GAME SHOW HOSTS  12:29 am January 16, 2012

Unloved Moderate Mormon Millionaire Dropping Out of GOP Race

by Ken Layne

Jon Huntsman or Mitt Romney or ... SID FRENCHMAN?Citing widespread evidence that Republicans don’t love him because he would basically govern like Barack Obama, an unloved moderate Mormon millionaire will drop out of the Republican presidential contest today. Despite many endorsements, lots of money, a handsome appearance and an attractive family of preppy white people, the candidate has never been embraced by GOP primary voters — in large part because he believes in the wrong American Jesus. The candidate will endorse the other unloved moderate Mormon millionaire currently doing better in the caucus/primary tally.

The Los Angeles Times reports:

Jon Huntsman Jr. will end his run for the Republican presidential nomination and endorse longtime rival Mitt Romney on Monday, a Huntsman campaign source said Sunday night.

Huntsman, a former Utah governor, quit his post last year as President Obama’s ambassador to China to make a surprise entry into the 2012 race. But that diplomatic credential wound up working to his disadvantage in a Republican contest driven largely by the party’s desire to unseat the Democratic incumbent in the White House.

Ha, wow, who could’ve foreseen that?

There are three differences between Huntsman and Romney, all relatively minor: Huntsman speaks Chinese while Romney speaks French, Huntsman is super rich while Romney is one of the world’s richest men, and Huntsman hasn’t spent the past thirty years running for president the way Romney has. It is this latter point, pundits say, that draws the clearest contrast between the two unloved moderate Mormon millionaires.

His decision to drop out came on the eve of a potentially decisive round of debates and primary voting in South Carolina and Florida, with Romney poised to lock up the nomination. It is unlikely that Huntsman’s endorsement will have a significant effect, given his anemic support from GOP voters.

There is probably a Martin Luther King Jr. joke in here, somewhere, involving the Mormons’ long history of segregating black people (in Hell), but such a joke is also probably too anemic to make any difference, ultimately. [LAT/USA Today]

 

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{ 250 comments }

DrunkIrishman January 16, 2012 at 12:31 am

Huntsman also has a soul…Romney is just a robot.

MittBorg January 16, 2012 at 2:11 am

It's not a very *nice* soul, but yes.

Swampgas_Man January 16, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Romney has filet of soul.

MittBorg January 16, 2012 at 6:20 pm

I wouldn't rate it *that* highly, darlz. Basement Cat gives RMONEY SOUL five severed bloody thumbs down and a rating of: tough tag-ends, suitable for stewing.

WIDTAP January 16, 2012 at 6:55 am

Romney dreams of electronic sheep.

tessiee January 16, 2012 at 11:39 am

Do interior decorator androids dream of eclectic sheep?

Nostrildamus January 16, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Rick Perry dreams of inflatable sheep.

deanbooth January 16, 2012 at 8:15 am

Turing says "Gotcha!"

hagajim January 16, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Ahh – but will Johnny lend his magic undies to Mittens – for luck?

flamingpdog January 16, 2012 at 12:31 am

Jon Huntsman had a dream, but it got shot down too.

Negropolis January 16, 2012 at 2:17 am

Too soon. :(

MittBorg January 16, 2012 at 2:50 am

Forever.

Spurning Beer January 16, 2012 at 8:33 am

Gingrich: "I have been to the muffin-top!"

GOPCrusher January 16, 2012 at 1:03 pm

He dreams of day when a man can be judged as a man, instead of the type of underwear he wears.

Barb January 16, 2012 at 12:33 am

His sin was working for Obama. He will never be forgiven for that.

flamingpdog January 16, 2012 at 12:34 am

Maybe Barry can offer him the ambassadorship to Dumbfuckistan.

ElPinche January 16, 2012 at 1:20 am

You mean Texas? I thought Perry was already Ambassador of Niggerhead?

Biff January 16, 2012 at 2:26 am

Or U-beckibeckibeckistanstan?

ttommyunger January 16, 2012 at 8:10 am

The fact that he is charismatically challenged might have something to do with it as well. He exudes all of the enthusiasm of a man desperately fighting sleep.

tessiee January 16, 2012 at 11:38 am

"He exudes all of the enthusiasm of a man desperately fighting sleep."

In contrast to Liebermann, who I think may actually *be* desperately fighting sleep.

C_R_Eature January 16, 2012 at 12:06 pm

I think that Lieberman may actually be desperately fighting Consciousness.

BelleSC January 16, 2012 at 10:51 am

Not by the Republicans anyway.

SorosBot January 16, 2012 at 12:36 am

This is news for incredibly boring white people; for everyone else, it's "John who?"

flamingpdog January 16, 2012 at 12:37 am

Actually, it's "Jon who?", but for everyone else, yeah.

DrunkIrishman January 16, 2012 at 12:52 am

JERRY: Except Jon is spelled with an H. J-O-H-N.

GEORGE: So?

JERRY: Doesn't Jon Voight spell his name J-O-N?

GEORGE: So, what are you saying?

JERRY: Nothing. I'm sure "Jon" probably mispelled his own name. I know sometimes I spell Jerry with a G…and an I!

snackypants January 16, 2012 at 1:40 am

This is good news for John McCain?

smokefillednewyear January 16, 2012 at 3:57 am

White People Problems.

Barb January 16, 2012 at 12:37 am

Who will be next? I think Newt is too much of a blowhard to drop out just yet. Santorum should just go ahead and concede to Mitt Rob-me.

MissTaken January 16, 2012 at 1:02 am

Santorum got the evangelical yeehaw this weekend so he ain't going anywhere. Too bad, I was looking forward to my monitor being Santorum-free for a bit. Guess I need to stock up on windex, again.

snackypants January 16, 2012 at 1:40 am

I use a squeegee when my monitor gets spattered with Santorum.

