GIFZETTE DAILY BRIEFING  8:42 am January 10, 2012

Obama Wins First in the Nation New Hampshire Pre-Primary

by Matt Langer

HAPPY VOTINGNEW YORK—It’s Republican primary day in New Hampshire, and the nine registered voters of the tiny northern hamlet of Dixville Notch—who in their quadrennial tradition head to the polls just moments after midnight on election days so as to ensure the morning news shows have at least a few meaningless tea leaves to read off their teleprompters—have handed a resounding early victory to… President Obama! In what is widely regarded as a statistically precise sample of national voter sentiment, the President secured a resounding one-third of support in a crowded field, leap-frogging Republican rivals Mitt Romney and Jon Huntsman, both of whom who were tied for second with a mere 22% of the vote. Newt Gingrich and Ron Paul each secured a single vote apiece, while projections indicate that nobody will ever cast another vote for Rick Perry.

Elsewhere across the state, last-minute undecided voters are giving Newt Gingrich a second look after his flagging campaign received a big boost yesterday: the high-profile endorsement of renowned snowmobiler and former 1/2-term First Gentlemen of Alaska Todd Palin. This is the second big shot in the arm the Gingrich campaign has enjoyed in as many days, with the coveted Palin endorsement following closely on the heels of a $5 million cash infusion from union-basher, rather corrupt casino magnate and notorious dirtbag Sheldon Adelson. Gingrich has already pledged $3.5 million of that money on a South Carolina ad-buy targeting Mitt Romney’s predatory capitalism, a state where Romney has already flooded the cheap airwaves with $2+ million.

Gingrich has already produced what amounts to the Thin Red Line of campaign advertisements, a mammoth thirty-minute hit piece on Romney’s time at Bain Capital. The trailer is here—and, it’s kind of good? And if nothing else it’s certainly well-timed, seeing as there appears to be nothing that campaign watchers are more interested in talking about today than yesterday’s disastrous “I like firing people!” RomneyGaffe[TM]. The Romney camp was quick to qualify this remark as having been taken out of context, which: oh cry us a river. Because John Kerry voted for it before he voted against it, as James Fallows reminds us today.

[READ MORE AT THE GIFZETTE.]

 
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{ 238 comments }

Madfall January 10, 2012 at 8:48 am

Just to be clear, this is not mine but an Intensedebate member named Cletar is the greatest Gingrichologist in the universe.
Example: http://imgur.com/4fOlr

weejee January 10, 2012 at 9:46 am

Today we all has none mustard on our corndogs.

chicken_thief January 10, 2012 at 9:56 am

Rick Perry can still swallow them like Linda Lovelace after a fast.

sarah_connor January 10, 2012 at 10:11 am

haiku libel!

Madfall January 10, 2012 at 10:15 am

He wrote some of the best political Haiku ever.

MozakiBlocks January 10, 2012 at 10:59 am

Now there's no need to insult "Jabba the Hutt". After all he did get Princess Leia in a metal bikini.

finallyhappy January 10, 2012 at 8:49 am

what, nothing for RIck "gays are worse than murderers or rapists as parents" Santorum? New Hampshire- you disappoint me!

johnnyzhivago January 10, 2012 at 9:23 am

Santorum could soften his message by adding, "but they're great at coming up with creative home decorating ideas and they make excellent pet owners"

chicken_thief January 10, 2012 at 9:57 am

Or, "but now, when my wife needs a new do…"

dailyworldwatch January 10, 2012 at 9:54 am

The NH swing is worse than Santorum expected probably…it swung both ways…

Radiotherapy January 10, 2012 at 11:39 am

Don't even get him started on atheists or liberals.

LesBontemps January 10, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Won't someone please run this headline:

Santorum running behind Romney, Paul, Gingrich, Huntsman; NH voters disgusted.

Negropolis January 10, 2012 at 8:50 am

Dixville Notch sounds like a painful, disgusting venereal disease. Also, so does "Newt Gingrich."

Madfall January 10, 2012 at 8:56 am

I think Newt Gingrich sounds like a euphemism for bestiality that includes special lube.

Pragmatist2 January 10, 2012 at 9:17 am

"Special lube" being a lube that was developed without testing on animals?

Madfall January 10, 2012 at 10:11 am

Actually I was thinking of one that was very much tested on animals, if you follow my horrifying train of thought.

Monsieur_Grumpe January 10, 2012 at 8:59 am

I gots me some of that there Dixville Notch from Bunny down at the Crampsville diner. Old Doc Sumptner fixed me up good with some pennycilin but the rash my wife gave me is driving me up a tree higher than a hunted coon.

Hey, you're right.

Tundra Grifter January 10, 2012 at 11:18 am

NGOP:

While I tend to agree with you, aren't all VD's and STD's "painful, disgusting" conditions?

I didn't realize there were some nice ones…

MosesInvests January 10, 2012 at 11:32 am

Actually, I liked the Doonesbury cartoon from the 90s that said Newt Gingrich sounds like a creature from "Dune".

