Celebrity life is hard.

Remember how Ron Paul has been shuffling around complaining, for decades, about the newz media always ignoring his presidential campaigns to death? Those were the days! Now he is complaining that they are MOBBING his campaign, also to death, because of an actual mob of journalists who chased after him into a New Hampshire diner and then victoriously announced they had him surrounded, to prevent him from hanging out with voters, or something. Why can’t they just be obsessively attentive in peace?

From The Hill:

Barely able to move through the restaurant as hundreds of journalists and videographers surrounded him on all sides, Paul ignored the questions being lobbed at him and slowly inched through the restaurant, offering a few autographs to supporters along the way.

“Guys, you’ve got to take it easy,” shouted one Paul staffer, imploring the media to give the congressman some space.

No such luck.

“Ron Paul: We have you surrounded. We are the media,” sounded the voice from a megaphone as Paul staffers ushered him into a waiting SUV, just minutes after he arrived at the restaurant.

So who was the cocky goon with the megaphone, probably Wolf Blitzer?

Holding the megaphone was a man dressed roughly as a wizard, with shaggy hair and tousled beard, wearing a massive black boot upside down on his head.

Yeah, Wolf Blitzer.

(UPDATE: Just kidding, maybe? The screaming wizard might also be real American hero and presidential candidate Vermin Supreme, who will be leading in the polls next week. SAME DIFFERENCE.)

Anyway, then some dingbat from CNN asked Ron Paul in an interview afterward why he loathes New Hampshire voters so much that his hatred would cause him (?) to flee a suffocating crush of reporters, to which Paul responded by wandering away in disgust:

Hooray, so that happened! Ron Paul also reiterated his pledges to dismantle the Department of Education and to withdraw the U.S. from the United Nations today, but… meh. [The Hill/ The Caucus blog]

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  • I think the wizard referred to herein is one Vermin Supreme, an, um, "alternative" candidate for Preznit. I'd vote for him over MittBot 9000.

    • not that Dewey

      Only through Vermin Supreme's dilligent campaigning over the years have certain questions and issues of policy come to the foreground, specifically…

      Dental Hygiene Law
      Flying Monkey Public Safety Assurance Program
      Time Travel Research Funding

      Yup. He's got my vote.

      • Negropolis

        He had me at "Flying Monkey".

      • CthuNHu

        You forgot his "Pony for every American" program.

        (Note: Everyone will be required to have his/her pony with him/her at all times.)

      • CthuNHu

        Seriously, though, the media mob was ridiculous/hilarious. Check this out.

        And for your full Vermin Supreme stump speech, here ya go:

        • not that Dewey

          If Vermin Supreme didn't exist, it would be necessary to invent him.

    • The mob is chasing me! They are chasing…no I mean literally! THEY ARE…HOLY SHIT! Throwing bricks! Hey…Hey! I can see a gun…OH My!

      We can't get out! We can't get out! They are coming!

    • Dr Ozark Hellbender

      Thank god–this could be the right candidate to pick up the "End Traffic-Stop Slavery" torch dropped by Basil Marceaux.

      Or any other bright shiny objects in his path.

    • But what is his position on the rent being TOO DAMN HIGH?

      • not that Dewey

        Apparently, he's in favor of it.

        EDIT: Sorry. I thought you said "what is his position on being TOO DAMN HIGH?"

  • anniegetyerfun

    I have a drastically different definition of what constitutes a "pin-up" than libertarians, apparently.

    • SorosBot

      As I mentioned on the post on the Pin-Ups for Paul site, the redhead looks good and um, yeah just her.

      • anniegetyerfun

        I have to be honest, even she's a touch on the horsey side for me.

        • flamingpdog

          Man-on-horse = Santorum with hooves??

    • coolhandnuke

      Instead of the Mayflower Madam, is Ron Paul the Mayflower Madman?

      • Negropolis

        Madman Ted Nugent libel!

        • flamingpdog

          Or is it really Madam Ted Nugent? Inquiring minds want to know!

          OK, not really, thanks anyway.

      • It's tough out there for Ron Pimp.

    • Guppy

      They got the models they could afford to pay.

      Bask in the free-market capitalism!

      • Nostrildamus

        You go into a campaign with the models you can afford, not the models you'd like to be able to afford.

