QUICK AND DIRTY  9:25 pm January 10, 2012

So Mitt Romney Won New Hampshire, Let’s Hang Out

by Liz Colville

Mitt Crazy Eyes/9000/My Twinn Doll Romney has been declared the winner of the New Hampshire primary, seizing 37.3 percent of the vote, according to AP, with 43 percent of precincts reporting as of the time that this post was delivered to the Internet. Ron Paul is second with 23.4 percent, and Jon Huntsman scurried up to third place with 17.4 percent.

Newt Gingrich is fourth with 9.9 percent of the vote, Rick Santorum is fifth with 9.8 (ooh! closeness) and Rick Perry is sixth with 0.7 percent.

Twenty-three percent reporting was enough for AP to call the results, so Romney gave the above acceptance speech at the wee hour of 8:30PM, just half an hour after New Hampshire polls closed. So it’s time for you to go to sleep now and hope for a better 2013. ORRRR you can hang out because Ron Paul and Jon Huntsman are both planning on heading to South Carolina, as are (naturally) Rick Santorum, Newt Gingrich and Rick Perry, and they have all Said Things or are about to! So thank you and not-goodbye! [NYTimes]

9:41 — Ron Paul said things. Highlight: “I sort of have to chuckle when they describe you and me as being DANGEROUS!” He also forgot his children’s names.

9:52 — Huntsman has given his speech. Liddy Huntsman is sparkly. The gist: “Third place is a ticket to ride” and “Here we go to South Carolina!”

10:01 — Both Santorum and Gingrich are speaking at the same time. They just don’t give a damn! Santorum’s daughter Elizabeth looks ready for a guest role on Downton Abbey. Gingrich just looks SAD, MAN. But he has declared: “This campaign will go on to South Carolina.”

10:04 — RACHEL MADDOW STOP SWIVELLING YOUR PEN.

10:08 — Someone who is perhaps new to speeches has called Romney’s speech tonight his “best speech.”

10:41 — Frothey thanks New Hampshire on Twitter for, uh, keeping his “momentum” going even though all the weepy teabaggers mostly stayed home and left him in fifth place.

10:50 — We are already talking about South Carolina now, since New Hampshire sucks. Oh look, non-candidate teevee comedian Stephen Colbert is polling ahead of Jon Hunstman among gullible twits, make a surprised face!

10:57 — The media interest in this primary has officially nestled into its grave. “So apparently there is this place called South Carolina we are supposed to care about,” ruminates the NYTimes.

11:06 — CITIZENS ARE NOT PSYCHED. MSNBC’s data just presented upon the television screen shows that 55 percent of non-Romney-voting people in New Hampshire’s primary would be “dissatisfied” if Romney became the Republican nominee.

11:22 — “[W]e are left with a half-dozen halfwits who want to defeat Barack Obama and become leader of the free world.” – A British lady.

On that delightful note, SNOOZE, fellow citizens of our attempted “European-style social welfare state.”

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 578 comments }

Barb January 10, 2012 at 9:41 pm

He's been campaigning for 5 years now for this showing?

the_problem_child January 10, 2012 at 9:44 pm

Pretty fucking impressive, no?

Radiotherapy January 10, 2012 at 10:01 pm

He's was much better at firing people, that's for sure.

deanbooth January 10, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Five and a half years! Almost as bad as Walnut's ordeal.

flamingpdog January 10, 2012 at 10:55 pm

At least we didn't have to share Walnut's ordeal with him.

Maman January 10, 2012 at 10:14 pm

And he has a house there. yikes

Barb January 10, 2012 at 10:30 pm

Shit, look what happened to Michele Bachamann in Iowa, her home state. It's also Marcus' homo state.

RavenRant January 11, 2012 at 12:29 am

Well, they did give sell her the Straw Poll, so she had her brief, shining moment in the sun.

Data Exactly January 11, 2012 at 1:42 am

Yeah, Tim Pawlenty deflated like a pool float after the loss then!

Tundra Grifter January 11, 2012 at 9:48 am

R2:

But then she was done in the by Sticks Poll.

Which turned out OK, because that Bricks Poll is a hard way to go.

foog January 11, 2012 at 2:49 am

I thought barely repressed was Marcus's homo state. (it's somewhere by Massachusetts I think)

glamourdammerung January 11, 2012 at 3:21 am

He's been campaigning for 5 years now for this showing?

I am not sure why you seem to think this is bad.

Papa Doc Paul got even less with even more years of failing to win a presidential primary, let alone election under his belt.

Tundra Grifter January 11, 2012 at 9:49 am

Barb:

This is the guy who lost to John McCain in 2008. Now he thinks he's going to beat Mr. Obama?

This is the best the GNoPee got?

WoW!

Barb January 11, 2012 at 10:19 am

True that! Morning, Tundra!

MittsHairHelmet January 10, 2012 at 9:42 pm

The Mitt-Bot 9000 gives much better speeches when they're before its 9:30pm bedtime.

flamingpdog January 10, 2012 at 10:58 pm

Also when he's reading off an Obamaprompter, which he was.

NellCote71 January 10, 2012 at 11:20 pm

It is apparently a slippery slope from a TelePrompTer [stupid autofill] to Socialism.

Donner, Party of 1 January 10, 2012 at 9:42 pm

I have to speak really bad but I want to see Newt poop first.

flamingpdog January 10, 2012 at 11:44 pm

Check out this picture of Newt and his gargoyle girrrrl and I can almost guarantee you'll poop first.

RavenRant January 11, 2012 at 12:34 am

Public displays of affection can be irritating, but public displays of "I can barely force myself to make physical contact with you" are creepy and sad.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 11, 2012 at 12:41 am

what has been seen cannot be unseen

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 1:27 am

Sho' nuff, dood.

PuckStopsHere January 10, 2012 at 9:43 pm

What I have learnt tonight: Mormons don't smoke and they don't drink but they sure lie their asses off.

BarackMyWorld January 10, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Adam Ant's question has finally been answered.

Negropolis January 10, 2012 at 9:53 pm

It's the overcompensation for the not smoking and not drinking. lo

Fare la Volpe January 10, 2012 at 10:04 pm

These are people who have to convince themselves everyday that their prophet read golden plates no one ever saw out of a hat no one ever saw using a magic seer stone no one ever saw. Lying comes second nature.

snackypants January 10, 2012 at 10:09 pm

They know how to lie in English and Ancient Egyptian.

ShaveTheWhales January 10, 2012 at 11:17 pm

Reformed Ancient Egyptian.

Warpde January 10, 2012 at 10:49 pm

Ahh! But how do we know they are not lie'n about the drinki'n and the smoki'n and the sexti'n?

Jukesgrrl January 10, 2012 at 11:46 pm

Considering Utah's First Place showing in the "who watches the most online porn" customer tracking, we would do well to assume they are lying if their lips are moving.

bagofmice January 11, 2012 at 1:31 am

That's the best kind of porn. It involves lying and moving lips.

natoslug January 11, 2012 at 11:34 am

Which, were Mitt to be subjected to the same rules as those of the everyday Mormon rather than a Platinum Class Mormon, would at a minimum mean a loss of his temple recommend. The 13th Article of Faith, per the Mormon UberBible:
“We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men; indeed, we may say that we follow the admonition of Paul—We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.”

And yet, the important thing to the LDS I still know is not that he presents the faith as one full of lying, conniving douchebags, but that he is in name LDS even if not in action and therefore about to bring about a Godly reign on earth or some such bullshit.

ifthethunderdontgetya January 10, 2012 at 9:43 pm

Mittens is a funny name for a lizard from outer space.
~

BarackMyWorld January 10, 2012 at 9:44 pm
anniegetyerfun January 11, 2012 at 12:48 am

I finally got around to seeing this today, and I laughed and laughed.

Limeylizzie January 10, 2012 at 9:44 pm

So this is the man that Ken Layne thinks should be Preznit?

Ken Layne January 10, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Whut?

Barb January 10, 2012 at 9:51 pm

She's awakened the Krac-Ken!

OCcupied_Surf_Serf January 10, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Hopefully just Ms. Cracken

C_R_Eature January 10, 2012 at 9:55 pm

Phil McCrackin's Sister?

littlebigdaddy January 10, 2012 at 10:15 pm

Phil McCracken!

Limeylizzie January 10, 2012 at 10:04 pm

Well, you hate Hopey, so what's the choices??

mourningnmerica January 10, 2012 at 10:38 pm

Lizzie, this is your old buddy. I hope you will still consider me a pal. But is this really a time to make ANY pro Barry comments? Are you not a lot concerned about the President signing the defense bill? The one where they can hold American citizens without representation or trial, in perpetuity? Has Obama EVER looked as much like the same damn thing as Romney? Do you really see an important difference? Because I can assure you, they are both part of the same problem. Is is time to get out of denial and onto the understanding that, like the others, Obama is just another Wall Street flunkey. To deny this any longer is just willful.

Limeylizzie January 10, 2012 at 10:42 pm

Ron Paul?

Gainsbourg69 January 10, 2012 at 10:48 pm

Fuck off, Paultard cunt.

PalinzADummy January 10, 2012 at 10:56 pm

No, it is not willful to deny that Obama is "just another Wall Street flunkey," because he simply is not. I just read Politicsusa's analysis of the NDAA bill and the signing statement and I now understand exactly what the President did and why. Given that the bill could pass without his signature, he did the best possible thing. He did not permit them to pass the bill over his veto; he attached a signing statement to the bill to circumvent its worst effects. We now have time to elect representatives who will work towards overturning the parts of this bill that are damaging.

Barb January 10, 2012 at 10:57 pm

Lizzie IS my friend and I agree with her. No need to single her out.

Pres.VerminSupreme January 10, 2012 at 11:31 pm

CTHULHU/SHOGGOTH '12

WHY VOTE FOR THE LESSER EVIL?

imissopus January 11, 2012 at 12:10 am

Why you saucy little fraulein.

Negropolis January 10, 2012 at 9:54 pm

Oooo….well played, Lizzie; well played.

Limeylizzie January 10, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Thanks Negrop. Just pointing out a few things.

PalinzADummy January 10, 2012 at 10:57 pm

*Smooch!*

SorosBot January 10, 2012 at 11:08 pm

Can't we all just get along?

Limeylizzie January 10, 2012 at 11:13 pm

Make your Mum run for President, she has huge balls.

Barb January 10, 2012 at 11:15 pm

LimeyLizzie, ridiculously attractive, sassy and spunky as the day is long. Let's all get along.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 11, 2012 at 12:43 am

I'd prefer a nice grassy patch of yard to lie out in on hot summer days.

Can't we all get a lawn?

RavenRant January 11, 2012 at 12:48 am

Lizzie, haven't you ever heard ♪ ♫ You don't tug on SuperKen's cape ♫ ♪ ?

Limeylizzie January 11, 2012 at 8:53 am

Did I start something? I missed all the blowback as my plane was below 10,000 feet and I had to turn off my laptop.

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 1:26 pm

She says, like butter wouldn't melt in her mouth, and you can see she's hiding behind her back the hand that threw the snowball.

(smooches Limeylizzie again)

Limeylizzie January 11, 2012 at 1:42 pm

You are 100% correct.

fuflans January 12, 2012 at 12:37 am

oh lizzie. you almost made me miss those days: walking out of the bar into the departure lounge (with that 1k strut) and then sending that last bombshell txt b/4 you have to shut down for FAA reasons.

but then i remembered how much i hated that job.

C_R_Eature January 11, 2012 at 5:38 am

This is one helluva thread and I clearly went to bed too early.

I think these posts here contain more accurate, cogent political analysis than a month of "Sunday Shows" blowhardism, anything on Fox "News" ever and gigabytes of RedHateFreeperBritebart rants (and NOTHING IN ALL CAPS). Plus, the legendary Wonkette humor.

You people are the best.

Tundra Grifter January 11, 2012 at 10:00 am

CRE:

The measure of a good post is the number of thumbs up.

The measure of a great post is the number of replies. Not meaningless rants, but real, thoughtful, FUNNY – Wonkette – replies.

2L hit a grand slam on this one. I don't know what that would be in cricket.

BerkeleyBear January 11, 2012 at 12:24 pm

A century, if I recall my cricket lore correctly.

BarackMyWorld January 10, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Is Buddy Roemer gonna have to choke a bitch?

Come here a minute January 10, 2012 at 9:46 pm

So that happened.

The cool thing is that it's the first time in sixteen years that there's no Democratic primary.

ifthethunderdontgetya January 10, 2012 at 9:52 pm

Kinda sad if you ask me.

Here we have the most right-wing Democratic President in my lifetime, and after those right-wing policies have failed all but the richest few for 3 decades running.
~

BarackMyWorld January 10, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Bill Clinton (the guy who signed Welfare "reform", Defense of Marriage Act, the Telecommunications Act of 1996, NAFTA, GATT, and the repeal of Glass–Steagall) says hello.

imissopus January 10, 2012 at 10:27 pm

You forgot signing DADT into law. You know, the law Obama worked on Congress and the military for almost two years to repeal.

BarackMyWorld January 10, 2012 at 10:34 pm

Left it out on purpose. Though its time was finally up, DADT was progress compared to what came before it.

The same can't be said for those other things, which were reactionary, pro-corporate concessions that Clinton signed into law.

The difference between Obama and Clinton: one kept us in the same place or moves us forward a little but not as far as he could have, the other one took us 2 steps back for every one step forward.

fuflans January 10, 2012 at 10:58 pm

yeah, but bill clinton is in a movie about the rolling stones so barry is still conservative-er.

Jukesgrrl January 10, 2012 at 11:51 pm

He's in a movie about Barbra Streisand, too. Maybe he just likes music.

Gainsbourg69 January 10, 2012 at 11:28 pm

Didn't you know? Obama is blah, so he had nothing to lose. He should be to the left of Noam Chomsky.

RavenRant January 11, 2012 at 1:16 am

A few days ago, when all the Wonketteers were "blah" this and "blah" that, the ingenious 'mrblifil' coined the term "Blahrack".

Whenever we are using "blah" and Obama, "Blahrack" should be utilized. It would be wrong to waste this resource.

