LEONA HELMSLEY WOULD BE SO PROUD  11:31 am January 19, 2012

Up To $33 Million Of Romney’s Zillions May Be Hidden In Offshore Tax Havens

by Kaia Mursi

I vill ask ze qvestions.Insipid rich dweeb Mitt Romney is facing even more impertinent questioning about his infinite investments, and the answers may surprise you — if you just landed on Earth and then decided to jump off a stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down. Seems ol’ Mitt is allegedly using every rich dude trick in the book (written by rich dudes) to pay as little in taxes as possible. Not really a problem, if you’re gainfully employed at the Arby’s in Duluth and just click on whatever TurboTax tells you to. Gainfully employed? Manual clicking? That doesn’t sound like our Mitt now, does it?

The poking about into Romney’s finances was as inevitable as his running for president for the next 200 years. So why could Mitt only speak in tongues when pressed by famed rhetorician Rick Perry at Monday’s debate to release his tax returns?

I think I’ve heard enough from folks saying, look, let’s see your tax records. I have nothing in them that suggests there’s any problem and I’m happy to do so. I sort of feel like we are showing a lot of exposure at this point. And if I become our nominee, and what’s happened in history is people have released them in about April of the coming year and that’s probably what I would do.

Friends, that is the jibber jabber of a man crossing his fingers behind his back. It is also the signal for news orgs to RELEASE THE ACCOUNTANTS!

As one of the wealthiest candidates to run for president in recent times, Romney has used a variety of techniques to help minimize the taxes on his estimated $250 million fortune. In addition to paying the lower tax rate on his investment income, Romney has as much as $8 million invested in at least 12 funds listed on a Cayman Islands registry. Another investment, which Romney reports as being worth between $5 million and $25 million, shows up on securities records as having been domiciled in the Caymans.

His campaign insists Romney’s tax bill would be the same even if he kept all his money in a Serta mattress somewhere on US soil. So the point of flying sacks of cash first-class to the Cayman Islands would be….?

[Tax experts] say the offshore accounts have provided him — and Bain — with other potential financial benefits, such as higher management fees and greater foreign interest, all at the expense of the U.S. Treasury.

[...]

[Jack Blum, a Washington lawyer who is an authority on tax enforcement and offshore banking] said working through an offshore investment vehicle allows the investor to “avoid a whole series of small traps in the tax code that ordinary people would face if they paid tax on an onshore basis.”

Trillions of points to anyone who can get Mitt to release a tax return from any year not immediately preceding the last two presidential elections! [ABC News via WaPo]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 193 comments }

MrFizzy January 19, 2012 at 11:32 am

I have 14 Kruggerands stored in Santorum's rectum. Don't tell.

Barb January 19, 2012 at 11:38 am

There's so much gold up his colon that his wife calls him "Fart Knox."

RedneckMuslin January 19, 2012 at 11:40 am

Those 14 Kruggerands are now as worthless as Santorum's rectum.

Lascauxcaveman January 19, 2012 at 12:46 pm

But they go a long way explaining that expression on his face.

widestanceshakedown January 19, 2012 at 11:49 am

Well, why not? Lots of money has been put in his ass over the years by lots of people. I'm just surprised there's still room enough for even one coin.

JustPixelz January 19, 2012 at 11:58 am

Penalty for early withdrawal.

Dashboard Buddha January 19, 2012 at 12:04 pm

Wow…talk about dirty money.

ThundercatHo January 19, 2012 at 12:29 pm

I love all of you *sniff*

nounverb911 January 19, 2012 at 11:33 am

The Swiss Bankers Association is disappointed Rmoney didn't trust them. After all they kept the Nazi gold safe for years.

Tundra Grifter January 19, 2012 at 11:39 am

nvb911:

They also kept the gold of their Jewist depositors so safe they wouldn't turn it over to their heirs. Remember that? "Well, the paperwork isn't in order." Or "You need the deposit book [burned in a death camp oven, of course]."

finallyhappy January 19, 2012 at 11:47 am

I knew a woman who spent 4 years in a "labor camp" during the Holocaust. She told me she hated the Swiss more than the Germans because of what the Swiss had done before, during and long after WWII

DahBoner January 19, 2012 at 12:06 pm

Never trust people so cheap, they put holes in their cheese….