      • They did not photocopy old National Geographic pictures.

    • Negropolis

      This thread is perfect for a The Maury Show "That's a man, baby!" ethnic hoot and holler.

    • Yeah, I prefer my pin ups to not have penises or even look like they might have penises myself. But to each their own.

  • urbpan

    Poor Ron Paul had a harrowing brush with Vermin Supreme!

  • Barb

    Diners, Drive-ins and Dives For Cover! Poor Ron Paul.

    • flamingpdog

      I can sympathize. I've been to a lot of dives with a cover charge in my time.

  • AlterNewt

    " …a man dressed roughly as a wizard, with shaggy hair and tousled beard, wearing a massive black boot upside down on his head."

    So, Phish is back together?

  • GuanoFaucet

    You shall not pass!

    • noodlesalad

      Paultard Hobbits really are amazing creatures. You can learn all about their ways in a month, and yet after a hundred primaries they can still surprise you, with stupidity.

    • Steverino247

      Well, we already know they have a cave troll named Christie…

    • MosesInvests

      Meddle not in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger.

    • Bonzos_Bed_Time

      Gandalf the Gay.

    • Nostrildamus

      Not really a great motto for a restaurant.

    • SorosBot

      You got that wrong; the line is You! Shall not! Pass!

  • JackObin

    This is not a country, it is a carnival freak show.

    • Who is that lady in your picture?

      • flamingpdog

        That's no lady, that's my WIFE!

        (I wish.)

  • SorosBot

    Poor Ron; fist the media says he might be racist just because he used to write a bunch of racist articles in his racist newsletter, now they want to ask him questions.

    • DarwinianDemon

      How is Ron Paul responsible for the Ron Paul Newsletter?? Hrumph!

      • SorosBot

        That's true; how dare I suggest that he wrote those articles just because his name was on them, they included a bunch of "I" statements and he claimed authorship at the time when now he's claimed someone else wrote them, and he published the articles under his name without even reading them, without providing any evidence or giving any indication who really wrote them if he didn't..

        • Fare la Volpe

          That kind of cynical pass-the-buckmanship is why I know he'd be great in the White House.

          Ron Paul / Irresponsibility 2012!

          • Biff

            Plausible deniability is a positive trait in a POTUS.

        • And every time his Press Secretary has a press conference, he'll deny it ever happened?

        • lnardozi

          Because of course it's utterly impossible for one person to write something for another person's magazine… like…. I'm… doing… now.

          When I look at the level of proof required to convince anyone of anything I understand deficit spending perfectly.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Does this constitute a White Person Problem? I can't really tell.

      • SorosBot

        It's a Cranky Old White Bigot Problem I think.

        • anniegetyerfun

          Oh, well, that's a subcategory.

        • Radiotherapy

          It's DOCTOR Cranky Old White Bigot to you.

    • Dr Ozark Hellbender

      Incidentally, "Fist the Media" is my favorite Sunday morning chat show.

      • flamingpdog

        Gay pron, if I remember correctly, with "media" = "lube".

    • GeneralTapioca

      The Paulestinians are out in force in comment sections decrying the shameless media horde, which was probably part of the NWO's plan to keep Paul from reaching the voters. (Actual comment).

      Three weeks ago, they were spitting mad the media wouldn't cover the guy. Maybe the last porridge will be juuuust right.

  • It's almost like he needs some sort of lighter than air vehicle to escape the attentions of the US America Morans of the media.

    • C_R_Eature

      Sort of, like, The Blimp perhaps?

  • GuanoFaucet

    Questions are theft.

    • emmelemm

      And cameras steal your soul?

    • I thought property was theft.

      • Dr Ozark Hellbender

        Property is the Holy of Holies. Taxation is theft.

        Left is right, up is down, Freedom is Slavery, Ignorance is Strength, and RON PAUL IS AMERICA!!!!!!


  • chascates

    And where is Sascha Baron Cohen when you need him?

    • Mahousu

      He's been playing a parody fundamentalist character named "Rick Santorum" lately. Funny, but I don't think it's his best work.

      Earlier, he was doing this wacky guy called "Herman Cain." Completely over-the-top, but everyone he meets just tries and pretends like nothing's out of the ordinary.

    • There's a little bit of Sascha Baron Cohen in all of them.

