KNOWN FACT: Unemployed people are lazy and refuse to get jobs. Why else would South Carolina’s unemployment rate always be hanging out around ten percent? So here’s an idea from the state’s Republican lawmakers: if the jobless don’t want to work for money, they should at least be legally required to work for free, right? Right. So State Senator Paul Campbell has introduced a bill to convert workers who are unemployed longer than six months and still want to receive state benefits into mandatory “volunteers,” which calls into question whether he understands what this word means.
The AP reports:
Its sponsor, Sen. Paul Campbell, said it’s easier for people to get a job if they have a job of some sort, and his intent is to match people’s skills with work that needs done [sic] in city or county governments and schools, from electrical work to assisting in classrooms.
“I just think if someone’s busy working, they’ll be more industrious and more likely to get a job,” said Campbell, R-Goose Creek. “Depending on the skill they’ve got, I think we can put that skill to work. I’m not talking about collecting garbage on the side of the highway.”
The bill prescribes 16 hours a week of obligatory volunteering to help the shiftless learn what “industrious” behavior feels like, and you know, BONUS, the state doesn’t have to pay for any of the services performed. EVERYBODY WINS. [AP]
{ 197 comments }
If there area 64 oranges and eight "volunteers" picking them, how many will each volunteer pick?
(raises hand)
Ooh ooh! I volunteer to punch this Campbell asshole in the throat.
I will PayPal you bus fare, others can chip in for bail.
Damn, you beat me to it! My wit is even slower than usual today….
Shit! You didn't say there would be a math test to qualify to do free work. Not fair. Has the South Carolina GOOP figured out the answer yet? Didn't think so…
I like this version better: if there are 64 oranges and eight 'volunteers' forced by state legislators to pick them, how many legislators will each 'volunteer' tar and feather?
All of them, Ka…!$!!&!..ooof, been punched in the gut by the Wonkettz who is tired of that meme.
Does each "volunteer" count as 3/5 of a person?
Won't this cut into their Civil War reenactment activities?
Now they'll have "volunteers" they can force into certain parts!
Someone's got to fill the roles of those pesky Northern aggressors…
Exactly, and some of the "volunteers" will be sold to other states.
Yay! Now even slavery is color blind! I guess we are making progress.
obligatory volunteering
Oxymoron anyone? Stressing the "moron" part.
= mandatory
I guess Sen. Campbell sees nothing wrong with "obligatory volunteering" when he sees state assistance as a "free gift."
That's the best oxymoron since the now – classic "compassionate conservative" line…
"Now I'm going to turn my back, and I want all volunteers to take one pace forward…."
(See Disney's "Jungle Book" for a demonstration)
Will they also only count at 3/5 of a person? I mean, you might as well go all the way.
Only for purposes of determining benefits.
Nonsense, we're enlightened men now.
They count for a full 4/5th.
That's 75% to all you Fox viewers out there….
I think Gov. Haley has that covered with her new voting rules.
Ahem, I believe Darling Nikki may only be 3/5ths of a Governor.
Haven't you heard? She's white now.
I believe "self-hating" is a requirement for all non-white Republicans (gay also).
Actually, she wouldn't have been allowed to vote at all.And if some conservatives had their way, Nimrata and her friend Piyush would have never been allowed in this country in the first place.
I also assume that in South Carolina, from now on, any buisness or person getting a break in their taxes will also be required to "volunteer" 16 hours a week. Just to make things fair, right?
NO because they would be "job creators". Now if industry follows suit and creates a bunch of volunteer jobs, everybody wins!
Um, I think South Carolina tried this before, we even fought a war over it.
Which they lost, a 150 effing years ago, and still won't shut up about it.
SOUF WILL RICE AGIN.
I don' cotton to whut you jus' sayid, bwah!
There's only one thing to do: a re-enactment of Sherman's march.
Its sponsor, Sen. Paul Campbell, said it’s easier for people to get a job if they have a job of some sort, and his intent is to match people’s skills with work that needs done [sic] in city or county governments and schools, from electrical work to assisting in classrooms.
This is the kind of scenario that my dad describes as "pissing on my leg and telling me I struck oil".
Or Ween calls Pissing Up A Rope.
I certainly hope these mandatory volunteers have to get drug tested first (and paid for out of their lint-filled pockets) also; too.
Also if they have gold teeth…
I wonder if Sen. Campbell's had a drug test lately.
That's in there too (fer realsies)!
"I’m not talking about collecting garbage on the side of the highway.”
