your new nelson mandela

James O’Keefe ‘N Friends Maybe Going To Prison, For Being Idiots

Prison is a great place to turn tricks!

Doofus dildo monster James O’Keefe’s Project Veritas has irrevocably proven that activists with his group were able to obtain a few ballots in the New Hampshire primary under false pretenses by assuming the identities of very recently deceased people whose names still appeared on the rolls, which is VOTER FRAUD. See how easy it was to cast a fraudulent ballot without an ID in this isolated type of instance? They filmed it, in order to prove just how easily they were able to commit fraud. Look, here is the video that shows them doing the fraud! They put it on the Internet! Here world, we’ve committed a felony! And now the video is being investigated by the New Hampshire state Attorney General’s office, and local election officials want them prosecuted, and James O’Keefe can’t understand why he hasn’t preemptively been awarded next year’s Pulitzer yet. reports:

[Nashua City Clerk Paul] Bergeron said this morning he believes the filmmakers may have committed a federal crime, as well, if they crossed state lines to record the undercover video, and should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.

“It’s against the law to steal, so if you go out and steal and then put up a video and say, ‘Look, I stole something,’ that’s a crime. What these people did was a crime; they stole a person’s identity and used it to ty to obtain a ballot that would be used in a state election,” said Bergeron.

“They recorded it without election officials’ knowledge, which apears to be a violation of our New Hampshire wiretapping codes, and some of these are out of state residents, so I don’t know if violations of wiretapping or ID theft could hold up in court, but if they crossed state lines to commit these crimes, it may be a federal crime as well. This is serious; we won’t tolerate voter fraud, regardless of what the intent might be,” Bergeron said.

What is the big DEEAAAAL James O’Keefe demands to know. The media basically just commits felonies all the time, THAT IS HOW REPORTING WORKS, sheesh.

“I notice a contempt and a hostility from the media establishment towards us,” O’Keefe told the [Boston] Herald yesterday. “The journalism establishment is not very friendly to me or to our work product, when they’ve been using these tactics for decades.”

We liked him better when he was trying to trick CNN ladies onto cruise boats full of lube. [Patch/ Boston Herald]

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      1. Generation[redacted]

        Sacrifice a half million potential lives for a moment of pleasure? Shoot, I did that in the shower this morning!

    1. GOPCrusher

      I'm bothered when I read them say "They MAY have committed a Federal crime". Leaves the door open for the possibility of them walking away, scot-free, with a "boys will be boys" pat on the back.
      This asshole needs to be in a Federal pound you in the ass prison for the maximum sentence.

  1. MittsHairHelmet

    It's not a crime if you tape it and tell everyone about it right after you do it. That's criminal law 101.

      1. tessiee

        I'm not sure exactly what a "brain felony" is, but I do know that you can't have a stomach ache unless you have a stomach.

    1. Mojopo

      It really takes a special kind of a-hole to film himself committing fraud. This so reminds me of the kids picking fights with hobos on YouTube, or sorority girls having a drunk game of mailbox baseball. "Ooops, did I do bad? Are you gonna call the cops?" Pulitzer Prize in-fuckin-deed.

  2. nounverb911

    "The media basically just commits felonies all the time, "
    Fox Noise claims O'Keefe is being targeted in 3…2…1…

    1. Texan_Bulldog

      I didn't know there were any blah Republicans in NH. Maybe that's where James went wrong–needs more ACORN!!!1!!1

  3. memzilla

    Can't wait to hear Der Rushenführer defend this toad: "Federal election fraud, illegal wiretapping, and conspiracy… in defense of liberty… is no vice!"

    No, it's about twenty years of making small rocks out of big rocks at Leavenworth.

  4. BaldarTFlagass

    "They filmed it, in order to prove just how easily they were able to commit fraud."

    The Gang That Couldn't Shoot Straight. That there is a big giant heap o'dumbass.

      1. Mojopo

        I only filmed the directions for check-washing, and then cashed those checks, to show my parole officer how stupid people are to put things in the mail.

        1. Lascauxcaveman

          I only stole all those cars to try to convince Detroit to add more adavanced anti-theft features. And for the money. The chop shop was giving me over a grand for each of those babies.

