THEORY OF RELATIVITY  9:23 pm January 17, 2012

Several Hundred Thousand Dollars ‘Not Very Much’ If You Ask Mitt Romney

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

To most Americans, the phrase “not very much” when conceived in terms of money would signify, “the coins under the couch cushions or 36 cents, whichever is greater.” To Mitt Romney, you need to start talking at least six figures before he’ll even muster the words “not very much.” Anything less than a quarter-million rounds down to zero, basically.

Mr. Romney added: “And then I get speaker’s fees from time to time, but not very much.”

In fact, in the most recent year, Mr. Romney made $374,327.62 in speaker’s fees, at an average of $41,592 per speech, according to his public financial disclosure reports.

[NYTimes]

 

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{ 100 comments }

Barb January 17, 2012 at 9:26 pm

Mitt Romney is nothing more than a salt-and-pepper hair-nest of douchbaggery.

snackypants January 17, 2012 at 11:19 pm

Barb, your comments always make me want to dry-hump you.

Barb January 18, 2012 at 9:28 am

Thank you!

MittBorg January 18, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Cut it out, you two, Wonketeerz are watching!

mayor_quimby January 18, 2012 at 3:18 am

I need his stylist to come forward and spill the dirt on his hair status. Surely the Colbert Super PAC can beat whatever Mittens is offering for non-disclosure.

MittBorg January 18, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Hon, his stylist already dished the dirt — there wasn't any. Bishop Willard "Mittens" Romneycare uses NO "product" whatsoever. (I don't believe a word of that shit. That hair has GOT to be superglued into place.)

ifthethunderdontgetya January 17, 2012 at 9:28 pm

What Mitt meant to say was, "My Robot Overlord was not well-pleased with the paltry sum earned from interacting with the humans."
~

the_problem_child January 17, 2012 at 9:28 pm

He's so jealous of Sarah Palin. He's just green with envy that he has to work SO HARD.

starfanglednut January 17, 2012 at 9:34 pm

If $374,327.62 is not that much, I'm sure he wouldn't mind giving it to me.

miss_grundy January 17, 2012 at 9:44 pm

Actually, can we share that amount. Because half of that would be a WHOLE LOT to me.

Guppy January 17, 2012 at 11:15 pm

Hell, toss me 1%.

TurnItOff! January 17, 2012 at 11:18 pm

I consider myself more of a 99%er.

starfanglednut January 17, 2012 at 9:36 pm

He really does live on a different planet, doesn't he?

comrad_darkness January 17, 2012 at 10:37 pm

He will when he dies. We (or our ghosts) can all take cold comfort in that.

MittBorg January 17, 2012 at 10:58 pm

Who was it who said "The very rich are different than you and me." Was that F. Scott Fitzgerald? Because it would appear that he knew whereof he spake. Jesus fucking J.H. Christ on a pogo stick, Mittens. Just get the fuck off the stage before the hoi polloi filnally lose it and tear you to pieces, you evil, ugly little man.

veritass January 17, 2012 at 9:37 pm

To be fair, when you consider the job it's really not that much money. I sure as hell wouldn't spend my year in the middle of the country talking to republican voters for only $374,327.62. Fuck that.

ShaveTheWhales January 17, 2012 at 11:09 pm

Mmm, I guess I'm a whore, 'cause I would.

littlebigdaddy January 17, 2012 at 11:16 pm

I'd do a lot more than speak to them for that kind of cash, if you know what I mean. I am talking dressing up as a schoolgirl/boy/whatev.

starfanglednut January 17, 2012 at 11:25 pm

For repubs, you'd have to dress as a boy, of course.

MittBorg January 18, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Um … is this, like, a regular, you know, hobby, or anything? Because, you know, some of us might, um, be into, you know, photography and stuff.

MissTaken January 17, 2012 at 9:48 pm

It's certainly chump-change if you ask me. Now if he earned $374,327.63 then we'd be talking about some real cheddar.

hollywooddood January 17, 2012 at 9:50 pm

I don't really give a shit how much money Willard has. What I do give a rip about is that I, with my mortgage, car payment, kid's college tuition, etc. pay 30% income tax so he can pay 15%.

rambone January 17, 2012 at 10:07 pm

Collidge tuisheen? WTF is that? Sounds soshilist if you ask me.

