Crazy People Paid Mitt Romney $50K to Talk for One Hour

  gifzette daily briefing

BLACKOUTAs we all surely know by now, the internet is basically turning off today. Or parts of it at least: the #SOPAblackout protest is actually a pretty good bellwether of which sites are genuinely on board with the cause (Wikipedia), which sites are aware they could potentially cause the entire global economy to crash if they fully jumped on board with a total site shutdown (Google), and which sites are only willing to play a token part in the whole thing because they’re too busy whoring for pageviews (The Gifzette).

So the internet going away is very good news for Mitt Romney, who’s having himself a rough news cycle today—an “unforced error” as the people on our TV keep relentlessly calling it this morning. While he didn’t exactly make news yesterday after revealing that the majority of his income is derived from “carried interest” from prior investments—and thus taxed at a mere 15% rate, because one of the central tenets of Free Market Capitalism is that labor and capital are oh so very different things and can’t possibly be taxed at the same rates, something something double taxation of dividends!! —he certainly opened the door to all sorts of problems when he mentioned making “not very much” on the lecture circuit. Except: oops! Turns out he made just shy of $400K last year. From talking! To people. People who are willing to pay him more than $50,000 per hour of talking. That’s roughly $17K more than the average South Carolina voter makes in an entire year.

Huge news out of Wisconsin yesterday for all the Scott Walker haters out there (read: anyone with a pulse and/or baseline cognitive abilities), as the movement to recall the monstrous Wisconsin governor finally unveiled its long-awaited signature tally. There’s been quite an expectations game going on among those keeping a close eye on this, with pundits placing a lot of weight on the final size of the signature tally, which required 540,000 to sign in order for the recall to move forward. The recall movement has been playing its cards pretty close to its chest, expecting the tea leaf readers to pounce on it just as they do for random off-year special elections in some backwoods part of upstate New York, but yesterday they threw down: ONE MILLION SIGNATURES. As John Nichols points out at The Nation, “the movement to oust Walker will have secured the support of a higher percentage of eligible voters than has ever before sought to recall an American governor.” Which makes perfect sense! Because Scott Walker kind of sucks more than any governor ever before in American history (we say this even as former residents of the state of New Jersey).

So wait what is that stat again on childhood obesity? Google is failing us today, but it’s something truly terrifying, something along the lines of how one in three children born after the year 2000 will develop type 2 diabetes. Which is just awful! And apparently Chuck Grassley agrees, because he’s now attacking the Obamas for being, one the one hand, advocates of childhood exercise and better eating habits, but on the other hand, opposing child labor. “It’s interesting that this child labor bill goes against Michelle Obama’s anti-obesity initiative,” he said. “How can kids be active if they are limited by this law?“ Right! This is just about the nuttiest thing said about childhood obesity since West Virginia schools installed Dance Dance Revolution in their phys. ed classes. But what is with these guys? Grassley wants to send kids out into the fields, and Gingrich wants to force 13-year-olds into inner city custodial jobs? If this is what the future looks like, we don’t want to win it.

So we don’t know about you guys, but watching Sarah Palin these days makes us downright sad. It was one thing when she realized that the business of maybe-running for president turned out to be really good business—that made our blood boil—but it’s a very different thing now that she’s trying to play the same game with her not even all that important endorsement. Palin yesterday stopped short of endorsing Newt Gingrich, but said that were she a South Carolina voter she’d be voting for him. What a sad, pitiful, desperate grasp at relevance. This is either the height of cynicism or else she’s just waiting to get her next reality show optioned so she can formally announce her endorsement on the air while shooting skeet in Alaska (two very different things, clearly).

Anyway, did you read today’s Times editorial on that kind of very racist thing that happened the other night in South Carolina? No? Well read it. And then stay the hell away from today’s Wall Street Journal op-ed page (ed. note: that’s actually sound advice for pretty much every day we think).

{READ MORE AT THE GIFZETTE.]

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141 comments

  1. PuckStopsHere

    I liked what Bill Maher said about the S Carolina primary the other night. "Beating Newt Gingrich in a popularity contest is like beating Stephen Hawking on "Dancing with the Stars."

