That's MRS. Flotus to you...Hooray, today is our dear FLOTUS’ birthday! Hopefully you are celebrating this special day with one of those cake-flavored yogurts and a few jumping jacks. FLOTUS foes are of course marking the occasion by continuing their Occupy Denny’s protest, which is probably the longest-running and most effective (hello, obesity!) movement of this century. Last year, our Michelle turned 47 on Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, ringing in her next year of life with a church serviceyawn. Maybe that was fine last year, but our FLOTUS is ten times the celebrity she was in 2011. She was recently featured in a scandalous book about how awful it is to live in the White House, and just yesterday, she starred in a popular children’s television program. And apparently, she “nailed it.” So on her birthday, we must ask, where is Michelle’s Golden Globe?

Our FLOTUS exercised her new Twitter account last week to express her excitement for the big teevee debut. Her appearance on iCarly was part of her initiative to support military families. But some people, upon closer inspection of the program, have decided that perhaps the appearance was actually a sneaky way for Michelle Obama to promote Michelle Obama.

Michelle Obama showed off her acting skills in a cameo on one of her daughters’ favorite shows on Monday: Nickelodeon’s “iCarly.”

Obama danced with the cast and played along as a game show contestant in the episode. And though she was playing herself, the role still required some acting chops, the “iCarly” stars said.
“She nailed it,” actor Jerry Trainor said during a screening of the episode in Alexandria, Va., on Friday.

But with the spotlight, comes extra scrutiny.

Critics have pounced on the first lady for the way she’s acted on-screen more than once. When Obama joked that she liked being called “your excellency” on “iCarly,” the line turned into a taunting headline on the Drudge Report. And some noted that Obama didn’t do enough heavy lifting on “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.”

Obviously most of the country would love to watch a two-hour special of our FLOTUS lifting two-by-fours and doing various things with drywall or whatever, but she has a campaign to run, people. Happy birthday, FLOTUS! Our pedometers beat for you. [Politico]

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  • Barb

    Happy Birthday, angry black woman!

  • Yes, make mine a key-lime cheesecake "flavor," and hold the yogurt. Just the cheesecake, correct, thanks.

  • Beowoof

    We want to know whether Barack nailed it on Air Force One. And happy birthday.

  • MrFizzy

    You never saw Laura Bush doing things like this because she was embalmed in 1987.

    • jus_wonderin

      I bet GWB gets balmed every night nowadays.

      • MrFizzy

        thanks for that excellent image – I can just see Laura's cross-eyed approach to W's pretzel.

    • RavenRant

      On the other hand, Michelle didn't kill a young man when she was a teenager. (That we know of.)

    • DahBoner

      And I bet Obama never murdered her boyfriend, like Laura Bush did, either…

  • neiltheblaze

    Happy Birthday to my favorite pretend girlfriend!

  • Last year, our Michelle turned 47 on Martin Luther King,

    So that means this year she turns 39. I lurv the maths.

  • SorosBot

    I don't know if you'd want to be Queen of Nickelodeon; I hear they 'crown' you with green slime.

    • Gakkake?

    • Chichikovovich

      Are you sure that isn't the Tentacle Porn Channel?

  • freakishlywrong

    Rush says it's uppity to celebrate birthdays. Tell Rush to go fuck himself with the candle on this virtual cake I made. Happy Birthday!

    • Barb

      Hey Rush! It's also uppity to get married and have Elton John sing for you. I love how Rush and his wife wrote their own wedding vows and then their own prescriptions for the occasion.

      • freakishlywrong

        I'd need something stronger than anything that could be prescribed to marry that fat pantload.

        • SorosBot

          Remember that he's a fat rich pantload; I think you can guess which part of that makes him tolerable to some women, so that they're even willing to fuck his bloated, sweaty, droopy, disgusting body.

          • There's not enough money in the world for me to even think about it. The man is ugly inside and out.

          • jus_wonderin

            I'd take turns using his mouth though………….for money.

      • SorosBot

        But see, Rush is white, therefore it's OK for him to be arrogant.

