the narrative cannot hold

Oopsies, Mitt Romney Probably Did Not Win Iowa Primary

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The team of artificial intelligence experts currently maintaining the Mitt Romney apparatus may soon need to inject their baby with a bit more inevitability fluid. You may recall the reports that Mitt’s 8-vote victory in the Iowa primary may have in fact been a 12-vote loss due to a reporting error. But, ugh, counting and stuff is so boring everyone pretty much ignored that story. Plus some slick GOP toadies rushed to assure everyone that Mitt was the true victor, not that smug weirdo Rick Santorum. Actual election officials, however, will begin the certification process tonight and most likely hand Santorum the win about two weeks too late for it to matter. What a frothy mess. [Daily Beast]

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • nounverb911

    Math is hard.

    • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

      Yep. Just ask the people who wrote the 117 questions on "100 Questions for the Girl Scouts"

      • Dudleydidwrong

        That's not even within the Standard Deviation, but since we're talking about Girl Scouts and some hanky-panky leadership, it may all involve some standard of deviancy.

        Or else the fuckers just can't count…Is there a merit badge for counting?

      • Dashboard Buddha

        That sounds like a handbook for pederasts.

    • Sue4466

      Malibu Stacy, is that you?

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    Well, at least we won't have to put up with that mouthy loser Mitt Romney any more.

  • nounverb911

    "about two weeks too late"
    Little Ricky hears that a lot from Karen too.

  • Troubledog

    This is the break Buddy Roemer has been waiting for #roementum

  • SorosBot

    So Santorum really did shoot from the rear to come out on top in Iowa.

    • Barb

      Jesus, tap dancing Christ! It's lunchtime on the west coast, ya know? LOL

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        That's OK, I could stand to lose the poundage. (barfs)

      • MissTaken

        It's okay, my elite SF salad didn't look that good anyway

        • littlebigdaddy

          That arugula will give you teh ghey, or so I hear.

  • Barb

    Santorum should celebrate with a pizza party, delivered by Herman Cain.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      "Are you the dude that ordered the meat lovers supreme?"

      Bow chicka bow bow

      • Barb

        "oh look, two pizza delivery guys showed up!"

        Bow chicka bow bow

  • OneYieldRegular

    "1, 2, uh…2…uh…sorry, I can't. Oops."

  • orygoon

    More than good enough for the Supreme Court, that sort of thing.

  • LetUsBray

    Sure, but as Rethugs assured us after the 2000 election, true democracy doesn't require that the votes be counted thoroughly or accurately, or that the candidate who received the most be considered the winner. So it's only right that no one cares about this.

  • ttommyunger

    You have to win with the votes you have, not the votes you'd like to have – Donald "Fuckface" Rumsfeld, or somebody like him, maybe Cheney.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Nah, you got it the first time. It was Fuckface.

  • widestanceshakedown

    Where are those black-robed masters when you really need them?

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Masturbating in Sylvia's House of Sado-Masochistic legal decisions

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumblety██

    It's the most meh-worthy "close race" ever, weighing the merits of these cartoon characters pitted against eachother. I'd rather see the photo finish for which fear factor is closer in a cross-section of conservatard specimens: hardening of the – – a.) arteries when it comes to flow of reason; b.) cartilage around the logic lobe; c.) heart, period?
    It's a tough call, and my mind would sooner mutter over these possible inputs to denial-bleating voter syndrome, than those debutwantes' outcomes and "surges" of sheeple-driven momentum.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      How d'you pronounce "debutwantes"?

      • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumblety██

        It's a double-entendre, wrapped in a portmanteau, disguised poorly as a pun.
        Now that you mention it, it's more fun saying "debu-twats" which I'll pretend was my original intent~

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Hey, no, actually, I was thinking exactly the same thing.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    They should put the Arthur Anderson accounting firm in charge of counting the votes, or some other trustworthy Wall Street actuarial firm or something.

    • proudgrampa

      I see what you did there! Hah!

  • Texan_Bulldog

    Diebold libel!!1!!

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    Oh, this is WUNNERFUL! Cage fight? MMA? Santorum's bigger than he looks, and he's younger, too. OTOH, Mittens gets MAD real easy and loses it and turns into a spluttering killbot.

    FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

  • http://wonkette.com Pres.VerminSupreme

    I knew Santorum would eventually slip out from behind.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    This is all just a smear on Santorum

  • Beowoof

    Seems they use the same math for voting as they do for budgets and taxes.

  • ingloriousbytch

    And yet these dicksmacks want to save the rest of us from "voter fraud."

    • GOPCrusher

      I can just about guarantee you that no blahs voted in the Iowa Republiklan Caucuses.

  • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

    That just goes to show how a few votes either way can change the outcome … sometimes with tragic results. Like in 2000 when Bush won the Presidential election by just one vote!

  • elviouslyqueer

    Hooray! Creamcups for everyone!

  • MiniMencken

    I think we should just let Scalia and Thomas declare the winner to be whoever they like. That's the American Way, you know.

  • DahBoner

    Will GOP Douchebags Scalia and Thomas step in to save America from this uncertainty?

  • Callyson

    When local television station KCCI inquired about True’s totals, an Iowa Republican spokeswoman was paraphrased on background saying, “True is not a precinct captain and he's not a county chairperson so he has no business talking about election results.”
    Yeah–anything that is true has no business getting involved with the Republicans…

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    But do we know how many illegal votes James O'Keefe casted?

  • Gl████Mc██████

    Romney can't stop the Santorum story from leaking!

  • denverite

    Sarcasm aside, this is a significant issue -as Mittens was portrayed as the frontrunner after Iowa, which helped him in NH. And his campaign's pitch/media's coverage in NC is that he steamrolled the last 2 states…etc…therefore he's the slamdunk nominee.

    Appearance is everything and I'm disappointed with the NYT/BBC et.al. for not bringing up the error in caucus results when it was raised 2 days after the election.

  • MinAgain

    Better let that guy in Tennessee know that Iowa is already embarassing Romney.

  • Come here a minute

    Oh sure, everyone is hating on froth, but they love it so much in their fancy coffee drinks.

  • littlebigdaddy

    Needz moar frothy mixture!

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    Iowans can't count, who knew?

  • arcadesproject

    the party pros want who the party pros want and they get what they want. can anbody spell O?

  • mavenmaven

    Its the GOP, you get the vote count you pay for.