  5. Not_So_Much

    I somehow doubt that his 'pimp hand is strong' enough to emerge unsullied by his prison experience…

  6. GregComlish

    When will somebody upload the video that shows how easy it is to beat the shit out of James O'Keefe?

  7. Callyson

    So, the IOKIYAR defense does not fly? In *New Hampshire* yet?
    And please send him to Maricopa County. Pink undies for Dildo Man!

  8. MittsHairHelmet

    I mean don't you remember when Woodward and Bernstein broke into the Democratic headquarters at the Watergate hotel to prove that Nixon could've done that if he wanted to?

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Yeah, just make like you're Rorschach, in "Watchmen," and it will be smooth sailing for you.

  9. OkieDokieDog

    I'm not a member of the media establishment and I have nothing but contempt and disgust for James Dildo O'Keefe. I'll let his future cell mates dole out the much deserved hostility.

  10. Redhead

    “The journalism establishment is not very friendly to me or to our work product, when they’ve been using these tactics for decades.”

    Note to O'Keefe: Murdoch's UK holdings and their tactics used in their tabloids do not constitute "the journalism establishment" or the tactics used by said establishment.

    1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

      And, yet, Ironically, Murdoch's holdings are the only ones that are friendly to Mr. O'Keeffe.

    1. DaRooster

      Like the guy in our town that robbed a bookstore (yes a fucking bookstore WTF?!?!) and bragged about it on FB.

  11. BaldarTFlagass

    "James O’Keefe can’t understand why he hasn’t preemptively been awarded next year’s Pulitzer yet."

    Oh, I'm sure he'll get the Conservapulitzer.

    1. Dudleydidwrong

      He'll be pullin something, cause somebody is going to say "Pull it, sir!" And it will be a real prize.

    1. GunToting[Redacted]

      According to some weekend MSNBC viewing, since most prisons have banned smoking, bitches are now exchanged for containers of tuna or mackerel. Oily fish is the new currency.

      1. MrsBiggTime

        Good to know they're looking out for prisoners' health, but according to the sturgeon general, smoked fish may be hazardous to your health as well.
        Whatever. Soon ol' James will be Chicken of the C-Block.

        1. tessiee

          "but according to the
          sturgeon general,
          smoked fish may be hazardous to your health as well."

          I see what you did there. XD

  12. SayItWithWookies

    Well this should settle the debate over whether we need more restrictive voting ID laws — apparently enforcing the existing ones (the familiar anti-gun-control trope) works just fine.

  13. BaldarTFlagass

    It's OK, they're just a bunch of wacky youngsters, and this is no worse than a harmless frat prank.

  14. VaWyo

    "not friendly to our work product" ?? You are a dumbass and your work product is stupid. No one should be friendly to you.

  15. freakishlywrong

    “The journalism establishment is not very friendly to me or to our work product"
    a.)There is no "journalism establishment" you fuckwit, haven't you been paying attention?
    b). Your "work product" is the Santorum of the media. And that's a low bar.

  16. gurukalehuru

    The fact that he got caught in the act, before showing the film, because one of the ladies at the voting place happened to have been married to one of the recently deceased people whose names were used, proves that his whole premise is wrong.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      "one of the ladies at the voting place happened to have been married to one of the recently deceased people"

      Is that true? Cosmic fucking justice!! AHAHAHHAHAHA!

    2. KenLayIsAlive

      Please. The last thing James O'Keefe ever realizes about his stupid videos is that they were wrong.

      "Oh the ACORN guy called the cops on me? Well, lets leave that out."

      The guy is the biggest lying piece of shit that ever fucking had the spotlight on him.

  17. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I'm sure that FOX News, who constantly complained about the many illegal activities associated with OWS will have an in deep report on all of its shows about the illegal activities of activist Conservative press, highlighting Mr. O'Keefe. Right?

  18. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    You know who else committed felonies related to elections in the name of Republican party?

  19. chicken_thief

    Once incarcerated, if Bubba films his ass raping of O'Queef, then it's just butt sex, not rape, amiright? And pretty much ok, cause it is documenting how easy it is to cornhole little Jimmy.