  • Ron's Paul's Libertarian vision of America would completely go to shit due to actual Ron Paul supporters.

    • Dr Ozark Hellbender

      Libertarianism is a system that can work, given perfectly spherical humans.

      • Negropolis

        Well, then, we are well on our way as obese Americans.

    • As I have often said, Paultards are abrasive asses simply to be so often enough that if they had any common sense, they would dread folks enacting some "rational self interest".

    • Ran into a group of student at an Indian Restaurant where I was hoping to have a quiet dinner with my husband – thought, "aw, how cute, a bunch of nerds going out to dinner together," and then one of them opened his mouth and I knew they were Paultards. My husband was like, "how do you know they're Paultards?" and I replied, "because from what they're saying they seem kind of stupid and mean-spirited." They were organizing some media event, I gathered, from their rather loud maunderings in a nearly empty restaurant.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Get off my lawn!

    • AutomaticPilot

      Move over, Walnuts! There's a new crazy geezer in town!

      • flamingpdog

        So when dose Dr. Paul endorse Barry for Prezdint?

  • noodlesalad

    Ron Paul was surprised that the yelling voices in his mind have externalized and taken human form (and whatever Wolf Blitzer is, reverse lycanthrope?).

  • That looks like the Cinemax movie cast of, "Illicit Dreams III."

    • David Duchovney is looking awful these days, huh?

  • ProgressiveInga

    R. Paul is just setting the gold standard for retail campaigning. Oh, wait…..

  • Data Exactly

    "Ron Paul: We have you surrounded. We are the media,” sounded the voice from a megaphone as Paul staffers ushered him into a waiting SUV, just minutes after he arrived at the restaurant."

    "Holding the megaphone was a man dressed roughly as a wizard, with shaggy hair and tousled beard, wearing a massive black boot upside down on his head."

    Just when you think you can trust one person – just ONE PERSON in the world… He lets you down by revealing he is part of the media conglomerate. Not the Vermin Supreme I know.

    • Dr Ozark Hellbender

      Oh, the old "No True Vermin Supreme" fallacy, eh?

  • Next stop: Nebraska Boat, Sport and Travel Show.

    • And after that the Tucson Gem and Gun Show.

  • Steverino247

    Yeah, like withdrawing from the League of Nations worked our really well. I guess too much enlightened self interest is a bad thing, eh?

    • Banelm

      No no never! Not enough if anything! We should have withdrawn from the League, then invaded France First!

  • Come here a minute

    … a man dressed roughly as a wizard, with shaggy hair …

    We were wondering whatever happened to Riley Waggs.

  • Junk questions for a junk candidate.

    • Don't touch my junk candidate!

      • user-of-owls

        Don't junk my touch candidate!

        Paid for by Women For Cain.

    • Useless withered junk candidate.
      I'm just gonna go ahead and dredge up all the "junk" jokes we've done since 2009.

  • Grumpiest Old Man.

    • Negropolis

      …or Grumpiest Old Man Evah?

    • flamingpdog

      Walter Matthau LIBEL!!1!

  • Radiotherapy

    So much for Isolationism.

  • PuckStopsHere

    Why would anyone want to ask Ron Paul a question? Wouldn't you be just as well off to put the same inquiry–no matter what it might be–to Larry the cable guy?

    • C_R_Eature

      Naw. Zippy the Pinhead would be far more entertaining. And sensible.

  • littlebigdaddy

    Needz more Depends.

  • Callyson

    “Ron Paul: We have you surrounded. We are the media,” sounded the voice from a megaphone
    Now, could the business media please do the same to Lloyd Blankfein?

    • They have him surrounded with an impenetrable veil of respect and infallibility. The business media always seems more like "The Business's Media".

  • coolhandnuke

    Paul is obviously suffering from microphone envy. Jeez, that furry bulbous wand she's wielding might even make Sir Ron Jeremy a wee cowardly.

  • What's with his eyebrows?

    • coolhandnuke

      They are not eyebrows. They are ingrown brain follicles.

    • They are staying on?

    • Negropolis

      Those aren't eyebrows. They are a rare species of carnivorous, parasitic, flesh-boring caterpillars.

  • user-of-owls

    Sunlight kills mold.

  • mavenmaven

    When he is Leader he will have "the media" put into special "camps". We will all be "Austrians" after the "Paul-schluss".

