Newt Gingrich’s latest campaign ad is the shoestringiest thing you could possibly make if you wanted to simply remind people that you speak loudly and forcefully in debates, insult your competitors whilst sounding like a hormonally-charged high school debate team member, and categorically cannot stand the President. The ad consists of Star Wars-like music combined with two debate snippets and some applause. And that’s kind of it. Muffin does show up at the very end to approve the message…of himself speaking and being applauded.
There are words. Words about how more people have gotten on food stamps under Obama “than any president in American history” and how if liberals don’t like people being happy then screw them, basically. (???) The ad ends by Gingrich promising that he will help people find jobs, get jobs, keep jobs, and then eventually “own” jobs. What?
White House press secretary Jay Carney responded to the food stamps comment (which occurred during Monday’s debate in South Carolina), making the obvious hello-there-is-a-recession observation and also calling a spade a spade i.e. Newt Gingrich “crazy.” [BuzzFeed]
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The only thing Newt could beat Obama in is a pie eating contest.
I dunno. I think Michelle likes oral sex more than Callista.
Oh I'm sure Callista likes it just fine from her hot cabana boy when Newt's off being an historian somewhere.
I don't know, Callista appears to be a botox mannequin; I'm not sure she's capable of feeling any sexual pleasure. That could be what enables her to let Newt fuck her.
Callista looks to be well-lacquered, and we also know that black don't crack.
Or it could be the inability to feel sexual pain or disgust.
"That could be what enables her to let Newt fuck her."
I did see a picture of her smiling once, so maybe she can experience pleasure?
Then again, the picture was at Auschwitz, so who knows.
If she had any clue what enjoyable sex was supposed to be like, would she have slept with Newt?
You people stop talking about Newt'n'Callista having sex. It's disgusting and flaccidity-inducing!
Newt'll take "number of divorces" for the win…
Welcome back!
Or who can make the biggest indent in the sand when they sit down.
Much like his campaign.
How much do you have to pay to "own" a job?
Just an iron necklace.
Incoherent nonsense libel!
How much do you have to pay to own a job? Everything, but it is usually the other way around. Just ask our lords and masters the Kochs.
I would give poor people a job rubbing Newt in his own excrement. Can you imagine Callista's horror at seeing turd-matter?
Would it be worse than her horror at seeing Newt as he usually appears?
*Adjusts my Gingrich translation ring* Ahh, it makes more sense once you realize that when Gingrich says people he means "blacks" and when he says jobs… he means slaves.
He wants to make sure all the voters of South Carolina know he makes their racist dog-whistles and is appealing to the segregationist crowd.
Newt Gingrich's Campaign Manager Mike Gravel had no comment.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0rZdAB4V_j8
Someone desperately needs to harpoon that whale.
Calling Captain Ahab. We've sighted another white whale.
We're gonna need a bigger boat.
There he blows!
(Actually, pretty much anywhere really.)
I think even Greenpeace would stand aside and watch that approvingly.
Can we somehow convince him to take a nap in a motel frequented by Rick Perry?
If the Steve Irwin saw this bastard being harpooned by a Japanese "research vessel", the crew would shout "let him die!" from the deck.
He SOOOOOOO fucking hit it out of the park, his words stand alone. What else more need be said when you shit Tiffany cufflinks like he does??
The only real Newt-ism that's missing is his ever-present "CLEARLY" he uses all the time, like his point is so self-evident, that if YOU can see it, you're CLEARLY a fuckwit.
Jesus, the man's a pompous cunt.
Kind of miss the days when he used to go on Meet The Press and call President Obama, a Communist, on a monthly basis.
Newt also called on Rick S and Rick P to drop out of the race. Newt, this is a job you have to EARN before you can OWN it.
The economy is bigger under Obama "than any other president in American history."
So's Neut's ass.
Right outta 'Anchorman', "LOUD NOISES!"
