game show hosts

Unloved Moderate Mormon Millionaire Dropping Out of GOP Race

Jon Huntsman or Mitt Romney or ... SID FRENCHMAN?Citing widespread evidence that Republicans don’t love him because he would basically govern like Barack Obama, an unloved moderate Mormon millionaire will drop out of the Republican presidential contest today. Despite many endorsements, lots of money, a handsome appearance and an attractive family of preppy white people, the candidate has never been embraced by GOP primary voters — in large part because he believes in the wrong American Jesus. The candidate will endorse the other unloved moderate Mormon millionaire currently doing better in the caucus/primary tally.

The Los Angeles Times reports:

Jon Huntsman Jr. will end his run for the Republican presidential nomination and endorse longtime rival Mitt Romney on Monday, a Huntsman campaign source said Sunday night.

Huntsman, a former Utah governor, quit his post last year as President Obama’s ambassador to China to make a surprise entry into the 2012 race. But that diplomatic credential wound up working to his disadvantage in a Republican contest driven largely by the party’s desire to unseat the Democratic incumbent in the White House.

Ha, wow, who could’ve foreseen that?

There are three differences between Huntsman and Romney, all relatively minor: Huntsman speaks Chinese while Romney speaks French, Huntsman is super rich while Romney is one of the world’s richest men, and Huntsman hasn’t spent the past thirty years running for president the way Romney has. It is this latter point, pundits say, that draws the clearest contrast between the two unloved moderate Mormon millionaires.

His decision to drop out came on the eve of a potentially decisive round of debates and primary voting in South Carolina and Florida, with Romney poised to lock up the nomination. It is unlikely that Huntsman’s endorsement will have a significant effect, given his anemic support from GOP voters.

There is probably a Martin Luther King Jr. joke in here, somewhere, involving the Mormons’ long history of segregating black people (in Hell), but such a joke is also probably too anemic to make any difference, ultimately. [LAT/USA Today]

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne
What Others Are Reading

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here with a few helpful links to ease your transition to Disqus - Claiming Old Accounts - Claiming Your ID Comments - Turning off Disqus Notifications. And, as always, remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • DrunkIrishman

    Huntsman also has a soul…Romney is just a robot.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      It's not a very *nice* soul, but yes.

      • Swampgas_Man

        Romney has filet of soul.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          I wouldn't rate it *that* highly, darlz. Basement Cat gives RMONEY SOUL five severed bloody thumbs down and a rating of: tough tag-ends, suitable for stewing.

    • WIDTAP

      Romney dreams of electronic sheep.

      • tessiee

        Do interior decorator androids dream of eclectic sheep?

      • Nostrildamus

        Rick Perry dreams of inflatable sheep.

    • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

      Turing says "Gotcha!"

    • hagajim

      Ahh – but will Johnny lend his magic undies to Mittens – for luck?

  • flamingpdog

    Jon Huntsman had a dream, but it got shot down too.

    • Negropolis

      Too soon. :(

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Forever.

    • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

      Gingrich: "I have been to the muffin-top!"

    • GOPCrusher

      He dreams of day when a man can be judged as a man, instead of the type of underwear he wears.

  • Barb

    His sin was working for Obama. He will never be forgiven for that.

    • flamingpdog

      Maybe Barry can offer him the ambassadorship to Dumbfuckistan.

      • ElPinche

        You mean Texas? I thought Perry was already Ambassador of Niggerhead?

      • Biff

        Or U-beckibeckibeckistanstan?

    • ttommyunger

      The fact that he is charismatically challenged might have something to do with it as well. He exudes all of the enthusiasm of a man desperately fighting sleep.

      • tessiee

        "He exudes all of the enthusiasm of a man desperately fighting sleep."

        In contrast to Liebermann, who I think may actually *be* desperately fighting sleep.

        • C_R_Eature

          I think that Lieberman may actually be desperately fighting Consciousness.

    • http://www.wonkette.com BelleSC

      Not by the Republicans anyway.

  • SorosBot

    This is news for incredibly boring white people; for everyone else, it's "John who?"

    • flamingpdog

      Actually, it's "Jon who?", but for everyone else, yeah.

      • DrunkIrishman

        JERRY: Except Jon is spelled with an H. J-O-H-N.

        GEORGE: So?

        JERRY: Doesn't Jon Voight spell his name J-O-N?

        GEORGE: So, what are you saying?

        JERRY: Nothing. I'm sure "Jon" probably mispelled his own name. I know sometimes I spell Jerry with a G…and an I!

    • snackypants

      This is good news for John McCain?

    • http://www.wonkette.com smokefillednewyear

      White People Problems.

  • Barb

    Who will be next? I think Newt is too much of a blowhard to drop out just yet. Santorum should just go ahead and concede to Mitt Rob-me.

