Ha ha, the 2012 GOP primary season may turn out to be a boring one, but at least it will be really, really weird: here, for example, is amoral Fox News imp-turd Sean Hannity staring in disbelief as Rick Perry smacks down Mitt Romney for being a “vulture capitalist” over and over like a drugged armadillo. Hannity steps in to demand: WHY DO YOU SOUND LIKE AN OCCUPY COMMUNIST?

Hannity even tries to remind Perry that he’s supposed to be attacking Romney for hating fetuses and giving people healthcare, but …nope! Rick Perry is all bile and populist fury: “I happen to think that if they were gonna be real venture capitalists, they would come in and help clean up those companies, save those jobs rather than comin’ in and pickin’ their bones clean, which is exactly what I think they did.” And then Hannity’s all, “why are you just secretly Barack Obama dressed up as a dumb gay cowboy.” Hahahaha, we love you already, 2012. [Crooks and Liars]

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  • Barb

    If Ricky keeps this feisty spirit up he might double his showing in South Carolina and make it to the 2% mark.

    • nounverb911

      I thought Perry loved being a 1%er.

    • An_Outhouse

      2% is my favorite type of milk. Maybe he can work that into a future campaign ad.

  • nounverb911

    My snark's still hungover from last night. Give me a few minutes and I'll get back to you.

  • Sorry, but I am not fucking watching this.

    • i_AM_ready

      Oh no, do watch it. Perry for once is amazingly articulate and he rips Mittens to shreds.

  • Native_of_SL_UT

    Watch your local theaters for Wall Street 3 where Johnny Depp plays the lovable rascally corporate raider.

    • paris biltong

      and with Angelina Jolie as the asset stripper.

      • BerkeleyBear

        Think you left a couple of extra letters in – at least I hope you did.

    • coron4

      Kate Moss as Darien Taylor!

  • SorosBot

    Um, no, Rick, destroying people's lives and pickin' the bones of companies clean is what real capitalists do; it's the whole point of corrupt and sociopathic system.

    • It isn't as if Rick knows anything about anything so he gets a pass on being stupid about predatory capitalism.

    • Crank_Tango

      yeah, but free market=good, right?

      • GeorgiaBurning

        Must be , it helped move all those jobs to China. Wait a minute…

    • crisptickle

      It's called "job creating".

      • Boojum_Reborn

        Or Jawb cretin.

  • SexySmurf

    Why does Rick Parry (spelled with an a for "anarchist") hate success (besides the fact he will never achieve it)?

  • Come here a minute

    I liked the part where Governor Perry started playing the bongos.

  • freakishlywrong

    Can't watch. Just the vid capture makes me want to storm around my office and kick every fucking wingtard male coworker in the nads. And then punch him in them. Also, a good swift kick to the whole crotch when I'm done. Too.

    • BigDumbRedDog

      I second this motion.

    • PsycWench

      Ah, one of the great things about academia…the pay may be mediocre but few of the colleagues are right-wingers. Except in the business department, where Republicans still rule.

      • SorosBot

        It's also one of the benefits of working in law at a plaintiff's firm; shockingly suing mega-corporations for screwing over their customers or employees attracts very few right-wingers.

        • jus_wonderin

          Software Development (probably only in this office) is surprizingly liberal. Yay!! A bit godless too, which is okay.

          • mayor_quimby

            And in my experience, we all have guns, lefty or righty.
            Seriously, regardless of pay scale, we all pack heat, where the allows.
            Must be some kind of nerd complex

          • jus_wonderin

            That is funny, cuz as I smoke with our IT guy (a great dude) he is a gun owner. Maybe a hoarder. So, spot on!

          • BaldarTFlagass

            I work for a govt department that showers Hellfire missiles on Afghan wedding parties (accidentally, of course, but still…). You guys make me jealous.

          • emmelemm

            I dunno, I work in software development with some Repub/libertarian assholes. But I'm in Seattle, so in general, liberalism abounds and I don't feel like punching someone in the face all that often.

    • Begin Operation Nadkick, we have your back. Godspeed.

    • Not_So_Much

      Approved — please proceed.

    • GOPCrusher

      This is Hope & Change I can believe in.

    • lulzmonger

      Steel toes or GTFO.