Chillwillard January 10, 2012 at 9:48 pm

So much for the "Santorum Surge"…

mourningnmerica January 10, 2012 at 10:41 pm

No more coming from behind.

PalinzADummy January 10, 2012 at 11:26 pm

That's what happens when you come from behind. You go back the same way.

Clancy_Pants January 10, 2012 at 9:49 pm

How much per vote?

Fare la Volpe January 10, 2012 at 10:06 pm

Nothing! It only cost our peace of mind.

Jukesgrrl January 10, 2012 at 11:52 pm

My favorite question. I always wish I could get straight answers to that.

MilwaukeeKent January 10, 2012 at 9:49 pm

Victory for the Out-of-touchney!

RavenRant January 11, 2012 at 1:19 am

So now "Jeez, you are so Rom is now equivalent to "Jeez, you are so out of touch!

Good to know.

natoslug January 11, 2012 at 11:37 am

I thought it meant "Jeez, you are a two-faced lying panderbaby!"

angerbear January 10, 2012 at 9:51 pm

As long as he keeps up the full-throated condemnation of Mittbot's history as a cold-blooded economic predator (Bain Capital–where good jobs go to die!), I will refrain from commenting on Newt's many obvious and grotesque character flaws.

Mahousu January 10, 2012 at 9:51 pm

Has Mitt found his own voice yet?

Jukesgrrl January 10, 2012 at 11:54 pm

No, but he found A voice via a speechwriter and a teleprompter. And I doubt we will ever again hear his own if that liking to fire people is any indication.

MilwaukeeKent January 11, 2012 at 12:14 am

That was just a pink slip of the tongue.

RavenRant January 11, 2012 at 1:23 am

Sadly, he found it, but it was far more sterile, robotic and lifeless than Stephen Hawking's.

Now, his dialog is being dubbed by a fourth-rate industrial film narrator.

AutomaticPilot January 10, 2012 at 9:51 pm

Mitt's voice just sounds like that voice-over in every 1950s filmstrip.

Mahousu January 10, 2012 at 9:57 pm

Is that a "yes" or a "no" to my question?

AutomaticPilot January 10, 2012 at 10:04 pm

I think it's a "no" – and totally unrelated, but I want a reporter to ask him if he wears the required Mormon "jesus jammies"

PalinzADummy January 10, 2012 at 11:43 pm

He's a Bishop with a Temple Recommend. I can't remember if they can yank your Temple Recommend for not wearing hol(e)y undies, though.

Biff January 11, 2012 at 10:38 am

In a word, yes. It would be like the equivalent of being defrocked, since they see the garments as being like the robe and collar, but YOU can't see 'em.

Jukesgrrl January 10, 2012 at 11:56 pm

When he's trying to sound cheerful, he goes for the Wink Martindale® inflection.

poncho_pilot January 11, 2012 at 2:43 am

"welcome…to the Hall of Not-Presidents."

OCcupied_Surf_Serf January 10, 2012 at 9:52 pm

♫ Dogs cry tonight in NH ♫

Chillwillard January 10, 2012 at 10:05 pm

The real question is, "who let the dogs out?"

RavenRant January 11, 2012 at 1:32 am

That incident was so… words fail. Everyone was being warm and welcoming, but , fuckme, they were brown, so "Who let the dogs out" is all he could come up with.

If every person in America who is not a WPWAP* doesn't climb over every malicious obstacle thrown in their path and VOTE, we are in serious trouble.

*White Person With A Penis

Biff January 11, 2012 at 10:49 am

Isn't that from a Prince song? When Dogs Cry?

Donner, Party of 1 January 10, 2012 at 9:52 pm

Perry got the 954 ".. or die" New Hampshire voters.

rocktonsam January 10, 2012 at 9:52 pm

ladies, Mitten's boys are all single

can you say mission to France?

not that Dewey January 10, 2012 at 10:26 pm

Well, at least one of them is named "Tagg". My guess is not a lot of ladies want to be "Mrs Tagg Romney".

Just look at that face. If that doesn't say "doofus"…

NorbertsRevenge January 10, 2012 at 10:45 pm

how could you.

flamingpdog January 10, 2012 at 11:07 pm

… it says "sexual predator".

PalinzADummy January 10, 2012 at 11:25 pm

All over that lopsided, glitter-eyed grimace.

not that Dewey January 10, 2012 at 11:39 pm

Not mutually exclusive.

GregComlish January 11, 2012 at 10:02 am

Looking at that photo is like being raped by Sports Goofy

PalinzADummy January 10, 2012 at 11:25 pm

Oh sweet jezus. Is that Tagg? What a horrifying fucking sight.

I swear, my sexual desire levels just dropped by a whopping 40%. I might never have another wet dream, or even a fit of lust.

not that Dewey January 10, 2012 at 11:42 pm

Yes, that is the con-artist fraudster son of the Great Candidate. Not to be confused with the other son, the birther. Makes a mother proud, huh?

PalinzADummy January 10, 2012 at 11:52 pm

Why do I have this sudden overwhelming urge to punch them both fiercely in the nuts?

PalinzADummy January 10, 2012 at 11:24 pm

I'm pretty sure more than one of them is not just married but also besprogged.

Jukesgrrl January 11, 2012 at 12:07 am

Rockton, YOU LIE! All of Mitt's sons — Tagg (no shit, it's short for Taggert, as if Mitt wasn't bad enough), Matt, Josh, Ben, and Craig — are married. In fact, all but Ben are also fathers. Those Mormons can't wait to have sex and aren't supposed to get any unless there's a ring involved, so Mitt will probably have great-great-grandchildren before he kicks off. Now ladies (and gentlemen for that matter), don't let that stop you. A good sex scandal might improve this boring family.

flamingpdog January 11, 2012 at 12:54 am

Even a bad sex scandal might.

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 1:12 am

Those *faces,* though. Who the fuck wants to screw something that looks like a feral, rabid squirrel?

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 2:02 am

Taggart, Taggart … wait. Wasn't Taggart the name of the character played by Slim Pickens in Blazing Saddles?

Biff January 11, 2012 at 10:56 am

Also Dagny, in that awful Ayn Rand movie.

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 9:56 pm

God, that stupid woman's drivel is *so* forgettable.

Jukesgrrl January 11, 2012 at 8:45 pm

I don't know about Blazing Saddles, but it's the last name of the protagonist in Atlas Shrugged.Rand libel!

Biff January 11, 2012 at 10:54 am

When I was a sprout, the Brown Shoe Co. had a mascot named Buster Brown, who had a dog named Tag. Are they the same?

Jukesgrrl January 11, 2012 at 8:49 pm

I forgot about that.Did your Brown shoe store have one of those machines that x-rayed your feet?

Biff January 11, 2012 at 10:56 pm

I don't know if they did, I didn't shop there. Went to the Red Wing store on Market St in SF, or to WT Grant's for my PF Fliers.

rocktonsam January 11, 2012 at 9:11 pm

my bad,I thought teh moremens could has all the womenz thay wants

Texan_Bulldog January 10, 2012 at 9:53 pm

I hate to admit it but for a time I figured Mitt would be passable as president. It's not like he could do more damage than W, but every time he opens his pie hole, I grow to detest him even more. What a dick–hope Newt's PAC buddies beat the crap out of him in SC.

Gainsbourg69 January 10, 2012 at 10:02 pm

Thanks to Romney I'm going to star being mean to Mormons. Whenever they offer to mow my lawn I'm going to talk to them about second amendment solutions.

PalinzADummy January 10, 2012 at 11:21 pm

I approve of this sentiment.

Biff January 11, 2012 at 10:57 am

Are you crazy?

Get them to mow the lawn first…

fuflans January 10, 2012 at 10:06 pm

exactly. listening to him tonight was a like an acid flashback.

to 2004. with cheney lurking somewhere unseemly.

mourningnmerica January 10, 2012 at 10:45 pm

None of them, including Obama, are passable. Change will only come from without, not from within.

Gainsbourg69 January 10, 2012 at 10:51 pm

Who is this from without candidate?

PalinzADummy January 10, 2012 at 11:22 pm

A PinkUnicorn SparklyPony From OuterSpace will descend at the last minute in a handsome chrome-fittings-bedecked silvery spaceship to save us from ourselves. I thought that was in the script somewhere. No?

Gainsbourg69 January 10, 2012 at 11:40 pm

Trick Daddy?

RavenRant January 11, 2012 at 1:37 am

It's a cookbook!!1!!!

BigDumbRedDog January 11, 2012 at 10:35 am

Kang/Kodos 2012! Woot!
That's change from without we can believe in.

PalinzADummy January 10, 2012 at 11:20 pm

Like you, I once found him … acceptable. Too bland to dislike, anyway. Now I just abhor him. He's like some fucking Shapeshifter alien. You never know if he's got a tentacle up your arsehole, or what.

tealsheart January 10, 2012 at 11:27 pm

What is 'Alien tentacle up my Arsehole' for $300 Alex.

user-of-owls January 10, 2012 at 11:30 pm

*Bing*

Alex: Correct.

"Dave': I'll take Japanese Porn Specialties for $500, Alex.

tealsheart January 11, 2012 at 12:24 am

…there's no such thing as porn…

RavenRant January 11, 2012 at 1:40 am

The new 'Republican Reality' is that W was too liberal. Mitt is running far to the right of Bush, just as W was to the right of Reagan and Bush Daddy.

SorosBot January 10, 2012 at 9:53 pm

So Santorum is immediately on Gingrich's rear?

Barb January 10, 2012 at 9:56 pm

And on his chin, his man breasts and a little dangling from his eyelid.

Gainsbourg69 January 10, 2012 at 9:56 pm

Huntsman should be president due to his genetics. His daughters are all smoking hot. Even the chunky one.

Negropolis January 10, 2012 at 9:59 pm

Have you seen his wife? I thought she was one of the daughters, at first. Ridiculous.

Gainsbourg69 January 10, 2012 at 10:07 pm

They all have their father's nose.

BarackMyWorld January 10, 2012 at 10:00 pm

The narrative seems to be he's running for the 2016 nomination. Hopefully, the daughters age well in the next few years.

cheaphits January 10, 2012 at 10:07 pm
jus_wonderin January 11, 2012 at 10:56 am

Oh my. Sweet!

Biff January 11, 2012 at 11:00 am

Ain't NO way they're wearing magic undies under those clothes! Ah-OOH-ga!

SorosBot January 11, 2012 at 11:03 am

I am baffled that any of them could be described as "chunky".

fuflans January 10, 2012 at 10:10 pm

oh. there is a chunky one. bless her heart.

Guppy January 10, 2012 at 10:14 pm

Meh. Looks less like "genetics" and more "Dow Chemical."

ElPinchePutoPulgo January 10, 2012 at 10:41 pm

As usual, I'll take the chunky one. It's Red Lobster date, then she puts the lotion in the basket.

Dr Ozark Hellbender January 10, 2012 at 11:09 pm

wait, you think one of those women is chunky? Get thee to an eating disorders clinic, go!

BarackMyWorld January 10, 2012 at 11:21 pm

Being the chunkiest Huntsman daughter is a little like being the poorest millionaire.

Gainsbourg69 January 10, 2012 at 11:30 pm

I say chunky in the most lovable way.

not that Dewey January 11, 2012 at 12:05 am

Perhaps "chunky" was referring to the bones visibly sticking out of the anorexic one.

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 1:07 pm

I know you'll forgive me, ntD, but I'm probly not gonna reply to you no moah. I can't look at that ferret-faced visage without thinking Teh Bad Thots. Sorry, hon. NUTPUNCH!!

GregComlish January 11, 2012 at 10:09 am

You'd have better chance of banging Huntsman's daughters if he isn't picked as the nominee.

Also, I'd like to think the hot one has, like, sexy-ass magic Mormon thong panties with encrusted rhinestones right above her Jesus-spot.

SorosBot January 11, 2012 at 11:40 am

Am I the only heterosexual man in the world that doesn't find thongs sexy, but prefers regular old panties?

natoslug January 11, 2012 at 12:45 pm

No, no you are not. Although I usually prefer no panties to either option.

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 1:10 pm

I was gonna say "No," until I saw the H-word. Hmph.

Ex-colleague used to call them "butt floss." I wouldn't fuck anybody who habitually wears thongs — they're a great way to move bacteria from the anus to the vagina, and I like to keep those two Portals To Heaven separate, if you get my drift.

BaldarTFlagass January 10, 2012 at 9:56 pm

So how many votes did Obama finally end up with?

BarackMyWorld January 10, 2012 at 9:58 pm

All of 'em, Katie…

Barb January 10, 2012 at 10:02 pm

Gold star reply! I honor you.

BarackMyWorld January 10, 2012 at 10:17 pm

It gets overused, but sometimes still appropriate.

Barb January 10, 2012 at 10:24 pm

No, you nailed it. When used appropriately it is a beautiful thing. "(insert word here) libel" has GOT TO GO!

MilwaukeeKent January 10, 2012 at 10:41 pm

If he gets 75,000 or more it's supposed to indicate something or other, in technical terms.

IceCreamEmpress January 11, 2012 at 1:13 am

Winter lasts another six weeks?

C_R_Eature January 10, 2012 at 9:57 pm

Urgh, there's Santorum spewing up on my Teevee screen. Must. Not. Hurl.

Ahhh – now its GINGRICH! SPEAKING HORRIBLE WORDS! *stomach heaves* *Brain shorts out*

Donner, Party of 1 January 10, 2012 at 9:57 pm

Santorum doesn't seem to have gotten the message that New Hampshire wants to keep having gay sex and abortions.

BarackMyWorld January 10, 2012 at 9:57 pm

ZOMG Santorum/Gingrich speaking at the exact same time DUELING DICKHEADS!!!

MittsHairHelmet January 10, 2012 at 10:03 pm

It's too much. Too much fucking perspective.

C_R_Eature January 10, 2012 at 10:15 pm

This primary goes up to 11.

