gaffing around

Santorum Calls Romney ‘Just a Paler Shade of What We Have’

Rick Santorum, down in South Carolina with the rest of the troupe, decided Thursday afternoon to lump Mitt Romney’s proposed policies in with President Obama, further confusing the capitalism debate to the point that it now sounds like an LSAT question with no real answer. In the process, he, albeit not necessarily consciously, decided to call Romney “just a paler shade” of the President. Whoooops.

The candidate, according to The Caucus,

urged voters to dismiss the conventional wisdom that Mitt Romney has an upper hand in the nominating contest. He said the party can win back the White House only by offering a “clear contrast” with President Obama. “We need contrasts,” Mr. Santorum said, “not just a paler shade of what we have.”

According to the latest poll released by Insider Advantage Thursday, Santorum is polling at 14 percent in South Carolina, behind Gingrich at 21 percent and Romney at 23 percent, so as a somewhat viable contender, he has every right to be committing verbal gaffes.

But in all/some seriousness, there’s a big chunk of evangelicals in this country who have “yet to coalesce” (that phrase being essentially its own Republican candidate at this point) around a particular candidate, and some influentials in that sphere think it should be Santorum. Evangelical leaders are actually planning to meet in Texas this weekend to figure things out.

Confusion remains, however, because what even is Santorum, religiously? An article called “Is Rick Santorum A Catholic or an Evangelical? Yes.” says it all. [The Caucus]

About the author

Liz is a writer. She has written for this site, evidently, and also The Awl, The San Francisco Chronicle, NPR, The Economist and others. She is the author of a short story collection, Cover Story.

View all articles by Liz Colville
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  • nounverb911

    Is Santorum saying that Romney has a blah child like McCain did in 2000?

  • SorosBot

    Well Mittens, like most Mormons, is a whiter shade of pale.

    • LettucePrey

      Procol Harem LIBEL!

      • SorosBot

        I was very surprised to find they were actually a bunch of British white guys; that song really sounds like it's sung by a black dude.

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

          Then you'd be shocked to find out where Abba is really from — they totally mastered that Philly Soul Sound!

          • Tundra Grifter

            CK:

            I believe that record label was "Phil-A-of-Soul."

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            Haven't heard of them; Gamble & Huff and Philadelphia International Records are most associated with the Philly Soul Sound.
            http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philadelphia_Interna

          • Tundra Grifter

            CK:

            I think this was their label. Sorry – I don't know how to post links here. Google "Phil L.A. of Soul" and you'll see the classic fish skeleton label on many 45's.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

            To post a link, type the left angle bracket, followed by the letter "a," followed by a space followed by the letters "href" followed by the equals sign followed by open quotes. Paste the link immediately after the open_quote, then close the quote and enter the right angle bracket, followed by the word which will embody the link. Close the HTML by entering the left angle bracket after the word, followed by a backslash, the letter "a," and the right angle bracket. Thus, (a href="LINKYTEXTY")LINKWORD(/a), except you replace the parentheses with the angle brackets.

          • Tundra Grifter

            PAZ:

            Piece of cake.

            Thank you!

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

            You're always welcome, my friend. Happy to be of service.

          • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

            Thanks, Z!

            Did it work?

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

            Like a dream, sweetheart! I've always secretly wanted to be the Pink Panther!

        • Extemporanus

          And likewise, if behind is in front, then dirt in truth is clean…

        • Lionel[redacted]Esq

          Had my first dance with my first girl friend to "Whiter Shade of Pale." God, I'm a geek.

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            That song sounds like it should be played at wakes.

          • not that Dewey
        • tcaalaw

          I was very surprised to find they were actually a bunch of British white guys; that song really sounds like it's sung by a black dude.

          … the hell??? Have you had your hearing checked?

    • __kth__

      Also what a reporter turns when her interviewee breaks out, with little forewarning, a reference to man-on-dog sex.

    • Come here a minute

      Mitt skips the light fandago! Sixteen vestal virgins? The Mooslims have the Mormons beat by 56!

      • PubOption

        Did he also turn cartwheels on the floor?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

      Not to nitpick, or nuthin', but it might be a smidge difficult for him to be a *blacker* shade of pale, no?

  • neiltheblaze

    With Rick it's impossible to know where "brain fart " ends and "premeditated dog whistle" begins.

    • Loaded_Pants

      I vote for brain fart. I don't think he's bright enough to say anything premeditated.

