two departments he wanted to eliminate. I mean three.

MosesInvests January 19, 2012 at 12:03 pm

If only he'd pull a Sarah Palin and quit being governor before his term is up.

Texan_Bulldog January 19, 2012 at 10:50 am

This picture reminds me I have to get my dog's anal glands expressed. I'm also pretty sure my 7-year-old could beat Rick in Words with Friends.

ElPinche January 19, 2012 at 11:12 am

Hahaha…the banfield vet at Petsmart wanted to show me how to express my dog's anal glands yesterday. I'm a DIYer, but not that DIY.

YasserArraFeck January 19, 2012 at 12:03 pm

And I thought the "walking around with a little baggie full of warm dog shit" thing was the only good reason not to have a dog….

OkieDokieDog January 19, 2012 at 10:50 am

Oh dear, the evangelicals have one less Jebusy Rick to pin their hopes and prayers upon. Mormon Mittens is too Mormony and Newt is a mistress marrying swinger.

Save us Obi-Wan Santorum!

Chet Kincaid January 19, 2012 at 11:21 am

The whole Santorum family are liars/hypocrites (i.e. have "changed their positions") on premarital sex and abortion. You'll just have to stay home and pray this election cycle, Fundies!

SorosBot January 19, 2012 at 10:52 am

Now after his moronic showing on the national stage, will Texas still vote for him the next time reelection comes around?

Oh wait, these are Texans; ignorance is a virtue to most of them, of course they will.

elviouslyqueer January 19, 2012 at 10:52 am

Worst. Coming. Out. EVER.

ProgressiveInga January 19, 2012 at 10:53 am

I'll miss Rick! as much as I missed Fred!

flamingpdog January 19, 2012 at 12:56 pm

Who? WHO???

SudsMcKenzie January 19, 2012 at 10:54 am

I hope the Internet lives for no other reason than to revisit that Blingee.

johnnyzhivago January 19, 2012 at 10:54 am

It's too bad, because now CNN has to pull the daily "Stupid Shit Perry Said Yesterday" template from their website.

GorzoTheMighty January 19, 2012 at 10:54 am

The montage above is like Rick's greatest hits of epic fail. Thanks for the memories, now get your ass back to Tejas.Pronto por favor.

MosesInvests January 19, 2012 at 12:05 pm

No queremos.-Tejas.

JackDempsey1 January 19, 2012 at 10:55 am

This guy could write a library of "_____ for Dummies" books.

Chet Kincaid January 19, 2012 at 11:22 am

Not really.

Chichikovovich January 19, 2012 at 11:27 am

Or at least dictate them.

DonnyKerabotsos January 19, 2012 at 10:55 am

Newt Gingrich is Rick Perry's idea of what a smart man sounds like.

KenLayIsAlive January 19, 2012 at 6:42 pm

Rick Perry is now America's idea of what a stupid man sounds like. Oops.

johnnymeatworth January 19, 2012 at 10:56 am

#welcomehomenowgoaway

Joshua Norton January 19, 2012 at 10:56 am

it was the gaffes, which led to unfortunate W. comparisons,

I call upon all nations to do everything they can to stop these Turkish Islamist terrorist killers. Thank you

Now watch this drive…

spends2much January 19, 2012 at 10:57 am

Puts cowboy booted feet up on desk.
Rick: "Well, that was great. I got me some name recognition- I'm all over the Youse Tube, you know! And I met a lot of strapping, healthy young men. Oh, yeah, and women. Runnin' for Prezdint is awesome! What should I do now, Jesus?"

Hands Rick an e-coli laden corn dog.
Jesus: "Here, my son, eat this."

chascates January 19, 2012 at 10:57 am

And the political cartoonists wept.

Goonemeritus January 19, 2012 at 10:58 am

Good move if he stayed in longer it might negatively affect the value of his brand.

widestanceshakedown January 19, 2012 at 10:59 am

So, it's the Romulan vs. open marriage wanna-haver Newt, with Santorum still sticking around. Most unsavory this election business.