  2. OC_Surf_Serf

    Paid Mitt Romney $50K to Talk for One Hour

    At that rate one would expect at least a reach-around and possibly a cuddle.

    1. Negropolis

      The only reach-around Mitt does is to choke his disobedient servants, and the only cuddling he does is with his cartoonishly large piles of money.

  3. Negropolis

    Grassley wants to send kids out into the fields…

    You know who else wanted to send city kids out into the fields as part of a social and economic experiment?

    BTW, I love how Sarah totally just shits on Todd's endorsement, and I love that either of them think they matter.

  4. Terry

    " The recall movement has been playing its cards pretty close to its chest, expecting the tea leaf readers to pounce on it just as they do for random off-year special elections in some backwoods part of upstate New York, but yesterday they threw down: ONE MILLION SIGNATURES. "

    Good. That means that Walker's pals will have to work their arses off if they want to try to throw enough signatures out to block the recall.

    1. Negropolis

      Correction: Walker & Co. are going to have to do a helluva lot of ballot stuffing and voter fraud to keep his ass in office, because it is simply an impossibility to disqualify nearly 500,000 signatures. He's truly as good as gone. The signature part of this is so over so many times over it's not even funny. They essentially already had the election, yesterday, as far as I'm concerned. You don't hand in a million signatures and this not be over barring some hideous, ungodly, and monsterous push by Big Money on the other side.

      Usually, you get about 100,000 extra signatures for a recall of this size. They nearly doubled what they need.

      1. Geminisunmars

        I hope you are right, N, but I'd be vigilantly looking out for "some hideous, ungodly, and monsterous push by Big Money on the other side".

      2. Terry

        You have to wonder how Walker is explaining this to himself in his head. One million is certainly more than the number of teachers and State employees in Wisconsin.

  5. Tundra Grifter

    The people working to recall Scott Walker collect 1,000,000 signatures. Meanwhile, Ole Newt and Ricky Perry can't collect enough signatures to get on the GNoPee primary ballot in Virginia.

    Is this a great country or what?

    1. ph7

      I'm relying on Newton's Third Law: For every action (turning off!) there is an equal and opposite reaction (turning on!)

      1. Barb

        Ph7, do they still make paper versions of porn? I'm not familiar with the dark whorey underworld of erotica.

    2. MildMidwesterner

      The old fashioned way… When your dad's not looking, go out into the garage and quietly open that drawer in the tool chest that he told you never to open.

      1. Barb

        Thanks Prommie, my friend! I forgot that I have a jacuzzi in my bathroom. There is a fireplace at the foot of it and I know someone who is gonna get them some smut and s'mores today.

        1. prommie

          I must be getting too old, I can't even seem to care about sex anymore. Orgasms, meh. I can hardly be bothered to reach down there. And sex with other people, don't get me started. It takes soooo much effort, you actually have to talk to them and everything.

          1. Biff

            I live in an enlightened county in dirty, sexy, rural Nevada that allows houses of prostitution to flourish, but still frowns on the free-range variety. Apparently one of the houses contracts with my gym and offers the ladies a gym membership as a perk. Makes my workouts more enjoyable, and I guess what I'm trying to say is with enough money, no, you don't have to talk to them and everything.

    3. Chichikovovich

      I expect everyone here has prepared for an emergency like this by setting aside several hard drives worth

  6. Tundra Grifter

    If we needed any more evidence that Mittens is rather out of touch with most of America, he collects a speaking fee of $50,000. HALF the people filing Federal income tax returns have an annual AGI of less than $35,000.

    $400,000 a year from speaking pushes him 'way up there into the 1%. Probably not when a candidate wants to be positioned in November 2012.

  7. Goonemeritus

    “People who are willing to pay him more than $50,000 per hour of talking. That’s roughly $17K more than the average South Carolina voter makes in an entire year.”

    And Romney doesn’t even shoulder the burden caused by tax increases on chewing tobacco like most men women and children do in South Carolina.