WTF?! Maybe that is the very best skill that I have!!!
Well, duh. They leave trash collecting to the experts.
They don't give sticks with sharp, pointy ends to just anybody…
Volunteer = 21st century slave.
Employee = 21st century slave
Intern = 21st century slave's assistant.
Old Navy saying, "one volunteer is worth ten pressed men". Depends on how voluntary the volunteer was….
I dunno. How about instead of pairing unemployed people with positions in schools or government that suit their skill set, SC could just HIRE people to fill those jobs?
'Cause otherwise, this just looks like a way to provide a steady supply of cheap labor to replace former public sector jobs with "volunteers" while also helping drive down wages for everyone else who'll now get to compete with free labor.
Now why in hell would S.C. hire someone and pay them when they can just get them for free? Sheesh!
Cause the GOP is all about job creation?
HAAAHAAAHAAAHAAAA!
Prison labor wasn't enough for these guys.
Around 2000, Iowa got the brilliant idea of getting county jail prisoners to do clean up and yard work around the county courthouses, until the prisoners said "Fuck you, we ain't doing it.". So they took the next logical step and banned smoking in the jails, so if prisoners want to take a smoke, they can do some yard work while smoking.
Why stop with public sector jobs? Hell you could "volunteer" these folks for working in the fields and stocking shelves at WalMart and building cars fer chrissakes. You could volunteer the whole damn workforce of this here country, and it would make them workers more competitive. I just don't see a downside here. This "volunteering" thing could revolutionize American economic policy. Sheer briliance on the part of the good Senator!!!1!!!1ONE!!!
Repeal the XIII Amendment!!!
Or is it really even necessary? If you just call it "obligatory volunteering" there's no need to go through all that trouble of getting the northern states to pass it.
Don't put it past them. Seems that the reason the GOP opposes things like unemployment compensation, minimum wage, & the social safety net is that they make it so unemployed people aren't quite desperate enough to create a permanent pool available workers to drive down wages and keep the workers from getting uppity.
While they do get to play that out through our immigration policy (keep the browns marginalized & afraid so they won't complain about shitty wages and working conditions), I don't imagine the GOP will be happy until that model expands to all sectors of the economy (except banksters & CEOs). Turning the unemployed into "volunteers" is just one step.
Karl Marx, "Capital" volume one: Reserve army of the unemployed that keeps wages low is one result of capitalist accumulation.
You are starting to sound like a Bolshevik. (I learned that word in the comments on a conservative blog)
Unemployed people are lazy and refuse to get jobs.
Does that make us bad people?
"Depending on the skill they’ve got, I think we can put that skill to work. I’m not talking about collecting garbage on the side of the highway"
Is he talking about picking cotton, perhaps?
I volunteered once in Pennsylvania on behalf of the United Way and I ended up being assigned to pull vines out of trees in a forest. I was a professional employee of a Fortune 100 company at the time and that was considered a suitable job for me. Maybe it was. I guess I was used to wrestling with vegetation that lacked communicative skills.
ALso, it will be a crime to teach the unemployed how to read.
Someone really needs to brush up on the 13th amendment.
"Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted, shall exist within the United States, or any place subject to their jurisdiction."
Shhhh. Strict Constitutionalists don't have to actually read the thing.
Paul Campbell just had a mandatory volunteer with a sharpie add an asterisk to that. Another volunteer is fixing the wikipedia entry.
PROBLEM SOLVED
Well, being out of work IS a crime
The Founding Fathers didn't write that. Duh.
Shhh! Don't tell the interns.
Or…the state could HIRE these people to do the work that's now being done by VOLUNTEERS. Just a thought.
Another Bolshevik or are you a Leninist?
"Its sponsor, Sen. Paul Campbell, said it’s easier for people to get a job if they have a job of some sort, and his intent is to match people’s skills with work that needs done [sic] in city or county governments and schools."
Sounds like someone's looking for free rent boy services for South Carolina's GOP staffers.
"Scared Shiftless."
And we inch ever closer back to slavery….also, people who park illegally
in handicapped spaces should have their legs broken which would then qualify them for the handicapped spaces. Problem solved!
Have you ever considered the possibility that they may be mentally handicapped? Parking there seems sufficient evidence, in a Catch-22 kind of way.
I've always been curious as to whether I could get a ticket if I used the handicapped stall in the public restroom as an un-handicapped person. They are so much roomier and therefore make it a lot more comfortable to go in there and rub one out when I get bored and am tired of waiting for Kirsten or Liz or Wonkette Jr. to put up a new post.