      • neiltheblaze

        Though, his epic grandstanding in the Terri Shiavo case was pretty premeditated.

        • Loaded_Pants

          Huh, I had forgotten about that.
          I do recall being amazed at Bill Frist making a "diagnoses" of Terri & saying that she wasn't in a vegetative state based on yrs-old video footage of her. That man was a medical genius, wasn't he?

          • neiltheblaze

            He was positively psychic.

          • Mort_Sinclair

            Your astute observation of the small synaptic gap between "brain fart" and "premediated dog whistle" is priceless. Entirely quotable.

    • Rotundo_

      Ricky is so tightassed that when he farts dogs probably do howl.

    • PsycWench

      Why not "premeditated dog fart"?

      • http://sickrantorum.com KenLayIsAlive

        That's what his breath smells like.

  • Baconzgood

    Smart move. Being a racist never lost you votes in S.C. except with blacks. But, if that new voter law passes we won't have to worry about blacks voting…smart move.

    • SorosBot

      Luckily, unlike the other states with the Voter ID bullshit, under the Voting Rights Act changes to South Carolina's voting laws need to be approved by the Justice Department, and they've decided to block it.

      • Baconzgood

        5-4 in the high court. I'll give you odds….

        • Angry_Marmot

          "Who's put pubic hair on my Fifteenth Amendment?"

        • Dashboard_Jesus

          but can I get better odds than 5-4?

      • Guppy

        Preclearance certainly hasn't stopped Florida any.

    • http://sickrantorum.com KenLayIsAlive

      It's the GOP Primary, you don't ever have to worry about Blah people voting in that.

  • Baconzgood

    Tee-Hee

    "Polling Santorum"

    • snickersnack

      I must have had too much to drink, because it took me a minute.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Good to see Baconzgood didn't have a fatal head splosion oilier today.

    In other news…A whiter shade of blah.
    ~

  • Callyson

    Does that mean Ricky *does* have an answer to the question that stumped Chairman MacDonald?
    For anyone who missed that gem: http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2012/01/11/c-span-call

    • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

      As trolls go, that one was pretty cleverly constructed to embed the insane/obscene part at the end of a preface that seemed appropriate.

      Who says craftsmanship is a lost art?

      • C_R_Eature

        Well, so I'm driving to work this morning listening to "Washington Journal" because it's just what I do sometimes and an older, well spoken gentleman calls and immediately begins berating CSPAN for allowing this spate of crude and obscene calls of late. CSPAN host apologizes, says they try to screen calls carefully but they operate without a delay and they just do what they can. Caller is mollified, goes into an excellent analysis of the voting rationale of the New Hampshire voter's expectations vis-a-vis Romney's philosophy and ends with "However most of those people were only voting for Romney because he has a Big Penis." *CLICK*

        I was laughing so hard I cried and I had to pull over, thankfully was not drinking coffee at that moment. It was the best set-up I ever heard and it totally got me. Zero for Two for CSPAN, in as many days.

        • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

          I'll assume that would be the last one in this series?

          Absolutely feckin' brilliant! I mean, I'd never vote for Romney anyway, of course, not simply because of his economic policies, but also because I just don't trust him. Even so, I must say that I do have a particularly sizable penis.

    • SoBeach

      So juvenile. So pointless. So crass. Why do I find stuff like that so funny I just about pee myself?

  • Blueb4sunrise

    So Romney is bl?

  • MissTaken

    How much paler than Romney can we go? Full albino?

    • Angry_Marmot

      Cave fish translucent.

    • Rotundo_

      Callista.

      • http://littlegreenfootballs.com/article/39308_Breitbarts_Fans_Spew_Racism_Call_for_President_Obama_t glamourdammerung

        I think something about at least appearing human was implied.

    • PsycWench

      Marble statue

    • tcaalaw

      Melanin libel!

    • Dashboard_Jesus

      those Morons DO seem to brown up pretty well in the sun, have you seen Huntsman, hell his tan looks like it's sprayed on with permanent marker (maybe there's some *colored* folk in their Moron ancestry after all?)

  • Callyson

    Santorum is polling at 14 percent in South Carolina, behind Gingrich at 21 percent and Romney at 23 percent
    Oh, the headlines…
    Santorum is Running Behind
    Santorum is Fading But Not Gone
    Santorum is Sticking To It
    Santorum is Persistent

    • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

      Santorum leaking support.