  8. Texan_Bulldog

    Snowbilly's next gig: hawking photos of herself wrapped in the flag at a NASCAR racing event. For the low price of $49.99, Joe Bob can have his very own 3×5 pic of the Queen of Ammrica.

    1. DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

      Me too:

      Hey! All my comments have 0 p points within minutes of being posted! I suspect the Breitbart trolls have been visiting again.

  9. freakishlywrong

    Who the fuck cares what Sarah has to say? Lame-ass media, I'm only saying this one more time; if these asshole wingnuts will not come on your station and be interviewed, quit showing the bullshit non-interviews from PRAVDA. This is not "reporting", nor is it journalism. Get them to talk to you, or don't give them any air.

  10. actor212

    That "not very much" would buy a stuggling family a really nice house in the suburbs, Mitt.

    Or would fur-line the gold sink on your yacht. Your call.

  11. DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    Dear Mr. Romney: I hope you realize that a significant number of families have annual incomes that are less than your average rounding errors.

    Oh, right, I know, they don't matter. Got it.

  12. MildMidwesterner

    "The internet going away is very good news for Mitt Romney."

    It's better news for Santorum…

    1. Mumbletypeg

      Imagine the results. Schoolchildren walking over and lifting, paging through and mentally interacting with an actual dictionary. Hoofing it over to the library to pull out a volume from some series called an encyclopedia set and making notes. Asking mom or dad or grandparent "What does ___ mean?" Bah — that's so last-century isn't it? (Still I hope against hope that somewhere, some child in the process of looking up one word, notices other words on the same page and starts a rabbit-trail of browsing their way into a developing vocabulary, not unlike how Mumbletygeek distracted her way from many an assignment..)

      1. tessiee

        "in the process of looking up one word, notices other words on the same page and starts a rabbit-trail of browsing their way into a developing vocabulary"

        You did that, too?
        *kisses on both cheeks*
        Mwah! mwah!
        *secret Word Geek handshake*

    2. prommie

      Imagine the position I am in; as a highly-paid attorney and compliance consultant, how the hell am I going to do my job?

  13. Negropolis

    I went to read the Times editorial on the issue of the debate. Sigh. So very tepid; so very safe. It seemed less than a full-throated rebuke as it seemed a simple observation and recounting of what went down at that debate. I was hoping for stronger adjectives to be used, but being the Times, I knew I was hoping againt hope.

    EDIT: And why, oh why, is Tony Perkins still alive, let alone being interviewed on cable news outside of Fox?

    1. not that Dewey

      It may be simple and obvious to us, but the editor clearly struck a chord among the racists. Rich from NC writes:

      It's the Times writer's own racism that causes him to think that Newt MUST be talking about blacks. The writer makes himself look foolish by reminding us of how many more non-blacks there are on food stamps . . . and then immediately returns to the idea that Newt was singling out blacks.

      This guy not only misses the entire point of the article (that Newt's implicit message of racial resentment riles the voters, perhaps subconsciously, by playing on unspoken stereotypes), but then demonstrates that he is exactly the kind of voter that Newt was shooting for.

  14. ifthethunderdontgetya

    Except: oops! Turns out he made just shy of $400K last year. From talking! To people.

    To be fair, it isn't easy for Reptiloids to maintain their human cover while communicating in person with actual humans.

    Lizard people are people, my fiends!
    ~

      1. Mumbletypeg

        Parseltongue

        I have no idea what that is but it made me laugh.

        And: this, my first of what shall be many outbursts of barely suppressed cussing in that I cannot "wiki-research" this word or that expression to familiarize myself…

        1. Chichikovovich

          It's the language of snakes, from the "Hermione Granger and her Two Bungling Friends" witchcraft/fantasy novels.

    1. Negropolis

      I hear that the tucking in of the tail and resisting the urge to catch flies in mid flight are particularly difficult.

  15. BaldarTFlagass

    In support of the SOPA blackout, and to show how important an uncensored world wide web is, I hereby pledge to spend my entire workday surfing the internet.

    1. tessiee

      God bless..
      *wipes away a tear*
      That's beautiful, man, just beautiful.
      You're an inspiration to all of us.

