While being an openly gay Republican seems about as sane as carrying a nail-studded two-by-four around so you can mutilate yourself on the half-hour, the “Log Cabin Republicans” continue to be an actual thing. And they have put out a statement about tonight’s exciting New Hampshire primary results. They’re quite pleased with the results!

“By adding a definitive victory in New Hampshire to his win in Iowa, Governor Mitt Romney has established himself as a candidate who can unite Republicans and a clear threat to Barack Obama in November,” said R. Clarke Cooper, Log Cabin Republicans Executive Director. “Governor Romney was consistently clear in the debates that he opposes discrimination based on sexual orientation. While he continues to support a constitutional amendment banning marriage equality – a position Log Cabin strongly opposes – he is also on record saying that such an amendment has been tried, rejected, and is unlikely to ever succeed. Romney has also taken a position that the repeal of ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ has been settled, and he would not seek to reinstitute the ban on open service.

“Congressman Ron Paul’s second place finish underscores New Hampshire’s commitment to the libertarian principles he has consistently championed, which include his votes against the anti-family Federal Marriage Amendment and for the repeal of ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.’ Log Cabin Republicans are also pleased with the strong performance of Governor Jon Huntsman, a solid supporter of civil unions for same-sex couples and a candidate who frequently talked about the need for Americans to do more for gay rights.

So, compared to the likes of Perry, Bachmann and Santorum, the middle-of-the-road bigotry of Mitt Romney is a relief! [Log Cabin Republicans]

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  • Barb

    Perry is wanting to send troops back to Eye-Rack. Does he plan to fire all of the gay soldiers first?

    • He'd have to, wouldn't he?

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      No, he'll just put them on the front line with no guns.

      • GOPCrusher

        With targets on their backs.

  • the_problem_child

    Yay! The candidates with the least hate of gays did okay! Never mind the others who hoovered up the homophobe votes.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      I believe you meant snorkeled up the homophobe vote.

    • GOPCrusher

      Another reason for the Republiklan Base to search for the Not-Romney candidate.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Fred Karger wants a piece of that action, but not the way you'd think.

  • user-of-owls

    Ha ha, you said, "put out."

    • tribbzthesquidz

      and "Log."

  • SorosBot

    Yeah, they should certainly support Ron Paul's view that the federal government shouldn't oppress gay people, because that's the state governments' job.

    • user-of-owls

      No, I think you've got it wrong. It's the private sector's job to batter gay people into a pulp.

      It's called….Liberty.

      • FakaktaSouth

        I think probably, really in spite of most Rs deeply, heinously wanting everything in the whole wide world to be bigoted, "the Market" has decided it likes gay money pretty good and since on the whole they've got more discretionary piles of the stuff than all the loser-breeders, well, ya know, do whatever, just spend.

      • Guppy

        I thought it was called "Minnesota Forward."

      • And that tree needs some refreshin'. It ain't a-gonna refresh itself with tyrant blood, ya know.

    • iburl

      If you don't like being imprisoned for co-habitating with a same-sex partner, when/if you get out of jail you can always just flee move to another state (until they pass their own hate-law, anyway).

  • Log Cabin Republicans

    Too silly to even snark at.

  • user-of-owls

    R. Clarke Cooper? Seriously?

    I'm sorry, but that is just unacceptable as a gay man's name.

    • littlebigdaddy

      Didn't he rob that airplane?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      The "R" stand for "Rocky," which is even less gay.

      • DaRooster


        There ya go…

        • user-of-owls

          With a heart over the "i", right?

    • How about Cooper Clarke?

  • Texan_Bulldog

    So Clarke & his cabal are for Mitt, Ron & Jon just like all the other Republicans. Whoa–newsflash from State-the-Obvious-ville.

  • angerbear

    So the only thing stopping Romney from running gays through a wood chipper is his fear of taking a potentially-controversial position on any issue? Well whoopdeedoo! Break out the champagne, Log Cabin Repubs–you've found yourselves a candidate!!!