Tundra Grifter January 19, 2012 at 12:49 pm

fh:

"In Italy, for thirty years under the Borgias, they had warfare, terror, murder and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance.

"In Switerzland they had brotherly love, they had five hundred years of democracy and peace, and what did they produce? The cuckoo clock."

- Orson Welles & Graham Greene, "The Third Man"

And, of course, secret banking.

RedneckMuslin January 19, 2012 at 11:44 am

Rmoney thumbs up ∞

gurukalehuru January 19, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Rmoney is better than Ron Paul's Rloveution. Well played!

Barb January 19, 2012 at 11:35 am

Mitt wants me to send my money to DC while he sends his to the Cayman Islands?
I think he's stalling so that those five toothy sons of his have more time to dive into restaurant dumpsters to look for receipts.

actor212 January 19, 2012 at 11:36 am

That's not a lot of money, my friend

Generation[redacted] January 19, 2012 at 11:39 am

Offshore tax havens are people, my friend.

actor212 January 19, 2012 at 11:47 am

They create jobs for Caymanians, who would otherwise come here and steal good American Mexican jobs.

Gleem_McShineys January 19, 2012 at 2:18 pm

We have to pay them over there, so we don't have to pay them over here.

paris biltong January 19, 2012 at 11:36 am

Mitt Romney for president of the Cayman Islands 2012!

widestanceshakedown January 19, 2012 at 11:36 am

Exposing this is an attack on our free market values!

Somewhere, someone will say this and mean it.

chicken_thief January 19, 2012 at 11:42 am

CLASS WARFARE!!!1!!!

Lascauxcaveman January 19, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Yes. Yes it is.

And it's about fucking time, isn't it?

V572 the Merciless January 19, 2012 at 12:59 pm

Wouldn't it be nice if Mittens stopped talking about himself as a "capitalist" (which is someone who amasses capital to build productive stuff like factories) and started using the correct term for his line of work, which is "corporate arbitrageur." Viz:

An investor who attempts to profit from price inefficiencies in the market by making simultaneous trades that offset each other and capturing risk-free profits.

Nothing wrong with that, but it doesn't create value for society as a whole, any more than a crow feasting on road-kill opossum is managing wildlife.

Chet Kincaid January 19, 2012 at 1:02 pm

aka "Fantasy American Way Of Life." You people are drafted and traded hourly, my friend!

SorosBot January 19, 2012 at 11:37 am

You know, is was tax evasion that finally brought Al Capone down too.

LabRodent January 19, 2012 at 11:47 am

And Syphilis. (l demand to see his medical records)

MissTaken January 19, 2012 at 11:52 am

Capone ended up on a little island just offshore, too!

SorosBot January 19, 2012 at 12:11 pm

Heh, true; I bow before your cleverness.

Chillwillard January 19, 2012 at 11:54 am

The average American thinks that Al Capone is just some character Bobby DeNiro played in that one movie. They also think -according to the polls – that Willard is a "Capitalist" who can get the economy going.

RedneckMuslin January 19, 2012 at 11:57 am

Willard was a rat. Ask Michael Jackson.

nounverb911 January 19, 2012 at 11:37 am

Is Mitt hiding the money from the US Treasury or the Mormon Church treasury?

widestanceshakedown January 19, 2012 at 11:50 am

All of them, nouny.

DahBoner January 19, 2012 at 12:26 pm

No Blitz

Biff January 19, 2012 at 12:29 pm

That's what I've been asking since this whole tempest started. When SLC discovers he's been stiffing them, he'll have hell to pay.

Chet Kincaid January 19, 2012 at 1:04 pm

He'll have to take out a second mortgage on his afterlife planet!

poorgradstudent January 19, 2012 at 12:49 pm

I got this lovely image of Uncle Sam and Joseph Smith kicking the crap out of a sobbing Mittens.

