Here’s an amusing tale of woe from the dysfunctional family of mutants running the federal government: Barack Obama mentioned in the waning days of 2011 that he needed permission to raise the debt ceiling once again, as outlined and wholly foreseen by the debt agreement reached after a lot of tearful hate sex with Congress in August, but congressional leaders asked him to wait to make the request since HELLO, ON VACATION and wanted a chance to formally vote on it instead of just letting the request receive a standard automatic approval after fifteen days without a response. Obama agreed to wait to prove that he unlike everyone else in America has decided to Respect Congress or whatever, mostly we are guessing because of all the Republican sobbing over his recess appointments, and so now John Boehner’s thank-you-for-waiting greeting card for Obama has arrived in the form of a whiny statement scolding the President for asking for a thing both parties agreed to months ago.
From the AP:
Obama originally planned to make this request in December, but with Congress on vacation until mid-January, lawmakers asked the president to delay his request so they could vote on the matter when they returned.
“Washington’s mounting debt is a drag on our economic recovery, and this request is another reminder that the president has consistently punted on the tough choices needed to rein in the deficit and protect important programs for American seniors from going bankrupt,” said Brendan Buck, spokesman for House Speaker John Boehner, R-Ohio.
HAHAHAHA remember that time that Ronald Reagan was president, and he tripled the national debt, while in office, and everyone cheered and talked for the next hundred years about how he was the best thing to happen to Earth since Jesus? Yeah. Anyway, the request to raise the debt ceiling will go through because John Boehner is too worn out for another orgy (hint: it’s an election year), SAD, the end. [AP]








{ 192 comments }
It's probably starting to sink in that the Kenyan Marxist Socialist Muslim is going to be around for a few more years and it's just eating at them.
And that Speaker Boner will be back to Minority Leader Boner soon (oh I hope so).
And then Nancy Smash!
I can't wait to see Princess Nancy take the gavel back!
Insha'Allah.
From your mouth to G-d's Diebold Machine.
"Brendan Buck, spokesman for House Speaker John Boehner,.."
I thought Johnny Walker Black was his spokesman.
And here I thought it was Johnny Walker Orange.
Your p-ness got bigger, congrats!
And, I've been living under a rock, because sure as his skin is a shade of Mandarin, I thought his spokesperson was Jack Daniels.
You're confusing Johnny with Philip Morris.
Brendan Buck sounds like a British porn star
Not his spokesman, but his closest adviser.
Johnny Walker Black is his co-pilot.
Probably the only Black he would allow on his personal plane.
Surely, you mean Johnny Walker Blah, right?
Are you thinking of "The Letter Johnnie Walker Read?"
Yeah, but Ronnie Reagan was white…
Terlet rat alert!
Go back to Elba, you freak.
Don't you think it's a bit too over the top, even by Wonket standards, to post Eric Cantor's baby pictures?
Oh smack! Classic.
What? Are you saying that's not a pic of Eric in his mother's womb?
I dunno, Boehner would be the expert on this subject.
He is a big supporter of the Rat-hood legislation.
Rats are people too, my friends…
(Well, actually: "…almost all human genes known to be associated with diseases have counterparts in the rat genome and appear highly conserved through mammalian evolution, confirming that the rat is an excellent model for many areas of medical research….")
Comparing Eric Cantor to a Rat? That's very wrong.
Rats don't deserve it, you can actually get attached to Rats and there's some things Rats absolutely, positively will not do.
True, rats have been known to eat their own young and Mrs Cantor didn't have the good sense to do the same.
Glass Half Empty. Just consider the ones she DID eat, Eh?
Glass Half Full!
Pff… the glass is obviously twice as big as it needs to be.
they would do anything for love but they won't do that*.
*obstruct congress.
I hope you get a lot of p-points for this. And no, that's not a toilet joke.
Are you implying that Cantor was aborted?
Is that why he's so mad?
I think he was ALMOST aborted, and that's why he's T-Bowling.
Hold on. I have to pee. Be right back.
Soak the rat, win a cookie.
That's your solution to everything, isn't it? Pee on the corpse.