Biff January 16, 2012 at 2:28 am

On the inside?

Gainsbourg69 January 16, 2012 at 10:38 am

I'm glad he's not going anywhere. Him staying in the race means that Romney has to tack further to the right. And the futher right he goes the crazier he has to sound in order to apease the knuckle dragers in the republican base. By the time the campaigning for the general starts, Romney will have flipped and flopped on every single issue.

HempDogbane January 16, 2012 at 1:37 am

So far it has been Trump, Pawlenty, Gary Johnson, One-L and now Huntsman quitting. Paul won't quit, Perry's backers won't let him, Newt is too stubborn (and needs to sell a few more books). That leaves President Santorum in the mix.

snackypants January 16, 2012 at 1:42 am

You forgot about Herman 9-9-9 Cain!

Barb January 16, 2012 at 1:44 am

Snackypants, he's easily forgettable.

snackypants January 16, 2012 at 1:48 am

Barb, I wish I could forget the entire 2012 election cycle already. There aren't enough gin and tonics in the world, however.

Guppy January 16, 2012 at 1:56 am

I thought he "suspended" his campaign rather than drop out.

HempDogbane January 16, 2012 at 2:07 am

You're right, I did forget Cain, but he'll be back again for at least a day. Trump'll be back a couple times before November. And Gary Johnson is now an Independent. They're like dogshit on your shoe – you can wipe it clean but the smell stays all day.

Chet Kincaid January 16, 2012 at 9:36 am

"Suspend" is the face-saving euphemism for "discontinue", as true for products (remember the Mac Cube?) as for candidates.

Biff January 16, 2012 at 2:29 am

Where's Buddy Roemer?

MittBorg January 16, 2012 at 2:55 am

Sending me regular emails and Tweets, why do you ask?

Guppy January 16, 2012 at 1:58 am

I'm thinking Newt will be distracted by a cupcake somewhere and forget about this whole "running for office" thing.

MittBorg January 16, 2012 at 2:12 am

I like calling him Bishop Willard "Mitt" RMONEY. I think that suits him.

Barb January 16, 2012 at 2:26 am

Loving the new name and avatar, my friend!

MittBorg January 16, 2012 at 2:32 am

Thank you, darlz! (kisses the pretty lady)

See, *some* people read taglines. I had to sit out in the garden and eat worms anaconda some people wouldn't read mine and had the noive to call me on the change.

Three weeks to go. Don't forget to tell Jeffer to log in and post as soon as it's all over.

Barb January 16, 2012 at 3:00 am

Yeah, I am working on writing my bucket list now.

Negropolis January 16, 2012 at 2:19 am

It's actually hard to imagine any of those remaining dropping out.

Perry's too stupid and not classy enough to know when to leave.

Santorum is on a holy war from God.

Newt's in it for revenge and speaking fees, and only when his suicide attack on Romney starts to affect his going rate will he even consider dropping out.

Who does that leave? Did I get them all?

Oh, and Ron Paul is the honey badger of American politics: he just doesn't give a shit either way, bless his heart.

HempDogbane January 16, 2012 at 2:21 am

Ron/Rand Paul will be running for the next 40 years.

tessiee January 16, 2012 at 11:48 am

So will Newt.

Barb January 16, 2012 at 2:29 am

NegroP, do you think Newt will escalate with the Romney attacks?

Negropolis January 16, 2012 at 2:39 am

So long as they don't cut into his speaking fees/book selling; yeah. It's a good question, though, and I'm not 100% sure. It depends on whether his need for petty revenge and spite outweighs his digusting avarice.

MittBorg January 16, 2012 at 2:57 am

Where "bless his heart" = DIAF

SorosBot January 16, 2012 at 12:41 am

But really, compared to Huntsman Mittens has always been a whiter shade of pale (yes I will milk this reference for all it's worth).

Biff January 16, 2012 at 2:48 am

OxyMormon.

SexySmurf January 16, 2012 at 12:42 am

I didn't even know he was running.

flamingpdog January 16, 2012 at 12:44 am

Apparently neither did anybody else.

MittBorg January 16, 2012 at 2:13 am

GodDAMNit, pdog, every time I go to say something tonight, you've already said it. Will ya STOP reading my mind already?

flamingpdog January 16, 2012 at 1:27 pm

You just got to stay up to midnight, MBorg. I guess Ken Layne couldn't sleep last night, either.

smokefillednewyear January 16, 2012 at 3:38 am

Santorum is running. Like a faucet.

Barb January 16, 2012 at 12:49 am

Good to see you, Flaming.
I believe that Newt is on some sort of payback mission. His wife is completely unlikable and I don't ever want to see her in the White House.

flamingpdog January 16, 2012 at 12:58 am

If Newt won the Presidency, Callista would the first First Lady to donate her inaugural ball hairdo to the Smithsonian instead of her inaugural ball dress. Fortunately for the curatorial staff, the hairdo would already be saturated with preservative.

Barb January 16, 2012 at 1:02 am

I've seen Weebles with more natural looking hair.

MittBorg January 16, 2012 at 2:54 am

If, godforbid, Newt won the Presidency, I would recommend mass murder-suicide for those not into serious S&M/B&D.

MittBorg January 16, 2012 at 2:52 am

I don't particularly like her myself, but I'm interested in why you consider her unlikeable.

Barb January 16, 2012 at 3:07 am

These are not my own words. This person lives in my mind though.
Why I do not like Mrs. Gingrich:
This woman was giving Newt blowjobs in his car while he was still married to the wife she was soon to replace, and is now turning her self into a circus sideshow freak with extensive plastic surgery, in a desperate attempt to hang onto the fat, pasty white son-of-a-bitch, because she is afraid of losing him to a younger version of herself with looser morals and tighter skin!