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        Santorum. You can't wash it out.

    • flamingpdog

      Santorum Trailing Gingrich.

    • Limeylizzie

      Santorum bringing up the rear and hoping to squeeze out a win.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Santorum Wiped Away By SC Results

    • LetUsBray

      Romney, Gingrich licking Santorum.

    • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

      Santorum smears Romney

    • http://parterre.com La_Cieca

      "Will SC Race Turn into 3-Way with Santorum?"

    • JimNauseam

      Will Santorum stay in?

    • Nostrildamus

      Santorum clings to bottom of GOP pack.

  • Beetagger

    Does Santorum coalesce or just ooze?

    • nounverb911

      Depends on how excited it gets.

    • emmelemm

      Does it dry up like a raisin in the sun?

      Or fester like a sore, then run?

      • Lionel[redacted]Esq

        Langston Hughes Libel!

        • emmelemm

          Did you catch the Bacon disease?

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      I'm pretty sure it first oozes, then coalesces.

  • SexySmurf

    Great strategy, Ricky. If there's one thing that Republican voters can't stand it's a rich male who's too white.

  • AlterNewt

    "Republican Candidate Makes Revealingly Racist Comment!!"

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      "Republican Candidate Makes Revealingly Racist Comment!!"

      Fixed.

  • Loaded_Pants

    To be fair to the SC conservatives, does SC have any Catholics?

    • Guppy

      Picking tobacco.

    • GlowneyHouse

      Around the Charleston area, but not many in the upstate.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Stephen Colbert, but I think he was imported from the north.

  • Barb

    I'm stunned he didn't come right out and call him a "whigger"

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Jesus, you're funny!

      • Barb

        Thanks Chet!

    • snickersnack

      Ice, Ice baby,

      • Barb

        Word to your mother!

    • horsedreamer_1

      Wm. Upski Wimsatt wrote the definitive wannabe gangsta apologia, "We use words like 'mackadocious'". I don't think Mitt does, though. So, not a wigger.

      • Biff

        Wigger, please!

  • Extemporanus

    Proctal Harem sucks ass, Rick.

    • SorosBot

      Downfist! Downfist!

    • OzoneTom

      Procol Harum on the other hand had a massive organ.

      • not that Dewey

        They took a lot of vitamin B3.

  • ThundercatHo

    I need to pick out a new paint, at first I was thinking blah, but now maybe I'll go with santorum.

    • WinterOuthouse

      Nice choice. The texture is very nice too.

  • MissTaken

    Santorum isn't very pale, either. In fact, it's a bit brown if you ask me.

    • SorosBot

      Well it's got a bit of white stuff mixed into it too.

      • MissTaken

        That's what makes it frothy

        • Lionel[redacted]Esq

          I will never be able to drink a cappuccino again.

          • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

            Rocky Road might be a challenge, too.

  • Baconzgood

    It amazes me that people know him. In PA he is our sheriff Joe, George Wallace, AHHHHHHHHHHGGHHGHGHGH!!! I DON'T EVEN WANT TO THINK ABOUT THE REST!!! He's a bad person. Very bad. The fact that he is this high up for the running shows to me how much of a shambles the tea party made the GOP. You know there was once a time that a republican cared in the state of PA. Heinz was his name..he cared. Ya' know when I was just of voting age I voted for him because the argument was "Yeah…He's too fucking rich to be bribed…..And he cares about people". I still think to this day, Heinz was being groomed for the 96 or 2000 election….FUCKING AIR ACCIDENTS!

    (this comment was 100% snark free)

    • SorosBot

      If Heinz had lived into the 2000s he'd be a RINO and probably been primaried out of office. And I remember that accident, it was when I was in High School and it was both weird and tragic; a plane crashed into a helicopter (can't remember which he was on) and then fell on a school playground during recess, killing several children as well.

      • Baconzgood

        I know. I grew up by the County Air Port in PGH. Very weird. Because both were low flying (and slow flying) air craft. No ATC would have that happen over a grammer school. It was odd. I'm not a parinoid weirdo but *pulls out my Glenn Beck chalk board* Look how Worhall was from PGH and painted MAO and Cambell's soup cans in the same style….Now look over here at these fluffy kittens playing cricket with George Sorros….Now here is where it gets "DEEP" with NORRAD and ACORN….

