Here Is Your Obviously Necessary New Hampshire Wonkette Drinking Game!

  booze newz

New Hampshire state animal is a deer, is why.

NO we have not yet entered the 2012 general election phase of America’s ongoing destruction, but YES, it is time for a Wonkette drinking game, because how else was anyone planning to survive the hailstorm of dildos raining Apocalypse and Gloom on our nation from the New Hampshire GOP primary tonight? Yeah, WE THOUGHT SO. Let’s recap: Mitt Romney is going to win, but if he wins by less than a 250-million-point margin, then he has Lost, forever, because then the entire universe (Twitter) would be required to shut up about who will win the Republican nomination (hint: he won’t win by enough for this to happen). Ron Paul might win second place because no one has been paying attention to his batshit platform of dismantling the federal government and HOORAY MAREE-JUWANNA LEGALIZATION, and Jon Huntsman will come in third or possibly second because whatever, “Hunts-mentum” was a fun distraction for a couple seconds. Everyone else amounts to the collection of empty acid rainwater-soaked Skoal canisters piled outside your Uncle Bruce’s trailer. Let the drinking begin!

HERE IS WHAT YOU ARE REQUIRED TO DO, IF:

  • Rick Perry gets a vote, anywhere in the state of New Hampshire: if you are a male, give another male  a “blow job,” which is a half-shot of Bailey’s Irish Cream, a half-shot of Kahlua plus whipped cream, or whipped semen, “if” you have that. Ladies: let’s just have a laugh, shall we?
  • You hear/read the words “Bain Capital” mentioned: light a five-dollar bill on fire and stir it into your beer, as an aid for vomiting.
  • Anyone mentions senile socialist hippie loser John McCain: have THREE SHOTS, of whatever you have on hand. Never forget!
  • The words “job creation” sneak into the coverage: just kidding, no one will talk about this. Have you forgotten how GAY MARRIAGE is the only issue that America Cares About? Do not pass go and head directly to jail/ GITMO.
  • Someone, anywhere, says “Ronald Reagan” for any reason: go urinate. Feels good to flush that out of your system, right? This is a Public Health Tip.
  • Someone uses the stupid term “Hunts-mentum:” Drink your can of Natty Ice, in regret for the English degree that makes you loathe desperately underpaid headline writers instead of getting that engineering degree that would allow you to ignore them altogether. Now smash the can against your forehead.
  • Any time the media wonders whether Mitt Romney is leading this race that he has already won: take a small sip, it’s going to be a long night.
  • You spot Rick Santorum bragging about his dorky sweater vest: call your mom and make her down the leftover half-bottle of Australian Chardonnay she’s got hanging around in the back of the fridge, to punish her for making you wear nerd attire in seventh grade. Do your own vodka double-shot if the teasing left you permanently scarred.
  • Newt Gingrich calls New Hampshire “profoundly stupid,” for failing to choose him as their leader: have a shot of absinthe and chew on the rubber sole of your shoe for a few minutes.
  • Rick Santorum claims a “moral victory” despite coming in 86th out of 5 candidates: go make “friends” with the nearest empty bottle of gin.
  • Mitt Romney is declared tonight’s “winner” in spite of no one caring: lick the collected dust that has been hanging around under your couch since 2008 so that you can feel exactly like Mitt Romney, and then finish off the “emergency” six-pack of PBR you were saving in case this thing went really long. Staple a note reading “911″ to your forehead and pass out. HUZZAH.
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294 comments

      1. Guppy

        "but if he wins by less than a 250-million-point margin, then he has Lost, forever, because then the entire universe (Twitter) would be required to shut up about who will win the Republican nomination (hint: he won’t win by enough for this to happen)"

        I hope she still has the receipt for that English degree…

      2. Dr Ozark Hellbender

        Oh, is this where English Majors check in and rue their choices? OK–Rueing like a motherfucker, then.

    1. Loaded_Pants

      Can I fall in love in KBJ even though I'm one of those ghey mens? Or has that kinda love been outlawed in most states?