    • A crackling fire, a bottle of chardonnay, and a little Paul-schluss is how they ended up with Rand.

  • littlebigdaddy

    Is that photo a publicity poster for the forthcoming feature film "Bilbo Baggins in the land of the Trannies?"

  • user-of-owls

    I went to Vermin Supreme's website and I was totally ready to vote for the guy. But then I noticed that he misspelled 'apparatchik' and, well, I just can't support a man who would do something like that.

    • C_R_Eature

      That's a deal breaker for me, too. Misspellnnigs Suk.

    • Radiotherapy

      Trotskyight always trips me up.

      • not that Dewey

        "Decossackization" is no walk in the park.

      • user-of-owls

        I am always pissed when my spellchecker puts 'An ark? Oh! Syndicalism!' in my pamphlets.

        • Dr Ozark Hellbender

          I thought we were an anomalous corrective!

          • Radiotherapy

            My Franklin ACE 1000 (with a dial-up modem nonetheless) for some reason makes it tough to adhere to Godwin's Law. e.g You no hoo else cunt spell?
            Sorry Dok, I'm an Ursula K. Leguin fan too.

          • Dr Ozark Hellbender

            You need to upgrade to a broadband ansible.

          • Angry_Marmot

            Call for flea erections!

        • not that Dewey

          Stupid Microsoft.

  • user-of-owls

    They really should have a special exhibit at the Smithsonian that does nothing but run the "Sniff Of Disgust" at around 1:39 on an endless loop.

    It could serve as a sort of Perpetual Flame of Old Man Contempt.

    • Clint Eastwood based a movie on it, didn't he?

  • BarackMyWorld
    • Dr Ozark Hellbender

      I forget. Which one's "The Smart One" again?

    • flamingpdog

      Nice. Those 10-year-olds chasing the Beatles? Are all my age now … Time to open up another bottle of merlot.

  • In other news, there is a virtual tie between the red head and the woman on the right in the 2012 Who Would I Fuck Wildly Atop a Pile of Hay straw poll.

    • The wrinkly foreskin in the center keeps distracting me. Why did they have to include a life-sized herpetic schlong on the cover of Equestrian Weekly?

    • flamingpdog

      I rather stick with the womens that scream "Oh, God, oh God" rather than "Oh, gold, oh gold" when they orgasm.

  • BarackMyWorld

    I wonder…is there any correlation between that Ron Paul calendar photo and his position on legalizing prostitution?

    • anniegetyerfun

      I sincerely thought at first that it was one of those terrible computer renderings, like the Taiwanese animations. But I think that they might be real people. Well, as real as being 50% will allow.

  • arihaya

    RuPaul 2012

    at least she/he has a nice high heels!

  • Redhead

    NPR on the way home from work today was airing a piece about Ron Paul's endorsements.

    By Kelly Clarkson (stretching 15 minutes of American Idol fame into five years!) and some "legal prostitute" with a TV show. Just give it up man.

    • Guppy

      "some "legal prostitute" with a TV show"

      I believe the term is "TV personality."

  • PsycWench

    It was all fun and games until there was a human barrier between him and home fries.

    Oh crap, I'm thinking of Chris Christie.

    • Or Xtine O'Donnel.

    • True Fact: Chris Christie is the only human barrier that can be seen from outer space. Take that, China!

    • SorosBot

      Christie got angry because someone asked to share his pie.

      • flamingpdog

        He tried to prove he was one of the 99 percent by eating 99 % of the pie.

  • Dr Ozark Hellbender

    From Making Light*:

    On the surface, Paul talks like a libertarian with a mixed bag of daffy ideas that makes him attractive to a variety of non-orthodox political types. But if you dig into his record even a little bit you find that he walks just like a Republican, (albeit one with a byzantine mind and a super villain's fondness for overly complicated gambits).

    Add in his obsessions with the gold standard and he's a shark tank away from being a Bond Villain.


    * Which, unlike Our Wonkette, is NOT blocked at work…

    • Numbat_Dundee

      Dr No?

    • Radiotherapy

      One. Million. Dollars.

    • Max Zorin!

    • Negropolis

      …and he's a shark tank away from being a Bond Villain.

      Fucking brilliant.