    • MissTaken

      Santorum got the evangelical yeehaw this weekend so he ain't going anywhere. Too bad, I was looking forward to my monitor being Santorum-free for a bit. Guess I need to stock up on windex, again.

      • snackypants

        I use a squeegee when my monitor gets spattered with Santorum.

        • Biff

          On the inside?

      • Gainsbourg69

        I'm glad he's not going anywhere. Him staying in the race means that Romney has to tack further to the right. And the futher right he goes the crazier he has to sound in order to apease the knuckle dragers in the republican base. By the time the campaigning for the general starts, Romney will have flipped and flopped on every single issue.

    • HempDogbane

      So far it has been Trump, Pawlenty, Gary Johnson, One-L and now Huntsman quitting. Paul won't quit, Perry's backers won't let him, Newt is too stubborn (and needs to sell a few more books). That leaves President Santorum in the mix.

      • snackypants

        You forgot about Herman 9-9-9 Cain!

        • Barb

          Snackypants, he's easily forgettable.

          • snackypants

            Barb, I wish I could forget the entire 2012 election cycle already. There aren't enough gin and tonics in the world, however.

          • Barb

            Soon it will be time for the attack ads to start.

        • Guppy

          I thought he "suspended" his campaign rather than drop out.

          • HempDogbane

            You're right, I did forget Cain, but he'll be back again for at least a day. Trump'll be back a couple times before November. And Gary Johnson is now an Independent. They're like dogshit on your shoe – you can wipe it clean but the smell stays all day.

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            "Suspend" is the face-saving euphemism for "discontinue", as true for products (remember the Mac Cube?) as for candidates.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            "Suspend" means he can continue to raise funds which he can use to pay his day-to-day expenses as he "tours" the country on his bus with the picture of him on it. When the media stops giving him free airtime, then I'll believe he's actually suspending anything.

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            Have you seen Cain on air at all since he "suspended"? The media seems to have dropped him like a toy they've huffed all the catnip out of.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            I don't have TV, so I wouldn't have seen him anyway, but I hear he's been on a couple of Fox shows. Raw Story ran a piece about his 9-9-9 Tour sometime over the past two weeks, and I think HuffPoop also. Surprising that they would have dropped him, just when the sexual scandals were getting serious airtime, and America sure does love her sexual scandals. I wonder if he suspended his campaign simply to force them to stop reporting on the sex scandals?

      • Biff

        Where's Buddy Roemer?

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Sending me regular emails and Tweets, why do you ask?

    • Guppy

      I'm thinking Newt will be distracted by a cupcake somewhere and forget about this whole "running for office" thing.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      I like calling him Bishop Willard "Mitt" RMONEY. I think that suits him.

      • Barb

        Loving the new name and avatar, my friend!

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Thank you, darlz! (kisses the pretty lady)

          See, *some* people read taglines. I had to sit out in the garden and eat worms anaconda some people wouldn't read mine and had the noive to call me on the change.

          Three weeks to go. Don't forget to tell Jeffer to log in and post as soon as it's all over.

          • Barb

            Yeah, I am working on writing my bucket list now.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Awright, maybe that was tactless. I'm a nudge. Forgiven?

    • Negropolis

      It's actually hard to imagine any of those remaining dropping out.

      Perry's too stupid and not classy enough to know when to leave.

      Santorum is on a holy war from God.

      Newt's in it for revenge and speaking fees, and only when his suicide attack on Romney starts to affect his going rate will he even consider dropping out.

      Who does that leave? Did I get them all?

      Oh, and Ron Paul is the honey badger of American politics: he just doesn't give a shit either way, bless his heart.

      • HempDogbane

        Ron/Rand Paul will be running for the next 40 years.

        • tessiee

          So will Newt.

      • Barb

        NegroP, do you think Newt will escalate with the Romney attacks?

        • Negropolis

          So long as they don't cut into his speaking fees/book selling; yeah. It's a good question, though, and I'm not 100% sure. It depends on whether his need for petty revenge and spite outweighs his digusting avarice.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Where "bless his heart" = DIAF

  • SorosBot

    But really, compared to Huntsman Mittens has always been a whiter shade of pale (yes I will milk this reference for all it's worth).

    • Biff

      OxyMormon.

  • SexySmurf

    I didn't even know he was running.

    • flamingpdog

      Apparently neither did anybody else.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        GodDAMNit, pdog, every time I go to say something tonight, you've already said it. Will ya STOP reading my mind already?

        • flamingpdog

          You just got to stay up to midnight, MBorg. I guess Ken Layne couldn't sleep last night, either.

    • http://www.wonkette.com smokefillednewyear

      Santorum is running. Like a faucet.

  • Barb

    Good to see you, Flaming.
    I believe that Newt is on some sort of payback mission. His wife is completely unlikable and I don't ever want to see her in the White House.