Lascauxcaveman January 19, 2012 at 12:59 pm

While the angel Moroni beats him over the head with his trombone.

teebob2000 January 19, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Oh, no, he probably tithed like a muthafucker. Also helped the LDS with LOTS of lucrative investment opportunities through Bain. He didn't leave them behind, don't worry.

OneYieldRegular January 19, 2012 at 3:12 pm
OkieDokieDog January 19, 2012 at 11:38 am

I suspect Mexican Mormon Mittens of also being a Joo since he has so much monies.

anniegetyerfun January 19, 2012 at 12:11 pm

Release the Paultards!

DahBoner January 19, 2012 at 12:49 pm

"obommitt romney the mormon jew will win, because he has already been anointed by the cfr."

What's the difference between a regular joo and a mexi-mormon joo???

Generation[redacted] January 19, 2012 at 11:38 am

“avoid a whole series of small traps in the tax code that ordinary people would face"

IT'S A TRAP!

chicken_thief January 19, 2012 at 11:47 am

"…that ordinary people would face…"

But, but… I'm not ordinary. I'm unique, like a beautiful falling snowflake on a sunny, pristine mountain top.

Can I have a loophole now?!

sati_demise January 19, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Do you have a lobbyist?

If not, then NO.

Midway117 January 19, 2012 at 12:13 pm

More importantly, what about the scene where Leia screams "It's a trap!" to Luke in Empire Strikes Back? As a young girl, that particular rendering of the trap warning made a big impression on me.

Joshua Norton January 19, 2012 at 11:38 am

“avoid a whole series of small traps in the tax code that ordinary people would face if they paid tax on an onshore basis.”

Or, as Mittens refers to them, The Help.

Monsieur_Grumpe January 19, 2012 at 11:39 am

Willard wants all the benefits of living in this country without paying for it. Freeloader. Get a job.

Jeez, I sound like a Republican.

JustPixelz January 19, 2012 at 12:06 pm

Let's check:
- condescending attitude
- class warfare
- accusation of anti-Americanism
- racist undertones

Sorry Monsieur. You forgot the racism. You don't sound like a Republican.

MissTaken January 19, 2012 at 11:39 am

Tax Avoidance Is Not Tax Evasion!

~ The Cayman Islands National Motto

Swampgas_Man January 19, 2012 at 6:05 pm

TAX AVOISION!

SudsMcKenzie January 19, 2012 at 11:41 am

Pfft, Hopey has more souls in Gitmo. Thats an island right?

LesBontemps January 19, 2012 at 11:41 am

What's the big deal? 33 million is not very much money. It's not even 100 times as much as that pittance he makes on speaking fees.

widestanceshakedown January 19, 2012 at 11:52 am

The destruction of mathematics is a beautiful thing.

OkieDokieDog January 19, 2012 at 11:41 am

New campaign ad: Libards have Mittens Envy because he's handsome and riche.

elviouslyqueer January 19, 2012 at 12:17 pm

It's like you've read South Carolina's mind.

Lascauxcaveman January 19, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Eh, Hopey's also handsome and rich(er than us.)

Tundra Grifter January 19, 2012 at 11:41 am

The Romney campaign is telling us the taxes are the same. That means, the tax paid by Mittens on the income he receives isn't altered by the fact that a Cayman Islands corporation is paying him.

What is being left out of the conversation is the obvious fact that the profits made by those corporations, sheltered by being domiciled in a tax haven, are greatly increased at the expense of the US taxpayers.

Somehow, I don't think that is going to be brought up by these flaks.

Schmannnity January 19, 2012 at 11:41 am

Where I come from, Cayman Islands usually means drug money laundering. Of course, he may have some money with Allen Stanford.

DahBoner January 19, 2012 at 12:30 pm

Where I come from, Cayman Islands usually means drug money laundering ,,,

Or maybe he's started a dive shop, with special extra-large wet suits, to cover the magic underwear…

Lascauxcaveman January 19, 2012 at 1:08 pm

It's been rumored Mittens has been trafficking caffeine to the Salt Lake City area. There's no known paper trail, but if they ever find one, you can bet it ends in the Caymans.

