arms outstretched

Sarah Palin Would Vote for Gingrich … In South Carolina

whoever gets me the most tv appearances for president

Prattler extraordinaire Sarah Palin came the closest yet to endorsing someone as the Republican nominee when she told Fox News’s Sean Hannity on Tuesday that she’d vote for Newt Gingrich in the South Carolina primary. But you see, this is not an endorsement at all, so for confused Republicans still planning on voting Republican this year, we still haven’t found your svengali. Palin said that if she were a voting South Carolinian, she’d choose Newt because basically it would prevent us all from having to enter our probably only months-long arranged marriage with Mitt Romney sooner than is desired (which is NEVARRRR, but the summer would be our second choice after that).

Hannity showed some clips of the roaring patriotism/intoxication of the audience at Monday’s debate, to which Palin responded that all the candidates looked great that night, adding:

All of ‘em seem to be loaded for bear…or moose…or whatever.

Palin then applauded Perry and Santorum, completely ignored Romney, then threw her support around Gingrich, saying he “won” the debate, “if you will.” When pressed by Hannity on whom she’d endorse-or-close-enough, Palin responded:

If I were a South Carolinian…I wanna see this thing continue, because iron sharpens iron, steel sharpens steel. These guys are getting better in their debates, they’re getting more concise, they’re getting more grounded, in what their beliefs are and articulating what their ideas are…in order to keep this thing going, I’d vote for Newt…We know the mistake made in our country four years ago was having a candidate that was not vetted to the degree he should have been so that we know — knew what his associations and his pals represented and what went into his thinking, the shaping of who our president today is.

Kay. Well, Todd Palin already officially endorsed Gingrich, and it’s not a total surprise that Mrs. Palin, lover of spotlights, would choose Gingrich, adulterer of spotlights. But the assumption with the above is also that Palin is afraid that Romney is — HOW DARE SHE — not what he says he is. That she just wants us all to be prepared for and certain of what some weird portion of this country has somehow already decided to lift up into the sky as their chosen lion king. That we don’t know enough about Romney’s “associations and his pals” (easy, he doesn’t have any) and what goes “into his thinking” (a series of 0s and 1s) and what is “shaping” him (each pair of Romney-voting hands, joining together in one abominable sculpture project).

As for Newt, he’s all for it, obviously. The Fox News clip is now on his website, and he tweeted his thanks as well, also including the video in THAT, in case you had any doubts. [Wall Street Journal]

About the author

Liz is a writer. She has written for this site, evidently, and also The Awl, The San Francisco Chronicle, NPR, The Economist and others. She is the author of a short story collection, Cover Story.

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209 comments

      1. edgydrifter

        I didn't spend all those years playing Dungeons and Dragons and not learn a little something about sharpening a blade. Steel blunts steel, no matter what it says in Proverbs.

    1. Serolf_Divad

      I want to know how much Obama is paying Palin to endorse Gingrich… or any one of his opponents for that matter?

    1. Not_So_Much

      Based on the mouth farts that fall out of her cake-hole, I just assumed that was undiagnosed Hydroencephalitis.

  1. SorosBot

    "We know the mistake made in our country four years ago was having a candidate that was not vetted to the degree he should have been"

    Uh, no, the mistake that made by the Republican Party four years ago was having a VP candidate that was not vetted to the degree she should have been, dooming their ticked.

    1. paris biltong

      "…dooming their ticked off presidential candidate" is probably what you meant.

      I can't help thinking that Palin never used the verb "to vet" before 2008 and probably though it was a Jewish term to describe what kids do to their bed.

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        Maybe she thinks "vetted" means "molested by a middle-age-crisis guy in a fiberglass 2-seat sports car built by Chevy with a bunch of Boone's Farm and blow."

      2. Crank_Tango

        To a girl Palin, it means getting banged by a gang of vets. Animal doctors or former soldiers, no matter.

        Support are troopz!

    2. fuflans

      yet another example of republican opposite world. yesterday (?) i heard somebody somewhere on public radio (thomas frank?) talk about how successful this strategy has been – and how diabolical.

      now, in sp's case, i doubt it is 'strategy'. more like 'talking point written on hand'.

    3. tessiee

      I assume this was what passes for subtle in what passes for $arah's mind, and she was referring to Obama; but the unintentional irony is that everyone who hears it will immediately know it refers to her.

    4. GOPCrusher

      Fours years later and Bible Spice still can't seem to grasp the idea that America didn't love her and old Whatshisname enough to elect them to lead this country out of economic disaster.

  2. prommie

    Is it just me, or does anyone else find this post extremely difficult to mastaurbate to? Wonkette overlords, please help us, post some pron, that we might fap away this nightmare despite the internet shutdown.

        1. Terry

          You could also try going out and meeting an actual person, and not the kind you roll up next to on the street and offer money.

