Pictured: an ass and a goat.

Here is a thing that Newt Gingrich said in New Hampshire, Newt Gingrich, he said this, are you ready for it? GET READY: “You have to ask the question, is capitalism really about the ability of a handful of rich people to manipulate the lives of thousands of people and then walk off with the money?” AHAHAHAHA. This is like taking three giant dumps on the grave of Ronald Reagan and then planting a Soviet flag on top, basically. It is also common sense, which means that it is not an idea native to Newt Gingrich. Maybe he stole it from the sign of one of the Occupy Wall Street protesters hanging outside his New Hampshire headquarters Monday?

No, he’s just redistributing their message like a common socialist, in order to whine about Mitt Romney’s exploitative career at Bain Capital. Has Newt Gingrich always earned his millions super-duper fair and square in exactly the way he has presented it to the public? WE WILL NEVER KNOW, because he refuses to release the files.

Newtie claimed he couldn’t release his contract with Freddie Mac because the company wouldn’t let him, to which Freddie Mac said, eh, we don’t care if you release it. So where’s the contract, then?

From Bloomberg:

A lawyer for a consulting firm founded by former U.S. House Speaker Newt Gingrich said he was barring the release of a contract between the Republican presidential candidate and Freddie Mac.

Gingrich said last week it would be up to his partners in his former company, the Center for Health Transformation, to determine whether to release the documents. Earlier, he said he would be happy to release the contract, yet couldn’t make it public because Freddie Mac, the mortgage company now under U.S. conservatorship, refused to waive a confidentiality agreement.

Freddie Mac officials said last week that Gingrich was “welcome” to release the contract, under which his consulting firm was paid at least $1.6 million over eight years for his services.

Newt Gingrich is awful, the end. [TPM/ Bloomberg]

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  • bureaucrap

    Wrong word in headline; you meant "Newt Gingrich Epitomizes Filthy Excesses of Capitalism."

    • GOPCrusher

      It's kind of comical when you think about it. Gingrich accusing Romney of killing jobs by sending them overseas, but yet his ads claim that he was one of the architects of the Reagan Revolution.

  • Barb

    Newt Gingrich is now starting to surge, which is never good news for Mrs. Gingrich

    • PsycWench

      Sorry, I will never again see or hear the word "surge" without thinking of Santorum. This is not a good thing.

    • MissTaken

      It's really not good news for the next Mrs Gingrich

      • PsycWench

        Yeah, well, she's in preschool right now so let's not frighten her.

        • Barb

          If his wives get any younger he will just be toting a fetus around.

          • Lionel[redacted]Esq

            Wait. Isn't that Rick Santorum?

          • boobookitteh

            HA! Jinx! Buy me some coke.

          • boobookitteh

            I bet Ricky Santorum could introduce him to a nice fetus.

          • Rosie_Scenario

            Jar Jar Bush?

    • Guppy

      Haven't you learned? When Newt "surges," Mrs. Gingrich is never involved!

  • neiltheblaze

    Romneys next anti-Newt ad: "Newt Gingrich: Closet Liberal"

    Isn't trashing jobs and sending them overseas to make millionaires richer a Republican family value or something?

  • "Hey! YOU'RE STEALING MY SHTICK!" – Mittens "Mr Panderboto" Romney

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Viva la Revolucion, Comrade Newt!

  • memzilla

    Occupy Co-opt FAIL.

  • SorosBot

    I love the smell of a circular firing squad in the morning.

  • Wonderthing

    "We can’t do anything to change the world until capitalism crumbles. In the meantime we should all go shopping to console ourselves."

    — Banksy

    • VaWyo

      …at Tiffany's

    • Inchhigh

      “Become good at cheating and you never need to become good at anything else.”

      ― Banksy

  • Pot, meet kettle.

  • Limeylizzie

    Callista knows all about the filthy excesses of Newton's surge.

    • chicken_thief

      Nothing that a day of shopping at Tiffany's won't cure.

  • PsycWench

    Then he added "Not that there's anything wrong with that".

  • EatsBabyDingos

    I have now posted a sign over the empty toilet paper holder in my office's bathroom:

    "The Collected Wit and Wisdom of Newt: Help Yourself."