Dudleydidwrong January 10, 2012 at 11:47 pm

More like dueling flatulence. I prefer the one in Blazing Saddles, however, because it has more class than these two upfarts.

mrblifil January 10, 2012 at 10:00 pm

Paul's party has to be the bomb! I heard he danced with a very special and antique lampshade on his head he had flown in all the way from Poland.

C_R_Eature January 10, 2012 at 10:07 pm

Grotesque. But funny.

flamingpdog January 10, 2012 at 11:12 pm

That's it, I'm never washing my hands in his bathroom.

ttommyunger January 10, 2012 at 11:34 pm

You win the day, m.

Donner, Party of 1 January 10, 2012 at 10:00 pm

Woohoo!! Newt is going to South Carolina!

Barb January 10, 2012 at 10:03 pm

For realz?

Donner, Party of 1 January 10, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Yes, TONIGHT. He's going to carry his Paychecks Not Food Stamps message to the people of America.

Barb January 10, 2012 at 10:08 pm

I thought you were pulling my leg there. Donner, do you think he's going to go apeshit on Mitt now with attack ads and such?

Donner, Party of 1 January 10, 2012 at 10:15 pm

I sure as hell hope so. I specifically want to see this ad run over and over. Nothing will make me happier than to taunt my christian conservative friends for having to vote for a candidate that has done more to advance abortion rights than any other major candidate for President on either side EVER.

SorosBot January 10, 2012 at 10:20 pm

Newtie really, really seems to hate Mittens; it's like he's hitting the Republican Party self-destruct button, and I for one couldn't be happier.

PalinzADummy January 10, 2012 at 11:31 pm

Should go over RLY well there.

PalinzADummy January 10, 2012 at 11:30 pm

Ya broke 100 awreddy, change the sig.

Harry_S_Truman January 10, 2012 at 10:01 pm

Looking for a silver lining, Santorum figures he's 10 times more popular than Perry.

PalinzADummy January 10, 2012 at 11:44 pm

As are cockroaches.

Negropolis January 10, 2012 at 10:03 pm

WhI wouldn't give to hear my president, right now. It's like he's been holed up in the White House in hibernation.

Gainsbourg69 January 10, 2012 at 10:09 pm

I'm waiting for Barry to unleash his citizens united loot.

caitifty January 10, 2012 at 10:10 pm

He's too busy giggling.

Negropolis January 10, 2012 at 10:14 pm

And, that twould be a total mistake. If I've learned nothing else about incumbency in politics it's the folks that always go by the "let them destroy themselves" strategy almost always lose. Mitt has been casting vile aspersions against the president for months on end, now, with very little pushback from the president's surrogates. They need to get on it before this lying bullshit sinks in, because it will, especially against a president a lot of non-political (white) folks don't particularly connect with on a personal level. He can't leave them alone by themselves for too long, or base tribalism sets in.

He doesn't need to be out there with opinions on the race, but his surrogates should be out in force every primary night on TV giving rebuttals and critiques of the results. Honestly, where the hell is Biden?

Donner, Party of 1 January 10, 2012 at 10:22 pm

Or even better, advocate for all that vile yurpeen and socialist shit. If yer gonna do the time, may as well do the crime.

PalinzADummy January 10, 2012 at 11:59 pm

I understand why he's played it cautious so far. Look at how obstructive these Republipigs have been. If he'd started out with all the soshulismz, there would have been riots and blood and civil war, methinks. Now, three years out, the Repigs have screamed themselves hoarse and look like total fuckwits, Obama looks like the reasonable entity in the room, and things are turning around. People are beginning to realize that maybe it's not so OK to call the Prez racist names and scream bullshit about how much HE hates white people, when it's pretty fucking obvious that white Republicans hate the fuck out of him, and he's been dealing with them like a patient and reasonable adult.

I'm hoping that he pulls all the stops out in his second term. (Plz deity in whom I do not bleev).

Gainsbourg69 January 10, 2012 at 10:46 pm

I'd at least wait until they get to Florida. The reality in Florida is that we have a teabagger governor who is polling in the twenties and is a corporate goon just like Mittens. We're also a majority blue state.

mourningnmerica January 10, 2012 at 11:23 pm

It's me, again, the guy you just called a cunt. I see that you just referred to Mittens as a corporate goon. And of course, he is. But the maddening part is that you don't see that Obama is also. Now understand something. I am a liberal Democrat. Always have been. But Jesus man, do you not keep up on the news? At what point do you stop cheerleading for Barry? Did you just decide he's your guy regardless of what he actually….. does? He is as big a corporate lackey as has ever been in the White House. Did you not see what happened with MF Global, and how Barry is protecting his favorite fundraiser, Jon Corzine? And the Defense Bill? And his 100% faithful service to Goldman Sachs?

Dr Ozark Hellbender January 10, 2012 at 11:11 pm

Where's Biden? Recording new voiceovers for Newt's film about Romney.

PalinzADummy January 10, 2012 at 11:24 pm

Didja see the clip? It's GREAT!

mourningnmerica January 10, 2012 at 11:32 pm

Very coherent post. Your last paragraph in particular, is right on. The surrogates should be out in force.

But….. and I suppose I should probably resist my urge to respond to your post at all…. but you, talking about base tribalism. That's rich.

Sorry, I just couldn't resist. In view of the last couple of giant shits that he just took on democracy in the last couple of weeks, Barack Obama cheerleaders are just something I simply can't abide without comment.

HempDogbane January 11, 2012 at 10:30 am

Jesus H. Christ. Don't get out much?

BarackMyWorld January 10, 2012 at 10:03 pm

Gingrich just blamed the Washington press for not inventing his energy policy for him.

Wow, this guy hates the press.

PalinzADummy January 10, 2012 at 11:44 pm

He hates everybody, darlz. And in the "Anybody-But_Romney" fervor, people have forgotten that mostly everybody hates him too, and almost always has.

C_R_Eature January 10, 2012 at 10:03 pm

Answer to GINGIRICH SPEAKING:

Mute button + Zappa's "Broken Hearts and for Assholes". Loud.

"…'cos you're an Asshole, you're an Asshole (that's right!), you're an Asshole (yes, yes!) " etc.

Dr Ozark Hellbender January 10, 2012 at 11:17 pm

But don't fool yerself Newt,
It's lookin' at you
Don't fool yerself Newt,
It's winkin'at you
Don't fool yerself Newt,
It's blinkin' at you
That's why I say

Rammit, rammit, rammit up yer poopchute!
Rammit, rammit, rammit up yer poopchute!
Rammit, rammit, rammit up yer poopchute!
Rammit, rammit, rammit up yer poopchute!

C_R_Eature January 10, 2012 at 11:22 pm

You're very sick. I really admire that in a person.

I'll have nightmares tonight, but I'm so drunk I won't care.

Dr Ozark Hellbender January 10, 2012 at 11:35 pm

OK, so maybe you don't want to listen to Van Morrison's first solo hit right now, then.

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 12:01 am

Was that the one in which he's all talking about Crisco and losing your watch?

DustBowlBlues January 10, 2012 at 10:04 pm

First Newt, now Santorum. Isn't it sweetly ironic when these Republictard dicks complain about being outspent?

Gainsbourg69 January 10, 2012 at 10:18 pm

No one's stopping them from coming out against citizen united. They've each had significant time in the limelight.

PalinzADummy January 10, 2012 at 11:34 pm

They were hoping THEY'D score some of that sweet SuperPAC cash. Now that the shoe is on the other foot, they're complaining about the pinch. Crapweasels.

Donner, Party of 1 January 10, 2012 at 10:04 pm

Calista looks like she's going to fly off and catch a small rodent to celebrate.

chascates January 10, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Wait till that tongue shoots out of the corner of her mouth and snares a fly.

snackypants January 10, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Thank you for making gin *and* tonic come out of my nose with this comment.

PalinzADummy January 10, 2012 at 11:35 pm

Didja ever see Jacob's Ladder?

ttommyunger January 10, 2012 at 11:36 pm

Gingrich will console himself with a quick game of "Pick-up-Sticks" with his butt-cheeks.

tealsheart January 11, 2012 at 12:30 am

He's long since lost all buttCheek control, starting with his face

ttommyunger January 11, 2012 at 6:33 am

That would explain the constant odor.

MosesInvests January 11, 2012 at 12:28 am

More like a howler monkey-that is definitely the face of a harpy eagle.

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 1:28 am

Now I have to go look up harpy eagles.

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 1:29 am

It's that solid white casque, innit?

MosesInvests January 11, 2012 at 2:19 am

And the wide, staring eyes, also, too. (did I get that right? I haven't been commenting here long)

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 3:10 am

Perfectly, Young Padawan. Also, too.

chascates January 10, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Mitt is it. Not Reagan II, not the Southern Jesus, not the Founding Tea Partier, but the most electable candidate out of a gaggle of wannabes. And some will vote for him and some will stay home but Obama will win and the wails will continue. And little will change and the rancor will continue and grow and the right will plan and plot for 2016.
And the rich will get richer and, well, you know.

MittsHairHelmet January 10, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Everything is going according to plan.

C_R_Eature January 10, 2012 at 10:23 pm

Yup. and Everywhere you look the blues got the world by the balls

Jukesgrrl January 11, 2012 at 12:23 am

And by "blues" I don't think you mean Democrats.

fuflans January 10, 2012 at 11:02 pm

do i want you to be right or not? i really don't know.

Dudleydidwrong January 10, 2012 at 11:59 pm

"And little will change and the rancor will continue and grow and the right will plan and plot for 2016." Yes. The Left will try to plan and plot but they're not very good at that, as I see it. There could be room for an honest, viable third party in 2016, because there will come a time, hopefully by then, when that "rich getting richer" thing begins to come to a festering head.

]Just a little left in the Jack Daniels bottle so it is getting to be nite-nite time–if the damn room will just hold still…

BarackMyWorld January 10, 2012 at 10:06 pm

Shorter Gingrich: "People who disagree with me are obviously stupid."

BaldarTFlagass January 11, 2012 at 8:42 am

That's my dad's idea of a "discussion" about an "issue." "If your opinion differs from mine, you are a stupid fucking asshole."

Harry_S_Truman January 10, 2012 at 10:08 pm

When Santorum, Gingrich and Perry combine for less votes than Ron Paul, and your name is Santorum, Gingrich or Perry, it's time to reassess your campaign's chances.

mourningnmerica January 10, 2012 at 10:49 pm

This is indeed a sad day for hate in America. Oh, well, there's always tomorrow.

flamingpdog January 10, 2012 at 11:16 pm

They're just hoping he quits soon. 'Cause his heart quits soon.

DustBowlBlues January 10, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Quick–Remind Newt that every time a Republitard complains about a Democratic opponent having oodles more money, another angel turns blue.

DustBowlBlues January 10, 2012 at 10:09 pm

Nitey!

PalinzADummy January 10, 2012 at 11:33 pm

'Nite, DBB. Pleasant dreams.

Limeylizzie January 10, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Oh well, two more hours till we land, I've upset Ken…what next?

Barb January 10, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Quick, make out with me. He'll forget it quickly.

PalinzADummy January 10, 2012 at 11:16 pm

Ringside seats, please!

flamingpdog January 10, 2012 at 11:18 pm

Three-way or the freeway!

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 12:03 am

Slut. I want in, too.

poncho_pilot January 11, 2012 at 3:07 am

ass, gas, or grass?

chascates January 10, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Are you going to be in Downton Abbey's third season? I need something to look forward to!

SorosBot January 10, 2012 at 10:30 pm

Am I the only one who always reads Downton Abbey's title as "Downtown Abbey", then wonders what the fuck a Downton is?

Barb January 10, 2012 at 10:32 pm

Join me in my march, Dyslexic People Untie! (love Gary Larson!)

chascates January 10, 2012 at 10:46 pm

And instead of the Large Hadron Collider now think of the Large Hardon Collider.

PalinzADummy January 10, 2012 at 11:16 pm

Nope, I'm right there with you.

Limeylizzie January 10, 2012 at 10:35 pm

Yes, I play the char and part-time prostitute.A scrubber, if you will.

chascates January 10, 2012 at 10:48 pm

I love that show but that scene about the Somme looks ominous. Surely it ends well?

Limeylizzie January 10, 2012 at 10:53 pm

Haven't seen it, the Somme , however , did not end all that well.

RavenRant January 11, 2012 at 3:22 am

If I'm not mistaken, your typecasting includes the char, the part-time prostitute, and the daring, headstrong, French resistance fighter/chanteuse with a tragic weakness for German officer/interrogators with smart uniforms and *perhaps* a ceremonial riding crop.

Limeylizzie January 11, 2012 at 8:42 am

There's no perhaps about it. Have you seen “Black Book”?

mourningnmerica January 11, 2012 at 12:43 am

The first episode of season two was killer. And I have it on good authority that 50% of the viewers tune in simply so they can masturbate to Laura Linney in the introduction (looks around nervously).

C_R_Eature January 10, 2012 at 10:25 pm

Well I'm going to go and fall down in the hallway. Talk amongst yourselves.

Negropolis January 10, 2012 at 10:30 pm

Whatever you do, avoid Words with Friends.

Radiotherapy January 10, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Fuck you Newt. He just fucking flat out lies. "Obama raised taxes." Really. I don't call them the Bush/Obama tax cuts for nothing. And I can't believe that Callista is only 45 years old. She doesn't look a day under 60.

Fukui_sanYesOta January 10, 2012 at 10:15 pm

Yeah, he's just flat-out lying here.

SorosBot January 10, 2012 at 10:30 pm

What's the point in marrying a woman over twenty years younger than you when she looks like she's your age, anyway?

not that Dewey January 10, 2012 at 10:34 pm

Plausible deniability.

Radiotherapy January 10, 2012 at 10:40 pm

Only the "genius" Newt can answer that. Maybe he blames that on Obama too.

fuflans January 10, 2012 at 11:10 pm

apparently mr. fuflans was on the hill at the same time callista was (though he's a few years younger than she is). but EVERYTIME i see her, i look at him and am shocked all over again.

he looks to be an entirely different generation than she is. and not an older generation.

i guess that's the price of whore diamonds.

Pres.VerminSupreme January 10, 2012 at 11:35 pm

Or the price of a cheap embalmer.