        2. nonbeliever7

          Just buy one item from Victoria's Secret and you'll get free US Mail approved pron forever. But, of course, you have to fight your teenage son for it.

      1. SorosBot

        While a Michelle Trachtenberg softcore porn would be nice, it would make watching those late Buffy seasons where she was just a kid even more uncomfortable. Oh and that emailer really seems like a creepy stalker.

      1. Chet Kincaid

        I thought about asking if you were into "Strapping, Newly-Rich NBA Star Seeks Financial Advice In Sultry Accountant's Private Office", but my heart belongs to Limeylizzie.

  3. WhatTheHeck

    She’s like a hooker trolling for a “John’ to sink her grappling hooks into hoping to hitch a ride to the White House.

  4. Barb

    Palin recently tweeted:

    What's radical & intolerant about Santorum/Romney/Gingrich et al's position on the definition of marriage? It's the same position as Obama's
    —————————–
    I responded, "Unlike you Palin gals who just show a man a positive result on a pee stick and consider that the definition of marriage"
    She has yet to respond, lol.

    1. tessiee

      "Palin gals who just show a man a positive result on a pee stick and consider that the definition of marriage"

      Apparently, it's also their definition of "abstinence".

    1. yrbmegr

      Nah. She's just going to pay O'Keefe to vote for Gingrich for her…and Todd…and her 50,000 children.

  5. Gratuitous World

    "We know the mistake made in our country four years ago was having a candidate that was not vetted to the degree he should have been"

    I believe she lifted this quote from Chapter 12 in McCain's upcoming autobiography , titled, "Picking a VP – I'm a Fucking Idiot."

  6. Negligently_Joe

    We know the mistake made in our country four years ago was having a candidate that was not vetted to the degree he should have been

    "…but enough about how I single-handedly destroyed what little chance McCain had of winning that election" Palin continued.

  7. BaldarTFlagass

    "I wanna see this thing continue, because iron sharpens iron, steel sharpens steel."

    And paper covers rock, rock breaks scissors, and scissors cut paper. What to do, what to do???

    1. prommie

      Tapers off after a few years. Her progress is actually typical, as time passes, her outbreaks will become rarer and less severe.

    2. GOPCrusher

      Roger Ailes is just trying to get his money's worth out of her, before he drops her back off at her street corner.

  8. Joshua Norton

    These guys are getting better in their debates,

    After, what? 675 consecutive debates? Talk about damning with faint praise. About as good as "almost" hitting the toilet.

    The only way the debates are going to get better is if they start using live ammo.

  9. MissTaken

    Wait! She wants "this thing" to continue, yet she's already saying she would vote for Gingrich. Doesn't that imply that she's made her choice and so should America? Or maybe I'm just throwing a logic blanket on her otherwise stellar bullshit bonfire.

    1. prommie

      Your happy time joy cycle on the washing machine must have you addled. She was oh so carefully having her cake and eating it, too. She never said she wanted Gingrich to be the nominee, she just said she wanted to see the primary continue to be a contest, and would therefore vote for Gingrich presumably just to sharpen up Romney. Sneaky cunt, is what she is.

  10. Allmighty_Manos

    "Palin responded that all the candidates looked great that night, adding: All of ‘em seem to be loaded for bear…or moose…or whatever."

    That's what they're calling them now?

  11. spends2much

    Anybody else think that watching the Tundra Grifter hit her 50s and beyond is going to be worth having to listen to her screech occasionally? I think she is going to stick with the brown hair, bumpits, and drag-queen-quantities of makeup until she's even more senile, and it's going to be quite hilarious.
    Add some more cheek contour, honey!

    1. Spurning Beer

      Absolutely. Paparazzi will earn their place in our economy, and I will subscribe to celebrity magazines if they provide good shots of cellulite, bingo wings, grey roots, jowls, and skin-crocodiling on Sarah.

      (Funny. Being petty, catty and superficial didn't feel all that bad just now.)

      1. tessiee

        "bingo wings"

        I was picturing the white streaks that Paulie Walnuts has, then I realized that you were referring to "Hadassah arms".

  12. Mumblety██

    I don't get the Newt endorsement. Seems like she'd be more aligned with Santorum, who's also pro-populate-for-whitey, approx. same # of kids in the brood, ready to frack the earth for all its worth in fossil fuels, and maintaining a relatively fit & trim physique, letting all that lard-spume-for-thought go to their brain rather than the belly.

  13. UnholyMoses

    "… they’re getting more grounded, in what their beliefs are and articulating what their ideas are … "

    Beliefs: Gays are evil and destroying our nation, corporations can do whatever the fuck they want, and black kids should be cleaning toilets and picking our food.

    Ideas: Cut taxes on rich folks, prevent anyone but the rich from affording health care, and make the poor even poorer.

    There — I was even more concise in articulating the GOP's beliefs and ideas.