  • Arken

    That's some strong meds he's on for his back pain.

  • FNMA

    That screenshot…When did they do a sequel to "Dumb and Dumber"?

    • PsycWench

      It's a work in continual progress,, tentatively titled "Lame and Lamer".

  • chascates

    Don't bite the hand that greeds you!

  • chicken_thief

    Sean Hannity is such a vile piece of shit that even Rick Perry wouldn't fuck him.

    ***Sorry, I would snark on the actual content of the clip but I refuse to watch Insannity. ***

  • freakishlywrong

    And fuck yes. My freuden is schadding all over the place.

  • ElPinche

    Hahaha "…like a drugged armadillo." God almighty that was hilarious.

  • hagajim

    Maybe Ricky is starting to position to run for Preznit in 2016 – as a Democrat. Hell, these idiots are just handing Barry all the talking points he might need over the next 11 or so months. Why does Hannity always look like he just Santorum'd himself?

    • Perry's already been a Democrat, and worked for Gore in Texas in 1988, so that's an easy flop. Jesus, however, will not be amused.

    • paris biltong

      He also sounds like an idiot. He and Paul should get together and perform the countertenor duets from Machiavelli's "The Two Eunuchs".

  • BigDumbRedDog

    Hey look. Two assholes for the price of one.

    • hagajim

      But neither is a Santorum.

      • DaRooster

        I beg to differ… they are both Santorum.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Wasn't that Rick Perry's Craig'slist add?

  • Tundra Grifter

    Sheer uh "Am i uh An Idiot?" uh InSannity is scared to death of a right wing third party.

    He ranted at Sen. Ron Paul for not "ruling it out." He had a hilarious conversation with Donald Chump when Chump thought it might be a good idea because he could win. InSannity just couldn't handle Chump's ego.

    InSannity's interview with Gov. Huntsman a few weeks ago was also quite funny. Gov. Huntsman pointed out that when the President of the United States asks you to serve your country, you go do it. InSannity just couldn't handle that. When Gov. Huntsman mentioned his sons serving in the US Military, inSannity couldn't talk over him fast enough.

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      Point of order. Ron is a Congresscritter. RAND is a Senutuh…

      • Tundra Grifter


        Thank you for pointing out the error in my ways. And means.

        I got my Pauls confused.

  • What a sad day when a guy who makes money by buying companies and wrecking them or claims to be produce only shit wage retail jobs can't walk the street without being called cruel names by his fellow GOPers…

    • Mrspanky

      Strange times!

      Yesterday, I listened in awe as Rush verbally eviserated a Newt supporter. Now I'm hearing Hannity tongue-lashing that dumbass Rick Perry.

      The right wingers are turning into cannibals!

      • Generation[redacted]

        Nah, they're reading the polls, and realizing Romney is the only shot they have. Then, once he's in office, they're going to push him hard to implement their wingnut policies. After everything collapses (again) they're going to say, "He wasn't a real conservative." I lived through the Bush presidency, I know how this movie ends.

        • SorosBot

          I love how they now actually have the gall to try and claim Bush, the furthest right, most pure conservative President this country has had since at least Hoover and Coolidge, was now really a conservative now that they realize everyone hates him for royally fucking over America.

          • GeorgiaBurning

            Republican conservatives are like Soviet communists in their prime. Never mind the results, it's the policy that matters. The Party replaces the ag minister because he didn't plow under enough grain, not because peasants starved.

        • GOPCrusher

          Should make for an interesting Republiklan National Convention, when the Evangelicals and Tea Tards refuse to show up because Romney has clinched the nomination.
          But the real fun will begin when they are all sitting at home, the first Tuesday in November, plotting their revenge because the only choice they have to vote for is the Black Guy or the Mormon.

  • Limeylizzie

    Do you all hate me now, for starting the wild thread of last night?

    • SorosBot

      Oh we could never hate you.

      • Limeylizzie

        I think I may be Ken Non Grata.

    • Blueb4sunrise

      No, of course not for that.

    • BigDumbRedDog

      No way. It gave me something to read this morning.

    • user-of-owls

      One can hardly claim to be a War Blog without a bit of the former, now can one, dear thing. Throwing chum in the water to attract the bottom feeders is a nice purgative now and again. After all, if one doesn't poop now and again, it just goes to ones head.