BaldarTFlagass January 19, 2012 at 11:42 am

If our country has to be led by a bazillionaire alien president, I'd rather it be Thomas Jerome Newton.

Midway117 January 19, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Alas, he's too sexy, too smart, too thoughtful. We should be so lucky.

Baconzgood January 19, 2012 at 11:42 am

It takes till April to cook his tax returns? He needs a better CPA.

Callyson January 19, 2012 at 12:02 pm

I think his CPA gets a bonus check for stalling.

chicken_thief January 19, 2012 at 12:06 pm

He needs a better "damage control" team, too.

V572 the Merciless January 19, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Engnhng, when you actually are going to have to pay some taxes, which you do if all your income is from dividends and interest (because The Riches got furious when the IRS tried to add withholding to the payments like they do for W2 income) you're not in any hurry to file.

SayItWithWookies January 19, 2012 at 11:42 am

Don't worry, Republicans — when the last stupid, corrupt, horrible wife-swapping know-nothing quits the race, and Mitt's the last one standing there, you'll reluctantly accept his hand in unholy matrimony just like you did with McCain. And while it's tough being the twelve-year-old girl in this little arranged marriage, you'll begin to appreciate him when you're — um — forty or something, okay? We'll be waiting outside for the display of the bloody sheet.

DahBoner January 19, 2012 at 12:31 pm

#WINNING

ThundercatHo January 19, 2012 at 12:39 pm

Well, that sounds better than waiting for the frothy sheet.

paris biltong January 19, 2012 at 11:43 am

"Greater foreign interest" is a meaningless phrase in this context. What they're probably trying to refer to is "carried interest" and their failure to explain the facts reflects the failure of the press – and people in general – to appreciate the unbridgeable gap that exists between the rich and everyone else. They're different and should be eaten. Period.

LesBontemps January 19, 2012 at 11:50 am

Mmmmm, rich ……

paris biltong January 19, 2012 at 12:01 pm

Eat the Rich: there's only one thing they're good for
Eat the Rich: take one bite now – come back for more
Eat the Rich: I gotta get this off my chest
Eat the Rich: take one bite now, spit out the rest

chicken_thief January 19, 2012 at 11:58 am

I'm thinking that no matter what you marinade Mittens in or for how long, he'll still taste like some piece of plastic shit.

Sparky Mc███ January 19, 2012 at 12:11 pm

Eaten? I'm not eating one bite of those bastards, because I'm certain they taste as putrid as their souls.

Hera Sent Me January 19, 2012 at 11:44 am

A dog-abusing, flip-flopping, business-destroying, magic underpants-wearing, job-eliminating, money-laundering, born-rich guy with hair from Big Boy's and a smile like a botox patient.

Obama must have been a very, very good boy to get such a fabulous Christmas present this early.

Chet Kincaid January 19, 2012 at 12:00 pm

And Santa was all like, "I'll hold my nose and give him this present, but…"

Lascauxcaveman January 19, 2012 at 1:17 pm

And yet, even with all those qualifiers you've so diligently listed, he's the most "electable" of all the Republicans in the race.

Hopey, do not screw this up.

nounverb911 January 19, 2012 at 11:45 am

"We don't pay taxes. Only the little people pay taxes…"
–Leona Helmsley

SorosBot January 19, 2012 at 11:45 am

Shorter Mittens: "Maniacal laugh! Maniacal laugh!"

BerkeleyBear January 19, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Muppets libel!! Tex Richman at least could be fixed through severe head trauma – nothing's getting through Mittens' hair armor.

RedneckMuslin January 19, 2012 at 11:45 am

Cayman Islands are people, too, my friend!

Chet Kincaid January 19, 2012 at 11:46 am

You know who ELSE tried to hide their crime on a Caribbean Island?!

MissTaken January 19, 2012 at 11:49 am

Cpt Jack Sparrow?

fuflans January 19, 2012 at 2:41 pm

i do not know why, but if reports of cpt jack's split from his french sprite are true i will be sad.

LabRodent January 19, 2012 at 11:49 am

I'll take that weird guy who killed Natalie Holloway for the win Chet.

Chet Kincaid January 19, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Indeed!