All one needs to know one can git from lookin' at the pitchurs in the TV Guide whilst being taken doggy-style in the "livingroom" of one's parent's mobile home.

[This public service announcement brought to you by the letters K, Y and Sarah Palin.]

Blueb4sunrise January 17, 2012 at 9:50 pm

Where's la Volpe, I'm ready now………….!!!!!!!!!!

Arrrggggghhhhhhhh, DAMN CRAMP CRAMP CRAMP !!!!!!!!
OWWWWWWWWW.

Chichikovovich January 17, 2012 at 9:51 pm

We sometimes imagine ways of life that are fascinating but palpably distant: What would it have been like to be a serf under Ivan Grozny and Boris Gudonov? What would it have been like to be the Iroquois witnessing the arrival of the first whites from France? And what of the French traders, coureurs de bois like Étienne Brûlé, leaving everything they knew to trade and assimilate into Native American life? What did the real life of the Medieval Samurai warriors – rather than the idealized picture – really involve? Such questions fascinate us, and we can inform ourselves as best we can, but we know that whatever incremental approaches to understanding we may achieve, we'll never pass beyond a firm boundary of incomprehension.

For Romney, cocooned his entire life in oligarchical wealth, the life of the ordinary working American is like that. Except that he seems to regard learning more about that life to be painfully dull rather than fascinating.

rambone January 17, 2012 at 9:51 pm

Just false modesty. You know, like when Santorum speaks about his half-inch cock or Perry about his 8-inch anal sphincter.

starfanglednut January 17, 2012 at 11:21 pm

A match made in heaven!

SexySmurf January 17, 2012 at 10:03 pm

$41,592 per speech!? Imagine how much he could make if he actually had something interesting to say.

Chichikovovich January 17, 2012 at 10:41 pm

If he had something interesting to say, he'd get $150 per speech, and he might get taken to dinner at a medium-fancy restaurant.

mayor_quimby January 18, 2012 at 5:49 am

Sizzler? Maybe Red Robin or Chili's.

Guppy January 17, 2012 at 11:18 pm

He'd make about that much annually, depending on how much tenure he's got at the community college.

Data Exactly January 17, 2012 at 10:08 pm

"I like my toilet paper green" – Mitt Romney.

ttommyunger January 17, 2012 at 10:14 pm

This assclown is more out of touch than the Bush Klan, if that's possible. I swear to God the DNC has his tongue insured for a Gazillion Dollars. The more he talks, the more he makes Barry look good by comparison.

AlterNewt January 17, 2012 at 10:37 pm

Hopefully, the Dems will be smart enough to just stand aside and continue to let him hang himself.

ttommyunger January 19, 2012 at 11:47 pm

They're doing a good job so far, and I'm lovin it.

Chichikovovich January 17, 2012 at 10:49 pm

This assclown is more out of touch than the Bush Klan, if that's possible

You've got a point there. Setting aside Pappy and Barb ("working out well for them") and just focusing on W, he knew little about ordinary working lives and couldn't be troubled to learn anything about them. But boy, did he have that "one of the boys" shtick down to an art. It was like watching P.T. Barnum separate a sucker from his just-cashed paycheck to see W faking concern for, interest in, and affinity with the Joe the Plumber types of the nation.

When Romney tries to fake it, we get stuff like "varmints, if you will."

ttommyunger January 19, 2012 at 11:55 pm

Dubya was better at the “shuck and jive”. Romney is the worst. Bubba the best so far in my book.

MittBorg January 17, 2012 at 11:04 pm

No shit. He can't open his mouth without sticking both his feet in sideways. If he wins the nom and Obama crushes him like the deserving little bug that he is, Obama will go down in history as The Great Campaigner, but for all the wrong reasons. This guy's like a LooneyToonz cartoon chicken that roasts itself and rushes up to the dining table with a carving knife and fork in each forelimb.

