in a world of pure imagination

Romney and Gingrich Have Black Fathers, Says Crazy Birther

James David Manning, the flame-tongued Obama-bashing pastor of Harlem’s ATLAH World Missionary Church, has some new weapons to add to his marginal arsenal of attempted birther world takeover. Manning, in a new edition of his heartwarming Manning Report video series, says he believes that both Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney have black fathers, because no white couple would name their child Newton Leroy McPherson or Willard Mitt Romney.

Manning:

I believe that Newt Gingrich’s father was a liberal-educated black man. I do!

He says a similar thing about Romney. Then:

Somewhere down the line, I think that the [sic] Romney’s wives [sic? ish?] got in bed with sleeping car porters on them long train trips from Michigan to Chicago and Chicago to Boston…these politicians and the wealthy wives used to take these long train rides from Chicago to LA and these sleeping car porters didn’t have anything to do, the women were bored, it was a four-day train ride…

Manning’s argument goes on to say that there were literally two “sleeping car porters” named Leroy and Willard after whom Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney were named. But the plot thickens when Manning adds:

You know I’m saying this satirically, but I truly do believe that. I do! I do! I do.

He does. Manning, who also inserted himself into the Obama birther movement, basically hates the president, from what anybody can tell, and it often results in baffling exchanges like this one, with Fox News’s Alan Colmes, from March 2008, over why Manning slanders Obama so, using terms like “pimp,” “long-legged freak,” “trash,” and so on:

MANNING: You know, when you consider who Obama is and what he’s trying to do, and the danger that he represents for the African-American people, those words are mild compared to …
COLMES: Calling him trash?
MANNING: Absolutely. Listen, Obama lied on his mother and his father by saying that they were — met at the Selmer march, which was not true. So, when a man lies on his mother and his father. I mean, what else can you say …
COLMES: And then you go off on the — go ahead …
MANNING: He lies about his grandmother and depicts her as a typical white racist. He …
COLMES: That’s not what he said by the way. He said —
MANNING: … He said that she was a white person in turn…
COLMES: He said that it was generational.
MANNING: And she was also a racist.
COLMES: She said things on occasion that made him cringe.
MANNING: Well, at any rate, listen. A man that lies on his father and his mother, and I suspect there’s a reason why he did that because of the things I said that he was born trash, and he was, but when you consider the fact that a man would lie on his mother and father.

Aaaaaanyway. [BuzzFeed]

About the author

Liz is a writer. She has written for this site, evidently, and also The Awl, The San Francisco Chronicle, NPR, The Economist and others. She is the author of a short story collection, Cover Story.

View all articles by Liz Colville
What Others Are Reading

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here with a few helpful links to ease your transition to Disqus - Claiming Old Accounts - Claiming Your ID Comments - Turning off Disqus Notifications. And, as always, remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • nounverb911

    Not true, Mitt's father was Mexican.

    • Terry

      An illegal alien Mexican, too.

      • DahBoner

        Steampunk Whitey, they used to call 'em…

        • poncho_pilot

          i thought it was Boston Steamer Whitey…

          • chicken_thief

            Cleveland Steamer Whitey?

          • poncho_pilot

            well, since he was governor of Taxachusetts…but he does have a spare Mormon rocket ship buried in Cleveland. he's actually responsible for the Cuyahoga River Fire.

    • Preferred Customer

      CNN's Erin Burnett yesterday did a hard-hitting segment on "should Romney be considered the first Hispanic president" because his father was born in Mexico.

      I wish I was making that up.

      • chicken_thief

        Unless she starts flashing some boob – and by "boob", no, I don't mean Newt, she'll have to get way crazier than that before I start watching her show.

      • http://sickrantorum.com KenLayIsAlive

        Haha. Anything to capture the Latino vote.

        Anything short of, you know, supporting issues Latinos care about.

    • hagajim

      I thought his real father had golden tablets.