Monsieur_Grumpe January 10, 2012 at 8:50 am

Ah yes, the coveted Todd Palin endorsement. This changes everything.
*Eyes rolling to the point of actually making noise*

Negropolis January 10, 2012 at 8:55 am

Romneybot2000 can actually roll his eyes 360 degrees.

freakishlywrong January 10, 2012 at 8:56 am

I think mine are permanent, Monsieur..

Fare la Volpe January 10, 2012 at 9:02 am

And Owls can't move his at all.

Fare la Volpe January 10, 2012 at 9:02 am

Next up: the riveting endorsement of Butch, your inbred second cousin from your dad's first marriage.

Monsieur_Grumpe January 10, 2012 at 9:03 am
KenLayIsAlive January 10, 2012 at 10:19 am

Well, that does it for me.

I just can't get over how many people seem interested in devouring that fat piece of shit's banana though. What's up with that?

Monsieur_Grumpe January 10, 2012 at 10:48 am

Sometimes a banana is just a banana.

ManchuCandidate January 10, 2012 at 9:06 am

Snowmobiling Grifters are voters, too… sadly.

weejee January 10, 2012 at 9:52 am

Speaking of easy rolls, anyone know who is getting Puta Palin's Bristol stomp?

Tundra Grifter January 10, 2012 at 11:20 am

MG:

Another "C" or "D" List celebrity that the GNoPee drags out to prove not every Hollywood star is a librul!

Right up there with Jon Voight and his ilk. UpChuck Norris, also.

PsycWench January 10, 2012 at 11:21 am

But who is Mark Sanford rooting for? Or Larry Craig? or Mark Foley? I thought these sex scandal GOPers would stick together. Literally, perhaps.

Radiotherapy January 10, 2012 at 11:46 am

Meh, wake me up when TRIsomyG's endorsement comes in.
BTW, the cybercensor still won't let the name that can't be uttered be uttered.

jus_wonderin January 10, 2012 at 12:08 pm

Definitely don't use the word "Drater".

Radiotherapy January 10, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Ken must have turned the "retard" approval machine back on.

Terry January 10, 2012 at 8:53 am

" while projections indicate that nobody will ever cast another vote for Rick Perry."

Hopefully, that includes within the State of Texas, as well.

Huevos Ocupados January 10, 2012 at 12:12 pm

from your lips to Kali Durga's ears, my friend.

DahBoner January 10, 2012 at 12:21 pm

"Hopefully, that includes within the State of Texas, as welL"

No, losing actually makes Perry more popular in America's Asshole

cheaphits January 10, 2012 at 8:57 am

It could be worse.

Let's hope Perry doesn't build on this momentum. Being tied with Vermin Supreme is more than he deserves.

SayItWithWookies January 10, 2012 at 11:32 am

Oh, now I sorta miss Herman Cain.

YasserArraFeck January 10, 2012 at 12:14 pm

"Vermin Supreme" – sounds like something cooked up on an oil drum by the Gourmands under a freeway overpass – like "Boot Stroganoff"

freakishlywrong January 10, 2012 at 8:57 am

Why is the media treating Rick Perry as viable? Rachel hit it on the head last night; Buddy Roehmer is beating him in NH and the bubbleheads keep asking why he's still in the race. Why is Perry?

Terry January 10, 2012 at 9:16 am

Perry is still in the race because he has a massive ego and believes that God told him to run. It's inconceivable to him that he won't somehow win the nomination.

Negropolis January 10, 2012 at 9:39 am

Shelly believed the same voices in her head (and they were probably even louder than Perry's voices), and came in a similar place in Iowa, yet she kind of got the hint pretty quickly to drop the fuck out. I'm not sure what Perry's excuse is beyond the fact that he has a smothering level of stupid that is nearly impervious to reality.

Terry January 10, 2012 at 9:45 am

Shelley probably listens to Marcus more than Rick listens to anyone, other than corporate donors.

Gainsbourg69 January 10, 2012 at 12:13 pm

I read somewhere that Shelly dropped out because of some deadline for re-election.

Geminisunmars January 10, 2012 at 12:04 pm

Perry thinks "By-gum, if that Tebow brat has g-d's endorsement, I should stick it out to the 4th quarter, or even OT."

fartknocker January 10, 2012 at 9:34 am

Because of Anita Perry's burning bush and Jesus told Rick to run. More realistically is that Rick is spending every dime he collects because when he returns to Austin, he knows more voters now finally understand how stupid and unintelligent of man he is. How this plays in the elections isn't known but he knows he has no credability.

Ann Richards and Molly Ivins are laughing right now.

An_Outhouse January 10, 2012 at 10:53 am

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

SayItWithWookies January 10, 2012 at 11:34 am

The media isn't taking any chances — they'd written off Santorum weeks ago and then Iowa happened. The GOP nom process is like a box of chocolates from your great aunt — you never know what horrible crap is gonna come up.

DahBoner January 10, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Why is Perry?

Because his rich backers have more money than sense.

Any other questions?

