Insipid rich dweeb Mitt Romney is facing even more impertinent questioning about his infinite investments, and the answers may surprise you — if you just landed on Earth and then decided to jump off a stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down. Seems ol’ Mitt is allegedly using every rich dude trick in the book (written by rich dudes) to pay as little in taxes as possible. Not really a problem, if you’re gainfully employed at the Arby’s in Duluth and just click on whatever TurboTax tells you to. Gainfully employed? Manual clicking? That doesn’t sound like our Mitt now, does it?
The poking about into Romney’s finances was as inevitable as his running for president for the next 200 years. So why could Mitt only speak in tongues when pressed by famed rhetorician Rick Perry at Monday’s debate to release his tax returns?
I think I’ve heard enough from folks saying, look, let’s see your tax records. I have nothing in them that suggests there’s any problem and I’m happy to do so. I sort of feel like we are showing a lot of exposure at this point. And if I become our nominee, and what’s happened in history is people have released them in about April of the coming year and that’s probably what I would do.
Friends, that is the jibber jabber of a man crossing his fingers behind his back. It is also the signal for news orgs to RELEASE THE ACCOUNTANTS!
As one of the wealthiest candidates to run for president in recent times, Romney has used a variety of techniques to help minimize the taxes on his estimated $250 million fortune. In addition to paying the lower tax rate on his investment income, Romney has as much as $8 million invested in at least 12 funds listed on a Cayman Islands registry. Another investment, which Romney reports as being worth between $5 million and $25 million, shows up on securities records as having been domiciled in the Caymans.
His campaign insists Romney’s tax bill would be the same even if he kept all his money in a Serta mattress somewhere on US soil. So the point of flying sacks of cash first-class to the Cayman Islands would be….?
[Tax experts] say the offshore accounts have provided him — and Bain — with other potential financial benefits, such as higher management fees and greater foreign interest, all at the expense of the U.S. Treasury.
[...]
[Jack Blum, a Washington lawyer who is an authority on tax enforcement and offshore banking] said working through an offshore investment vehicle allows the investor to “avoid a whole series of small traps in the tax code that ordinary people would face if they paid tax on an onshore basis.”
Trillions of points to anyone who can get Mitt to release a tax return from any year not immediately preceding the last two presidential elections! [ABC News via WaPo]
{ 193 comments }
I have 14 Kruggerands stored in Santorum's rectum. Don't tell.
There's so much gold up his colon that his wife calls him "Fart Knox."
Those 14 Kruggerands are now as worthless as Santorum's rectum.
But they go a long way explaining that expression on his face.
Well, why not? Lots of money has been put in his ass over the years by lots of people. I'm just surprised there's still room enough for even one coin.
Penalty for early withdrawal.
Wow…talk about dirty money.
I love all of you *sniff*
The Swiss Bankers Association is disappointed Rmoney didn't trust them. After all they kept the Nazi gold safe for years.
nvb911:
They also kept the gold of their Jewist depositors so safe they wouldn't turn it over to their heirs. Remember that? "Well, the paperwork isn't in order." Or "You need the deposit book [burned in a death camp oven, of course]."
I knew a woman who spent 4 years in a "labor camp" during the Holocaust. She told me she hated the Swiss more than the Germans because of what the Swiss had done before, during and long after WWII
Never trust people so cheap, they put holes in their cheese….
fh:
"In Italy, for thirty years under the Borgias, they had warfare, terror, murder and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance.
"In Switerzland they had brotherly love, they had five hundred years of democracy and peace, and what did they produce? The cuckoo clock."
- Orson Welles & Graham Greene, "The Third Man"
And, of course, secret banking.
Rmoney thumbs up ∞
Rmoney is better than Ron Paul's Rloveution. Well played!
Mitt wants me to send my money to DC while he sends his to the Cayman Islands?
I think he's stalling so that those five toothy sons of his have more time to dive into restaurant dumpsters to look for receipts.
That's not a lot of money, my friend
Offshore tax havens are people, my friend.
They create jobs for Caymanians, who would otherwise come here and steal good
AmericanMexican jobs.We have to pay them over there, so we don't have to pay them over here.
Mitt Romney for president of the Cayman Islands 2012!
Exposing this is an attack on our free market values!
Somewhere, someone will say this and mean it.
CLASS WARFARE!!!1!!!
Yes. Yes it is.
And it's about fucking time, isn't it?