GOPCrusher January 19, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Joran Van Der Sloot.

RedneckMuslin January 19, 2012 at 11:50 am

Christopher Columbus?

Blueb4sunrise January 19, 2012 at 11:53 am

Blahbeard?

SexySmurf January 19, 2012 at 11:53 am

Rastafarians?

SorosBot January 19, 2012 at 11:56 am

Dr. No?

Lascauxcaveman January 19, 2012 at 1:19 pm

Baby Doc. Also, Papa Doc, too.

Chet Kincaid January 19, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Not to mention Trujillo.

chicken_thief January 19, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Michael Corleone?

Chet Kincaid January 19, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Actually, Fredo.

actor212 January 19, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Damn. That was my next guess…

actor212 January 19, 2012 at 12:00 pm

The CIA at the Bay of Pigs?

jus_wonderin January 19, 2012 at 12:02 pm

The Bermuda Triangle?

IncenseDebate January 19, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Rush Limbaugh?

SudsMcKenzie January 19, 2012 at 12:06 pm

David Copperfield?

cheaphits January 19, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Hernán Cortés?

actor212 January 19, 2012 at 12:13 pm

Ernest Hemingway?

elviouslyqueer January 19, 2012 at 12:19 pm

Tom Cruise in The Firm?

BaldarTFlagass January 19, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Dr. Moreau?

gullywompr January 19, 2012 at 12:39 pm

The Dutch?

fuflans January 19, 2012 at 2:43 pm

edmund dantes?

gurukalehuru January 19, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Me, once or twice.

Gainsbourg69 January 19, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Dr. Esteban De La Fuente?

Dudleydidwrong January 19, 2012 at 11:14 pm

Admiral Dewey? (Sorry, Not That)

freakishlywrong January 19, 2012 at 11:47 am

Wow, Mormons are weird. They can't smoke, drink or cuss but apparently lying, stealing and cheating are all a-ok.

actor212 January 19, 2012 at 11:49 am

Well, how would YOU juggle five wives?

Monsieur_Grumpe January 19, 2012 at 12:04 pm

I have a distrust of Mormons which comes from actual experience. Let’s just say some Mormons have no problem breaking contracts when it’s justified by God.

LiveToServeYa January 19, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Or justified because the little clock in their head went cuckoo.

Swampgas_Man January 19, 2012 at 6:07 pm

Or the little cash register in their head went ka-CHING!

DahBoner January 19, 2012 at 12:33 pm

I have a distrust of Mormons People Who Have To Tell You That They Are Christians which comes from actual experience…

Fixed.

jus_wonderin January 19, 2012 at 12:10 pm

I am not familiar with their religion. Does it work similar to a cafeteria plan?

DahBoner January 19, 2012 at 12:34 pm

All religions pick and choose which side verses they like..

fartknocker January 19, 2012 at 11:47 am

Offshore banks are corporations and my friend, people.

If had one percent of his wealth I would do stupid shit like pay off mortgages for poor people, give money to the local food bank and animal shelter, and other liberal, progressive things. I would help some homeless folks. Yeah, I'm just another money grabing fucking liberal giving handouts.

jus_wonderin January 19, 2012 at 12:13 pm

No snark: I agree with the sentiment.

imissopus January 19, 2012 at 12:42 pm

See, that's why libtards are so stupid with all their humanitarian philanthropy and whatnot. If you were a smart businessman like Mittens you would tithe your church so you can have your own planet after you die.

Biff January 19, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Yeah, like he's given them upwards of $25 million…

Chet Kincaid January 19, 2012 at 1:24 pm

But he gave $50 to a black lady to pay her light bill!

Swampgas_Man January 19, 2012 at 6:08 pm

See? That's WHY you don't have his kind of money.

Jukesgrrl January 19, 2012 at 6:22 pm

And can NEVER have nice things.

Chillwillard January 19, 2012 at 11:48 am

The Cayman Islands sound like a wonderful place for Mittens to go eff himself and retire.

finallyhappy January 19, 2012 at 11:49 am

I have money offshore as well- I lost $1 that I had in a pocket when I stupidly went wading in Florida in a pair of shorts.