BaldarTFlagass January 19, 2012 at 11:03 am

Well, now that his alma mater bailed on the Big 12 for the SEC, maybe he'll do the same. "Georgia on line 2 for you, governor."

chascates January 19, 2012 at 11:04 am

CNN and FoxNews both streaming live Prick Perry presser.

Mumbletypeg January 19, 2012 at 11:04 am

Cue that weepy Sarah MacLachlan bit and a box of Kleenex. I had overlooked Langer's earlier post about the unlikeliest of bonding moments between contenders, such as this one.

Kinda reminds me of Owen & Mzee but I can't decide who's the turtle & who's the baby hippo.

MozakiBlocks January 19, 2012 at 11:04 am

Somewhere Molly Irvins is laughing her ass off.

ElPinche January 19, 2012 at 11:15 am

She and Ann Richards are probably smoking a big ole cosmic joint watching this whole thing from the 9th dimension. "We told you so, Texas. You're fucked! "

Mojopo January 19, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Sorry I missed this. I was thinking the same thing and typed too late. Molly, if you had anything to do with this spectacular failure, thank you. We need to start the beatification process.

freakishlywrong January 19, 2012 at 11:05 am

The only better news is if Hopey takes Tejas in the general. YeeeeeHaaawwww mothterfuckers!

ThundercatHo January 19, 2012 at 11:07 am

Yippy-ky-ay! Now git along lil' doggy, yer trail is done.

fartknocker January 19, 2012 at 11:08 am

I suspect Ricky is going to be on the campaign trail with Newt because he want's to be Ambassador of Izz-becki-becky-stan or some other position. I'm thinking Under Secretary of Dipshit.

Eve8Apples January 19, 2012 at 12:03 pm

He's the front runner for Secretary of Fancy Book Learnin' (formerly Secretary of Education).

x111e7thst January 19, 2012 at 11:08 am

They grow em stupid in Tejas

chascates January 19, 2012 at 11:09 am

Waiting on Perry, one photog stands up, turns around and snaps pics of seated journos. Noticing this, 3 other photogs do the same.

hagajim January 19, 2012 at 11:10 am

How quickly the dominoes are falling. We've lost the zzzzzz, the batshit crazy woman, the 9-9-9 sex offender, the somewhat sane Mormon, and now goes the re + tarded one. I figure the Pillsbury doughboy may well be gone in the next day or two (at least on Sunday)….we shall see.

finallyhappy January 19, 2012 at 11:44 am

you calling my boy T-paw the zzzzzz? that man made bridges fall!

YasserArraFeck January 19, 2012 at 12:05 pm

"THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE"
Fortunately, come November, there will be none

GOPCrusher January 19, 2012 at 1:25 pm

You got to think that T-Paw is kicking himself in the ass every morning when he wakes up.

Dashboard Buddha January 19, 2012 at 11:11 am

Me: :::Looks at picture::: SNORT…spit!!!
Boss: Are you ok?
Me: Yeah…coffee just went down the wrong way.

You bastards…get over here and help me clean my keyboard!

chascates January 19, 2012 at 11:12 am

Here he comes!

SayItWithWookies January 19, 2012 at 11:13 am

If Perry's gone, we don't even have the prospect of a strong military leader protecting America from the imminent threat posed by — oh, I dunno — Togo or Paraguay.

mrsbitch January 19, 2012 at 11:13 am

He's been away from his state for so long someone might need to gently remind him where he lives.

ps – best Blingee evah!

Blueb4sunrise January 19, 2012 at 11:13 am

Had to look up Words with Friends on Wikipedia. Good thing Perry didn't drop out yesterday.

chascates January 19, 2012 at 11:14 am

"This campaign has never been about the candidate….What's broken is our politics."

Chet Kincaid January 19, 2012 at 11:39 am

"What's broken is not our politics. What's broken is our Broca's area and neocortex. And therefore, I have no idea what I just said."