Jukesgrrl January 11, 2012 at 12:30 am

I just watch her in utter amazement that the piece of hair that curls back on the left side of her head never droops. If I put three cans of hairspray on a wig it wouldn't do that. Superglue?

tealsheart January 10, 2012 at 11:11 pm

MommyComplex?
His old azz Reminds me… I need to talk to Mr TomCollins.

MissTaken January 10, 2012 at 11:15 pm

I call it Cradle-Robbing, Cougar-Poaching Schizophrenia.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 10, 2012 at 11:21 pm

I don't have any facts to back this up, but rumor has it that none of the vehicles in the Gingrich garage has a single bit of chrome left on the trailer hitch.

If you know what I mean.

And I think you do.

Serfville January 10, 2012 at 10:12 pm

I needed intellectual stimulation so I chose Celebrity Wife Swap over Paul's killing sick people with no health insurance to save 1 dime, libertarian rabid spit

Guppy January 10, 2012 at 10:15 pm

I'm sure glad we had Iowa and New Hampshire to winnow the field down for the other 48 states! This is the advantage of having a primary system approved by God and Jesus!

Nostrildamus January 10, 2012 at 10:15 pm

Just after the clip cut off, Romney fired everyone present.

Harry_S_Truman January 10, 2012 at 10:18 pm

Huntsman announces that his campaign will continue on to South Carolina . . .

. . . as soon as someone tells him where it is.

user-of-owls January 10, 2012 at 10:24 pm

So, Mitt has won a massive victory that will profoundly shape the upcoming electoral contest, which in turn will perhaps determine the course of history in our republic.

Because around 60,000 cranky white people in a state with an economy that relies on busloads of overweight suburbanites looking out the window at tree leaves and contributes 0.42% to the US GDP.

Perfect.

C_R_Eature January 10, 2012 at 10:27 pm

SSSSH! Stop questioning the Conventional Wisdom. You'll compromise the careers of several very wealthy media personalities!

What is wrong with you?

Negropolis January 10, 2012 at 10:27 pm

Tradition, tradition!

ElPinchePutoPulgo January 10, 2012 at 10:31 pm

You have to ruin EVERYTHING all the time ,don't you??!!11!

not that Dewey January 10, 2012 at 10:48 pm

You monster.

chascates January 10, 2012 at 10:51 pm

Fortunately we won't have to deal with these people for another 4 years. At least Iowa supplies necessary farm and industrial products. New Hampshire is known mainly for granite and quaint, old-fashioned idiocy.

Dashboard Buddha January 10, 2012 at 11:26 pm

As a worker bee in NH, I can, with confidence, state that at least in the southern part of the state, most of the people there work at high-tech (ie government funded) firms in Mass…and then come home to live in the libertarian utopia that is Nashua.

it's pretty pathetic really.

user-of-owls January 10, 2012 at 11:23 pm

Geez, guys.

I fully planned to dynamite Mt. Rushmore, but I thought I would get a little more edgy and go with this.

Cut me some slack already.

flamingpdog January 10, 2012 at 11:28 pm

What do you expect from a bunch of slackers?

Dr Ozark Hellbender January 10, 2012 at 11:31 pm

Slackers, but not cutters.

OK, except maybe that one guy who thinks that one of the Huntsman daughters is "chunky." Him, I worry about.

Gainsbourg69 January 11, 2012 at 12:41 am

She's not as thin as the other ones, dude. I like thick girls just so you know.

user-of-owls January 10, 2012 at 11:35 pm

Really, where's the ambition? Where's the fire in the belly?

(Don't tell anybody, but between you and me, I'm thinking about asking why we have to have elections on a Tuesday. But I'm afraid that's just "too much", ya know?)

not that Dewey January 11, 2012 at 12:04 am

It has to be on a Tuesday — Wolf Bilitzer has his entire week very carefully mapped out. Can you imagine what kind of bedlam would ensue if an election were held on a Friday afternoon?

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 12:05 am

Needz MOAR beans.

MilwaukeeKent January 11, 2012 at 12:31 am

This is why we can't have nice things.

Donner, Party of 1 January 10, 2012 at 10:25 pm

Huntsman said when he looks at America from 10000 miles, all he sees are bold colors. The only reason he could be sharing a peyote experience is to try and capture some of the Paul supporters.

Dr Ozark Hellbender January 10, 2012 at 10:27 pm

So Obama looks to "European capitols" as examples…what, now he's a goddam Papist?

SorosBot January 10, 2012 at 10:27 pm

So one of the local PBS station's digital sub-stations is showing what appears to be an English-language news channel for France, and the anchor is this absolutely gorgeous English redhead; she may be an even more attractive British redhead than Amy Pond, I think I'm in love.

chascates January 10, 2012 at 10:32 pm

Shit, all of my local PBS digital feeds are either Spanish-language, old Bob Ross shows, or kiddie shows. But I admit I can't get Ruff Ruffman's (Fetch!) scat-singing theme out of my head!

fuflans January 10, 2012 at 11:12 pm

i am a girl and i love amy pond.

PalinzADummy January 10, 2012 at 11:30 pm

GO for it, SorosBot! STALK her!

Pres.VerminSupreme January 10, 2012 at 11:36 pm

Is her daughter a Time Lady?

Gainsbourg69 January 11, 2012 at 12:44 am

Lucky.

BarackMyWorld January 10, 2012 at 10:30 pm

Two words that embody my hopes and desires for this race: BROKERED CONVENTION.

Hey, I can dream…

Jukesgrrl January 11, 2012 at 12:37 am

You and Howard Dean. He said that's his dream, too.

Guppy January 11, 2012 at 12:46 am

Personally, I'm hoping it's Open Carry Day at the convention when someone sees an adder…

Banelm January 11, 2012 at 8:01 am

Aint that the truth! This could well be the most epic and publicly corrupt primary in modern times. The sheer awfulness of it could split the Republicans into Libertarian and Teabaggy factions… But I'm getting ahead of myself. But not by much!

ElPinchePutoPulgo January 10, 2012 at 10:30 pm

Fuck yeah!! Mittens is ready to put America in a cage on top his car and drive around.

flamingpdog January 10, 2012 at 11:31 pm

La cage aux fools.

Radiotherapy January 11, 2012 at 12:33 am

And then fire all our 99% asses.

IceCreamEmpress January 11, 2012 at 1:15 am

As our feces stream down his windshield…

ElPinchePutoPulgo January 11, 2012 at 1:48 am

Then flip flop .

Data Exactly January 11, 2012 at 2:52 am

Sounds like an opportunity to urinate on the Romneys. We'd better take this opportunity while we have it!

user-of-owls January 10, 2012 at 10:33 pm

There are 223 people in New Hampshire who voted for Michelle Bachmann. I'm not going to look it up, but I sincerely hope there are 223 beds open in mental health care facilities in the Granite State.

not that Dewey January 10, 2012 at 11:37 pm

Some of them could sleep on the floor.

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 12:06 am

Really. It's not as if they'd know the diffz anyway.

user-of-owls January 11, 2012 at 12:09 am

Maybe they're stackable, like plastic lawn chairs or something.

not that Dewey January 11, 2012 at 12:49 am

Or maybe they could be nested one inside the other, like matryoshkas.

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 1:20 am

Big spoon, little spoon. It only gets uncomfortable when SOMEbody needs to turn around.

MilwaukeeKent January 10, 2012 at 10:44 pm

We laugh now, but just wait until Mitt lets the dogs out.

PalinzADummy January 10, 2012 at 11:26 pm

Who? Who?

Dr Ozark Hellbender January 10, 2012 at 11:32 pm

He'd have to get them off the roof of the station wagon first.

poncho_pilot January 11, 2012 at 3:43 am

i'm waiting for Santorum to weigh in. we know how he feels about man-on-dog but what about dog-on-car?

PalinzADummy January 10, 2012 at 10:49 pm

Five years, $50 million, and he gets seven whole votes more in Iowa and a whopping (not) slightly over one-third in fucking NH where his "charming little summer cottage" is located. And he's celebrating.

chascates January 10, 2012 at 10:54 pm

This is how the Mormons do things. They seem to be moderate and accommodating until they can bring in their saints and prophets and underwear and such.

PalinzADummy January 10, 2012 at 11:15 pm

I don't like organized religion, but I have many friends who are religious, and I don't have a problem with them believing whatever they want, so long as they don't, you know, try to shove it down my throat, or anything.

But the Mormons *really* give me the creeps. They desire secular power to a far greater extent than most other religious loonies, it seems, with their businesses and factories and required tithing and the forced labour of their women and children and their incredible control over nearly every aspect of their adherents' lives, down to their fucking underwear, yaknow?

Jukesgrrl January 11, 2012 at 12:41 am

I have a couple of gay friends who were raised in Mormon families and they were treated abominably. That was enough for me. But you make a good point about the secular power. It's like they're taking over the Sudetenland.

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 1:25 am

They *really* do not like teh ghey. *Rly.*

FROTHY January 10, 2012 at 10:52 pm

OK, so I want to know why NOBODY has yet brought up the fact that Willard "Mitt" Romney is a Bishop of his church? Would we let the Pope or one of his cardinals run for this job? How about a mullah? If not, why not?

FakaktaSouth January 10, 2012 at 11:34 pm

The media isn't gonna delve in to that, cause he's their "normal' guy. I promise you, the Mormon thing (much less Mitt's positions of power within) is a-coming. You know so so so much more about the R candidates than any of their basic random supporters, I promise you. These poor folks are in for a ruuuude awakening when it they finally do get the message. The types of, um, ladies around here who are best friends with Jesus, the assholes who were among the surging (my fave word these days) 20million Rove-ian anti-gays WILL NOT VOTE for a Mormon, once they KNOW WHAT IT IS. You think that they would already, just by walking around and breathing, but remember who you are talking about. It is one of the most frustrating things about talking TO one. But this type I am talking about, and they are a HUGE contigency, react with "I don't like that" – all feeling, and their feelings on Mitt's beliefs on Jesus in Missouri will be as KNEE JERK as the rest they have, and NOPE. No vote for you Mitt Romney. I KNOW these people.

ttommyunger January 10, 2012 at 11:40 pm

'Course, they won't vote for the black guy; but they will stay home, which is just as good as far as I'm concerned.

FakaktaSouth January 10, 2012 at 11:45 pm

Oh absolutely not. That is another interesting part, cause when they ARE excited to be voters, it's the most important thing ever, but staying home because you're too dumb to understand actual self interest is also valiant. They are a very self satisfied lot.

ttommyunger March 2, 2012 at 12:08 pm

It's the Cheetos and repeated doses of “Lizard Lick Towing” that does it.

Biff January 11, 2012 at 11:56 am

As long as someone, somewhere might be able to get an abortion, they'll be there to vote against it.

ttommyunger January 11, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Single-issue voters will always be with us; I'm one myself: I will vote against the Republican every fucking time.

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 12:09 am

From your lips straight to the ears of any entity with the power to Make It SO! I don't want Mittens doing his fish dance in the Oval Office. It's bad enough trying to keep track of his spinning out here without the bully pulpit.

Chet Kincaid January 11, 2012 at 12:41 am

How can you stand it?

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 12:57 am

I often wonder about that. It would drive me insane living around those people.

FakaktaSouth January 11, 2012 at 1:20 am

Mostly, like I've told ya before, I've been a blue eyed blonde white female all my life and that plays pretty well down here. Most "conservative" people who know me think I'm smart and know I read so they don't start shit with me cause they don't want to try and debate me, and that makes it pretty easy on a personal level. My (even extended) family is majority non-racist, non-ignorant, non-repub, non-asshole so I wasn't raised by fucktards, and I really do like getting to feel smart and superior, no matter how pathetically low the bar.
Seriously, I don't know man, if the hubs found a job like he has here ANYwhere else (ie supporting my dumbass and our 3 kids pretty well) we'd be out, easy peasy. But this is where our whole lives (and all our "contacts") are…but ONE DAY baby, I'm gonna run away and then I'LL get to look down on some folks for where they live, I just KNOW it!

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 1:56 am

Oh, girl. I'm glad it's not too hard for you. And home is, just that, special, even if some of those you share it with are awful people.

Jukesgrrl January 11, 2012 at 12:45 am

They also have NO IDEA what a leveraged buyout is. I've explained it to several people and when they understood they were horrified. But they just hear the words and have never tried to figure out what it means. It's just more Wall Street gobbletygook, which they think they have to accept as "the way things work."

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 12:59 am

Frankly? I think people seize up, mentally, when they hear unfamiliar words and concepts. We get used to going over and over the same little ruts in our minds, and unless we force ourselves to remain awake and alert, we turn into comfortable little bots ourselves, with our unthinking little subroutines for Getting Things Done. Most people hear "leveraged buyout" and their first thought is "complicated math/money stuff that I will never understand — skip" and they just don't think about it anymore.

I think Robert Anton Wilson called it "seeing the fnords."

Z Crudmonger January 11, 2012 at 9:43 am

Hi, lurker here, but also a former mormon, once a missionary to an exotic locale converting young ladies for the mormon Jeebus. Anyway, since Mitt is getting the attention, let me toss the particulars ya'all's way. Mormon bishops are a dime a dozen, generally selected from the local congregation to act as the ecclesiastical leader for 4-5 year shifts. It's no pay, volunteer and consists of hearing confessions, talking often during Sunday services etc. They are not trained ministers in that most have little social service skills, aside from what they learned from management meetings as most who are appointed are businessmen who have decent McMansions.

Mitt isn't a bishop any longer, it's not possible to be a bishop and run for president, because he would need to be servicing his flock to do it properly. Likely he has been one before, maybe more than once. Mormons use terms like "released from his postion." Go figure. Anyways, it's akin to being a scoutmaster, but more praying and tying heads into knots with absurd doctrines instead of rope. One doesn't need to attend higher education type seminary or have any background in marriage counseling or mental therapy to be a bishop, but often that is what they do. There's a lot more, but Mittens isn't a bishop anymore, but he is a High Priest (capitalized as the Mo's do) which is about as high as one gets in the evangelical ranks until one makes the General Authority level (about level 80 if you play Diablo ii). Essentially he has status, but not in use at this moment.