Ouch. That's cold, man.
Sorry, HST. I didn't mean any offense. Urinating on things is just a physical form of snark.
No offense taken, Spurning. It's just a bugger to to think that dumb-fuck Marines can stoop so low.
HST:
I was going to ask if you just shot a burgler.
Too soon?
I'm so old I can remember when Rethuglicans actually cared if they got caught telling easily refuted bald-faced lies.
I guess Regent's University isn't teaching Political Ethics anymore… or, maybe they are.
I'm so old I can remember when they didn't try to wreck our credit rating on purpose in a fit of pique.
"That was not intended to be a factual statement."
"Political ethics" is right up there with "military intelligence" on the Guiness world record oxymoron list.
John "Worst Speaker Ever" Boehner, ladies and gentleman. Just go tee up and shut up, you useless sack of Valencia oranges.
CITRUS LIBEL!
HISPANIC CITRUS LIBEL.
Catalonian Espana Citrus libel!
TTFU
Now with 20% more fungicide.
How do I get paid $200,000 a year for abdicating my job to someone else and then writing them whiny letters?
I'm not quite sure. If you had said $2 million instead, then I'd reply, "Be Sarah Palin."
Have your personal SuperPAC donate $400,000 to Boehner.
Practice, practice, practice!
Don't forget about the free health insurance for life, also.
I've been thinking that Boehner's buckets of tears probably leech the toxic chemicals from his "tan," then he gets that shit all over his clothes and, presumably, handkerchiefs (ugh), then he washes them….. Never mind how much of that shit comes off in the shower and goes down the drain. The guy's a one-man chemical spill.
Haz-Mat suit required
Boner needz to spill the whine.
Even Ratatouille said "fuck it" and drowned himself.
He did? Damn, I loved that little fucker.
My fervent wish is that 2012 sees the inauguration of a "Word Hague" with the authority to try and convict those who commit Crimes Against Meaning, because people like this Buck so-and-so would be swinging from a scaffold somewhere very soon.
Maybe, like, Antonymopolis, Greece or some place.
Overseen by Supreme Justice Lexicon Luther.
And Danish Special Prosecutor Lars Gramatika.
Yeah, but I can't stand his over-the-top celebrations after successfully convicting an offender.
Boehner is notorious for his many anti-semantic statements.
I don't know if Brendan Buck can be tried for execrable statements that originate with John Boehner. After all, he's simply following ordures.
Still, it makes me want to punctuate him in the face.
You want him to dieresis, or semi-dieresis?
Maybe you could virgule him, or kick his asterisk.
I had an uncle who had his semicolon removed.
Now he has to punctuate into a rubber bag.
Since he's a prickasaurus I hope the bastard is attacked by a rabid thesaurus
Greece's economy is in pretty rough shape. I'm not sure they can afford to levy a sin tax to pay for that.
Oh, look! You can see its little hands!
Hook it up to the heartbeat monitor.
Speaking of which, the VA General Assembly has a "personhood bill" they'll be voting on.
I'm thinking these dumb fucks (in every state) who would support such a bill should just come up with a "Life begins at foreplay" bill & be done with it.
Why wait that long? A "Life begins at two beers and serious eye contact" bill would be more efficient.
Two beers and serious eye contact doesn't count as foreplay? Oops.
It's what's in your mind that counts; your intentions, that's how we'll judge you. What you want to do. Mortal sin had to be a grievous offense, sufficient reflection and full consent of the will. Ya had'ta WANNA! In fact, WANNA was a sin all by itself. "Thou Shalt Not WANNA"…
It was a sin for you to wanna feel up Ellen. It was a sin for you to plan to feel up Ellen. It was a sin for you to figure out a place to feel up Ellen. It was a sin to take Ellen to the place to feel her up. It was a sin to try to feel her up and it was a sin to feel her up. There were six sins in one feel, man!
–"Class Clown," 1972
(Like I even need to name who did that!)
I believe that was the esteemed American philosopher Dr. George Denis Patrick Carlin?
His lectures never did put me to sleep.
Put it in a jar and parade it around at your campaign rallies?