SudsMcKenzie January 19, 2012 at 11:15 am

How did he Not crash a plane?

chascates January 19, 2012 at 11:16 am

McCain did it THREE times!

SudsMcKenzie January 19, 2012 at 11:23 am

It's hard to do, like Super Bowl wins.

Monsieur_Grumpe January 19, 2012 at 11:33 am

I figured they put him in a drone and gave him a fake steering wheel.

chascates January 19, 2012 at 11:16 am

"There is no viable path for me in this 2012 campaign. Therefore I am suspending my campaign and throwing my support to Newt Gingrich."

Biff January 19, 2012 at 11:17 am

Liveblog-worthy exit speech, what with all the jesusgodmary bullshit going on.

Schmannnity January 19, 2012 at 11:17 am

How hard is it for political consultants to tell their candidates to never be photographed with phallus shaped food of any kind? Or do you have to pass the Iowa State Fair Corndog fellatio test to be a Republican contender nowadays?

Loaded_Pants January 19, 2012 at 5:58 pm

Must be in the RNC bylaws.

chascates January 19, 2012 at 11:18 am

Thanks to wifey, kids, Jesus, (dog forgotten?)…..

JustPixelz January 19, 2012 at 11:20 am

Perry said God called upon him to run for President. I wonder what happened.

A: Perry is lying.
B: God is lying
C: God wanted to humiliate Perry.
D: Perry is a typical Texas blowhard (ha ha) who thinks God died and put him in charge.

Goin' with D. And that's my final answer.

chascates January 19, 2012 at 11:22 am

Perry's bound to have pocketed a million or so off of this escapade.

Barrelhse January 19, 2012 at 11:40 am

E: Wrong number

JustPixelz January 19, 2012 at 5:16 pm

F. Oops.

Loaded_Pants January 19, 2012 at 6:01 pm

When he had his big ol' prayer meetin', I said he should have just started a ministry instead of going into politics. But then I realized that even the most crazy, inarticulate preacher still makes more sense & will have more charisma than Perry.

chascates January 19, 2012 at 11:23 am

"I've just begun to fight!"

Oh, please.

Tundra Grifter January 19, 2012 at 11:24 am

First Tim Tebow loses.

Now Gov. Perry drops out.

Who knew Jesus was a Pats fan who likes Ole Newt?

Schmannnity January 19, 2012 at 11:37 am

Technically, I think He favors the Saints (except last week).

Tundra Grifter January 19, 2012 at 12:05 pm

Let me set you straight, Buddy. These days it's quite obvious Bill Walsh is back calling the plays. The Good Lord knows enough to stand back and let The Big Whistle do his magic.

Blueb4sunrise January 19, 2012 at 11:42 am

Was just thinking of Tebow………

Magic fails to help Cameroon's footballers
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-16471695

iburl January 19, 2012 at 11:28 am

I won't believe Perry has pulled out until I see a santorum-caked prophylactic hanging out of his sweatpants pocket.

fuflans January 19, 2012 at 11:30 am

death of comedy.

io9k9s January 19, 2012 at 11:32 am

Best blingee evah….

actor212 January 19, 2012 at 11:39 am

I'll miss the three front-runners who have dropped out: Herman Cain, Michele Bachmann and…..ummmmm….I can't….I can't remember….Oops!

Biff January 19, 2012 at 11:40 am

Watching newt accepting Rick's support with calypso in full silhouette beside him–instead of Tiffany's, couldn't they find a talented plastic surgeon instead?

ThundercatHo January 19, 2012 at 11:55 am

Srsly, with all the money spent on Botox you'd think her plastic surgeon would just throw in a free nosejob.

Loaded_Pants January 19, 2012 at 6:04 pm

She needed to have the work done. Oral sex with Newt is rough on the face.

Barrelhse January 19, 2012 at 11:41 am

I think Rick needs a better religion.