Isyaignert January 18, 2012 at 1:44 am

What an image! Reminds me of a Seinfeld episode where Kramer decides that butter is the best suntan lotion. After baking in the sun all day, he goes to Jerry's apartment; George walks in and says, "I smell turkey."

It's gonna be a great ride to November – these guys are such bufoons and fukwits. We have just gotta keep them from stealing the election, as they are wont to do.

MittBorg January 18, 2012 at 1:09 pm

True enough. I've told everyone I know to take cellphones and cameras to the polls so they can videotape anything suspicious. They're doing their best to suppress voter turnout.

ttommyunger January 20, 2012 at 12:01 am

True, but FUNNY! ;)

Guppy January 17, 2012 at 11:19 pm

Has Mitt ever cleared his own damned brush?

starfanglednut January 17, 2012 at 11:26 pm

He's never even brushed his own teeth.

Isyaignert January 18, 2012 at 1:49 am

LOL – When I get my teeth cleaned and the hygenist flosses them at the very end, I think to myself, "This is the ultimate luxury – having someone floss my teeth for me." That, plus new sox every day and I'm in heaven.

SorosBot January 17, 2012 at 10:22 pm

Let's see, at my current (well when I go back to work) income it would take me somewhere between five and seven years to make that much, before taxes – so seriously, fuck yourself, Mittens. And I mean that in the same way as the Sheriff in issue six of Preacher; after Jesse, using his power of The Word, commanded him to go fuck himself, he ripped off his own penis and stuck it up his own ass. That's what Mitt Romney should do.

MittBorg January 17, 2012 at 11:06 pm

He would, if he had one, but I don't think the MittBot 2.0 comes with.

starfanglednut January 17, 2012 at 11:28 pm

Plus, the manufacturers made the its asshole really, really tight.

MittBorg January 17, 2012 at 11:59 pm

He squeaks when he farts.

I'm sorry. At least it wasn't a buttsechs joke. Oh, waitaminnit, this is the Wonketz. Fuckit, I'm so not sorry.

Isyaignert January 18, 2012 at 1:52 am

Damn, I fukkin' love this site! We can let it rip and be honest without some moderator whose stick up their ass has a stick up its ass messing with your zen.

chicken_thief January 17, 2012 at 10:26 pm

Imagine what he could make if he had a personality.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 17, 2012 at 10:26 pm

Dear Mr. Romney: Please send me an inconsequential amount of your money, say, $137,000. You'll never miss it.

P.S.: I will even give a couple of brief speeches on the topic of "thrift."

ThundercatHo January 17, 2012 at 10:29 pm

Oh poo! Where did I put that $374,327.62? I know it's around here someplace. Oh well, guess I'll just use my debit card to buy that new house.

mayor_quimby January 18, 2012 at 6:23 am

"Or that vintage AMC car I saw on the campaign trail. Some old lady had it for some reason, it has sentimental value, as my dad WAS CEO OF THE FUCKING COMPANY THAT MADE IT!, or at least he was before they went bankrupt, like father, like son, durrp"

twoeightnine January 17, 2012 at 10:31 pm

Well then, Mitts Ol' Boy. Spare any change?

comrad_darkness January 17, 2012 at 10:35 pm

Fuck these bastards.

chicken_thief January 17, 2012 at 10:39 pm

Now keep in mind folks, that $374k and change is taxed as regular income at the marginal rate, it ain't like the dividend income from Bain, which is taxed at 15%. So he has to give up maybe a third of it. Or, more likely, pay someone a third of it so that he can avoid paying a third of it to Uncle Sam.

SorosBot January 17, 2012 at 10:48 pm

It's marginal anyway, so the first $250K gets taxed at a lower rate. I remember one time I was talking to a right-wing anti-tax friend of mine and told him how marginal tax rates work, and he responded with "yeah, that's how we should run taxes" so I had to respond with "uh, that's actually how they do work. Stop believing what Rush Limbaugh tells you."