  • pinkocommi

    Ron Paul? He's the old guy who walks around yelling at folks, "Get off my campaign!" Right?

  • Worst. Clownshow. Ever. And what's with the pink-face? I always thought they did whiteface. I want my money back. Or I would if I had spent money, but that was too bad to even consider spending money. Money's a funny word. It rhymes with honey. Is it warm in here? I think it's warm in here. My mouth tastes funny. Say, isn't Ron going to legalize the drugs for us? He's got my vote. Nothing like a man with a moat. I like his stoats and all, but I think the caterpillars need to finish their duels. That forehead isn't safe until everything is settled. It's warm in here, isn't it? God, I'd kill for another bag of chips right now.

    • Dr Ozark Hellbender

      "If smoking dope doesn't damage your brain, then how come so many teeny boppers think Cheech and Chong are funny"?

      National Lampoon, "Radio Dinner"

  • Joshua Norton

    Shorter Ron Paul:

    "You people NEVER pay attention to me. And when you do, it's too much."

    Head. Hurts.

    • Sue4466

      Because I only want you to pay attention to what I say, not try to discern whether it's bullshit or not.

    • Dr Ozark Hellbender

      He loves us! He hates us! We're just not good enough for him…so he keeps us on a pedestal.

      Oh, Dr. Paul…I wish I could quit you.

    • Tough to please, that one. But give him an authentic-looking eyebrow that actually stays on and he's your friend for life.

  • Tomorrow NH will live free & die and make None of the Above the winner.

  • Sue4466

    Don't care how they kill his campaign, just as long as it dies and the Paulbots go the fuck away.

  • Negropolis

    Dana Bash and John King are husband and wife, and yes, they are made for each other. They are both equally insufferable. That said, the Paul staffer has thuggish tendencies, no doubt. He looks like he would have punched her out if he thought he could get away with it.

    • Let's not forget what Rand Paul's people did to that small woman.Father/son use the likely use same security company.

      • Father/son use the likely use same security company.

        Uhm, Stormfront is a web forum, not a security company.

        • Negropolis

          Well, that you know of…

  • Negropolis

    This is no country for old men, Ron. No country for old men, indeed.

    EDIT: Gawd, that idiot Steve Kornacki is on O'Donnell with his Batman's Joker grin. It just eats me up, that shit-eating grin.

  • Yeah I can just see the young people flocking to drink in the aroma of his eucalyptus old guy skin lotion.

  • It took a bit of focus and patience, but I looked at all y'alls profiles.

    • I think I snuck a peek at yours when you posted that incredible bald eagle pic..

    • Inchhigh

      DWC I think you're awesomesauce. I LOVE Bubbles and the TPBs milieu, as well.

  • ttommyunger

    As another, more famous Missourian once proclaimed: "If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen!" I think Paul's biscuits are burning.

    • Negropolis

      Ole Sam Clemens would have had a field day with our modern politics. I didn't even know him, and I miss him.

      • ttommyunger

        He may be gone, but not forgotten; and quoted frequently. What a fucking genius!

  • Fear the Tide Honey Badger!

  • Ha ha ha — NeuTron Jack LOVES NeuTron Mitt!!!!

    • El Pinche Boracho

      David Lo Pan endorses Mittens? (in regards to photo of Welch on CNN page)

    • flamingpdog

      Could we please just ship both Jack and Mitt to China so they can live with our jobs until the day they die?

  • Antispandex

    Any amount of attention is too much, really.

  • Millennial Malaise

    Like all the boobs before him, Ron Paul has finally been granted the double edged gift of scrutiny. Sure, he's smarter and more capable than almost all of them (you know Mittens2000 is upgraded as often as iTunes) but he's still too scary right ring for most sane-minded Americans.

    The reason John Huntsman will never get a chance at bat is because the Mormon quota is full. Know your role and get back in line!

  • lnardozi

    Oh, my goodness they SHOULD be worried. I have a made a promise (and so have a lot of my friends) that if Dr. Paul is not nominated, NO REPUBLICAN WILL RECEIVE MY VOTE. And that's speaking as a Republican of 30 years. I've even set up a website where you can pledge to Dr. Paul as well. I'm not going to let the only candidate I've seen in the past 30 years that isn't the lesser of two evils slip by! My vote might well be the one that elects my senators, congressmen, state senators, councilmen, governors, judges, etc. but I'm willing to pass it up if Ron Paul isn't on the ticket. You WILL provide us with candidates that adhere to the Liberty platform or we will make sure that NONE OF YOU are reelected.