      1. PalinzADummy

        Absolutely! Why, I have personally fallen in love with most Wonketeerz at this point, andif I missed anyone, it's just that I've been so frightfully busy planning to run off with the rest!

      2. Dr Ozark Hellbender

        Rick Santorum is perfectly happy to let you marry Kirsten. But you can't marry another boy, because that's just icky.

    1. Mahousu

      That's the metarule for drinking games – you get to take a drink for every rule the game has. That's as far as I've ever gotten in one.

      Yes, you get to take a metadrink for the metarule.

    2. sarah_connor

      I skipped drunk and went straight to puking. But that was because i went KRAZEE and made up my santorum sweater rules. You inspired me Kirsten! God bless you. xoxo

  1. weejee

    We'all, 'sposed to y'all, know what the Bain of Mittens campaign will be. No not that moldy banking firm, but the the fact that he's a secret Messican.

    Six shots of Takillya with a 1 tablespoon chaser of salt.

      1. SorosBot

        That means he's not a natural born citizen and was ineligible to run for President!

        Oh, wait, I forget that having a US Citizen parent automatically makes one a US Citizen and so that whole thing was stupid because even if the conspiracy theory was true it wouldn't matter.

        1. PalinzADummy

          See, the whole point is to dig up and confirm all this information, and then present it to the Birfers. Their heads will explode. Under US law, if one or both of your biological parents is an American citizen, you are automatically an American citizen. However, if you are born on US soil, regardless of your parents' citizenship, so long as they are not the paid employees and agents of a foreign government which can assert jurisdiction over them (e.g., foreign diplomatic, military, or governmental personnel), you are automatically a US citizen. Now the Birfers have been tying themselves in the most artistic of knots trying to convince us that President Barack Obama, who was born in Hawai'i of a US citizen mother, is NOT entitled to hold the highest office of this land. I'd really really like to see them explain Romney's eligibility and why it has never been raised.

          1. SorosBot

            Or that of John McCain, born in Panama.

            (It's actually not quite automatic for a child of a US Citizen to be a citizen, but the only problem is if only the father is a citizen, and the parents are unmarried; then they have to prove that he actually acted as a father to the kid. But that's it, and the rule's a relic of the days when paternity could not be proven; if a kid's mom is a citizen, they are a citizen, period).

  2. DustBowlBlues

    Well, shit. It's already over. Are we going to stick around and make fun of Romney, cracking the 26% ceiling of Republics who can stand this guy?

  3. Beowoof

    I was going to go for the dust, but then decided I never want to feel like Mitt Romeny. Hopelessly spinning on positions to suit the audience right now. He flip flops so fast I bet he would be a green source of electrical energy generation.

        1. NellCote71

          Gee, how do I get one of those "provides services" people? I want one, or is that Politics of Envy? So confused.

          1. snackypants

            I just put an ad up on the Casual Encounters part of Craigslist and had all sorts of services offered to me.

          2. Loaded_Pants

            Their elimination of the "adult services" category did make it harder. But only a couple of clicks solves that problem.

  4. nounverb911

    NYT just projected Mittens win. Guess I'll go watch Dr. Strangelove on the DVD machine to celebrate.

  5. EatsBabyDingos

    Looks like its "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs Fall Into the Blender Again." I hope Tim Burton directs this one.

  6. Fukui_sanYesOta

    Wait, hang on. I'm stunningly drunk, my mother is also drunk and keeps phoning to yell at me, I've pissed on a crushed can full of dust and my dog has a 9/11 post-it stuck to his forehead.

    Oh fuck it.

  7. SorosBot

    What do we drink if anyone actually mentions W. Bush? Oh wait, they're still pretending those eight years never happened.

    1. Jukesgrrl

      Especially Romney. Apparently there was no president between the promiscuous Clinton and the Socialist Obama. And we must get back to supporting the 51st state of Israel, dammit. (But don't ask his kids to help.)

  8. rocktonsam

    I can't watch this crazy shit. Storage Wars is on for cripes sake!

