miracles really do happen

Fred Karger Achieves Dream of Beating Bachmann In At Least One Primary

It's a late Festivus present!

SHAME on your Wonkette for forgetting to follow up on the final results for the 9th thru 87th place finishers in the New Hampshire GOP primary! Well anyway, here is the “important” part: the (openly) gay dude beat Michele Bachmann! She quit the race several days before the primary of course, but that is SO not going to spoil Fred Karger’s party.

From the Advocate:

“Congresswoman Bachmann was in 12 national debates, raised $10 to $12 million, received massive news coverage, has huge name ID and we beat her in New Hampshire,” Karger cheered in a statement. “Early last month I said that I wanted to beat Santorum or Bachmann in New Hampshire. It’s a big win for me.”

A fair enough point. A search of the Wonkette archives turns up several million weepy posts about Michele Bachmann’s lunacy, and a whole one about Karger, whose actual official campaign slogan is “Fred Who?”

Well now we have the answer: “Gay man Fred Karger, who is better loved by New Hampshire Republicans than famous homophobe beard Michele Bachmann,” is who. DON’T PICK UP THE PHONE, Fred Karger, if Marcus Bachmann calls to offer a special concession kiss. [Twitter/ Advocate]

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        1. Loaded_Pants

          Oh you should just see the little snits GOProud gets itself into. They're like stereotypes of catty, mean & bitter queens.
          They make the Log Cabin Republicans look sane & well-adjusted.

          1. Loaded_Pants

            I recall that, around the time W was "elected", there was a gay conservative group that popped up that got an endorsement from Barry Goldwater. I can't remember the name of it but I know that it didn't last very long. GOProud's just the current version of such groups. They don't seem to take the hint that because the party is dominated by moralizing bullies, they aren't welcome under the alleged "big tent".

          2. Spurning Beer

            I only know one gay Republican — interior designer, Southern Baptist, hostile when drunk — and generalizing from his example, I think it's the same phenomenon as black or (non-Cuban) Latino Republicans. They want to assimilate. They want to be respected by the yacht club/country club popular kids.

          3. Loaded_Pants

            The only major gay Republican I met lived in the Windsor Farms community here. He was neighbors with the Hager family that Jenna Bush would marry into. He and his partner had residences in Richmond & NYC. Ironically, he was also one of Madonna's hairstylists. He has tons of money & is a mean drunk, too. So…no surprises there.

          4. Negropolis

            Wait, gay and still considers himself a Southern Baptist? That's even worse than being a non-religious gay Republican. There are few things Southern Baptists hate more than gays.

          5. BigDumbRedDog

            that too, but being the stupidest republican is more of an insult. i mean, there are a LOT of stupid republicans.

  1. Fare la Volpe

    I said that I wanted to beat Santorum or Bachmann in New Hampshire. It’s a big win for me.

    That's kind of like saying, "Our goal was to summarily defeat either the Roman Empire or the Republic of Djibouti. I'm glad to say we can call today a victory."

    1. neiltheblaze

      Yes, that's that's the game where Shelly puts on the Cat Woman costume, and Marcus wears pumps, garters, and a feather boa.

      1. SorosBot

        Marcus has to close his eyes and think about buff football players in the locker room after the game, horsing around with each other…

  2. edgydrifter

    On the other hand, Fred, one might say you barely beat a person who was both unambiguously insane and not actually running anymore. And who, as you point out, may have ten or twelve million dollars sitting in the bank–enough to keep Marcus in plus-sized fishnet stockings basically forever. GG, Fred. You the man!

  3. BigDumbRedDog

    This reminds me of that time that my softball team actually won a game because the other team forgot to show up. That was an awesome day.

  4. Baconzgood

    It was the news coverage that fucked her. You might be THAT bat shit insane in your little corner of Jessie "The Body" country, but when the nation hears Minn. on the news, all the MST3K fans stand up and listen. Bachmann you are funny BUT NOT A CROW T. ROBOT FUNNY!!!!

    1. Loaded_Pants

      God, I loved that show.
      I think Kevin Murphy's "A Year at the Movies: One Man's Filmgoing Odyssey" is one of the best books about movies. I wish he'd do a follow-up. Mike Nelson's books aren't too shabby, either.

    1. Loaded_Pants

      Marcus loves this position because he doesn't have to look at her face. Instead, he can just look at her broad shoulders & think of a 19-yr-old twink that he's "curing".

  5. coolhandnuke

    Not having a whiff of an idea what a Fred Karger looks like, I would hope he is the doppleganger to Dan Ackroyd's SNL character Fred Gavin male prostitute.

  6. Callyson

    “Now, it's off to Michigan for its primary next month," Karger said. "I will be competing in Michigan primary no matter what.”
    South Carolina and Florida, on the other hand, can forget it unless they pony up $10-12M…

    1. Negropolis

      Please. Michigan is moved to a date that may make it far less consequential, but Karger couldn't compete here even then. This is a state with a single metropolitan area as populous as the entire state of South Carolina. Good luck getting on television in that media market, and that's not even to mention West Michigan, another region with a population over a million.

    1. Loaded_Pants

      "fringe candidate Vermin Supreme"

      In a story about Ron Paul's campaign, no less. Was the writer even paying attention?

  7. ManchuCandidate

    It's like saying you beat a dead guy in a foot race. IIRC Mish's campaign was pronounced dead in Iowa.

    Hey look at this way Fred, you're still better than John Ashcroft.

  8. Harry_S_Truman

    Marcus Bachmann, responding to the news of his wife getting beat by an openly gay man, said, "Oh, that naughty boy."

  9. MzNicky

    Yay for the Gay Guy Freddie Krueger! Oh wait, that's someone else, isn't it. Well — YAY for him anyway, whoever he is!

  10. ttommyunger

    Does Fred run a prison ministry? Sounds like he's hit his head against the bars one too many times.

  11. HistoriCat

    Damn it. You win this round.

    I used to think that a black Muslin lesbian in a wheelchair couldn't be topped … then I realized the concept was only humorous if she was a Republican.

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