DESCENDING AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT  5:15 pm January 11, 2012

Rick Perry Bungeeing His Way to Zero, But CNN Letting Him Debate Anyway

by Liz Colville

CNN decided Wednesday to let Rick Perry into its upcoming Republican debate in South Carolina January 19, despite the fact that he technically doesn’t qualify for it, since his polling average is not that much higher than the average of people who aren’t even in the race anymore. “Oh but he’s fun!,” they cry, and this isn’t so shocking from the network that tries to please everybody by pleasing no one.

“He has met the criteria,” a CNN spokesperson told Talking Points Memo, and when TPM followed up asking what exact criteria that was, they didn’t not “immediately,” and may not ever, receive clarification. CNN’s eligibility requirements for the debate are pretty clear-cut, and Perry just doesn’t make them.

Since it will be awhile until we can experience the anti-anxiety and comedic power of Perry’s performance, TPM also has this delightful slideshow of “things that are less steep than Rick Perry’s drop in the polls.” Specifically, the roofs of historic buildings, with Perry “posing” in front of those buildings, looking like the confused paper doll that he so often appears to be. [TPM]

 

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 86 comments }

nounverb911 January 11, 2012 at 5:21 pm

Maybe this time Perry'll bring his pet coyote along.

Tundra Grifter January 11, 2012 at 6:12 pm

You think he'll drag it in? At this point it probably doesn't stink any more than his "campaign."

ProgressiveInga January 11, 2012 at 9:52 pm

I read that as, "Perry'll bring his peyote along" and was thinking that would be an improvement.

tcaalaw January 12, 2012 at 12:03 pm

It would probably work better than the mescaline he's been taking before the other debates.

Come here a minute January 11, 2012 at 5:21 pm

Oops is good for ratings.

nounverb911 January 11, 2012 at 5:25 pm

CNN is inviting Perry, it just isn't telling him where the venue is.

tcaalaw January 12, 2012 at 12:04 pm

All of 'em, Katie?

MissTaken January 11, 2012 at 5:27 pm

Perry could really use Blagojavich's parachute right about now.

cheaphits January 11, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Ricki, don't lose that number

You don't wanna call nobody else …

You tell yourself you're not my kind

But you don't even know your mind

ttommyunger January 11, 2012 at 5:30 pm

But just for comic relief. He is Abbott to Wolfie's Costello

Crank_Tango January 11, 2012 at 7:39 pm

HOOZONFIRST LIBEL!!!

SorosBot January 11, 2012 at 5:30 pm

He's the comic relief.

Radiotherapy January 11, 2012 at 5:37 pm

Aren't they all comic relief? I mean, all of 'em Katie.

Mahousu January 11, 2012 at 6:22 pm

They're comic, but not much of a relief.

chascates January 11, 2012 at 5:40 pm

Without Bachmann Perry is the only entertainment.

memzilla January 11, 2012 at 6:07 pm

CNN wants to use its already-coded "Perry Rips Santorum" chyron.

hagajim January 11, 2012 at 5:31 pm

Li'l Ricky will be there to debate if he is relevant. Amazing how fast and far these maroons fall once they start down that slippery slope of stupidity.

MissTaken January 11, 2012 at 5:31 pm

I hope the hologram is invited, too.

Fare la Volpe January 11, 2012 at 5:54 pm

Of course Mitt Romney's coming.

KenLayIsAlive January 11, 2012 at 6:41 pm

Ah, CNN. What's more trustworthy than introducing guests with fake inventions.

I can't wait until some mid-level producer suggests interviewing Abraham Lincoln on CNN's new "Time Machine".

nounverb911 January 11, 2012 at 5:32 pm

Will Newt be bringing enough "Pious Bologna" sandwiches to feed the multitudes?

DaRooster January 11, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Pious Bologna = Mortadella

starfanglednut January 11, 2012 at 9:55 pm

That stuff is gross.

memzilla January 11, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Served on wry toast.

V572 the Merciless January 11, 2012 at 5:33 pm

Buddy Roehmer and Vermin Supreme: call your attorneys!

And CNN and TPM get downfisted for not knowing that the "criteria" is the plural of "criterion." This data is pissing me off.

Chichikovovich January 11, 2012 at 5:36 pm

The media drives me crazy when it does that.

Fare la Volpe January 11, 2012 at 5:53 pm

The Illuminati is to blame.

Chichikovovich January 11, 2012 at 6:42 pm

Yet one more phenomena they've gotten involved in.

BaldarTFlagass January 11, 2012 at 7:28 pm

Very clever.

littlebigdaddy January 11, 2012 at 5:40 pm

I had the vermin supreme at a restaurant the other day and it was disgusting.