We can tell this was not a SuperPAC ad because clearly it contains what the candidate wishes to express.
Newt is still running against a mystical Obama that doesn't exist, except in the Newtster's mind…
Yeah. I keep wondering who Mittens is talking about when he says that Obama is the most socialist President we've ever had.
I finally figured out who Newt reminds me of.
Baron Harkonnen in the movie Dune
Wasn't the Baron's voice a little easier to listen to? A bit lower, perhaps? More melodious? I know I am setting the bar rather low.
He does love his child murder. He does indeed.
"And Obama will LOSE before THESE eyes, and he'll know…HE'LL KNOW! That it is I, NEWTON LEROY GINGRICH that ENCOMPASSES HIS DOOM! AH HAHAHAHA!"
The emperor has no clothes.
And no empire.
And no exercise equipment.
Please don't mention Newt in the same thought with "no clothes" ever again !!
OK, but when actor mentioned the Baron, I just had to Google him. And this is what I found http://www.vitruvianschool.com/classes/workshops/... . Sorry.
I understand now. I'm even more nauseated than before, but I understand.
And almost no one watching his parade.
Cream may rise, Newt, but shit floats at least for a while.
Oh God, we liberals are EVIL. Trying to keep wages up, ensure that poor people don't have to die of cancer in the gutter, and actually thinking that an 11-year-old poor kid might benefit from an education rather than being sent into the Janitorial Arts before puberty.
Screw us and the horse we rode in on.
Whereas, Newt's definition of happiness: gated communities, private police forces, and Tiffany accounts for the 1%, fighting for table scraps for everyone else.
Conservative Bliss.
WE'RE the racists, goddammit!! Don't you listen to a word they say???
Liberals don't care about blah people.
LOL! @ "the Janitorial Arts".
Newt says Obama is blah so what did you expect from a blah? Foodstamps! Newt is not blah so he has a better plan. Janitors!
Blah.
The Aristocrats!
The Bane Witch Project.
The Bane Witch is like the Sand Witch, but with more Santorum.
Sadly, this is what the South Carolina debate was all about.
I thought the Stay Puft Man died in Ghostbusters I.
You obviously missed that episode of Dr Who. There's millions of them.
I believe you're confusing it with his more prominent (albeit lower ticket sales) role in Gutbusters.
In phizzicks the newton is a unit of force, but in politics it is CLEARLY a unit of farce.
Quantum? I barely knew 'em!
Also: with the physics unit Newton, extended over meters it gives Joules.
For the butterball unit Newton, to get Callista within meters of his grubby, lusty face he gives jewels.
And, of course, a Newton divided by its (enormous) mass and (wasted) time is a jerk.
Yes, I'm stretching.
"For the butterball unit Newton, to get Callista within meters of his grubby, lusty face he gives jewels."
Also, to get within meters of his flaccid, sweaty jewels, he gives jewels.
You're strange, but I'm charmed.
And don't worry Newt will bring back the policies that created the recession and cut off food stamps for poor people. Cause he is a real republican and knows how to dick over the poor.
Cause he is a real republican and knows
how todickover the poor. Also.Too. I couldn't agree more.
If I ever finish my first book, I'm going to write a second one called "Crazy Things Conservatives Believe." The whole saftey-net-causes-poverty myth is going to be chapter 1.
Unless you plan on living another 80 years, you better start writing the second one now. Just compiling the data should take about 75 of those years.
I think that one is going to extend over more volumes than the Encyclopedia Britannica. And I hope you will live a long time,..
Wan sui! (Lit. 10,000 years, fig. Long life; (Japanese) Banzai))
How about this ad for the corpulent one: "Vote for Newt, he's fat and snotty." I believe the average voter can relate to that.
Snewty, also.
Hey Newt, know what else Obama has more of “than any president in American history”?
AMERICANS, you tool.
Dammit, Miss, that's what I was trying to say upthread. This food stamp bullshit is the worst rendering of a statistical minutiae ever and just caked with racial overtones. Newt is such a shit stain.