On the subject of enslavement, I see you're starting them on the right track in kindergarten… http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2012/jan/09/texas…
How did I know it had to be the Cowfukkin state….?
That's usin' your noggin!
From South Carolina's 3rd grade Math Curriculum:
"Each tree had 56 oranges. If eight free laborers pick them equally, then how much would each laborer pick?
Your move, Georgia.
Georgia's already done this. It's called "Georgia Works" – - only I recall reading how studies had shown it *doesn't* work as well as planned. Still that didnt' discourage our President from endorsing the idea for part of his national jobs plan last fall. (I'm still trying to find the follow-up article I'd read that was more critical of both plans…)
Phhhht. I barely spend 16 hours a week working now.
Oops, boss is coming.
Heck, I thought Tennessee was the volunteer state.
Yes, but only because "Land of Homophobic Backwater Racist Rednecks Who Think It's Perfectly Okay to Marry Their Sisters and Fuck Their Livestock" wouldn't fit on the license plate.
That certainly doesn't leave enough room for the plate graphic. A fightened cow.
Hey now, Tennesseeans are classy people.
They date their cousins, thank you very much.
Sis?
Yeah, but God-fearin' Kentuckians to the north actually marry their cousins, you backwater heathens.
Dangit! I gotta delete something…brb.
South Carolina–first in secession and first in reslavery.
Every time it’s time to harvest my grapes I volunteer my shiftless teenage sons. They keep threatening to call César Chávez and I keep telling them if he comes they can form a union.
Oh, that was so bad in all the right ways. lol
I’m not talking about collecting garbage on the side of the highway.”
If they're unskilled wingnuts, they could always sign up to be Fox News talking heads. It's the next step down from collecting roadside garbage.
And I'm proud to be an American
Where at least I know I'm free
Until I lose my job, that is
And forced to do some "volunteering"
Please don't extend Lee Greenwood's career a moment longer.
Ol' man ribah…
Se. Campbell must know somethin'. . . .
But I doubt it.
Did they announce this plan from Ft. Sumter?
Something big started there once upon a time in America.
Why not require that South Carolina's Republican lawmakers spend at least 16 hours per week collecting garbage on the side of the highway? If they're busy working to improve the state, they'll be more industrious and thus more likely to be capable of understanding why they were elected in the first place.
They could always call them "interns". It has a nicer ring to it than "slave labor". It's nice to see SC go back to its' Antebellum roots – though I was unaware they'd ever left them.
"R-Goose Creek". Need I say more?
And christ, how the fuck is an unemployed person supposed to find a job, which takes a lot of time and effort, if they're busy "volunteering"?
speaking as a serially unemployed person, this was the very first thing i thought.
Silly, unemployed people are shiftless; how dare you insinuate that they are busy looking for work.
Slave reenactment. I guess Civil War reenactment has run its course.
They do realize that "Roots" is not a training manual, right?
They think it shows the glorious past ruined by those Yankees that they wish to return to.
Of course! Roots a story about the South and their far-sighted vocational training programs for the jobless. These programs would find volunteers all across the globe, but they started first with Africa. These programs were kind enough to bring the volunteers right to the training sites, even across the very Atlantic ocean, without charging them a cent, even for room and board!
I dunno, I think they usually watch it backwards anyway so they like the ending better
will there be a "mandatory volunteers" auctions?
will the "mandatory volunteers" be counted as 3/5 for electoral purpose?
will the "mandatory volunteers" be able to reach their freedom by crossing the Mason-Dixon line?
Sure, it was a peculiar institution. But by golly did it work!
It's easy to scoff at new ideas, but free prison labor is why China is leaping ahead of us. Innovators are often laughed at; take your Jeff Davis, your Heinrich Himmler, the inventor of Agent Orange. . . .
And maybe they can put murderers to work at the Gubuners mansion then pardon them for their hard work….Haley's doing it…why not?
You know who else had a plan for getting free labor out of citizens they considered shiftless?
Those were the days, my friend, down at the Mittelwerk.
The Pope?
Newt Sykes?
Sorry — Gingrich
Thulsa Doom?
Bobby Knight? Woody Hayes? Bear Bryant?
Oh, that's too easy. At least make it hard enough so someone has to put a question mark after "Hitler."
Who?! I was thinking Papa Smurf.
Our Reptiloid Overlords?
~
The coaches and commissioners of pretty much every single BCS school?
Every company that offers college students internships?
Nissan Motor Corporation's Continuously Variable Transmission?
Well played.