Hope that helps. Snark on.

flamingpdog January 10, 2012 at 11:35 pm

I think my daughter the feminist Mormon would tell you that bishops in the Mormon Church are more like CEOs than Popes or Cardinals.

ttommyunger January 10, 2012 at 11:41 pm

Nevertheless, the stigma will attached firmly.

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 12:11 am

I find it interesting that a feminist could *be* a Mormon. According to Mormon doctrine, the only way a woman can ever attain the pinnacle of spiritual achievement is through marriage to a man who holds a Temple Recommend (i.e., behaves exactly as his fellows think he should). Women are not entitled to salvation or grace or spiritual achievement in any shape or form, to the best of my knowledge. But if you have information to the contrary, please let me know. I'm always happy to learn something new.

Guppy January 11, 2012 at 12:51 am

This broad seems to be making a pretty good go at it.

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 1:02 am

Thank you. I tried te link to *Feminist Mormons* but it didn't work. I'll check her out, though.

sunmusing January 11, 2012 at 12:55 am

I was raised in the Re-Organized Church, and wow……just how the Elders talked about Brigham Young, and the "split" right after the jail incident. I can't remember it all because I tried really, really hard to bury those memories.

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 1:05 am

They must not have been very pleasant memories. I'm sorry.

I'll admit that although I've read a few tracts from Mormon missionaries and a couple of pop lit type books on Joseph Smith, Brigham Young, and the early years of the Mormons, I don't know too much more than that and the facts found in Under The Banner of Heaven. I suppose it's one more thing to familiarize myself with. Feel free to let me know if you think I should read anything in particular. Thanks.

flamingpdog January 11, 2012 at 1:36 am

Well, she's not at all happy about the woman part of a being a Mormon. She joined up about 11 years ago after she had been through a very traumatic teenagehood, and wanted something to hold on to. She told me recently she was most attracted by the fact that the LDS Church doesn't have ministers. She's very intelligent (no brag, just fact) and independent and doesn't like any spiritual leader telling her what to do, even though she considers herself very spiritual. Last time I talked to her, she said she was thinking about going pagan or some eastern religion, LOL.

But there are Mormon feminist web sites – she posts links to them on Facebook, prolly just to irritate the Mormon in-laws. Her husband was born and raised Mormon, but he's not the stereotypical Mormon dude, either. He's not nearly as Liberal as my daughter, but when my youngest son came outta the closet last year, he had no problem with it.

Now back to snarking!

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 1:59 am

Thanks for the info. I'll keep an eye out for those Mormon feminists. I've been to a site called The Mormon Curtain, but it would seem the people who own that sight are apostates. (Hugs the pdog)

RavenRant January 11, 2012 at 4:15 am

With all due respect, your daughter, the 'feminist Mormon', needs to understand that her official status as a female Mormon is somewhere between a head of livestock and a household appliance, valuable but unquestionably subhuman.

I was raised Catholic. I was deeply devout and religious. The instant I understood that my religion officially considered me a subhuman, I was done.

My best wishes for your daughter.

BarackMyWorld January 10, 2012 at 11:43 pm

I'm not comfortable attacking someone's religion, especially with someone who hasn't put his religious views front and center the way Santorum or Perry have.

FakaktaSouth January 11, 2012 at 12:02 am

I can respect that. I honestly believe, based on everything he has done prior, that Mitt knows his particular religion is a liability with his particular focus group, or he WOULD be using it for personal gain as well. I can't give the man who will literally say ANYthing to get elected enough credit to think it is respect for his own religion that keeps him from flogging the masses with it.

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 12:13 am

Good point. And I actually went and looked up something Mitt said about his religion recently, and it upped my respect for him a couple of points. He basically said that people think he ought to repudiate his religion or declare himself free of its influence, and that he cannot do that. Since that is what will ultimately sink him, I believe, it was pretty impressive of him to have said this.

Biff January 11, 2012 at 12:06 pm

For some reason I'm having an impossible time of linking to a George Foote quote, so I'll just spell it out:
"It will yet be the proud boast of women that they never contributed a line to the Bible."

cavs January 11, 2012 at 12:29 am

I am with you guys- it FLOORS me that not one of them is using this against him!!! And it will indeed sink him, so go Mitt! you just about gotten as far as your money can buy.

Negropolis January 11, 2012 at 3:02 am

Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think his position is anywhere close to Pope or cardinal or archbishop, and probably not even a regular ole catholic bishop. To me, the only reason to ever question high-ranking religious officials on their religion interested in political offices is if the religion in question is powerful or has sway above and beyond the national level, and then only particularly if they are running on a religious platform specific to that religion.

Romney both angers and scares me, but not because of his religion, really. If anything he angers and scares me because he seems to have no kind of core despite being a part of a rather fervent, fundamentalist religion. His ability to compartmentalize his life to the degree that he does seems almost pathological.

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 3:23 am

I don't know what differences, if any, there are between Catholic and Mormon bishops, but it's a matter of record that Willard is a Bishop of his church. My point here is that permitting a religious leader to run for this particular office makes me extremely uncomfortable. If he wins, what is to prevent an officeholder of any *other* religion from running for the position? The "no religious test for office" clause of the Constitution does not cover the possibility that the leader or an officeholder of a religious sect should seek power over a Constitutionally supposedly secular nation. Kennedy assured a concerned nation that his first allegiance would always be to country over church. Romney is making no such assurances. Can the adherent of a religion that proposes to dictate its faithful's undergarments be trusted to place the interests of the secular state over the interests of his religion?

Negropolis January 11, 2012 at 9:12 am

I can say that I tend to hold a bias against religious leaders running for high office, but did we get twisted in knots when the ordained reverends Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton ran for the presidency? Did we ask them to pledge to uphold the Constitution over their religious texts?

I'm not a Christian; I'm not much of anything, really, but that Romney is a non-lay congregant (mid-level leader maybe?) of his church/temple doesn't particularly bother me anymore than the other examples I used.

EDIT: looked up his history and he was, indeed, a ward bishop and then a stake president in the early 90's, but is no longer either. And, a stake president is, indeed, equivalent to a bishop, and a ward bishop is the equivalent of a parish priest. His father was also a stake president of the Detroit Stake during his tenure as governor, though, I may be wrong about the timing.

KeepFnThatChicken January 11, 2012 at 10:03 am

He's not a goddamned bishop!! Look at him. HE NEVER MOVES DIAGONALLY.

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 8:53 pm

Excellent point. It's always such a delight talking to you, especially when you call me on my errors. I shall have to think about this some more. But the first thought that comes to mind is that we SHOULD have been concerned when other religious leaders ran for office. Nevertheless, I'll think on it. Thank you.

Biff January 11, 2012 at 12:10 pm

A Mormon bishop is about equal to a parish priest. They use different terminology, like ward, stake, and such, some units have a president, others a bishop, all worthy male members (heh) are priests, some higher than others, and all women are cum dumpsters.

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 8:56 pm

Have I told you lately that I really do love you? You're so vile.

"Cum dumpsters." I have this overwhelming urge to rush out and get bumperstickers printed saying

All women are cum dumpsters. — Bishop Willard "Mitt" Romney

and stick 'em all over people's cars, but I think Republicans might be an extinct species in my town. DAMN it.

Biff January 11, 2012 at 10:46 pm

I live in a sea of red, with a fringe of Paultards. Count yourself as one of the lucky ones.
And don't forget this quote from George W. Foote:

It will yet be the proud boast of women that they never contributed a line to the Bible.

It can also apply to the Book of Mormon.

KeepFnThatChicken January 11, 2012 at 10:15 am

I was reading Fakaka's post, and I believe that 2012 will be a great year for Republicans to finally do an objective introspection of their belief systems, now that they must contend with two non-Christian small-government, one-percenter candidates that must compete against the incumbent atheist muslin. They may just have to shake off their non-sensical attachment to their belief systems for the first time. This could very well be the new Enlightenment!

HAHAHAHAHA I KID THERE'LL BE REVIVALS AND SHOOTOUTS AT THE RNC IN TAMPA

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 8:58 pm

I told everybody LAST year to get into popcorn futures, but did y'all listen?

This is going to be the wildest fucking RNC convention and election EVAH.

blogmomme January 10, 2012 at 10:54 pm

I've been to London: He missioned in France – I see Mormon underpants!

BarackMyWorld January 10, 2012 at 11:03 pm

Live edition of "Hardball," as Chris Matthews slowly inches closer to having an on-air meltdown.

SorosBot January 10, 2012 at 11:17 pm

Meanwhile, Nigeria is apparently on the brink of civil war, and I only know about it because I'm watching news made for the foreigns. Man, I love our jingoistic American news media, where only things that impact America are important.

I mean, it's not like it's the largest and most important country on its continent or anything.

Negropolis January 10, 2012 at 11:31 pm

Oh, trust me, when the American media finds out that the fighting is split mostly among religious lines (Christian vs. Muslim), we'll hear about nothing else but Nigeria.

SorosBot January 10, 2012 at 11:58 pm

Nigeria produces a lot of oil; so I think we will eventually hear about it. But only because of the oil interests.

MissTaken January 10, 2012 at 11:34 pm

Now that I have no cable or satellite, I watch loads of Al Jazeera. It's so much more informative than anything us Americans put out.

SorosBot January 11, 2012 at 12:11 am

Fuck, I've learned a lot more about what's going on in the world tonight by watching news made by British expatriots living in France than I ever could have watching American news made for Americans.

KeepFnThatChicken January 11, 2012 at 10:21 am

I have been trying to talk my wife into watching TV on the web, and telling Dish network to F.O. But she's intransigent, so we're still spending money on that turd product.

What else do you "watch" online other than the Turrist Channel? I stream MSNBC for news/opine and Netflix for entertainment.

MissTaken January 11, 2012 at 12:13 pm

I got Apple TV and stream Netflix into it. Otherwise I'll mirror my ipad to the apple tv with airplay and can watch whatever is online. Last night when I heard enough GOP bullshit I watched Downton Abbey through the PBS app.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 10, 2012 at 11:46 pm

To be fair, Africa is a pretty confusing country to most Americans.

imissopus January 11, 2012 at 12:35 am

And easy to forget about, all tucked away down there.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 11, 2012 at 12:40 am

This looks like a job for Cartographers for Social Equality!

Guppy January 11, 2012 at 12:59 am
flamingpdog January 11, 2012 at 1:42 am

And it used to fit in so nicely with South America. Damn you, mid-oceanic spreading ridge!!!

imissopus January 11, 2012 at 3:02 am

Hey hey, that sounds sciency. Don't you know that God Himself separated the land mass into so white European Christians would have two continents full of dark-hued savages to convert? It was a test, I tells ya.

Jukesgrrl January 11, 2012 at 12:47 am

But whose side is Kim Karcrashian on?

real_dc_native January 10, 2012 at 11:25 pm

No matter who 'won' this we lose. There isn't a single Repugnantlican candidate that doesn't make me want to puke.

ttommyunger January 10, 2012 at 11:42 pm

But Barry wins, which is nice (I still hope).

ttommyunger January 10, 2012 at 11:44 pm

This is the most amusing set of primaries in my 50 years of political awareness. Amusing in a cynical freak show sort of way, I mean.

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 12:15 am

It's wonderfully inspiring that you find such cynical and snarky enjoyment in this, my friend.

flamingpdog January 11, 2012 at 1:47 am

Oh everybody likes a multi-car pile-up on the freeway. Even better when all the cars are clown cars.

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 2:22 am

You're *so* ill, pdog. And I mean that in the *nicest* way.

ttommyunger January 11, 2012 at 6:32 am

Is there any other kind of enjoyment?

owhatever January 10, 2012 at 11:46 pm

Dial back your IQs, freeple, we'uns agoin' down yonder to South Carolina. That was where the John McCain has a black child whisper campaign set the course of the Republican Party for the next half-century.

fuflans January 10, 2012 at 11:56 pm

and it's just delicious.

BarackMyWorld January 11, 2012 at 12:05 am

Maniacal laugh. Maniacal laugh.

Jukesgrrl January 11, 2012 at 12:49 am

I can't wait to hear from Aunt Lindsey and the YOU LIE guy.

flamingpdog January 11, 2012 at 1:50 am

A BIG improvement over the MY LAI guy.

Guppy January 11, 2012 at 10:30 am

Yeah, you had to actually go to Vietnam to have been involved in that.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 11, 2012 at 12:51 am

And I'll go no more a-Rove-in'

Barb January 10, 2012 at 11:53 pm

Santorum has announced that he's going to South Carolina. Looks like someone is trying to sell some sweater vests before he oozes out in shame.

flamingpdog January 11, 2012 at 1:52 am

Sweater vests in South Carolina? I know some dolphins in Florida he could sell some bicycles to.

BarackMyWorld January 11, 2012 at 12:01 am

Wait…is Newt still speaking? Oh, wait, it's just a bizarrely edited replay.

BarackMyWorld January 11, 2012 at 12:02 am

I still love the part where he attacks the press for not coming up with his energy policy on their own because they're from "Washington."

BarackMyWorld January 11, 2012 at 12:04 am

WHY IS THIS ON CURRENT TV AND MSNBC AT THE SAME TIME?!?! Ugh.

subsum January 11, 2012 at 12:04 am

I'm so happy Newt is fucked. So happy…

Jukesgrrl January 11, 2012 at 12:51 am

But I'm kind of looking forward to his casino buddy spending $5 million on ads in South Carolina. It might keep a couple of citizens from having to do "volunteer" work.

KeepFnThatChicken January 11, 2012 at 10:04 am

On the lighter side, he can now seek a new wife.

mourningnmerica January 11, 2012 at 12:37 am

I was encouraged by Governor Perry's strong showing.

Christ, if Dahmer had been on the ballot, more than 0.7% of the voters would have mistaken his name for Dannon, and more people than that would have voted for him, thinking he was yogurt.

ShaveTheWhales January 11, 2012 at 1:26 am

It looks like the Republican primaries, of all things, are going to exacerbate the "inherent hostility" between the wings of the Wonkette Party. See the hostility inherent in the system!!!

