the narrative cannot hold

Oopsies, Mitt Romney Probably Did Not Win Iowa Primary

The team of artificial intelligence experts currently maintaining the Mitt Romney apparatus may soon need to inject their baby with a bit more inevitability fluid. You may recall the reports that Mitt’s 8-vote victory in the Iowa primary may have in fact been a 12-vote loss due to a reporting error. But, ugh, counting and stuff is so boring everyone pretty much ignored that story. Plus some slick GOP toadies rushed to assure everyone that Mitt was the true victor, not that smug weirdo Rick Santorum. Actual election officials, however, will begin the certification process tonight and most likely hand Santorum the win about two weeks too late for it to matter. What a frothy mess. [Daily Beast]

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      1. Dudleydidwrong

        That's not even within the Standard Deviation, but since we're talking about Girl Scouts and some hanky-panky leadership, it may all involve some standard of deviancy.

        Or else the fuckers just can't count…Is there a merit badge for counting?

  1. LetUsBray

    Sure, but as Rethugs assured us after the 2000 election, true democracy doesn't require that the votes be counted thoroughly or accurately, or that the candidate who received the most be considered the winner. So it's only right that no one cares about this.

  2. ttommyunger

    You have to win with the votes you have, not the votes you'd like to have – Donald "Fuckface" Rumsfeld, or somebody like him, maybe Cheney.

  3. Mumblety██

    It's the most meh-worthy "close race" ever, weighing the merits of these cartoon characters pitted against eachother. I'd rather see the photo finish for which fear factor is closer in a cross-section of conservatard specimens: hardening of the – – a.) arteries when it comes to flow of reason; b.) cartilage around the logic lobe; c.) heart, period?
    It's a tough call, and my mind would sooner mutter over these possible inputs to denial-bleating voter syndrome, than those debutwantes' outcomes and "surges" of sheeple-driven momentum.

      1. Mumblety██

        It's a double-entendre, wrapped in a portmanteau, disguised poorly as a pun.
        Now that you mention it, it's more fun saying "debu-twats" which I'll pretend was my original intent~

  4. BaldarTFlagass

    They should put the Arthur Anderson accounting firm in charge of counting the votes, or some other trustworthy Wall Street actuarial firm or something.

  5. MittBorg

    Oh, this is WUNNERFUL! Cage fight? MMA? Santorum's bigger than he looks, and he's younger, too. OTOH, Mittens gets MAD real easy and loses it and turns into a spluttering killbot.


  6. JustPixelz

    That just goes to show how a few votes either way can change the outcome … sometimes with tragic results. Like in 2000 when Bush won the Presidential election by just one vote!

  7. MiniMencken

    I think we should just let Scalia and Thomas declare the winner to be whoever they like. That's the American Way, you know.

  8. Callyson

    When local television station KCCI inquired about True’s totals, an Iowa Republican spokeswoman was paraphrased on background saying, “True is not a precinct captain and he's not a county chairperson so he has no business talking about election results.”
    Yeah–anything that is true has no business getting involved with the Republicans…

  9. denverite

    Sarcasm aside, this is a significant issue -as Mittens was portrayed as the frontrunner after Iowa, which helped him in NH. And his campaign's pitch/media's coverage in NC is that he steamrolled the last 2 states…etc…therefore he's the slamdunk nominee.

    Appearance is everything and I'm disappointed with the NYT/BBC for not bringing up the error in caucus results when it was raised 2 days after the election.

  10. Come here a minute

    Oh sure, everyone is hating on froth, but they love it so much in their fancy coffee drinks.

  11. arcadesproject

    the party pros want who the party pros want and they get what they want. can anbody spell O?

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