Who is this crazy lady who isn’t allowed to get out of her truck until her husband first gets out and says his piece about why he is permitting her to run for office? She’s Kathy Peterson, Republican candidate for President of the Alabama Public Service Commission and wife of briefly famous redneck and failed Alabama Agriculture Commissioner candidate Dale Peterson, the guy who successfully nabbed a few seconds of viral stardom in 2010 for some terrifying campaign ads that consisted of Peterson waving his rifle around and swearing oaths and a hail of buckshot against any mis-cree-ants fixin’ to thieve his yard signs. This is pretty much just that all over again in 2012, especially at the end of the video, as the Internet’s comedy reward for laughing at this violent maniac a couple years ago.
Poor Kathy Peterson, she is as insane as her husband! We too would be terrified of the Environmental Protection Agency if, as she warns in the video around 1:10, the EPA were plotting to “shut down energy” and do mass murder to “get rid of people just to create their ‘perfect world.’” Here we all thought environmentalists were trying to save humanity, for whatever mysterious reason!
What IS scary is that you will have to watch all the way until 1:50 (or who cares, just fast forward) to giggle at Dale Peterson getting out his gun and promising to shoot everyone who goes near his wife’s yard signs. Greatest campaign video of 2012, so far. [YouTube]
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After that original viral video, Dale Peterson clearly realized that the UN, ACORN, PBS and Major League Baseball were onto him, so he recruited his wife to run in his stead while he pulls the strings from behind the scenes. Savvy.
He's like the svengali John Derek, and she's Bo Derek.
Simile fail. Sorry.
Do you wanna know the truth, or do you wanna watch Mark McGuire sock a few dingers?
Obligatory "I would not hit that" here.
too soon!
Define "Hit".
Appears as if someone did, with the ugly and stupid stick.
You wouldn't even take a handjob from those scare-quote hands?
Not to be all humorless and buzzkill (well, actually exactly to be all humorless and buzzkill), but why is that "obligatory"?
Because, it's a tradition on Wonkette to feel the need to do it.
In the immortal words of Michael Palin/Pontius Pilate, "He has a wife, you know…"
Dude, if you're so much in favor of your wife winning, why do you only let her put the sign on her side of the truck??? Hmm?
What's weirder is that HIS name is only on her side of the truck.
I think that part (I assume you are talking about his name there on the rear quarter passenger side window) is just left over from his run in 2010. I bet these fuckers have their Christmas lights up all year round too.
Where is this Alabama place of which you speak?
Al Abama, it's an unAmerican, Islamic place. (snort)
You lucky bastard, you.
Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with these people?
You've never been to Alabama, have you?
I watched a little bit of the Whateverthefuck Bowl last night, in Mobile AL. The Mobile C-of-C ran some ads encouraging all of us to come on down and spend our tourist dollars with them. I was all, like, what the fuck?
I drove through it once, and I really hope that doesn't count…
It don't. (having done that once m'self)
Oh god, it's catching!
The crack-whore mascara 'n' eyeliner-palooza? Ya gotta tone it down, sugar. It ain't line-dancin' night at the Atlanta Eagle.
Her hubby seems to be very concerned with his hazelnut of a penis. It's truly pathetic the way he clutches that rifle in desperation like a Dickensian orphan with a moldy rusk.
They'll get some votes, I reckon. The stirring straight-to-DVD Akshun Movie soundtrack make me all tingly in my horse-sittin' parts.
Did you note the expression on the (4-legged) horse's face in ol' Dale's first ad? "Quit yelling in my ear, you asshole!" Horses can develop strong bonds with their people. His horse seemed to be trying to edge his way out of the frame.
Yeoman Rand?
Needz moar weave hairdo and 50 less years on the clock.
But remember "Star Trek VI"?
Star Trek TOS – woohoo! Though, in a few more years, salt monster, maybe?
What in the holy hand grenade of antioch is in the fucking inbred water down there?
The air quotes were creepily innovative. But I'd be more impressed if she had yanked the macaw out of the llama's ass to prove her bona fides as someone willing to do Alabama's dirty work.
1:14 – 1:17
Those are the scariest, slowest, most dramatic, arthiritic scare quotes I've ever done seen…
The last time I saw fingers that gnarled and determined in an ominous creep, they were reaching for Dorothy's slippers.
Llamas!! She's got llllllllllamas!!!
LLamas? I thought they were blingeees.
I love Llamas, I love all the camelids.
La llama es un quadrupedo que vive en los grandes del Amazon. Tiene dos orejas, un corazón, una frente y un pico para comer miel. (The Llama is a quadruped which lives in the large rivers of the Amazon. It has two ears, a heart, a forehead, and a beak for eating honey.)
