Several Hundred Thousand Dollars ‘Not Very Much’ If You Ask Mitt Romney

  theory of relativity

To most Americans, the phrase “not very much” when conceived in terms of money would signify, “the coins under the couch cushions or 36 cents, whichever is greater.” To Mitt Romney, you need to start talking at least six figures before he’ll even muster the words “not very much.” Anything less than a quarter-million rounds down to zero, basically.

Mr. Romney added: “And then I get speaker’s fees from time to time, but not very much.”

In fact, in the most recent year, Mr. Romney made $374,327.62 in speaker’s fees, at an average of $41,592 per speech, according to his public financial disclosure reports.

[NYTimes]

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100 comments

    1. mayor_quimby

      I need his stylist to come forward and spill the dirt on his hair status. Surely the Colbert Super PAC can beat whatever Mittens is offering for non-disclosure.

      1. MittBorg

        Hon, his stylist already dished the dirt — there wasn't any. Bishop Willard "Mittens" Romneycare uses NO "product" whatsoever. (I don't believe a word of that shit. That hair has GOT to be superglued into place.)

    1. MittBorg

      Who was it who said "The very rich are different than you and me." Was that F. Scott Fitzgerald? Because it would appear that he knew whereof he spake. Jesus fucking J.H. Christ on a pogo stick, Mittens. Just get the fuck off the stage before the hoi polloi filnally lose it and tear you to pieces, you evil, ugly little man.

  1. veritass

    To be fair, when you consider the job it's really not that much money. I sure as hell wouldn't spend my year in the middle of the country talking to republican voters for only $374,327.62. Fuck that.

      1. littlebigdaddy

        I'd do a lot more than speak to them for that kind of cash, if you know what I mean. I am talking dressing up as a schoolgirl/boy/whatev.

        1. MittBorg

          Um … is this, like, a regular, you know, hobby, or anything? Because, you know, some of us might, um, be into, you know, photography and stuff.

  2. MissTaken

    It's certainly chump-change if you ask me. Now if he earned $374,327.63 then we'd be talking about some real cheddar.

  3. hollywooddood

    I don't really give a shit how much money Willard has. What I do give a rip about is that I, with my mortgage, car payment, kid's college tuition, etc. pay 30% income tax so he can pay 15%.

    1. rambone

      Collidge tuisheen? WTF is that? Sounds soshilist if you ask me.

      All one needs to know one can git from lookin' at the pitchurs in the TV Guide whilst being taken doggy-style in the "livingroom" of one's parent's mobile home.

      [This public service announcement brought to you by the letters K, Y and Sarah Palin.]

  4. Blueb4sunrise

    Where's la Volpe, I'm ready now………….!!!!!!!!!!

    Arrrggggghhhhhhhh, DAMN CRAMP CRAMP CRAMP !!!!!!!!
    OWWWWWWWWW.

  5. Chichikovovich

    We sometimes imagine ways of life that are fascinating but palpably distant: What would it have been like to be a serf under Ivan Grozny and Boris Gudonov? What would it have been like to be the Iroquois witnessing the arrival of the first whites from France? And what of the French traders, coureurs de bois like Étienne Brûlé, leaving everything they knew to trade and assimilate into Native American life? What did the real life of the Medieval Samurai warriors – rather than the idealized picture – really involve? Such questions fascinate us, and we can inform ourselves as best we can, but we know that whatever incremental approaches to understanding we may achieve, we'll never pass beyond a firm boundary of incomprehension.

    For Romney, cocooned his entire life in oligarchical wealth, the life of the ordinary working American is like that. Except that he seems to regard learning more about that life to be painfully dull rather than fascinating.

  6. rambone

    Just false modesty. You know, like when Santorum speaks about his half-inch cock or Perry about his 8-inch anal sphincter.

  7. SexySmurf

    $41,592 per speech!? Imagine how much he could make if he actually had something interesting to say.

    1. Chichikovovich

      If he had something interesting to say, he'd get $150 per speech, and he might get taken to dinner at a medium-fancy restaurant.

  8. ttommyunger

    This assclown is more out of touch than the Bush Klan, if that's possible. I swear to God the DNC has his tongue insured for a Gazillion Dollars. The more he talks, the more he makes Barry look good by comparison.