Wait a minute. I thought that the Republicans said that Congress was not in recess when Obama made his recess appointments. Now, which is it?
They're not in recess, exactly, but they have senioritis. It's hard for them to concentrate.
If they have senioritis, does that mean the assholes will be graduating and then moving on? Works for me (and now I guess I know how the teachers at my high school felt…)
Cognition, meet dissonance.
It's the same people that think Paul Ryan is a genius. Reality isn't their strong suit.
Paul Ryan is a tadpole. A young, smug amphibian who thinks they are smarter than all the lower life forms on that side of the pond. Cantor is "the Hammer" and Ryan is "the New Newt." I'm not sure which one I have more contempt for.
Congressional Republicans don't play well with others. When they go out to recess, they mostly play with themselves.
they mostly play with themselves
What, and deny the call girls and rent boys honest work?
JOB DESTROYERS!
"Now, which is it?"
Yes.
Something tells me that once Boehner gets worked up in that orgy, he'll start sweating alcohol, and become winded thanks to his COPD.
So, in the interest of the country, someone please fuck this man. Until he cardiac arrests.
I'm not sure who loves their country that much…unless Callista has a sister.
wow. he must have a wife. i've never seen / heard from her.
I think he's married. I did hear rumors that he was sleeping with some (female) lobbyist but no one in the press corps cares enough to find out–and who can blame them?
If you Google "Mrs. John Boehner" you get plenty of photos of Boehner with women, most of whom are recognizable political figures, including Nancy Reagan, Virginia Fox, and Orly Taitz. For some reason I also got photos of Bono, Conan O'Brien, and the Pope in a red cowgirl hat.
According to the NY Times, he is legally wed to a real estate agent in Ohio named Debbie. She rarely shows her face in DC. They have two grown daughters but I doubt he has sex these days. With the amount of alcohol running through his veins he'd have to take so much Viagra, he'd be blue instead of orange.
You're right! But this one was my favorite: http://fromtheleft.wordpress.com/2011/08/11/mrs-j...
Well, Callista will soon be available now that Newt's no longer a viable candidate.
Or if she gets cancer, whatever happens first.
You know, the Rethuglicans have gotten so good at re-weaving reality into their own verminous fabric of lies and misdirection that I'm seriously worried they may warp the very space-time continuum we live in.
And the speed and efficiency with which they do it! This can't be a purely human effort. Someone must have taken a black-box trading algorithm, an alpha, and recoded it.
…and went back in time, planting the recoded information into our collective psyche well enough that no one knows who actually had the inception.
so Philip K. Dick writing a story in the Lovecraft Mythos?
Holy fuck? Is that one of Santorum's young'uns in the shitter? Did one of his live births do that to his brother?
Poor Boehner. Just going through the gratuitous partisan smack motions. You can tell he doesn't really feel the rat fuck hate/politics of personal destruction in his bones like his former leader,Newt. Have another Marlboro John, the politics of personal combustion
"Washington’s mounting debt is a drag on our economic recovery"
Um, no; in fact it's practically the opposite, Washington's refusal to spend enough is a drag on our economic recovery.
Washington is mounting a mad drag queen for tearful hate sex ??
Read too drunk fast again.
"HAHAHAHA remember that time that Ronald Reagan was president…"
HAHAHAHA remember that time that George Dubya Bush was president … GAH! I had forgotten. It's coming back. The pain. The pain.
I remember both Reagan and W, it's a double whammy of PTSD.
Rats are definitely free marketers.
But not vulture capitalists.
So what you're saying is that rats, and PBS, are socialists. So Can'tor and Boner are more like the squalor and disease in the post photo? OK
Barry's response: "What's that, Boner? I can't hear you! What? You're on Double Secret Recess? More appointments for everyone, then!"
shouldn't we be paying attention to weasel face Cantor or that rat face Paul Ryan since they want everyone to die. instead of seeing drunky John saying whatever
No, but by the time he was into his second term, Ronnie couldn't remember his own presidency either.
"Deficits Don't Matter"
-Dick "Dick" Cheney to a stunned Treasury Secretary Paul O'Neill in 2002.