Kidding aside, it does seem to me that the opinions regarding President Obama, of those Wonketeers who express opinions on the subject, fall broadly into two camps:

(1) He's the best Democratic President since FDR, it's remarkable that he's accomplished as much as he has in the face of a tanked economy and a rabid Republican opposition, and we should be restrained about criticizing him.

(2) He's essentially a centrist (corporatist) Democrat (like, e.g., the Clintons), he's given up prematurely on many opportunities because he's confrontation-averse, and criticism is supposed to be helpful.

It should be noted that most of the folks who tend towards option (2) — including me — still feel that the President is a far better choice than any of the participants in the current Republican clown show. As I’ve written a number of times, I voted for President Obama, and I continue to be completely happy that I did so.

I very much enjoy this blog, and the comments, and the snark. It bothers me to see a thread go off into a pissing contest among established commenters, especially since they probably have a lot in common. So here’s a couple of words of unsolicited advice.

/* Ducks and covers head */

To the folks who lean towards (1) – (Obama is fabulous). The actual accomplishments have been limited. The ACA was a step forward, but its ultimate passage was due more to Pelosi than to Obama. Its relatively crappy shape was due to the pre-Congressional deals that the Administration made. The DADT repeal was overdue, anyhow. The Prez could have made a whole lot more recess appointments; he allowed the senior administration to be leaderless in many areas for years. His approach to reining in the financial sector has been – I’m sorry – wimpy.

To the folks who lean towards (2) – (Obama is a Clinton or worse). He encountered a level of obstruction that I certainly didn’t expect. The fact that he was blah seemed to inflame the opposition beyond anything in my memory (which goes back to the early 60s. An aside: I never expected to live to see a non-white President. I did think I had a 75% chance of seeing a female Prez, but a minority? – fuck me). The fact that he has managed to accomplish anything at all is actually quite remarkable. His SCOTUS nominees, while pretty middle-of-the-road, were VASTLY better than what we would have gotten from a Refucklican Prez.

And, finally, who else have we got? (This is actually a bit of a worry for me, as in who the hell is gonna run against Jeb in 2016?). I’m a medium-flaming liberal. If you collected everybody to the left of me, I think you’d get 25-30% of the total USMerkin electorate. But a third of us would be in New York and California, and our Electoral College totals would be unimpressive. I do believe that the political balance in the US is moving in the left direction, but it’s a slow process. In the interim, we have to support the best available choice. FWIW, I prefer “best available” to “lesser evil”, because it suggests that we are inching forward. Old as I am, I like to think my kids will see some progress.

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 2:08 am

Bravo! Well said, indeed.

As for "Who's gonna run against Jeb," I think Warren, if she gets in, would be an obvious contender. Feingold might make a good candidate, but he doesn't seem very enthusiastic about that type of political role any more. It's time for more young people, but with experience. All the older possible candidates are getting way too old to run again.

RavenRant January 11, 2012 at 3:02 am

Obama did have unprecedented obstruction in the House and Senate. That is a fact.

But many commenters here choose to ignore the fact that the president has absolute control of the executive branch, one of the three major branches of government. This includes the DOJ. It also includes the White House staff and advisors he chooses.

The Obama administration has mounted an unprecedented attack on whistleblowers in every area of the military, civilian government, and industry. Meanwhile, there has not been a single indictment or even a sorry pretense of an investigation of any of the major players in the big banks or mortgage brokers for egregious securities fraud, mortgage fraud, predatory lending, forgery and perjury. (See robo-signing.)

Nor has there been a single indictment or even a serious investigation of the ratings agencies that gave AAA ratings to securities composed entirely of subprime liar's loans. These securities were used to loot and destroy municipal funds and pension funds all over the country.

In addition, not only have there been no prosecutions for war crimes or torture, which might have been politically treacherous, there has not been a single prosecution for war profiteering or defense contracting fraud, which would have been enormously popular. These companies (Dyncorp, Triple Canopy, Blackwater, KBR, etc.), are ripping off taxpayers while actively harming our troops and our national security objectives.

I think everyone here agrees that any and every Republican would be vastly worse than our current president. But I'm not willing to be branded a traitor for refusing to buy into some fairly cheap, amateurish and transparent PR.

BTW, the stereotypically liberal folks that got the most accommodation out of this administration were LGBT activists, and they got that response because they were relentlessly aggressive in pursuit of their goals, and they did not hesitate to confront and even embarrass the president to achieve those goals.

Helpful Hint: You can support Obama's reelection without attacking and alienating people who would prefer a less criminal-corporatist, neo-feudal, national security police state status quo.

Sharkey January 11, 2012 at 12:38 pm

Totally with you.

Let's also not forget what Obama allowed to happen to protesters this year.

MilwaukeeKent January 11, 2012 at 3:14 am

A very good crisis President is what he is.
How much is his being a DLC centrist/Clintonite/Third Way corporatist a result of GOP headwinds and how much of it is in his own nature, that's a question for a second term. A GOP victory in November would be a good measure of our mean streak. We got our choice of "yuck".

Chet Kincaid January 11, 2012 at 9:38 am

I don't participate in the pissing contests anymore for the most part, but your analysis doesn't include a handful of people who are NOT established commenters, but semi-anonymous trolls who only come out when there's an opportunity to pile on the President and put people off voting entirely. I am thrilled that they are getting their asses hammered, and that I don't have to do it.

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 12:47 pm

I wasn't going to say nothin' about that till emotions had died down a bit. It's nice that some folks notice their trolling and pin their ears back periodically. But yeah, it must be tiring being nearly the sole troll-pinner for some while.

hagajim January 11, 2012 at 11:17 am

the President is a far better choice than any of the participants in the current Republican clown show

He is certainly a better choice because these people are fucking insane. However, I agree with you that Barry has prolly done as good a job as possible given the crap economy he was handed and now the idiots who think being a Congressman means doing nothing at all.

RavenRant January 11, 2012 at 2:01 am

It won't. IOKIYAR.

mourningnmerica January 11, 2012 at 3:46 am

Is anyone else here worried that Newt will strap a bomb to his body and crash the next Romney event?

glamourdammerung January 11, 2012 at 8:46 am

Is anyone else here worried that Newt will strap a bomb to his body and crash the next Romney event?

Not really. But I do think checking for bombs under the Paultards tricorns might be prudent.

ElPinchePutoPulgo January 11, 2012 at 8:47 am

Then the media finds him naked and crying in the middle of the debris and body parts saying "he made me do it" over and over.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 11, 2012 at 9:35 am

I think the verb you were looking for was "hoping"…

Guppy January 11, 2012 at 10:37 am

As if. He may pretend he's going to do it, but in reality he'll just end up crying into a 5 lb bag of M&M's.

DemonicRage January 11, 2012 at 7:21 am

Obama has succeeded in his dastardly plan to transform the USA into a European-style welfare state, at least in New York. You can get croissants everywhere you go, even bodegas, with morning coffee. How Euro is that?

Chet Kincaid January 11, 2012 at 9:30 am

Ha! Have you seen what he's done to the Walgreens flagship store in Chicago?! Sushi, $450 wine and an eyebrow bar!!
http://www.chicagotribune.com/business/ct-biz-011

Barrelhse January 11, 2012 at 9:14 am
Negropolis January 11, 2012 at 9:37 am

I will say, however, we may see an uptick in abstinence across the board if this sweater-vested Puritan with breeding hips keeps incessantly prattling on about it.

This is why I love Lizz Winstead. I mean, "sweater-vested Puritan with breeding hips"? Could that be a more perfect description of that giant man-child?

And Rick Perry, the poor dear.

This Dollar Store version of George Bush…

Come on; this is Grade A snark.

On to Ron Paul, the libertarian in the race who believes that the government should totally get out of people's lives – as long as their lives don't involve sex. Then, the government should be all up in that shit.

"All up in that shit." She's like a semi-automatic rifle of snark.

Biff January 11, 2012 at 12:43 pm

The Daily Show was her brainchild, after all…

Negropolis January 11, 2012 at 11:18 pm

Yep. I see her every once in awhile on Ed or Rachel, and she always kills it.

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 12:44 pm

I laughed so hard I almost pissed myself reading that. God, she's funny.

jus_wonderin January 11, 2012 at 9:24 am

WTF is "the bitter politics of envy"???

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 11, 2012 at 9:27 am

Noticing that for the last 30 years the top 5% have made all the tax laws and business regulations. It's Freedom when they make the rules to benefit themselves, and Class Warfare to mention it, much less criticize it.

Stop whining and push your masters cart!

SorosBot January 11, 2012 at 9:27 am

OK, I am pleasantly surprised to not be hung over this morning. Also I hate people. On my way to work this morning, at a light I passed by a pair of asshole douchebags in a van who started just cold sexually harassing a random woman on a bike beside them, screaming out comments about her ass and how they want to fuck her. What the fucking fuck is wrong with people that they think that kind of shit is OK?

MissTaken January 11, 2012 at 9:30 am

You're right, you don't sound hungover at all!

SorosBot January 11, 2012 at 10:02 am

Though I think our Wonkette editors are hungover with the lack of updates so far.

jus_wonderin January 11, 2012 at 9:41 am

I switched to half-caf this morning. So, I think I am hungover. But, I feel your frustration. Sometimes my commute makes me dream of using my SUV as a weapon.

SorosBot January 11, 2012 at 10:00 am

All I could do was flip the assholes off; that didn't help too much. But it was cathartic.

Negropolis January 11, 2012 at 10:06 am

Reminds me of the time when I was probably about 16 or 17 when a van with a group of guys crossed three lanes just so they could roll up beside me while I was on my bike and yell "nigger!" before speeding off. lol I was so scared I didn't even have time to be angry. I thought they were going to jump out the side and jump me. So, yeah, dudes in vans can be dicks.

natoslug January 11, 2012 at 1:06 pm

You are a bitter disappointment, Negropolis. Having read many comments on other sites, I understand that as a blah teen, you must have been armed with at least one 9mm, if not an AK-47, and by "on my bike" you meant you were riding shotgun in a pimped-out Escalade with at least four other gang members. Why you didn't put a cap in their van-riding asses, yo and dog and all that, I cannot fathom. A bitter, bitter disappointment.

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Poor N. I'll bet you're a skinny type, too. Because you know, these fucking fucks wouldn' dare yell that at some black man in an SUV who looks like he might be armed to the teeth. In fact, I'll bet these assholes openly lick the boots of any black athlete they come across, so.

I've had people in trucks and vans comment on my PDA with my partner, as if it's any of their fucking business. One of them actually shot at me, once. Missed, obvs, but hell, middle of the afternoon, busy street, big city. Pretty damn nervy.

KeepFnThatChicken January 11, 2012 at 9:49 am

The curley-haired kid over Mitt's left shoulder looks adopted. Or resembles the spawn of Donny Osmond.

(Last night, I said something like this on Facebook, and one of my friends said that "the kids are off-limits." Yet I keep thinking, "Let's get DNA proof on the kid in question, because I could be safe on a technicality.")

Negropolis January 11, 2012 at 9:59 am

Ha! He doesn't have a single "kid" under the age of 30, I believe. These aren't little kids. Hell, all but one of the Romney sons have families of their own. The nerve of the use of "the kids are off-limit" bullshit, as if the Romney boys aren't grown-ass men.

Guppy January 11, 2012 at 10:42 am

Since it's been well over a century since we've had an unwed president, I'd say that the kids aren't just fair game but a requirement for the job.

Barrelhse January 11, 2012 at 1:48 pm

If the kids are going to be off-limits it might be better if they stopped putting themselves in the public eye by actively campaigning. If we have to listen to their shit they'll have to deal with ours. (rich little namby-pamby pussies- heh)

ttommyunger January 11, 2012 at 10:08 am

And our National Intellect.

James Michael Curley January 11, 2012 at 10:49 am

480 comments in an hour and a half! Something happening in politics this year?

SorosBot January 11, 2012 at 10:54 am

Pst; note the little PM at the top. But I am impressed that we've got 490 comments on only two pages; it's almost all replies.

James Michael Curley January 11, 2012 at 11:35 am

Yes, I noticed but I thought it was a notation that Romney’s speech was affected by premenstrual stress.

BZ1 January 11, 2012 at 11:51 am

Didn't the Beatles say: "Third place is a ticket to Ryde?"

natoslug January 11, 2012 at 12:56 pm

Oh sure, bring it all back to Reagan.

DahBoner January 11, 2012 at 3:12 pm

The Republican party sure is trying hard to court hispanics.

Last time, they had a guy born in Panama and a half-breed Alaskan cunt.

Cmon! Is Alaska really part of U.S. America???

This time, they like a Mexican.

HEY LOOK EVERYBODY! WE GOT BEANERS, TOO….

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 9:53 pm

I was going to say, I wonder why they haven't *already* put Mittens out on the kerb, and then I remembered what the size of their tithe from the Romney billions would amount to.

natoslug January 11, 2012 at 10:19 pm

They may not be quite as obvious about their pay to pray action as the Scientologists, but yeah, if you're rich enough, or a member of the right family, you have a different set of rules in the LDS church. And considering how many new converts fail to stick around to pay the bills, they really don't want to lose the wealthy base. Funny how what was once a rather socialist organization based on getting Joseph laid and making sure members didn't starve has turned into the current monstrosity. Maybe that's just the booze talking.

MittsHairHelmet January 10, 2012 at 10:01 pm

Remember Quinton McCracken?

Negropolis January 10, 2012 at 10:25 pm

Libel meme libel!

PalinzADummy January 10, 2012 at 11:27 pm

LABEL LIBEL~!

Barb January 10, 2012 at 10:27 pm

If Newt were leading he would ask everyone to drop out of the race for the "sake of the party" Maybe someone should tell him that the GOP is in the hospital with cancer and then he will dump the campaign.

PalinzADummy January 10, 2012 at 11:32 pm

Yeah, I'm beginning to think it's personal between those two.

Donner, Party of 1 January 10, 2012 at 10:29 pm

Wait til he finds out the Republican party is a hundred and fifty years old.