Wouldn't it be nice if Mittens stopped talking about himself as a "capitalist" (which is someone who amasses capital to build productive stuff like factories) and started using the correct term for his line of work, which is "corporate arbitrageur." Viz:
Nothing wrong with that, but it doesn't create value for society as a whole, any more than a crow feasting on road-kill opossum is managing wildlife.
aka "Fantasy American Way Of Life." You people are drafted and traded hourly, my friend!
You know, is was tax evasion that finally brought Al Capone down too.
And Syphilis. (l demand to see his medical records)
Capone ended up on a little island just offshore, too!
Heh, true; I bow before your cleverness.
The average American thinks that Al Capone is just some character Bobby DeNiro played in that one movie. They also think -according to the polls – that Willard is a "Capitalist" who can get the economy going.
Willard was a rat. Ask Michael Jackson.
Is Mitt hiding the money from the US Treasury or the Mormon Church treasury?
All of them, nouny.
No Blitz
That's what I've been asking since this whole tempest started. When SLC discovers he's been stiffing them, he'll have hell to pay.
He'll have to take out a second mortgage on his afterlife planet!
I got this lovely image of Uncle Sam and Joseph Smith kicking the crap out of a sobbing Mittens.
While the angel Moroni beats him over the head with his trombone.
Oh, no, he probably tithed like a muthafucker. Also helped the LDS with LOTS of lucrative investment opportunities through Bain. He didn't leave them behind, don't worry.
You mean, here?:
http://poculum.tumblr.com/post/6875753434/mormon-…
I suspect Mexican Mormon Mittens of also being a Joo since he has so much monies.
Release the Paultards!
"obommitt romney the mormon jew will win, because he has already been anointed by the cfr."
What's the difference between a regular joo and a mexi-mormon joo???
“avoid a whole series of small traps in the tax code that ordinary people would face"
IT'S A TRAP!
"…that ordinary people would face…"
But, but… I'm not ordinary. I'm unique, like a beautiful falling snowflake on a sunny, pristine mountain top.
Can I have a loophole now?!
Do you have a lobbyist?
If not, then NO.
More importantly, what about the scene where Leia screams "It's a trap!" to Luke in Empire Strikes Back? As a young girl, that particular rendering of the trap warning made a big impression on me.
“avoid a whole series of small traps in the tax code that ordinary people would face if they paid tax on an onshore basis.”
Or, as Mittens refers to them, The Help.
Willard wants all the benefits of living in this country without paying for it. Freeloader. Get a job.
Jeez, I sound like a Republican.
Let's check:
- condescending attitude
- class warfare
- accusation of anti-Americanism
- racist undertones
Sorry Monsieur. You forgot the racism. You don't sound like a Republican.
Tax Avoidance Is Not Tax Evasion!
~ The Cayman Islands National Motto
TAX AVOISION!
Pfft, Hopey has more souls in Gitmo. Thats an island right?
What's the big deal? 33 million is not very much money. It's not even 100 times as much as that pittance he makes on speaking fees.
The destruction of mathematics is a beautiful thing.
New campaign ad: Libards have Mittens Envy because he's handsome and riche.
It's like you've read South Carolina's mind.
Eh, Hopey's also handsome and rich(er than us.)
The Romney campaign is telling us the taxes are the same. That means, the tax paid by Mittens on the income he receives isn't altered by the fact that a Cayman Islands corporation is paying him.
What is being left out of the conversation is the obvious fact that the profits made by those corporations, sheltered by being domiciled in a tax haven, are greatly increased at the expense of the US taxpayers.
Somehow, I don't think that is going to be brought up by these flaks.
Where I come from, Cayman Islands usually means drug money laundering. Of course, he may have some money with Allen Stanford.
Where I come from, Cayman Islands usually means drug money laundering ,,,
Or maybe he's started a dive shop, with special extra-large wet suits, to cover the magic underwear…
It's been rumored Mittens has been trafficking caffeine to the Salt Lake City area. There's no known paper trail, but if they ever find one, you can bet it ends in the Caymans.
If our country has to be led by a bazillionaire alien president, I'd rather it be Thomas Jerome Newton.
Alas, he's too sexy, too smart, too thoughtful. We should be so lucky.
It takes till April to cook his tax returns? He needs a better CPA.
I think his CPA gets a bonus check for stalling.
He needs a better "damage control" team, too.
Engnhng, when you actually are going to have to pay some taxes, which you do if all your income is from dividends and interest (because The Riches got furious when the IRS tried to add withholding to the payments like they do for W2 income) you're not in any hurry to file.