GOPCrusher January 10, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Rick Perry ain't got sense enough to pour piss out of a boot with the instructions written on the bottom.

vulpes82 January 10, 2012 at 8:57 am

God, I can't wait until we can go back to totally ignored New Hampshire and its crazy hill people again.

Terry January 10, 2012 at 9:17 am

At least the New Hampshireans have the candidates talking about the economy for the most part, unlike the Iowans.

neiltheblaze January 10, 2012 at 10:26 am

In their place we'll be focused on the crazy hill people of South Carolina.

vulpes82 January 10, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Cornholers!

freakishlywrong January 10, 2012 at 8:58 am

Anyone else enjoying hateful, pernicious, hypercritical wingnut on wingtard violence?

Negropolis January 10, 2012 at 9:01 am

You know, I must admit, I'd totally be lying if I told you that my schaden hadn't been freuded a few times over the last month or so. And, let me tell you, to have your schaden freuded feels oh so wrong in all the right ways.

elviouslyqueer January 10, 2012 at 10:04 am

HELL YES.

All of us, Katie, also, for good measure.

Rosie_Scenario January 10, 2012 at 10:47 am

Moar popcorn, please.

jus_wonderin January 10, 2012 at 11:05 am

Yes, lawdy, it's like sweet, sweet, peeecan pie!!!

LiveToServeYa January 10, 2012 at 11:31 am

It'd help if they all took their bats and balls and went home to sulk at the end of the primaries, never to be heard from again.

Gainsbourg69 January 10, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Who knew that Newt was a flaming communist?

vulpes82 January 10, 2012 at 12:49 pm

Tiffany's.

neiltheblaze January 10, 2012 at 12:38 pm

Oh, gawd, how I love it.

Nothingisamiss January 10, 2012 at 1:10 pm

So very, very much.

paris biltong January 10, 2012 at 9:00 am

Newt/Todd 2012.
The mistake McCain made was to pick a woman as VP. Gingrich will not repeat it.

LiveToServeYa January 10, 2012 at 9:00 am

As Dixville Notch goes, so goes the nation.

Tundra Grifter January 10, 2012 at 11:20 am

Notcherally.

Dr Ozark Hellbender January 10, 2012 at 9:02 am

Dixville Nachos are terkin arr jerrbs!!!!!!!

Fare la Volpe January 10, 2012 at 9:04 am

One vote? This is good news for Ron Paul!

ManchuCandidate January 10, 2012 at 9:05 am

Curley = Newt (fat oblivious and hours of unintentional hilarity)
Larry = Mittens (who is abused by everyone)
Curly Joe = Huntsman (no one likes Curly Joe)
Mean Old Man who gets pied in the end = Ron Paul
Bitchy Old Lady who gets pied the end = Bachmann
Extra who slips and falls on his head = Santorum
Moe = There is one in the current GOPer lineup as smart as Moe… Maybe Obama?

KenLayIsAlive January 10, 2012 at 10:21 am

What, no Shemp?

ManchuCandidate January 10, 2012 at 10:58 am

Perry could fit… but even Shemp's too smart for Perry.

Biff January 10, 2012 at 10:41 am

NO Moebama!

BaldarTFlagass January 10, 2012 at 9:07 am

Apparently no one has seen fit to let those three Republican residents of Dixville Notch know that President Obama is blah/urban/near.

Terry January 10, 2012 at 9:19 am

Now that I think about it, maybe Obama should have run in both the Democratic and Republican primaries. If he won both nominations, we could have saved ourselves a whole lot of drama when the general election comes around.

BaldarTFlagass January 10, 2012 at 9:35 am

One unfortunate by-product of your scenario, however, would be the dearth of snark fodder for us to feed upon here.

KenLayIsAlive January 10, 2012 at 10:21 am

And about $4 Billion or so.

not that Dewey January 10, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Haven't you heard? "Plives" is the new "blah/urban/near".

deanbooth January 10, 2012 at 9:07 am

It's "renowned snowmachiner," not "renowned snowmobiler." Have you learned nothing?!

slithytoves January 10, 2012 at 9:09 am

In what is widely regarded as a statistically precise sample of national voter sentiment, the President secured a resounding one-third of support in a crowded field

Great! Can we be finished now, please?

Fare la Volpe January 10, 2012 at 9:12 am

Nope. The Election been renewed through 2 more seasons and a reunion show on Bravo.

hollywooddood January 10, 2012 at 9:11 am

Todd Palin is okay, but I'm waiting to see who Joe the Plumber endorses before I decide. And maybe Kim Kardashian.

Negropolis January 10, 2012 at 9:14 am

Did you miss the vaunted Kelly Clarkson endorsement? I mean, game over, dude. You don't need to know anything else.

johnnyzhivago January 10, 2012 at 9:20 am

I'm waiting for the Charles Manson endorsement

SorosBot January 10, 2012 at 9:24 am

Now who is Ruben Studdard going to endorse? Or whatever forgotten nonentities won the later Idol karaoke contests?

Negropolis January 10, 2012 at 9:33 am

Now who is Ruben Studdard going to endorse?