How could we NOT make fun of the fact that SHE is what the Republicans are trying to pass off as worthy of being the First Lady of this country?

MittBorg January 16, 2012 at 3:17 am

I can't argue with any of that.

I certainly couldn't have phrased it as you did. I've never liked her, but never known how to put it in words. And yes, it is scandalous that anyone could possibly consider her a fit candidate for First Lady. Maybe that sounds a little prudish, but even though the position has little real power, I just don't think anyone holding that office should be someone that you don't want your kids to grow up to be like.

WIDTAP January 16, 2012 at 6:59 am

So the lesson here is take the blowjobs, but don't marry the bitch?

Negropolis January 16, 2012 at 8:28 am

You know, I don't quite come from the angle about someone being "worthy" of being First Lady or not, because, it not be an office you run for, I'm not sure how any political spouse is more or less deserving of such an office, but I will tell you what bothers me about Callista. Callista is the living embodiement and reminder of the worst of Gingrich's vices.

Maybe, he is a changed man. Maybe, she's a changed woman. Maybe, he is, as he says, too old to run around, anymore. And, you know, if he had other virtues and wasn't preaching against the fault of other humans (and sometimes, not even faults, but the inherent charateristics and qualities of people different than himself), maybe his personal history of vices wouldn't be an issue. But, given his performance this time around, I don't see any reason to believe anything else he's said. I see a man playing for the cameras, and when that got to hard revealing his old self, again.

The best thing Newt could have done was to have stayed in the background and keep whatever tatters he had left of his reputation and legacy.

You know, I look at how he and Bill diverged after each of their scandals, and it's night and day. Bill looks to be as reformed an individual as any philanderer can get; he honestly looks like he did some deep soul searching. The results of that can never be known for sure by anyone but himself, but there is at least strong evidence for him having found his way back on track in his personal life. You can tell even from just the 2008 race that he'd have his girl's back in a minute. Gingrich? I still get this vibe off the guy that if the tough really got going, again, he'd drop Callista in a hot minute.

MittBorg January 16, 2012 at 12:52 pm

It's a sad fact of life, but true, that when you are in the running for ANY kind of position of power, your spouse is too. And Mrs. Gingrich is the kind of woman that, a hundred years ago, would not have been "received" in the house of any person who cared about their reputation. We no longer have a sense of shame, as a people, but she is still not the kind of person you would invite to dinner for the pleasure of her company.

starfanglednut January 16, 2012 at 9:33 am

Can you imagine if Michelle Obama had been an adulteress? We'd never hear the end of it from the "family values" people.

horsedreamer_1 January 16, 2012 at 7:20 pm

They would call her "First Chickenhead". Sexist, hypocritical, & a little bit racist.

not that Dewey January 16, 2012 at 11:42 am

Okay. Can we stop talking about Newt's blowjobs now?

MissNancyPriss January 16, 2012 at 11:56 am

How come "extensive plastic surgery" did not translate to "new nose"?

natoslug January 16, 2012 at 12:04 pm

I've always felt that women should have curves, not angles. There's just no way I can imagine her enjoying sex, and no way in hell I'm going to even try imagining Newt and sex.

flamingpdog January 16, 2012 at 12:52 am

Jon Huntsman on the phone to Tim Pawlenty Sunday night: "Tim, I'm calling you because you have experience in dropping out because you had no support and the money ran out. Do you have any advice on how I should handle my withdrawal announcement?"

Pawlenty: Well, Jim, if I were you, I'd

Huntsman: "zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…"

ElPinche January 16, 2012 at 1:22 am

Hahahaha. I almost forgot about Tim P..zzZzzzzzzZzZZzzz zzz zZzz

MittBorg January 16, 2012 at 2:14 am

That unloved moderate boring millionare just can't catch a zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

nounverb911 January 16, 2012 at 12:53 am

"Unloved Moderate Mormon Millionaire Dropping Out of GOP Race"
All of them, Katie?

Attila_T_Hun January 16, 2012 at 12:58 am

Lesson for future Republican candidates: Speaking Chinese is worse than speaking French, which is worse than denying the Bible has always been written in English.

flamingpdog January 16, 2012 at 1:02 am

Quite true, but Prezdint Dubya spoke Messican, and it didn't seem to hurt his election chances. How the Rethuglic Party has changed even since 2000!

Spurning Beer January 16, 2012 at 10:00 am

He spoke Messican the way a ranch owner talks to the ranch hands. That's totally okay. If he made any gesture toward muting his faux Texan accent, he would have flunked out of the primaries.

tessiee January 16, 2012 at 11:53 am

"He spoke Messican the way a ranch owner talks to the ranch hands."

I used to think of it as "Peggy Hill Spanish".

horsedreamer_1 January 16, 2012 at 7:21 pm

Los estudiantes son mis ah-muh-gosh.

elfgoldsackring January 16, 2012 at 1:28 am

Well, sure. Chinese ain't even written in English, for Pete's sake!

Negropolis January 16, 2012 at 2:23 am

Hell, they'll call it heresy if you don't admit that the Bible was originally written in American. "English" is that elitist, godless language they speak across the pond, dontcha' know.

LiveToServeYa January 16, 2012 at 9:49 am

Jessie James Version, yes.

flamingpdog January 16, 2012 at 1:07 am

Slightly OT, but I just now Googled "Romney" and this came up sixth on my list.

Barb January 16, 2012 at 1:11 am

Yes, inspired by his poor dog.

ElPinche January 16, 2012 at 1:18 am

damnation..you beat me!

smokefillednewyear January 16, 2012 at 1:42 am

Poor Shittin' Seamus. Seriously, if you get weird when your dog jumps on your couch or on your bed, and couldn't possibly imagine him/her in your car (!), you shouldn't have a fucking dog.