Yeah, but do they make over a million dollars? Then they are not real Americans, but parasites we must get rid of.
His thoughtful nuance also leaves out the fact the program wasn't around for the first 35 of those presidents.
Yeah, and you know what else Obama has more of "than any president in American history"? Melanin. I think that's really your point.
Oh, well that explains it. Those People, if you know who I mean, are ALL on food stamps, right?
Whew! I thought you were going to say "inches, you tool."
Well, I am all for this lardass staying in the race and giving mittens a run for his money, or a waddle, whatever.
Gingrich/Christie 2012!
This ad is clearly what dumb people think a smart person's ad should sound like.
Newt's entire adult life has been nonstop compensation for being a skeevy nerd in high school. "Look, LOOK everybody. Who's banging the cheerleader now? Yeeeeah… I AM. Suck it, jocks, Newt wins!"
If we all promise to act really impressed by how smart and urbane and respected he is now, maybe he'll leave us the fuck alone.
Newt's banging Rick Perry? I'm gonna have a Texas-sized case of hysterical blindness now.
Whereupon the jocks reply: Whatever, Mr. Talking Wedgie. We were banging her when she was hot, not when the loads of plastic surgery you paid for transformed her into a twin of the spooky martian lady from Mars Attacks.
THAT's who she looks like! Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Cyndi McCain libel!
Newt's banging George W. Bush?
"act really impressed by how smart and urbane and respected he is"
Urbane, but not urban. CLEARLY.
Clearly, all poor people need is to go out and get themselves some learning!
Q: What's the difference between Barack Obama and Newt Gingrich?
A: One offers food stamps for the poors, the other would stampede poors at the offer of food.
Blah v Why
OMG why is he still in the race…and the way he spoke down to Juan Williams…arrogant Bastard…
Whaddya expect?? He's a colored!
Juan Williams is learning that when you lay down with the dogs, you get up with fleas. No one forced him to be a Fox News fluffer, giving those racist douchebags cover by his craven obsequiousness.
Did he think it was just all those *other* blahs and brahs that they hated? Did he think they recognized him as "one of the good ones"? "Oh, Juan, you're different, you're special, you're not like the others!"
Gingrich and SC GOP base just stripped him of those illusions, unless he is a Jedi master of denial.
Besides, Juan is the asshole who described Michelle Obama thusly, ""She's got the Stokely Carmichael in a designer dress thing going." Fuck him and his butthurt.
Yeah, I don't get the sympathy for Juan. That debate was probably his first contact with self-awareness that he's had in many years, and that's his own damned fault.
And Dubya's economics didn't have a damn thing to do with millions more people suddenly being poor enough to qualify for foodstamps. Keep the fairytales a comin' Newtie, this would be your last electoral hurrah and you might as well go out with a bang and not a whimper.
That stirring background music swells like Ole Newt's noggin.
That music is playing in Newt's head all the time.
DDW:
You're obviously just jealous the voices talk to HIM!
Newt's noggin in the only thing left about that still swells.
N:
That clip is labeled "The Moment." That's also the title of the video of the last time Mr. & Mrs. Gingrich did the huckle-buckle.
Which was also the first time.
"Then I'm gonna learn how to get a chicken pot pie, learn how to get a more golden-crusted chicken pot pie, and someday soon I will eat the shit out of that chicken pot pie."
Keep fuckin' that chicken pot pie, Newt!
CnFB:
Now there's a political platform I could get behind! "Pot in every chicken."
Homer Simpson: Listen here, pie. You don't like me, and I don't like you. So I'm just gonna do this [takes bites of air] and if you get in the way, that's just too bad…
*takes bites of air while walking forward*
*bangs forehead on stove hood*
OW!! Oh, the hell with it!