Honey llama doesn't give a shit!
Neither does Frank The Llama!
Llama llama duck!
I always hear that as llama llama ding-dong.
Someone who "had [a career]" in private enterprise wants to head up a public service commission. So this will be a great use of her…
…marketing degree.
From, where was it? The fine institution of Degreez Are Our Steez Online University?
I'm always baffled by the fact that these people have multiple advanced degrees. Despite the fact that I suspect a bright 8 year old could graduate from the fine and obscure institutions that title their degrees, school costs money even if the admissions office is located in a storage unit.
I'd love to go back to school after spending years running my own businesses. (Yes, I was a job creator.) But a serious injury, and two ailing parents later, I'm afraid the cost is far beyond my means. Then I remember the graft. Ah yes, the graft.
Sorriest. Lady Gaga. Impersonator. EVER.
Your move, Orly Taitz.
It took her more than five seconds to move her hands up to the air quotes position. I thought she was going to claw the cameraman's eyes out.
And the fingers were oddly spaced wide, like maybe she was going for full claw and realized this was a two-finger activity, full claw is for Dale later tonight.
Needs moar red meat dress.
She shore has deep roots in Al-uh-Bama … except for those classes she took from that librul elite Ivy League school up in Philadelphia.
Oh, and raising llamas is now seriously a qualification for public office? What is this, The Sims?
They also filmed a sequence at the Peterson Earthworm Farm, but thankfully it didn't make the cut.
What the fuck good are llamas (or alpacas, for that matter), if you don't live in the fucking Andes?
And 142 Mexican Whooping Llamas?
On the other hand, she "never had a hand-out," except for getting her undergrad in a soshulist state school…
Neil Young tried to warn us, you know.
About llama ranchers?
No.
Not so fast , though perhaps it's not so much a warning.
Rushed here to post "banjoes playing through the broken glass", should have known it would have been covered in the first couple dozen posts.
:28 – She was apparently born in 1867, as the daguerreotype clearly shows.
It's a-cuz she was borned pooor! All her fambly could afford wuz someone to keep a-mashin' her baby face into clay and then squarshin' that onto old newspaper.
It looked like a Victorian post-mortem photograph to me.
She looks like a dead baby from the opening credits of that awful new show "American Horror Story," from the producers of "Glee." It's so bad, it almost makes you think there IS a gay agenda to destroy the country.
i had to watch a bunch of SAG stuff for awards this year (fucking unions.). I actually liked 'american horror story'. however, mr fuflans was having none of it. 'you make me watch another episode of that and i'm going on home'.
mr. fuflans is from the south.
I gave it a LONG tryout, but I started feeling disgusted at the end of every episode by the free-floating, pointless misanthropy.
The fuck!? Creepy.
This is the South, w'ere talking about. They've yet to get Polaroid.
They call Alabama the Crimson Tide
They call me Deacon Blues
That's it! I'm rooting for the Tigers tonight.
I just hope we don't have to suffer through another field-goal fest, or I'm crashed out at halftime.
I vaguely remember a game between Iowa and Penn State a few years ago that ended 6-4 Iowa. Two field goals for Iowa, two safeties for Penn State (one of the safeties conceded intentionally by Iowa toward the end of the game, to avoid punting out of the endzone.)
I'm wondering if I may see my first 2-0 game tonight.
They call me the doctor, in my neighborhood. Yeah, everybody call me Doctor Feelgood.
So….how 'bout that Bill Daley?
Imma shoot you fellas iffn you don't quit your messin with ma wife's signs.
That musical score puts me in mind of the final scene of James Cameron's "Aliens". Action-fucking-packed.
No, Kathy, NO. Not… the SCARE QUOTES!!!!!111!!1!!
No, not scare quotes. Scare quotes should never linger for five seconds. I know that tactic–she totally copped a feel on whoever was holding that camera.
Do people usually do the scare quotes so high in the air?
Is it too late to call in a Predator Drone to take out that trailer mounted lawn sign?
:32
LLAMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!
BEOTCHEZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DAMMIT BALDAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You should see me do the last minute bidding on the eBay.
Ah, Dale Peterson. How we have missed thee.
Public service commission? They want to control our lives, for heaven's sake! They're trying to service us as if we were cows! Down with big guvmint!
The south will rise again!
Only if they can get up off the sofa, dear.
South Postpones Rising Again For Yet Another Year
Gotta love The Onion…
"The way things stand, things in the Deep South almost have to get better. Otherwise, the people who live there will devolve into preverbal, overall-wearing sub-morons within a century," said Professor Dennis Lassiter of Princeton University. "Either Southerners will start improving themselves, or they'll be sold to middle-class Asians as pets."
