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Fuck you.Indefensible lifelong asshole Jerry Lewis, Republican crook from California’s “Inland Empire,” will finally retire from the House because his district is no longer a geometric abomination carved out by his GOP cronies. Lewis, a hateful clown in a white fright wig, has spent his career being a complete asshole while lavishing pork projects on his district as long as they were named for “Representative Jerry Lewis.”

A Democrat will easily win the new district, the lines of which were drawn up by a committee of voters, so they reflect the actual population in the region (heavily Latino) of poor and working-class Californians. Jerry Lewis will spend the last years of his miserable life greasing palms on Capitol Hill for some lobbying firm or another. He sucks. [LA Times/Huffington Post]

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  • GunToting[Redacted]

    Mon Dieu!

  • neiltheblaze

    With that overbite I bet he sucks real good.

    • Bet those are woodies like Geo. Washington and can come out for the gum jobs.

  • That's "Congressman Jerkoff" to you, sir.

  • DrunkIrishman

    Who knew Peter Graves was still alive and representing the Inland Empire?

    • send him to a Turkish prison

    • MaxNeanderthal

      The likelihood of someone who looks like that spending a lot of time watching gladiator movies is sooooo high….

    • ttommyunger

      I think Pete is dead. This dick's soul is all that's dead.

  • Barb

    I thought that was Calista, without makeup there for a sec.

  • cuzcorrelation

    My first question when I saw the headline was "which one?"

    • Callyson

      How I wish I could use the "All of 'em, Katie" response…

    • Tundra Grifter

      One down. A couple of hundred to go.

    • banana_bread

      You're not the only one!

  • Hey Laaady! I'm outta here!

    • DahBoner

      Women just have no sense of humor!

  • Limeylizzie

    I hope he takes some time to get his teeth-whitened, now that he won't be so busy sucking Koch.

    • Get them a shade closer to his hair and skin, eh?

  • pinkocommi

    Comedian Jerry Lewis hasn't made me laugh since I first saw Boing Boing. Yet, Congressman Jerry Lewis is inherently laughable. Oh, the irony!

  • Come here a minute

    The one thing that's puzzling is why the French think he's such a genius.

    • Tundra Grifter

      The eat snails, love Jerry Lewis and hate Disneyland.

      Kinda says it all, now doesn't it?

      • Guppy

        "hate Disneyland"

        Living in Florida, I can totally relate.

      • comrad_darkness

        If they hate Disneyland why did they build one outside Paris?

        • Tundra Grifter

          Just because you build it doesn't mean they will come.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            The German tourists will.

  • nounverb911

    First his telethon, now this, Lewis must be getting old.

  • edgydrifter

    Jerry Lee Lewis: Gifted but troubled musician. Reported to be an asshole.
    Jerry Lewis: Comedian, philanthropist, Legion of Honor. Known asshole.
    Jerry Lewis: Dickwad scumbag corrupt Republican. Colossal asshole.

    Something about that name…

    • MaxNeanderthal

      Great balls of fire……….

    • It's kinda like "John Wayne," innit? You know, as in "Gacy."

      • poncho_pilot

        is this comment your Waterloo for the evening?

        • I am SO telling Marcus on ya.

          • flamingpdog

            Better than positioning Marcus on ya.

          • Ew. I thought we wuz frenz. You know I just don't go for that Silver Fox look.

  • BigDumbRedDog

    That guy looks like a commercial for denture cream.

  • veritass

    Reading a Ken Layne post is the most refreshing thing possible at 4PM on a work day.

    Just when you think the daily buildup of bullshit is becoming too much to handle, you read some genius angst-y snark like the above 2 paragraphs and you can feel your own personal anger just leaving your body and landing on the nearest dead terrorist. Err… metaphorically.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Wow. It really says something about this unibrowed motherfucker that even Breitbart says he's too corrupt.

    And now I'm off to give myself a nice Silkwood shower after reading some of the BigGovernment comments.

    • Rotundo_

      When you've leaped that hurdle you know you've reached a "lifetime achievement award". For Andy to label a republican as corrupt is sort of like Queen Elizabeth The Second knighting the dude.

  • Crank_Tango

    No I'm not joking, and don't call me Shirley.

  • Maybe Congressman Jerkoff can do a comedy team with Russia's Vladimir Puta. They could corner the Euro market from Biarritz in France to Tallinn in Estonia. Archetype 'Murican plus archetype Rooskie. What could go wrong?

  • Schmannnity

    Rolling Stone's "The King of Payoffs" is dead. Long live the king.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    So, Ken, which congressional district do you live in?

    And if you all could just redistrict Darrell Issa out of existence, or at least into prison, the world would be a much better place.

