LIGHT READING  11:34 pm January 17, 2012

Enjoy John McCain’s 2008 Treasury of Romney Opposition Research, Today!

by Wonkette Jr.

Oh look what Buzzfeed found, ha ha ha ha ha:

McCain 2008 Oppo File

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 68 comments }

neiltheblaze January 17, 2012 at 11:39 pm

Seems a lot more thorough than his dossier on the Tundra Twit.

MittBorg January 17, 2012 at 11:42 pm

Well, in his defence, Mitt's ass is way wrinklier, saggier, and pastier. I think.

neiltheblaze January 17, 2012 at 11:46 pm

You don't speak French do you.

MittBorg January 18, 2012 at 12:00 am

No longer fluently, no.

ETA: If you're trying to ask whether I know the difference between derriere and dossier, yes, I do.

neiltheblaze January 18, 2012 at 12:07 am

No, no – I understood that.

HistoriCat January 18, 2012 at 12:34 am

whether I know the difference between derriere and dossier, yes, I do

I'll bet you do!

littlebigdaddy January 18, 2012 at 12:13 am

You misspelled twat.

neiltheblaze January 18, 2012 at 12:13 am

DAMN! Got me.

Dr_Zoidberg January 18, 2012 at 11:02 am

What, that stained napkin with crayon scribbles?

iburl January 18, 2012 at 11:06 am

I think the two words he scrawled on it were "Mavricky" and "Doable?"

jus_wonderin January 18, 2012 at 11:09 am

The flipside said "Damn, what a time to have an old, shrivelled up dick!!!!1!!

MittBorg January 17, 2012 at 11:41 pm

ZOMG Wonketz you are teh crewel!

nounverb911 January 17, 2012 at 11:44 pm

Looks like I have something to read tomorrow while Seattle gets blizzarded over.

flamingpdog January 17, 2012 at 11:52 pm

Will that be one inch or two inches of snow?

nounverb911 January 17, 2012 at 11:54 pm

One inch will shut the place down real good. Just type "Queen Anne Hill" into the youtube machine to see the demolition derby of stupidity.

flamingpdog January 18, 2012 at 12:19 am

The youngest pdog works and lives in Redmond. I know the routine.

MittBorg January 18, 2012 at 1:42 am

ZOMG, you have a whole TRIBE of pdogs!

Lionel[redacted]Esq January 18, 2012 at 12:20 am

I'm hoping for two inches, which should shut down the entire Puget Sound region until March.

ShaveTheWhales January 18, 2012 at 1:54 am

You're actually getting water? I'm in the mid-Cali foothills and we're dying.

flamingpdog January 17, 2012 at 11:47 pm

Until someone tells me there is some good pron in there, I'm not getting near that document.

Chichikovovich January 18, 2012 at 9:10 am

Isn't schadenfreude the only thing that's as good as pørn besides pørn?

BZ1 January 18, 2012 at 11:22 am

I think he meant prawn?

nounverb911 January 17, 2012 at 11:47 pm

Did Walnuts count all the flip-flops? Is the total more or less than Mitt's net worth?
Edit: (Millions and millions of them, they start on page 168).

ShaveTheWhales January 18, 2012 at 1:56 am

This is relevant to nothing, but I must mention that, "back in the day", there was a real thing called a J-K flipflop. Which is what I think many of Mittsie's are.

SexySmurf January 17, 2012 at 11:49 pm

This is bad news for Mitt Romney.

PocketsTheClown January 18, 2012 at 12:06 am

Ugh, who got stuck with that research job. Butter curls are more interesting.

Dr_Zoidberg January 18, 2012 at 11:12 am

Paula Deen?!!

Data Exactly January 18, 2012 at 12:10 am

It's like Mitt Romney himself, only in text form.

flamingpdog January 18, 2012 at 12:22 am

So, somebody hacked into Mitt's hard drive?

smokefillednewyear January 18, 2012 at 2:00 am

You don't want to see Mitt's '110100000' face.

MittBorg January 18, 2012 at 2:45 am

Kong Hee Fatt Choy!

ETA: Your av disappeared, so I assumed you got your ang pao, lor.

smokefillednewyear January 18, 2012 at 2:51 am

Nah, it'll probably be another week and a half before I get my "red envelope".

ShaveTheWhales January 18, 2012 at 1:57 am

Wait, is there a Mitt Rmoney that's NOT in text form?

Dr_Zoidberg January 18, 2012 at 11:12 am

Oh, I beg to differ. This text is at least interesting. I mean, you can print it off and make paper airplanes.

BarackMyWorld January 18, 2012 at 12:12 am
flamingpdog January 18, 2012 at 1:14 am

This should make your task of writing the conservative crazy sayings book a little easier. Just don't forget the foot(in-mouth)notes.

littlebigdaddy January 18, 2012 at 12:15 am

I mean what is the point? The guy himself is a walking advertisement for why no one would ever want Mittens in a position of power. Unless you have a thing for archaic social structures, like 1950s era fraternities.

HistoriCat January 18, 2012 at 12:36 am

Archaic social structures? Most Republican voters act like they want to install a king in this country.