  • SayItWithWookies

    Oh, Santorum probably wasn't meaning anything untoward by saying Romney was just a paler version of President Obama, right? I mean, he wouldn't go on to compare himself to some notorious racist or anything practically in the same breath, would he? Oh, look:

    “Certainly Strom Thurmond did a whole lot as a senator from South Carolina,” Mr. Santorum said, drawing a comparison to his votes and those of Mr. Thurmond…

    Well I'm sure if we listen to Rick Santorum we won't have any of those problems that we're going to have.

    • neiltheblaze

      Ricky was channeling Trent Lott.

      • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

        That sounds really nasty.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      I took that to mean that he was planning to have an affair with his black maid.

  • CommieLibunatic

    Can someone just yell "GRAAAAAAA NEGRO IN THE WHITE HOUSE BLALALARLAAAAAAARRRG" and call it a day?

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    “We need contrasts,” Mr. Santorum said, “not just a paler shade of what we have.”

    I just assumed that Santorum meant that when you fucked Romney up the ass, you got less fecal matter.

    • MissTaken

      Oy!

  • BarackMyWorld

    Honkies be trippin'.

    • emmelemm

      Made me laugh!

    • tcaalaw

      Or, trippies be honkin', as the case may be.

  • MissTaken

    I'm really fucking tired of Santorum.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Well, there is always straight forward vaginal sex.

    • Bonzos_Bed_Time

      Condoms help.

  • Redhead

    "Evangelical leaders are actually planning to meet in Texas this weekend to figure things out. "

    Aren't we overdue for an earthquake? (Pssst, God, ya listening?)

    • Rotundo_

      If I thought it would do anything I would suggest praying for Texas to secede this weekend and all of the good Juh-heeez-zzusss people take it over as a nation/state. Think of the money and aggrevation we would all save.

      • MosesInvests

        If that happens, I want a corridor to Austin, like West Berlin. "Ich bin ein Austiner!"

    • Mondo_Cane

      isn't there something in the tax code about this?

  • Bluestatelibel

    This is Beyond the Pale.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Stop Russian into things.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Beyond the pail? That is a lot of santorum.

  • Schmannnity

    Rick's racial appeals might backfire once South Carolinians figure out that he's an Eyetalian.

    • http://sickrantorum.com KenLayIsAlive

      Down there in SC, being Eyetalian makes Ricky a lighter shade of Mexican.

  • MissTaken

    Speaking of inappropriately displayed dicks:
    http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/blogs/smitte

    • snickersnack

      I want to do this guy, or at least see the pic in question:
      "I think the only time I've ever actually taken a picture of my d*ck was from below it, so I could understand what my d*ck looks like from an bug's point of view. Because I'm a scientist."

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

        I'm willing to bet that most of the straight women who read this do, too.

        • snickersnack

          Ahh! You totally outed me.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

            Oops.

          • PsycWench

            A gay man on Wonkette? *clutches pearls* That has NEVER happened before.

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        But, he's got a bug on the bottom of his dick!

        • OhNoGuy

          Is this what they call a dick tick?

    • http://littlegreenfootballs.com/article/39308_Breitbarts_Fans_Spew_Racism_Call_for_President_Obama_t glamourdammerung

      I had nothing to do with this.

  • WinterOuthouse

    I didn't know Romney had African roots.

    • littlebigdaddy

      Well he is part Messican, which is bound to come out in good ol SC.

  • Mahousu

    I think what Santorum is saying, is that if we elect Romney, he'll be our first gray president.

  • PuglyDoRight

    I can't comment until I've seen Mitten's jump shot.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    Funny he should say that, I thought it was the Italians who think they're a paler shade of blahs. I shall have to consult "Saturday Night Fever" and some Spike Lee movies to get to the bottom of this.

    • doloras

      Certainly the neofascists of Northern Italy think that about their southern compatriots. "North of Rome is Europe; south of Rome is Africa."

      • littlebigdaddy

        Northern Italy is really southern Austria. Much less fun than farther south.

    • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer
      • ShaveTheWhales

        A Sicilian singing in fluent Jamaican. Who'd a thunk?

    • Biff

      Just watch more recent re-runs of "Jersey Shore".

    • Mort_Sinclair

      Certainly both the blah and the goombah vote are going to have to some hard cogitatin' to do on this one.

  • poncho_pilot

    i don't know what's going on but if it has something to do with sixteen vestal virgins i'm in.

  • tihond

    It's only days before Santorum starts claiming he said "naggers."

  • emmelemm

    Republican on Republican violence continues to be delicious!