    • I've lived in Issa's district, too. Thankfully, it was before he slithered into office — of course it was another right-wing corrupt toad before that, but at least it wasn't Weeping Fuckface Darrell Issa.

  • Not_So_Much

    Fuck this fucker and the gray marmot that rode in on his head. He's been a boil on the ass of California for far too long. And this is a state that knows from ass boils.

  • chicken_thief

    So Boner will be the last of the Orange People in the House?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    That cunt. Oops, I meant to post that on the next thread.

  • fuflans

    was orly taitz his dentist?

    gah.

    • emmelemm

      ZIng! Seriously, those chompers….

  • I will admit, Ken, that I often find fault with your posts, as us quibbling hoi polloi will, despite my outward protestations of love and gratitude for Teh Wonketz.

    But today, sir, I have no fault to find. Every word of this post is pure solid gold. You have summed up the asshole well.

  • Callyson

    Those eyes…
    …Jerry Lewis and Michele Bachmann: separated at birth?

  • Golfing_OJ

    Starring Peter Graves!

    • BarackMyWorld

      Your economy will self-destruct in five seconds. Good luck, Jim!

    • Jerri

      James Arness: Ugly and Stupid. Tonight on Biography.

    • DaRooster

      "Have you ever seen a grown man naked?"

      Somehow I can see a bit of Sandusky in this guy… and not like that.

  • jus_wonderin

    Well, I mean, Deano couldn't get along with him either, so, there's that.

  • MissTaken

    Another reason to thank my lucky stars I live in Garamendi's district.

  • MissTaken

    That picture up there is why grown men should not, I repeat, SHOULD NOT, try for a Justin Bieber hair-do.

  • user-of-owls

    Growing up near the coast in Mass., we kids used to occasionally see the commercial fishermen scraping barnacles off the hulls of their rusted chum-buckets. They used a tool that looked nearly identical to this prick's teeth.

  • CapnFatback

    "Jerk off," "Retiring," "Congress."

    What is "three things I use a bed for," Alex?

  • Alt-text of the year! (So far, anyway.)

  • lochnessmonster

    Only run for office if it's a cake walk. If you have to put any effort into it, why bother? he'll either become a Fox Noise contributor or a lobbyist for???

    • Q: What's a lobbyistfer?
      A: Fer poopin', silly! (on our democracy).

  • Guppy

    With a title like that, it must be a Ken Layne piece!

  • mavenmaven

    How can he represent Inland Empire without a mullet?

  • hagajim

    He's only a jerkoff because Larry Craig left.

  • flamingpdog

    Does this mean the firemen won't be blocking off the major intersections in my hometown on Labor Day to coerce request money for his kids anymore?

  • not that Dewey

    Boy. Put this guy and Tagg Romney in a room, and watch Chris Hansen collapse on the floor, twitching.

    • Please don't. At least not unless you seal the entire area and then release something that will wipe all organic life out within the confines of the room.

  • Nothing about former Representative Mark Deli Siljander (R) and his prison sentence today?

  • WinterOuthouse

    Asshole Libel

  • ttommyunger

    Word bubble over this prick's head- "Have you ever seen a grown man naked?"

    • "Do you like movies about gladiators?"

      • ttommyunger

        Heh, heh, you said cockpit. No, wait! I just imagined that! Me and my filthy mind….

        • On the *plus* side, now *everybody* knows why I'm always calling you a slut!

          Ah, fegiddaboudit, they've always known.

          • ttommyunger

            Ah resembles that accusation!

  • Schmegeg

    I bet he gets great reviews in France.

  • BZ1

    he'll just go back to running the Telethon

  • DrOzarkZ.Hellbender

    The Day the Assclown Cried

  • Rosie_Scenario

    In France, they consider him a geniuis.

  • Geminisunmars

    Ewww.

    • poncho_pilot

      indeed.

  • You knowz I luvz ya, right? RIGHT?

    OK. 'Cause I just wanna say that you are ONE SICK LI'L PUPPEH, dood. (runs off to find gallon size container of eye/brain bleach)

    • poncho_pilot

      hey, some people jam up the highways so they can see if there are any mangled bodies in the car wreck up ahead. i at least wish for situations that don't happen or might never happen like One L and Marcus making The Beast With Two Bachmanns.

      love ya, too :)

      • I had just recovered from the previous imagining of those two coupled in sweaty not-lust, when … (barfing sounds heard stage left)

  • MinAgain

    He's just not been the same since Martin and Lewis broke up.

  • horsedreamer_1

    I cannot wait 'til the District elects the first Meth lab to Congress.

  • He's probably nice to dogs.

  • Biff

    I admit to missing voting against this asshat since I moved across the border, but I have plenty of NV asshats to also vote against, too.

  • henryclay

    Ken, you outdid yourself. Best writing award goes to you, my friend!

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