    1. tessiee

      "I'd pay to see a reality show in which multiple men shoot Sarah Palin."

      ftfy

      If it were a good reality show (if there even is such a thing), they would then smirk and say, "Did I do that? Oopsie.", and pretend they thought they were surveying.

  16. Mort_Sinclair

    Personally, I'd love to see Google pull the plug for 24 hours just to show the world who's boss. That'd be an interesting spectacle, to be sure.

  17. MrFizzy

    It would be worth a lot more for him to shut up for an hour, or at least stop lurching around like he has a golden corncob up his white ass.

  18. Baconzgood

    "How can kids be active if they are limited by this law?"

    I ran this through Google translate (english to GOPspeak) and it means.

    "How can my corporate overlords in the agro industry rape little children for less then minimum wage?"

  19. Negropolis

    At midnight, I felt a great disturbance in the Internetz, as if millions of perverted, male voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. Also, Paultards. Too.

  20. fartknocker

    No snark, just disgust. Palin, Gingrich, Santorum, Romney, Perry, Paul – I couldn't give a rat's ass. These folks incited audiences to boo a homosexual soldier when they brought up DADT and applauded the possible death of a person with a serious illness who couldn't afford healthcare. This whole slate of candidates have no solutions – it's all about them invoking their morality on we the people while being guaranteed a full pension and free, life-long health care.

    I see the reference daily on this website about the GOP and circular firing squads. I for one am willing to donate working ammunition instead of the blanks they are shooting at each other.

    Kudos to Wikipedia for sending a clear message about SOPA and the people of WI for your recall efforts.

  21. chicken_thief

    "…fully jumped on board with a total site shutdown (Google)…"

    THIS IS GOOD NEWS FOR BING!!!!

  22. DaSandman

    I look forward to Mittens shedding his skin at a debate and revealing his true Alien Overlord self. But keeping those weird Mormon PJ's on of course

  23. JustPixelz

    "Palin yesterday stopped short of endorsing Newt Gingrich, but said that were she a South Carolina voter she’d be voting for him. "

    I urge Sarah Palin to go to South Carolina and do a James O'Qweef: Lie about who you are and vote for your boyfriend. Don't worry SP: IOKIYAR.

  24. BZ1

    Ms Sarah do declare, "I'm concerned that in 2008, a candidate was not properly vetted." (She was referring to Obama), with the irony meter shut off, presumably …

    1. tessiee

      "Ms Sarah do declare, "I'm concerned that in 2008, a candidate was not properly vetted." (She was referring to Obama"

      O rly? And what were *her* hot shit qualifications, pray tell? A full uterus and an empty bank account?

  25. SorosBot

    So the GOP is actually doubling down on their support of child labor. Good; let them show how disgusting they really are, and that they really do want to roll back this country to the fucking 1920s, if not earlier.

  26. chicken_thief

    "Palin yesterday stopped short of endorsing Newt Gingrich, but said that were she a South Carolina voter she’d be voting for him."

    Fuck, that's an e-z game to play:

    If I was Lou Sarah I'd stay home and work on being a better mother.
    If I was Mitt Romney I'd give a shit load of money to the poorz. Maybe even sell a house to do so.
    If I was Rick Santorum I'd change my name. 'Cause you know, "Richard" is a sucky name – people are always calling you "Dick" just to be dicks.

    See how e-z it is?!

    1. prommie

      And she pointedly stopped short of saying she wanted Newt to win the nomination, she just said that having him in the race longer would be good for the eventual candidate because the continuing debate "sharpens" them.

  27. not that Dewey

    Every time I press one of these black controls, labelled in black on a black background, a little black light lights up black to let me know I've done it.

  28. elviouslyqueer

    Anyway, did you read today’s Times editorial on that kind of very racist thing that happened the other night in South Carolina? No? Well read it.

    Done and done. Also, PROTIP to NYT commenters: when you start out your comment with "I'm not a racist, but…" guess what? YOU'RE A RACIST.