IRLTroll January 19, 2012 at 11:50 am

Romney owes us a sound bite commensurate with his capitalist idols: JG Wentworth and Wesley Snipes. "That’s probably what I would do" isn't going to cut it.

Pragmatist2 January 19, 2012 at 11:51 am

"Uninevitable, that's what you are.
Uninevitable, you came so far
Like a childish crush that used to be
Mitt, my friend, you're now history.
Rarely before has someone been more
Uninevitable on Saturday
Then forever more, you'll go away
Because, Romney, c'est inevitable
The GOP found you inedible
And now will love Newton Leroy more than you."

Goonemeritus January 19, 2012 at 11:52 am

Lets not jump to conclusions here Mitt may have a reasonable explanation, those accounts could be for another wife and family that live off shore.

DahBoner January 19, 2012 at 12:03 pm

those accounts could be for another wife and family that live off shore.

A very, very tiny family that could fit in a post office box!

Callyson January 19, 2012 at 11:56 am

"I think I’ve heard enough from folks saying, look, let’s see your tax records."
Mittens wants us all to pipe down–if we have to bring up such delicate issues, we should do so in a quiet room somewhere…

LesBontemps January 19, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Love to, if the quiet room features a rack.

Biff January 19, 2012 at 12:46 pm

In a quiet room noone can here you scream.

Generation[redacted] January 19, 2012 at 12:02 pm

The Cayman Islands, or as I like to call it, "Galt's Archipelago."

DahBoner January 19, 2012 at 12:03 pm

My accountant tells me I can save a lot of money on taxes, if I move my business to a post office box in the Bahamas….

Polythene_Pam January 19, 2012 at 12:54 pm

My accountant tells me that I can save a lot of money on taxes if I move my family to a storage unit right here in the Chicago suburbs.

Chet Kincaid January 19, 2012 at 1:10 pm

I'd go with a PODS® moving container in a Cook County Forest Preserve.

TanzbodenKoenig January 19, 2012 at 12:05 pm

Tax dodgers are people, my friend

BlueStateLibel January 19, 2012 at 12:07 pm

You have to wonder at the sheer stupidity here – you would think one of his advisors would have advised him, "Look, if you're going to run for POTUS, you can't be stashing money in the Cayman Islands. Or bragging about how you tortured your dog." What gives? (Rhetorical question that has no answer.)

actor212 January 19, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Probably the same guy who told him to hire a lawn contractor that uses undocumented workers.

DahBoner January 19, 2012 at 12:35 pm

You have to wonder at the sheer stupidity here…

All rich people think that rules don't apply to them….

GOPCrusher January 19, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Well, he is running against a guy that says we should fire janitors and put poor, blah, children to work cleaning toilets.

SayItWithWookies January 19, 2012 at 12:07 pm

I still can't get over the fact that in a race with two Mormons, Newt ends up being the polygamist, while in a race featuring Newt Gingrich, the unscrupulous tax-evading sleaze turns out to be Mitt Romney. Fuck it, I'm gonna go outside and open my mouth, 'cause it's bound to start raining cotton candy at this point.

Dudleydidwrong January 19, 2012 at 11:21 pm

Win!

SorosBot January 19, 2012 at 12:09 pm
Guppy January 19, 2012 at 12:09 pm

"even if he kept all his money in a Serta mattress"

Unless they bring back the $10,000 bill, there's no mattress big enough.

cheaphits January 19, 2012 at 12:15 pm

I wonder how much of those ill-gotten gains have wandered back onshore and have found a new home in a PAC?

Mitt the Magic Morman,

Lived on TV

And frolicked in the financial mist –

with his P-A-C.'s.

thefrontpage January 19, 2012 at 12:17 pm

My name is Al Gotti-Lansky, and I run Shadyside Investments in the Cayman Islands, and I'm proud to report that I have an account here at Shadyside Investments for $6.9 million in the name of Mitt Romney. My buddy Corleone Clemenza, who runs Hidden Assets, Inc., here in the Caymans, says he also has an account for $6.9 million with the name of Mitt Romney. And our pal Vincenzo "Big Tony" Dillinger, who runs Money Stash, Inc., here in the Caymans, reports that he also has an account of $6.9 million in the name of Mitt Romney.

ttommyunger January 19, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Mitt is so fucked; and I am so glad. I can't wait for the Schmanitty Spin on this one.