    • freakishlywrong

      Nope, devoured it this am before Wonkett woke up. I'm an early bird, so I miss a lot of fun..

    • Devilette

      Not at all! We love ya!

    • Oblios_Cap

      Hell, the only thing better would have been starting a flame war with the Paultards.

      • chascates

        Ah, remember the glory days of the PUMA wars?

      • Limeylizzie

        That would be good.

    • Guppy

      Thread? What thread?

      … Ohhhh… so that's how they fit 500+ responses into only 2 pages…

    • Tundra Grifter


      Nope. To repeat myself, the sign of a great post is a large number of thoughtful replies.

      • Limeylizzie

        Yay for me?

        • Tundra Grifter


          Yay 4 U!

          As always…

    • emmelemm

      You are singularly un-hateable, Miss Lizzie.

      • Limeylizzie

        Ask Janet Oliver if I am un-hateable, in my teenaged, high-school, skin-head phase I kicked her in the teeth outside school, because she was spreading gossip about my best friend!

    • lulzmonger


      It was beautiful! Also, awesome trolling – 12 words, like a pert little grenade.

      Remember, some trolls are poopyheads, but others are very sweet indeed. Plainly, I do not need to tell you to be the best troll you can be … I need to be taking some notes.

  • freakishlywrong

    Has Sean been waterboarded yet? Pussy.

  • ElPinche

    This reminds me of something….Oh yeah:

    Daffy: It's rabbit season!
    Bugs: It's duck season!
    Daffy: No it's rabbit season!
    Bugs: It's rabbit season!
    Daffy Duck season! *BLAM* (then gets his duckbill blown off by Elmer Fudd)

  • user-of-owls

    Circular cannibalism squad is this generation's circular firing squad.

    • And vulture crapitalism trumps Jeebus. Just ask Rush.

    • And vulture crapatalism trumps Jeebus. Just ask Rush.

  • elviouslyqueer

    I can't really blame Sean for not listening to Rick. After all, it's hard to hear when Mitt is gripping the back of your head and is shoving his cock down your throat.

    • NewtsChicknNeck

      does that make Rick Mitt's fourth wife that he gets to take to the garden of eden (joplin, mo.) and to heaven (just a little bit southwest of the planet Jupiter)? Are Rick's sister wives jealous of lustrous hair?

  • God, what an idiot. This is the way that capitalism works–just because finance capital is in its final collapse doesn't mean things work differently for the 99%.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    The problem is that Hannity parts his hair on the left side and Perry parts his on the right side. These two will never get to Brokeback Mountain, if you know what I mean.

    • jus_wonderin

      Though, if they were "facing" wouldn't their parts match???

  • bamaguy1024

    LOL I love you Wonkette… you are so hilarious and so on the money here. What a couple of buffoons. After the election, watch, Fox News will give Rick Perry his own show

  • Fuck Fuck Fuckity Fuck. I almost never click on the videos on Wonkette since they are so horribly horrible but for some reason I watched part of this one.

    Never Again!

    • sunmusing

      Yeah, I learned to be careful of the links provided on the Wonkette. Sometimes you just can't "un-see" some of the stuff. Brain bleach has limited value at times, but using sharp objects on one's eyeballs is sometimes effective.

    • GOPCrusher

      I just go with the basic assumption that some one is looking to up the ante on the 2 Girls 1 Cup video.

      • lulzmonger

        This is both hilarious & terrifying … because it is technically correct.

  • Guppy

    So South Carolina is implementing a make-work program, and now both Newt and W. mk II have come out against capitalism? I daresay the GOP has finally gone through the event horizon and come out on the other side to the left of Lenin!

    "Red state" indeed!

  • paris biltong

    Hannity is trying to paper over Bain's misdeeds. He can't understand that anyone in the Republican Party could criticize a corporation, just as he can't fathom how Huntsman may have had points of agreement with Obama. Taliban.

  • You expect us to watch 6 minutes of this shit? At least give us the timecode of the best bits.

    • Really.
      I couldn't make it past 2:50.
      I tried, Wonkette! But the stupid…

      (I think I deserve a cookie, but I'll settle for more coffee.)