    • littlebigdaddy

      I'm just cold waiting for the drive-bys.

      • http://sickrantorum.com KenLayIsAlive

        Exactly. Needs moar uzis.

  • BigDumbRedDog

    Paler than blah. Would that make him wah?

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Schmittens is definitely wah. Now, santorum is more "gah". And by that, I don't mean ghey. Just "GAH".

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

    Who's "we," Rick?

    When is one of these geniuses gonna call the President "the N***** in the woodpile"?

  • http://livebythefoma.blogspot.com Pop_Socket

    "What's this 'we', white man?"

  • ttommyunger

    Well, this certainly clinches the inbred, mouth-breathing, sister fucking trailer dwelling shit-kicker vote for Rick. Well said, Rick, well said…

    • http://sickrantorum.com KenLayIsAlive

      That's about 80% of the SC GOP electorate.

      • Loaded_Pants

        You think it's only 80%?

      • ttommyunger

        Gawd, I hate it, but I must agree with you.

    • BornInATrailer

      I dunno, I'm still not voting for him.

      • ttommyunger

        I might, if the Pope has a kid.

  • Negropolis

    And, Santorum would know being a darker shade of shit than what we have…Jus' sayin', Rick; you're a piece of shit, you wide-hipped, pea-brained gabagool.

  • ElPinche

    I think Santo Rectum is also pointing out that Mitt is a meh. (mescan)

  • CapnFatback

    Just another case of the pot calling the kettle white.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    I don't see what the big deal is. TebowIsAFag67 said the same thing on the Yahoo message boards yesterday.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Rick, you are in dire need of getting a lit firecracker shoved up your tight, constipated ass, because that's the only bang you're ever going to get.

    Fuck you also, and by that I mean not now, not ever.

    EQ

  • Dashboard Buddha

    Man…this dude has tripped the light fandango.

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    Isn't Ricky a whiter shade of pale? (apologies to Procol Harem)

  • kingofmeh

    i, for one, welcome our octoroon overlords.

  • bikerlaureate

    He closed his answer with a plea to the Tea Party, declaring: “I’ll keep faith with them and say no earmarks, but I need the Tea Party to keep faith with me. I need them to go out and help me educate the American people if I’m president of the United States about what the problems are in this country that are going to bankrupt this country.”

    Such as… a couple of recent wars and tax cut extensions?

  • Bonghits4Jesus

    In the case of Santorum, it should be “yet to congeal”. http://spreadingsantorum.com/

  • DahBoner

    I know it's been said before:

    When Mitt Romney Came to Town, there was nothing but Santorum Left Behind

  • http://protoplasm.wordpress.com/ Preacher_Griz

    I for one am willing to overlook Sen Mr Rick Santorum's deficiencies as a not-true Conservative Christian if he continues to prove he is willing to call a spade a spade.

    Because let's face it. Although we are clearly not racists, it is just as clear that negroes lack the proper equipment to be President. That is just a fact. And this allahbama fellow is even worse because he isn't even well-spoken, like that Bryant Gumble fellow.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Dude, you're scaring me. That parody is extremely accurate.

  • notreelyhelping

    One can only imagine what shade his campaign manager turned upon hearing this.

  • mavenmaven

    A paler shade of Santorum is a clinical symptom of hepatitis.

  • http://strangestoriesaboutsadpeople.blogspot.com/ Thedongsofwar

    "Just a whiter/shade of palllllle"

  • Slim_Pickins

    So he is saying Manning has a point, I still don't understand how the porter got naming rights, that usually takes a BIG cash donation.

  • Slim_Pickins

    So he is saying Manning has a point. I still don't understand how the porter got naming rights, that usually takes a BIG cash donation.

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    Aw, we won't be hard on you for that.

    • C_R_Eature

      Whew! That's a relief. *begins to unpack*

      • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

        I'm just glad that this is being fought out through wordplay and not violence. People should understand that the penis mightier than the sword.

        • C_R_Eature

          You get an Official Gold Star for the weekend, just for that.

  • Buckminster

    The "job creator" is a near!

  • http://littlegreenfootballs.com/article/39308_Breitbarts_Fans_Spew_Racism_Call_for_President_Obama_t glamourdammerung

    It says a lot about teatards and Santorum that he is upping the racism just to get in good with them.

  • rickmaci

    At this point, the Republican primary campaign is in total No Fear, No Shame mode.