    Fingers crossed for a Brandi sex tape.

  9. SexySmurf

    I think that one white guy is going to win, and that other white guy is going to come in second.

    1. SudsMcKenzie

      Mom always said "Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming "Wow! What a Ride!"

  10. BigDumbRedDog

    But if I do all of this tonight I won't have anything to do tomorrow. Besides vomiting uncontrollably.

  11. emmelemm

    go make “friends” with the nearest empty bottle of gin

    I'm not sure exactly what this entails… and I don't think I like it…

  12. Limeylizzie

    Yay Mittens! I'm just reading the hatchet-piece on him in the new Vanity Fair, he's a right bastard.

    1. Fukui_sanYesOta

      That's an excellent article.

      For our wonkette friends, it's online now.

      “It wasn’t that Rick was stupid. It was that he came from a [high school] class of 13 people. He had no education. I mean, Rick is not dumb. He is just not educated.”

          1. Barb

            Thanks, Sis! All I can find is the Town & Country with Ali McGraw on the cover. I will probably get Vanity Fair tomorrow.

      1. PsycWench

        We have the interesting quote from a conservative comparing Perry to Palin: Palin was ill-prepared; she didn’t look like she knew what she was talking about, either.
        Gee, I wonder why.

    2. PuckStopsHere

      Don't worry, Limey. He'll be ok w/you as long as you don't get knocked up w/out benefit of a husband.

  13. MissTaken

    Thank goodness for mute buttons. This post is making me crack up while on a conference call with Singapore. Haha!

    1. SorosBot

      I've had that problem in the past too, cracking up during the pointless-since-the-first-month-or-so weekly conference calls on my current case.

      1. MissTaken

        Durian is the nastiest, smelliest shit in the world. When I lived there my apartment was above a durian shop. Vomit.

    2. C_R_Eature

      MUTE BUTTON!

      Thank you. Now to lay some appropriately Evil music over Mitten's speechification.

      1. MissTaken

        I was in Sing when one's engine fell apart over Indonesia and had to emergency land at Changi Airport. I was flying to Hong Kong that night and we were the first flight on the "just repaired after a bug ass broken engine ate it up" runway. I want nothing to do with the A-380.

  14. Texan_Bulldog

    My New Year's resolution was to drink less, so I'm out for this one. Although you guys are tempting me over to the dark side….

  15. imissopus

    Drink your can of Natty Ice, in regret for the English degree that makes you loathe desperately underpaid headline writers

    Or the English degree that led to a job spending your day thinking up a new drinking game. Shoot, my film degree should be that useful.

    1. SorosBot

      Or the Philosophy degree that lead to law school and more student loan debt, because there's nothing else you can do with a Philosophy degree.

        1. SorosBot

          I wish! No, I love physics but I'm a layman; majored in it for about a month or two but my grades, thanks to my hitting a wall in understanding math when it came to advanced calculus, put a quick end to that.

          Now I'm just a lawyer who reads a lot of books written by physicists for interested non-scientists like myself.

  16. user-of-owls

    Seriously, the only suspense in this whole affair is whether or not Larry O'Donnell will jam a rusty fork in Ed Shultz' kidney.

    1. Limeylizzie

      I would, I can tell that my bf Larry O'Donnell just hates that fat, red-haired man.Hi Owls, I am on a plane , look up in the sky ..that's me waving.

      1. user-of-owls

        Oh, I wish you'd told me! I would have done some stretching, had a double espresso and flown way up and given you a kiss through the plane window! Unless you have an aisle seat. Then I just would have scared the bejeesus out of the person sitting next to you.

        But I'll turn my head all the way around from here on earth and give you the biggest, most affectionate wink you've ever seen! *wink*

    1. Fukui_sanYesOta

      Newt will go "full bastard" before he quits, which will hopefully means he'll irrevocably damage everyone else before he flames out.

    2. Pres.VerminSupreme

      No, of course not. Perry is down there scouting for male escorts…. er, I mean, putting the state "in play" by pandering to the Secessionists down there, whilst Neut is on a mission from Callista to find some more Baubles.