  • http://drpaul2012.wordpress.com Donner, Party of 1

    News flash: Crazy Person Says Crazy Shit.

    • fuflans

      that was pretty awesome. especially the little 'blow your mind' jingle at the end.

  • SorosBot

    This isn't the cuckold porn I was looking for.

  • OneYieldRegular

    As the old saying goes: You live by the crazy wingnut birther, you die by the crazy wingnut birther.

  • MrFizzy

    I'm no geneticist, but it appears to me that Romney and Gingrich are the two whitest motherfuckers in the whole world. You could throw in Santorum, Callista and Ron Paul and have a really bad basketball team.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Do not, I repeat, do not play dance music at their next party, also.

      • MrFizzy

        I'm thinking Duran Duran to start

      • MrFizzy

        Or Toto

    • Radiotherapy

      Eugenicist, you.

    • teatarded2012

      or a shitty frat party.

  • LettucePrey

    You know who else has a black father?

    • nounverb911

      Jack Black?

      • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

        Rebecca Black? (It is Friday.)

        • MissTaken

          Ah shit! I only just got that song out of my head from last week. Aaagghhh.

          • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

            Partyin' partyin' YEAH!

          • SorosBot

            Fun, fun, waitin' for the weekend, weekend.

          • MissTaken

            You all suck. I have an eye appt in about 15 minutes and not only will I be stuck with dilated eyes that take 4 hours to go back to normal but I'll be dilated and singing Friday, Friday in my head. Thanks.

          • SorosBot

            Well maybe you can get another song stuck in your head to get rid of that. Try something in Spanish:

            Dale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena Que tu cuerpo es pa' darle alegria cosa buena Dale a tu cuerpo alegria, Macarena Hey Macarena!

        • elviouslyqueer

          *checks gay card, verifies membership status*

          Okay, full disclosure. I hadn't heard that song until just now. I can confidently say that, as a gay who listens to a LOT of insipid, lyrically-challenged dance music, Friday has got to be one of the shittiest. songs. EVER.

          And this coming from someone who adores Katy Perry's entire oeuvre.

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            There are pictures of her oeuvre online?!

          • elviouslyqueer

            Not if Tim Tebow has anything to say about it.

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            Have you seen the way that boy celebrates on the sidelines? He is backed WAY the fuck up. As soon as some starlet jumps his bones, this Tebowing and thanking the Lord after every 1st down will be over with.

          • chicken_thief

            "Starlet"? So you think he swings that way, huh…..

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            Hilarious cartoon in the New Yorker: Grumpy-looking football player talking to a reporter: "First of all, I'd like to blame God for today's loss."

    • CapnFatback

      Luke Skywalker?

    • http://www.wonkette.com Chillwillard

      Sarah Palin? Wait, I thought you said "black fucker"…

    • flamingpdog

      Barack Obama?

    • Barb

      Rod Blagojevich?

    • SorosBot
      • PhilippePetain

        Warren G.?

        • chicken_thief

          Kenny G?

          • PhilippePetain

            I always though it would be funny if the rapper Warren G's last name was "Hardass".

    • MissTaken

      Not Sally Hemming's children

    • widestanceshakedown

      Jesus?

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Lucy of Australopithecus afarensis fame?

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        In other words, "All of us, Katy."

    • BarackMyWorld

      Navin Johnson?

    • flamingpdog

      Shirley Temple Black?

      No, wait, she married a Black! Mrs. Genation!

    • WhatTheHeck

      John Holmes. Just sayin…

    • Blueb4sunrise

      All of them Katie.

    • C_R_Eature

      John F. Kennedy?

      Oops, sorry. That was Black Irish.

      Never mind.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Hitler?

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Actually …

    • DahBoner

      THE UNITED NEGRO COLLEGE FUND?

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Dinah Shore?

    • chicken_thief

      Peanut butter?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Ludwig van Beethoven, obvs. Geeze.