Only took ten years, not the predicted century.
I'm laughing so hard that I feel guilty.
Bless their hearts.
It will first have to figure out how to find its own ass with both hands. Based on these two yahoos, no risk of that.
I give it an 8 just for the ominous, crashing chords at the end. Sounds like the final scene of a Van Damme move where he karate kicks a villain's head clean off his neck or something.
But, can you dance to it?
I'm worried about these "Office-Hawpin'" politicians but excited about the countdown until the University of Pennsylvania slaps these two with a cease-and-desist order.
I too was speculating on the nature of her (air quote) continued study (end air quote) at Wharton. Night class? Blow jobs for a professor?
where have you been? you are one of my wonkette favs.
Oh, thank you. Last semester was devoted to coordinating and teaching "Principles of Neuroscience" for the first time and it took over my life.
If she filed papers in SC right now, she too could come within eight votes of beating Mitt Romney
Yo, Kathy, Doctor Evil called and he wants his sc-air quotes back.
Wait, isn't bragging about your advanced degrees a sign of being one of them eleetists?
Go Bama! Roll Llama!
Where are they going to park that trailer sign?
Try raising Fernando Lamas, and get back to us.
~
Maybe she was raising Lorenzo Lamas; I hear they're dangerous in the wild.
I think either Lamas would be dangerous….ohhhh shes good. Shes really good!
Whup. There goes my vote ( and my lunch).
If I put my property onto your property, part of your property is now my property. So don't touch my property!
Shouldn't she be in a rocking chair on top of the truck?!
It's "give a fuck" about Alabama you moron.
What is it she says? Give a drip? Give a grit? Give a prick? Southern colloquialism no doubt.
If I had to listen to that god damned accent all day long I swear to god I would kill myself or somebody else. Guess I'm staying safely north of the mason-dixon line for my own safety.
Smart doggie. Those of us with our southern roots have done as much as possible to cover them up with hair dye and a Chicago "soutside" accent.
Is it only me or does it scream "SNL Parody!" to hear anyone talk that way?
It's a clever viral campaign for Victoria Jackson's return to SNL.
It looks like she should be more careful about who she's fisting. Or so.
"experience in both the corporate and private sectors"
Well, at least she admits that the corporate sector is not fully private…
…no handouts, right…
I love how she gets out of the truck and then chases the cameraman down while reciting her resume. That's probably why her neighbors wait until she's out of sight before dashing out of the house to retrieve the morning paper.
I did enjoy the Tyrannosaur impression at 1:17.
What i want to know is, where does Miss FakaktaSouth weigh in on this…
Why would they have someone take her college graduation pic into MS Paint to color over the background? (Perhaps she was too close to those with a dusky hue.)
My fave part is at the :42 mark, when she looks as if she was going to attack the cameraman.
Then… well … that's as far as I got, as it's all I could take. And I have the sound off …
Don't even think about dropping bombs on my signs. They are all designated no fly zones.
Man, whatever happened to the once proud State of Alabama.
In partial response: 6th Alabama Regiment:
91 killed, 277 wounded – BAttle of Seven Pines
Lost a lot of good breeding stock and had to make up for it after the war with what they had left over.
Happened? Alabama has been like this for fuckin' ever. That's the problem.
Good Lord, looking at this woman's face sucks all the joy out of my soul.
"So listen up…!"
This is funny. Thanks for sharing on a fucking rainy Monday.
She lost me when she confessed to “Giving a rip about Alabama”. After that revelation how can anyone trust her judgment?
I kinda like how she turned the other cheek while giving a rip.
She'll give more than a one cheek sneak about the people of Alabama.
She couldn't wait to use those air quotes..
Those man-hands of hers WERE seriously a-twitchin' weren't they!
The gun, the south, the anger.
It's the GOP trifecta of campaign ads.
The horror.
The gud, the baderer, and the most ugliest.
She's tough but still gets in the passenger's seat. That's Alabama.
Apparently, "yard signs" is Alabaman for "early-onset Alzheimer's."
A perfect world is one with titty-twisters?
What does "give a rip" mean? Is that past tense for rape, like "I'm going to rape America's resources", or "after my term, the wildlife and natural resources of our state will have felt ripped"?
I'm pretty sure it means fart. She gives a fart about Alabama.
"…and additional advanced studies at Wharton School of Business."
Oh, you mean that pseudo-degree mill that advertises on billboards and in TIME Magazine? Okay, then.
Jesus Christ
noooo..just a nut from Alabama
Gaahhh …. about a minute into this horror, "gettin' rid of people" starts to sound like not such a bad idea. Can we start with this pair of idiots?