Why, Chris Christie, of course, a man after his own (enlarged) heart.

jus_wonderin January 10, 2012 at 12:10 pm

Didn't he captain the Love Boat??

Biff January 10, 2012 at 10:45 am

I was perfectly happy not knowing who the fuck she was, until SNL defiled my airwaves with her last week. Not what I thought, actually much worse than I thought. And the same people who voted for her on whatever lame-assed "talent" show she won will be the ones electing our president. And THAT scares the fuck out of me.

SorosBot January 10, 2012 at 10:51 am

And she's the most successful person to come off that stupid show, which shows you how little talent the other winners have.

Tundra Grifter January 10, 2012 at 11:22 am

I'm waiting to hear from Paris Hilton.

Not about an endorsement. I just want her to call me.

freakishlywrong January 10, 2012 at 9:30 am

Kim the Kardashian will endorse what ever asshole promises her, and her inexplicably wealthy family, the biggest tax cut.

hollywooddood January 10, 2012 at 9:54 am

I know, right? Where's my tax cut?

KenLayIsAlive January 10, 2012 at 10:22 am

Are you already incredibly rich so that it will mean practically nothing to you?

hollywooddood January 10, 2012 at 11:14 am

No, but I could win the lottery someday. So shut up, moran!

SorosBot January 10, 2012 at 9:16 am

"Gingrich has already produced what amounts to the Thin Red Line of campaign advertisements"

So wait, is it long, boring and makes no sense whatsoever, but beautifully shot and so critics will gush over it and ignore how bad it really is, and even call it the best campaign ad of the year despite it being a horrid piece of shit like they all did with Malick's latest crapfest The Tree of Life last year?

ManchuCandidate January 10, 2012 at 9:18 am

Yes.

Fare la Volpe January 10, 2012 at 9:18 am

Not that you're bitter or anything.

Negropolis January 10, 2012 at 9:20 am

Who cares if it's crap on the substance? Who is more deserving to be destroyed by, and smeared liberally with, crap than a one Willard Mitt Romney? Hell, if Newt physically poured a bucket of pigshit on Mitt's head Carrie-style, I'd praise it as high art.

Mumbletypeg January 10, 2012 at 9:34 am

despite it being a horrid piece of shit

Oh this made me laugh. How that movie struck a chord with some and tanked with others. One friend of mine, he went back to watch it I forget how many times — the # was in the teens.. Granted, he was of the temperament who was 'off his meds' without having ever taken any. I guess he persuaded me to find something to like in it, b/c I own it on VHS and usually upon viewing again now & then still find *something* worthwhile along the meditative, Victor Nuñez-style appeal its linked cross-sections of character studies brings.

MissTaken January 10, 2012 at 11:51 am

I saw it twice. The second time because I figured I must've been really high or drunk because I couldn't figure out the appeal the first time I saw it. Turns out I was completely sober both times and it was just a horrid piece of shit.

Mumbletypeg January 10, 2012 at 11:59 am

Well as a fan, to you I say: Git off mah Thin Red Lawn!1!"

Dr Ozark Hellbender January 10, 2012 at 9:45 am

I'd far rather see the "Thin Blue Line" of campaign ads–especially if it got Rick Perry to admit murdering an innocent man in Texas…

Chichikovovich January 10, 2012 at 10:45 am

But I think I'll skip the anti-Santorum ad "The Thin Brown Line".

SayItWithWookies January 10, 2012 at 11:39 am

I just hope there's a languid shot of six-foot high sawgrass waving in the breeze while the blond narrator says in a drawl, "Why is campaigning so strange and terrifying?"

Texan_Bulldog January 10, 2012 at 9:19 am

Dixville Notch? Still can't beat Ni**erhead Ranch.

Negropolis January 10, 2012 at 9:24 am

Yeah, Cracker Barrel Farms just doesn't have the same ring to it, nor does Rancho Gringo Blanco.

GorzoTheMighty January 10, 2012 at 9:21 am

Dixville Notch? I thought that was in West Virginia. You know, next to Hooterville.

Chichikovovich January 10, 2012 at 10:47 am

Yeah, right next to Bug Tussle. Where they play checkers …..for money.

johnnyzhivago January 10, 2012 at 9:21 am

Newt targeting predatory capitalism is like Hitler going after anti semites.

GOPCrusher January 10, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Seems kind of silly, especially when you see his ads touting him as the architect of Reaganomics.

BigDumbRedDog January 10, 2012 at 9:24 am

Today we are all Dixville Notches. Notchi? Notchites? Notchians. I'm gonna go with Dixville Notchians.

AddHomonym January 10, 2012 at 10:52 am

Dixville Notchos, obvs.

nedbeaumontjr January 10, 2012 at 11:43 am

Snotchos.

spends2much January 10, 2012 at 11:51 am

I dunno, that sounds sort of, Mexicanish…

SayItWithWookies January 10, 2012 at 11:41 am

Dixwegians?

Geminisunmars January 10, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Buenos Notches?