  • nounverb911

    This guy makes Oily Taintz look sane. Almost, maybe, sort of, kinda?

    • hagajim

      Oily needs to stay away from Santorum.

    • chicken_thief

      No. She looks just as fucking looney as ever. And the good Rev is just as looney. Plenty o' room on the Crazy Train!!!

  • BarackMyWorld

    I'm more disturbed by how no one's ever seen Romney and Clark Kent in the same place at the same time.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      MR. FANTASTIC LIBEL!

  • Barb

    "So, when a man lies on his mother and his father. I mean, what else can you say …'
    I dunno, incest?

    • widestanceshakedown

      MOTHERFUCKER LIBEL!

      • http://www.wonkette.com Chillwillard

        Are you Baconz' alter-ego?

        • widestanceshakedown

          No, just quicker on the reply than usual.

    • OneDollarJuana

      Three-way incest. Hawt!

      • Dashboard Buddha

        OT – but I ran across an 80s adult movie recently and it was about 2 women teaming up on a guy, but the "joke" was one of the women was the dude's aunt. It was charming in a way.

        • http://www.wonkette.com Chillwillard

          Was it titled "Sweet Porn Alabama" by any chance?

          • Dashboard Buddha

            Those movies had names? I didn't notice.

      • Guppy

        Wait, I think I've read that story

  • Dashboard Buddha

    Well, things are really really slow here in Insurance Sales HQ and I was hoping for a new story to amuse and delight me.

    Wonkette never disappoints.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Oh please, I call such bullshit. Everyone knows Newt's father is Bozo the Clown.

    • Barb

      Yes, Newt's circus has many rings, mostly charged at Tiffany's.

    • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

      So you're saying he's a person of colors? His mother, if I'm not mistaken, was Pennywise the Clown.

      • bikerlaureate

        There is a pound-foolishness about him. It just says "far-seeing" and "temperate" and "thoroughly wise" to me.

    • banana_bread

      Bozo libel!

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Don't you mean Bozo the chimp?

    • MrFizzy

      Fuck You

      sincerely

      Bozo

  • MissTaken

    Fun stuff does happen on Friday the 13th, thank you!

  • CapnFatback

    You know I’m saying this satirically, but I truly do believe that. I do! I do! I do."

    Oh, I'm using blah blood as a metaphor–a literal metaphor.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Chillwillard

    November comes, Barry will telling Mittens, "who's your daddy?" Does that count?

  • Extemporanus

    Blah, blah, blah…

  • anniegetyerfun

    Well, I think Gawker has been talking a lot recently about Mitt's giant penis.

    • http://www.wonkette.com Chillwillard

      Remember when Gawker used to be cool? Me either…

    • OneDollarJuana

      I think you meant "Mitt is a giant dick".

      • anniegetyerfun

        Why can't it be both?

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    and Santorum has a black lather

    • BarackMyWorld

      Hey-Oh!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Oh, is THAT what Frank meant by the title of that album?

  • MissTaken

    "the women were bored, it was a four-day train ride…"

    I'm obviously taking the wrong train.

    • OneDollarJuana

      Pulling a train on the train?

      • SorosBot

        Riding the train and riding the porters.

      • widestanceshakedown

        Casey Jones endorses this comment.

      • iburl

        Cain Train Approves

    • widestanceshakedown

      It's OK, Miss Taken, those gals were the wrong train (thanks, be here all week, etc.).

    • SorosBot

      It's a train where the married white women can't help themselves in the face of black dicks – yeah this definitely sounds like porn.

      • MissTaken

        I think there's an entire youporn channel dedicated to this genre.

        • SorosBot

          And back in the day there was an entire Usenet forum dedicated to it.

          Um, not that I know anything about porn. No, I am far too good a citizen to ever look at that filth!

          • Lionel[redacted]Esq

            The Internet exist, porn exist. Who can explain that?

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            I think I begin to see how is babby formed and girl get pragnut.