    1. Chichikovovich

      This assclown is more out of touch than the Bush Klan, if that's possible

      You've got a point there. Setting aside Pappy and Barb ("working out well for them") and just focusing on W, he knew little about ordinary working lives and couldn't be troubled to learn anything about them. But boy, did he have that "one of the boys" shtick down to an art. It was like watching P.T. Barnum separate a sucker from his just-cashed paycheck to see W faking concern for, interest in, and affinity with the Joe the Plumber types of the nation.

      When Romney tries to fake it, we get stuff like "varmints, if you will."

      1. ttommyunger

        Dubya was better at the “shuck and jive”. Romney is the worst. Bubba the best so far in my book.

    2. MittBorg

      No shit. He can't open his mouth without sticking both his feet in sideways. If he wins the nom and Obama crushes him like the deserving little bug that he is, Obama will go down in history as The Great Campaigner, but for all the wrong reasons. This guy's like a LooneyToonz cartoon chicken that roasts itself and rushes up to the dining table with a carving knife and fork in each forelimb.

      1. Isyaignert

        What an image! Reminds me of a Seinfeld episode where Kramer decides that butter is the best suntan lotion. After baking in the sun all day, he goes to Jerry's apartment; George walks in and says, "I smell turkey."

        It's gonna be a great ride to November – these guys are such bufoons and fukwits. We have just gotta keep them from stealing the election, as they are wont to do.

        1. MittBorg

          True enough. I've told everyone I know to take cellphones and cameras to the polls so they can videotape anything suspicious. They're doing their best to suppress voter turnout.

        1. Isyaignert

          LOL – When I get my teeth cleaned and the hygenist flosses them at the very end, I think to myself, "This is the ultimate luxury – having someone floss my teeth for me." That, plus new sox every day and I'm in heaven.

  9. SorosBot

    Let's see, at my current (well when I go back to work) income it would take me somewhere between five and seven years to make that much, before taxes – so seriously, fuck yourself, Mittens. And I mean that in the same way as the Sheriff in issue six of Preacher; after Jesse, using his power of The Word, commanded him to go fuck himself, he ripped off his own penis and stuck it up his own ass. That's what Mitt Romney should do.

          1. Isyaignert

            Damn, I fukkin' love this site! We can let it rip and be honest without some moderator whose stick up their ass has a stick up its ass messing with your zen.

  10. DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    Dear Mr. Romney: Please send me an inconsequential amount of your money, say, $137,000. You'll never miss it.

    P.S.: I will even give a couple of brief speeches on the topic of "thrift."

  11. ThundercatHo

    Oh poo! Where did I put that $374,327.62? I know it's around here someplace. Oh well, guess I'll just use my debit card to buy that new house.

    1. mayor_quimby

      "Or that vintage AMC car I saw on the campaign trail. Some old lady had it for some reason, it has sentimental value, as my dad WAS CEO OF THE FUCKING COMPANY THAT MADE IT!, or at least he was before they went bankrupt, like father, like son, durrp"

  12. chicken_thief

    Now keep in mind folks, that $374k and change is taxed as regular income at the marginal rate, it ain't like the dividend income from Bain, which is taxed at 15%. So he has to give up maybe a third of it. Or, more likely, pay someone a third of it so that he can avoid paying a third of it to Uncle Sam.

    1. SorosBot

      It's marginal anyway, so the first $250K gets taxed at a lower rate. I remember one time I was talking to a right-wing anti-tax friend of mine and told him how marginal tax rates work, and he responded with "yeah, that's how we should run taxes" so I had to respond with "uh, that's actually how they do work. Stop believing what Rush Limbaugh tells you."

      1. TurnItOff!

        Are speaking fees "earned" money, like when I dig a hole in -20 weather? I can certainly understand why capital gains are taxed less.

    2. ShaveTheWhales

      You're forgetting the 10% tithe that he can deduct (admittedly, there is some roll-off) against his otherwise-taxable income. If Willard ever does produce his tax returns, I'll bet that he gives at least half as much money to the LSD as he does to the US of A.

      1. Callyson

        "I'll bet that he gives at least half as much money to the LSD"
        Assuming that you meant to type "LDS," as in the acronym for the Mormon church, you win the Typo of the Year award. I just wish I could offer $374,327.62 in prize money…

      2. Biff

        I said the other day that I thought he was more afraid of the church finding out he's been stiffing them than he is about the gummint finding out he's a tax cheat.

  13. not that Dewey

    Mr. Romney added: “And then I get feelings of empathy for the plight of the struggling masses from time to time, but not very much.”