  20. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Isn't it interesting that for all the complaints about ACORN and voter fraud, the only proof we have of actual voter fraud is by Republicans?

    1. spinozasgod

      I live in Wisconsin and the only voter fraud case was 2 elderly people who absentee voted and then voted in person because Rush encouraged it during the 2008 election to keep the lefties out of office

  21. MissTaken

    This is illegal??! But he's a white! Yet another example of diminishing white power thanks to all that competitive breeding.

  22. CapnFatback


    Madams and Sirs,

    Your sons or daughters may be considering a future career in arts or communications. They may be requesting video equipment or acing lessons for their birthday or bah mitzvah. I am here to implore you to quash any such aspirations and withhold any resources that may enable these delusional chimeras to take sway. Unless they are ready to renounce your political leanings, your children will succeed at little in their pursuit to become actors or rappers or "advocacy journalists," other than to serve as constant public reminders of their douchi-ness and of your failures as parents to prevent them from sticking their metaphorical forks into America's wall socket.

    Yours in Crisis,

    Cap'n Fatback

    1. FlownOver

      Oh, I dunno… if the thespian aspirations of conservatives' younglings are blocked, who will fill the openings (so to speak) in America's vital porn industry? Jerbs first!

  23. elviouslyqueer

    O’Keefe told the Herald yesterday, “The journalism establishment is not very friendly to me or to our work product

    Girl, be for real. Your calling yourself a journalist is about as "in the realm of fantasy" as my claiming to be a virgin.

  24. Generation[redacted]

    Uh oh. They're mad. Maybe he could smooth things over, by offering to fix their phones.

  25. Guppy

    Meh. If he could weasel his way out of charges in the Landrieu wiretapping incident, he can weasel his way out of this.

  26. poorgradstudent

    So in O'Keefe's Skool of Big Kid Journalism, the lesson is if you want a hard-hitting investigation on, say, violent sociopaths you should stab a loved one in the neck and watch the life drain from their eyes.

    1. Fukui_sanYesOta

      and film it. You should preferably wear an amusing costume while doing it as well – clown, maybe, or the hamburgler.

  27. KeepFnThatChicken

    In Iowa, maybe it could have mattered with eight little paper ballots between first and second place. But in NH where Magic Mitt trounced Santorum like a good Christian bully, the few votes they sneaked ain't shit.

    1. outragedcitizen

      That is the point totally lost on this dipshit. Anyone, (I'm looking at you GOP), who is going to commit voter fraud is going to do it in numbers with at least three zeros, maybe four or five zeros behind them not by stealing the id of a couple of dead guys.

    2. EvilleMike

      I didn't see them actually walk away with any of the ballots – much less cast any votes. There were a coupla times when they took the ballot, but then handed it back.

      But your point is a good one. If this is happening as much as they fear, then why would the Dems lose any important election?

  28. CapnFatback

    What did I miss? I just came back from the bathroom. It had been a while since I took an "O'Keefe's work product."

  29. Fukui_sanYesOta

    He noted that under New Hampshire's state Constitution, any resident who commits voter fraud can permanently lose their right to vote.

    "If these are New Hampshire residents they should lose their right to vote forever, in addition to fines or imprisonment. I take it seriously, and people shouldn't dismiss this as just a harmless stunt; it's not," Bergeron said.

    Ho ho ho. Fingers crossed, eh, readers?

  30. BaldarTFlagass

    Journalism? Dude, the only place your tactics would qualify as journalism is on the "Eyewitness Wants to Know" segment on the local newscast. Maybe you can get a job pulling this kind of shit at the FOX affiliate in Missoula, Montana, once you get out on parole.

    1. Terry

      No, put him up in Wasilla, AK, where the only miscreants around to trap in stings are members of the extended Palin family.

  31. mavenmaven

    No, republican criminals don't go to jail nor do they need to account for criminal activities. Only blah people do.

  32. Maman

    Isn't he on parole or something? Wouldn't that automatically get him tossed? Can we argue it is a federal violation and get him tossed into SuperMax?

    1. Fukui_sanYesOta

      He's on probation and needs to get a magistrate to agree to any out-of-state journeys.

