in a world of pure imagination

Romney and Gingrich Have Black Fathers, Says Crazy Birther

James David Manning, the flame-tongued Obama-bashing pastor of Harlem’s ATLAH World Missionary Church, has some new weapons to add to his marginal arsenal of attempted birther world takeover. Manning, in a new edition of his heartwarming Manning Report video series, says he believes that both Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney have black fathers, because no white couple would name their child Newton Leroy McPherson or Willard Mitt Romney.

Manning:

I believe that Newt Gingrich’s father was a liberal-educated black man. I do!

He says a similar thing about Romney. Then:

Somewhere down the line, I think that the [sic] Romney’s wives [sic? ish?] got in bed with sleeping car porters on them long train trips from Michigan to Chicago and Chicago to Boston…these politicians and the wealthy wives used to take these long train rides from Chicago to LA and these sleeping car porters didn’t have anything to do, the women were bored, it was a four-day train ride…

Manning’s argument goes on to say that there were literally two “sleeping car porters” named Leroy and Willard after whom Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney were named. But the plot thickens when Manning adds:

You know I’m saying this satirically, but I truly do believe that. I do! I do! I do.

He does. Manning, who also inserted himself into the Obama birther movement, basically hates the president, from what anybody can tell, and it often results in baffling exchanges like this one, with Fox News’s Alan Colmes, from March 2008, over why Manning slanders Obama so, using terms like “pimp,” “long-legged freak,” “trash,” and so on:

MANNING: You know, when you consider who Obama is and what he’s trying to do, and the danger that he represents for the African-American people, those words are mild compared to …
COLMES: Calling him trash?
MANNING: Absolutely. Listen, Obama lied on his mother and his father by saying that they were — met at the Selmer march, which was not true. So, when a man lies on his mother and his father. I mean, what else can you say …
COLMES: And then you go off on the — go ahead …
MANNING: He lies about his grandmother and depicts her as a typical white racist. He …
COLMES: That’s not what he said by the way. He said —
MANNING: … He said that she was a white person in turn…
COLMES: He said that it was generational.
MANNING: And she was also a racist.
COLMES: She said things on occasion that made him cringe.
MANNING: Well, at any rate, listen. A man that lies on his father and his mother, and I suspect there’s a reason why he did that because of the things I said that he was born trash, and he was, but when you consider the fact that a man would lie on his mother and father.

Aaaaaanyway. [BuzzFeed]

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About the author

Liz is a writer. She has written for this site, evidently, and also The Awl, The San Francisco Chronicle, NPR, The Economist and others. She is the author of a short story collection, Cover Story.

View all articles by Liz Colville

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198 comments

          1. poncho_pilot

            well, since he was governor of Taxachusetts…but he does have a spare Mormon rocket ship buried in Cleveland. he's actually responsible for the Cuyahoga River Fire.

    1. Preferred Customer

      CNN's Erin Burnett yesterday did a hard-hitting segment on "should Romney be considered the first Hispanic president" because his father was born in Mexico.

      I wish I was making that up.

      1. chicken_thief

        Unless she starts flashing some boob – and by "boob", no, I don't mean Newt, she'll have to get way crazier than that before I start watching her show.

  1. OneYieldRegular

    As the old saying goes: You live by the crazy wingnut birther, you die by the crazy wingnut birther.

  2. MrFizzy

    I'm no geneticist, but it appears to me that Romney and Gingrich are the two whitest motherfuckers in the whole world. You could throw in Santorum, Callista and Ron Paul and have a really bad basketball team.

          1. MissTaken

            You all suck. I have an eye appt in about 15 minutes and not only will I be stuck with dilated eyes that take 4 hours to go back to normal but I'll be dilated and singing Friday, Friday in my head. Thanks.

          2. SorosBot

            Well maybe you can get another song stuck in your head to get rid of that. Try something in Spanish:

            Dale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena Que tu cuerpo es pa' darle alegria cosa buena Dale a tu cuerpo alegria, Macarena Hey Macarena!