WinterOuthouse January 11, 2012 at 5:35 pm

Every circus needs a clown

nounverb911 January 11, 2012 at 5:45 pm

It's just that there are so many to choose from.

edgydrifter January 11, 2012 at 5:38 pm

It's going to take a heavy dip into his private stash of hydroponic couchlock for Gary Johnson to process that Gov. Brokeback is still being invited to debate.

Chichikovovich January 11, 2012 at 5:39 pm

OK I've heard of the expression "Yellow Dog Democrat" for someone who would vote for a yellow dog rather than a Republican. But I don't know of any equivalent, for someone who would vote for anything, however terrible, over a Democrat.

I suggest "Rick Perry Republican".

Callyson January 11, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Oy, does this mean they are grooming him to be a CNN talking head when he finally does drop out? Well, there's another on my long list of reasons not to watch CNN…

nounverb911 January 11, 2012 at 5:46 pm

Well, in theory, Perry does have a day job.

Tundra Grifter January 11, 2012 at 6:14 pm

And they don't seem to be missing him at it, now do they?

emmelemm January 11, 2012 at 7:56 pm

"I wouldn't say I've been missing it, Bob."

DaRooster January 11, 2012 at 5:55 pm

While he is a head… talking is not a strong point with this one.

KenLayIsAlive January 11, 2012 at 6:49 pm

Yeah, you have to be pretty quick mentally (not smart mind you, just quick) to do the back and forth of live television. The fact that you can actually see Perry's thoughts form and travel through his neurons to his mouth… the man's "train of thought" moves as if the diesel engine is broken and it is being pushed through a snowstorm by a few average strengthed men is what I'm saying.

CapnFatback January 11, 2012 at 5:41 pm

since his polling average is not that much higher than the average of people who aren’t even in the race anymore.

Yeah, but it's still waaaaaaaaaaaaay higher than his IQ.

CapnFatback January 11, 2012 at 5:48 pm

And, not to quibble, as it's not my job to crank out these posts in a timely manner for us Comment Folk to sup upon (and we all thank you for the tasty, tasty gruel), but I initially read the second "average" in the quoted section above as referring to an average of a number of people, not the polling average.

/asshole Composition teacher.

Barb January 11, 2012 at 5:43 pm

Will that guy be there? The one who looks like he's the closer at the Cadillac dealership. Mitt something or another.

elviouslyqueer January 11, 2012 at 5:47 pm

“He has met the criteria,” a CNN spokesperson told Talking Points Memo

Has a pulse? Check.
Has a suitcase filled with unmarked bills? Check.
Has tried-and-tested fellatio expertise? Check.
Has demonstrated obvious stupidity and/or batshit insanity? Check.

This way to the lectern, Ricky.

Rotundo_ January 11, 2012 at 6:26 pm

Shouldn't that be "Has tried-and-tasted fellatio expertise?"? I think the idiot would flunk the test, but he more than likely has tasted, repeatedly. This is the guy who could only muster a gentlemans "C" in animal breeding. I honestly don't think he could pass a piss test, much less a fellatio test, even if it were multiple choice.

hollywooddood January 11, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Then I meet the criteria, too. Except for that suitcase thingy.

emmelemm January 11, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Bungeeing implies that he might snap back (up, that is). Thus, incorrect!

BaldarTFlagass January 11, 2012 at 7:29 pm

Maybe like that bungee-jumping Australian woman on the Zambezi River.

Fawkdifiknow January 11, 2012 at 5:50 pm

You know what would be highly entertaining reading, and worth a ton of laughs? A list of donors to the Rick Perry for President campaign committee.

I like to know who the fools-and-their-money-separated are, for schadenfreude.

nounverb911 January 11, 2012 at 5:53 pm

And future emails from "Nigerian" princes.

ifthethunderdontgetya January 11, 2012 at 5:51 pm

As long as there's a liveblog, I'm sure we'll all welcome the extra entertainment.

And drinking.
~

BarackMyWorld January 11, 2012 at 5:53 pm

But still no Buddy Roemer.

Dicks.

iburl January 11, 2012 at 6:06 pm

Don't forget that, uh, "Mr. New Mexico joint man" guy.

BarackMyWorld January 11, 2012 at 6:12 pm

He got so fed up he quit the race and is running as a Libertarian.

YouBetcha January 11, 2012 at 5:57 pm

"Wait, did you say Rick Perry? No no, I thought you said JIM CARREY. Rick Perry is not in fact eligible. Jim Carrey will however be joining the debate, and promoting his new film. Glad we cleared that up."