    • Swampgas_Man

      Most of Newt's wisdumb should properly be collected in the bowl.

  • …and then he hopped a ride on public transit.

    • freakishlywrong

      That's one of the signs of the apocalypse. The other two are Saintorum as a bottom and Dick Perry completing a sentence.

  • Not_So_Much

    For such a morbidly obese, ever-lying, greedy, fat, bag of shit — he's amazingly flexible. With political positions, anyway.

  • Radiotherapy

    Hey Newt, first go take a bath and then get a job, you loser.

  • memzilla

    Newt Gingrich — He Was For Capitalism Before He Was Against It.

    • Geminisunmars

      He is such a flop flipper.

  • SexySmurf

    Newt added, "Adultery is wrong. And people should eat more vegetables."

  • paris biltong

    To paraphrase: "Oh, groovy, smashing capitalism, yea!"

  • So where’s the contract, then?

    Newt will have you know: he is more than willing to present the facts as documented, and procured a copy ready for our scrutiny – – but then someone's danged pet goat ate 'em.

  • SorosBot

    “You have to ask the question, is capitalism really about the ability of a handful of rich people to manipulate the lives of thousands of people and then walk off with the money?”

    Yes, Newt, it is. Now I know you're trying to defend capitalism and so label Bain's actions as somehow not real capitalism, but no, it's actually the soul of free market capitalism; completely predatory and amoral, a sociopathic system that destroys the lives of normal people. That's why we need the government regulations that your party has and continues to try to destroy; capitalism only works without destroying the country with a strong government to rein in its excesses.

    • memzilla

      Shorter version: "Is Our Children Grifting?"

    • SayItWithWookies

      Newt's staked out the unique position of being a big-government-small-government-laissez-faire regulator. He's in favor of reigning in the excesses of capitalism as long as it happens after he cashes in and doesn't cost him any votes.

    • emmelemm

      Stop being so right, and articulate about it.

    • GOPCrusher

      He's going to have a tough time convincing the voters of America to vote for him over the Socialist Policies of President Obama, with that as his campaign slogan.
      Maybe he should leave Zucotti Park and get a job, filthy hippie.

  • Bonghits4Jesus

    Needz more Goatse

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Oh man, there's that goat again! woo-hoo!

  • arihaya

    if Obummer says what Newt said, wingnuts and teabaggers will march into White House with torchs, pitchforks and a noose

    • YouBetcha

      Yeah, well, you know. Black people. Class warfare. Race riots.

  • bureaucrap

    "paid at least $1.6 million over eight years for his services."

    His "historian" gig was primarily sitting at home watching the History Channel and eating 5 lbs of hush puppies, M-F, 10-11am. Tough job but somebody's got to do it.

  • memzilla

    Hey Newt, perhaps your own greasy viscous slime-trail of greed is why you're not getting any traction in your campaign.

  • Time to break out the Che Newt banners out.

  • BigDumbRedDog

    That's a picture of Newt and the future fourth Mrs. Gingrich. Callista is gonna be so pissed!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    “You have to ask the question, is capitalism really about the ability of a handful of rich people to manipulate the lives of thousands of people and then walk off with the money?”

    Is that a question? It seems more like an answer.

  • Radiotherapy

    Next on the Slippery Slope News: Newt Gingrich Supports Tax Hikes on the Rich. He concurs that government policies over the last thirty years have only benefitted the top 1% and this economic inequality is at the core of our dire financial situation.

    • GOPCrusher

      Hilarity ensues.

  • JackDempsey1

    It took a while, but now Mr. Newt knows what we all know:
    No business should
    1. exploit the worker
    2. exploit the land or natural resources

    Basically, the only ethical behavior involves jabbing the dirt with sticks for no pay, and even this is suspect.

  • slithytoves

    You have to ask the question, is capitalism really about the ability of a handful of rich people to manipulate the lives of thousands of people and then walk off with the money?

    Um, yeah.
    Wait, that was a rhetorical question, wasn't it?
    That one was, too.

  • paris biltong

    Hey, Newt, where does your buddy Sheldon Adelson get his money from? Hard work? Producing wealth for the nation?