    • MzNicky

      "Tell Rush to go fuck himself with the candle on this virtual cake I made."

      While it's lit! And with all of 'em, Katie!

  • Goonemeritus

    I had my first shot of wheat grass juice this weekend now I know what has been making her so angry.

    • Chichikovovich

      OK, you're just jackin' with us, right? That isn't a real liquid meant for consumption. This is just the health food version of when some l'il scamps spread the rumor that krazy kids nowadays were smoking human excrement and getting high, and small-town sheriffs across the country announced to any mike within arms reach that that, yes, they knew all about it, and it was a terrible hazard sweeping the nation.

      Heheh. Wheat grass juice. Good one…
      It is a joke, right?


  • GhostBuggy

    She's so dishonest, just like all these liberals. Her whole act is just a scam to promote military families and get kids to make healthier choices! I'm on to her!

  • Barb

    Did everyone get an extra $20.00 in their food stamps this month so that we could all buy cake and celebrate along with them?

    • Chichikovovich

      Unlike Laura B, who was committed to Un-American European elitist stuff like getting kids to learn to read.

      • RavenRant

        Isn't it interesting that Laura Bush was never called a tyrant or a bully or arrogant for suggesting that American children's reading might be improved?

        But trying to stop kids from dying of Type II Diabetes makes Michelle History's Greatest Monster™.

        • Chichikovovich

          And conversely, imagine if Michelle had run a stop sign and killed an ex-boyfriend at 17. Instead of picking up occasional mentions in snark boards like this one, the collision would be a constant staple of Rush and Hannity conversation, and the fact that Michelle hadn't been prosecuted would be regarded as exhibit A in the “Corrupt Chicago Thug Politics” fantasy museum.—

          • RavenRant

            Laura's fatal driving mishap never even came out until halfway through Bush's 2nd term. We've been hearing about Michelle's 'Whitey' tape for four years, and it is nonexistent.

            And turning our attention to wannabe FLOTUS Cindy McCain, she admitted, on television, that she had been a drug addict, that she had stolen drugs from her own charity, and that she had forced a physician in her employ to make out false prescriptions in the name of other employees, which she then appropriated. The doctor lost his license. Cindy was never even booked. Being a white, multimillionaire, Senator's wife has its perks.

            And, of course, if Michelle Obama publicly admitted to being a drug addict, thief, and accessory to forgery, she would srely have been handled with the kid gloves Cindy got. Oh, wait – when rich white people are drug-addicted criminals, they're 'just going through a rough patch.' When black people do exactly the same thing, they are TERRIFYING CRIMINALS WHO MUST BE IMPRISONED AS LONG AS POSSIBLE!

            One other little known fact: Cindy's father, Jim Helmsley, a liquor distributor, served prison time for racketeering. If Michelle's Chicago dad had done time for racketeering… Well, I'm sure our 'liberal media' would have given her a pass on that, too.

          • RavenRant

            Oh, and Michelle would have been prosecuted for vehicular homicide.

          • Chichikovovich

            Very true. I didn't think the example through to the end. …. Oops!

    • RavenRant

      I sent my strapping young buck out in the Caddy to pick us up a couple of T-bones. Also, he's going to get a couple of round trip tickets to Hawaii. With food stamps. Because Newt assures us that is a thing that can happen.

  • Joshua Norton

    HB Shelly. Black don't crack!

  • Baconzgood

    So does iCarly have a mom or dad? Or is that doofus in charge of her well being. If so some one needs to call CYS and have her put in non-Bachmann foster care.

    • Texan_Bulldog

      The dad is in the Navy & the mom is dead…thus the plot line to help military families. So, yes, the 'doofus' big brother is in charge. I know this because I love terrible tween shows. (Actually, I have a 9-year-old daughter.)

      • Baconzgood

        SUUUUUUUURRRRRRE. *coughs* pedobear.

      • BerkeleyBear

        They switched dad to the Air Force (I thought he was on a submarine the first year, but now he's a colonel in the AF). I hate the fact that I know that, or that of all the crap my kids watch when I give them a choice iCarly somehow comes off as the least ridiculous.