    • flamingpdog

      If Newt won the Presidency, Callista would the first First Lady to donate her inaugural ball hairdo to the Smithsonian instead of her inaugural ball dress. Fortunately for the curatorial staff, the hairdo would already be saturated with preservative.

      • Barb

        I've seen Weebles with more natural looking hair.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        If, godforbid, Newt won the Presidency, I would recommend mass murder-suicide for those not into serious S&M/B&D.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      I don't particularly like her myself, but I'm interested in why you consider her unlikeable.

      • Barb

        These are not my own words. This person lives in my mind though.
        Why I do not like Mrs. Gingrich:
        This woman was giving Newt blowjobs in his car while he was still married to the wife she was soon to replace, and is now turning her self into a circus sideshow freak with extensive plastic surgery, in a desperate attempt to hang onto the fat, pasty white son-of-a-bitch, because she is afraid of losing him to a younger version of herself with looser morals and tighter skin!

        How could we NOT make fun of the fact that SHE is what the Republicans are trying to pass off as worthy of being the First Lady of this country?

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          I can't argue with any of that.

          I certainly couldn't have phrased it as you did. I've never liked her, but never known how to put it in words. And yes, it is scandalous that anyone could possibly consider her a fit candidate for First Lady. Maybe that sounds a little prudish, but even though the position has little real power, I just don't think anyone holding that office should be someone that you don't want your kids to grow up to be like.

        • WIDTAP

          So the lesson here is take the blowjobs, but don't marry the bitch?

        • Negropolis

          You know, I don't quite come from the angle about someone being "worthy" of being First Lady or not, because, it not be an office you run for, I'm not sure how any political spouse is more or less deserving of such an office, but I will tell you what bothers me about Callista. Callista is the living embodiement and reminder of the worst of Gingrich's vices.

          Maybe, he is a changed man. Maybe, she's a changed woman. Maybe, he is, as he says, too old to run around, anymore. And, you know, if he had other virtues and wasn't preaching against the fault of other humans (and sometimes, not even faults, but the inherent charateristics and qualities of people different than himself), maybe his personal history of vices wouldn't be an issue. But, given his performance this time around, I don't see any reason to believe anything else he's said. I see a man playing for the cameras, and when that got to hard revealing his old self, again.

          The best thing Newt could have done was to have stayed in the background and keep whatever tatters he had left of his reputation and legacy.

          You know, I look at how he and Bill diverged after each of their scandals, and it's night and day. Bill looks to be as reformed an individual as any philanderer can get; he honestly looks like he did some deep soul searching. The results of that can never be known for sure by anyone but himself, but there is at least strong evidence for him having found his way back on track in his personal life. You can tell even from just the 2008 race that he'd have his girl's back in a minute. Gingrich? I still get this vibe off the guy that if the tough really got going, again, he'd drop Callista in a hot minute.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            It's a sad fact of life, but true, that when you are in the running for ANY kind of position of power, your spouse is too. And Mrs. Gingrich is the kind of woman that, a hundred years ago, would not have been "received" in the house of any person who cared about their reputation. We no longer have a sense of shame, as a people, but she is still not the kind of person you would invite to dinner for the pleasure of her company.

        • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

          Can you imagine if Michelle Obama had been an adulteress? We'd never hear the end of it from the "family values" people.

          • horsedreamer_1

            They would call her "First Chickenhead". Sexist, hypocritical, & a little bit racist.

        • not that Dewey

          Okay. Can we stop talking about Newt's blowjobs now?

        • MissNancyPriss

          How come "extensive plastic surgery" did not translate to "new nose"?

        • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

          I've always felt that women should have curves, not angles. There's just no way I can imagine her enjoying sex, and no way in hell I'm going to even try imagining Newt and sex.

  • flamingpdog

    Jon Huntsman on the phone to Tim Pawlenty Sunday night: "Tim, I'm calling you because you have experience in dropping out because you had no support and the money ran out. Do you have any advice on how I should handle my withdrawal announcement?"

    Pawlenty: Well, Jim, if I were you, I'd

    Huntsman: "zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…"

    • ElPinche

      Hahahaha. I almost forgot about Tim P..zzZzzzzzzZzZZzzz zzz zZzz

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        That unloved moderate boring millionare just can't catch a zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

  • nounverb911

    "Unloved Moderate Mormon Millionaire Dropping Out of GOP Race"
    All of them, Katie?

  • Attila_T_Hun

    Lesson for future Republican candidates: Speaking Chinese is worse than speaking French, which is worse than denying the Bible has always been written in English.

    • flamingpdog

      Quite true, but Prezdint Dubya spoke Messican, and it didn't seem to hurt his election chances. How the Rethuglic Party has changed even since 2000!

      • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

        He spoke Messican the way a ranch owner talks to the ranch hands. That's totally okay. If he made any gesture toward muting his faux Texan accent, he would have flunked out of the primaries.