SenileAgitation January 19, 2012 at 11:42 am

Perry and Palin trying to boost Newt's chances in SC, why won't they just let the tubby two-timer succeed (suck seed? secede?) on his own? It's like some hateful helping-someone-in-need virus has infected them. What's next, jobs sweeping up after church for poor people?

cheaphits January 19, 2012 at 11:48 am

"and he said, 'Callista doesn't care what I do,'"

I betcha, Callista has flip-flopped on that shit by now.. After all, she is perfectly positioned to learn the fine art of the flip-flop.

ThundercatHo January 19, 2012 at 11:58 am

"If you want some more diamonds, baby, you'll flip over and let me in the back door."

SudsMcKenzie January 19, 2012 at 11:48 am

Ben Bernanke just dodged a bullet.

DemonicRage January 19, 2012 at 12:05 pm

Roll the tape that Rachel Maddow is fond of showing. Perry is in New Hampshire. He tells the people in front of him that he is very sympathetic with their "Live Free or Die" way of looking at the world. Someone presents him with a jug bottle of New England maple syrup and he gets all kinds of rhapsodic. That appearance pretty much says it all.

Eve8Apples January 19, 2012 at 12:09 pm

Rick – Next time you think you have a call from God to do something, just say, "You have the wrong number" and hang up the phone.

Mojopo January 19, 2012 at 12:25 pm

First Tebow, now Perry. When will these people finally realize that the calls from beyond are coming from a much hotter place?

DahBoner January 19, 2012 at 12:14 pm

Little Dumber Boy

Mojopo January 19, 2012 at 12:24 pm

This is how Texans trip and fall into lifeboats.

Mojopo January 19, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Somewhere, Molly Ivins just sprayed a golden keyboard with heavenly laughter.

owhatever January 19, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Return to Brokeback Mountain. A comedy in three parts.

MiniMencken January 19, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Now I'll never get anybody to buy my Austin rent boy confessional! Back to Oilcan Harry's on uncut night…

BZ1 January 19, 2012 at 1:47 pm

New trailer: Perry 2016, laughs aplenty!

hollywooddood January 19, 2012 at 1:56 pm

This is bullshit. Who else is left to vote for? Barry?

mavenmaven January 19, 2012 at 1:56 pm

George W Bush is very happy today.

Schmannnity January 19, 2012 at 2:07 pm

This is bad news for coyotes.

Left_Leftie January 19, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Thank you for the best blingee EVER!

DahBoner January 19, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Emails to Jesus

You know, if someone were to create a website that allows you to send an email to Jesus, it could result in many hours of laughter…

Loaded_Pants January 19, 2012 at 6:14 pm
KenLayIsAlive January 19, 2012 at 6:47 pm

"send to Jesus"
"Start Over"

Which should Rick Perry choose?

under_score January 19, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Late to the game here but it must be said:

Adios, mofo! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5tVSOIEDTcU&fe

(my favorite RP moment up until this election, now, who can possibly choose?)

superdave January 19, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Oh man! That is world class Blingee!

Chillwillard January 19, 2012 at 11:26 am

Exactly.

James Michael Curley January 19, 2012 at 11:38 am

I'm asking a friend, former grad from Carnegie Mellon where they really invented the internet, to do some work up on the possibility of a background program which will obliterate 'Comments' sections from news sites. Problem is he works in MAC but I'd go full tilt Jumpin' Jobs if he does it.

emmelemm January 19, 2012 at 5:22 pm

I heard someone say once that Yahoo comments are a mental disease.

Sweet tap-dancing Christ, it really makes you think about going to the top of a mountain to live in a cave. Or just killing yourself.

James Michael Curley January 19, 2012 at 11:42 am

James or Pat?

OkieDokieDog January 19, 2012 at 11:53 am

God Apologizes for Glut of Republicans Who Say He Called Them to Run in 2012: "One Night I Butt-Dialed Five People w/out Even Realizing" – from The Daily Edge

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