Goonemeritus January 10, 2012 at 9:32 am

Thanks Newt for the opposition research I’m sure it will come in handy for Obama later this year. Of course by then you will be swaddled in your “Forever Lazy” crying into a half eaten tub of Ben and Jerry’s.

paris biltong January 10, 2012 at 9:34 am

Word has it that Romney is releasing a 30-minute commercial on the evils of gambling.

Mumbletypeg January 10, 2012 at 9:37 am

You know who else received a "big boost" for their "flagging… somethin' or other…." – - ?

Fare la Volpe January 10, 2012 at 9:38 am

Kim Kardashian?

Geminisunmars January 10, 2012 at 12:17 pm

I think she already owned a "big boost".

SorosBot January 10, 2012 at 9:56 am

Bob Dole?

chicken_thief January 10, 2012 at 10:08 am

Jerry Sandusky? Oh, wait…. I thought it said "boot"

KenLayIsAlive January 10, 2012 at 10:24 am

Bob Dole?

Chichikovovich January 10, 2012 at 10:48 am

Ira Hayes?

Geminisunmars January 10, 2012 at 12:19 pm

Good grief, that is so clever I can hardly upfist you enough.

ifthethunderdontgetya January 10, 2012 at 9:50 am

John Wayne Bobbit?
~

mayor_quimby January 10, 2012 at 9:50 am

Hey, if you are by chance located in Israel, a You Know Who Else joke could cost you.

New bill in #Israel would make it a crime to compare people to Nazis: wapo.st/zUzZWC

We are all gonna be under the fuckin jail.

ifthethunderdontgetya January 10, 2012 at 9:51 am

What are they gonna do, sic the S.S. on us?
~

SorosBot January 10, 2012 at 9:55 am

Ah, that would be great; think of Rush, Beck, in fact all of the Fox "News" staff being in jail.

bikerlaureate January 10, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Plus there would be only one or two GOP candidates left unjailed…

Chichikovovich January 10, 2012 at 10:50 am

Well, that would be the last time Glenn Beck visits Israel. He'll be lucky if he doesn't get Adolf Eichmann'ed to stand trial some night when he least expects it.

[Oh, oh. Does this post count?]

paris biltong January 10, 2012 at 11:14 am

It's called the Goodwin Act.

chicken_thief January 10, 2012 at 11:20 am

I'm sure that the Republicans will introduce a similar bill in the US banning comparisons to Kenyan Muslin Marxist Fascists. A-n-y day now….

ttommyunger January 10, 2012 at 12:04 pm

Your move, Congress.

Guppy January 10, 2012 at 9:51 am

Wait… so Newt is running ads about how awesome Mitt is at capitalism? How is this supposed to help Newt in a Republican primary?

Chichikovovich January 10, 2012 at 11:34 am

Yeah. Newt's media people made several serious miscalculations in the current ad buy. He also has an ad suggesting that Mitt was delighted to hear about someone dying from lack of health insurance and disrespected the service of a gay soldier in Iraq. Talk about failing to know your audience.

elviouslyqueer January 10, 2012 at 9:54 am

Shorter Dixville Notch voters: Rick who?

DaRooster January 10, 2012 at 10:43 am

"I noticed a bunch of Dicks…"

weejee January 10, 2012 at 9:58 am

So this erection day in NH the Rethuglican's will be selecting their biggest dick? Pass the Viagra please, I just can't get up for this one. Going back to my old avatar, sigh…

elviouslyqueer January 10, 2012 at 10:01 am

Asked about his New Hampshire prospects, Santorum said, "In my dreams, second place. Given the fact that we're not running any media up here and that we've only just spent five days in the last month here campaigning, you know second place would be a dream come true.

Oh bless your heart, Rick. You're finally embracing what it means to be number two.

ttommyunger January 10, 2012 at 12:05 pm

Also in his dreams: getting butt-fucked by George Clooney, but that's another story.

chicken_thief January 10, 2012 at 10:10 am

"…the high-profile endorsement of renowned snowmobiler and former 1/2-term First Gentlemen of Alaska Todd Palin."

I, for one, am glad to see Tawd is taking a little time out from the hookers to follow current events.

KenLayIsAlive January 10, 2012 at 10:26 am

To be fair, he gets most of his current events news from his discussions with hookers.

Chillwillard January 10, 2012 at 10:18 am

On the Republican side, Mitt Romney and Jon Huntsman tied, with two votes each. Newt Gingrich and Ron Paul each got one vote. President Obama received his very first live votes of confidence — three of them.

Fucking landslide.

bikerlaureate January 10, 2012 at 12:20 pm

That's one of them newfangled mandates, alright.

freddymcmurray January 10, 2012 at 10:18 am

Naturally, two thirds of Dicks-ville vote Republican.

BaldarTFlagass January 10, 2012 at 10:22 am

Does NH have open primaries? I'd find it a lot easier to believe that three Dems somehow snuck in and voted for Barry, than to believe that 33% of registered Republicans voted for him.