  • Log Cabin Republicans should just change their name to "We Hate Ourselves".

    • emmelemm

      Actually, a more accurate name would be "We Are Technically Homos, But We Have Money, And That Makes Us Just As Craven As Regular Republicans". Bit long, though.

      • I'll admit to having gay Republican friends, but none of them are LCRs. I'd be forced to smack them unconscious if they ever sank that low.

        • emmelemm

          I will reply to this the only way I know how: with a semi-long, potentially convoluted story with possibly no point.

          When I sold the previous condo I lived in, the buyer ended up being a guy who already lived in the same building (my condo was a bit nicer than his). He was very obviously gay. Although he lived nominally by himself (in a smallish one bedroom), I learned, through the sale process, that he had a significant other, who was actually putting up the money. (I don't know to what extent he lived/stayed with significant other at alternate, far ritzier digs – it was… confusing.) In any event, significant other was obviously very rich, a "businessman" – Fancy that!

          I only met significant other because, since he was the one putting up the money, I took some papers over to his office for him to sign at one point. While I'm in his office, I see a picture on the wall of him, standing and smiling, with a prominent local Republican, at that time running for Governor of Washington. A loathesome creature. I was *surprised*, to say the least. Of course I didn't say anything, because, fuck, the guy's buying my house. But I was like, how on the Earth can a gay dude stand next to that walking bucket of slime and smile? The answer, of course, is money. Dude was a businessman, Repub candidate was a businessman in the same general area of business. Money. Dinero. Dollars. Almighty.

          In a related related note, my best friend since childhood is half-black, half-white. Her black grandfather was a minor politician in his day… a Republican politician, that is. The one and only time I met him, when my friend and I were in D.C. together (where he lived), he had a picture of himself with George Bush the Elder, who had appointed him to some commission or other. All I could think was WHAT. THE. FUCK.

          I just don't get throwing your lot in with people who CLEARLY FUCKING HATE YOU. No matter what crumbs they throw your way.

          • Some of them are just conservative because their families are conservative. It's the only thing they know and they're too set in their ways to change. Others claim they're doing it to "change the party from within." Not sure if I believe that. But yeah, there's definitely some level of denial and hypocrisy going on there.

          • Geminisunmars

            True equality means that people are strange, regardless of their race, gender, or sexual orientation.

          • Aiyo.

          • Geminisunmars

            So your response means “Mandarin Chinese expression of pain” (from urbandictionary)?

          • You're on to me, now, aren't you? Never again will I be able to indulge in a careless moment of multilinguality without understanding and response?


          • Geminisunmars

            Um, oy.

          • *Never* at a loss for a clever riposte!

          • GOPCrusher

            See, Reagan Democrats.

          • ShaveTheWhales

            And, before that, Nixon Democrats.

        • vtxmcrider

          They have already shown substantial self-loathing by simply being Republicans in the first place.

    • BornInATrailer

      Loathe Cabin Republicans?

      • ShaveTheWhales

        Self-Logging Republicans?

    • Geminisunmars

      aka "WHO"

  • noodlesalad

    Little known fact: Mitt Romney would have also gotten rid of Don't Ask, Don't Tell, as he doesn't need or want a specific reason to fire the gays. He just likes firing them without cause.

    • They're *GAY,* noodlesalad. That's cause enough.

  • user-of-owls

    he is also on record saying that such an amendment has been tried, rejected, and is unlikely to ever succeed.

    Well I think the Log Cabin boyz are perfectly safe on this front, give Mitt's demonstrated, rock-solid commitment to sticking to his convictions, come what may.

  • Dr Ozark Hellbender

    Uh, guys? Not to judge or anything, but I kind of question the wisdom of aligning yourself with a party which has a pretty significant percentage of members who WANT YOU DEAD.