        1. elviouslyqueer

          *checks gay card, verifies membership status*

          Okay, full disclosure. I hadn't heard that song until just now. I can confidently say that, as a gay who listens to a LOT of insipid, lyrically-challenged dance music, Friday has got to be one of the shittiest. songs. EVER.

          And this coming from someone who adores Katy Perry's entire oeuvre.

          1. Chet Kincaid

            Have you seen the way that boy celebrates on the sidelines? He is backed WAY the fuck up. As soon as some starlet jumps his bones, this Tebowing and thanking the Lord after every 1st down will be over with.

          2. Biel_ze_Bubba

            Hilarious cartoon in the New Yorker: Grumpy-looking football player talking to a reporter: "First of all, I'd like to blame God for today's loss."

    1. chicken_thief

      No. She looks just as fucking looney as ever. And the good Rev is just as looney. Plenty o' room on the Crazy Train!!!

  3. BarackMyWorld

    I'm more disturbed by how no one's ever seen Romney and Clark Kent in the same place at the same time.

  4. Barb

    "So, when a man lies on his mother and his father. I mean, what else can you say …'
    I dunno, incest?

      1. Dashboard Buddha

        OT – but I ran across an 80s adult movie recently and it was about 2 women teaming up on a guy, but the "joke" was one of the women was the dude's aunt. It was charming in a way.

  5. Dashboard Buddha

    Well, things are really really slow here in Insurance Sales HQ and I was hoping for a new story to amuse and delight me.

    Wonkette never disappoints.

      1. bikerlaureate

        There is a pound-foolishness about him. It just says "far-seeing" and "temperate" and "thoroughly wise" to me.

  6. CapnFatback

    You know I’m saying this satirically, but I truly do believe that. I do! I do! I do."

    Oh, I'm using blah blood as a metaphor–a literal metaphor.

    1. widestanceshakedown

      It's OK, Miss Taken, those gals were the wrong train (thanks, be here all week, etc.).

    2. SorosBot

      It's a train where the married white women can't help themselves in the face of black dicks – yeah this definitely sounds like porn.

        1. SorosBot

          And back in the day there was an entire Usenet forum dedicated to it.

          Um, not that I know anything about porn. No, I am far too good a citizen to ever look at that filth!

  7. Extemporanus

    "I'm gonna bounce back, and when I do, I'm gonna buy you a diamond so big it's gonna make you puke."

    - Navin L. Gingrich

  8. Terry

    "he believes that both Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney have black fathers, because no white couple would name their child Newton Leroy McPherson or Willard Mitt Romney."

    Apparently the good reverend has never been to the South or to Utah. There are crazier names out there, given to people both black and white.

    1. bikerlaureate

      For some reason I read that name as George Romero.

      How different the nom race wouid be, etc. etc.

    1. gullywompr

      Lord loves a workin' man; don't trust whitey; see a doctor and get rid of it.
      Lord loves a workin' man; don't trust whitey; see a doctor and get rid of it.
      Lord loves a workin' man; don't trust whitey; see a doctor and get rid of it.

  9. user-of-owls

    Is this whole "lies on his father and mother" thing some sort of Crazy Negro retelling of the Princess and the Pea?

  10. Callyson

    You know I’m saying this satirically, but I truly do believe that. I do! I do! I do.
    Now, how many times are we going to hear that on Monday night's GOP Presidential debate, and from how many candidates?
    (Liveblog that night?)

  11. C_R_Eature

    Actually, both of Steve Martin's parents were Black. Little known fact.

    I saw it in a movie so it must be true.

  12. PsycWench

    MANNING: He lies about his grandmother and depicts her as a typical white racist. He …
    COLMES: That’s not what he said by the way. He said —

    So in March 2008 at least one commentator was able to call out an interview subject for saying things that were false?

    Your move, NYT.

  13. Extemporanus

    "The Lord loves a working man, don't trust whitey, see a doctor and get rid of it, America."

    - Gingrich/Romney 2012 presidential campaign slogan

    1. Extemporanus

      His dad was a total fig HIG.

      (By the by, I finally came to and provided some accompaniment your Christmas Eve theremin solo…)

      1. Radiotherapy

        "If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of giants."