The only thing the GOPers are fiscally responsible about are taking bribes from the 1%.
You mean their Rentboy Charge Accounts!
and yet and yet. they tell me there's a good chance republicans are going to get all three power centers again.
Whoever "they" are, you should stop listening to them. Really. Honestly. Truly. Verily. Also.
Was that rat in the toilet whispering to you by any chance?
"Power centers?" I thought White Jesus hated yoga.
maybe his third chakra is unbalanced. someone should punch him in the solar plexus. haha. jk. i don't believe in any of that stuff.
Honestly, forget the elections, round up these "Republicans" and throw them in the ocean or something.
If selected members of Congress–the Republican "leadership" of both houses, for example, plus all those members of the House who owe their election to the Tea Party–had big chunks of depleted uranium hung around their necks and were thrown overboard into the Puerto Rico Trench, would that be:
A good thing or a very good thing?
Cthulhu says it's a waste of good protein. Sail them off to R'lyeh instead.
A good start.
Alternate punchline: "Not enough Republicans."
A waste of perfectly good depleted uranium.
Read this and weep:
http://www.truth-out.org/have-super-rich-seceded-...
I wish I could believe the stuff I read on truth-out but I kept track during the Bush Administration and hardly any of it panned out.
It's a matter of defining the word "secede" but it appears to me that the Uber-rich have less and less concern for the conditions of the rest of the US, or of the world for that matter. I wish they would secede and find one of the Mormon planets on which to dwell.
Oh goodie! It's summer 2011 all over again.
Who will be the closeted gay for me to date this time?
Me, me! Oh, wait. I'm a closeted straight guy.
In 2011? Ouch; guess I'm lucky my experience dating a closeted lesbian was way back in college.
I think that's me.
Yay! And Soros thanks you for the early morning tickle of his pickle with that comment.
A song:
Mr. Boner's crying 'cuz he's happy
Mr. Boner's crying 'cuz he's happy
He loves this country more than you
but his weeping's never sappy
Mr. Boner's crying 'cuz he's…. Happy!
Photo Caption: "A look inside the mind of Newt Gingrich."
Soon, when the Bain corporation takes over the country, they will run up the debt even further, declare bankruptcy, then sell us off to the highest bidder.
This is good news for Jon Huntsman…he already speaks Mandarin.
Huntsman/Boehner/2012! Tart!
Romney will be handing out pink slips for your American citizenship. Please leave your Social Security card on your desk when you leave.
I'm thinking there'll be so many voluntary early retirements that he won't have to hand out pink slips.
Lies, damned lies, and shit Republicans say.
"Deficit's don't matter"
Quetzacotal
Since 2/3 of the national debt is owed to Americans…isn't this really like owing money to your own family?
So long as it's the poor who owe the rich, the GOP is OK with it.
mmm protein.
Who is running against Boehner in his district? I'm not even sure if it matters, though, because even if he does survive (and it's likely) he will not be speaker past November, regardless of whether or not the GOP keeps the House. Poor, little bastard.
I think its Danny Noonan.
Are you saying the little rats in the picture are going to get bigger?
Damn, couldn't log on to my wonkette for about 2 hours, glad it's back, before I opened a vein or something.
Drunken orange bastards crying in their beer is so 2011
C'mon, that bipartisan debt agreement was almost twenty weeks ago!
What they always do — take the credit.
the president has consistently punted on the tough choices
YOU were the fuckers who deliberately torpedoed the deficit super-duper committee — oh, never mind. It's like trying to argue with someone on Opposite Day.
Of course Congress will want to go along with a new debt ceiling increase, sorry, been drinking …
Hey John, your date appears to be experiencing some difficulties.
I love Republican-on-Republican violence…
http://www.latimes.com/news/politics/topofthetick...
JFC, I have heard of people taking credit for things they initially opposed, but JFC…
It's a beautiful thing.
I would love to see Obama turn around and quote one of the greatest bands of the Twentieth Century, and say:
We;re not gonna take it
No, we ain't gonna take it
We're not gonna taje it
Anymo-or-or-or.