MittBorg January 16, 2012 at 2:17 am

I just have trouble believing any human being could stick the FAMILY PET on top of the car. Would it have killed him to have Ann drive another car with a couple of the kids in it? To have rented/bought/borrowed a larger car? I just cannot even imagine doing that to any animal, let alone a domestic animal, let alone your goddamned family fucking pet.

ElPinche January 16, 2012 at 9:56 am

At least he didn't put one of his slaves in a cage on the family truckster.

hagajim January 16, 2012 at 1:24 pm

Do you need to Romney before or after you have Santorum?

MissTaken January 16, 2012 at 1:11 am

This is a sad day for all moderate Mormon millionaires

Spurning Beer January 16, 2012 at 10:02 am

All of them, Katie?

GunToting[Redacted] January 16, 2012 at 10:14 am

Today we are all moderate Mormon millionaires.

LiveToServeYa January 16, 2012 at 11:42 am

They'll be in a bar, crying into their beer tea soda water.

tessiee January 16, 2012 at 11:56 am

Not sad enough.
Mittens ain't going anywhere just yet.

MittBorg January 16, 2012 at 1:00 pm

More's the pity.

DarwinianDemon January 16, 2012 at 1:12 am

"Moderate"? "Govern the same as Obama"? Uh…didn't Huntsman endorse Ryan's voucher plan calling it a great step forward?

flamingpdog January 16, 2012 at 1:31 am

Shhhh, he's a Secret Modlim.

MittBorg January 16, 2012 at 2:17 am

Before anyone else except Ryan himself.

Negropolis January 16, 2012 at 2:25 am

Are you sure he didn't call it the Great Leap Forward?

LiveToServeYa January 16, 2012 at 11:45 am

Ken meant 'moderate as compared to Michele Bachmann, Rick Santorum, or Attila the Hun.'

Barb January 16, 2012 at 1:13 am

Has everyone seen the newest Colbert Super PAC ad: http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-v

flamingpdog January 16, 2012 at 1:29 am

Needz moar Frances McDormand.

MittBorg January 16, 2012 at 2:18 am

You leave my Sekrit Hunny ALONE!!

Lionel[redacted]Esq January 16, 2012 at 1:26 am

At last, our long national nightmare is over.

We now know that there is no chance the Republicans will nominate a somewhat rational, thoughtful person who might actually work at leading this country and not protecting the rich.

Negropolis January 16, 2012 at 2:28 am

…who might actually work at leading this country and not protecting the rich.

Ummm…but that's exactly what Huntsman wanted to do: protect the rich. I don't know why some smart people don't see that just because he said it with a smile and an indoor voice. This guy was easily the most corporatist of the candidates. The most for-corporate candidate in the race. All that energy he didn't use in hawking social issues he put into hawking the oh-so-tired GOP plan to further shred the already tattered social safety net.

Let's not get it twisted. This guy would have been businesses' first choice if he had had higher name recognition. The only reason they are betting on Romney is because they know more about him, and he's had years to court them.

Jonny is not our friend. He is not a "moderate", on net.

DarwinianDemon January 16, 2012 at 2:48 am

Yeah, but if you show up, remain upright and pantsed and don't smear feces on yourself you are a winner in Republican Land

Negropolis January 16, 2012 at 2:58 am

I don't know. Sounds like it makes you a leader in liberal land, 'cause the schlubs over there sure didn't seem to like him enough to actually vote for him. Romney's still out there doing the "Romney Smash!" routine with the outdoor voice and stern frown, and they eat that shit up with a spoon.

DarwinianDemon January 16, 2012 at 3:02 am

Not just the Republicans. Candy Crowley was on CNN this morning repeating asshole Romney's line about all jobs lost from January 20, 2009 thru now being Obama's fault. She cited a poll that said Americans trust Romney more than Obama on the economy. My esophagus is going to be plain worn away from all the vomiting by the time the election rolls around.

MittBorg January 16, 2012 at 3:08 am

I've never for one minute fooled myself about what lies beneath that facile, smarmy facade.

Geminisunmars January 16, 2012 at 11:52 am

"We now know" — I think we knew that going in.

tessiee January 16, 2012 at 11:59 am

"We now know that there is no chance the Republicans will nominate a somewhat rational, thoughtful person who might actually work at leading this country and not protecting the rich."

…Which is a good start, except that I'm by no means convinced that just because they're neither rational nor thoughtful, they couldn't actually win.

smokefillednewyear January 16, 2012 at 1:34 am

I want a Mormon duel! A fight to the death with a Sears Catalog!

SorosBot January 16, 2012 at 1:35 am

Well, I'm about ready to go to bed and so am ready to do something evil, and wondering if anyone is feeling some skyrockets in flight – Afternoon Delight

now you've got a sing the makes Friday look like a work of genius stuck in your heads; enjoy!

Barb January 16, 2012 at 1:46 am

Damn you!
Wait, this is a song about the naughty naked nooner. All hail midday sexy time!

MissTaken January 16, 2012 at 2:06 am

Stop The Insanity!

flamingpdog January 16, 2012 at 2:08 am

Pure evil, Soros, puuuuuure evil.
And I didn't even click on the link.

MittBorg January 16, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Be grateful.

EloquentScience January 16, 2012 at 4:43 am

I didn't know that Alan Colmes was in the Starland Vocal Band!

Spurning Beer January 16, 2012 at 10:04 am

Earworms like that give me Ninety-Six Tears.

LiveToServeYa January 16, 2012 at 11:51 am

Hey, isn't that the new Romney campaign song? As smooth as fried buttah!

tessiee January 16, 2012 at 12:02 pm

That song will always remind me of the afternoon delights I used to share with a certain guy. As earworms go, it's one of my favorites.

EloquentScience January 16, 2012 at 12:13 pm

Is that Alan Colmes in that video? I didn't know he was a member of Starland Vocal Band!