        • Chichikovovich

          Go for Spongebob or Phineas and Ferb, man. More realistic and better jokes.

          [Though I'll admit that daughter and I still get laughs years later mentioning stuff from the iCarly "Beavcoon" episode.

  • Just hope MO doesn't say "I don't know" or mention anything about "water" or "wet."

  • Texan_Bulldog

    "Hopefully you are celebrating this special day with one of those cake-flavored yogurts…"

    "Hopefully you are celebrating this special day with one of those cake-flavored vodkas."


    (Sorry, I don't know strike-through HTML.)

  • I for one would love to see Michelle Obama do lots of heavy lifting, get all sweaty and show off those guns to the American people.

    I'll be in my bunk.

  • Goonemeritus

    “Our pedometers beat for you”

    During the winter months my Pedometer and self winding watch classify me as deceased.

  • Joshua Norton

    the line turned into a taunting headline on the Drudge Report.

    But of course. Drudge is the only Queen allowed in the room, as far as he's concerned.

  • freakishlywrong

    Oh, and She is History's Greatest Monster.

    • vulpes82

      Dammit, I was going to say that!

  • MzNicky

    You know which OTHER First Lady lifted two-by-fours?

    • Barb

      Callista Gingrich? No, that's not right. She lifted old wrinkly balls in the back of a car. My bad!

      • MzNicky

        Plus Barb she's not actually a FLOTUS and never will be. [shuddering at the thought]

        • Barb

          And what thought would you be "shuddering at?"

          • jus_wonderin

            All of them, Katie?

          • MzNicky

            The thought of the Gingrich mannequin as FLOTUS.

    • Eleanor Roosevelt?

    • PsycWench

      Laura Bush is used to dealing with someone with the IQ of a board. Does that count?

      • MzNicky

        I'm thinking she and old Babs may have used 2x4s to try to knock some sense into Dubya. Didn't work, but I bet it was fun.

    • Mojopo

      How else was Mary Todd Lincoln going to beat some sense into Abe?

    • Callyson

      Hillary Clinton, when the Monica Lewinsky scandal hit?

  • prommie

    Today, we are all angry black women.

    • LesBontemps

      Some angrier and/or blacker than others, though.

      • Wait. That's not just your proifile picture?

    • ThundercatHo

      Hey, I know how to do that thing with my neck. I have to warm-up first, tho.

  • x111e7thst

    Drudge is just cranky 'cause he never gets to be the angry black woman.

  • HempDogbane

    Callista will NOT be lifting 2x4s.

    • Ruhe

      Two four-carat diamond earrings. She lifts them up and down using her earlobes as often as is necessary…if you know what I mean…and I think you do.

    • vulpes82

      2X4 inch emerald cut diamond Tiffany rings, maybe.

    • MzNicky

      Callista IS a two by four.

    • RavenRant

      Callista will NOT be FLOTUS. Ever. Not even on Bizarro World.

  • Happy birthday, you classy and beautiful lady.

  • Maybe someone who has seen the iCarly episode can explain to me how it "helps military families"? Much of what passes for support of a "pet cause" could be described as gestures, or "demonstrating" one's support like wearing a ribbon-pin, but what is actually being done on behalf of these veterans and the untreated afflictions (emotional trauma, physical injury, psychological scarring) that their families struggle to help them through?

    For instance, ex-Mumbletycompanion once helped w/ a volunteer program here that offered children w/ a parent serving overseas a free afterschool studio-art class 1x/wk. While the instructor appeared committed and skilled in providing "therapy as artistic expression" for a half-dozen kids ranging in ages from 7-12, one felt the program *could* be much more if not for a nagging undercurrent of blasé (such as the host school's lukewarm reception to opening their art classroom; or lack of coordinated effort btw. volunteer recruitment and outreach to the military families themselves).