        • tessiee

          "He spoke Messican the way a ranch owner talks to the ranch hands."

          I used to think of it as "Peggy Hill Spanish".

          • horsedreamer_1

            Los estudiantes son mis ah-muh-gosh.

    • elfgoldsackring

      Well, sure. Chinese ain't even written in English, for Pete's sake!

    • Negropolis

      Hell, they'll call it heresy if you don't admit that the Bible was originally written in American. "English" is that elitist, godless language they speak across the pond, dontcha' know.

      • LiveToServeYa

        Jessie James Version, yes.

  • flamingpdog

    Slightly OT, but I just now Googled "Romney" and this came up sixth on my list.

    • Barb

      Yes, inspired by his poor dog.

      • ElPinche

        damnation..you beat me!

        • http://www.wonkette.com smokefillednewyear

          Poor Shittin' Seamus. Seriously, if you get weird when your dog jumps on your couch or on your bed, and couldn't possibly imagine him/her in your car (!), you shouldn't have a fucking dog.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            I just have trouble believing any human being could stick the FAMILY PET on top of the car. Would it have killed him to have Ann drive another car with a couple of the kids in it? To have rented/bought/borrowed a larger car? I just cannot even imagine doing that to any animal, let alone a domestic animal, let alone your goddamned family fucking pet.

          • Data Exactly

            Willard Mitchell 'Mitt' Romney in dog language is "Kill your miserable big rover."

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            That's BISHOP Willard Mitt to you, bub. Did you know Romney was a bishop of his church?

          • Data Exactly

            Bishop in dog language regularly gets confused with 'Bitch', so they just choose to ignore that…

          • ElPinche

            At least he didn't put one of his slaves in a cage on the family truckster.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Truly, we should all be grateful for small mercies.

    • hagajim

      Do you need to Romney before or after you have Santorum?

  • MissTaken

    This is a sad day for all moderate Mormon millionaires

    • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

      All of them, Katie?

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      Today we are all moderate Mormon millionaires.

    • LiveToServeYa

      They'll be in a bar, crying into their beer tea soda water.

    • tessiee

      Not sad enough.
      Mittens ain't going anywhere just yet.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        More's the pity.

  • DarwinianDemon

    "Moderate"? "Govern the same as Obama"? Uh…didn't Huntsman endorse Ryan's voucher plan calling it a great step forward?

    • flamingpdog

      Shhhh, he's a Secret Modlim.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Before anyone else except Ryan himself.

    • Negropolis

      Are you sure he didn't call it the Great Leap Forward?

    • LiveToServeYa

      Ken meant 'moderate as compared to Michele Bachmann, Rick Santorum, or Attila the Hun.'

  • Barb

    Has everyone seen the newest Colbert Super PAC ad: http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-v

    • flamingpdog

      Needz moar Frances McDormand.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        You leave my Sekrit Hunny ALONE!!

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    At last, our long national nightmare is over.

    We now know that there is no chance the Republicans will nominate a somewhat rational, thoughtful person who might actually work at leading this country and not protecting the rich.

    • Negropolis

      …who might actually work at leading this country and not protecting the rich.

      Ummm…but that's exactly what Huntsman wanted to do: protect the rich. I don't know why some smart people don't see that just because he said it with a smile and an indoor voice. This guy was easily the most corporatist of the candidates. The most for-corporate candidate in the race. All that energy he didn't use in hawking social issues he put into hawking the oh-so-tired GOP plan to further shred the already tattered social safety net.

      Let's not get it twisted. This guy would have been businesses' first choice if he had had higher name recognition. The only reason they are betting on Romney is because they know more about him, and he's had years to court them.

      Jonny is not our friend. He is not a "moderate", on net.

      • DarwinianDemon

        Yeah, but if you show up, remain upright and pantsed and don't smear feces on yourself you are a winner in Republican Land

        • Negropolis

          I don't know. Sounds like it makes you a leader in liberal land, 'cause the schlubs over there sure didn't seem to like him enough to actually vote for him. Romney's still out there doing the "Romney Smash!" routine with the outdoor voice and stern frown, and they eat that shit up with a spoon.

          • DarwinianDemon

            Not just the Republicans. Candy Crowley was on CNN this morning repeating asshole Romney's line about all jobs lost from January 20, 2009 thru now being Obama's fault. She cited a poll that said Americans trust Romney more than Obama on the economy. My esophagus is going to be plain worn away from all the vomiting by the time the election rolls around.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        I've never for one minute fooled myself about what lies beneath that facile, smarmy facade.

    • Geminisunmars

      "We now know" — I think we knew that going in.

    • tessiee

      "We now know that there is no chance the Republicans will nominate a somewhat rational, thoughtful person who might actually work at leading this country and not protecting the rich."