MittBorg January 16, 2012 at 1:03 pm

I used to love you, you know.

Fukui_sanYesOta January 16, 2012 at 1:49 am

Ah, so the all-mormon ticket is ready to rumble.

It's different, I'll give 'em that. They'll be destroyed in the election, of course (Insh'allah) but it's different.

smokefillednewyear January 16, 2012 at 1:55 am

Comment deleted by drunken user

MittBorg January 16, 2012 at 1:06 pm

Already Lunar New Year, lor. Fai ti le ma! Change the tagline or the av!

smokefillednewyear January 16, 2012 at 4:07 pm

1/23, no?

MittBorg January 16, 2012 at 5:26 pm

Maybe Singaporeans celebrating early lor? Already got my hong bao* from my Chinese friends.

*And, for the non-pudong_hua speakers, ang pao.

smokefillednewyear January 16, 2012 at 7:39 pm

Whatever, lor. I'm not Asian. But I'll take your word for it.

Radiotherapy January 16, 2012 at 2:06 am

I'm going to miss his accusation that the EPA are regulatory terrorists.

DarwinianDemon January 16, 2012 at 2:10 am

*sing song* Moooooderate!

MittBorg January 16, 2012 at 2:21 am

He said that? Geez. The "reasonable, sane, 'sciency'" candidate.

Negropolis January 16, 2012 at 2:32 am

He was that until he found he was getting nowhere in the polls. He said that in one of the earlier debates, and then went even further as he stagnated by switching his position that human-induced climate change was obvious – even poking fun at the other candidates that denied it – to the position that we don't know enough to know.

DarwinianDemon January 16, 2012 at 2:46 am

So he hates the EPA, would get rid of the Department of Education, wants to repeal ObamaCare, approves of getting rid of Medicare and says he would vote for the Ryan Budget. But aside from that, he is totes just like Obama. Except maybe less morally weak.

MittBorg January 16, 2012 at 2:50 am

Is "morally weak" = "blah"?

MittBorg January 16, 2012 at 2:47 am

When I heard him state that we need more research on the subject, after having stated clearly that clmate change was man-made, he completely lost the last little grain of respect I had for him. The one thing that I still respected about the guy was that at least insofar as the science of climate change was concerned, he accepted the current scientific consensus and was willing to take heat for his position.

And now this.

DarwinianDemon January 16, 2012 at 2:50 am

Just another stooge to polish Mitt's nickel plated robo-ass.

Guppy January 16, 2012 at 3:47 am

It's a slippery slope. Start believing in climate change, and next thing you know you'll start believing that it's OK to be gay and that teens actually have sex. Science is a bitch like that.

Biff January 16, 2012 at 2:39 am

Guess he doesn't give a shit what happens to Bryce Canyon?

MittBorg January 16, 2012 at 2:48 am

I'm beginning to think that not a single one of these sorry motherfuckers gives a flying shit about anybody except their own sweet selves.

flamingpdog January 16, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Game, set, match!

Negropolis January 16, 2012 at 2:11 am

Silly Jon-boy. Didn't he watch Mormon Highlander? There can be only ONE.

I'm sure Colbert trumpetting for many nights in a row that he was beating him in South Carolina couldn't have done a lot for his ego.

Alas, Jonny, the only thing that set you apart – knowing Mandarin – won't help you in that party. I don't know how you thought that would work in a party whose base is rank racists, xenophobes, and other assorted bigots.

Barb January 16, 2012 at 2:15 am

I'm watching the History Channel and Larry the Cable Guy is going to visit with the Palins. That's going to be a real Algonquin round table.

Negropolis January 16, 2012 at 2:35 am

I'm watching PBS, and it's an hour-long documentary on the life of Benazir Bhutto. So, yeah, Larry the Cable Guy can go eat dirt for all I care. lol

not that Dewey January 16, 2012 at 11:37 am

Is she still dead?

MittBorg January 16, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Why, has there been a zombie outbreak in Pakistan?

not that Dewey January 16, 2012 at 1:23 pm

I was trying to summon Neilist.
http://www.google.com/search?q=neilist+benazir+bh

Biff January 16, 2012 at 2:41 am

Oh for fuck's sake.

SorosBot January 16, 2012 at 9:17 am

Shouldn't the "History" Channel be officially adding air-quotes to its' title when showing crap like that?

Pres.VerminSupreme January 16, 2012 at 11:36 am

Pretty soon it will change its name to something like THC (see what I did there), since there is increasingly little history on The History Channel. Just like The Learning Channel changed its name to TLC after they became an all midget-reality-show station.

not that Dewey January 16, 2012 at 11:39 am

That's an unfair characterization! They have some non-midget programming, such as shows about people burying themselves in crap, raiding other people's storage lockers, or making cupcakes. Learning!

tessiee January 16, 2012 at 12:09 pm

Well, Larry the preppy sure as hell isn't comedy.

rocktonsam January 16, 2012 at 12:13 pm

since the Palin's are history, title seems apt in this case.

C_R_Eature January 16, 2012 at 9:45 am

What…did they run out of stories about Hitler, about Aliens, about Hitler using Alien technology in his Secret Nazi Flying Saucer program, About Hitler going back in time to try to convince the Aliens to carve swastikas in the Plains of Nazca…
about a secret group raising clones of Hitler in Brazil (no, that was a movie).
"History" Channel. Humph.
I hope that If you did have to watch this monstrousity, you had an ample supply of Nitrous Oxide gas and a Vomit bag.

Radiotherapy January 16, 2012 at 1:27 pm

I guess they went from Hitler to the Palins.

tessiee January 16, 2012 at 12:11 pm

I do like the implication that Larry and the Palins are history, though.

KenLayIsAlive January 16, 2012 at 8:38 pm

You misspelled "bunch of fucking idiots" but I see what you mean.