    And the NYT reporter was forced to take sides and admit that this might not be true.

  14. BarackMyWorld

    Poor people just need to work harder.
    He worked just as hard in one speech than someone working minimum wage earns in 2 3/4 years.

  15. Biel_ze_Bubba

    $40,000 for one fucking speech, in which he will say incredibly stupid things about people who don't make that much in a year.

    What a great career idea … I think I'll start telling numbnut Republicans what they want to hear, for a price, and assuage my guilt with the knowledge that they have less to give to other GOPtard candidates.

  16. MittBorg

    Has anyone told Bishop Willard "Mitt" RMONEY that $374,000 is nearly TEN TIMES what the average American FAMILY OF FOUR has to live on ALL FUCKING YEAR?

    Somebody tear his humanoid-appearing skin off. It's increasingly obvious that the Mittbot model has tin ears.

      1. MittBorg

        Thank deities, I'm way past those years, but I remember well when I lived on rice and beans all week, and if I was lucky, I could afford an egg on Sundays. And I worked three jobs and attended school full-time. These rich schmucks don't have the first clue.

        1. Isyaignert

          And look at 'cha now – we're mighty proud of ya sweetie! That college education was not wasted on you. Carry on and I hope you get to eat whatever you want whenever you want it. We outnumber them 99 to 1.

          1. MittBorg

            You are SUCH a sweetheart that I'm gonna hug you shamelessly right here and now in front of god and everybody. Thank you. It was a horrible few years, but you're right, I survived it and went on to become a high-earning, high-living old fart. I should be grateful for the things I have and RENEW my struggle against the 1%. #Solidarity!

          2. Isyaignert

            ((((blush)))). Seriously, Mr. Borg, sir, your comments are among my very favorite on this site and this site is my very favorite on them thair Internets (sic).

            BTW, OCCUPY THE COURTS this Friday to protest the Citizens United ruling. Go to: http://www.movetoamend.org to see what's going on in your town.

  17. starfanglednut

    "I get speaker’s fees from time to time, but not very much.” ($374,327.62)

    "Corporations are people, my friend"

    "I like being able to fire people"

    "I should tell my story. I'm also unemployed".

    "PETA is not happy that my dog likes fresh air."

    This is the frontrunner? This is the best they got?!

    *facepalm*

      1. MittBorg

        And whom, pray, have they got who is better? Because I keep trying to think who could save their sorry asses at this point, and I'm drawing a blank heah.

      2. ShaveTheWhales

        Atchully, he probably is their best, both in terms of electorabilitiness, and objectively as "likely to destroy America the slowest of all Repo alternatives".

        Of course, he's a born-rich, entitled, tongue-tied dingbat, but he doesn't seem to actively hate anybody, and he's obviously lying about some of his recent conservative epiphanies.

        Also, he's going to be the fucking nominee, so we should all revel in his lovely, lovely sound-bites.

        1. Isyaignert

          Also, too, he's right out of central casting with his chiseled jaw and slightly greying temples. Looks very presidential also, too, until he opens his yap.

          1. ShaveTheWhales

            That is an excellent point. While completely still, he radiates gravitas. Then he moves, and the fucking servos don't quite sync, and then the binary-to-English conversion fails.

    1. Callyson

      I am praying and begging on an hourly (is there such a thing as minutely?) basis that this GD economy recovers enough for Obama to get past this moran…

  18. littlebigdaddy

    I think the Mittroid will probably self-destruct like the fembots on Austin Powers. We just hope this happens after the nomination.

  19. DahBoner

    Mitt Romney is SOOOO rich, when he was down in the Amsterdam Red Light disrict with his Mormon chuch group, he spent over $2000 just window shopping.

    //rimshot

  20. Ducksworthy

    His speaker fees allowed him to donate $4million to the Mormon Church. It would be amusing to learn what sinister schemes of world domination that funded. Boy Scouts?

  21. Polythene_Pam

    If his annual earned income from speakers fees is 'not very much', I wonder how much his annual investment income is.

    I feel like one of those street urchins, in movies, pressing my face up against the window of a restaurant, looking in at the people eating escargot.

  22. Puffperney

    How does the repub. party get by with promoting out of touch bluebloods like Willard?

    …then get the bulk of the blue collar vote?

    I don't get it.

  23. Bluestatelibel

    This guy is making George H. with his astonishment over supermarket barcode scanners look like a common everyday working man.

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