Oh look what Buzzfeed found, ha ha ha ha ha:

McCain 2008 Oppo File

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  • neiltheblaze

    Seems a lot more thorough than his dossier on the Tundra Twit.

    • Well, in his defence, Mitt's ass is way wrinklier, saggier, and pastier. I think.

      • neiltheblaze

        You don't speak French do you.

        • No longer fluently, no.

          ETA: If you're trying to ask whether I know the difference between derriere and dossier, yes, I do.

          • neiltheblaze

            No, no – I understood that.

          • HistoriCat

            whether I know the difference between derriere and dossier, yes, I do

            I'll bet you do!

          • Who wants their furry belly rubbed? WHO?

    • littlebigdaddy

      You misspelled twat.

      • neiltheblaze

        DAMN! Got me.

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      What, that stained napkin with crayon scribbles?

      • iburl

        I think the two words he scrawled on it were "Mavricky" and "Doable?"

        • jus_wonderin

          The flipside said "Damn, what a time to have an old, shrivelled up dick!!!!1!!

  • ZOMG Wonketz you are teh crewel!

  • nounverb911

    Looks like I have something to read tomorrow while Seattle gets blizzarded over.

    • flamingpdog

      Will that be one inch or two inches of snow?

      • nounverb911

        One inch will shut the place down real good. Just type "Queen Anne Hill" into the youtube machine to see the demolition derby of stupidity.

        • flamingpdog

          The youngest pdog works and lives in Redmond. I know the routine.

          • ZOMG, you have a whole TRIBE of pdogs!

          • flamingpdog

            I wanted to have two pups and my ex wanted to have three pups, so we compromised and had three pups.

          • Ah, yeah, the one with the ladyparts usually wins these arguments, I'm afraid. Sounds like a cute tribe. And you even managed to get a member of MY tribe in there, yay.

        • Lionel[redacted]Esq

          I'm hoping for two inches, which should shut down the entire Puget Sound region until March.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      You're actually getting water? I'm in the mid-Cali foothills and we're dying.

  • flamingpdog

    Until someone tells me there is some good pron in there, I'm not getting near that document.

    • Chichikovovich

      Isn't schadenfreude the only thing that's as good as pørn besides pørn?

      • BZ1

        I think he meant prawn?

  • nounverb911

    Did Walnuts count all the flip-flops? Is the total more or less than Mitt's net worth?
    Edit: (Millions and millions of them, they start on page 168).

    • ShaveTheWhales

      This is relevant to nothing, but I must mention that, "back in the day", there was a real thing called a J-K flipflop. Which is what I think many of Mittsie's are.

  • SexySmurf

    This is bad news for Mitt Romney.

  • PocketsTheClown

    Ugh, who got stuck with that research job. Butter curls are more interesting.

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      Paula Deen?!!

  • Data Exactly

    It's like Mitt Romney himself, only in text form.

    • flamingpdog

      So, somebody hacked into Mitt's hard drive?

      • You don't want to see Mitt's '110100000' face.

        • Kong Hee Fatt Choy!

          ETA: Your av disappeared, so I assumed you got your ang pao, lor.

          • Nah, it'll probably be another week and a half before I get my "red envelope".

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Wait, is there a Mitt Rmoney that's NOT in text form?

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      Oh, I beg to differ. This text is at least interesting. I mean, you can print it off and make paper airplanes.

  • BarackMyWorld
    • flamingpdog

      This should make your task of writing the conservative crazy sayings book a little easier. Just don't forget the foot(in-mouth)notes.

  • littlebigdaddy

    I mean what is the point? The guy himself is a walking advertisement for why no one would ever want Mittens in a position of power. Unless you have a thing for archaic social structures, like 1950s era fraternities.

    • HistoriCat

      Archaic social structures? Most Republican voters act like they want to install a king in this country.

  • MissTaken

    Questionable Republican Credentials for $1000, Alex

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Clearly this is fake. If it were true opposition research on a Republican, there would be at least one section dedicated to homosexual affairs.

    • littlebigdaddy

      It's there, but you have to pay extra.

  • Guppy

    A 200 page tome on Mitt Romney sounds somehow Lovecraftian.

    • Frisbeedawg

      "The Shadow Over Mittsmouth"

      • ShaveTheWhales

        The Mundane of Madness.

        • "The Dream Quest of the Unknown Financial Disclosure"

    • flamingpdog

      Or Sleepinducian.

  • Callyson

    Opposition researcher to Walnuts: "Here you go, sir."
    Walnuts: "tl; dr"

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Walnuts: "tl; dr. Give me the one with the tits".

  • flamingpdog

    Romney: “you don’t get a lot of honesty from politicians.” (Tape 75)

    – page 199 of the opposition reseach.

  • paris biltong

    Page 199 (I skipped): "Romney says the Harlem Globetrotters have trouble making touchdowns." Good to know the candidates are being thoroughly vetted. His position on this issue obviously disqualifies him from elected office beyond dog catcher.

    • chicken_thief

      I can just see Mittens, with his COPD herky-jerky talking style, defending that statement as "accurate" because, of course, since they don't play football *heh, heh* they *heh, heh* have trouble *heh, heh* scoring touchdowns *heh, heh, heh*. ///proudly smiles in admiration of his ability to get the whole paragraph out without fainting///

  • SudsMcKenzie

    OK, thats it, Shut IT Down!12

  • ttommyunger

    I already think Mitt is a dick, do I have to read this? Walnuts, too.

  • CapeClod

    Short version: Romney panders to whoever he's talking to. Not exactly breaking news.

  • Chichikovovich

    Sure. It was "found online". Just happened on it on after doing a Google search on "Romney sucks moose dick". You know how wacky that internet can be….

    Methinks somebody, or bodies in the McCain campaign still hold a raging hate for Willard le Dauphin. Perhaps when McCain endorsed Obama it really wasn't a slip of the tongue.

  • chicken_thief

    Wait. Didn't Walnuts recently endorse Willard? So who is this revelation supposed to embarrass – the Geezer or the Pauper?!

  • BZ1

    Isn't it rich?
    Are we a pair?
    Me here at last on the ground,
    You in mid-air..
    Where are the clowns? (with reservations on chewing up a Judy Collins song)

  • MinAgain

    Well, isn't that ZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

  • fuflans

    while it's true i miss wikipedia, i'm not sure this will suffice.

  • Redhead

    Where's McCain's file on what McCain said yesterday so he can remember it today? (Obviously missing, as evidenced by his endorsement of Obama the other day…)

    • DahBoner

      He SAID Give me the Grand Slam WITH a side stack…

  • DahBoner

    On what page does it talk about Romney ironing his jeans???

  • Troglodeity

    I searched the document and it doesn't even mention Seamus the Tortured Dog.

    You'd think John McCain would have been especially sensitive to helpless creatures locked up in cages and mistreated. Major Fail.

  • Tundra Grifter

    Somebody on the GNoPee side doesn't like Mittens very much. Too bad they didn't save this until after the nomination.

    Gov. Perry will ask for the question to be repeated before he blames the wrong people for releasing it. Duh Gov'Nuh will blame it on the Lamestream Media. Ole Newt will blame it on poor people who collect food stamps forced on them by Mr. Obama. If people just learned to get a job they wouldn't need to read this crap.

    Ricky Santorum will blame Dan Savage.

    Ron Paul will say the Federal government had no business inventing the Internets, so we shouldn't be reading it.

    And poor Mittens won't have a comment until he's had time to read it and remember all the stuff he used to believe in before he believed in something else. Unless enough people want him to believe what he used to believe, of course, in which case he'll happily go back to believing it.

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