BZ1 January 16, 2012 at 2:22 am

When the one sane candidate drops out, a sorry indictment of the rest …

MittBorg January 16, 2012 at 3:11 am

He's not sane. He just plays one on TV.

Negropolis January 16, 2012 at 8:16 am

WIN!

DocChaos January 16, 2012 at 2:32 am

Another difference; that in spite of being a wingnut, Huntsman seems to have some personal integrity, and that's why he's not the Mormon who's going to be the nominee.

enkalitah January 16, 2012 at 2:41 am

Hey…Romney Jr endorsed Romney. See you in 2016.

Extemporanus January 16, 2012 at 2:45 am

GET A BAIN MORMANS!

fuflans January 17, 2012 at 2:01 am

well that should be coming back through most of 2012.

well done.

cheaphits January 16, 2012 at 2:50 am

I did like him saying to he would legalize…except when the rubber met the road, i.e. after the election it would have been forgotten.

MittBorg January 16, 2012 at 3:03 am

Not as far as I can tell. I just got a new Twitter follower who's a Roemerbot.

smokefillednewyear January 16, 2012 at 3:49 am

GOP: 'Moderation' in the front. Party in the shitter!

BarackMyWorld January 16, 2012 at 4:18 am

Your move, Perry.

Negropolis January 16, 2012 at 8:18 am

And, if he doesn't willingly move – and I have reason to believe that he may not being a quarter cow, and all – I say someone makes him walk the plank.

MittBorg January 16, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Arrr!

Negropolis January 16, 2012 at 11:39 pm

Moo!

MittBorg January 17, 2012 at 12:12 am

Nay, lad, neigh!

horsedreamer_1 January 16, 2012 at 7:25 pm

I don't care what Katy's parents say; no way Tebow chooses the bicurious chanteuse over Lindsey Vonn.

Data Exactly January 16, 2012 at 4:40 am

Wow, he got Wonkette to post on a Sunday for dropping out?!? Not even every candidate on stage gets that kind of treatment, but he did merely by dropping out of the election all together! I'd never expect that, but here we are, at the crossroads of inevitability and Monolithic Mitt. It's a rough road from here on. No room for a moderate.

Come here a minute January 16, 2012 at 7:13 am

Huntsman was a lame candidate — he didn't have three unnameable departments to eliminate or a stupid number-number-number tax plan that would cut taxes on people like him, and raise them for the lucky duckies who earn too little to pay federal income tax. Where's the humor?

salt_bagel January 16, 2012 at 7:31 am

Sid HOFFMAN.

Ken Layne January 16, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Hahahahahah well at least somebody is willing to admit they got that alt-text reference.

freakishlywrong January 16, 2012 at 8:00 am

Well fuck. NOW who am I gonna vote fer?

weejee January 16, 2012 at 8:54 am

Maybe Lou Sarah will toss her chainsaw in the ring?

flamingpdog January 16, 2012 at 1:42 pm

All of them, Katie!

(Well, it used to work in Chicago.)

finallyhappy January 16, 2012 at 8:05 am

I think Perry is a winner fersure!- I just heard on tv that he is defending the Marines who urinated on the dead guys- and that the President hates America because he issued aa statement saying the urination was wrong.

MittBorg January 16, 2012 at 1:13 pm

Fuck me. I know I'm gonna go Google this and every word of it will be true. Where's the booze, pills, and injectables when ya need 'em?

GOPCrusher January 16, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Well you know, George Patton pissed in the Rhine River and Winston Churchill pissed on the Atlantic Wall, so pissing on corpses is the same thing.

ttommyunger January 16, 2012 at 8:12 am

Short version: Daddy decided to cut his losses.

Negropolis January 16, 2012 at 8:37 am

Ain't that the truth. From your mouth to Angel Moroni's ears, sir.

ttommyunger January 16, 2012 at 11:24 am

Right! Be interested to hear your take on the MLK Memorial Monument.

Come here a minute January 16, 2012 at 10:47 am

Couldn't be — as a purely ethical candidate, Ambassador Huntsman had NO COORDINATION with daddy and his SUPERPAC.

ttommyunger January 16, 2012 at 11:25 am

Thanks, I needed a laugh!

GorzoTheMighty January 16, 2012 at 8:22 am

Those with magic underware stick together!

Negropolis January 16, 2012 at 8:39 am

There's a fabric softener for that, I'm sure.

MittBorg January 16, 2012 at 1:14 pm

And why they do that, we'd better not say.

weejee January 16, 2012 at 8:39 am

Well this should help Willard carry the Mormon vote in the Palmetto State – all six of them.

BelleSC January 16, 2012 at 11:02 am

I might have even parked my butt in a church down here yesterday just so I could hear what was being "advised" to voters here. Would have been interesting.

Nah, hardly worth it. We'll see what happens on the 21st. I'll be glad to see the lot of them gone especially if they take Nikki Haley with them.

MittBorg January 16, 2012 at 1:17 pm

What's Haley looking like on the approval numbers these days? State still in lerve wif the teagaggers, or common sense returning to the blood-starved brain?

Bluestatelibel January 16, 2012 at 9:19 am

For a rich son of a bitch, he at least sounded vaguely human when he spoke, what a shame he's dropping out.

MittBorg January 16, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Yeah, my heart pumps pure piss for him.

LiveToServeYa January 16, 2012 at 10:00 am

I guess the Knights of the Holy Underpants will have to shoulder on with only a single ..ah.. member. 'We can't give it up, now! … Well, when *can* we give it up?"

chascates January 16, 2012 at 10:09 am

His daughters should have made topless videos to gain buzz. Hell, they still can!

horsedreamer_1 January 16, 2012 at 7:26 pm

I'd show them my Salamander.