    I suppose maybe there were one or two Jewish members of the NSDAP…

    • I don't know how much you know about the S&M/B&D community, but the one thing that really turned me off about it were the folks who were into role-playing Nazis and ConcentrationCampPrisoners. Kinda like watching The Night Porter x/c more fur realz. So, yeah. LCRs and Repigs.

  • Barb

    Pat Buchanan is now blaming "militant gay groups" for his absence from MSNBC. Yeah, it has nothing to do with the fact that the shit doesn't fall far from the bat.

    • Dr Ozark Hellbender

      Militant gay groups? I'd have thought he'd blame "cosmopolitan internationalists"…

      • Barb

        Militant gay groups? The pink berets`?

      • littlebigdaddy

        The fabulistas?

      • PocketsTheClown

        Fun Patrol?

    • SorosBot

      I think the Jews, the Blacks and every other minority group Pat hates on might also have something to do with it. And good for them.

      • Color of Change campaign. Be sure to throw them a few shekels if you have any to spare, they do good work.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Barb, your way with words continues to astonish me.

      • Barb


    • Callyson

      So I should address the thank you card to "militant gay groups" then? OK, Pat, thanks for the info!

  • May their logs be covered with santorum.

    • Guppy

      I suspect that not even gay Republicans believe in using condoms.

  • Gay Republicans — Openly Gay We Mean — Very Pleased

    ♫ "It's a hard-cock life/ For us/ It's a hard-cock life / For us!!"

  • I once watched a documentary on logo that featured a gay republican who was going to hawaii for a wedding and was trying to find someone to go as his date. He met with a series of men, telling each of them he was a repub, and offering to take them to Hawaii. None of them would go with him.

  • littlebigdaddy

    Log Cabin Republicans meet Jews for Jesus.

    • Limeylizzie

      And working-class Monarchists.

      • littlebigdaddy

        Yes, god bless those factory worker Tories.

    • Jesus never wanted to kill the Jews.

      • littlebigdaddy

        But vice versa?

        • Assuming there's any truth to the legend, only the Romans had the power of life and death in the states they ruled, IIRC. He could not have been put to death if his words had not been construed to imply treason to the Roman Empire. So, no.

          • littlebigdaddy

            Biggus Dickus libel!

          • SorosBot

            Well we can watch the documentary footage then…

          • The hats!

          • flamingpdog

            According to one of the books I've read by Biblical scholar Bart Ehrman, Pontius Pilate was such a vicious sociopath that the Emperor finally had to remove him office in Judea because he was creating more unrest than he was suppressing. He is recorded as being not such a nice guy in other outposts he served at as well.

          • Very interesting. Royal sociopaths were, so to speak, all the rage in Biblical times, weren't they? Although the very state of royalty itself encourages the breeding of psychopathy, I suppose. Do you recommend the book? Surely you read it for some purpose other than the discovery of Pilate's psychological ills?

    • GOPCrusher

      AFSCME Members in Support of Scott Walker

      • Boojum_Reborn

        LDS LGBT

  • pinkocommi

    Being gay is cool. But being Republican is just embarrassing.

    • The LCRs make us gay folk ashamed to belong to the same minority that they do.

    • flamingpdog

      LOL, true story. When my youngest son came out last year and told me his friend was thinking of running for office, I asked my son if his friend was a Democrat because I could accept him if he were gay but there would be no way I could accept him if he were a Republican!

      • Did he give you the "ZOMG DAD" eyeroll? My partner's teenage daughter is very good at this. So good that I'm expecting her to sprain an eyeball any day now.

  • ttommyunger

    I'm convinced the Log Cabin Republicans are just the S&M Wing of teh gheys. In other words, they get off by being abused, debased and punished. Sad.

    • ZOMG!

    • GOPCrusher

      Kind of like the 4 members of the Republiklan African-American Caucus.

      • ttommyunger

        Does that count Thomas Sowell?

  • CapnFatback

    While he continues to support a constitutional amendment banning marriage equality – a position Log Cabin strongly opposes – he is also on record saying that such an amendment has been tried, rejected, and is unlikely to ever succeed.