Barb January 10, 2012 at 10:35 pm

And I upfisted you, lol.

mourningnmerica January 10, 2012 at 10:56 pm

I'm not a Paultard, dimwit. so suck my fucking dick. And speaking of sucking dick, how is Obama's tasting these days. Try, please try, using your brain.

user-of-owls January 10, 2012 at 10:56 pm

Sounds more like the boy is pining for a candidate that's a Dalai Lama/Nelson Mandela/Sparkly Peace Unicorn smoothie.

But maybe I'm just being willful.

mourningnmerica January 10, 2012 at 10:58 pm

No. He's fucking nuts. I meant from without when I said without. Our system, as you see it now, is probably not going to last the year. Seriously, chaos is coming to a venue near you.

Limeylizzie January 10, 2012 at 11:04 pm

Be wilful, MrLimeyLizzie always says that about me, and also about our elderly cat, Fiona.

PalinzADummy January 10, 2012 at 11:10 pm

I *do* not understand what people expect POTUS to do! In the face of a situation like this where the Repiglicunts have tied troop funding to the NDAA, the bill, or at least significant portions of it having to do with funding our troops, HAS to pass~! And if you can't get X+1 people to support detaching the desireable provisions, then WTH is the President supposed to do? If he vetoes it, they will override his veto and get what they want ANYWAY, PLUS all the damaging provisions. He has done the only sensible thing he could. Honestly.

flamingpdog January 10, 2012 at 11:05 pm

But shestarted it !!!

And why is everybody so CRABBY tonight???

mourningnmerica January 11, 2012 at 12:06 am

Barb, As I indicated, I consider Lizzie a friend of mine as well. I have for a long time. Is this OK with you?

PalinzADummy January 10, 2012 at 11:07 pm

Not me, baby, I'm lovin on ALLA youse! Besides, I got my happy herb goin' here.

user-of-owls January 10, 2012 at 11:11 pm

New Hampshire, duh! You ever been around those people? The crabby oozes out of their pores. It's contagious, man.

user-of-owls January 10, 2012 at 11:08 pm

I will willful with you if you will willful with me.

Barb January 10, 2012 at 11:08 pm

Step away from the ledge, please.

Limeylizzie January 10, 2012 at 11:12 pm

I'd be contented to live anywhere, what would I care, as long as you were there.Skies may not always be blue, but one thing's as clear as can be,I know that I could be willful with you, my darling, if you could be willful with me.

Barb January 10, 2012 at 11:12 pm

loving you back!

Negropolis January 10, 2012 at 11:13 pm

I don't agree with that. I think the best argument that could be made is that both of them are more in th latter camp than the former. I'm not of the mind that Obama is worse than Clinton. That is a bullshit PUMA/pony-wanting meme. I don't, however, buy the argument that Clinton was so much more conservative than Obama.

That said, I think even worse in general is this kind of comparison of the two, particularly when one considers the time in which each served the distance of time between when they served. There is plenty of shit Bill would have liked to have done that he couldn't given where the US was, socially. This often seems to be construed to make him look like some kind of closet social conservative, and I don't believe that for a minute.

user-of-owls January 10, 2012 at 11:14 pm

**whirrrr**

Gainsbourg69 January 10, 2012 at 11:19 pm

It's tasting awesome compared to the shit coming from the right, you smarmy prick.

"If this elections a bidding war for those who can promise the most benefits, then I'm not your president. You already have that president.

- Mitt Romney."

Do you want this fucker running the country, you wild eyed idealist?

Negropolis January 10, 2012 at 11:19 pm

No, you're not a Paultard, you're just a regular troll. And, quite frankly, you need to go. Your schtick is beyond its expiration date. When you use a night about Republicans to continually try to inject how much the president sucks, you're trolling.

So, yeah, you can fuck off regardless of your candidate of choice. I honestly don't care whether you're a Paultard of an Obama fanboy; what you are more than anything else is a simple, common troll, now.

I don't know what the fuck you've been smoking, but trust me, I'll pass.

ShaveTheWhales January 10, 2012 at 11:19 pm

You guys.

BarackMyWorld January 10, 2012 at 11:28 pm

Not how they personally felt about things, but just based on their records (which maybe not be fair because I'm comparing 3 years to 8) , it just seems to me like Obama may sacrifice his big goals to accomplish his smaller goals, but most of the time Clinton fully embraced the other team's goals.

Ask me again in 2017.

PalinzADummy January 10, 2012 at 11:32 pm

ZOMG, that is priceless, Donner!

user-of-owls January 10, 2012 at 11:38 pm

Speak up. I can't see you.

PalinzADummy January 10, 2012 at 11:47 pm

Don't they just need to get a nest, or somethin'?

PalinzADummy January 10, 2012 at 11:45 pm

(hugs the Barb most comfortably)

PalinzADummy January 10, 2012 at 11:49 pm

Dammit, Vermin, you're supposed to be pushing your OWN damn candidacy.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 10, 2012 at 11:59 pm

Only the most worthy will be eaten first!

Ia! Ia! Santorum fhtagn!

Dudleydidwrong January 10, 2012 at 11:51 pm

And your alternative is…? There is no deus ex machina going to pulley down from the ceiling to rescue this lint trap. The reality is an election will be held in November and it'll be Barry vs one (or more) of these hemorrhoid Republicans. The phone to Ghostbusters is broken, so who'ya gonna call?

Gainsbourg69 January 11, 2012 at 12:24 am

Dude, go get fucked.

PalinzADummy January 10, 2012 at 11:54 pm

Damned if I know. According to a certain segment of the populace, our President should be able to leap tall buildings at a single bound while simultaneously reciting the Sh'ma backwards and spinning 16 china plates on separate poles on hands, feet, and nose.

not that Dewey January 10, 2012 at 11:57 pm

To stop them from procreating?

user-of-owls January 11, 2012 at 12:00 am

When I was 3, they killed JFK, and chaos was coming soon.

When I was 8, they killed Martin and Bobby, and chaos was coming soon.

When I was 13, Watergate exploded, and chaos was coming soon.

When I was 19, I sat in (or pushed) a car for six hours to get gas, there were revolutions in Nicaragua, Iran and Rhodesia, and chaos was coming soon.

When I was 20, I was forced to register with Selective Service, Poland was in crisis, we boycotted the Moscow Olympics over the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan and Reagan was elected, and I was fully convinced that chaos was coming soon.

Etc., etc, etc. So enjoy your moment, kid, because surely this time, chaos is coming soon.

mourningnmerica January 11, 2012 at 12:00 am

I appreciate your honest response, without feeling like you have to attack me personally.

Here is what I think he should have done. I would value your reply to know it you agree or not.

He should veto it. Then let them override it if they could get the votes. Because it's the right thing to do. Because due process is the most basic right we have. Because it would have even made sense to do so, politically.

The consensus her seems to be that the veto would be overridden. I don't think it would have been. Dems would have been reluctant to cut him off at the knees. When Presidents veto a bill, sometimes their party will coalesce around them, circle the wagons, if you will. Especially at a time of so much bad blood. I may be wrong, it may have passed anyway.

But even if his veto were to be overridden, what is the problem? Why do something he considers wrong? He would have been saying that he would not acquiesce to something he considered morally reprehensible. Why not do it?

And this is not to mention that this would have been a winning issue for him. Do you think if they were fighting this issue out in front of the American public, the public would have been in favor of indefinite imprisonment of Americans without due process? He could have demanded they take that part out, and, very possibly, they would have had to.

Finally, where is our defense of freedom? Why is everyone laying down? Why do we expect so little? If it comes to supporting Obama doing something wrong, or supporting a basic American freedom, why not support freedom?

SorosBot January 11, 2012 at 12:06 am
Barb January 11, 2012 at 12:12 am

This post is the most meaningful, thoughtful and refreshingly honest thing I've read in a long time, thank you.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 11, 2012 at 12:18 am

"I thought scientists were going to find out exactly how everything worked, and then make it work better. I fully expected that by the time I was twenty-one, some scientist, maybe my brother, would have taken a color photograph of God Almighty — and sold it to Popular Mechanics magazine. Scientific truth was going to make us so happy and comfortable! What actually happened when I was twenty-one was that we dropped scientific truth on Hiroshima.”

–Kurt Vonnegut, "Address to Bennington College," 1970

mourningnmerica January 11, 2012 at 12:29 am

OK. I only ask that you remember this exchange as we pass through 2012. If I'm wrong, you'll be hearing my apology come the end of the year. If 2012 goes as I expect (and not because of the Mayan calender, or any of the other related nonsense) you'll be hearing from me as well.

Specifically, and I know you are not asking, but I expect a systemic financial collapse this year. Banks failing in large number, big time financial dislocation around the world Hey, I've been wrong before. Any thoughts?

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 12:51 am

I think around the 400th time someone shouts "The sky is falling!" one gets a tad blase in one's response, no?

Jukesgrrl January 11, 2012 at 12:10 am

And he better have clothes on everyone approves of. No Mom jeans, no dashikis, no ties from Disneyland.

user-of-owls January 11, 2012 at 12:11 am

So that's when he gets his hair done. Man, the Founders were friggin' amazing.

flamingpdog January 11, 2012 at 1:16 am

Sunday afternoon's out for me – my schedule is always full that day.

PocketsTheClown January 11, 2012 at 12:13 am

The soundbite is Iran gets nuke so Obama pusses out and vetoes. If the bill doesn't get an override, it looks bad for anyone in an election fight.

So I guess I agree. He's not chickenshit, he's like megasuper chickenshit, afraid of the soundbite on the off-chance it will cause loss of Senate.

Can we talk about some Palin tits again now?

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 12:49 am

I try never to mount ad hominem attacks. I disagree with your analysis. You're not offering any facts here, just guesses. "What is the problem," you ask, cavalierly. Don't you *know*? The problem is that if the bill passes into law over his veto, there is little to nothing that he can do to prevent it from being carried out exactly as the Republicans have written it. He has already placed his objection to certain provisions of this bill on the record. In addition, he has issued a signing statement that clearly sets forth how his Administrative agencies are to enact the regulations that will make the provisions of the bill law. In his signing statement he limits how the bill may be enforced.

What you think, or I think, or what we might guess about how things will turn out are really not as important as the question of what the correct response to this bill would be. Obama is a pragmatist, not a woolly-headed visionary, and it is one of the things I like best about him. I don't need my President to play games of "If this happens, then." I need him to figure out what works best and to set that in motion as far as possible.

Your ultimate question is bogus, I'm sorry. It's not a question of "supporting freedom" vs. "supporting Obama." Right now, we are in the process of electing a President. We need one to ensure that everything runs as it is supposed to. Someone has to ensure that the troops get paid and Social Security checks go out to old people and Republicans don't pull everything down around our ears. The choices don't look great on the Republican side. On the Democratic side, we have a guy with whom a lot of us have problems. We're not all happy with him, and some of us are downright unhappy. But we don't *have* anyone else. And rather than imitate the Republicans in their desperate quest for a NotMittRomney, it makes more sense to *me* to take the guy we've got. He has flaws, but overall, he's highly intelligent, very competent, has empathy, and is trying to fix things. The other guys are ALL lying. About pretty much everything. So to me, the choice is pretty clear. If I *fail* to vote for the guy who *can* do the job, I'll be stuck with one of the idiots who can't. Abstract concepts like "freedom" sound wonderful, but exactly what does freedom mean to you? To me, it means that women in their reproductive years will not be facing brutal assaults on their reproductive health; infants and mothers will continue to receive assistance from the Federal government to ensure that mothers and their children are healthy; Millions of people who have not had access to health care will have it and such care will be increased and expanded in the coming years to provide everyone with good preventive care and to reduce our chances of becoming a reservoir for rapidly mutating viral pandemics that are changing their boundaries thanks to global warming; Education will continue to be funded; there will be no war with Iran; and we will get a SC justice who is NOT a troglodyte, for a change. THOSE things guarantee the freedoms I hold dear. The abstract concept of freedom that involves taking down the only candidate who seems to want to defend those very freedoms — that I cannot understand or countenance.

You're welcome to explain further if you wish, but I am not yet convinced of the validity of the points you have raised.

glamourdammerung January 11, 2012 at 3:33 am

Ok, so Obama vetoes it, then the troops stop getting paychecks because the GOP played games long enough to make this a last minute issue (again).

Now what?

Jukesgrrl January 11, 2012 at 12:20 am

I get the feeling mourningamerica met someone in Zuccotti Park who floats his boat. Or maybe he sees the purity of Alvin Greene.

mourningnmerica January 11, 2012 at 12:23 am

There are 6 titties to talk about if Huntsman wins. Go Huntsman !!!

PocketsTheClown January 11, 2012 at 12:24 am

HAHAHAHA that's funny. Why so butthurt Dr. Disappointed? The revolution already happened probably on Facebook or something.

Note: I'm talking about your sadclown about Obama, not any personal shit… er

Barb January 11, 2012 at 1:21 am

Mourningnamerica, please, you don't have to seek my approval for anything. I could go off on a blistering rant about WHATEVER, especially your calling me "Babs" in a previous post, trying to get a response out of me.
I'm going to awaken in the morning and be thankful that my daughters are highly educated women, both holding multiple degrees, both nurses, both married to wonderful attorneys, carrying my grandsons, both due on the same day. I'm going to pack a lunch for my Beef-a-roni husband, Jeffery, eat M&M's for breakfast, feed my outdoor wildlife, eat some more M&M's, probably notice a stray gray hair in my bangs and laugh about it. I'll come to Wonkette and bask in the beauty of the amusing people that live all around me. What will you be doing?

Seriously, no need to reply. Just as if you and I were to meet in real life, I won't look.
Love,
Babs

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 12:29 am

'Course, the fact that no two of them approve or disapprove of the exact same thing hasn't helped overmuch.

mourningnmerica January 11, 2012 at 12:31 am

Sorry if anything I said hurt you.

not that Dewey January 11, 2012 at 12:44 am

About that brother:

His summer expeditions to the mountains of New Mexico for the study of thunderclouds with his colleagues and friends at New Mexico Tech in Socorro, were times of productive delight and inspiration.