        Holy fuck, extem, I just found the referenced communication. I am laughing so hard my dog is worried. I hope you are OK after that yellowed egg nog bender. But if you really want a transcendental experience listen to tomato box and read Wonkette. "Vee are goink bäck."

    2. widestanceshakedown

      Due to the infant's abnormally large head, he was originally named Big Newton, but once the infant began to talk, he argued that he needed a fundamental transformation of his name, and since his parents couldn't stand that voice any more than we can, they gave in and went with just 'Newt.'

  14. flamingpdog

    When I was a little pup, I had a black and white kitten named Mittens. So, hey, there's precedent!

  15. JackDempsey1

    Christ, all this talk about parental lineage.
    You'd think we were buying a racehorse, rather than electing a president.
    By the way, I hear that Mitt's time in the quarter furlong is improving.

  16. kissawookiee

    "no white couple would name their child Newton Leroy McPherson"

    Methinks Mr. Manning hasn't spent a whole lot of time south of the Winn-Dixie line.

  17. user-of-owls

    Seeing something like this gives one additional insight about son Bradley's motivation to go running into Assange's comforting arms.

    1. hunnybee

      dear gods! you mean he wasn't Black? i mean he was picking all that cotton and mathering it an' stuff, jeez mareez.

  18. SheriffRoscoe

    Wonder no more! Now we know that when Birtherism comes into contact with "Newt Gingrich had a black father'ism", they annihilate each other in a spectacular burst of pure crazy.

    1. chicken_thief

      If we had to settle on one padre for the whole crew, odds are it was Wilt. He boned like 25,000. Might have even done some train riding in his college and early pro days.

  19. BigDumbRedDog

    Sounds like this guy should quit his job as a pastor and start writing historical interacial erotica.

  20. CommieLibunatic

    This is almost as crazy as the guy on the bus who babbled to me about real estate and the Founding Fathers. I swear, they'll let ANYONE talk these days.

  21. Biel_ze_Bubba

    I think Faux News put this loon on the air just to make the GOP candidates look sane by comparison.

    1. C_R_Eature

      It's unfortunate that it looks like there's a cover over the sign to prevent Creative Mischief. I've had a lot of fun with those movable-letter signs over the years and I'd jump at the chance to rearrange that one.

      The Example that comes to mind-
      In a Previous Incarnation, I used to have to ride past this little roadside place, on a busy 2 lane highway, we'll call Jesus Freek Pizza. Very RW Dad pizzamaker-in-charge, mousy retiring Mom taking money and -I shit you not- Pregnant Teen behind the counter. Good pizza, though.
      Had this sign out front and it alternated between authoritarian Leviticus quotes and Hellfire insults.
      One day, I'm driving past in the early early morning and I see "OUR GOD IS GOD WHATS YOURS?" which a) pissed me off and b) lit the little Prank Lightbulb in my head. I ditched the truck ( had to – Agency Vehicle), crept stealthly up and suddenly, the sign read: OUR DOG IS GOD WHATS YOURS?" as I sped away.
      Their Dog was still God as I was riding home that day.

      It was the easiest prank I have ever pulled and one of the most fun.

  22. littlebigdaddy

    On the contrary, I would say Willard is the whitest name there is. (Of course the name on his birth certificate is Pablo Diego Garcia Romney).

  23. chicken_thief

    "I believe that Newt Gingrich’s father was a liberal-educated black man. I do!"

    Like in those days there was a conservative school that allowed blah's to enroll. Sheesh. Yer a regular Sherlock Holmes, Pastor Manning!

  24. ttommyunger

    There is definitely a crazy front stationary over the lower 48 lately. No relief in sight. Back to you, Katie.

  25. Limeylizzie

    It's a very big building, not sure how big the congregation is, I was in there one time, I was shopping on 125th and a group of urban youth beat up and robbed a young Japanese tourist , so myself and a really nice young man took the tourist to the nearest place that seemed as if it would have first-aid- it was the church of Pastor Manning, he gave me that 'You are a green-eyed she-devil and your big breasts and round bottom will corrupt the men of Harlem look”, he was not very Christian.

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