*eats pie*
another thing — hearing these fat old white guys pontificate about hard jobs is like hearing them pontificate about women's health issues & abortion. They are so friggin' clueless as they've never walked a mile (or even cared to) in a janitor's shoes, or an abused woman's shoes etc.
I'm sure they think they know what it's like, having fired janitors and demeaned women in the past.
They've abused a few women, though. Andf fired lots of janitors. Does that count?
Well, they give *their* help old clothes and a $5 bill at Christmas, so they understand that it's a pretty cushy life, amirite?
Needs moar Nickelback playing in the background.
Nickelback is the worst!
Perfect.
Newt has a point. How dare we give food stamps to those who have been made poor by Republican economic plans. If we do not starve them to death, how will we ever get rid of them?
I think the GOP SOP is to send them off to war killing other brown people.
That's true about the foodstamps. Barack Obama literally came to the business I worked at and forced them to lay me off, then drove me to the foodstamp office in his car, put a gun to my head and forced me to sign the application at gunpoint. My understanding is that is exactly the way he put everyone else on foodstamps.
I heard that starting next week, as Phase 2 of his evil socialist plan, he's going to come to all our houses and force us to hang out on the porch, drinking that Billy Dee Williams malt liquor and smoking Kools.
I told this to my Dad when he sent me a picture of Barry on a food stamp-
"If you think that Obama can run this country into the ground in a year (which is what it took) than he did a hell of a job."
And this is the moron who could not figure out how to get on the ballot in Virginia.
Shorter Newt: No food stamps for black child janitors.
Newt Gingrich knows a lot about the causes of poverty – Newt Gingrich himself has created much of that poverty.
I love how snarkless it gets in South Carolina – it's because the whole state is a state of snark… but toofless
What's wrong with putting people on food stamps? Should they
A) Die of starvation?
B) Loot Whole Foods?
C) Move to Canada?
D) Apply for food stamps?
A. According to Rethugs, at least. Better to remove the surplus population.
E) Learn how to grow their own food and stop being dependent on crazy things like a steady paycheck and a living wage.
F) Make money by writing cookbooks about creative ways to combine cat food and hobo beans?
G) Hunt the local fauna (rats and pigeons)?
We've had a 'food stamp' Congress for years now. They enable corporations to dump employees, leave cities for better tax breaks, and do everything possible to allow the rich to get richer. The poor are now being belittled for not having a job or making a living wage and the students and the young are derided as lazy or communists when they complain about onerous student debt loads, which used to guarantee the American dream. When the American military and Walmart are the largest employers of the unlucky of America it doesn't mean we need more Jesus or less immigrants or less LGBTs. We need justice.
It's hilarious to observe full-time employees of walmart grocery shopping with their
food stampsEBT cards.Walmart has full-time employees?
And by "hilarious", I assume you mean, "justice"?
Right on.
Ummm…honestly, Ken; can we make this the comment of the week?
No justice; no peace.
"The right to pursue happiness … makes liberals unhappy."
Did he actually just say that? I thought liberals were all about laissez les bontemps rouler (and French!).
Also, "continue to find ways to help poor people get a job"? When did he start? Where are your jobs, Newt? You asked Romney to show you his; fair is fair.
And it's kind of hard to pursue happiness when you're starving to death.
You might be better off asking Callista where Newt's jobs are.
Guys, the food stamps thing isn't an idiotic racist dog whistle phrase. For one, it's far too low register, and is thus well within the auditory range of pretty much everyone.
And for another, I'm pretty sure Newt is merely promising that under a Gingrich presidency, instead of food stamps, more families will go hungry than under any President since Hoover.
Newt's tossing this ad out because he's sick of Americans being more interested in style than substance. How bitterly disappointed he'll be to find out he doesn't have any of that either.
I dunno. When I think Newt, I think "sticky substance."
Either I am suffering from tinnitus, or there is truly a non-stop, high-pitched whistle going full on in my head.
I can't hear you, my dogs suddenly went berserk.
I would definitely hit that. With a lead pipe. Forcefully and repeatedly.