      …Which is a good start, except that I'm by no means convinced that just because they're neither rational nor thoughtful, they couldn't actually win.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefillednewyear

    I want a Mormon duel! A fight to the death with a Sears Catalog!

  • SorosBot

    Well, I'm about ready to go to bed and so am ready to do something evil, and wondering if anyone is feeling some skyrockets in flight – Afternoon Delight

    now you've got a sing the makes Friday look like a work of genius stuck in your heads; enjoy!

    • Barb

      Damn you!
      Wait, this is a song about the naughty naked nooner. All hail midday sexy time!

    • MissTaken

      Stop The Insanity!

    • flamingpdog

      Pure evil, Soros, puuuuuure evil.
      And I didn't even click on the link.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Be grateful.

    • http://www.eloquentscience.com EloquentScience

      I didn't know that Alan Colmes was in the Starland Vocal Band!

    • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

      Earworms like that give me Ninety-Six Tears.

    • LiveToServeYa

      Hey, isn't that the new Romney campaign song? As smooth as fried buttah!

    • tessiee

      That song will always remind me of the afternoon delights I used to share with a certain guy. As earworms go, it's one of my favorites.

    • http://www.eloquentscience.com EloquentScience

      Is that Alan Colmes in that video? I didn't know he was a member of Starland Vocal Band!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      I used to love you, you know.

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    Ah, so the all-mormon ticket is ready to rumble.

    It's different, I'll give 'em that. They'll be destroyed in the election, of course (Insh'allah) but it's different.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefillednewyear

    Comment deleted by drunken user

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Already Lunar New Year, lor. Fai ti le ma! Change the tagline or the av!

      • http://www.wonkette.com smokefillednewyear

        1/23, no?

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Maybe Singaporeans celebrating early lor? Already got my hong bao* from my Chinese friends.

          *And, for the non-pudong_hua speakers, ang pao.

          • http://www.wonkette.com smokefillednewyear

            Whatever, lor. I'm not Asian. But I'll take your word for it.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            As long as you don't take my hong bao.

  • Radiotherapy

    I'm going to miss his accusation that the EPA are regulatory terrorists.

    • DarwinianDemon

      *sing song* Moooooderate!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      He said that? Geez. The "reasonable, sane, 'sciency'" candidate.

      • Negropolis

        He was that until he found he was getting nowhere in the polls. He said that in one of the earlier debates, and then went even further as he stagnated by switching his position that human-induced climate change was obvious – even poking fun at the other candidates that denied it – to the position that we don't know enough to know.

        • DarwinianDemon

          So he hates the EPA, would get rid of the Department of Education, wants to repeal ObamaCare, approves of getting rid of Medicare and says he would vote for the Ryan Budget. But aside from that, he is totes just like Obama. Except maybe less morally weak.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Is "morally weak" = "blah"?

          • tessiee

            Yes; although you'd never get any of the Rs to admit it, that's *exactly* what it means.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          When I heard him state that we need more research on the subject, after having stated clearly that clmate change was man-made, he completely lost the last little grain of respect I had for him. The one thing that I still respected about the guy was that at least insofar as the science of climate change was concerned, he accepted the current scientific consensus and was willing to take heat for his position.

          And now this.

          • DarwinianDemon

            Just another stooge to polish Mitt's nickel plated robo-ass.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            And that smarmy, expensive capped smile!

          • Guppy

            It's a slippery slope. Start believing in climate change, and next thing you know you'll start believing that it's OK to be gay and that teens actually have sex. Science is a bitch like that.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            He's actually not homophobic, at least by RWNJ standards. Probably one of the factors that dooms him with the dying tatters of the electorate that now comprises the teabaggage.

    • Biff

      Guess he doesn't give a shit what happens to Bryce Canyon?

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        I'm beginning to think that not a single one of these sorry motherfuckers gives a flying shit about anybody except their own sweet selves.

        • flamingpdog

          Game, set, match!

  • Negropolis

    Silly Jon-boy. Didn't he watch Mormon Highlander? There can be only ONE.

    I'm sure Colbert trumpetting for many nights in a row that he was beating him in South Carolina couldn't have done a lot for his ego.

    Alas, Jonny, the only thing that set you apart – knowing Mandarin – won't help you in that party. I don't know how you thought that would work in a party whose base is rank racists, xenophobes, and other assorted bigots.

  • Barb

    I'm watching the History Channel and Larry the Cable Guy is going to visit with the Palins. That's going to be a real Algonquin round table.

    • Negropolis

      I'm watching PBS, and it's an hour-long documentary on the life of Benazir Bhutto. So, yeah, Larry the Cable Guy can go eat dirt for all I care. lol

      • not that Dewey

        Is she still dead?

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Why, has there been a zombie outbreak in Pakistan?