    I guess I'm cynical about teevee entertainment value serving our military population's best interests because the real-life nature of getting involved w/ a cause often results in just about as much disillusionment as a talking head parroting the soundbites of a cause; & at the heart of it all are families who are suffering and institutions [see: Walter Reed] meant to help them but run by inepti-twats.

    • BerkeleyBear

      I don't know what they do behind the scenes, but the premise of the show is that the central character's dad is in the military (mom's dead), so they've occasionally focused on how it makes her feel. Of course dad is a full bird colonel in the Air Force who never seems to be in that much danger, and the family is wealthy enough to have a kick ass apartment in Seattle and never really have to worry about any of the shit that makes being in a military family so much fun – like moving all over at the drop of a hat, or dealing with mom or dad's moods, or trying to make it from payday to payday without going to one of the 3 dozen predatory payday lenders located conveniently off base.

      I do know the stars made a promo with military families to help raise awareness, and that the FLOTUS and Dr. Jill Biden have made this a top issue (along with improving veteran care and transition assistance) but I don't know what all else the show's cast or producers have done.

      • Do tell! I had no idea this show had any military reference in theme or setting.
        I'd expect this to be a difficult subject to work into any TV format, much less a comedy, & even less so for one targeting an underage audience.
        Apart from the usual M*A*S*H and China Beach oldz' the only other show I recall even attempting to tackle the actual family side of it was Call to Glory during the late 80s — nonetheless maybe I should temper my chagrin if any military-affiliated's children feel some acknowledgement in the production of a show like iCarly.

  • Michelle Obama > Tebow

    • Bet she completed all of her passes.

      If you know what I mean.

      And I think you do.

      • Shit, if it wasn't for the Predator drones I'd run her post route

  • Newt: It must cost a shitload of food stamps to buy a cameo on iCarly.

    Calista: I have a wallet.


  • SoBeach

    I like the First Lady. That she turns the wingnuts into gibbering, foot-stomping crybabies makes me like her even more.

    Hope she has a great birthday.

  • PsycWench

    If Michelle Obama donated a kidney to a dying child, some wingnut would bitch that she should have donated both of them.

    • A black kidney? It'll kill the poor kid. Just another example of the black, liberal feminist agenda to destroy America.

    • Mojopo

      "I bet she really thinks she's something, handing out her kidneys like that. Apparently she has no self esteem. If she really wanted to do something altruistic, she could have purchased a kidney and given it away. But NOooOOOoo, Michelle Obama has to alert the media and have one extracted from her body. I find the whole thing repulsive."

    • Steverino247

      And if her husband shot himself, they would bitch about the caliber bullet he used.

  • If FLOTUS doesn't watch it, she and Barry are going to be in the first fall episode of Househunters.

  • Mojopo

    I wonder what Oprah bought for the First Lady! The phone call with well wishes would be kind of hilarious. "Happy birthday, MICHELLE OH-BAH-MAAAAH!"

  • vulpes82

    Happy Birthday to that uppity negress!

  • Michelle should do a cameo on Pawn Stars – walk into the store with a couple of Secret Service agents and try to sell the painting of Ronald Reagan hanging in the East Room.

    • Rick: "So how'd you come across this?"

      MO: "I was redecorating a really old house and we found it hanging in a room no one uses anymore."

  • BTW who's the creepy lady in the radiation suit and what the hell is she doing reaching behind the comments I just wrote????

  • BZ1

    Snark turned off: remember ANY time that other FLOTUS received this much harsh scrutiny, not even when Nancy was deciding policy with a horoscope, Betty with a bottle of gin …

    • proudgrampa

      You don't suppose it would have anything to do with the color of her skin, do you?

      • MzNicky


    • RavenRant

      Never. Not even close.

      However, I remember when Nancy Reagan had a mastectomy instead of a lumpectomy, certain so-called feminists and liberals attacked her choice. According to the critics, she should have had a lumpectomy to set a good example for American women.

      I thought the attacks were despicable and sickening. Nobody has a mastectomy lightly. She made the the choice that she thought was best for her life, and it became a very nasty 'blame the victim' scenario. Gee, maybe she thought her life was more important than her funbags. What a bitch, amirite?