    • Biff

      Since most of Adelson's wealth is now derived from his holdings in Macau, I'd have to say that foreign munnies have indeed tainted our electoral process.

    • Veritas78

      However loathsome he truly is, Sheldon is actually one of the rare Americans able to pry any spoils of our squandered empire back from the Chinée. As opposed to, say, Alice Walton, who profited by our decline.

      Han flaw = Gambling = Profit!

      • paris biltong

         <DIV>The US government is getting back even larger sums by taking advantage of the Chinese's love of gambling, by getting them to buy US Treasuries.</DIV> <DIV style=”FONT: 10pt arial”>

  • SayItWithWookies

    "From each according to his ability, to each according to the size of his revolving account at Tiffany's."

    — Gingrich, Das Kapital, or A Work of Speculative Economics as a Reflection of Shit that Happens to Me.

  • Callyson

    Even though Freddie Mac is willing to allow the document to be made public, allowing a release of the documents in this case might put the confidentiality of other Center for Health Transformation clients at risk, said Stefan Passantino, an attorney representing the firm.
    “The risks of any kind of confidentiality waiver, even if the company tried to limit it to one client or one document, are too great to be feasible,” Passantino said in an e-mail yesterday. “A limited waiver is not possible and I am unable to authorize such a release.”
    Yes, because simple precautions such as redacting client names are just too risky…

    • Generation[redacted]

      I want to know what Freedie Mac has to do with health transformation.

    • "Besides, we already gave Newt a 'full release' by signing that contract," Passantino said while cleaning his hands with sanitizer and changing the sticky sheet on the massage table.

  • BigDumbRedDog

    “You have to ask the question, is capitalism really about the ability of a handful of rich people to manipulate the lives of thousands of people and then walk off with the money?”

    Um, yes. Yes, I think the last thirty years or so have answered this question in the affermative.

  • chascates

    Hey, the Center for Health Transformation's web site contains mainly right-wing buzz phrases but some surprisingly socialistic ideas:
    Require physical education five days a week for every student in grades K through 12.
    School lunches, breakfasts, and vending machines in public schools should promote healthy foods, so that unhealthy alternatives are penalized or prohibited.
    Students should be weighed, their body mass index calculated, and the results and relevant educational material sent home to parents.

    Maybe Newt and FLOTUS have some things in agreement.

    • Chichikovovich

      That's just because Newt's gotten lots of donations from Big Tofu and the washed-up coaches lobby.

    • Generation[redacted]

      Of course, it makes sense he would go to Freddie Mac with these initiatives.

  • chicken_thief

    Now that he has the much coveted Tawd endorsement, Newt's really going for the Romney jugular.

  • BigDumbRedDog

    No way will I be tricked into clicking on that link again. Fool me once, shame on me, fool me twice and I have to rinse my eyes out with bleach.

    • PsycWench

      I have learned from the mistakes of others.

  • fartknocker

    Never trust a Republican millionaire fat fuck candidate for POTUS who takes $5 million from the SuperPac of a Las Vegas casino owner who is anti-union and is under investigation for his corporation's activities in Macau.

    Be sure to remember that about Newt when the primary comes to your town.

  • Gainsbourg69

    Patria o muerte.

    – Newt Gingrich

  • Radiotherapy

    A NSFWonkette would be helpful.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Wait, if the OWS movement is now the philosophical center of most of the Republican party, does this mean that we will have Obama dressing up in a tricorn hat and demanding that the government stop interfering with Medicare?

    Probably yes.

  • Chichikovovich

    "You have to ask the question, is capitalism really about the ability of a handful of rich people to manipulate the lives of thousands of people and then walk off with the money?"

    As it happens, as any real PhD historian thinker history ideas man thinker like Newt surely knows, this question has been asked before. By Karl Marx. And his answer was "Yes, of course" in Das Kapital. (Second, retitled edition: Der Arbeitsbeschaffung)

    • paris biltong

      Whereas, on the other hand, communism is the same thing.