          • not that Dewey

            I was trying to summon Neilist.
            http://www.google.com/search?q=neilist+benazir+bh

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            I thought you needed to sacrifice a small and beautiful creature for that. No? My bad.

          • Negropolis

            There are but three things I've never really fogiven him for, and that was one of the three.

          • not that Dewey

            Sorry. I'll be more careful in the future.

    • Biff

      Oh for fuck's sake.

    • SorosBot

      Shouldn't the "History" Channel be officially adding air-quotes to its' title when showing crap like that?

      • http://www.wonkette.com Pres.VerminSupreme

        Pretty soon it will change its name to something like THC (see what I did there), since there is increasingly little history on The History Channel. Just like The Learning Channel changed its name to TLC after they became an all midget-reality-show station.

        • not that Dewey

          That's an unfair characterization! They have some non-midget programming, such as shows about people burying themselves in crap, raiding other people's storage lockers, or making cupcakes. Learning!

      • tessiee

        Well, Larry the preppy sure as hell isn't comedy.

      • rocktonsam

        since the Palin's are history, title seems apt in this case.

    • C_R_Eature

      What…did they run out of stories about Hitler, about Aliens, about Hitler using Alien technology in his Secret Nazi Flying Saucer program, About Hitler going back in time to try to convince the Aliens to carve swastikas in the Plains of Nazca…
      about a secret group raising clones of Hitler in Brazil (no, that was a movie).
      "History" Channel. Humph.
      I hope that If you did have to watch this monstrousity, you had an ample supply of Nitrous Oxide gas and a Vomit bag.

      • Radiotherapy

        I guess they went from Hitler to the Palins.

    • tessiee

      I do like the implication that Larry and the Palins are history, though.

    • http://sickrantorum.com KenLayIsAlive

      You misspelled "bunch of fucking idiots" but I see what you mean.

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    When the one sane candidate drops out, a sorry indictment of the rest …

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      He's not sane. He just plays one on TV.

      • Negropolis

        WIN!

  • DocChaos

    Another difference; that in spite of being a wingnut, Huntsman seems to have some personal integrity, and that's why he's not the Mormon who's going to be the nominee.

  • enkalitah

    Hey…Romney Jr endorsed Romney. See you in 2016.

  • Extemporanus

    GET A BAIN MORMANS!

    • fuflans

      well that should be coming back through most of 2012.

      well done.

  • http://www.stumbleupon.com/stumbler/cheaphits/reviews cheaphits

    I did like him saying to he would legalize…except when the rubber met the road, i.e. after the election it would have been forgotten.

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    Not as far as I can tell. I just got a new Twitter follower who's a Roemerbot.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefillednewyear

    GOP: 'Moderation' in the front. Party in the shitter!

  • BarackMyWorld

    Your move, Perry.

    • Negropolis

      And, if he doesn't willingly move – and I have reason to believe that he may not being a quarter cow, and all – I say someone makes him walk the plank.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Arrr!

        • Negropolis

          Moo!

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            Nay, lad, neigh!

    • horsedreamer_1

      I don't care what Katy's parents say; no way Tebow chooses the bicurious chanteuse over Lindsey Vonn.

  • Data Exactly

    Wow, he got Wonkette to post on a Sunday for dropping out?!? Not even every candidate on stage gets that kind of treatment, but he did merely by dropping out of the election all together! I'd never expect that, but here we are, at the crossroads of inevitability and Monolithic Mitt. It's a rough road from here on. No room for a moderate.

  • Come here a minute

    Huntsman was a lame candidate — he didn't have three unnameable departments to eliminate or a stupid number-number-number tax plan that would cut taxes on people like him, and raise them for the lucky duckies who earn too little to pay federal income tax. Where's the humor?

  • salt_bagel

    Sid HOFFMAN.

    • http://wonkette.com Ken Layne

      Hahahahahah well at least somebody is willing to admit they got that alt-text reference.

  • freakishlywrong

    Well fuck. NOW who am I gonna vote fer?

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Maybe Lou Sarah will toss her chainsaw in the ring?

    • flamingpdog

      All of them, Katie!

      (Well, it used to work in Chicago.)

  • finallyhappy

    I think Perry is a winner fersure!- I just heard on tv that he is defending the Marines who urinated on the dead guys- and that the President hates America because he issued aa statement saying the urination was wrong.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Fuck me. I know I'm gonna go Google this and every word of it will be true. Where's the booze, pills, and injectables when ya need 'em?

    • GOPCrusher

      Well you know, George Patton pissed in the Rhine River and Winston Churchill pissed on the Atlantic Wall, so pissing on corpses is the same thing.

  • ttommyunger

    Short version: Daddy decided to cut his losses.

    • Negropolis

      Ain't that the truth. From your mouth to Angel Moroni's ears, sir.

      • ttommyunger

        Right! Be interested to hear your take on the MLK Memorial Monument.