The Salvation Army?
Ming The Merciless?
Well, yes, I did put Flash and Prince Barin to work in my atom furnaces, but it was a work/study rehabilitation program.
Tom Sawyer ?
Vladimir Lenin?
Widener University School of Law's career office? Unpaid potato chip tester/tasters wanted.
Well, the terrorists do hate us for our freedoms. So if we take away our freedoms, then we win! Mission Accomplished!
Now, where's my Mamie? This petticoat ain't gonna put itself on!
Are there no prisons? Are there no work houses?
Seriously, this is basically bringing back the Victorian work houses; the credit card companies will probably push for debtor's prisons next.
Where do we volunteer to kick Paul Campbell"s ass?
Hope I never have to plug in a computer or a coffee pot in a state office that was wired by a "volunteer" unemployed (and unlicensed and unqualified) electrician. ZZZAPPPP!
Working in schools? He wants to take away my kid's janitorial job and replace them with volunteers?!!! Fuck me to tears…
Oh poor Tennessee, they've had their motto taken away.
“I just think if someone’s busy working, they’ll be more industrious and more likely to get a job"
Can this be applied to State Legislators as well?
his intent is to match people’s skills with work that needs done [sic] in city or county governments and schools, from electrical work to assisting in classrooms
You know a good way to improve people's skills and make them more employable? Offer them the chance to go to school. Oh, and stop obstructing everything the President does in the hopes that stalling an economic recovery will result in electoral victories for your party.
But, that would be socialist commie bullcrap…
There were good programs that provided long-term unemployed folks training and paid internships back in the day. I think Carter's CETA program was the last gasp of that.
So it's like the WPA, but not voluntary and you don't get paid? Why not just have the po'folks come in once a week for a thrashin' by … oh, I dunno … maybe State Senator Paul Campbell? That'll learn 'em! Plus, I'm sure the good senator would be feeling all tingly and such after he thrashed some of the poors.
Hey, if their dirt's in Boss Man's hole….
This is good for employee morale. "Remember, we can just fire you and force you to work for free, you shiftless piece of shit!"
This is the post-racial America we've all been waiting for.
you know who else like to force people to "volunteer" ?
Catholic schools?
My last development job, every Friday at 4 pm, regarding the weekend?
U. S. Armed Forces?
Not even mentioned yet is the cherry on top of this shit-sundae: FREE ROOM AND BOARD, at what were formerly referred to as "Detention Centers". They will now be called "Freedom Retreats", complete with razor wire perimeters and armed security at strategically located guard towers, for Freedom.
Just like the good old days. Maybe Krupp will move some manufacturing to SC.
“Work Will Make You Free”
Arbeit Ist Frei.
South Carolina: Arby's Makes Fries.
~
This is good news for shackle makers.
Oh, PLEASE. No one tell Jan Brewer about this!
Hungary's tea bagger prime minister is applying the same strategy to his country's unemployed.
I'd volunteer to clean up the Appalachian Trail.
Your pockets will be more full of santorum than Rick Perry's sweatpants after a long jog.
This is just a blatant attempt by Sen. Campbell to get a big statue of himself on horseback put in the town square of Goose Creek.
Ah, South Carolina! First to secede, first to bring back slavery…and people say the South isn't progressive?
But if all the crackheads are occupied, what's going to happen to the street value price?
It's a great day in South Carolina? If you can't work for any reason, they will give you a volunteer position as president of a bank.
Yeah! Let's start a new state gov agency up to make sure these ppl are "volunteering"! Maybe they can all get jobs at the new agency?
Was there a cheesy, villainous plot I missed to open a time machine and let in all the racist, hypocritical sociopaths from the slavin' days to spew out havoc in our foul land??!
Someone get this man a stack of salty rat-assholes to chew on to freshen up his mouth. Hell, you won't even have to pay me for that! First to volunteer!
The snackfood you seek is "Lightly Salted Poisoned Rat Dicks" . Perhaps Salty Rat Assholes could be a hors d'oeuvre or even combined into a semi-edible ring toss game. And yes, the sociopaths are everywhere! The best ones are serving in the house and senate, but there are a whole bunch trying to ratfuck their way into the Whitehouse. Enjoy the spectacle, stay for the popcorn.
"Was there a cheesy, villainous plot I missed to open a time machine and let in all the racist, hypocritical sociopaths from the slavin' days to spew out havoc in our foul land??! "
Yes, the villain in this plot was the evil Doktor Karl Rove. His time machine is called the GOP.