Indiepalin January 10, 2012 at 10:23 am

I'm not jumping to conclusions just yet. I'm waiting for the game-changing results from Bug Tussle before I make up my mind.

spinozasgod January 10, 2012 at 11:52 am

I'm wating to see how things are going at the Junction….Petticoat Junction……

Indiepalin January 10, 2012 at 12:13 pm

Don't forget that Pixley has always been considered a bellweather community.

jus_wonderin January 10, 2012 at 12:20 pm

Lotta curves, I bet.

neiltheblaze January 10, 2012 at 10:32 am

I have to say it's a lot of fun to watch the Citizens United ruling punching the snot out of Republicans first. First the pro-Mittens groups flattening Newt, and now Newt's minions with their "film". There's a piquant karmic quality about it all.

Gainsbourg69 January 10, 2012 at 12:41 pm

It's even more fun watching republican peasants moan about the establishment picking their candidate.

not that Dewey January 10, 2012 at 10:35 am

I love this, this is what America is all about. Like you said, no hanging chads, we didn’t see any black panthers with baseball bats. These were good, American folks going to do their patriotic duty and I think it’s fantastic, Dixville Notch is just a great little place.

-Todd Starnes, on Sheer Insanity

And yet Obama still won.

SorosBot January 10, 2012 at 10:37 am

Psst, Todd, read the Fox manual again; you're supposed to couch your racism in code words, not express it openly.

DahBoner January 10, 2012 at 11:47 am

These are good, American White folks…

Fixed!

not that Dewey January 10, 2012 at 11:53 am

You know, morons.

widestanceshakedown January 10, 2012 at 12:05 pm

Is there some deity I might pray to, to ask that this ass-faced asshead is never ever put in front of a camera again?

not that Dewey January 10, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Yes, but that deity will be just as imaginary as the threat of black panthers with baseball bats at voting booths.

widestanceshakedown January 10, 2012 at 12:46 pm

Alas, I know this to be true, but that face is enough to cause an outbreak of faith. Thanks for keeping me real.

not that Dewey January 10, 2012 at 1:08 pm

The face kind of reminds me of the Thumb People from the awesome Robert Rodriguez family thriller Spy Kids.

donner_froh January 10, 2012 at 10:38 am

Even if Romney's "firing people" line was taken out of context, guess what: There is no context in a Presidential campaign. Everyone but Romney knows that.

Chichikovovich January 10, 2012 at 10:59 am

Somebody will have to help me out, 'cause I'm too pressed with a deadline to look it up (my posting rate is down to a mere 59 per hour and dropping. This is serious!) Didn't the Romney people run a preposterously out of context ad a month or so ago, where Obama said something like "Absolutely, under no circumstances am I suggesting we should do x. That would be crazy. Nobody in their right mind could support that." and then the Romney people clipped the footage to Obama saying "we should do x"? And when the Obama people pointed out how stupid that was, Romney's response was basically – all's fair in politics, baby! I was wondering how long it would take for that to come back and bit them on the ass.

paris biltong January 10, 2012 at 11:18 am

The chicken coming home to hoist them by their own petard.

Chichikovovich January 10, 2012 at 11:26 am

Yep. Romney's people really threw the baby out with the frying pan there.

bikerlaureate January 10, 2012 at 12:23 pm

"Petard" is Moroni'ian for "chicken".

Geminisunmars January 10, 2012 at 12:27 pm

As in "keep fucking that Petard"?

chicken_thief January 10, 2012 at 11:23 am

In a word: yes. Karma is an ugly sonofbitch sometimes.

SorosBot January 10, 2012 at 11:30 am

Instant karma went and got Mitt; gone and smacked him right in the face.

chicken_thief January 10, 2012 at 12:06 pm

It was going to go for a kick to his nuts, but then realized….

SayItWithWookies January 10, 2012 at 11:51 am

It was Obama saying "If we talk about the economy, we're going to lose the election." But the context was candidate Obama quoting John McCain saying that in 2008 about what the Republicans had done to the economy.

edit: here's a story on the ad: http://thinkprogress.org/politics/2011/11/21/3741

Chichikovovich January 10, 2012 at 12:04 pm

Oh, yeah. That's right. Thanx much.—

DaRooster January 10, 2012 at 11:05 am

Do not let that pathological liar John Lovitz count the votes…

Chichikovovich January 10, 2012 at 11:24 am

a South Carolina ad-buy targeting Mitt Romney’s predatory capitalism,

I think the latest Luntz instructions are to call that "predatory job creationism".

[Which in this case would even be extremely fitting, since the few jobs that Bain created, amidst all the job destruction, were jobs like bankrupcy specialists, security guards charged with walking people off site after firing, lawyers and accountants who figured out how to loot pension funds legally (or at least close enough to legally that no prosecutor would go after them), public relations people to put a happy face on the closing,.... Y'know: predatory jobs.]

paris biltong January 10, 2012 at 11:40 am

And if not predatory, then at least parasitical, like the jobs created by say, drug cartels or – possibly – the armed forces. And for Gingrich's information, the gambling industry.

Biff January 10, 2012 at 12:07 pm

I prefer the term "vulture capitalism".