    • SorosBot

      Yes, we should all make sure Mr. Paul is nominated; because let's face it, seeing his crazy ranting the entire campaign would be funny, and guarantee Obama's reelection.

      Or do you actually think we should support the racist, woman-hating, anti-freedom crazy old man with insane ideas on economics because he happens to be good on the military and the war on drugs?

    • Cthulhu is also the lesser of two evils but I'm not going to support Him/Her/It, either.

      • Huevos Ocupados

        Where does Dr. Cthulhu stand on legalizing heroin?

        • True fact:

          Is mass-ssarati sha mushi lipshuru ruxisha limnuti
          Pisha lu-u ZAL.LU Lishanusha Lu-u Tabtu
          Sha iqbu-u amat limutti-ia kima ZAL.LU litta-tuk
          qi-ishrusha pu-uttu-ru ipshetusha xulluqu
          Kal amatusha malla-a sseri
          Ina qibit iqbu-u ilani mushitum

          But I hear Dr. Cthulhu is down with marijuana, too.

          • Huevos Ocupados

            I like his stance on mass-ssarati but that amatusha stuff scares the hell out of me.

          • Then you DO NOT want to subscribe to the newsletter.

    • Cocaine is a helluva drug.

    • Negropolis

      Gawd. You guys are like roaches; you're everywhere. Hell, Jim Jones, himself, couldn't inspire this level of fervor, though, we'll all celebrate when you get orders from the Paulian mothership to take that route…

    • Huevos Ocupados

      Are you sure? The Republicans have several other perfectly acceptable crazy racist candidates who would love to destroy the government.

    • Your cut and paste is broken. You already posted this stupidity at Big Retard.

    • Wrong windmill, dude. This crowd is perfectly happy having none of us elected. Hell, I don't think any of us are running, anyway. A fast walk, maybe.

      I realize I shouldn't ridicule you followers of the One True Hobbit, so I'll give you a quick clue, probably the first in your life: We are happy with NONE of the current crop of GOP candidates winning anything. Your misdirected zeal might explain why the "And Ron Paul stayed flat" meme just won't go away. Try your schtick on a site that might actually support Grandpa Catterpillerbrows or one of the other members of the GOP Comedy Tour.

  • anniegetyerfun

    Today, we are all men dressed roughly as wizards.

    • flamingpdog

      Today, we are all men taking a wiz. Then more beer!

  • BZ1

    … look at the muscle behind Ron Paul, it's Jimmy Hoffa!

  • Negropolis

    Dixville Notch has reported in. Romney 33%, Huntsman 33%.

    • BarackMyWorld

      Dixville? More like Dicks-ville!


  • Huevos Ocupados

    What a rugged individualist! By the way, if you aren’t comfortable being in the midst of a chaotic mob out to get you in the name of self interest then you might want to rethink the whole Libertarian thing, Dr Asshat.

  • not that Dewey

    If ever, oh ever a wiz there was
    this Vermin Supreme is one because
    because because because because because
    because of the wonderful things he does

    • Dr Ozark Hellbender

      Pay no attention to the man under the massive black upside-down boot!

      • not that Dewey

        Anybody can have a brain. That's a very mediocre commodity.

  • Terry

    I heard on NPR this morning that the crowd of people, other than the press, was actually made up of a busload of high school students from Massachusetts that a teacher brought in as a class trip.

    So, Paul goes to a crowded campaign event to be met by reporters and a whole bunch of people not able to vote in the primary.

    • DahBoner

      I thought Paul was running to be President of America, not president of whiny cry babies???

  • fuflans

    this 'get off my lawn' moment brought to you by john mccain.

  • El Pinche Boracho

    Mmmmm , I love libertarian cougar trannies. 40 gold pieces for 1 hour GFE!

  • owhatever

    Ron Paul peered through the mob of mediameat and actually saw the guy with the megaphone, relieved to find someone who thought as he did.

  • DahBoner

    ""If you have ever been robbed by a old, white male Republican, you know how unbelievably slow and stupid they can be."

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