And maybe they can get some volunteer murderers from the prison to work in the Guvner's mansion and pardon them for all their hard work
When the nice officer asks if you would like to step out of the car for him, it's not a real invitation. When the state requests you to volunteer your time, you are not volunteering.
Are all these volunteers going to be holding the drug test cups for their also unemployed friends and neighbors or contaminating the urine for skewed results?
So will the job creators be allowed to select the pretty slaves to bed down with to make lots of baby slaves? This idea COULD work.
Jeez, this makes perfect sense…except from the criminally insane part.
Amazing how they can mix just a dash of plausibility into these things to make idiots think they are doing good things.
The criminally insane will
be enslavedhave to volunteer too.This is the prequel to their Civil War reenactment.
If you think there's a long wait at the DMV now…
I dunno, "obligatory volunteering" sounds Socialist to me.
Kathy Lee Gifford.
That deal of low wages for "volunteer" work is what we know as the US Military.
The only thing better than being a "right to work" state is being a "forced to work" state.
This is also an excellent way to spread Christianity to the unemployed
If Senator Paul (who'd a thunk he'd have a name like "Paul") Campbell, would like him some volunteers, I can suggest some volunteers made just for someone like him.
And they get to wear striped clothing while chained together!
OK, so in order to continue to get money from the state, they'd be expected to do labor for the state.
In other words, a make-work program.
How the fuck is this not socialism!?!
hey, hey over here!! How about we start drafting them shiftless peeps for the coming invasion of Iran?
We could use the Muslims trick against them and train our "volunteers" as "freedom bombers".
After completing a "Freedom Fighter" farewell video, they strap on 40 pounds of plastique and run up to one of those flimsy Iranian tanks. KABOOM! no more tank and one less unemployed shiftless shit.
The last country that tried that lost the war (see WWII, Pacific Theater).
Thank goodness that South Carolina doesn't have a tradition of strong trade unions since the unions always try to spoil the fun of forcing people to work for free. Everyone knows the corrupt union bosses think those who work should be paid wages.
"Its sponsor, Sen. Paul Campbell, said it’s easier for people to get a job if they have a job of some sort, and his intent is to match people’s skills with work that needs done [sic] in city or county governments and schools."
Let me get this right: The unemployed will be required to "volunteer" in government jobs, because all of the government employees have been cut.
So this is just some revolving door where people get laid off, and then have to work for free at their old job?
Companies do this all the time. They're called "internships" and the pay is just as good.
And don't forget to say, "It's a beautiful morning is South Carolina!" every time you answer the phone.
Oh, Senator Paul, would you please explain to me exactly how this differs from the WPA? (if I'm reading this right, the "volunteers" would get UI payments in exchange for the work).
Tell him yourself: http://www.scstatehouse.gov/email.php?T=M&C=3…
Wait, so your state's legislative body is going to pass a highly consequential law with no scientific evidence to back up your idea simply because you "just think" something? So, now, you're just passing laws on the total whim of what one person thinks at any given time of the day?
Damn you, Lincoln! Damn you to hell! Why did you just let them leave?
Pickin' tobacco leaves all day long
Doo Dah, Doo Dah!
GOP can suck my dong
All the Doo Dah day!
I get the sense that most of the commenters don't like this bill, but it's actually a pretty good idea. I haven't read the full text so I'm assuming there are carve outs for single mothers, people who are housebound, and others for whom the idea is clearly inappropriate, but I honestly don't see what's wrong with asking for otherwise unallocated labor in return for state benefits. Another poster compared the bill to the WPA, but involuntary and you don't get paid. But that's wrong, it's basically just like the WPA except that you're not required to work full time.
Don't get me wrong, I'm sure this law maker is a typical Republitard and would have to substantially evolve to be considered a dingleberry, but a reasonable idea is still a reasonable idea.
Which State was it that seceded 1st?…hmm…tip of my brainstem…they fired on Fort Sumter…in Charleston…hmmm.
DOH! *scurries downstream to delete my comment*
That explains Malkin completely.
Let's see:
-Nikki Haley reports she's white when really she's Indian.
-Michelle Malkin supports interring Asian Americans in WW2.
-Herman Cain thinks that black Americans are brainwashed.
-Sally Kern claims that women earn less than men because women don't work as hard.
-More Republicans than I have room to say schtup dudes on the side while voting to take away their rights.
Yep, sounds about right.
When your mistreatment of the unemployed is bad enough that fucking Megan McArdle thinks you've gone too far, you have definitely gone too far.
and we thought that day would never come.
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