      1. PuckStopsHere

        Sense to drop out? They didn't have the sense to not get in in the first place. Why would you think they have the sense to drop out now? Do you think they learned something? These are GOPers we are talking about here. They NEVER learn. They abhor learning. No good ever came of it.

    3. Negropolis

      Will these two have the sense…

      I think you answered your own question within the asking of it.

  17. SorosBot

    Does anyone have a link to MSNBC's live stream like last week? I can't get CNN's to work and don't want to watch Fox's.

      1. Limeylizzie

        Thanks , it's either that or a really shitty movie on the plane, I'll settle for a really shitty candidate.

  18. forgracie

    If that little Santorum grommet would squirt some tears on live TV for the end of her father's pathetic stab at taking the country back 100 years I'd drink the remaining 1/3 of my good scotch.

  19. Mojopo

    I'm playing "King of the Road" for Rick Perry. Can anyone help a brother out with bus fare to El Paso? I'm too drunk to find my wallet for him.

  20. Barb

    Look at Romney's wife in that white suit. You would think that 250 million would afford you some Spanxs or a decent pantie girdle.

  21. Pres.VerminSupreme

    This can be a pretty easy liveblogging evening:

    7:50 – open bottle of yr. favorite alcoholic beverage &/or find some delicious marijuana.
    7:59 – enjoy snazzy CNN election graffix.
    8:00:01 – NH called for Romney. Bain 4EVA!
    8:00:15 – turn off teevee, weep &/or laugh, start to consume entire bottle of alcohol or bag of marijuana. Pass out.

    1. tealsheart

      I went old school and made weedBrownniees. Smoked filled the kitchen – used too much weed and not enuff other stuff.

  22. C_R_Eature

    No fucking way. I have to ride this liver through November.

    That said, there's a certain bent appeal to spending the next year drunk.

  23. weejee

    Mittens has just come to hose his volunteers and tells them they made history while they were chanting "shit, shit, shit, shit" or something like that.

  24. FakaktaSouth

    Aw yay. I can sit here with my stupid English degree and not have the slightest regret about never ever ever being smart in the way required to have tried for anything in Engineering. But I remember those Tsquares sticking out of the backpacks were an automatic impression maker. Love.

    1. ShaveTheWhales

      T-squares? Were there also ….slide rules? 'Cause Jr Hi students use CAD programs these days.

      (P.S., I had a great slide rule).

      1. FakaktaSouth

        I doubt very seriously even the stoutest jr highschooler could carry around all of the computer equipment required to run CAD in 1990 in a backpack, so in ancient times TSquares were more ergonomic to lug across the quad I guess. I only even know what it is because I once asked who all the folks hitting themselves in the side of the head (schlepping backpacks on one shoulder) with the 3 foot Ts were. I thought it was a frat thing. Frat things were low-tech weird in the early 90s too.

  25. Biff

    Good fucking gawd, how many of the minimum-wage workers got there thanks to vulture capitalists just like YOU, Willard? Jesus Christ…

  26. DustBowlBlues

    I'm having dinner and slow to respond:

    Has anyone pointed out that these speeches are boring? ,

  27. SorosBot

    Mrs. Romney, the ghost of Tammy Faye Baker called; she said you might want be overdoing it a bit with the makeup.

  28. Steverino247

    I find it very interesting that Mitt Romulan could only get 35% of the vote. We'll have to wait for the post-mortem, of course, to see who drops out and where those votes will go in the next episode of The Perils of Paultards.

    1. DustBowlBlues

      Current TV person said that Gingrich has offered Santorum a deal. If Gingrich doesn't win SC, he will endorse Rick Santorum and Christen him, "The New Not Mitt."

  29. Dr Ozark Hellbender

    Thank God at least MITT still understands that greed is good–take that, Gingrich, ya commie.

        1. Negropolis

          "Party" and "Singapore" don't even belong in the same sentences. Hell, you get the death penalty for practically spitting on the sidewalk, there.

          1. MissTaken

            I lived in Geylang. Cab drivers thought it was hilarious that a white chick with blue eyes lived in the red light district. Best noodles in town, though!

    1. fuflans

      right? that was opposite world speech.

      and three years of barack obama need to be replaced by eight years of another george bush.

      gaw.

      1. SorosBot

        He's gone full class-war, on the side of the super-rich. I hate Mitty more than ever. At least it's fun hearing my imaginary lesbian girlfriend (along with, sadly, the annoying ass Chris Matthews) rip apart a bald beardy libertarian asshat.

        And yeah, as they're saying seems to really weirdly hate Europeans.

        1. Barb

          I love Rachel! Chris Matthews is a dweeb who needs to wipe the spittle from his lips every 3 seconds.

  30. ElPinchePutoPulgo

    Being Catholics and all, you know the Santorums can party. I've partied with Catholics before. It's just like partying with normal humans, but with lots of screaming, assault, laughing followed by sobbing in fetal positions. It's alot like Visitor Q but with a Creed soundtrack.

    1. Negropolis

      I'm sorry, but you have no partied until you've partied with Evangelicals. Unlike Catholics, there is so little self-reflection and so little self-loathing within evangelical christianity that once you get them drinking, nothing is off limits. Catholics can be some pretty mean drunks from what I've found; they still have a way to find inhibitions while drunk as hell, as if they go deeper than any drug ever could.

      1. ElPinchePutoPulgo

        Yeah, I have found evangelicals are freeeeeaks ( a evangelical stripper & a lady at gym with a Jesus tramp stamp about 2 yrs ago). Sounds like we need a new design for the Coexist bumper sticker ..booze bottles, dildos, bongs ,etc.

  31. C_R_Eature

    Fuck this, I'm watching Peter O'Toole impersonate a drunken Errol Flynn in "My Favorite Year" on TCM.

    and, it goes without saying, drinking.

    Golly, I can't wait to see Mittens reenact The Charge of the Light Brigade this year after his Massive (8 votes – right at the noise threshold measurement limit – in Iowa and a gimmee in his backyard) Set of Unprecedented Wins!

  32. fuflans

    well i don't know about you all, but listening to mittens was an EXTREMELY unpleasant reminder of the bush years.

    i don't think november can come soon enough.

    i worry about my liver.

    1. DustBowlBlues

      That's the channel I'm watching. I love that the first words out of her mouth were about being angry. On the other teevee MSNBC is trying to be more newsy with deep, important analysis, and no one is reacting angrily to the bullshit speech Mittens just gave.

      1. Biff

        Current TV. She's getting her own show soon. Hope you get them in your line-up. Also, I hope they someday get around to broadcasting in HD; kind of a low-budget outfit…

  33. GeneralTapioca

    Excellent, excellent! This community-organizing President must go so that socialist regulations are lifted from my friends in el Norte, Nike, Starbucks, Exxon Mobil. All of my amigos!

  34. Serfville

    "One Nation Under God" "& 10 Wives Each"!
    How much does Shit remind of "Bob Roberts"? Ugh. I can just hear him now singin' some Dylanesque folk song…" I like to fire people that do services for me" Dum Dee Dum Dum DUMB. All the live long day Mmm Mmmm Mmmm….

  35. Come here a minute

    … regret for the English degree that makes you loathe desperately underpaid headline writers instead of getting that engineering degree that would allow you to ignore them altogether …

    If you got the engineering degree, just enjoy the witty headline and have a shot of whatever gets you through another day.

  36. Negropolis

    Ok, Ron Paul is really starting to piss me off. He doesn't attack Romney, and then he siphons up just enough votes to keep any of the candidates that genuinely hate Romney from kicking him in the balls. Unless you're going to be in it to win it, get the fuck out of the way before you hand this over to the guy you should hate more than any of the others.

    1. chascates

      He doesn't expect to win but he'll stay in it through the convention. I've heard it said he wants to build a libertarian wing of the GOP but I think he's just senile.

  37. SorosBot

    Right now I'm watching Paultard central on C-SPAN. First I think someone's about to get a cease and desist order from Tom Petty; second, I've referred to these guys as a cult several times, it may have seemed like a joke but it is not, the crowd's behavior shows that they most definitely are a cult. He's the second Great Prophet of the Free Market (after the original Great Prophet Ayn), fighting against the Demon The Fed.

  38. Terry

    "Anyone mentions senile socialist hippie loser John McCain: have THREE SHOTS, of whatever you have on hand. Never forget!"

    Shouldn't that be five and a half shots?

  39. Negropolis

    Paul is talking about doing everything short of physically launching an attack on the Fed and the crowd is chanting like they are at a Jim Jones sermon.

  40. DustBowlBlues

    Oh Jesus. Ron Paul really isn't trying to tack to the center in anticipation of the General, is he? Pimply faced college freshmen men are beating off to this speech.

      1. Barb

        I just saw it on Huffington Post. Why the hell would he need to even say this shit? In my opinion, she cost him dearly.

    1. C_R_Eature

      That rolling catastrophe was the Best Decision He Ever Made? Great Googly-Moogly, I hope he never ever talks about the Worst.

    2. Loaded_Pants

      Sarah, while watching this, screamed: "Look! Someone thought I was the best decision they made!" then she looked at Todd & yelled: "Unlike SOME people!"

  41. SorosBot

    Uh, Ronnie, you oppose liberty, at least for everyone who's not a straight white Christian man; it's not about fucking money. Stop using that word.

  42. ttommyunger

    I smell a third party candidate coming soon. The Rightards will never get behind Willard so a split in the Right seems inevitable. I'm guessing Ron Paul at the top of a ticket with a no-name Rightard filling the #2 slot-not Sarah Palin, but Palinesque. An Electoral landslide for Barry.

    1. SorosBot

      I would think Paul would try a Libertarian run, except that to do so would probably doom his son's political career as it would make the family name poison for being a traitor to the GOP.

      1. ttommyunger

        Ron Paul prolly considers Ron Paul's career above all else. I can't believe Rand has any political hope in an electoral environment which is not populated entirely by inbred mouth-breathers (I'm talking to you, Kentucky). I think Newt, Ron and Ricky are already considered traitors by the GOP Establishment, which must be tearing its hair out by the roots right about now. Opposition Research is going to have a field day with Mitt and the also-rans are doing the homework for them during these Primaries. It is all shaping up well. The “near” haters would not vote for Barry if Alfred E. Neuman were the Republican's choice, the left has no where else to go and so the “moderate” swing vote will call it again. When Williard is fully exposed, the middle will be disgusted and frightened by him, as I am. In short, I'm happy, so far.

    2. Dudleydidwrong

      It could however be someone like Santorum as I'm still not convinced that the American Taliban/Christian Reich will support a Mormon. If Mitt-shit is the nominee, they'll either sit this one out or put up a Christian (?) alternative. Either way Obama wins but they'll take that over a magic underwear-wearer.

      1. ttommyunger

        The Republican Establishment shares your reservations re. the Magic Whitey Tighties, but they are being painted in a corner here. As I've been saying for years, Barry has got to be the luckiest nigger on the fucking planet; and I mean that in the nicest possible way.

      2. SorosBot

        There are rumors that the frothy mix and the amphibian have an agreement to try and tear down Mittens, and have decided to direct all their negative ads against Mitt and that whichever one comes out on the bottom in South Carolina will come out and endorse the one on top. (sorry, puns unintended).

  43. C_R_Eature

    Giant writhing Noodly Appendages – I just flipped back to MSNBC & Ron Paul is yelling "We'll cut ONE TRILLION DOLLARS from the budget!" Wild Paultard cheers in background. No thought at all of the havoc to our civilization that would cause.

    Now it's Tuesday night and I'm Fupped Duck again. You people are Bad Influences. I have to thank you for that.

  44. Radiotherapy

    Ron Paul wants to cut everything, including his eyebrows, so the little rugs will stick.
    Freedom, freedom, freedom.

  45. SorosBot

    Oh and the inflation rate right now is 0%, it's not hurting anybody, you moron. Not to mention that inflation normally helps the poor, who usually owe in debt than they have in assets, and help the debt-holders; primarily the banks, credit card and student loan companies.

  46. Mojopo

    It's over, just like that? Poor Mrs. Romney – now I know how it feels. Listen to me, woman to woman, let's put the magic underpants away and chat. There's this store called "Good Vibrations"…

  47. Negropolis

    I can't believe the Republican Party is about the nominate Mr. 1%, Mr. Bush Redux, Mr. Croporate Raider in a period of time that has seen and continues to see OWS and the tea party. This fucker is toast unless the corporations just come out and buy this thing out-right, which is a real posssibility.

  48. Mumbletypeg

    I just asked my dog if he'll make sure I don't oversleep in the morning. He is, what, 91 in dog/ human years. If I wake tomorrow and step out of bed into a puddle of something, what are the odds that a.) the beer & brunswick stew came back up & in my deep slumber I didn't care; b.) he actually tried to get a message through to me that his 'business' was due; c.) I'll probably just call in sick anyway?

  49. Pithaughn

    As a true Merikun, I am switching to Hostess baked "goods" eating games. WTF? how can Twinkies go bankrupt? Did Bain capital have something to do with this?

  50. Dr Ozark Hellbender

    NPR's Robert Smith sez sometimes he asks Ron Paul supporters, "Come on…it's the legalizing pot that drew you to Paul, isn't it?" and they repy, "No, it's the Austrian Economics!" and pull out a copy of Von Mises.

    So, yeah, hallucinogenic substances either way.

    1. user-of-owls

      I have those kids. In fact, I've had those kids since 2008. And quite honestly, they give me the heebie jeebies. They're all on the plane to Guyana, man.

  51. user-of-owls

    Much to my surprise, I feel the need to thank Ron Paul. After watching his speech, I know now what I must have looked like after downing a quart of Cabrito tequila.

    Moral of the Story: Ron Paul is good for my sobriety, albeit unwittingly.

    Addendum to the Moral of the Story: Ron Paul is categorically, unequivocally deranged.

    1. Negropolis

      Because delegates are divided by county, I think, much like the popular vote doesn't necessarily reflect the electoral college.

    2. Jukesgrrl

      I'll answer my own question. My mother just told me the inexplicable number I am reading on the TV screen ADDS IN the delegates each candidate won in Iowa. Which explains why Santorum still has the second-most delegates when his NH popular vote is low. Sorry.

  52. littlebigdaddy

    Big surprise. The plurality of NH goopers are good country-club types (Exeter, St. Paul's, Dartmouth), but you have a large number of gun-hoarding, meth-brewing types as well. Roth's The Human Stain captures the situation in northern New England pretty well.

  53. Biff

    In the hunt? 3rd place is a ticket to ride? Come ON, Huntsman.

    And who are those ohsowhite women surrounding you? Never mind, we already know. I think you pick one from the Mormon catalogue at a certain age.

  54. Negropolis

    OMG, Huntsman is black. He just asked "ya' hear me?" at the end of a sentence! I'm so voting for this guy!

  55. user-of-owls

    "You know what I saw from 10,000 miles away?" is this generation's "I can see Russia from my house."

  56. Radiotherapy

    Not that Country First theme again. I would put country like 25th on the list. How about Sexytime First. Alcohol Second….Wonkette Fifth….Canada 19th….etc.

  57. SorosBot

    OK, my internets are acting wonky and apparently all clogged and so I can't get any streaming media to work, so I've turned on a local PBS station's digital-antenna-only news sub-channel. They've diverted from New Hampshire to talk about SOPA (the destroy-the-internet-to-prevent-piracy bill) right now, and it's the first time I've ever heard anyone on the TV discuss the bill and the debate over it. And it's just on a local PBS digital channel. Corporate control of the news media is great, isn't it?

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