Negligently_Joe January 16, 2012 at 10:12 am

Why are none of my comments posting?? bluh

Negligently_Joe January 16, 2012 at 10:14 am

Can someone explain what word might be auto-deleting my rant about how Huntsman isn't actually all that moderate, here? I didn't even use the etardray word, which required much more restraint than you could possibly know.

teebob2000 January 16, 2012 at 10:36 am

He's not at all moderate in most issues that *actually* matter. He just happens to believe in evolution and climate change which puts him so far outside the GOP mainstream dogma on those VERY important issues that he's considered unelectable from the right.

Negligently_Joe January 16, 2012 at 11:55 am

Even climate change is iffy: what he actually did, most recently, was hedge and say something about science is important and how he's not really a scientist so whatever.

I'm just saying, there are stronger statements one might make, in support of the broad scientific consensus that global warming is a major impending problem, and that the denial industry is putting short-term industry profits over the survival of human civilization as we know it; if one actually believed such a thing and were unwilling to cynically discard that belief because of its unpopularity amongst lunatics.

MittBorg January 16, 2012 at 1:21 pm

He's changed his mind about climate change: Needz MOAR Research, he says now. Fucking hypocrite, just like the rest of them.

not that Dewey January 16, 2012 at 11:48 am

"Moderate Republican" is the name that the media (Ken?) narrative has bestowed on Huntsman, without ever defining what that means. "Moderate" used to mean "towards the center of the political spectrum, and not just the Morning Joe/Politico definition of center, but the actual center of the actual, entire political spectrum" but now apparently means "not an active advocate of trying to kill, humiliate, and/or punish everybody, just certain people". You've angered the media narrative gods with your impudent questions.

MittBorg January 16, 2012 at 1:20 pm

I don't know, but it happened to me a couple of times over the past fortnight, and both times they were THE most innocuous posts — and since you well know my penchant for both swearing and making outre statements, you can imagine my surprise when the occasional NOT-vile comment gets offed. Glitch in the filter?

jus_wonderin January 16, 2012 at 10:31 am

It's that hair. I mean, anyone with a cute flip on their white head could never be taken seriously.

Negligently_Joe January 16, 2012 at 10:34 am

Gah, whatever Intensedebate doesn't like my tone or whatever, so tl;dr let's just remember that "moderate" Huntsman was the first one to propose a Flat Tax. A Flat Tax that was comically extreme when Forbes campaigned on it in the 90's. The fact that he hedged on climate change rather than rejecting the validity of all science completely doesn't make him "moderate", just not a lunatic.

Liberals need to find actual progressive heroes, instead of projecting progressive positions onto right-wingers. Huntsman wasn't moderate, and neither is Ron Paul. It's just that the ENTIRE GOP is is extreme in slightly different ways, actually.

tessiee January 16, 2012 at 11:51 am

That's Huntsman's *actual* facebbok picture.

rocktonsam January 16, 2012 at 12:03 pm

so the Packers didn't lose yesterday?
they just "suspended" the rest of the season.

horsedreamer_1 January 16, 2012 at 7:28 pm

TOO SOON.

(& as a sexual deviant with a drinking problem who has a degree from Ripon College, an horsedreamer_1 libel, as well.)

arihaya January 16, 2012 at 12:11 pm

this means only one Moderate Republican left to vote for: Barrack Obama

natoslug January 16, 2012 at 12:16 pm

"…in large part because he believes in the wrong American Jesus"

Now this is totally unfair. Just because Mormons believe that we are all proto-gods, and that Jesus was actually part of a big loving godly family and that there are still living prophets on earth and a whole new set of scriptures that we should be following doesn't mean that they aren't just like the rest of Christianity. What's next?- denying that Muslims and Jews aren't really Christian because they have slightly different interpretations and maybe some extra crib notes from god? This is a slippery slope, people!

Oh, and Huntsman: Fuck you for endorsing Romney. What happened to the "principled" stance against the (more) racist LDS factions? Or does that only matter when you're running against someone?

MittBorg January 16, 2012 at 1:30 pm

I know your wife's a Mormon, but you're not, are you? I just have a curiousity question about the "still living prophets on earth" — what have they ever prophesied correctly? Or is it simply enough to claim that you're a living prophet without actually having to, you know, earn the title?

natoslug January 16, 2012 at 1:45 pm

I'm not, and thanks to the twin evils of rum and knowledge, my wife is no longer a Mormon either. Their prophecies these days tend to be along the lines of a fortune cookie or horoscope, so it's somewhat difficult to tell if any have ever been correct. They learned early on, after some hilariously (to me, at least) wrong prophecies to quit being specific and to throw in as many weasel words as possible. Almost as good as the prophesies are the Patriarchal Blessings, which are like your own personal lifetime prophecy ("If you submit your will to Christ and remember your tithings, the Lord will bless you with eternal riches of a spiritual nature and a loving husband/wife either here on Earth or in the Celestial Kingdom. Learn to be humble and don't forget your tithing and you will overcome all obstacles some day, for your Heavenly Father loves you and will protect you from sin and earthly pleasures. Hide not behind the wisdom of the "learned man" but be as a little child (and don't forget your 10% tithing, dammit! This is the third time this month that you've fallen short!) and you will be happy. P.S.– I'm fucking serious about your fucking tithing. Pay up or we'll dust our feet off at you.")

Living prophets earn the title by working their way up to the top levels of the LDS Ponzi, er hierarchy and being chose by a select group of old white guys in the church. Once selected, you are in charge until you die, and anything you say is to be followed without question by all members of the church. There is no higher authority, nor a question of whether you'd follow something earthly like a constitution or oath you've made to your country or whether you would follow your prophet.