Eve8Apples January 19, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Mitt Romney/Leona Helmsley 2012

"We don't pay taxes. Only the little people pay taxes."

James Michael Curley January 19, 2012 at 12:20 pm

You wonder why Chris Christie enthusiasticly supports the Mitbot?
"2006:Dunkin’ Brands, Inc. is purchased by Bain Capital LLC, The Carlyle Group, and Thomas H. Lee Partners, L.P."

Generation[redacted] January 19, 2012 at 12:21 pm

He was promised infinite pie.

Dashboard Buddha January 19, 2012 at 12:42 pm

that's just irrational.

Biff January 19, 2012 at 1:00 pm

∞ π

DahBoner January 19, 2012 at 12:39 pm

Bain Capital Owns Clear Channel (Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Glenn Beck, Michael Savage…

Boss Man says lots of idiots LOVE Mitt Romney!
http://www.infowars.com/bain-capital-owns-clear-c

paris biltong January 19, 2012 at 12:21 pm

"When billed for $134,909 in property taxes on their beachside home in San Diego in 2009, the Romneys appealed the assessment, according to an official at the city property assessor’s office.

Mr. and Mrs. Romney won the appeal. The bill was reduced by $9,617, for a total of $125,292. "

Cheapskate.

Steverino247 January 19, 2012 at 1:24 pm

Hmm. That must be the reason why I can't get a pay increase despite having "exceeds expectations" reviews for the past five years.

owhatever January 19, 2012 at 12:26 pm

Why do the Republicans hate rich people?

BaldarTFlagass January 19, 2012 at 12:30 pm

I guess if he and the rest Romney clan move to the Caymans, someone could do an update of that old family favorite, Swiss Bank Account Family Romneyson.

jus_wonderin January 19, 2012 at 12:32 pm

That premise/pitch could work. It would have to be a comedy though.

Biff January 19, 2012 at 12:39 pm

There's just not enough room for so many zeros on a regular working stiff's W-2.

real_dc_native January 19, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Let's just cut out the middle-man. Goldman Sachs/Morgan Stanley 2012!

imissopus January 19, 2012 at 12:48 pm

The Caymans? Isn't that where fugitive arms merchants on "Burn Notice" are always keeping all their money? I don't think this will end well for Mittens.

Mumbletypeg January 19, 2012 at 12:49 pm

points to anyone who can get Mitt to release a tax return from any year not immediately preceding the last two presidential elections!

Clearly this is a job for Tennessee Ron, no? I mean, the guy said he'd do practically "anything"..

Polythene_Pam January 19, 2012 at 12:50 pm

So, if all of the current GOP candidates are exposed for who they really are and are, therefore, rendered unelectable even to their base…

Who do you think they'll nominate? Or, can they just take a pass in November, let Obama run unopposed?

SayItWithWookies January 19, 2012 at 1:01 pm

Remember, Herman Cain just suspended his campaign.

Chet Kincaid January 19, 2012 at 1:20 pm

There's the Nuclear Option – a brokered convention with Jeb Bush emerging ascendant. Slogan ideas being spitballed:

Bush 2012 – I'm The Smart One

Bush 2012 – Wait, Hear Me Out!

Bush 2012 – It Should Have Been Me First!

spends2much January 19, 2012 at 12:53 pm

So. Not smart enough to move his money before the Colonoscopy that is the US Presidential Campaign. Or does he have a bit of the Johnny Reed Edwards about him, and feel like he's bulletproof?

Moral: You can't trust politicians with overly coiffed hair.

MissTaken January 19, 2012 at 12:57 pm

You all don't get it. Just think of how much he'll have to pay in US taxes when he repatriates that money back stateside. We'll get him eventually!

HAHA! Glad you all didn't see me trying (and failing) to keep a straight face with that line of bullshit!