There are rows upon rows of notebooks on shelves in our lab that say "Vonnegut, 1962" or some such. I was once shushed for claiming that cloud seeding was dubious, at best, because we could never know whether it would have rained anyway. BLASPHEMY AGAINST THE GREAT BERNARD VONNEGUT

flamingpdog January 11, 2012 at 12:48 am

I'll have the Chicken, please!

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 12:54 am

Don't start no trouble, Dok. You KNOW if Cthulhu eats santorum first, he's never gonna get around to the rest of us.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 11, 2012 at 1:07 am

It certainly would have helped his reputation if he'd photographed God Almighty, to be sure.

Kid Zoom and I are watching Ken Burns' The Civil War, and I see that Kurt V is in the voiceover credits! Trying to find details; no luck so far, apart from a very general Wikipedia mention that KV reads an account of "a young soldier reflecting on a visit with a prostitute," which sounds about right.

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 1:15 am

Wow. May I touch the hand that might have touched the notebooks that touched the hand that might have touched the hand of the late, great Kurt Vonnegut?

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 1:08 am

Excellent! That MUST be it.

Shit, too late.

IceCreamEmpress January 11, 2012 at 1:12 am

You're wrong this time, too.

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 1:18 am

NO! Lawns waste water. We NEEDZ MOAR xeriscaping. You Can Not Haz, Dood.

not that Dewey January 11, 2012 at 1:27 am

I just love watching those old Alpo commercials, but I can't find them on youtube.

Can't we all just get a Lorne?

Gainsbourg69 January 11, 2012 at 1:31 am

I want a wife like you. You had me at M&Ms for breakfast.

flamingpdog January 11, 2012 at 11:01 pm

Oh, jeeze, Barb, Palinz made LL hot this morning and now you're making me hot tonight. Is this Hormone Week at the Wonkette??

Guppy January 11, 2012 at 1:33 am

Yeah, her coding seems to suck, but I know of her from her frequent submissions at Religion Dispatches

Barb January 11, 2012 at 1:33 am

And candy corn for lunch!

RavenRant January 11, 2012 at 1:34 am

A year from now, that may be the only form of contraception still available.

Gainsbourg69 January 11, 2012 at 1:41 am

Don't ruin my fantasy. In my mind you run a small, organic farm.

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 1:52 am

I worry about your health, Missy.

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 1:53 am

Greene. Gawd, it's been decades.

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Oh gawd you did NOT change your av to Feral Rabid Stoat Romney.

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 1:57 am

I bookmarked her columns, to read at leisure. Surprisingly, they seem more political than religious?

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 2:00 am

I'm doing all I can to make sure Hopey stays in office and protects women's rights.

Guppy January 11, 2012 at 2:15 am

To quoth the About page:

"Religion Dispatches is a daily online magazine that publishes a mix of expert opinion, in-depth reporting, and provocative updates from the intersection of religion, politics and culture."

Negropolis January 11, 2012 at 2:30 am

What are these Republicans proposals that Clinton "fully embraced"? I hear about this all the time, but from what I can remember, particularly on a major one liberals try to beat him over the head with, the guy vetoed welfare reform twice before he finally broke. And something like DADT was actually an improvement over the previous policy, and it's amazing he was able to even get that passed back then.

I simply don't see the daylight between the two that some of my fellow liberals, see. Obama's always talked a good game, but when the rubber has met the road, he has not passed anything I don't think Clinton wouldn't have also passed if he'd been president, today. The difference and distance between the two isn't substance, rather time.

I'm actually more impressed with Clinton considering where he had to come up from. There was nothing ever risky about Obama's political career prior to his run for the president. Being a liberal Democrat in Chicago ain't no thang. I like this president well enough, but I never saw him more liberal (at least substantially so) than Bill or Hillary when it came to actual voting records on the important things.

poncho_pilot January 11, 2012 at 2:40 am

i don't think those two sentences go together.

poncho_pilot January 11, 2012 at 2:41 am

what about Oblahma, instead? easier to say.

Negropolis January 11, 2012 at 2:45 am

Don't bother. I don't bruise easily.

Is that okay with you? Passive-aggressive much?

imissopus January 11, 2012 at 2:56 am

Fuckin' A. This.

Limeylizzie January 11, 2012 at 8:46 am

That made me really fucking hot, I am jet-lageed having just arrived back in NYC and click on the Wonkette and there you are, wunderbar.

Biff January 11, 2012 at 10:09 am

Marry me.

Not_So_Much January 11, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Thank you — I would totally gay marry you right now.

flamingpdog January 11, 2012 at 10:52 pm

Dude, who do you know at teh Wonkette that they let you make a single post so long? But right on, anyway, Palinz.. I finally realized last night that the reason I have been following the Repooplican debates so avidly is that I have to keep reminding myself what the alternative to Hopey is, and the debates always remind me the alternative to Barry Obama is a complete and total clusterfuck of nightmarish proportions.

emmelemm January 11, 2012 at 2:58 am

Oblah dee, Oblah dah
Life goes on, brah!
La la how the life goes on…

RavenRant January 11, 2012 at 3:32 am

Okay, Blahrack Oblahma. Or any combination of the two.

poncho_pilot January 11, 2012 at 3:21 am

i swear, i didn't use the R word or make an amusing but awful connection between that song, a certain show that had been on ABC, and someone whose last name rhymes with Sailin'.

poncho_pilot January 11, 2012 at 3:23 am

all i said was, every time i hear that song, i say: "stfu, Paul." and then go to the next song.

emmelemm January 11, 2012 at 3:53 am

That was totally random on my part to the word Oblahma and not to anything you may or may not have said.

Deny everything!

poncho_pilot January 11, 2012 at 3:41 am
poncho_pilot January 11, 2012 at 4:08 am

oh. the first reply i posted was deleted by the administrator. it is no longer there. i must've deleted it?

i mean…i know nothing. nothing.

BaldarTFlagass January 11, 2012 at 8:53 am

Are we stepping into "Night Porter" territory here?

Limeylizzie January 11, 2012 at 8:56 am

Except the Nazi for me looks more like a young Rutger Hauer.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 11, 2012 at 9:33 am

Count yer blessings. At least we were spared "I thought we liberals were supposed to be open minded" and "Never mind, I shouldn't have even tried to go against the groupthink."

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 1:01 pm

I was flapdoodled by the temerity of that pseudo-apology. But upon seeing your response, I raise my woolly cap in admiration.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 11, 2012 at 9:41 am

Some of the Young Earth Creationists who feel compelled, for some reason, to acknowledge at least PARTS of reality have made the claim that the primordial supercontinent actually did exist (so it was easier for all the animals to get to the Ark!) and then the continents all moved apart during the Flood.

No, don't try to explain that the friction of continents zipping around the globe during the course of a few months would boil away the oceans and cook Noah…. They're interested only in Godly science.

Negropolis January 11, 2012 at 9:47 am

You want to know the sad thing? I've never particularly been what you could call a supporter of the president. Hell, I didn't even vote for him in the 2008 primary or general (don't ask, long story, all you need to know, however, is that I didn't vote Republican. lol).

So, when I start to complain about the negativity directed at him, you know something's wrong.

Tundra Grifter January 11, 2012 at 9:52 am

2L:

Now THAT would be hotter than a two dollar pistol.

Negropolis January 11, 2012 at 10:07 am

You're right. The dude's a total rook.

BornInATrailer January 11, 2012 at 10:44 am

Fuck you!

Oh wait..

SorosBot January 11, 2012 at 11:56 am

Yeah, that was it! The only other comparably good news I've seen on American TV has been from the BBC and Al Jazeera. Sigh.

Biff January 11, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Why else Strait of Hormuz?

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Thank you. What a delightful comment to wake up to.

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Needz MOAR Gay.

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 12:56 pm

I'm willing. Nothing wrong with a four-way relationship.

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 1:00 pm

The more important issue is, the bill passes in all its entirety, INCLUDING THE UTTERLY UNDESIRABLE PROVISION that it may be freely used against US Citizens. As it currently stands, the President's signing statement unequivocally provides that it is NOT to be used against American citizens. THAT is a more crucial aspect of this bill than the one that provides our troops' paychecks.

President O is a long-sighted man. He sees the legal and political ramifications of these issues on a long timescale. I don't always agree with him, but I respect that he is looking at all possible outcomes, and so far he has been correct more often than wrong.

Biff January 11, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Sry, I haz none…

SorosBot January 11, 2012 at 2:30 pm

OK, this is the funniest comment yet.

MissTaken January 11, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Mommy?

imissopus January 12, 2012 at 12:22 am

Hi crazy person! (waves)

sunmusing January 11, 2012 at 3:26 pm

It's something a sane person would avoid. Mom is an Elder in this church, dad was a non practicing catholic. It may explain why I'm so fucked up.

not that Dewey January 11, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Sorry, hon. Should be back to normal in few.

user-of-owls January 11, 2012 at 6:19 pm

Well hurry up already, it's giving me the willies AND the heeby-jeebys. Maybe even some trepidation as well.

ShaveTheWhales January 11, 2012 at 7:21 pm

Yeah, that's pretty much been my single-issue for 43 years now.

C_R_Eature January 11, 2012 at 7:45 pm

Okay, it looks like Laura Bush has gotten into the Xanax and Chardonnay again. Don't encourage her, she'll pass out soon & George will have to hide the iPad.

not that Dewey January 11, 2012 at 7:46 pm

I know. The image of that horrible, horrible face cannot be unseen. I even gave myself nightmares. Let's just call it a failed experiment.

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 8:37 pm

Srsly, dood.

user-of-owls January 11, 2012 at 8:19 pm

That's what Dr. Moreau said.

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 8:39 pm

I don't know how serious you're being, but FeralRabidStoatBoy is just barely visible behind Mittens in the frozen video clip. I was looking at his lipless smile when I shut down. I had a lot of trouble sleeping last night, and was late for both my medical appointments today. I'm gettin' out the sleepy-weed tonight fo' sho.

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 8:35 pm

Yeah, it made me LOL hearing YOU of all people defending the O-man. Mostly, apart from trying to explain my own support for him, I try not to respond, but things have gotten so ludicrous that failing to respond is just a guarantee of a future aneurysm, at this point.

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 8:50 pm

Dood, you are NOT fucked up, or no more so than the rest of us. None of us is walking around with sunshine beaming out of our arseholes. We're flawed, often obnoxious, and mostly crazy people who are all just lucky to have found this terrific place to connect.

I spent some time (verbally) beating the shit out a truly fucked up person today — a LaRouche myrmidon who had the gall to call me an English fascist to my face. You are SO not fucked up.

not that Dewey January 11, 2012 at 8:53 pm

Glad I could help.

Wait! What's that? Is that David Brooks or Erik Erickson in clown makeup? Not horrifying at all!

And wasn't one of your previous avpics Michele Bachmann in a clown afro? That's not the least bit horrifying, either!

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 9:07 pm

I just got back from seeing the surgeon and being tortured by the physical therapist and I'm sitting here vaping a bowl, and this is just rocking my brain right out, dood.

Thanks.

Edited to add: Bonus weirdness: Trying to read the Portuguese lyrics while listening to the English version.

rocktonsam January 11, 2012 at 9:17 pm

do we still like Barb?
because I do

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 10:03 pm

Oh, now you've gone and *totes* hurted my fee-fees, dood. Hmph!

And that's Newt Gingrich in clown makeup in my av, I'll have you know. *Far* more tasteful than *your* choice of nightmare inducer. And that's a fact.

not that Dewey January 11, 2012 at 10:37 pm

Newt Gingrich. I rest my case.

You'll notice that you and owls were apparently the only ones who saw it; I switched it in and then spent 10 hours in the field, no reading or commenting, so I had no opportunity to parade my new face around to the greater community before you guys made me change it. What a waste of a perfectly grotesque avatar.

not that Dewey January 11, 2012 at 10:43 pm

Dr. Moreau was a lightweight. Who among us hasn't, in a moment of autodeification, grafted grotesque visages onto unlikely creatures?

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 10:53 pm

Nuh-uh, dood. Nuh-uh. Newt in *tasteful pastel* clown makeup is way superior as av material to FerretFaceChoadBoy Romney, Mister I-Rest-My-Case.

Aren't you glad Owls and I saved you from the terrible faux pas of being caught in public with that gruesome lip-lacking ambulatory anal rim?

Kids these days and their values.

PalinzADummy January 11, 2012 at 11:01 pm

Interesting quote. I had to go look up Foote, of course, of whom I know nothing. How did you come to discover this secular thinker?

Believe me, I do consider myself very lucky indeed to be living where I am. Very, very lucky.

Negropolis January 11, 2012 at 11:25 pm

We don't like Barb; we lurv us some Barb.

Negropolis January 11, 2012 at 11:35 pm

That's all I'd ever ask. I'm still not particularly sure what if I should be more worried, but I can't find the fear I would have if a Catholic archbishop ran for the presidency simply because Mormonism is still very much a persecuted and thus contained religion.

PalinzADummy January 12, 2012 at 1:16 am

Er … no one? I have a crush on Sara Benincasa, does that count?

I b'leev they've outdone themselves yet again with today's fusterclucking. Naked capitalist greed at its best/worst, and they don't even care no moah.

PalinzADummy January 12, 2012 at 1:23 am

Where is Mormonism persecuted? I understood it was a wealthy and powerful church and that it pretty much owns the entire state of Utah. As always, I'm open to information.

Biff January 12, 2012 at 11:35 am

I've always been a bit of a freethinker…

PalinzADummy January 12, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Doesn't explain anything, Birthday Boy. How did you discover this writer? He doesn't seem to have published a great deal, either.

So, 13th? Or 17th? Because time's running out here.

Biff January 12, 2012 at 1:44 pm

And since Intense Debate is fuxxored, as usual, I can't fix shit again, but it forgot to link to http://stuffgodhates.com/ and http://www.wittenburgdoor.com/.
Question everything!

glamourdammerung January 13, 2012 at 7:46 pm

I am pretty sure this one is a re-run as I recall the url.

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