      But I have never seen the kind of nonstop virulent filth that has been flung at Michelle. And, yes, it is absolutely fueled by racism. With plenty of misogyny mixed in.

  • Mahousu

    While Michelle may be the Queen of Nickelodeon, Callista Gingrich is the Queen of Cartoon Network – the Ice Queen, to be precise.

  • MinAgain

    I hope she takes it easy on the birthday candles and the funny birthday hats. Otherwise, we'll start hearing rumors of voodoo rituals in the White House.

  • ttommyunger

    The only thing I like better than having a black hottie as First Lady is seeing how much it chaps the ample wrinkled asses of the likes of Limpbow, InSanitty and the Loofahnator.

  • thefrontpage

    Here's the final exclusive exerpt from the new, behind-the-scenes look at Joe and Jill Biden during Joe Biden's time in office as the vice president, the new non-fiction book, "The Bidens," by Bob Woodstein, due to be released today, Tuesday, Jan. 17, 2012, by Political Press, Washington, D.C., 496 pages, foreward by Rahm Emanuel, $29.95, hardcover:

    Joe and Jill were preparing the Vice President's Den at the Vice President's House for their monthly Trivial Pursuit Night with the Obamas, the Emanuels, the Gibbs, the Panettas, and the Sotameyers.

    "Honey," Jill said as she made her special chopped liver appetizer. "Do you think Michelle Obama is attractive?'

    • DahBoner

      What am I?

      A chopped liver appetizer?

  • thefrontpage

    Joe just laughed. A smart man and a veteran politican, Joe wisely knew not to wade into such moronic minefields. As he watered down the whiskey in the bar and poured Boone's Farm Wine into the empty, more expensive bottles, he just looked over at Jill, who was still somewhat attractive to him after all these years.

    "Honeysuckle honeybunch," he said in his best campaign-donation-solicitation voice, "You know she is an attractive woman, but of course she's nowhere near as attractive, beautiful, hot and cute as you are!"

    Jill smiled. That Joe! He really had a way with words, he did! "But Joey," she said, "Would you sleep with her?"

    "Haha," Joe immediately responded, "That's funny! You know that you're the only one for me!'

    Jill and Joe finished their preparations, went upstairs and made wild love for an hour, and then came back downstairs to greet their guests. Everyone agreed it was one of the best Trivial Pursuit Nights at the Vice President's House in quite a while.

    • prommie

      But, its true, Jill Biden is hot.

  • MozakiBlocks

    For her birthday present, FLOTUS should be able to walk into the WH Press Room, look directly into the TV cameras and tell the wingnuts in this country to "Kiss her magnificent black ass!"

    Or maybe she should just do that every day 'bout 3:00pm Eastern.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Would be the highest-rated show in TV history, even if she didn't moon the camera.

  • SorosBot

    Drunk driving; she killed her high school boyfriend who was a passenger.

  • RavenRant

    "On a November night in 1963, Mrs. Bush and a girlfriend were hurrying to a drive-in theater when Mrs. Bush, at the wheel of her father’s Chevy Impala, ran a stop sign on a small road and smashed into a car being driven by Mike Douglas, a star athlete and popular student at her school."

    I'm sure if the same thing happen to Michelle as a teenager, Repugs would totally give her the benefit og the doubt, and take the high road. Amirite?!?

    • DahBoner

      As anyone who's ever been murdered by a young Republican Texan can attest, they can be quite quick tongued with the arresting police officer to get off Scot free…

    • RavenRant

      Benefit OG the doubt???

      Sheesh. I hate it when I can't edit my typos.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    If Michelle invented a cure for cancer, GOPtard fuckers would bitch that she was showing off.

  • owhatever

    Just another Welfare Queen with two children and no job. Newt would have them all retrained for useful work in and around South Carolina homes.

    I hated snarking that. Happy B, Mrs. O.

  • hallmark1

    Nothing says megalomaniac quite like using the birthday of your wife Michelle to solicit campaign contributions for yourself.

    Read the story at The Political Commentator here:

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