  29. chascates

    George W. Bush gets between $100,000-$150,000 per speech. In his case it's payment for services rendered. In Mitt's case it's payment in advance.

    IWatch News reports that after declining to visit Ground Zero May 5 with Barack Obama following the death of Osama bin Laden, Bush gave three paid speeches that week–one to "hedge fund executives, a Swiss bank sanctioned for keeping secret bank accounts, and a pro golf event underwritten by the accounting firm involved in the Tyco International financial scandal."

    1. tessiee

      Makes perfect sense to me.

      There's no reason why Little Georgie Bushie would show up in public with the guy who succeeded in doing something he'd tried to do for years, and failed — at the very site of his most obvious failure, no less. Sucking up to his ultra-rich criminal corporate masters, on the other hand, is right up his platinum-plated Waylon Smithers alley.

    2. Nostrildamus

      The only solace we can take is the fuckers then have to listen to the half-wit babble on for a seeming eternity (probably about 10 minutes, tops).

  30. hagajim

    Three things I took from this:
    1. Mitt is as tone deaf as my wife,
    2. "Scott Walker kind of sucks more than any governor" – and it's Koch he sucks
    3. I actually worked in the field growing up (moving pipe) – and I can tell you that if I had to do it all over again – I wouldn't. Putting kids to work in the fields – fucking moron; and
    4. Sarah who?

  31. freakishlywrong

    Couldn't make it beyond "falsehoods" on NYT article. Really, is that difficult to say these assholes are lying, racist fucks? See? I just did, (for now).

  32. DahBoner

    I doubt you could even get that famous mass murderer George W. Bush to just sneer at you for only $50K…

  33. fuflans

    “the movement to oust Walker will have secured the support of a higher percentage of eligible voters than has ever before sought to recall an American governor.” Which makes perfect sense! Because Scott Walker kind of sucks more than any governor ever before in American history

    USA!!! USA!! USA!!!!!

    seriously WI recall: you shame us all into action.

  34. thefrontpage

    For anyone attending the CPAC Horrorfest at the Marriott Wardman Park Hotel in D.C. in February, this is what's listed for Palin's talk:

    Friday, 2 p.m.: Seminar, hosted by Sarah Palin. Subject: "The Benefits and Positive Cultural Aspects of Pornography, Adult Entertainment, Strip Clubs and Sex Clubs." Join Ms. Palin as she talks about the many positive, upbeat, helpful, encouraging and beneficial aspects of ponorography, adult entertainment in general, strip clubs and sex clubs. Two hours. Don't forget to attend Ms. Palin's Naked Party Saturday night at 11:50 p.m. There is no fee for the porn talk, and there is no fee for the Naked Party. The first 200 attendees at the seminar and at the Naked Party get free condoms, courtesy of Trojan, one of the official sponsors of CPAC.

    1. tessiee

      This is obviously a totally made-up and false event.
      I mean, really, $arah associated with *anything* that doesn't charge a fee?

  35. ttommyunger

    Sadly, Mittens rarely gets to enjoy any of his income from speaking engagements since he invariably loses it in one of his sofas.

  36. tessiee

    “People who are willing to pay him more than $50,000 per hour of talking. That’s roughly $17K more than the average South Carolina voter makes in an entire year.”

    And at least $25K more than the ones who *don't* have meth labs.

  37. tessiee

    “the movement to oust Walker will have secured the support of a higher percentage of eligible voters than has ever before sought to recall an American governor.”

    Chris Dodd squealing about how this is an "irresponsible response" and the folks who signed the petition, all one million of them, are "furthering their corporate agenda" in 3…
    2…

  38. ph7

    My dad had a nice stash of 8mm 70's stag films above the ceiling tiles. Ever watch porm on a Bell & Howell projector? The click-click-click adds a nice rhythm.

  39. ChiRon8

    Scott Walker kind of sucks more than any governor ever before in American history.

    As a life-long Illinois resident, I must protest. Our governors suck the most!!

  40. malthust

    Shhh..just back up quietly and let him have the nomination. Have been salivating for weeks at the promise of a six month national financial industry mob interrogation block party with Mittens as the pinata.

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