Don't worry, Republicans — when the last stupid, corrupt, horrible wife-swapping know-nothing quits the race, and Mitt's the last one standing there, you'll reluctantly accept his hand in unholy matrimony just like you did with McCain. And while it's tough being the twelve-year-old girl in this little arranged marriage, you'll begin to appreciate him when you're — um — forty or something, okay? We'll be waiting outside for the display of the bloody sheet.
#WINNING
Well, that sounds better than waiting for the frothy sheet.
"Greater foreign interest" is a meaningless phrase in this context. What they're probably trying to refer to is "carried interest" and their failure to explain the facts reflects the failure of the press – and people in general – to appreciate the unbridgeable gap that exists between the rich and everyone else. They're different and should be eaten. Period.
Mmmmm, rich ……
Eat the Rich: there's only one thing they're good for
Eat the Rich: take one bite now – come back for more
Eat the Rich: I gotta get this off my chest
Eat the Rich: take one bite now, spit out the rest
I'm thinking that no matter what you marinade Mittens in or for how long, he'll still taste like some piece of plastic shit.
Eaten? I'm not eating one bite of those bastards, because I'm certain they taste as putrid as their souls.
A dog-abusing, flip-flopping, business-destroying, magic underpants-wearing, job-eliminating, money-laundering, born-rich guy with hair from Big Boy's and a smile like a botox patient.
Obama must have been a very, very good boy to get such a fabulous Christmas present this early.
And Santa was all like, "I'll hold my nose and give him this present, but…"
And yet, even with all those qualifiers you've so diligently listed, he's the most "electable" of all the Republicans in the race.
Hopey, do not screw this up.
"We don't pay taxes. Only the little people pay taxes…"
–Leona Helmsley
Shorter Mittens: "Maniacal laugh! Maniacal laugh!"
Muppets libel!! Tex Richman at least could be fixed through severe head trauma – nothing's getting through Mittens' hair armor.
Cayman Islands are people, too, my friend!
You know who ELSE tried to hide their crime on a Caribbean Island?!
Cpt Jack Sparrow?
i do not know why, but if reports of cpt jack's split from his french sprite are true i will be sad.
I'll take that weird guy who killed Natalie Holloway for the win Chet.
Indeed!
Joran Van Der Sloot.
Christopher Columbus?
Blahbeard?
Rastafarians?
Dr. No?
Baby Doc. Also, Papa Doc, too.
Not to mention Trujillo.
Michael Corleone?
Actually, Fredo.
Damn. That was my next guess…
The CIA at the Bay of Pigs?
The Bermuda Triangle?
Rush Limbaugh?
David Copperfield?
Hernán Cortés?
Ernest Hemingway?
Tom Cruise in The Firm?
Dr. Moreau?
The Dutch?
edmund dantes?
Me, once or twice.
Dr. Esteban De La Fuente?
Admiral Dewey? (Sorry, Not That)
Wow, Mormons are weird. They can't smoke, drink or cuss but apparently lying, stealing and cheating are all a-ok.
Well, how would YOU juggle five wives?
I have a distrust of Mormons which comes from actual experience. Let’s just say some Mormons have no problem breaking contracts when it’s justified by God.
Or justified because the little clock in their head went cuckoo.
Or the little cash register in their head went ka-CHING!
I have a distrust of
MormonsPeople Who Have To Tell You That They Are Christians which comes from actual experience…Fixed.
I am not familiar with their religion. Does it work similar to a cafeteria plan?
All religions pick and choose which side verses they like..
Offshore banks are corporations and my friend, people.
If had one percent of his wealth I would do stupid shit like pay off mortgages for poor people, give money to the local food bank and animal shelter, and other liberal, progressive things. I would help some homeless folks. Yeah, I'm just another money grabing fucking liberal giving handouts.
No snark: I agree with the sentiment.
See, that's why libtards are so stupid with all their humanitarian philanthropy and whatnot. If you were a smart businessman like Mittens you would tithe your church so you can have your own planet after you die.
Yeah, like he's given them upwards of $25 million…
But he gave $50 to a black lady to pay her light bill!
See? That's WHY you don't have his kind of money.
And can NEVER have nice things.
The Cayman Islands sound like a wonderful place for Mittens to go eff himself and retire.
I have money offshore as well- I lost $1 that I had in a pocket when I stupidly went wading in Florida in a pair of shorts.
Romney owes us a sound bite commensurate with his capitalist idols: JG Wentworth and Wesley Snipes. "That’s probably what I would do" isn't going to cut it.