Or this:
Cause I'm Black and I'm proud
I'm ready and hyped plus I'm amped
Most of my heroes don't appear on no stamps
Sample a look back you look and find
Nothing but rednecks for 400 years if you check
Don't worry be happy
Was a number one jam
Damn if I say it you can slap me right here
(Get it) lets get this party started right
Right on, c'mon
What we got to say
Power to the people no delay
To make everybody see
In order to fight the powers that be
Coming on top of the GOP's "same as the old boss" refrain, I think this could be a hit.
Has someone checked to see if that rat's penis has been removed? Because I hear that, after being lightly salted, Republicans consider them quite the delicacy.
and goddammit Cantor, quit leaving the seat up!!!
Rats will eat almost anything, but I suspect even they would refuse lightly salted Congressional Republican dicks.
The Koch brothers, however, always carry some in their pockets, keep a bowlful on their desks, and offer lightly salted Congressional Republican dicks to all their guests.
OT, but shit like this makes me worry more for the future of my grandchildren than almost anything the Rethugs could do.
Hahaha. Oh gawd. The fuck is next? Fire departments going to seek input on whether they should put out fires? (Assuming the $75 has been paid, of course….) This country is going down the shitter. That rat is just waving goodbye.
I’m looking for reader input on whether and when New York Times news reporters should challenge “facts” that are asserted by newsmakers they write about.
He's too busy playing golf to speak for himself so he has his lackey do it…
So, so, so very glad to hear Colbert is exploring running for president in his homestate of South Carolina. The day he announces will truly be a "good day in South Carolina!" If Paul can't successfully pull of my wish of Operation Chaos, Stephen might be able to help. Show them how corrupt and petty and unserious this system really is.
EDIT: Just heard there is no write-ins on the South Carolina primary ballot. FWAHK!
I love Stephen's art, and his culture jamming tendencies. I'm curious to know how he'll apply the super PAC to cause the most disruption. The Iowa ads for Rick Parry were cute, but weak.
The recent debt ceiling circus maximus was a sideshow to the real main issue: the imperative for a balanced budget.
Graphics, like actions, can speak louder than words — here they are:
http://napoleonlive.info/see-the-evidence/debt-de...
RAT LIBEL! (Rats are actually intelligent, resourceful, affectionate creatures. Please pick another creature to compare teabagger congress to before I have my attorney contact you.)
The debt ceiling has next-to-nothing to do with protecting "important programs for America's seniors from going bankrupt", cry-me-a-river-Boehner, because those programs come from payroll taxes.
(Whoops. A snark-free fact. Gotta try harder next time.)
IMHO, Reagan was not even a good actor.
If he had been a better actor he wouldn't have been president.
"Anything the black guy wants– NIX IT."
– Republican Policy Statement
So by honoring the GOP request, BO strengthens his arguments for the recess appointments, BRILLIANT (or at least smarter than the GOP).
You make science sexy.
Rats share more genes with humans than do Republican legislators.
#notintendedtobeafactualstatementbutitseemslikelydoesntit
Republicans are also an excellent model for many areas of medical research. Especially the kind that involves electrodes and ear transplants.
Republizards share more genes with rats than they do with humans maybe also
Core Values: Honor – A U.S. Marine must never lie, never cheat, never steal, but that is not enough. Much more is required. Each Marine must cling to an uncompromising code of personal integrity, accountable for his actions and holding others accountable for theirs. And, above all, honor mandates that a Marine never sully the reputation of his Corps.
You're being redundant when using a term like "dumb-fuck Marines."
Unless they have to pee.
Probably due to his hardscrabble childhood.
Hey … since we're sort of down on using chimps in research these days, could we maybe, you know….
OMG, not only is she also orange, John Boehner is downright pretty compared to her! Eeekkk she looks like John with a wig…no wonder she 'rarely shows her face'.
Geez!They're both the color of the antique Constitution.The daughters look a little haughty, don't they?Must come from being natives of the Cincinnati suburbs, lol.
"Republicans for Smaller Glasses!"
Hey, It'll catch on.
The glass is full – it's just that half of it is full of air.
Science!
– Thomas Dolby
Comments on this entry are closed.