    Well, accepting a hateful law's guaranteed failure is just as good as opposing it in my book! Let's just put this in our Analogy Convertron 3000, shall we, and see what we get?

    Doop de doo . . .ah, here comes the printout . . . Gadzooks, I don't know why we haven't upgraded from the dot matrix. Anyhoo, here we go:

    "While he continues to support a constitutional amendment banning interracial marriages – a position the National Black Republican Association strongly opposes – he is also on record saying that such an amendment has been tried, rejected, and is unlikely to ever succeed."

    "While he continues to support a constitutional amendment banning immigration from Mexico – a position the Republican National Hispanic Assembly strongly opposes – he is also on record saying that such an amendment has been tried, rejected, and is unlikely to ever succeed."

    "While he continues to support a constitutional amendment banning non-Christian religions – a position the Republican Jewish Coalition strongly opposes – he is also on record saying that such an amendment has been tried . . ."

    *flipping pages*

    Hoo boy. It goes on like this.

  • Negropolis

    You want to know the very worst thing about the Log Cabin Republicans? Their smugness in defense of the indefensible with people that hate them. Hell, believe whatever you want, but I could do without the "we are superior to other voters, because we're not single issue voters" bullshit. They seem completely oblivious to the fact that the joke is on them. How are you going to support a party which officially doesn't even view you as equal, first class citizen, and in fact and even more important given that neither party is perfect, who seek to keep you as lesser Americans? Yeah, besides that, Mrs. Lincoln…?

  • chicken_thief

    A three way with three bottoms?! Puh-leeze. Needs more Santorum.

  • Callyson

    Meanwhile, the poll on the right hand side of this post asked my opinion of Mittens.
    I took great pleasure in clicking "I don't know who that is."
    What? With all of his flip flops, I have no idea who the hell Mitt Romney is…

  • SudsMcKenzie

    And, they all agreed, Huntsman has the best beard.

    • …Now that Bachmann's dropped out.

  • DaRooster

    Those Log Cabin folks are gay…

    … and dumb.

  • ingloriousbytch

    Nothing's decided until the black members of the Aryan Resistance weigh in.

  • Allmighty_Manos

    Yeah, wait until they get to South Carolina.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I'm sorry, but being a gay Republican is like being a member of "Hebrews for Hitler." It just makes no fucking sense at all.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Aren't these Log Cabin people essentially displaying the same psychology as victims of domestic violence who are in denial? Shouldn't they be getting some therapy, or at least a restraining order?

    Also, Ron F-ing Paul? Are you kidding? Did they not even bother to watch "Bruno"?

  • kissawookiee

    Given his druthers, he'd have us all strung up AND garrotted AND assfucked sideways with a chainsaw, as an ironic commentary on teh buttsecks (and the ironic commentary!) we all love so much. But he said there's not much of a chance he'll actually be *allowed* to do that, so we're totally cool!

  • neiltheblaze

    Stockholm Syndrome in action.

  • Steverino247

    "Governor Mitt Romney has established himself as a candidate who can unite Republicans and a clear threat to Barack Obama in November…"

    So, Mitt Romulan is a clear threat to Barack Obama? Call the Secret Service!!!

  • poorgradstudent

    To be fair, they recognize in Romney one of their own. By that I mean an individual pathologically incapable of having any principles more sophisticated than "As long as I got mine."

    • I agree. I know a Log Cabin Republican and the only things in the world he cares about are his expensive pedigreed dog and his financial portfolio (yes, he uses terms like that even with people he knows don't have this month's rent). Sex is maybe a fourth interest behind shopping. "I got mine" should be carved over his front door.

      • Boojum_Reborn

        I read that as "with people who know he doesn't have this month's rent.". It was both funnier and more pathetic that way, somehow.

  • arihaya

    true story: there was a group called "Muslims for Bush" that supported Dubya in 2000

    but after its turn out that Bush presidency was a massive catastrophe, the group folded and now become non-partisan "Muslims for America",

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