"Uninevitable, that's what you are.
Uninevitable, you came so far
Like a childish crush that used to be
Mitt, my friend, you're now history.
Rarely before has someone been more
Uninevitable on Saturday
Then forever more, you'll go away
Because, Romney, c'est inevitable
The GOP found you inedible
And now will love Newton Leroy more than you."
Lets not jump to conclusions here Mitt may have a reasonable explanation, those accounts could be for another wife and family that live off shore.
those accounts could be for another wife and family that live off shore.
A very, very tiny family that could fit in a post office box!
"I think I’ve heard enough from folks saying, look, let’s see your tax records."
Mittens wants us all to pipe down–if we have to bring up such delicate issues, we should do so in a quiet room somewhere…
Love to, if the quiet room features a rack.
In a quiet room noone can here you scream.
The Cayman Islands, or as I like to call it, "Galt's Archipelago."
My accountant tells me I can save a lot of money on taxes, if I move my business to a post office box in the Bahamas….
My accountant tells me that I can save a lot of money on taxes if I move my family to a storage unit right here in the Chicago suburbs.
I'd go with a PODS® moving container in a Cook County Forest Preserve.
Tax dodgers are people, my friend
You have to wonder at the sheer stupidity here – you would think one of his advisors would have advised him, "Look, if you're going to run for POTUS, you can't be stashing money in the Cayman Islands. Or bragging about how you tortured your dog." What gives? (Rhetorical question that has no answer.)
Probably the same guy who told him to hire a lawn contractor that uses undocumented workers.
You have to wonder at the sheer stupidity here…
All rich people think that rules don't apply to them….
Well, he is running against a guy that says we should fire janitors and put poor, blah, children to work cleaning toilets.
I still can't get over the fact that in a race with two Mormons, Newt ends up being the polygamist, while in a race featuring Newt Gingrich, the unscrupulous tax-evading sleaze turns out to be Mitt Romney. Fuck it, I'm gonna go outside and open my mouth, 'cause it's bound to start raining cotton candy at this point.
Win!
It's fun to charter an accountant
And sail the wide accountant-sea,
To find, explore the funds offshore
And skirt the shoals of bankruptcy!
It can be manly in insurance.
We'll up your premium semi-annually.
It's all tax deductible.
We're fairly incorruptible,
We're sailing on the wide accountant-sea!
"even if he kept all his money in a Serta mattress"
Unless they bring back the $10,000 bill, there's no mattress big enough.
I wonder how much of those ill-gotten gains have wandered back onshore and have found a new home in a PAC?
Mitt the Magic Morman,
Lived on TV
And frolicked in the financial mist –
with his P-A-C.'s.
My name is Al Gotti-Lansky, and I run Shadyside Investments in the Cayman Islands, and I'm proud to report that I have an account here at Shadyside Investments for $6.9 million in the name of Mitt Romney. My buddy Corleone Clemenza, who runs Hidden Assets, Inc., here in the Caymans, says he also has an account for $6.9 million with the name of Mitt Romney. And our pal Vincenzo "Big Tony" Dillinger, who runs Money Stash, Inc., here in the Caymans, reports that he also has an account of $6.9 million in the name of Mitt Romney.
Mitt is so fucked; and I am so glad. I can't wait for the Schmanitty Spin on this one.
Mitt Romney/Leona Helmsley 2012
"We don't pay taxes. Only the little people pay taxes."
You wonder why Chris Christie enthusiasticly supports the Mitbot?
"2006:Dunkin’ Brands, Inc. is purchased by Bain Capital LLC, The Carlyle Group, and Thomas H. Lee Partners, L.P."
He was promised infinite pie.
that's just irrational.
∞ π
Bain Capital Owns Clear Channel (Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Glenn Beck, Michael Savage…
Boss Man says lots of idiots LOVE Mitt Romney!
http://www.infowars.com/bain-capital-owns-clear-c…
"When billed for $134,909 in property taxes on their beachside home in San Diego in 2009, the Romneys appealed the assessment, according to an official at the city property assessor’s office.
Mr. and Mrs. Romney won the appeal. The bill was reduced by $9,617, for a total of $125,292. "
Cheapskate.
Hmm. That must be the reason why I can't get a pay increase despite having "exceeds expectations" reviews for the past five years.
Why do the Republicans hate rich people?
I guess if he and the rest Romney clan move to the Caymans, someone could do an update of that old family favorite, Swiss Bank Account Family Romneyson.