    • Extemporanus

      How loose is your caboose, little Lulu?

  • http://www.wonkette.com Chillwillard

    And for the record, Romney is Meh, not Blah.

  • GunToting[Redacted]

    The Selmer march? Was this a marching brass band festival?

    • MrFizzy

      Combination of Elmer and Selma

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Sponsored by Boosey and Hawkes, or Boozey and Hawks

  • flamingpdog

    Hey, I'm almost like Newt and Mitt's mothers. They liked them some black-butt porters, and I like me some Black Butte Porters.

  • Extemporanus

    "I'm gonna bounce back, and when I do, I'm gonna buy you a diamond so big it's gonna make you puke."

    – Navin L. Gingrich

    • AlterNewt

      "I'm gonna buy you a steak the size of a toilet seat."

      -Moe, the bartender

  • LesBontemps

    Newt and Mitt something something teach me how to Dougie..

  • Terry

    "he believes that both Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney have black fathers, because no white couple would name their child Newton Leroy McPherson or Willard Mitt Romney."

    Apparently the good reverend has never been to the South or to Utah. There are crazier names out there, given to people both black and white.

    • C_R_Eature

      Dweezil, Ahmet Rodan, Moon Unit.

      Well, there goes that theory.

    • PsycWench

      As someone whose grandmother was named Irma Magdalene, I concur.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      The good reverend has never been to a qualified professional who could medicate his delusions.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        That man is just eat up with the hate.

  • Schmannnity

    George Romney may have been brainwashed, but he sure wasn't Black

    • bikerlaureate

      For some reason I read that name as George Romero.

      How different the nom race wouid be, etc. etc.

      • C_R_Eature

        There would still be flesh-eating Zombies, so not much then?

        • bikerlaureate

          At least the GOP nom-nom-nomination battle would be quieter…

          • C_R_Eature

            Well, there would be a lot less screaming…

  • YouBetcha

    Black people. Gross.

  • Extemporanus

    "And I don't need one other thing, except my dog…"

    – Willard M. Romney

    • Extemporanus

      "…I don't need my dog."

      – Willard M. Romney

    • gullywompr

      Lord loves a workin' man; don't trust whitey; see a doctor and get rid of it.
      Lord loves a workin' man; don't trust whitey; see a doctor and get rid of it.
      Lord loves a workin' man; don't trust whitey; see a doctor and get rid of it.

  • mavenmaven

    Envy. Its all envy.

  • meatlofer

    I'm just not sure??? I'm going to need a little more.

  • user-of-owls

    Is this whole "lies on his father and mother" thing some sort of Crazy Negro retelling of the Princess and the Pea?

    • SorosBot

      I think it's a retelling of the Biblical story of Lot; his daughters lied on their father.

  • Callyson

    You know I’m saying this satirically, but I truly do believe that. I do! I do! I do.
    Now, how many times are we going to hear that on Monday night's GOP Presidential debate, and from how many candidates?
    (Liveblog that night?)

  • fuflans

    i love my country.

  • C_R_Eature

    Actually, both of Steve Martin's parents were Black. Little known fact.

    I saw it in a movie so it must be true.

    • user-of-owls

      The new phone book is here! The new phone book is here!

      • C_R_Eature

        "Waiter…there are Snails on my plate!"

        That one gets me every time.

        • jus_wonderin

          My Mom told me about my special purpose.

    • DahBoner

      At least his Black parents taught him the difference between shit and shinola…

  • Texan_Bulldog

    Peyton & Eli need to get their crazy uncle back in the attic.

  • Tundra Grifter

    "Crazy Birthier" is redundant. And repetitious.

  • PsycWench

    MANNING: He lies about his grandmother and depicts her as a typical white racist. He …
    COLMES: That’s not what he said by the way. He said —

    So in March 2008 at least one commentator was able to call out an interview subject for saying things that were false?

    Your move, NYT.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Well … a white commentator called out an African-American guest. That's not the same as Wolf calling out Mitt. Dream on.