Scuse me – is this where I join the line?
Newtie has such an air of desperation about him these days, and, reading between the lines, Callista may be the largest contributing factor. Could be she hitched her wagon to the Gingrich star, hoping to become FLOTUS, and instead wound up with the political equivalent of a one way ticket to Palookaville. She must be an angry woman.
She'll be divorced and dead from cancer soon.
Hard to tell with Ol' Urethane-Face.
But at least she's sparkly.
"She must be an angry woman"
Between the Botox, starvation diets, plastic surgery stitches, implants, hair bleach, teeth capping, waxes, and vajazzling, she must be in constant agony anyway.
As despicable a turd as Newt is, I'd like to see him win South Carolina.
1) To piss off Mittens
2) (And this is more important) For our continued gooper 2012 lulz.
~
I wish Newt would do us a big favor and follow in Stephen Colbert's footsteps by asking South Carolinians to vote for Herman Cain.
I think the newt should dispatch O'Queef to try buying some of this with food stamps. You know, for the journalism.
"Newt Gingrich HeAd Has No Content"
/fixed
"Newt Gingrich Incontinent."
My dogs respond to your tone of your voice, not the message. Gibberish would work just as well. Newton doesn't really need to imply that he's referring to blah people. He just lowers his eyebrows and his tone of voice and barks a little more gruffly, and we all know that he's woofing about.
"Blah blah blah blah BLAH blah blah blah…"
Hmm, doesn't work as well as "Ginger".
Like a horrible version of that old Far Side cartoon:
"Blah blah blah OBAMA blah blah blah SOSHULIZM blah blah LAZY DARKIES blah blah WELFARE blah blah HANDOUTS blah blah blah…"
Belated jinx.
Hello Gingrich, my old friend,
I've come with talk with you again
Because the poor are the rich fleecing,
with their food stamps and welfare checks
And the vision that was planted in my brain, still remains
Within the sound of Gingrich
Newt Gingrich Ad Has No Content
Thank you Ad Block Plus!
Careful now, you don't want to go mentioning that program around Ken.
Funny thing, I don't even use it anymore (we lost the ability here at work). So it's all Nuclear Aftershock flavored Ice Tea for me!
At my office, only the IT guy can download programs, so I can't even watch videos that require flash (I mean, when at, not when sitting at home temporarily laid off and depressed); weirdly, this also means a lot of ads just turn into "download the adobe flash player!" for me there.
I can't watch Flash either at work and it kept causing my browser to crash. I disabled the Shockwave Flash add-on and now no more crashes. I'm never able to see video or youtube clips but at least I know that for $10 I can get any pizza, any size, any toppings at Pizza Hut.
Nootervilles!
Newt Gingrich has no content.
He sure smells like he's full of shit, though.
If he has no content, how can we judge his character?
He has no character, either, so only God can judge him. Or something.
I'm consulting the Ron Paul newsletter for that answer right now…
He doesn't have any of that, either.
I couldn't make it to the end. Did Newt go on to say that Obama is the T-bone steak, Cadillac and $500 basketball shoes president?
According to Bill OReally, he's the M-Fer iced tea president.
Callista had a 6-year affair with this idiot before marrying him?
He must have one ginormous schlong.
A kiss on the hand may be quite continental, but….
Tiffany's whore diamonds are a soulless girl's best friend.
One ginormous Tiffany line of credit.
"Have" one ginormous schlong, "is" one ginormous schlong, tomayto tomahto.
In today's 'Study Of The Obvious' men spend money to impress women. This is the only explanation any of us will accept regarding the Newt/Callista courtship.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jessica-pearce-roto...
Wait, spending money will impress women? OK, I'm off to get some shiny gold jewelry for you…
Yay! I'm partial to sapphires, they're rarer than diamonds and not nearly as whorey.
Good, I don't feel comfortable with diamonds because of the whole civil war in the Congo and near-slavery for the miners thing.