Chet Kincaid January 19, 2012 at 1:06 pm

You just gave my wallet a stiffy!

Wonderthing January 19, 2012 at 1:15 pm

"It's legal!" Of course it's legal, you numbnuts, you wrote the effing laws.

("It's a little joke. They give me the bill. I tear up the bill." –The prefect of police, Casablanca)

Steverino247 January 19, 2012 at 1:26 pm

"Obama Invades Caymans, Erases Deficit"

Clearly, Reagan invaded the wrong island…

johnadamsxii January 19, 2012 at 1:26 pm

A couple of things to note:
* Romney is worth about 250 million dollars
* It's perfectly legal to have money in off-shore accounts
* He pays full capital gains tax on that money the same as if it were in the US
This is really a non-story.

Steverino247 January 19, 2012 at 1:32 pm

I'd be willing to bet (just not $10,000) that Mitt Romulan got his experience firing people as a Mormon Bishop long before he went "Full Bain."

True story: I was once present for lunch with two LSD officials (one Bishop and one psychologist) and after a while they forgot I wasn't one of them. They started talking about the personal problems of their members. After that little update was over, I listened to them discuss who the Bishop was going to get rid of at the plant because someone was coming in from Salt Lake City and needed a good job for his large family and so they could collect the tithes. Needless to say, I had to really restrain myself from, well, I'll let you guess.

You know what else I wanted to do to these assholes?

gurukalehuru January 19, 2012 at 3:14 pm

That's LDS. Or maybe you were right, Who am I to say?

real_dc_native January 19, 2012 at 3:35 pm

I prefer LSD to LDS, thank you.

Steverino247 January 19, 2012 at 5:18 pm

Being aware of their view of the afterlife and other requirements, I'd say LSD was taken somewhere along the way to the printers.

LennyCardboard January 19, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Mitt Romney: Believe In America, Invest In The Caymans

BZ1 January 19, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Mittens, just a beach bum in the Cayman Islands, a very rich beach bum …

HamsterSandwich January 19, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Stop being jealous. You too can invest wisely with me and make a fortune. Cash-out you 401ks and IRAs and send your hard-earned cash to me at:

Doubtful Investment Strategies, LLC.
C/O HamsterSandwich
1 Scenic Ocean-Front Boulevard
Penthouse Suite
Ritz Carlton
Grand Cayman, KY1-1102,
Cayman Islands

OR call: 1-888-Yea-Sure (1-888-932-7873)

Leave a message if I'm not in or try me at the pool bar cabana.

gurukalehuru January 19, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Weasel Willard, the Cayman Mormon.

johnadamsxii January 19, 2012 at 3:29 pm

There is nothing illegal about American companies having off-shore accounts. They are used to attract foreign investors. Mitt Romney pays the same capital gains taxes on those accounts as if they were in the U.S. Plus Mitt Romney's effective tax rate, like that of most rich people, is greater than that of the average American. http://money.cnn.com/2012/01/18/news/economy/Romnhttp://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/2834976/

Not to mention that the vast majority of income tax collected by the IRS comes from the wealthiest Americans, with the wealthiest 1% accounting for one-third of all income tax collected.

BTW, Romney is worth about 250 million dollars, Ted Turner about two billion, George Soros about eight billion, and Warren Buffett about 50 billion.

fitley January 19, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Willard if you win the primary will you bring your money home to the United States?

sati_demise January 19, 2012 at 4:23 pm

And these are the accounts we KNOW ABOUT.

just sayin'

actor212 January 19, 2012 at 11:37 am

Not since I parked my sparkle-Hummer up there.

Limeylizzie January 19, 2012 at 11:41 am

I think there are dead fetuses up there.

chicken_thief January 19, 2012 at 11:44 am

Too bad the Mormunz can't smoke. Otherwise he could also too puff a cigar as he fires people.

Blueb4sunrise January 19, 2012 at 11:50 am

YOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dashboard Buddha January 19, 2012 at 12:04 pm

I love you. You know that, right?

Limeylizzie January 19, 2012 at 7:43 pm

I would think so!

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