    • Come here a minute

      Couldn't be — as a purely ethical candidate, Ambassador Huntsman had NO COORDINATION with daddy and his SUPERPAC.

      • ttommyunger

        Thanks, I needed a laugh!

  • GorzoTheMighty

    Those with magic underware stick together!

    • Negropolis

      There's a fabric softener for that, I'm sure.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      And why they do that, we'd better not say.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Well this should help Willard carry the Mormon vote in the Palmetto State – all six of them.

    • http://www.wonkette.com BelleSC

      I might have even parked my butt in a church down here yesterday just so I could hear what was being "advised" to voters here. Would have been interesting.

      Nah, hardly worth it. We'll see what happens on the 21st. I'll be glad to see the lot of them gone especially if they take Nikki Haley with them.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        What's Haley looking like on the approval numbers these days? State still in lerve wif the teagaggers, or common sense returning to the blood-starved brain?

  • Bluestatelibel

    For a rich son of a bitch, he at least sounded vaguely human when he spoke, what a shame he's dropping out.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Yeah, my heart pumps pure piss for him.

  • LiveToServeYa

    I guess the Knights of the Holy Underpants will have to shoulder on with only a single ..ah.. member. 'We can't give it up, now! … Well, when *can* we give it up?"

  • chascates

    His daughters should have made topless videos to gain buzz. Hell, they still can!

    • horsedreamer_1

      I'd show them my Salamander.

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Negligently_Joe

    Why are none of my comments posting?? bluh

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Negligently_Joe

    Can someone explain what word might be auto-deleting my rant about how Huntsman isn't actually all that moderate, here? I didn't even use the etardray word, which required much more restraint than you could possibly know.

    • teebob2000

      He's not at all moderate in most issues that *actually* matter. He just happens to believe in evolution and climate change which puts him so far outside the GOP mainstream dogma on those VERY important issues that he's considered unelectable from the right.

      • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Negligently_Joe

        Even climate change is iffy: what he actually did, most recently, was hedge and say something about science is important and how he's not really a scientist so whatever.

        I'm just saying, there are stronger statements one might make, in support of the broad scientific consensus that global warming is a major impending problem, and that the denial industry is putting short-term industry profits over the survival of human civilization as we know it; if one actually believed such a thing and were unwilling to cynically discard that belief because of its unpopularity amongst lunatics.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        He's changed his mind about climate change: Needz MOAR Research, he says now. Fucking hypocrite, just like the rest of them.

    • not that Dewey

      "Moderate Republican" is the name that the media (Ken?) narrative has bestowed on Huntsman, without ever defining what that means. "Moderate" used to mean "towards the center of the political spectrum, and not just the Morning Joe/Politico definition of center, but the actual center of the actual, entire political spectrum" but now apparently means "not an active advocate of trying to kill, humiliate, and/or punish everybody, just certain people". You've angered the media narrative gods with your impudent questions.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      I don't know, but it happened to me a couple of times over the past fortnight, and both times they were THE most innocuous posts — and since you well know my penchant for both swearing and making outre statements, you can imagine my surprise when the occasional NOT-vile comment gets offed. Glitch in the filter?

  • jus_wonderin

    It's that hair. I mean, anyone with a cute flip on their white head could never be taken seriously.

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Negligently_Joe

    Gah, whatever Intensedebate doesn't like my tone or whatever, so tl;dr let's just remember that "moderate" Huntsman was the first one to propose a Flat Tax. A Flat Tax that was comically extreme when Forbes campaigned on it in the 90's. The fact that he hedged on climate change rather than rejecting the validity of all science completely doesn't make him "moderate", just not a lunatic.

    Liberals need to find actual progressive heroes, instead of projecting progressive positions onto right-wingers. Huntsman wasn't moderate, and neither is Ron Paul. It's just that the ENTIRE GOP is is extreme in slightly different ways, actually.

  • tessiee

    That's Huntsman's *actual* facebbok picture.

  • rocktonsam

    so the Packers didn't lose yesterday?
    they just "suspended" the rest of the season.

    • horsedreamer_1

      TOO SOON.

      (& as a sexual deviant with a drinking problem who has a degree from Ripon College, an horsedreamer_1 libel, as well.)

  • arihaya

    this means only one Moderate Republican left to vote for: Barrack Obama

  • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

    "…in large part because he believes in the wrong American Jesus"

    Now this is totally unfair. Just because Mormons believe that we are all proto-gods, and that Jesus was actually part of a big loving godly family and that there are still living prophets on earth and a whole new set of scriptures that we should be following doesn't mean that they aren't just like the rest of Christianity. What's next?- denying that Muslims and Jews aren't really Christian because they have slightly different interpretations and maybe some extra crib notes from god? This is a slippery slope, people!