"He must have one ginormous schlong."
First, a pox on all of your houses for making me think of Newt's schlong (probably more like a schmekele, in my opinion, but anyway),
Second, I don't care if it's got "Louisville Slugger" printed on it, it's attached to Newt. NEWT, for God's sake!
Then again, it's not like she's any great prize, either.
In other words, I'm Newt Gingrich, and I am the most anti-"negro" candidate.
Or, in the words of George Wallace, "No one will ever out-n****r me again."
More than R. Paul? 13-year-old black men attacking us should be treated like adults? I haven't seen anything like this since I sifted through a collection of 1880s sheet-music that my 91-year-old Mom inherited. SHE thought some of the titles were racist, and BTW, she's also a big-time Rachel Maddow fan and fan of this site. Go figure.
Newt is HISTORICALLY anti-"negro".
Newt, bless him, he kept us out of Turkey!
Again: Newt is the Egg McMuffin of candidates.
And the Unhappy Meal of thousands of future child janitors and greeters.
Cheap, fatty, and unavailable after 10:30 am?
What happens in Tiffany's stays in Tiffany's…ask Tiffany…
The numbers for food stamps are indeed astounding.
Too bad this ersatz historian refuses to admit which president it was who fucked up the economy.
Thank you. It needed to be said.
SNAP!
I do so wish he would talk more about Elephants.
If I owned my job, I'd give myself a damn raise!
I owned my job once, and it frankly sucked. I never got a goddamn day off!
I will click on that Frontline Fukushima ad only if Gingrich explodes in the middle of it.
This doughy, gray shit-fountain is Eric Cartman grown up and with a veneer of education. I think I may hate him worse than the job-killing plutocrat, the racist old coot, the airheaded Texan, and even the self-loathing, deeply closeted frothmeister.
Meh. Needs moar "anti-colonialist Mau Mau son of a Luo tribesman oogity boogity blackity black Kenyan." Also, "More of a threat to the US than Nazi Germany and the Soviet Union combined." Perhaps seasoned with just a dash of Sekrit Muslin/Antichrist.
And could somebody please ask Newt when he ever did an honest day's work, much less 'created' a free market job?.
As we should clearly remember, because he assumes we've all been brainwashed in some 1984-scenario that didn't happen in the 1990s, he's not just a piece of gum recently found underneath the edge of the credenza…What? What jobs, how, what? Grade School children cleaning latrines? What?
As you were, gentlemen. As you were. Still a frickin' idiot, but he appears to know more about history than the others because they wisely choose to ignore it.
OT but why are there pictures of people in haz-mat suits on both sides of my Wonkette page?
Standard protocol for any post regarding Gingrich. You may want to suit up, too, just to be on the safe side.
Because you need to install a bit of blocking software.
I need Newt blocking software.
Huh. I ran this through my dog-whistle translator, and all that came out was "NIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGER
NIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGER
NIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGER
NIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGER
NIGGERNIGGER"
"New Gingrich Ad Has No Content…" Newt, on the other hand, is full of shit.
How is Newt going to help anyone "learn how to get a job" when he hasn't had a real job in years? The only job he's had since his entrance into politics is a blowjob or two (hundred).
New Gingrich ad has no content? Yeah, but what else is new(t)?
BTW, why didn't his ad include the part of where he literally talks about murdering every last one of our enemies?
These, my friends; these are the questions.
He forgot to say 9/11.
If you quote his ad, you are a fucking liar.
"Pursuing happiness makes liberals unhappy. Vote for me!"
Does this ad mention that most people on Welfare are white?
//banjo music
Oh she can smile alright – but only with that weird joker-like, probably pill-powered perma-grin she shares with Laura Bush.
Seriously. I gave one of my friends an earful after she proudly showed off her 2-carat Tiffany (!) engagement rock. We all know better nowadays so there's no excuse.
That's not a smile, it's just gas.
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