MissTaken January 18, 2012 at 12:19 am

Questionable Republican Credentials for $1000, Alex

Lionel[redacted]Esq January 18, 2012 at 12:21 am

Clearly this is fake. If it were true opposition research on a Republican, there would be at least one section dedicated to homosexual affairs.

littlebigdaddy January 18, 2012 at 12:22 am

It's there, but you have to pay extra.

Guppy January 18, 2012 at 12:54 am

A 200 page tome on Mitt Romney sounds somehow Lovecraftian.

Frisbeedawg January 18, 2012 at 1:13 am

"The Shadow Over Mittsmouth"

ShaveTheWhales January 18, 2012 at 1:58 am

The Mundane of Madness.

slowhansolo January 18, 2012 at 11:49 am

"The Dream Quest of the Unknown Financial Disclosure"

flamingpdog January 18, 2012 at 1:15 am

Or Sleepinducian.

Callyson January 18, 2012 at 1:33 am

Opposition researcher to Walnuts: "Here you go, sir."
Walnuts: "tl; dr"

ShaveTheWhales January 18, 2012 at 1:59 am

Walnuts: "tl; dr. Give me the one with the tits".

flamingpdog January 18, 2012 at 1:45 am

Romney: “you don’t get a lot of honesty from politicians.” (Tape 75)

- page 199 of the opposition reseach.

paris biltong January 18, 2012 at 5:15 am

Page 199 (I skipped): "Romney says the Harlem Globetrotters have trouble making touchdowns." Good to know the candidates are being thoroughly vetted. His position on this issue obviously disqualifies him from elected office beyond dog catcher.

chicken_thief January 18, 2012 at 10:31 am

I can just see Mittens, with his COPD herky-jerky talking style, defending that statement as "accurate" because, of course, since they don't play football *heh, heh* they *heh, heh* have trouble *heh, heh* scoring touchdowns *heh, heh, heh*. ///proudly smiles in admiration of his ability to get the whole paragraph out without fainting///

SudsMcKenzie January 18, 2012 at 5:20 am

OK, thats it, Shut IT Down!12

ttommyunger January 18, 2012 at 7:42 am

I already think Mitt is a dick, do I have to read this? Walnuts, too.

CapeClod January 18, 2012 at 8:43 am

Short version: Romney panders to whoever he's talking to. Not exactly breaking news.

Chichikovovich January 18, 2012 at 9:17 am

Sure. It was "found online". Just happened on it on after doing a Google search on "Romney sucks moose dick". You know how wacky that internet can be….

Methinks somebody, or bodies in the McCain campaign still hold a raging hate for Willard le Dauphin. Perhaps when McCain endorsed Obama it really wasn't a slip of the tongue.

chicken_thief January 18, 2012 at 11:03 am

Wait. Didn't Walnuts recently endorse Willard? So who is this revelation supposed to embarrass – the Geezer or the Pauper?!

BZ1 January 18, 2012 at 11:30 am

Isn't it rich?
Are we a pair?
Me here at last on the ground,
You in mid-air..
Where are the clowns? (with reservations on chewing up a Judy Collins song)

Limeylizzie January 18, 2012 at 11:44 am

Best version ever of that song from A Little Night Music.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04E8Y8nDfRQ

MinAgain January 18, 2012 at 11:42 am

Well, isn't that ZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

fuflans January 18, 2012 at 12:14 pm

while it's true i miss wikipedia, i'm not sure this will suffice.

Redhead January 18, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Where's McCain's file on what McCain said yesterday so he can remember it today? (Obviously missing, as evidenced by his endorsement of Obama the other day…)

DahBoner January 18, 2012 at 12:47 pm

He SAID Give me the Grand Slam WITH a side stack…

DahBoner January 18, 2012 at 12:45 pm

On what page does it talk about Romney ironing his jeans???

Troglodeity January 18, 2012 at 1:55 pm

I searched the document and it doesn't even mention Seamus the Tortured Dog.

You'd think John McCain would have been especially sensitive to helpless creatures locked up in cages and mistreated. Major Fail.

Tundra Grifter January 18, 2012 at 8:37 pm

Somebody on the GNoPee side doesn't like Mittens very much. Too bad they didn't save this until after the nomination.

Gov. Perry will ask for the question to be repeated before he blames the wrong people for releasing it. Duh Gov'Nuh will blame it on the Lamestream Media. Ole Newt will blame it on poor people who collect food stamps forced on them by Mr. Obama. If people just learned to get a job they wouldn't need to read this crap.

Ricky Santorum will blame Dan Savage.

Ron Paul will say the Federal government had no business inventing the Internets, so we shouldn't be reading it.

And poor Mittens won't have a comment until he's had time to read it and remember all the stuff he used to believe in before he believed in something else. Unless enough people want him to believe what he used to believe, of course, in which case he'll happily go back to believing it.

MittBorg January 18, 2012 at 1:41 am

Who wants their furry belly rubbed? WHO?

flamingpdog January 18, 2012 at 1:47 am

I wanted to have two pups and my ex wanted to have three pups, so we compromised and had three pups.

MittBorg January 18, 2012 at 2:43 am

Ah, yeah, the one with the ladyparts usually wins these arguments, I'm afraid. Sounds like a cute tribe. And you even managed to get a member of MY tribe in there, yay.

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