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TSA Now Testing Radiation Levels of TSA Airport Security Workers

How safe are those “backskatter” radiation machines, again? Completely safe, of course! But the Department of Homeland Security is just going to do a little check-and-see, just in case thousands and thousands of TSA airport security workers are about to be diagnosed with terrible cancers that will result, we assume, in the biggest lawsuit in history.

The Los Angeles Times reports:

After years of rebuffing health concerns over airport scanners, the Transportation Security Administration plans to conduct new tests on the potential radiation exposure from the machines at more than 100 airports nationwide.

But the TSA does not plan to retest the machines or passengers. Instead, the agency plans to test its airport security officers to see if they are being exposed to dangerous levels of radiation while working with the scanners.

So did the TSA actually admit this? Of course not. Watchdogs noticed that the agency had solicited government contractors for a massive supply of portable dosimeters that employees would wear to measure how much ionizing radiation they were being bombarded by, every work day, while operating or just standing near those deadly backskatter porno-scanners. [Los Angeles Times via Cryptogon]

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100 comments

  1. MittsHairHelmet

    What's more important: military-industrial complex profits or minimum wage workers developing cancer?

    1. WhatTheHolyHeck

      Now you don't have to choose! You can have all of that and more — multi-million-dollar fees for the former DHS chief to pimp the product as a guest expert on news programs, baseless arrests for harmless passive protests like t-shirts, and even continued abuse of both TSA staff and passengers via unnecessarily and ineffectively invasive body searches!

      You can have all these civil rights abuses for the low, low price of Congress!

      Order now.

  2. SorosBot

    But it'll all be worth it if a spider irradiated by the scanners bites a nerdy teenager, giving him the ability to do whatever a spider can.

  3. hagajim

    TSA agent – "I have a giant lump in my ballsack that wasn't there six months ago."

    TSA management – "That's prolly just the lump of coal you got for a Christmas bonus."

  4. edgydrifter

    When you see the TSA agents wearing lead smocks and ducking behind a blast shield as you enter the scanner, it's time to opt for the pat-down.

    1. fartknocker

      I've called them "Thousands Standing Around." Also, for the traveling public information, the TSA agents at the Lubbock, TX airport are some of the friendliest people I've ever met.

        1. Biff

          I haven't been on a plane since the 80's. Guess I just don't need to get anywhere in that big of a hurry.

  5. HistoriCat

    Michael Chertoff won't earn the big bonuses if the TSA stops buying those scanners. Do we really want that on our collective consciences?

  6. Callyson

    the TSA does not plan to retest the machines or passengers…TSA spokesman Nico Melendez said "We continuously test our technology to ensure it is safe for both passengers and our officers…"
    George Orwell, Christopher Hitchens, and HL Mencken are ROTFL up in Heaven over this one…

      1. Monsieur_Grumpe

        Hairy knuckles.
        Giant index finger.
        Super human ability to smell hemorrhoid crème tubes larger than 2oz.
        Sub human sense of humor.

  7. actor212

    I went through one on Saturday afternoon.

    I made the mistake of carrying freezedried food in my hand. Suddenly I had melted vanilla ice cream all over my arms.

    Quite embarassing.

  8. Goonemeritus

    I think they should also consider offering broad spectrum Cooties tests it can’t be healthy constantly having to grope the junk of strangers.

  9. Biel_ze_Bubba

    Someone ought to start an airline where there are no lines, no scanners, no TSA goons, and no ionizing radiation… but everyone has to fly naked.

    It just might catch on.

    1. CommieLibunatic

      I wouldn't be surprised if the logical conclusion of all this… security… was all our current TSA joy, plus the restrained and naked flights. Like some sort of lame S&M thing gone wrong.

  10. ttommyunger

    Snark away, but remember, they have to go to that shitty job every day and you don't. Jeez, groping fat ugly cranky people eight hours a day AND risk Radiation Poinsoning to boot? Hold me back.

    1. emmelemm

      All for minimum wage…

      (Yeah, seriously, some of them may be assholes, but at least I don't have their job.)

  11. sati_demise

    I always wonder how much that custom made TSA rug costs at every checkpoint.
    Was it really necessary? Or just put there to bother me about government spending.

    I get the grope every single time.
    No, I will never be a Guinea Pig for Michael Chertoffs Goldman Sachs account.

  12. littlebigdaddy

    No, I'm not really down with this TSA bullshit. However, a Tranny Sexytime Agency is something I believe we could all get behind!

  13. MittBorg

    DHS and TSA are two government agencies that really *ought* to be eliminated. Not that you'll ever hear Repiglicunts say so. No, they'd rather get rid of Education.

      1. MittBorg

        Their leechcraft would have us crawling on all fours like a beast!

        Srsly. In a 21st-century world, they want to privatize education and make it wealth-dependent. At a time when we've already bled away the vast manufacturing base of jobs that would employ those with anything less than a tertiary education.

    1. flamingpdog

      ♫ "You gotta pay the price, you gotta sacrifice, for your liberty." ♫
      – Up(chuck) With People

  14. DaRooster

    Why do today what you can put off for 10 years? Especially where the safety of people is concerned.

    *cha-ching*

Comments are closed.