MightySix January 12, 2012 at 1:34 pm

'cept Carrey's Canadian. D'oh!

emmelemm January 12, 2012 at 2:37 pm

So? Obama's Kenyan, dontcha know?

SayItWithWookies January 11, 2012 at 5:58 pm

Rick Perry — the Pluto of GOP nomination candidates. Too bad CNN missed its opportunity to be the Neil DeGrasse Tyson of this metaphor.

memzilla January 11, 2012 at 6:03 pm

“He has met the criteria,” [said] a CNN spokesperson…

By doing what, exactly? Photosynthesis? To paraphrase Molly Ivins, if Perry were any dumber he'd have to be watered twice a day.

Mahousu January 11, 2012 at 6:25 pm

He'd have done more good for Texas last summer if he were. (Watered, that is.)

lochnessmonster January 11, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Will his performance skyrocket him again to meteoric popularity and make him the nominee?

iburl January 11, 2012 at 6:08 pm

Bungee is an unfortunate term to use discussing Rick Perry. He's more of a Bung-er.

starfanglednut January 11, 2012 at 9:58 pm

Bunghole.

edgydrifter January 11, 2012 at 6:26 pm

CNN's compromise: Perry is invited to the debate, but he has to stand at the kids' lectern.

Mahousu January 11, 2012 at 6:32 pm

Considering his previous performances, I would have thought Rick Perry would be petitioning to be left out of this debate.

Preferably, by bringing in a (forged) note: "Please excuse Ricky from this debate because he's not feeling well. Signed, my mom."

Dr_Zoidberg January 11, 2012 at 6:34 pm

Sweet zombie Jesus, another damn debate?! What the hell is there left to debate about?

KenLayIsAlive January 11, 2012 at 6:52 pm

Who won the last debate, I assume.

cheaphits January 11, 2012 at 10:24 pm

Lot's of important stuff…prayer in school lunches, the rising tide of communism in the republican party, Sharia law corrupting redneck cops.., the Magna Carta and Newt's fave…sex in space –

http://motherjones.com/mojo/2012/01/your-daily-ne

ManchuCandidate January 11, 2012 at 7:11 pm

Good for CNN. Perry represents the Short Bus Candidates. Damn that affirmative action.

ifthethunderdontgetya January 11, 2012 at 7:16 pm

I'll drink to that!
~

Mahousu January 11, 2012 at 7:46 pm

I'd rather have Sook-Yin Lee representing the Short Bus. Even if she is Canadian.

Pragmatist2 January 11, 2012 at 7:24 pm

The criterion is that your polling average has to be higher than your IQ.

BaldarTFlagass January 11, 2012 at 7:30 pm

After this news was reported, the Doomsday Clock was moved to 4 minutes to midnight.

DerrickWildcat January 11, 2012 at 8:11 pm

He's the MacGuffin.

Jukesgrrl January 11, 2012 at 8:28 pm

I"d take Rick Perry if Wolf Blitzer could be disinvited.

When will we get a debate featuring Basil Marceaux, Alvin Greene, that stripper who was running against Vitter, and the Rent is Too Damn HIGH guy? Clearly the Republicans and CNN fear a discussion of issues that really matter to We the People.

weejee January 11, 2012 at 8:36 pm

This must be the work of the Log Cabin Rethuglicans.

MosesInvests January 11, 2012 at 11:40 pm

I hope Gov. Goodhair stays on the campaign trail to the bitter end-Austin is so much nicer without him.

Rosie_Scenario January 12, 2012 at 9:21 am

This is a staple of reality TV. Like when they keep a crap designer on "Project Runway" because he/she is a train wreck/ drama queen, oddball, etc. It's all about ratings. Get the popcorn and grab a seat.

neiltheblaze January 12, 2012 at 9:57 am

Well, hell – why not include Rick? It's no more disruptive than having a potted plant on the stage.

KeepFnThatChicken January 12, 2012 at 10:23 am

This is just to bait liberals into watching. Which is fine, really… call it a "homecoming," since nobody watches CNN anymore.

Negligently_Joe January 12, 2012 at 10:39 am

TPM helpfully offers a handy guide to things that are less steep than Rick Perry's collapse in the polls.

bureaucrap January 12, 2012 at 12:48 pm

"I just can't quit you, GOP Primaries".

gurukalehuru January 12, 2012 at 1:59 pm

I'm not saying they should kick Perry out, but they should let Roemer in.

BZ1 January 12, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Is he still running? what for???

Soylent Green January 12, 2012 at 7:09 pm

Really? A pity invite? Oh well, it got me laid in the 80's.

Soylent Green January 12, 2012 at 7:11 pm

Every Lost in Space episode needs a Dr. Smith.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: