worthless crap

Rick Santorum Campaign Now Selling Sweater Vests

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Pictured is this bossy new page in the merch section of Rick Santorum’s official website. Yes, our dreams have come true. Rick Santorum has read all the Google alerts about his sweater vests, he sees that he has received the coveted honor of being called a Trend by the New York Times (“For Santorum, Sweater Vests Seen As Comfortable”), and one young, happening social-media savvy piece of fresh meat on his campaign team has responded by allowing you to own one of “his” armpit-aerating sartorial staples, a necessity for anyone with anger management issues, because anger causes sweat, for just $100.

But please take heed of the fine print at the end of the above-the-fold area:

* Demand has been extremely high for this item. Please allow 4-6 weeks for delivery. Thanks again for supporting Rick’s campaign.

Thanks again. But four to six weeks? Santorum will be nothing but an improper noun by the time this thing arrives. There’s a place on this page where you can actually CHOOSE how much you want to pay for the sweater vest (retail value: $4, shockingly made in America and not Vietnam) in question. Do you want to pay the maximum of $2,500? You could do that. But you only have until January 11, i.e. tomorrow. SO HURRY IN/ON NOW! THIS DEAL WON’T LAST! [USA Today]

About the author

Liz is a writer. She has written for this site, evidently, and also The Awl, The San Francisco Chronicle, NPR, The Economist and others. She is the author of a short story collection, Cover Story.

View all articles by Liz Colville

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • nounverb911

    Did he wear them first? Are they stained with santorum?

  • Steverino247

    I get my sweater vests for a lot less at the local Big and Tall man store. (Thankfully, I'm just tall these days.)

    I also think it would be very bad to come to work with santorum on my sweater vests.

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    Do they come pre-stained? Democrats will buy blue ones, as a Clinton commemorative.

    • LiveToServeYa

      Yes, they come stained by Santorum.

      • UW8316154

        come stained by santorum seems, somehow, redundant.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

          Also, gaggacious. Too.

  • Goonemeritus

    He is just trying to do his part to reduce the sexual epidemic in this country!

    • AlterNewt

      It's a good way to start.

  • lizcolville

    who the f knows, his website, like the man himself, is horribly opaque!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

      Santorum is opaque? Why, because he's so dense?

  • Barb

    "between now and Jan 11th" LOL He's running his campaign from day to day now.

    • V572 the Merciless

      It'd last longer if you'd buy a couple of pallets of those handsome sweaters, available in S/M/L/XL/Teabag sizes. Free delivery is available for $79.95 S/H!

  • memzilla

    I'll order a dozen and put 'em right next to my pile of Ol' Crazy Eyes' fleece jackets. They're sure to become valuable collectibles… right up there with Billy Beer!

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    Will Santorum come under fire for aborting the arms of his sweaters?

  • Texan_Bulldog

    "* Demand has been extremely high for this item. Please allow 4-6 weeks for delivery."

    Ummm….hate to break it to these folks if they just HAVE to have a sweater vest, but you can run down to the local JCPenney or Kohl's & pick up that exact same hideous sweater without paying S/H. Just a thought…

    But, seriously, who wears a sweater vest?

    • UnholyMoses

      Um ….

      **raises hand**

      The Mrs thinks I look hawt in them, and she's the only constituency I need to worry about appeasing.

      • Terry

        Does she also tell you you look hawt when you take out the trash or fix a leaky faucet?

        • jus_wonderin

          The only response to this is "Hey! How do you know my wife???!!"

        • UnholyMoses

          take out the trash

          Sadly, no.

          … or fix a leaky faucet?

          I'm not allowed near plumbing.

          She does, however, say such things when I'm cleaning her kitchen.*

          (* Yes, that's a metaphor.)

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

        Hey, as long as you keep her in the mood for a little horizontal samba, ain't nobody's bizness what-all you get up to.

    • MissTaken

      Can't lie: I find something hot about a guy in a sweater vest. But then again I still whip my head around when I get a whiff of Drakkar Noir, so I'm obviously lame.

      • Texan_Bulldog

        Unless the dude is wearing one sans pants, I don't get it. (But we all have our 'things'!)

        • Terry

          No, it's a sweater vest with a pair of sans-a-belt pants that's truly hot.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Does my Hai Karate do it for you too?

      • elviouslyqueer

        Oh honey. Brut or GTFO.

        • MissTaken

          I know, I know! But I lost something to a guy wearing DN and it's held a special place in my heart ever since

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            Your composure? Your car keys? Do tell!

          • BigDumbRedDog

            I understand. The same thing happened to me. I wore his DN smelling jacket the entire winter of my juinor year of high school. That smell NEVER fades.

          • jus_wonderin

            That is really cute. It reminds me of the time I wore my GF's coat in High School.

            But I had really thought that memory had been beaten out of me.

          • FakaktaSouth

            Mee too mee too! My first bathed in DrakkarNoir and now I (ahem) fucking love it.I also loved a boy who wore Brut 33 and I still love that too. I also like Polo because I can close my eyes and be in 8th grade again. It makes me boycrazy just thinking about ALL of these. Woowee where's that old man of mine…

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

            He's gonna be lyin' there with a shit-eatin' grin on his face, wondering what the fuck happened, you know.

        • Terry

          Brut is AXE body spray for guys in their 50's and 60's.

          • prommie

            Old Spice is the good stuff.

          • elviouslyqueer

            No no. That's Jovan Musk. Or Royall Lime, if you're feeling truly fancy.

          • Terry

            Old Spice is the AXE body spray for the WW2 generation.

            do-do-de-do-do!

          • prommie

            Hey, don't knock it, the geriatric chicks go wild for it!

      • emmelemm

        Come on, people! Sex Panther or GTFO.

      • chicken_thief

        I'm a cheap fuck – nothing but Mennen Skin Bracer for me.

    • SorosBot

      Do they even sell them anymore? Santorum's the first person I've seen wearing a sweater vest since I was like ten.

      • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

        Not sure who sells.. but they're popular knitting creations. If you were fortunate enough to know any novice knitters, by now you might have had a handmade vest bestowed upon you. They're easier than sweaters because those sleeves, getting them evenly sized and identical length and god forbid you have to seam them into the main garment — let's just say more than one occasion I've observed enthusiastically-endeavored sweater patterns become adapted into something less.

        • BaldarTFlagass

          Every time I've ever tried, they ended up being ashtrays or shoe shine boxes.

    • YasserArraFeck

      I know two people who wear them. They're both Republicans. Coincidence?…..I think not…..

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

        Well, it's like those alligator shirt thingies. Most people who wear those, or pop their collars, or wear polo shirts or Dockers, are likely to be Republican. But even some of us aging lefties do have a fair share of fashion faux pas. Why, I myself have a pair of Birkenstocks, in which I take great pride. I have even been known to wear them with socks.

    • prommie

      Its hip to dress like a dork these days, but only if you do so "ironically." Santorum just looks like a dork. If he wore horn-rim glasses with the sweater, he might pull off the look. I am wearing horn-rim glasses and a cardigan right now (the cardigan being the one worn by The Dude in The Big Lebowski. And I am doing it ironically as hell.

    • Callyson

      "* Demand has been extremely high for this item. Please allow 4-6 weeks for delivery."
      Yeah, that's what all online websites say about their merch…the idea being to underpromise, so that the company looks good when the order arrives "ahead of time." As for "who wears a sweater vest," good question…recovering sex addicts who really, truly, never want to relapse?

    • GOPCrusher

      Jim Tressel.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

      Well … Santorum, obvs.

      I do, sometimes. Not-hideous ones, though. Charcoal merino, or a tasteful dove gray cashmere. Keeps you warm when the cheap bastards at work turn the heat off but expect you to hang out late anyway.

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    I bet they were made in China by a company Mitt sold.

  • PsycWench

    How ironic. They're the best method of birth control money can buy.

    • KeepFnThatChicken

      According to his platform, that's abstinence. Don't fall in love, fall in line…

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

      Dammit. (removes vest, folds, puts away)

  • Barb

    “One of my supporters said this is my second amendment vest… the right to bare arms.”
    Ass clown!

    • PsycWench

      That picture makes me think more seriously of arming bears. New Hampshire bears.

      • Barb

        Rick was last seen speaking to a crowd at the maul…………

        • KeepFnThatChicken

          Does a bear shit in the maul?

          • Barb

            Does a gay bear leave santorum at the quorum?

          • Generation[redacted]

            Madame Speaker, I move to have that last comment stricken from the record.

            Unless, of course, Santorum can fill a Buster.

    • SorosBot

      Damn he really said that; that pun is so corny it would make an armed Fozzie Bear wince.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

      When Barack Obama made that crack about his wife, it was funny. Li'l Ricky doesn't even *get* that this doesn't apply to him because his arms aren't bare. DOH.

      Must beat head against keyboard now.

  • SorosBot

    And you, too, can look like an accountant in the 1970s and be the butt of all you're colleagues' jokes!

  • bflrtsplk

    Are they bulletproof?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

      Much better to make them splatter-proof.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    I think there is a Cleveland Steamer wearing Rick's frothy sweater vest.

  • hagajim

    He's even offering a special vest in Santorum color.

  • freakishlywrong

    Oh for fuck's sake.

    • proudgrampa

      Took the words right out of my keyboard.

      • http://wonkette.com smokefillednewyear

        My keyboard actually rolled its 'i' at me then yawned.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Great Flying Spaghetti Monster!

    Please allow 4-6 weeks for delivery.

    What if UPS aborts my order?
    ~

    • jus_wonderin

      4-6 weeks!! I wanted to wear it to his campaign resignation announcement!!

    • prommie

      Fuck that, everyone knows campaigns welsh on their debts, I wouldn't give a campaign a penny unless I had the merchandise in hand. Geeze marie, everyone knows you get cash on the barrelhead when dealing with a campaign.

  • UnholyMoses

    " … it comes in gray … "

    Sorry, but I only buy sweater vests that come in blah.

    • UW8316154

      don't forget the special commemorative "Frothy Cream" color.

  • comrad_darkness

    ♪ It's a beautiful day in my all-white neighborhood . . . ♪

    • Callyson

      Mister Rogers libel!

  • Radiotherapy

    I wonder if it comes in blah.

    • http://wonkette.com smokefillednewyear

      It only comes in blah–are you kidding?

    • DaRooster

      Of course… it's a sweater vest.

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      The true blue Rick fan should order in blue-black for the coal hole he crawled out of.*

      *not like I wanna be reminded… but he keeps talking about it…

  • comrad_darkness

    In this case, made in U.S.A for $4 means made in Guam, thanks to the whore monger Republicans who allow that labeling, for Jesus.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

      Or the Marianas, with Chinese slave labour. Young girls who are forced to have abortions because providing them with health care, childcare, and time off would be more costly than could be provided with $4 sweater vests. But *those* abortions are OK in Rick's book, just like his wife Karen's abortion, which he would never permit another woman to have.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Don't let sleeves slow you down

    How do sleeves slow you down?

    • OneYieldRegular

      Slow you down from WHAT, I think, is the relevant question.

      • jus_wonderin

        He dives in with both arms!

    • Buckminster

      Well, I suppose if you're truly clumsy, you could catch a sleeve on a doorknob as you're on your way to getting hit in the butt with the door on your way out.

    • GOPCrusher

      Have you seen Michael Phelps swim in a shirt?

    • Gleem_McShineys

      You see, when a man is making santorum with another, and he loves the other one very much, one might refer to the santorum-chute as a sleeve, and…

    • http://wonkette.com smokefillednewyear

      The funny thing is he's still wearing sleeves.

  • poncho_pilot

    if you put this sweater in storage make sure to pack it with froth balls.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Your move, Ward Cleaver.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Meh. If keeping the "core" warm is what its' about, I'm holding out for the Hopey Haramaki.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

      That is the weirdest damn thing I've seen in a while. WTH is it?

  • proudgrampa

    You know, as an Old, I used to like wearing sweater vests. But the thought of wearing one now? Fuggedaboutit!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

      Thanks a lot, proudgrampa. (clutches sweater vests with a final sob)

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Also old, I have a nice sleeveless fleece that I'm quite fond of. But I've never been much of a fashion plate.

  • PubOption

    4 to 6 weeks for delivery. Chances are Ricky will be out of the race before then.

    • widestanceshakedown

      We are all living for the headline, "Santorum Drops Out."

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

        Preceded by lots and lots of "Santorum Slows"; "Santorum Loses Momentum"; "Santorum Surge Turns To Trickle"; "Slippery Slope for Santorum"; and the like.

  • kissawookiee

    I would rather have one of Santorum's sweater vests than, say, Newt's boxers or, god forbid, whatever absorbent rag-on-a-very-long-pole Chris Christie uses to swab the cheese from his folds.

    • jus_wonderin

      He has "people" in Pennsylvania for that. Hell, probably even Ohio.

    • nonbeliever7

      Well thank you for that.
      Not. Eating. Ever. Again

      • MaxNeanderthal

        Affirmative, I just lost my lunch….

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

      Eugh! Eugh! Eugh! (hops about dramatically from one foot to the other)

      He can't possibly reach far enough. I'm sure he pays people to do this.

      Oh, my brain, my eyes, my lungs and liver!

  • OneYieldRegular

    Sweater vests? Not peanuts or jelly beans? Somebody in the PR firm handling Santorum's "branding" has one dastardly sense of humor.

  • widestanceshakedown

    Can you imagine what they smell like (not making santorum joke here, just his own aromatic melange of cheap dryer sheets, BO, cowardice and fear is enough)?

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Probably some incense from a Catholic Church mixed in there, too.

      • chicken_thief

        And the faint odor of formaldehyde from refreshing the pickle juice in JarFetus' container.

  • LiveToServeYa

    Here lies Santorum's sweater vest
    Food for moths
    Nothing became it in life
    Like the throwing of it out

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I'm betting Marcus Bachmann has put down an order for 10.

    • jus_wonderin

      Uh? Oh. Sweaters.

  • hagajim

    Love the kicker head…isn't that what comes out of Rick when he is done?

  • Mahousu

    I hadn't seen his campaign logo before. I don't want to think about what's flying out of his hole.

  • widestanceshakedown

    Actually, the real hot item comes in a few weeks when the dead fetus hits eBay.

    • Pragmatist2

      I believe the doll is now available. But too late for Christmas!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

      With a resounding splat!

      • KeepFnThatChicken

        TOO SOON

        (he hasn't quit yet)

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

          Oh, he will. Methinks the Talivangelists don't care for Catholics much. 'Bout as much as they don't care for Mormons.Damn, what WILL the godbags do? They don't *have* anyone else.

  • coolhandnuke

    He's long dead, but i still fantasize Santorum paying Mr Rogers neighborhood a visit and Fred just goes crazy and pummels his frothy lily ass with kicks, punches, eye gouges, knee drops, ties his toes in knots, spits in his ears, gnaws off a thumb then strangles him with his sweater vest…Amen

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Great fantasy, but in reality Mr. Rogers probably would have just said, "Ricky, it's not nice to be mean to certain people and treat others like they're more special."

      OT: I knew a guy in Pittsburgh who used to do graphic design for Mr. Rogers. He said it was absolutely hilarious to go to review meetings and hear Mr. Rogers say to him, "That's VERY good, Jim."

      • Callyson

        True, Mr Rogers probably would take the high road.
        Officer Clemmons, on the other hand…oh, what a pleasant thought…

      • ShaveTheWhales

        Jeez. Can you imagine?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

      You're rather … enthusiastic about Santorum, aren't you?

  • owhatever

    Another campaign money-raising team is selling the arms that were cut off real sweaters to make them into vests.

  • BigDumbRedDog

    Guys in sweater vests make me punchy.

    • comrad_darkness

      As in, you feel like punching someone?

      • BigDumbRedDog

        As in I feel like punching them. With my tiny woman fists.

  • meatlofer

    When he's done with us, NO ONE wll be able to afford sleeves!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

      The One Percenters will.

  • http://wonkette.com smokefillednewyear

    I want one of Rick's fetus blankets.

  • raygotaway

    Is there a color coordinated chastity belt and a bloody crucifix attached to it?
    I wanna be sure its authentic.

  • SorosBot

    I don't think these are going to sell very well; Rick's made a bad in-vest-ment.

    • Barb

      If I follow you home, will you keep me?

      • SorosBot

        My lease says no pets, but kitties are so cute…

  • MissTaken

    I'm actually surprised Sarah didn't think of this first and start selling her glasses and bump-its.

    • Callyson

      I read that as glasses and bump-tits.
      Which might be a big seller, you'd think Saint Sarah would be on that…

    • GOPCrusher

      After Santorum drops out of the race, look for The Undefeated II. The Rick Santorum Story on DVD and Blu-Ray Disc.

    • Sheesko

      Who knows that she didn't? There are lots of dark alleys in Wasilla at this time of year.

  • MissTaken

    Does the sweater vest come on a wire hanger? I'm gonna need one of those when he's President.

    • SorosBot

      Just stick to oral and anal only; that's the one form of birth control he can't ban.

      Well, OK, he can, and believes the state should do so, but try enforcing that.

      • BigDumbRedDog

        Anal spreads santorum! I'm totally getting that embroidered on a sweater vest.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

          Promise me you'll applique two slices of bread below it.

          • KeepFnThatChicken

            Toasted bread, with a picture of Jesus on the side.

    • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

      Size Zero is available, you can clothe your fetus in a sweater-vest and then hang it in your closet with a wire hanger for display!

      (Kind of a dark thought, even for me.)

    • KeepFnThatChicken

      Just stop sexin', and you won't have to worry about it. Abstinence!

      deit: Sorry, fuck Rick and his campaign. I'm not going to preach his Christian mantra for him.

      • GOPCrusher

        But it worked so well for Brisket Palin!

    • James Michael Curley

      The image of Ricky flailing away at one of his kids yelling, "No Wire Hangers" is too bizarre to imagine, but wouldn't surprise me.

  • http://wonkette.com smokefillednewyear

    *Demand has been extremely high for this item.

    *our ass

    • PsycWench

      if by "high" you mean "actively hallucinating"

    • Callyson

      If one person orders that rag, demand would meet *my* definition of extremely high for that item…
      …and "high" is a good description of the mental state in which said customer most likely would be when placing the order…

    • tealsheart

      Translation: De man has to be very very high to buy this moFo

  • elviouslyqueer

    Wow, talk about throwing good money after bad. Especially since a t-shirt emblazoned with the words "I'm a homophobic douchebag" achieves the same effect at about 1/10th the price.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

      If Ricky put out a tee with those words on it, his campaign would be rolling in dough overnight.

  • jus_wonderin

    As my customary response would be oddly self-serving, I will simply say "Ewwwwww".

  • DaRooster

    Frothy Mix/Sweater Vest 2012!!

  • chascates

    Add a Mitt Romney pair of bell bottomed slacks and some Newt Gingrich white penny loafers for a wild night at the Dairy Queen!

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Where you can pick up a woman with crazy eyes who won't put out.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

        Michele's back in LaLaland, already. Or wherever it is she comes from.

  • Eve8Apples

    Fuck the vest! I want some magic panties! How much for magic panties, Mittens?

  • Guppy

    It's spelled "grAy," Frenchie!

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    Ron Paul has taken to wearing vintage Cosby sweaters, to curry favor with the blahs. He is also Jheri curling his eyebrows.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

      Ye ghodz!

    • ShaveTheWhales

      The problem with his brows isn't their curliness, but their mobility. I'm thinking superglue rather than Jheri.

  • Wilcoxyz

    Made with sweater vest shop labor no doubt.

  • DonnyKerabotsos

    Wasn't John McCain also fond of the old sweater vest? Maybe Rick started wearing them as a sort of nod to McCain, but now that Gramps is supporting Romney (when he can actually remember his name, that is), Rick is stuck with it, like when you take a cooking class to be with a girl you like, who then promptly takes up with some OTHER GUY in the class but, to save face, YOU have to finish this STUPID FUCKING cooking class to save face, as I already said.

    Or so I've heard.
    Maybe that's what happened.

    • jus_wonderin

      There are all kinda accidents that could happen in a kitchen. Let's try to think outside of the box.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

      Riiiigghhhhttt.

      (backs away slowly)

    • ShaveTheWhales

      This is good news for John McCain?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Jim Tressel would have ordered a dozen, if he had a job still.

  • neiltheblaze

    You laugh, but after he becomes President it will be required wearing at all the compulsory Anti-Sex League meetings.

    • VaWyo

      And the uniform for the kids being home schooled, which will be a requirement. None of that guvment schoolin'. All mothers will be forced to home school (whether or not they finished their GED) and unemployment will decline when women leave the workforce.

  • Nesnora

    Bullshit! It's covering his 3rd nipple (the one that gets rock-hard every time he brings up sexy gay sex), don't be fooled!

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Do they come pre-stained?

  • Antispandex

    Change no one can believe in.

  • prommie

    I have been getting these overwhelming urges to sucker-punch dudes I see wearing outlandish clothing in public, lately. I saw a frat-guy-like dude wearing a fedora in the grocery store the other day, and he had a folded-up dollar bill stuck in the band. It was all I could do not to cold-clock him, just for being a douche.

  • teebob2000

    Dorksaywhat?

    • SorosBot

      You should apologize – America's dorks don't deserve being compared to Santorum!

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    And here I would have walked barefoot to Palestine to touch the hem of his nether garment. And now I don't have to.

  • Biff

    Oh for fuck's sake.

  • Limeylizzie

    I'm waiting for the Ron Paul eyebrow merkins.

  • benjo765

    I'd look so good getting santorum all over my boyfriend in one of those santorum sweater-vests

  • SayItWithWookies

    What — no bowtie or argyle socks? I mean, if he's going to discredit an already-staid item of clothing, he may as well go whole hog.

    • GOPCrusher

      Tucker Carlson? Is that you?

  • Callyson

    One hundred bucks and it's not even watered – down cashmere? Next!

  • chicken_thief

    I've drunk every nasty ass low quality beer in 8 countries, but I can't bring myself to drink another PBR. God that shit is awful.

    • MaxNeanderthal

      You tried Carlsberg Special Brew? (A tip- don't)

  • Schmegeg

    Great. Now, if I want to run for student council and not get laid, my wardrobe is complete.

  • SenileAgitation

    Me, I like sweater vests. Truly. For you fellows thinking this bit of cocktail casual is too square, au contraire mon frere! In vee neck configuration, it lends a subtle sexiness (I have no fucking sleeves, baby! that much closer to naked!) that pullovers can't touch. And for the young people, worn shirtless it's a great way to display your tattoos. Please don't tell me it's time to donate mine to Savers or be thought a santorum enthusiast.

    • GOPCrusher

      Wife beater T-shirts have the same effect.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

        Yeah, but they don't keep you as warm. Also, youknow, you should be in shape if you're gonna wear those. Nothing like watching a flab apron flop out the bottom of one of those things, front or back.

  • chicken_thief

    What's with all the flags in the photo – Rick running for POTUS or King of the Fucking World?

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    And you should see him riding his fixie in skinny jeans.

    • MaxNeanderthal

      Riding a fixie in any kind of long pant is a non-habit forming vice, as he'll find out when the chain/ring interface grabs the hem….

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

        Handling any kind of powerful machinery in inappropriate clothing is a great reminder of mortality for the young and foolish. I had mine with a motorcycle and my widest pair of bell-bottom jeans. Nothing like an exhaust burn to send your ass flying over the handlebars. Good thing I had the helmet on, and good thing I missed the tree that suddenly appeared in my path.

  • Gleem_McShineys

    A santorum sweater? This sounds like a term you'd find on Urban Dictionary.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

      Oh god, Gleem, please don't go put something utterly gross in there PLEEZ!

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Hmmm.

  • mavenmaven

    Not likely that this will catch on, given his views on the actual fashion trendsetters nowadays.

  • El PincheBoracho

    Nothing says Brony like a sweater vest.

  • Veritas78

    Dunno 'bout the rest of y'all, but I actually want added warmth on my arms and legs, like a reverse of a sweater vest and flannel boxers.

    Unfortunately, solutions to this problem seem to really creep out the teenagers that I attempt to fondle. Not sure why this is. Suggestions?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

      Leg and arm warmers. Also, stop fondling teens.

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

    Look, at least he's not selling spoonfuls of whatever it is in that jar on his mantel, OK?

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

    I'll bring the patented Golden Bat of Clue and see if parting his hair with it helps him, you know, develop and such.

  • tealsheart

    His sweaters make my navel all sweaty

  • Sheesko

    I'm torn between two comments:

    1. I'd love a bunch to line my cats' litter boxes but at that price, I'll have to pass.

    2. You could felt them into dryer balls. Much better for the environment (and your skin) than Downey. I have 6 that I paid $35 for, like a year ago. They work great. I wonder what's on TV.

  • Negropolis

    Yo, Rick, Imma let you finish, but Fred Rogers was the best wearer of sweaters evah…with the venerable Bill Cosby an honorable mention.

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

    Hold up, there. I've got mine in the bag.