MittBorg January 16, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Thank you, natoslug, and congratulations on rescuing your wife from a weird and twisted cult. I don't like how this religion gives total spiritual as well as secular authority to a select group. But all religions are weird that way, I guess. However, the last part of your comment is pretty fucking scary and ought to be public knowledge to the electorate. AFAIK, other than Roman Catholicism, no other religion requires its adherents to elevate their obedience to religious leaders above their obedience to secular authorities. Most religions concern themselves with matters that are not the province of secular authority and by and large treat secular authority as something outside of their own sphere. Henry VIII showed the Pope that secular authority has a response to those who would elevate their religious affiliations above it. It makes me uncomfortable that LDS elevates its status above that of secular authorities, and that the American electorate is not, apparently, aware of this, and finally, that an officeholder of this cult seeks the highest position of power in this hitherto secular land.

natoslug January 16, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Well, their argument is that the Prophet, Seer and Revelator of the church would never do anything that was not directed by God, so it is fine that he guides President Romney in all decision-making. Really, when has God ever been a complete dick? Show me even a single passage where He does some sort of passive-aggressive bullshit like flooding the entire earth because his slaves subjects aren't behaving as He wants or destroys a city or just tortures a devoted follower on a dare. God would never do that, and the sort of people who hear His voice on a regular basis are the calmest, kindest, most caring individuals I've ever met. Why, just look at the good works of the young prophet Loughner, helping us all understand firearms safety in such a hands-on manner. Maybe choosing leaders who are guided by people who themselves are guided by the voices in their heads is not the best choice after all . . .

SaintRond January 16, 2012 at 12:24 pm

A benign asshole isn't enough for the Base. Only a raging, feverish asshole will do.

bakenekoX January 16, 2012 at 1:39 pm

From the picture, thought maybe it was Tintin.

EloquentScience January 16, 2012 at 2:06 pm

To call Huntsman a moderate would be to call Marcus Bachmann straight.

MinAgain January 16, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Really? He endorsed Mitt? Well, that just shot my Jon Hunstman fantasy all to hell.

anniegetyerfun January 16, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Unfortunately, it takes more than good looks and a preppy white family to overcome as crippling a handicap as intelligence in the Republical primaries.

DahBoner January 17, 2012 at 9:19 am

This should give him more time to get back together with his old band Wizard.

EXCELLENT!!!!

Barb January 16, 2012 at 2:07 am

Soon it will be time for the attack ads to start.

MittBorg January 16, 2012 at 3:04 am

Awright, maybe that was tactless. I'm a nudge. Forgiven?

MittBorg January 16, 2012 at 3:10 am

And that smarmy, expensive capped smile!

Data Exactly January 16, 2012 at 4:28 am

Willard Mitchell 'Mitt' Romney in dog language is "Kill your miserable big rover."

Geminisunmars January 16, 2012 at 11:08 am

I hope it gets on tape. (or whatever recording device is used. Does one say I hope it gets on digits?)

tessiee January 16, 2012 at 11:50 am

"I'm betting on him blowing his top at some point."

The conundrum of "be a spiteful shithead" vs. "spend precious, precious money on attack ads" ought to be enough all by itself to make that gigantic marshmallow head explode.

tessiee January 16, 2012 at 12:06 pm

Yes; although you'd never get any of the Rs to admit it, that's *exactly* what it means.

MittBorg January 16, 2012 at 12:55 pm

"Suspend" means he can continue to raise funds which he can use to pay his day-to-day expenses as he "tours" the country on his bus with the picture of him on it. When the media stops giving him free airtime, then I'll believe he's actually suspending anything.

MittBorg January 16, 2012 at 12:56 pm

It's my fault. I was nudgy.

MittBorg January 16, 2012 at 1:00 pm

That's BISHOP Willard Mitt to you, bub. Did you know Romney was a bishop of his church?

MittBorg January 16, 2012 at 1:00 pm

Truly, we should all be grateful for small mercies.

MittBorg January 16, 2012 at 1:08 pm

He's actually not homophobic, at least by RWNJ standards. Probably one of the factors that dooms him with the dying tatters of the electorate that now comprises the teabaggage.

Barb January 16, 2012 at 1:12 pm

No, cross my heart, I wasn't offended. I am really working on my bucket list. When it takes 3 months to get from diagnosis to surgery you have wayyyyyy too much time on your hands and come up with all kinds of weird stuff.

Time for Monday grocery chores. See you later!

MittBorg January 16, 2012 at 1:52 pm

I thought you needed to sacrifice a small and beautiful creature for that. No? My bad.

Negropolis January 16, 2012 at 11:40 pm

There are but three things I've never really fogiven him for, and that was one of the three.

MittBorg January 16, 2012 at 2:09 pm

OK, darlz. Thanks. Hug.

Swampgas_Man January 16, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Does Newt HAVE anything up his ass but attack ads? It's not like he can point to his own positives.

Chet Kincaid January 16, 2012 at 6:45 pm

Have you seen Cain on air at all since he "suspended"? The media seems to have dropped him like a toy they've huffed all the catnip out of.

horsedreamer_1 January 16, 2012 at 7:24 pm

HSTRnet.

MittBorg January 16, 2012 at 7:24 pm

I don't have TV, so I wouldn't have seen him anyway, but I hear he's been on a couple of Fox shows. Raw Story ran a piece about his 9-9-9 Tour sometime over the past two weeks, and I think HuffPoop also. Surprising that they would have dropped him, just when the sexual scandals were getting serious airtime, and America sure does love her sexual scandals. I wonder if he suspended his campaign simply to force them to stop reporting on the sex scandals?

Data Exactly January 16, 2012 at 7:49 pm

Bishop in dog language regularly gets confused with 'Bitch', so they just choose to ignore that…

MittBorg January 16, 2012 at 9:22 pm

As long as you don't take my hong bao.

not that Dewey January 17, 2012 at 9:12 am

Sorry. I'll be more careful in the future.

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