TurnItOff! January 17, 2012 at 11:26 pm

Are speaking fees "earned" money, like when I dig a hole in -20 weather? I can certainly understand why capital gains are taxed less.

ShaveTheWhales January 17, 2012 at 11:16 pm

You're forgetting the 10% tithe that he can deduct (admittedly, there is some roll-off) against his otherwise-taxable income. If Willard ever does produce his tax returns, I'll bet that he gives at least half as much money to the LSD as he does to the US of A.

Callyson January 18, 2012 at 1:43 am

"I'll bet that he gives at least half as much money to the LSD"
Assuming that you meant to type "LDS," as in the acronym for the Mormon church, you win the Typo of the Year award. I just wish I could offer $374,327.62 in prize money…

Isyaignert January 18, 2012 at 1:54 am

It was no typo; trust me.

ShaveTheWhales January 18, 2012 at 2:19 am

Indeed, it was intentional typography, so I must forgo the virtual prize.

Biff January 18, 2012 at 9:41 pm

I said the other day that I thought he was more afraid of the church finding out he's been stiffing them than he is about the gummint finding out he's a tax cheat.

angerbear January 17, 2012 at 10:41 pm

That's just gas money, if you car is a Learjet, which his is.
Isn't yours?

not that Dewey January 17, 2012 at 10:43 pm

Mr. Romney added: “And then I get feelings of empathy for the plight of the struggling masses from time to time, but not very much.”

And the NYT reporter was forced to take sides and admit that this might not be true.

BarackMyWorld January 17, 2012 at 10:51 pm

Poor people just need to work harder.
He worked just as hard in one speech than someone working minimum wage earns in 2 3/4 years.

KenLayIsAlive January 18, 2012 at 8:01 pm

That must be quite a show.

Biel_ze_Bubba January 17, 2012 at 10:56 pm

$40,000 for one fucking speech, in which he will say incredibly stupid things about people who don't make that much in a year.

What a great career idea … I think I'll start telling numbnut Republicans what they want to hear, for a price, and assuage my guilt with the knowledge that they have less to give to other GOPtard candidates.

MittBorg January 17, 2012 at 10:56 pm

Has anyone told Bishop Willard "Mitt" RMONEY that $374,000 is nearly TEN TIMES what the average American FAMILY OF FOUR has to live on ALL FUCKING YEAR?

Somebody tear his humanoid-appearing skin off. It's increasingly obvious that the Mittbot model has tin ears.

snackypants January 17, 2012 at 11:24 pm

Exactly, not very much money at all!

MittBorg January 17, 2012 at 11:38 pm

Thank deities, I'm way past those years, but I remember well when I lived on rice and beans all week, and if I was lucky, I could afford an egg on Sundays. And I worked three jobs and attended school full-time. These rich schmucks don't have the first clue.

Isyaignert January 18, 2012 at 2:00 am

And look at 'cha now – we're mighty proud of ya sweetie! That college education was not wasted on you. Carry on and I hope you get to eat whatever you want whenever you want it. We outnumber them 99 to 1.

MittBorg January 18, 2012 at 1:41 pm

You are SUCH a sweetheart that I'm gonna hug you shamelessly right here and now in front of god and everybody. Thank you. It was a horrible few years, but you're right, I survived it and went on to become a high-earning, high-living old fart. I should be grateful for the things I have and RENEW my struggle against the 1%. #Solidarity!

starfanglednut January 17, 2012 at 11:19 pm

"I get speaker’s fees from time to time, but not very much.” ($374,327.62)

"Corporations are people, my friend"

"I like being able to fire people"

"I should tell my story. I'm also unemployed".

"PETA is not happy that my dog likes fresh air."

This is the frontrunner? This is the best they got?!

*facepalm*

MissTaken January 17, 2012 at 11:22 pm

Shh! He's not their best, but we don't want them to catch on to that.

MittBorg January 17, 2012 at 11:39 pm

And whom, pray, have they got who is better? Because I keep trying to think who could save their sorry asses at this point, and I'm drawing a blank heah.