That premise/pitch could work. It would have to be a comedy though.
There's just not enough room for so many zeros on a regular working stiff's W-2.
Let's just cut out the middle-man. Goldman Sachs/Morgan Stanley 2012!
The Caymans? Isn't that where fugitive arms merchants on "Burn Notice" are always keeping all their money? I don't think this will end well for Mittens.
points to anyone who can get Mitt to release a tax return from any year not immediately preceding the last two presidential elections!
Clearly this is a job for Tennessee Ron, no? I mean, the guy said he'd do practically "anything"..
So, if all of the current GOP candidates are exposed for who they really are and are, therefore, rendered unelectable even to their base…
Who do you think they'll nominate? Or, can they just take a pass in November, let Obama run unopposed?
Remember, Herman Cain just suspended his campaign.
There's the Nuclear Option – a brokered convention with Jeb Bush emerging ascendant. Slogan ideas being spitballed:
Bush 2012 – I'm The Smart One
Bush 2012 – Wait, Hear Me Out!
Bush 2012 – It Should Have Been Me First!
So. Not smart enough to move his money before the Colonoscopy that is the US Presidential Campaign. Or does he have a bit of the Johnny Reed Edwards about him, and feel like he's bulletproof?
Moral: You can't trust politicians with overly coiffed hair.
You all don't get it. Just think of how much he'll have to pay in US taxes when he repatriates that money back stateside. We'll get him eventually!
HAHA! Glad you all didn't see me trying (and failing) to keep a straight face with that line of bullshit!
You just gave my wallet a stiffy!
"It's legal!" Of course it's legal, you numbnuts, you wrote the effing laws.
("It's a little joke. They give me the bill. I tear up the bill." –The prefect of police, Casablanca)
"Obama Invades Caymans, Erases Deficit"
Clearly, Reagan invaded the wrong island…
A couple of things to note:
* Romney is worth about 250 million dollars
* It's perfectly legal to have money in off-shore accounts
* He pays full capital gains tax on that money the same as if it were in the US
This is really a non-story.
I'd be willing to bet (just not $10,000) that Mitt Romulan got his experience firing people as a Mormon Bishop long before he went "Full Bain."
True story: I was once present for lunch with two LSD officials (one Bishop and one psychologist) and after a while they forgot I wasn't one of them. They started talking about the personal problems of their members. After that little update was over, I listened to them discuss who the Bishop was going to get rid of at the plant because someone was coming in from Salt Lake City and needed a good job for his large family and so they could collect the tithes. Needless to say, I had to really restrain myself from, well, I'll let you guess.
You know what else I wanted to do to these assholes?
That's LDS. Or maybe you were right, Who am I to say?
I prefer LSD to LDS, thank you.
Being aware of their view of the afterlife and other requirements, I'd say LSD was taken somewhere along the way to the printers.
Mitt Romney: Believe In America, Invest In The Caymans
Mittens, just a beach bum in the Cayman Islands, a very rich beach bum …
Stop being jealous. You too can invest wisely with me and make a fortune. Cash-out you 401ks and IRAs and send your hard-earned cash to me at:
Doubtful Investment Strategies, LLC.
C/O HamsterSandwich
1 Scenic Ocean-Front Boulevard
Penthouse Suite
Ritz Carlton
Grand Cayman, KY1-1102,
Cayman Islands
OR call: 1-888-Yea-Sure (1-888-932-7873)
Leave a message if I'm not in or try me at the pool bar cabana.
Weasel Willard, the Cayman Mormon.
There is nothing illegal about American companies having off-shore accounts. They are used to attract foreign investors. Mitt Romney pays the same capital gains taxes on those accounts as if they were in the U.S. Plus Mitt Romney's effective tax rate, like that of most rich people, is greater than that of the average American. http://money.cnn.com/2012/01/18/news/economy/Romn… http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/2834976/…
Not to mention that the vast majority of income tax collected by the IRS comes from the wealthiest Americans, with the wealthiest 1% accounting for one-third of all income tax collected.
BTW, Romney is worth about 250 million dollars, Ted Turner about two billion, George Soros about eight billion, and Warren Buffett about 50 billion.
Willard if you win the primary will you bring your money home to the United States?
And these are the accounts we KNOW ABOUT.
just sayin'
Not since I parked my sparkle-Hummer up there.
I think there are dead fetuses up there.
Too bad the Mormunz can't smoke. Otherwise he could also too puff a cigar as he fires people.
YOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I love you. You know that, right?
I would think so!
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