      Hopefully he was in NH and forgot to ask permission.

    2. Dashboard Buddha

      When he's in Supermax he can write articles for Newsmax about sexual attacks made by the blacks.

      (edited for your pleasure)

  33. BaldarTFlagass

    "James O’Keefe ‘N Friends Maybe Going To Prison, For Being Idiots"

    Hoist by their own petard! With all the doubling down on prison sentences that has gone on in this country with the rise of privatized incarceration firms and their lobbying of various legislatures for more severe sentences to be handed out, there's a lot more stupid people than criminals in jail these days.

  34. donner_froh

    "I notice a contempt and a hostility from the media establishment towards us,” O’Keefe told the [Boston] Herald yesterday.

    True only if "the media establishment" = "all sentient beings"

  35. James Michael Curley

    Count II of the indictment should read "By performing acts in a manner which made the journalistic endeavors of Rupert Murdock look reasonable, ethical and unbiased said defendants committed the felony of … ",

  36. widestanceshakedown

    It's gonna be hard IN THERE for a pimp, if you know what I mean.

    Here's a possible bright side: he lets his pals take the fall, who later rat him out for stuff we don't even know about yet (wasn't his love boat ploy exposed by an accomplice who apparently got a moral at the last minute?). Then, JO'K gets mandatory minimums of Blah Brother Love daily for years to come.

  37. OneYieldRegular

    Has there ever been a more adolescent adolescent than James O'Keefe? I mean, except for the fact that he's nearly 30 years old?

  38. MozakiBlocks

    To quote that great philosopher Don Henley:

    "Somebody going to emergency
    Somebody's going to jail"

    1. tessiee

      To quote that great philosopher Mojo Nixon:

      "Don Henley must die!
      Don't let him get back with Glenn Frey!"

  39. DaRooster

    “The journalism establishment is not very friendly to me or to our work product, when they’ve been using these tactics for decades.”

    Sounds like my 21 year old son… "They are all out to get me, I didn't do anything."

    1. SorosBot

      Not to mention that the journalism establishment is way too friendly to him and his work product, considering how it's treated some of his videos credulously instead of dismissing them out of hand because they're all bullshit.

  40. BS4Dummies

    In the Heirarchy of the Turd Clan, subordinate O Keefe ,working for some Koch sucking funded orgynization, fantasizes in the mens?/ladies? room, while wearing his pimp outfit, of becoming King Turd one day of the Murdoch Empire, while being paid a jinormous salary and mezmerizing his followers in mon oh sill ah bulls, a language that only certain political members can translate. He looks forward to upgrading his pimp outfit, and hanging up his acorns (nuts) for the highest level of sleeze than he can achieve.

  41. Negligently_Joe

    Question: isn't O'Keefe already on Probation for that other stunt that involved committing crimes?

    I ask, because it's a very small part of the whole story, but I'm pretty sure crossing state lines to commit a felony is a probation violation? Also, it probably involved lying to his probation officer, since "I'm going to commit felonies in New Hampshire, to prove a point about how felonies are easy to commit" is probably not something that'd get him permission to leave the judicial district.

  42. MissTaken

    Gawd people, you want dead people to be able vote AND not get pissed on? Talk about wanting your cake and eating it, too.

        1. CapnFatback

          Well, great, thanks for the link. Now I'm gonna hafta root around for the most appropriate picture of James O'Keefe.

          And, by the way, you're welcome. My edifying bathroom humor may have saved you from a cruel practical joke at some dude's tea party down the road.

        2. GOPCrusher

          Use your own picture urinal cake kit?
          What kind of a sick bastard would put his own picture on a urinal cake?

    1. Dudleydidwrong

      The next time they see him–which may be in the next century if they have anything to say about it.

  43. user-of-owls

    It's pretty clear that if he somehow skates on this one, it will only be a matter of time before he winds up in the clink. I suspect, for example, that he's got a large cache of video that he's taken of himself cheating on his taxes.

    Ok, so see here [holds 1040 up close to the camera], that deduction for 'charitable contributions'? So bogus, dude!