    • Just rip the bong and see how much you can watch before you have to exhale or pass out. Thats how I read Breitbart stories too

  • Fawkdifiknow

    The next time I watch Hannity will be the first time. Sorry. I have my mental health to think about.

  • GhostBuggy

    Ha ha, I love the furious paper-rustling noise you can hear whenever the camera's off Hannity. Surely there's a way to handle this in those blank sheets of paper you keep in front of you, Sean!

  • meatlofer

    There is a toilet stall in New Jersey with your name on it, Hannity.You MOTHER FUCKER!

  • I'll give Perry a point for steering the "I'm unflappable in the face of diminishing voter percentages, and Sean's smirking mug" wagon. He's swapped momentum for equilibrium. And that's only temporary, as South Carolinny is going to prove ample ground for his Big Rebound. It wasn't that long ago when he two-stepped a live broadcast Tea Party Town Hall.. (amusingly, labeled "…2.0") with his pal Governor Sandford. "With truth and secession for all!"

    • Generation[redacted]

      Rick Perry looks confident because he's carrying a gun.

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    Hannity looks like a fat Mitt Romney.

  • BarackMyWorld

    This election is like watching the inmates of Arkham Asylum fight each other to see who gets to take on Batman.

  • Hannity almost makes Perry sound sane. Faux Newx is right, way right, 24/7.

  • MissTaken

    Can't watch. Video got stuck on my work's "no fucking bullshit from asshats named Hannity this early in the morning" filter.

  • BZ1

    Corporations are people, Hannity, not so much …

    • Generation[redacted]

      Hedge funds and private equity firms are people. The companies that get bought, dismantled, and sold off are not.

  • sharethegrief

    Can't we get atleast 1 clip of Sean inhaling helium?

  • It looks as though the Head Fox (the old aussie) has decided the the Chickens ( that be us) is best plucked (and fucked) by an experienced Vulture (that be Willard)..

  • In Forbes, even! So the business press is finally catching up to critiques that have been out there for 10, 15 or 20 years? These are strange times.

  • WhatTheHeck

    The thing about capitalism is that even the republicans are ignorant of what it is.

    • Rosie_Scenario

      Capitalism = Freedumb. Right?

    • real_dc_native

      Ever since reading Marx in college went out of style no one understands what capitalism is. They completely miss the part about government regulation is the only thing that keeps markets competitive in the face of ever more powerful capitalists. Laissez-faire capitalism does not equal competition in the marketplace.

      But the fact that I read Marx (along with Keynes, Smith, Hayek) and that I know these words just proves I'm a communist.

      • NewtsChicknNeck

        i just looked up "captialism" in the constitution. it's not there, but apparently our preznit is only to be counted as 3/5 of a person. that explains why i'm 40% disappointed.

        • real_dc_native

          Capitalism isn't in the Constitution but private property is enshrined in the Bill of Rights. That rules out communism but socialism is a viable option.

          I wish I was only 40% disappointed with Barry. He and both sides of the isle are part of the bought-and-paid-for politics that rules now. But there I go getting all communist again.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Watching Perry is like watching a stupider version of GWB. I didn't think it was possible.

    Way to go, Texas.

  • Perry should do an ad with guns out hunt'n them vultures.

  • "And now Sean, Ah'm loadin' up the wagon and taken mah talents South. Much obliged to ya." SFX: (Whip-snap) Cackalacky-cackalacky-cackalacky….

  • Generation[redacted]

    "That's about as severe a charge as you can make."

    Yes, Shammity, disparaging private equity firms and hostile takeovers is much worse than saying we should not have invaded Iraq, killing I don't know how many people.

  • pinkocommi

    Whenever I hear Rick Perry talking, I can feel my own brain cells dying.

  • paris biltong

    OT: smoking grass appear to be good for the lungs (among other things).

    • chascates

      I've emailed the results of that study to everyone I can think of. It's the one crop farmers can make money on!!

  • chascates

    Populist Rick Perry:
    What Perry is campaigning against is a rigged free enterprise system where the very, very wealthy elite get to decide what companies succeed or fail. Corporations are powerful enough to lobby congress to pass laws that use the legal system of this country to solidify their pseudo monopolies.