    I can haz endorsement now?

  14. DaRooster

    "…Palin is afraid that Romney is — HOW DARE SHE — not what he says he is."

    Don't worry, that'll change…

  15. thefrontpage

    Speaking of Palin, for those of you going to the CPAC Horrorfest at the Marriott Wardman Park Hotel in D.C. in February, this interesting item appears on the Official CPAC Convention Schedule:

    Saturday night, 11:50 p.m.: Naked Party, Palin Suite: Join the voluptuous and gorgeous sexy politico babe Sarah "Hot Stuff" Palin as she hosts a Naked Party in her expansive 13th-floor suite, known coyly as "The 'Hospitality' Sweet Suite!" There is no cost, there will be a free open cash bar, free appetizers, and the only requirement for entry is that you have to strip off all of your clothes and attend naked. Also appearing: Ann Coulter, Michelle Malkin, Christy O'Donnell, Michelle Bachmann.

    1. elviouslyqueer

      Eeesh. With that many vagina dentatas on full display, it'll be like watching a school of anorexic piranhas.

    2. tessiee

      "you have to strip off all of your clothes and attend naked. Also appearing: Ann Coulter"

      Duct tape doesn't count as clothes?

  16. Chillwillard

    All of ‘em seem to be loaded for bear…or moose…or whatever.

    Or "All of 'em, Sean."

    What a dumb cunt. Over 3 years since the Couric interview and she still can't answer a simple fucking question.

  17. SorosBot

    And how the fuck exactly did we not "knew what his associations and his pals represented and what went into his thinking"? Remember all the nonsense during the election about Rev. White? Or how about Bill Ayers, just a guy Obama somewhat knew? Or Tony Rezko, just a monetary donator? The mainstream media went on and on about these fake controversies, trying to smear Obama with guilt by association. Fuck, there was more digging into his background than any other presidential candidate in history. How the fuck was he not vetted?

      1. SorosBot

        I think the bizarre claim that Obama wasn't vetted, along with the bullshit claims of voter fraud, go to the wingnuts' inability to accept that the majority of Americans actually are non-racist enough to vote for a black guy for President.

    1. Crank_Tango

      Because no one came out and used the N-word. There are probably dozens of blind voters that accidentally voted for him, not knowing the horrible truth.

    2. tessiee

      "How the fuck was he not vetted?"

      One simple word, the same simple word that explains everything they say about him, no matter how unsubstantiated or off-the-wall:

      Blah.

  18. ElPinche

    If she is the maverick rogue moose-fucker she claims to be, she shoulda fake voted for Ron Paul or even Santorum. Newt is a giant slab of GOP establishment. I guess that whole tea party thang is so passé.

    1. GOPCrusher

      In fact, the Tea Baggers have been strangely quiet for a few months. Wonder what they are up to?

  19. OneYieldRegular

    "— knew what his associations and his pals represented and what went into his thinking, the shaping of who our president today is."

    Only someone who's so ignorant of American history that she thinks it's represented by Paul Revere wearing a tri-cornered hat, waving an American flag (with 50 stars) and riding around New Hampshire (or was it New Amsterdam?) yelling at people that the British were here to take away our 2nd Amendment rights could see "what went into his thinking, the shaping of who our president today is" [sic] as some sort of mystery.

  20. actor212

    This is some grade B performance art, even by Roger Ailes standards. Not content with having his payrolled minions put Mitt down and try to inoculate Fox from his failure to win the White House this fall, he sends Palin out to hammer the message home with a sledge.

    1. El ████

      I've noticed that Grifter looking harsh lately. When Greta Van Susteren or Brian Kilmeade starts looking better than Palin, Ailes is going to pull the trap door on her.

  21. MissTaken

    "All of ‘em seem to be loaded for bear…or moose…or whatever."

    How exactly does one become 'loaded for bear'? I'm envisioning a day of full front to back waxing and anal bleaching but I could be wrong.

    1. Barb

      Oh no way would I go through all of that. It's enough for me to keep the front room "ready for company", if you know what I mean. Hey, we can't keep the Christmas lights up year 'round.

    2. Chichikovovich

      anal bleaching????
      .
      .
      [quickly Googles] Huh. Câlisse. That's a real thing.
      .
      .
      I guess I am as out of touch as my son says I am.

  22. ttommyunger

    Thanks for not including audio. l can still fap to her picture, imagining giving her a good hate-fucking; bending her over her dining room table, wiping my dick off on the drapes and breaking a lamp on the way out, but that voice….that voice…..instant soft-on.

  23. prommie

    Could someone introduce her to the active voice, please? Jesus, its exhausting wading through her sentences, trying to figure out who or what is the moving force, who is doing all this choosing and vetting, she so clings to the passive voice and the unspoken subject, like a fucking lying child. "What happened to the vase?" "It got broken." Mistakes were made. The dog was fucked. What was the mistake that was made here in Wasilla about the drug-taking thing is that coke was snorted over there on that barrel thing what with the snowmachine racing.