ShaveTheWhales January 18, 2012 at 1:50 am

Atchully, he probably is their best, both in terms of electorabilitiness, and objectively as "likely to destroy America the slowest of all Repo alternatives".

Of course, he's a born-rich, entitled, tongue-tied dingbat, but he doesn't seem to actively hate anybody, and he's obviously lying about some of his recent conservative epiphanies.

Also, he's going to be the fucking nominee, so we should all revel in his lovely, lovely sound-bites.

Isyaignert January 18, 2012 at 2:03 am

Also, too, he's right out of central casting with his chiseled jaw and slightly greying temples. Looks very presidential also, too, until he opens his yap.

ShaveTheWhales January 18, 2012 at 2:24 am

That is an excellent point. While completely still, he radiates gravitas. Then he moves, and the fucking servos don't quite sync, and then the binary-to-English conversion fails.

Callyson January 18, 2012 at 1:46 am

I am praying and begging on an hourly (is there such a thing as minutely?) basis that this GD economy recovers enough for Obama to get past this moran…

littlebigdaddy January 17, 2012 at 11:32 pm

I think the Mittroid will probably self-destruct like the fembots on Austin Powers. We just hope this happens after the nomination.

Lionel[redacted]Esq January 18, 2012 at 12:23 am

Be fair, once you take out the cost of hookers, that is barely break even.

pinkoschminko January 18, 2012 at 10:56 am

Can Mitt be any more out of touch with normal (poor) Americans?

BZ1 January 18, 2012 at 11:17 am

a real man of the people (or at least his kind of people, meaning corporations)

MinAgain January 18, 2012 at 11:29 am

Mitt dollars. They're like dog years, only small and green.

DahBoner January 18, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Mitt Romney is SOOOO rich, when he was down in the Amsterdam Red Light disrict with his Mormon chuch group, he spent over $2000 just window shopping.

//rimshot

Polythene_Pam January 18, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Mitt is sooo rich that each of his cats has a personal butler of it's own.

KenLayIsAlive January 18, 2012 at 8:02 pm

JOB CREATOR!

Ducksworthy January 18, 2012 at 12:58 pm

His speaker fees allowed him to donate $4million to the Mormon Church. It would be amusing to learn what sinister schemes of world domination that funded. Boy Scouts?

Polythene_Pam January 18, 2012 at 1:19 pm

If his annual earned income from speakers fees is 'not very much', I wonder how much his annual investment income is.

I feel like one of those street urchins, in movies, pressing my face up against the window of a restaurant, looking in at the people eating escargot.

Puffperney January 18, 2012 at 1:20 pm

How does the repub. party get by with promoting out of touch bluebloods like Willard?

…then get the bulk of the blue collar vote?

I don't get it.

KenLayIsAlive January 18, 2012 at 8:02 pm

It's the racism.

Bluestatelibel January 18, 2012 at 7:48 pm

This guy is making George H. with his astonishment over supermarket barcode scanners look like a common everyday working man.

carlgt1 January 19, 2012 at 3:47 pm

yeah that only gets you about 500 shares of Google stock, 500 isn't very big…..

ThundercatHo January 18, 2012 at 10:44 am

Welcome, just don't make fun of baby ret@rds and you're cool.

FlownOver January 18, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Retard.

Not you, TCatHo. Just checking.

MittBorg January 18, 2012 at 1:45 pm

"binary-to-English conversion" <— Mighty Upfist Of Teh Year award.

Isyaignert January 18, 2012 at 3:28 pm

((((blush)))). Seriously, Mr. Borg, sir, your comments are among my very favorite on this site and this site is my very favorite on them thair Internets (sic).

BTW, OCCUPY THE COURTS this Friday to protest the Citizens United ruling. Go to: http://www.movetoamend.org to see what's going on in your town.

MittBorg January 18, 2012 at 5:42 pm

Thanks for the info (hugs ya again). Twitter's blacked out today, but I'll get to work on it tomorrow fershure.

Isyaignert January 18, 2012 at 6:36 pm

Kewl.

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