    Perhaps the populist, anti-corporatist message that Perry really has been repeating since November will finally resonate in South Carolina. The "line between Washington D.C. and Wall Street" is strong concern. And the Bain discussion allows him to point out some of the ugly consequences of that axis of evil.

    • real_dc_native

      Wow, Perry is sounding absolutely Marxist! Doesn't he understand that campaign money comes from "rigged free enterprise system where the very, very wealthy elite get to decide what companies succeed or fail."

    • GOPCrusher

      These people don't even think anymore before they put shit up on the Internet. If Obama would have used the same words in a speech, they would be screaming about the Socialist Job Killer.

  • Callyson

    For those who could not bear to watch it–it was actually pretty funny to see FOX' flip flop from hating on Mittens to defending him from the creeping socialists who have invaded the Republican party. Occupy the GOP primary!

  • chascates

    And for our South Carolina Wonketters you can see Perry today at Lizard's Thicket, Doc's Barbecue and Southern Buffet, and The Gun Rack. Tomorrow at Duke's Barbecue, Fat Jack's Grillin' and Chillin' Restaurant, and the Squat 'N' Gobble (which has a singing mounted deer head).

    I think Rick's found his audience.

    • The squat 'n' gobble? Isn't that where Larry Craig got arrested?

  • YouBetcha

    If they had been in the same room, they would have torn off eachother's clothes and made out on live TV.

  • Thanx, VaWyo, the above is a succinct and insightful article. As it says, it's as if the NFL coaches were rewarded for hitting the point spread. They might make big money that way (just a top exes do today), but the game would be fucked. This is just what has happened to the economy. This is why the rich get richer and we have no recourse…we are probably doomed.

    Check out this Forbes article…it does explain a LOT!

  • real_dc_native

    Mittens is becoming Socialism's BFF!

  • Poindexter718

    Now now, Sean, don't cry. The Rickster doesn't mean it.
    The bijillion-dollar Texas Teacher Retirement System, whose entire Board is appointed by the governor, is up to its azz in private equity fund investments, including, wait for it … Bain Capital. And he's never said one peep about that.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Hannity's internal monologue is running something like: "Jesus Christ, dude, do you not read the memos? With this kind of talk, do you really expect to land a job as a FOX commentator after your already dead campaign is finally put down with a silver stake through its already dead heart? Don't you even realize that only reason FOX exists is to prop up vulture capitalism?"

    • NewtsChicknNeck

      Rick don't need to read. The (R) after his name means he gets to be king of texas until he dies. It's like what edwin edwards once said–the only way Rick will lose is if he's caught with a dead girl or live boy. (and Rick's been really close on a couple of occasions.)

  • Wilcoxyz

    "Oh my god, I just got fucked in the ass by Rick Perry," said Mittens.

    I think that was at the end. I gave up at 6:11.

  • bitchincamaro2

    Shorter Hannity: "Governor, get back to the queer-baiting, fetus-hugging, war-mongering SOB we have you on this show for in the first place."

  • GeorgiaBurning

    Fox is scared of a third-party right wing candidate who could ruin the Mitt-bot's chances in November. The last thing they want is the Tea Party fringe to organize around somebody who's not in 18th century costume.

    • GOPCrusher

      I think they are more afraid that the Mitt-bot may get the chance to run, because he won't get in the 18th century costume.

  • dadanarchist

    Is it just me, or does Rick Perry look – not just sound, but look – more and more like Dubya with each passing week?

  • Ah, this whole 'running for the president' or some shit is just an excuse for Perry to travel around and do another one of his reststop tours, if you know what I mean.

  • Huevos Ocupados

    Seems like I'm in the minority here but I'm finding this recent turn of events to be delicious!

  • For those not familiar with Sean Hannity, I'd just like to point out that he's a pathological liar. He's able to lie six times in one sentence,

  • ttommyunger

    Sorry, couldn't watch the clip. Hannity's nasal bitch-whine voice gives me hives; kind of like listening to Sarah Palin while she's getting butt-fucked by Herman Cain with no lube or foreplay, also, too, as well as.

  • lulzmonger


    OHHHHHH YEAH, that's some primo audiovisual infotainment right up there.

    Needs less Sean Inanity, but then such is life.

    Perry blandly mouthing "Vulture Capitalism" & acting like he still has a conscience = COMEDY GOLD!

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