    1. Loaded_Pants

      I don't know if he's just stupid or a psychopath who doesn't care/realize his actions have consequences.

  44. SorosBot

    So here it is, one actual occurrence of the voter fraud the wingnuts keep rambling about even though it doesn't exist! Committed by them. Nice work, morans.

  45. Crittocracy

    This is just like that time Hitler killed all those people to raise awareness about the problem of genocide and people didn't get it and persecuted him.

  46. arcadesproject

    I suspect that O'Keefe and friends have permanent laminated stay-out-of-jail cards unlike, say, citizen assemblers in Oakland, NYC and all the other Occupations.

    1. James Michael Curley

      Today about 20 folks from OWS Freedom (Zuccotti) Park go on the sentencing block. Another 50 are scheduled for next week. Since there are still scores of brave souls in the park I hope this revives the movement. Bloomberg's administration has been notorious for heavy sentences to 'quality of life' crimes.

  47. DahBoner

    Republican Voter Fraud seems to be rampant among nasty, entitled Republicans.

    See also: Ann Coulter, Mitt Romney, Dick Cheney, etc..

  48. Soylent Green

    I'm Bubba, Cell Block 8. I was getting me some help from that Acorn a ways back, but the funding got stopped. Had to rob a liqour store to pay the bills and got caught. Heard i was getting a new roommate here pretty soon. Hope he wears that pimp outfit.

  49. iburl

    Does this mean that when they remove the acorn pimp votes that it's possible that Rick Perry's totals will be even lower? I don't think that's mathematically possible.

  50. CoatHanger

    On May 26th, 2010, O'Keefe pleaded guilty to a misdemeanor charge over that New Orleans phone tapping thing. He was sentenced to three years probation. Would this not violate that?

  51. Angry_Marmot

    Does O'Keefe suffer from some kind of Asperger syndrome– lack of empathy, clumsiness, unwillingness to learn the difference between editing skills and deliberate distortion– that hasn't been identified yet? Maybe we should take up a collection to buy him a clue.

  52. Veritas78

    Federal probation administrators have no sense of humor whatsoever. This will require only minimal adjudication for him to be incarcerated, quite swiftly, on the earlier conviction, and there will be no bail while he's being tried for these crimes. This was beyond stupid — it's a self-destructive impulse, which will succeed.

  53. ttommyunger

    If Bubba offers you the choice of jelly or syrup when tossing his salad, go with the jelly, James; I hear it masks the smell better. Bon appetite'!

  54. KenLayIsAlive

    I can deal with self-righteous people. I can even deal with liars. But give me a self-righteous liar and you've got a person I simply can't stand.

    James O'Keefe is simply one of the most despicable motherfuckers alive. Seriously, someone put this guy away before he does even more evil.

    1. reliefsinn

      Agreed. To present the precinct workers as part of a left wing conspiracy, and accuse them of some kind of fraud, when Okeefe and his followers are the ones breaking probably a dozen or more of Federal and State statutes, is about as self-righteous and hypocritical as I can stand.
      If Okeefe and his pathetic "sting artists" go do to the hoosegow, they will join a pretty long list of their fellow Republitards:

  55. prthatrocks

    I think it's ironic that this a–hole, James O'Keefe, crawled out from under his rock with yet another asinine stunt only 6 days after Media Matters for America runs an article entitled, "Why Conservatives Can't Do Journalism," which states, in part, and correctly, I might add, "The reason remains simple: Partisan conservatives have routinely shown they have neither an interest in genuine journalism, nor the skills to practice it. Conversely, progressives over the last decade have put in the hard work, held themselves to professional standards of conduct, and have reaped the rewards. So it's no surprise that year after year conservatives moan that progressives have built a new media infrastructure and are outclassing them, especially online."

  56. Allmighty_Manos

    Next time I get busted with a pound of coke at the Mexican border, I'm just going to tell the DEA that I'm a journalist and boy and my secret video will show what a good job they are doing.

  57. fitley

    Inmate #1- Hey man I trade you this scawny chicken for some smokes

    Inmate #2- All I got is 2 soggy half smoked urinal butts.

    Inmate #1- Ok

    Inmate #2- Don't forget I got change comin'.

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