  24. Chichikovovich

    All of ‘em seem to be loaded for bear…or moose…or whatever.

    Or small varmints, as it were.

  25. Guppy

    "iron sharpens iron, steel sharpens steel"

    No, a goddamn rock sharpens steel. And all the GOP candidates are as dumb as one.

  26. PsycWench

    Sara doesn't know about Romney’s “associations and his pals”? Given her constant comments about Obama's "pal" Ayers, she doesn't really know what a pal is.

  27. ThundercatHo

    She needs to go back to the flag themed bikini with assault rifle accessory cuz that "cougar on the prowl" look is so not working.

  28. BaldarTFlagass

    I guess she should feel special insofar as she has her own "background shot" at Fox; seems most everyone else just has a cityscape placed behind them, but she gets the mountain/forest/lake scene. They should have some oil derricks, 4x4s with monster mudder tires and snow machines tearing up the scenery, and hunters armed with machine-guns slaughtering some wolves and mooses photoshopped in there too.

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        I almost put that, but then I remembered the Hanna-Barbera of my youth, Pixie and Dixie, and Mr. Jinks saying "I hates meeses to pieces." So, obviously, meese is the plural for mouse, not moose.

      2. Chichikovovich

        It used to be. But after Reagan's buddy Ed Meese was finished his epic stint as Attorney General (agents told to let North have enough time to shred documents before removing him from his office, chartering a laughing-stock pornography report, saying "you can't be a suspect and be not guilty. That's contradictory.",….) the moose got together and asked that their name be changed.

  29. DaRooster

    I really hope that all of these hateful, vengeful screws move out of the country when Barry wins again.

  30. SudsMcKenzie

    Doesn't Bristol live under her moms AK "studio" now? Do you think she was conscious enough to hear her mom say "We know the mistake made in our country four years ago was having a candidate that was not vetted to the degree he should have been"? possibly the most cogent yet idiotic thing SP has ever said.

  31. __kth__

    I've made a lot of mistakes, but voting to put this dingbat one missed beat of John McCain's ticker away from the nuclear launch codes was not one of them.

  32. BarackMyWorld

    We know the mistake made in our country four years ago was having a candidate that was not vetted to the degree he should have been…

    Her lack of self-awareness is fucking staggering.

  33. Redhead

    We know the mistake made in our country four years ago was having a veep candidate that was not vetted to the degree she should have been so that we know — knew what her associations and her pals represented and what went into her thinking, the shaping of who our veep could have been but thankfully today is not.

    Fixed.

  34. Tommy1733

    John McCain – why oh why did you have to unleash this ignorant harpy upon us? Will we never be rid of her?

  35. mrblifil

    'Smatter with her? All that luxurious time on her hands, she should be out there spending her time fucking young buck basketball players, end of story, full stop. By taking time out to talk to Hannity, she has jeopardized her chances of taking advantage of some really great opportunities, who are likely to go way higher in the draft than she can afford to pursue.

  36. jus_wonderin

    If, if she were politically savvy by the most modest of measures, I would think the bitch wouldn't have brought up the vetted comment. I mean, really, she just keeps getting dimmer.

  37. Tundra Grifter

    When InSannity conducts an infomercial with a fellow FOXPAC employee, would it be too much to ask the network to make that clear?

    As for Duh Gov'Nuh voting in South Carolina, Ann Falter votes anywhere she wants. Why doesn't Lou Sarah?

  38. Tundra Grifter

    Over at Media Matters, the video clip of Duh Gov'Nuh has a crawl about the Italian ship captain quitting half way through the cruise.

    Somebody at FOXPAC doesn't like Lou Sarah very much…

  39. mavenmaven

    "what his associations and his pals represented ":
    She's still doing the Bill Ayres riff after so many years? Amazing.

  40. Troglodeity

    "We know the mistake made in our country four years ago was having a candidate that was not vetted to the degree he should have been …"

    Sarah Palin is the Empress of Unintended Irony.

  41. mermera

    I know this may be inappropriate, but I like Sara Palin's ass, and her gorgeous lips and those massive just begging for squezzin breasts. Call me what you will, I have actually had original thoughts ( most in the quantum arena ), but I like her shape. She makes me feel alive. I could get over having a 45-70 on the headboard, just as long as I could bang her head on it too. I attended Baker High School in Columbus, Georgia. I am sure Newt sees the same grab points I do. Vette this Sara, I stole Mr. Strealdorfs paddle, and returned it to Oscar Boyle in his office in exchange for a reduced suspension. I do love her tits.

  42. Terry

    Please avoid upfisting when you are offline. Miss Manners and the locals cops will both tell you the same thing.

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