BaldarTFlagass January 10, 2012 at 12:30 pm

"predatory job creationism"

Does this imply "intelligent design" in the charter of Bain Capital?

Fawkdifiknow January 10, 2012 at 11:25 am

I like it that Rick Perry stays on the ballots in these primaries. Everyone should have the opportunity to not vote for him. Especially when you get no pleasure voting for someone else, either, it's some consolation to know that Perry is being humiliated like he should be.

Dudleydidwrong January 10, 2012 at 11:26 am

Then there's this: http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statement

where Mittens said Obama hired thousands of "bureaucrats" but most of the new hires were in the areas of care for wounded veterans, border security and anti-terrorism. Bureaucrats, Mittens, you ass-wipe extraordinaire? Since you like to fire people, when you are installed in the Mormon temple at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave you can fire all those folks and really get your jollies.

spinozasgod January 10, 2012 at 11:27 am

Dixville Notch is the garden of NH because, according to Fox News, it doesn't have any Black Panthers…….I am assuming Fox is refering to the feline.

Guppy January 10, 2012 at 11:45 am

i can has ballot access?

ttommyunger January 10, 2012 at 12:09 pm

It has no black anything; even ballpoints are required to have only blue ink there.

prommie January 10, 2012 at 11:35 am

Its about time there is an emoticon of good news for Obama.

SorosBot January 10, 2012 at 11:37 am

Megan "boobs" McCain, is that you?

MissTaken January 10, 2012 at 11:52 am

Privacy makes me :)

Nothingisamiss January 10, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Megs!

BaldarTFlagass January 10, 2012 at 11:40 am

Guess we're going back to two-a-days here at Wonkette.

(Every time I post something whiney about the slowness of the posts here, someone puts a new one up, so here's hoping)

SorosBot January 10, 2012 at 12:13 pm

Maybe our overlords are saving themselves up for New Hampshire liveblogging tonight?

Geminisunmars January 10, 2012 at 12:45 pm

You mean they've started drinking already?

not that Dewey January 10, 2012 at 1:08 pm

You probably light cigarettes at bus stops, don't you?

DahBoner January 10, 2012 at 11:43 am

Obama beat Charm Coffin?

KenLayIsAlive January 10, 2012 at 11:48 am

Where is Barb? If that cheap punk from yesterday made her feel bad and she's not posting today, there's going to be no upfists for that guy, ever. Just constant flame war. Like he is literally the santorum soaked son of Spanky2b and James O'Keefe posting comments defending Andrew Brietbart's dry humping of Riley Wags.

SorosBot January 10, 2012 at 11:56 am

I doubt that lone asshat troll could scare off our Barb; he does make me wish we could still downfist a bit though.

jus_wonderin January 10, 2012 at 12:23 pm

I was gone. Which posting was this happening in???

SorosBot January 10, 2012 at 12:32 pm

The one on the Georgia school's racially inappropriate math questions; it's just one comment from the troll.

Nothingisamiss January 10, 2012 at 1:27 pm

I haven't yet seen it, but fuck that troll.

Chichikovovich January 10, 2012 at 11:53 am

Oh, and no snark for a moment: In all the mocking of the Romney "gaffe" (= moment where he let the mask slip), there is a more basic point that is just run by. Romney's surface point/claim was that it is a problem with the Obama health care bill that it doesn't allow for competition among health insurers. In fact, it does allow competition among health insurers. That is one of the cornerstones of the plan. And Romney knows this because: It is Romney's fucking plan. Obama's plan doesn't tell you which doctor to go to (except indirectly, in that insurers may do this, as they did before Obama's plan). Romney knows this because:It is Romney's fucking plan. Obama's health care plan does not get the government involved in any way in specific decisions about patient care. Romney knows this because: It is Romney's fucking plan. Romney going on and on about all the things in Obama's plan he would change is fundamentally dishonest because: It is Romney's fucking plan.

Is it too much to ask to have one – just one – journalist from the dreadèd ferocious "liberal media" point this out whenever Romney says stuff like this?

natoslug January 10, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Pointing that out would be class warfare, so yes, it is too much to ask.

chicken_thief January 10, 2012 at 12:10 pm

And Romey's fucking plan was to the right of Nixon's fucking plan from 40 yrs ago.

SexySmurf January 10, 2012 at 11:54 am

O/T Snowbilly is going to appear on Larry the Cable Guy's show tomorrow. Oh how the mighty have fallen (I'm referring to Larry the Cable Guy, here).

freakishlywrong January 10, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Larry the Cable Guy has a show? Good heavens, why?

SexySmurf January 10, 2012 at 12:16 pm

If you think that's bad, it's on the "History" Channel.

Chichikovovich January 10, 2012 at 12:18 pm

I don't see a problem with that. Most of LCG's jokes were already considered worn out in the early days of vaudeville.

BaldarTFlagass January 10, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Maybe Larry will show her his Tow Mater.

chicken_thief January 10, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Larry the Cable Guy has a show?!