  • Extemporanus

    "The Lord loves a working man, don't trust whitey, see a doctor and get rid of it, America."

    – Gingrich/Romney 2012 presidential campaign slogan

  • Radiotherapy

    It must have taken a real Einstein to name their kid Newton.

    • Extemporanus

      His dad was a total fig HIG.

      (By the by, I finally came to and provided some accompaniment your Christmas Eve theremin solo…)

    • widestanceshakedown

      Due to the infant's abnormally large head, he was originally named Big Newton, but once the infant began to talk, he argued that he needed a fundamental transformation of his name, and since his parents couldn't stand that voice any more than we can, they gave in and went with just 'Newt.'

    • PubOption

      And the apple doesn't fall far from the tree!

  • flamingpdog

    When I was a little pup, I had a black and white kitten named Mittens. So, hey, there's precedent!

    • user-of-owls

      Me too! Of course, an hour later I was hungry again, but still…

  • JackDempsey1

    Christ, all this talk about parental lineage.
    You'd think we were buying a racehorse, rather than electing a president.
    By the way, I hear that Mitt's time in the quarter furlong is improving.

  • HarryButtle

    Today, we all have blah fathers.

  • kissawookiee

    "no white couple would name their child Newton Leroy McPherson"

    Methinks Mr. Manning hasn't spent a whole lot of time south of the Winn-Dixie line.

  • user-of-owls

    Seeing something like this gives one additional insight about son Bradley's motivation to go running into Assange's comforting arms.

  • SpiderCrab

    Maybe I'll re-think my no-pinch policy.

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    Does that mean that Cotton Mather was black too?

    • hunnybee

      dear gods! you mean he wasn't Black? i mean he was picking all that cotton and mathering it an' stuff, jeez mareez.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Wonder no more! Now we know that when Birtherism comes into contact with "Newt Gingrich had a black father'ism", they annihilate each other in a spectacular burst of pure crazy.

    • poncho_pilot

      gamma ray crazy.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Let's just be truthful here. Malcolm X was Obama's, Newt's and Mitt's real father.

    • chicken_thief

      If we had to settle on one padre for the whole crew, odds are it was Wilt. He boned like 25,000. Might have even done some train riding in his college and early pro days.

  • BigDumbRedDog

    Sounds like this guy should quit his job as a pastor and start writing historical interacial erotica.

    • http://sickrantorum.com KenLayIsAlive

      I have a feeling that's what Newt is going to be doing in 2012 – 2016. Because if we know anything about Newt, it's that he is a horny historian.

  • larryfinexx

    Chloe Kardashian

  • CommieLibunatic

    This is almost as crazy as the guy on the bus who babbled to me about real estate and the Founding Fathers. I swear, they'll let ANYONE talk these days.

  • DahBoner

    Bad, bad Leroy Tiffany & Whatchootalkinbout Willard…

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    I think Faux News put this loon on the air just to make the GOP candidates look sane by comparison.

    • widestanceshakedown

      That's pretty much the GOP's whole premise.

  • real_dc_native

    So… How long do I have to stop taking my meds before I get 15 minutes on Fox News/

    • chicken_thief

      Maybe we could just swap and it would speed up the process. You got any good shit?

  • Neoyorquino

    Little known fact, Mitt's street name is "A Pimp Named Slicked-Back (Hair)".

  • MozakiBlocks

    Yeah, I got nothing.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Given that Romney speaks French, I guess ANYTHING is possible.

  • HistoriCat

    Isn't this the guy whose church is near LimeyLizzie's place? Where is she when we need her?

  • http://www.gurukalehuru.wordpress.com gurukalehuru

    So, is James David Manning really Bradley's daddy. Enquiring minds want to know.

  • Limeylizzie

    This church is about 3 blocks away from my apartment, I cannot wait to see what he has on his sign when I go to the gym tomorrow. http://www.flickr.com/photos/13152388@N00/6691202

    • real_dc_native

      I think the sign in the photo actually makes a good point.