    Oh, and Huntsman: Fuck you for endorsing Romney. What happened to the "principled" stance against the (more) racist LDS factions? Or does that only matter when you're running against someone?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      I know your wife's a Mormon, but you're not, are you? I just have a curiousity question about the "still living prophets on earth" — what have they ever prophesied correctly? Or is it simply enough to claim that you're a living prophet without actually having to, you know, earn the title?

      • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

        I'm not, and thanks to the twin evils of rum and knowledge, my wife is no longer a Mormon either. Their prophecies these days tend to be along the lines of a fortune cookie or horoscope, so it's somewhat difficult to tell if any have ever been correct. They learned early on, after some hilariously (to me, at least) wrong prophecies to quit being specific and to throw in as many weasel words as possible. Almost as good as the prophesies are the Patriarchal Blessings, which are like your own personal lifetime prophecy ("If you submit your will to Christ and remember your tithings, the Lord will bless you with eternal riches of a spiritual nature and a loving husband/wife either here on Earth or in the Celestial Kingdom. Learn to be humble and don't forget your tithing and you will overcome all obstacles some day, for your Heavenly Father loves you and will protect you from sin and earthly pleasures. Hide not behind the wisdom of the "learned man" but be as a little child (and don't forget your 10% tithing, dammit! This is the third time this month that you've fallen short!) and you will be happy. P.S.– I'm fucking serious about your fucking tithing. Pay up or we'll dust our feet off at you.")

        Living prophets earn the title by working their way up to the top levels of the LDS Ponzi, er hierarchy and being chose by a select group of old white guys in the church. Once selected, you are in charge until you die, and anything you say is to be followed without question by all members of the church. There is no higher authority, nor a question of whether you'd follow something earthly like a constitution or oath you've made to your country or whether you would follow your prophet.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Thank you, natoslug, and congratulations on rescuing your wife from a weird and twisted cult. I don't like how this religion gives total spiritual as well as secular authority to a select group. But all religions are weird that way, I guess. However, the last part of your comment is pretty fucking scary and ought to be public knowledge to the electorate. AFAIK, other than Roman Catholicism, no other religion requires its adherents to elevate their obedience to religious leaders above their obedience to secular authorities. Most religions concern themselves with matters that are not the province of secular authority and by and large treat secular authority as something outside of their own sphere. Henry VIII showed the Pope that secular authority has a response to those who would elevate their religious affiliations above it. It makes me uncomfortable that LDS elevates its status above that of secular authorities, and that the American electorate is not, apparently, aware of this, and finally, that an officeholder of this cult seeks the highest position of power in this hitherto secular land.

          • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

            Well, their argument is that the Prophet, Seer and Revelator of the church would never do anything that was not directed by God, so it is fine that he guides President Romney in all decision-making. Really, when has God ever been a complete dick? Show me even a single passage where He does some sort of passive-aggressive bullshit like flooding the entire earth because his slaves subjects aren't behaving as He wants or destroys a city or just tortures a devoted follower on a dare. God would never do that, and the sort of people who hear His voice on a regular basis are the calmest, kindest, most caring individuals I've ever met. Why, just look at the good works of the young prophet Loughner, helping us all understand firearms safety in such a hands-on manner. Maybe choosing leaders who are guided by people who themselves are guided by the voices in their heads is not the best choice after all . . .

  • SaintRond

    A benign asshole isn't enough for the Base. Only a raging, feverish asshole will do.

  • bakenekoX

    From the picture, thought maybe it was Tintin.

  • http://www.eloquentscience.com EloquentScience

    To call Huntsman a moderate would be to call Marcus Bachmann straight.

  • MinAgain

    Really? He endorsed Mitt? Well, that just shot my Jon Hunstman fantasy all to hell.

  • anniegetyerfun

    Unfortunately, it takes more than good looks and a preppy white family to overcome as crippling a handicap as intelligence in the Republical primaries.

  • DahBoner

    This should give him more time to get back together with his old band Wizard.

    EXCELLENT!!!!

  • Geminisunmars

    I hope it gets on tape. (or whatever recording device is used. Does one say I hope it gets on digits?)

  • tessiee

    "I'm betting on him blowing his top at some point."

    The conundrum of "be a spiteful shithead" vs. "spend precious, precious money on attack ads" ought to be enough all by itself to make that gigantic marshmallow head explode.

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    It's my fault. I was nudgy.

  • Barb

    No, cross my heart, I wasn't offended. I am really working on my bucket list. When it takes 3 months to get from diagnosis to surgery you have wayyyyyy too much time on your hands and come up with all kinds of weird stuff.

    Time for Monday grocery chores. See you later!

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

    OK, darlz. Thanks. Hug.

  • Swampgas_Man

    Does Newt HAVE anything up his ass but attack ads? It's not like he can point to his own positives.

  • horsedreamer_1

    HSTRnet.