***must "refresh" before posting…. must "refresh" before posting…***

prommie January 10, 2012 at 12:05 pm

Finally, an appropriate venue! They can say "Git'er done" at each other, and much hilarity will ensue!

Generation[redacted] January 10, 2012 at 12:08 pm

Yes, Larry the Cable Guy has a show, and for the first time it will have something we can laugh at.

widestanceshakedown January 10, 2012 at 12:11 pm

Once Ailes is done with you, you are done, done and done. She's bound for glory–holes, that is.

That said, I'm so sick of hearing Newt's voice, or whatever that sound he makes is, I could almost use a Palin screech to clear my mind.

chicken_thief January 10, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Newt's newt voice doesn't bother me as much as Mitt's hurried, COPD-ish babble. He reminds me of a little kid, hanging around with the adults for the first time, who thinks of a joke and rushes to spit it out before the conversation moves on and the moment is lost.

BaldarTFlagass January 10, 2012 at 12:24 pm

"who thinks of a joke and rushes to spit it out before the conversation moves on and the moment is lost."

Kinda reminds me of me, posting here.

Chichikovovich January 10, 2012 at 12:11 pm

If it weren't for Jim Varney's untimely passing, LCG could have invited him to do that wacky, zany, laff-a-minute Ernest character. But he's stuck with the grifter of the midnight sun instead.

Profound, really. A moment like this really makes you reflect on the many unexpected ways that death touches us all.

Generation[redacted] January 10, 2012 at 12:41 pm

She can't sing opera either. Sigh…

Biff January 10, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Larry who?

YasserArraFeck January 10, 2012 at 12:09 pm

"shot in the arm"……Fuck, where's Cheney when we really need him?!

ttommyunger January 10, 2012 at 12:13 pm

Oh Tawd, you've spent too much time in Mama Bear's Honeypot. The crotch-rot has moved to your brain and now you apparently think someone gives a flying fuck what you say or do. Time to take a long "Snow Machine" ride off a short iceberg, sparky.

Dashboard Buddha January 10, 2012 at 12:14 pm

OT somewhat: Is it selfish of me to want the GOP to have a grueling, cash wasting, bloodletting of a primary season?

SorosBot January 10, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Not at all; hell I'm hoping for the almost impossible dream ending: no one makes it to 50% and we get a brokered convention.

Dashboard Buddha January 10, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Oh man…that would be AWESOME! Sort of like a '68 democratic convention but with walkers, hoverrounds, poorly spelled signs, colonial garb, and racism.

SorosBot January 10, 2012 at 12:30 pm

Then, as in 68, they could give the nomination to someone who didn't run in a single primary. Oh my, this could lead to a nomination for the quitter…

YasserArraFeck January 10, 2012 at 2:05 pm

ohmygodohmygodohmygod….please make it so……

MissTaken January 10, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Hell no.

Geminisunmars January 10, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Totally selfish. Next thing we know you'll be registering as a Republican.

Dashboard Buddha January 10, 2012 at 12:47 pm

If I didn't love you so much, I'd say them were fightin' words.

Geminisunmars January 10, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Apparently you have returned to your loving senses, so I take it back. Hope you will forgive me for saying (writing) such a dastardly thing.

Dashboard Buddha January 10, 2012 at 1:40 pm

For you dollface? Anything.

jus_wonderin January 10, 2012 at 12:15 pm

“Forever Lazy”

I got one of those sort of as a gag for Christmas. He does wear it (around the house only).

Another friend, upon seeing the commercial where dudes wear the FL to a football games said, "Yeah, they do that and they'd get the shit stompled out of them."

MissTaken January 10, 2012 at 12:18 pm

GOP Primary DEATHMATCH!!

TUESDAY! TUESDAY! TUESDAY!

Who will SURVIVE?
ROMBOT, SHITFROTH, or Newt.

Limeylizzie January 10, 2012 at 12:21 pm

I love you for Shitfroth.

Blueb4sunrise January 10, 2012 at 12:36 pm

I love you for I love you for shitfroth.

SorosBot January 10, 2012 at 12:21 pm

So you don't think people will catch the Huntsmania?

MissTaken January 10, 2012 at 12:26 pm

Oh they'll catch it, but antibiotics work quickly so I don't think it will last.

Huevos Ocupados January 10, 2012 at 12:24 pm

To be fair Obama IS the best Republican in the race.

Tundra Grifter January 10, 2012 at 1:17 pm

I read the linked article, and the "college football championship game" was just about as interesting as Ole Newt's campaign.

gurukalehuru January 10, 2012 at 2:55 pm

In a community with precisely 9 registered voters, I'm guessing every one of them knows who voted for Ron Paul.
It's like when there's only two people in an elevator, and one of them farts.

lochnessmonster January 10, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Because they always pick the winner and that is Obama, can we do away with the rest of the nonsense?

spends2much January 10, 2012 at 11:49 am

That's practically the GOP pitch to the poors: "Hey there, catfood eater, you might hit the poweball one day, and you don't want the guvmint to take all yer winnings, do ya??"

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