      • http://sickrantorum.com KenLayIsAlive

        Even a crazy ass Harlem pastor is right twice a day. Or something.

    • C_R_Eature

      It's unfortunate that it looks like there's a cover over the sign to prevent Creative Mischief. I've had a lot of fun with those movable-letter signs over the years and I'd jump at the chance to rearrange that one.

      The Example that comes to mind-
      In a Previous Incarnation, I used to have to ride past this little roadside place, on a busy 2 lane highway, we'll call Jesus Freek Pizza. Very RW Dad pizzamaker-in-charge, mousy retiring Mom taking money and -I shit you not- Pregnant Teen behind the counter. Good pizza, though.
      Had this sign out front and it alternated between authoritarian Leviticus quotes and Hellfire insults.
      One day, I'm driving past in the early early morning and I see "OUR GOD IS GOD WHATS YOURS?" which a) pissed me off and b) lit the little Prank Lightbulb in my head. I ditched the truck ( had to – Agency Vehicle), crept stealthly up and suddenly, the sign read: OUR DOG IS GOD WHATS YOURS?" as I sped away.
      Their Dog was still God as I was riding home that day.

      It was the easiest prank I have ever pulled and one of the most fun.

      • Limeylizzie

        That is wonderful!

        • C_R_Eature

          Thank you. One of my favorites.

  • barto

    Does he mean "lie" or "lay". I'm confused…

  • Allmighty_Manos

    Well, Mitt is well aware of black people's affinity for randomly singing "Who Let the Dogs Out?" so maybe Rev. Nuts has a point.

    • http://sickrantorum.com KenLayIsAlive

      It think that youTube clip of Mitt proves absolutely that he doesn't have a drop of Black blood in him.

  • SFHarry

    You may like my humorous video about Newt's three marriages at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AQSsMRe6BJE
    There are chickens in it. Everybody loves chickens!
    It also ends with a splash of Santorum!

  • littlebigdaddy

    On the contrary, I would say Willard is the whitest name there is. (Of course the name on his birth certificate is Pablo Diego Garcia Romney).

  • DaRooster

    Man, Newt went a bit overboard with the anal bleaching then?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      I srsly hate you for making me think of Newt's anus.

    • E_Tx_Pines

      Naw, Newt is all anus…

  • chicken_thief

    "I believe that Newt Gingrich’s father was a liberal-educated black man. I do!"

    Like in those days there was a conservative school that allowed blah's to enroll. Sheesh. Yer a regular Sherlock Holmes, Pastor Manning!

  • Tommy1733

    I wish Maning's comments would get into the news more often – funny stuff.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Well, I don't. I can take only so much idiocy per day, and lately the bounds have been strained.

  • ttommyunger

    There is definitely a crazy front stationary over the lower 48 lately. No relief in sight. Back to you, Katie.

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    Manning certainly sounds like a reasonable facsimile of a lunatic

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    The Winn-Dixie line. I saw what you did there.

  • tealsheart

    No wonder Newt talked so freely about the brothers and sisters and food stamps.

  • fuflans

    actually i am.

    well, 1/2.

  • Limeylizzie

    It's a very big building, not sure how big the congregation is, I was in there one time, I was shopping on 125th and a group of urban youth beat up and robbed a young Japanese tourist , so myself and a really nice young man took the tourist to the nearest place that seemed as if it would have first-aid- it was the church of Pastor Manning, he gave me that 'You are a green-eyed she-devil and your big breasts and round bottom will corrupt the men of Harlem look”, he was not very Christian.

  • http://sickrantorum.com KenLayIsAlive

    I have to spend more time in Harlem. I could use some getting corrupted by some big breasts and round bottoms.

  • HistoriCat

    Jesus says green-eyed she-devils with big breasts and round bottoms need love too!