      • Chichikovovich

        Very true. Apologies for posting a recent joke from Russia I posted a few months ago, but it seems to fit here.A couple of old babushkas who lost their make-work jobs and pensions after the collapse of the Soviet Union were shivering in a long line waiting for charity bread rations. The stretchlimousine of a Putin-connected post-breakup oil billionaire speeds by, toward a trendy nightclub projecting searchlights onto the clouds. As the limo passes, it throws up a wave of icy water over the two women.One says to the other: You know it is true what they say: you are never too old to learn new things. Why all my life I've known that Marx was wrong about communism. But now I've learned he sure was right about capitalism.—

        • paris biltong

           <DIV>My own succinct and previously citedtake on this topic is: “Capitalism is the exploitation of men by men, whereas communism is the opposite.”</DIV> <DIV style=”FONT: 10pt arial”>

  • paris biltong

    Gingrich/Ayers 2012.

  • CapnFatback

    "You're lucky Freddie Mac is holding me back, or I'd soooooooo release that contract all over your asses! You're so lucky! You're so- . . . (Pssst! C'mon guys, you're supposed to be holding me back! Guys?) . . . You're so lucky, America, that my lawyer is holding me back, or I'd totally release the shit out of that contract!"

  • Biff

    Fuck, I hate Newt Hampshire.

  • I'm going to start a PAC where I collect donations so that I can offer Newtles $1 million Ameros in campaign cash if he will wear a diaper and sing "im a little teapot" for a video that he posts to youtube. The fat little whore will be prancing and dancing before the ink is dry on the check.

  • My dog ate my Fannie Mae consulting contract that didn't include lobbying except on days that end in y.

    • prommie

      And its funny that the money for not-lobbying was paid to Newt's lobbying firm.

  • prommie

    Wow! Newt displays an emoticon of sanity, but he is still a turd floating in a bowl of douched-out santorum.

  • WhatTheHeck

    “… is what made America great,” should always be followed by, “… for the capitalists, that is.”
    Politicians always neglect to mention that.

  • Generation[redacted]

    This just reinforces Newt's anti-colonial world view.

  • pinkocommi

    "“You have to ask the question, is capitalism really about the ability of a handful of rich people to manipulate the lives of thousands of people and then walk off with the money?”

    Um… Yes. That is exactly what capitalism is about.

    • emmelemm

      By Jove, I think he's got it!

  • He was for capitalism before he was against it.
    He was for individual insurance mandate responsibility before he was against it.
    He was for blowjobs from staffers and lobbyists before … um … um ….

  • ttommyunger

    "Newt Gingrich…. Filthy Excesses…". FIXED!

  • Geminisunmars

    Re the alt-text: I only see two old goats.

  • emmelemm

    Newt Gingrich is awful, the end.

    Truer words: Never spoken.

  • DaRooster

    Yea Newt… you got my vote!!


  • Huevos Ocupados

    "…taking three giant dumps on the grave of Ronald Reagan and then planting a Soviet flag on top…"

    Goddamn, now there's one for the bucket list!

  • owhatever

    Newt is more Big Mac than Freddie Mac.

  • Oh what is this shit?! Next he'll be cutting a TV spot with Queen Nancy Pelosi about global warming!!

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Princess, please. I'm still hoping she goes back to Queen next January.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Yet another reason why I'm supporting Barry with even more fervor this time around. If the political world in which he's President has come to Newt Gingrich lambasting the unfairness of capitalism, then Barry must be doing something right.

  • Izak the Goat is back! I hope he gets to travel to South Carolina and points beyond.

  • DahBoner

    $500,000 Revolving Tiffany's Credit Account Libel!!!

  • GOPCrusher

    Why does Newt hate our jerb creators?

  • What's next? Is he going to decry the increasing commercialization of Christmas and tell people look beyond the holiday's “superficial glitter” to discover its true meaning? Is he going to follow up by telling us to be kind to the poor and infirm?

  • Antispandex

    "…release the contract, under which his consulting firm was paid at least $1.6 million over eight years for his services."

    The Palin endorsement isn't enough to make this go away? What is wrong with the press in this country lately?

  • lochnessmonster

    Center for Health Transformation? Did he transform his from bad to worse?

  • ShaveTheWhales

    Release the Long-Form Contract!!!!!!!!111!!!!!!!!

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