Wouldn't want that EPA "Perfect World", so she is saying Alabama needs more people to suffer and die from various environmental toxins and if you vote for her she will make it happen.
Judging by the blazer and lipstick, she's lost the gay vote already. So why the disco leather soundtrack?
True story! My dad and I went to Mobile after Katrina to inspect some family property for hurricane damage. At the hotel when the clerk took our id's he said we made an awfully good looking couple and would we like a king sized bed. When your dad has to say "uh, this is my daughter, not my wife" you know you are in a strange land.
This is the South, so being the daughter and the wife isn't out of the question.
Daughters ain't for marryin', they're for lovin'!
If you were already over 14, then you're marrying days were over.
HAG!
It's just a matter of convenience to have several family members in one. Less to spend on holidays, reunions, etc.
Suthuhn' efficiency!
Sibling libelry !
This add was clearly made ironically using imovie by their stoned hipster son who is living in their basement until he finishes his PhD thesis on socialism/gets a job a McDonalds.
She is really <airquote> something </airquote>.
Energy can be banned? I thought it was a force of nature.
I think Albert Einstein made that same mistake.
As I recall, the First Law says it can't be created or destroyed, but it doesn't say anything about being banned. Duz it to you?
The EPA shutting down energy — I assume she goes into a bit more detail on her campaign website? Or does she just say that because ol' Dale telled her to put it in there?
WOW! Show us your tits!
Roll Tide Motherfuckers!
It's rollin', baby, it's rollin'!
I prefer to roll snuggle, myself.
.She never finished the ad properly." I sweaar we throw the blacks and spiks out at the first chance i got" ..listen up dumbasses from Alaabaama
she got a degree from wheeeere. Pennsylvania??but but but.. thats devil's country…
I laaak the way Kathy stays on message by maaakin' that pistol gesture with her fingers. Very professional.
Now I gotta drive all the way down to Alabama to tear up some of Kathy's yard signs just to piss off her husband.
My new business will be you can pay me to tear down some of Kathy's yard signs. Green shoots!
Give that woman some decaffinated tea. Jesus, she's wound up tighter than Rick Perry at a gay rodeo.
Her speech pattern gives me epilepsy. Does it to you?
I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth, but I wish I was. That's why I'm a Republican!
Had a hard time looking beyond the bad bleach job and clown makeup to listen to what she said (in that shrill wound-tight republican lady southern accent). But I did and she's crazy.
So they won't support gay rights in Alabama, but they have no problem with putting blonde wigs on orangutangs and claiming to have married them? That is one fucked up state. Oh, and Dr. Zaius libel, dammit!
This deserves so much more p.
It's not frahhd, it's Shike an' Bike- and Ah hepped!!
Blahs need not apply.
Come on, it is really progressive of him to allow her out without a burka.
"Her"? You haven't been to Alabama, either.
Heathens. Up here in Michigan, being under Sharia Law and all, every woman is burka'ed, and some get burka'ed twice. Hell, we're so faithful, that even some of the overweight men with breasteses have to have a burqa.
"Not born with a silver spoon in [her] mouth"???
I find that very hard to believe. Impeccable diction, fashion sense and she lets the gentleman drive–She seems extraordinarily well bred.
Goddamn those special interests, EPA and all them. I say, local morons for local problems.
You know who else used air quotes?
Air Coryell, in post-game pressers?
If only Obama were as proud of his birth certificate as she is of her etchukashun…
I am moving to Alabama, just so I can vote against her…
"…my roots run deep." And dark, dearie.
Oooo, you bitch, you.
Don't get me started, I haven't even mentioned that face. She and Mrs. Santorum would tie in an “ugly-off”.
ROTFLMAO!
This is a joke, right? I'm laughing so hard I can barely type! This has got to be a pardoy, right? The music, the acting, the premature, wait-to-pounce air quotes, the aggressive walking toward the camera…O M G.
Forget Alabama Public Service Commission. Someone give this woman a fucking TV show on TLC, already, and name it "Hillbilly Politikin'" or some shit.
Watching this video, I don't know whether to laugh, or a file a PPO against this loony toon.
She may have not been born with a silver spoon in her mouth, but she was born with her foot in her mouth, apparently.
didn't even have to look, to know the folks were Republicans… sigh
If these two were REAL Christians, they would realize the Bible is pretty explicit about how women are not supposed to be in positions of authority.
Oh, I doubt he lets her on top.
That depends on the position and how deep he wants her to put the prosthetic.
For a second there I thought I was playing one of those zombie arcade games where you shoot the plastic riffle at the screen.
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