flotus files

New Book Reveals FLOTUS Hates Rahm Emanuel, Just Wants to Party

That's MRS. Flotus to you... Hallelujah, our FLOTUS has survived yet another dreadful year in the White House. We don’t really know how she does it, but then again, she looks like she has had a lot of endurance training. So, will 2012 be the dawn of a new era in Michelle Obama’s FLOTUS career, or will we spend another unfortunate year tallying up our First Lady’s vacation costs, and crying because we can’t even afford the latest grilled cheese monstrosity at Denny’s? Nobody knows, but what we do have is a new book that is rumored to include many “juicy details” about our First Lady, details like “she hates Irish Catholics and Rahm Emanuel.” Time to grab that 100-calorie snack pack and one of those reading machines!

The Internets are all excited today about this book, which apparently includes some sexxxy stories about the tension between our FLOTUS and Chicago’s angriest mayor:

“Michelle and Rahm Emanuel had almost no bond; their relationship was distant and awkward from the beginning. She had been skeptical of him when he was selected, and now he returned the favor; he was uneasy about first ladies in general, several aides close to him said, based on clashes with Hillary Clinton in the 1990s that became so severe that she had tried to fire him from her husband’s administration,” writes Kantor. “Now Emanuel was chief of staff, a position that almost never included an easy relationship with the first lady. They were the president’s two spouses, in a sense, one public and official and one private and informal.”

So this is a book about polygamy, in the White House! But of course, there had to be this, too:

Kantor reports that then-White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs was often deployed to push back against the first lady, informing her that she couldn’t take a private vacation on a state visit, spend large amounts on White House redecoration, or buy expensive clothes.

Robert Gibbs, you are no fun! We would like to see Michelle Obama replace those Oval Office “neutral hues” with something retro, perhaps some neon track lighting and full-length mirrors, like an aerobics class. [HuffPo]

About the author

Blair Burke obsessively follows Michelle Obama's every move and fashion decision for Wonkette's The FLOTUS Files feature, which appears here every Monday.

View all articles by Blair Burke
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73 comments

  1. nounverb911

    "“Michelle and Rahm Emanuel had almost no bond; "
    If Michelle isn't careful, when the Obamas move back to Chicago their street will never get plowed.

  2. UnholyMoses

    Shorter excerpt:

    "The first lady was smart enough to know Rahm was a huge fucknut. She was also told that she couldn't spend her own money on the stuff she wanted to do—and that first ladies have always done—lest some (read: wingnut bloggers) freak out."

    There — no one needs to read the book now.

    You're welcome.

  3. x111e7thst

    Fuck that asshole Emanuel. It's too bad our Flotus did not choke him out before he had a chance to flee.

  4. BarackMyWorld

    Good thing the NH primary is tomorrow and SC next week, or this would basically just be the Fox News lead story for the next 2 weeks.

    1. Negropolis

      Chuck Todd said the same thing on Lawrence O'Donnell, last night, the only difference is that he said it with sadness, as if he would totally get off on this being a controversy that would roil around the political sphere for the rest of the election season. He said something that it was a pity that Kantor's book didn't come out in September. Fuck 'im.

  5. elviouslyqueer

    They were the president’s two spouses, in a sense, one public and official and one private and informal.”

    Worst. polymorphously. perverse. marriage. EVER.

  6. Goonemeritus

    People need to look at the historical precedence here. I believe it was common knowledge that Martha Washington threatened to kick then Secretary of State Thomas Jefferson in the nuts.

    1. Callyson

      So the Louisiana Purchase *did* have something to do with overcompensating! Thought so even when I was a kid…

  7. freakishlywrong

    Well thank Jeebus there's someone in the WH that was appalled at all that trianglulatin'! Michelle is the cool kid.

  8. SorosBot

    Thanks a lot for putting the image of Rahm and the Obamas in a three-way in my head; I think I need brain bleach now.

  9. chascates

    I can't imagine Rahm Emanuel has any friends, any where. He's a typical politician with a tremendous ego who doesn't want real change. Chicago is welcome to him.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      And so I'm ronery
      A rittle ronery
      Poor rittle me

      There's nobody
      I can rerate to
      Feel rike a bird in a cage
      It's kinda sirry
      But not rearry
      Because it's firring my body with rage

  10. donner_froh

    No wonder Gibbs quit.

    "Mrs. Obama, I'm afraid you will have to return that Donna Karan Trapunto-Stitch Sheath. But there is a great sale at Loehmann's. this weekend."

  11. ttommyunger

    Real newsflash, this one… Can anyone name ONE person who likes Rahm? Shit, Rahm doesn't even like Rahm. He's spent every waking moment of his adult life being a nine-fingered pencil-necked asshole for a living, Hell, he's been paid to be that. What's to like, I ask you? Who gives a fuck? Why am I asking you?

      1. ttommyunger

        As I often tell a friend of mine (1st Division Vet): “If you're going to be one, be a Big Red One!”.

    1. PsycWench

      Especially since hopes were sort of high for him at the start of the administration. Remember how he was going to intimidate those Republicans out of reflexively committing the legislative equivalent of a cock block?

      1. neiltheblaze

        That's right. He was supposed to be the sulfuric-acid spitting space reptile that would intimidate the Right Wing – the Democrats' pit bull on a leash – until everyone realized that Rahm was a triangulating blue dog back-stabber who hates Liberals and the Rethuglicans had nothing whatsoever to fear.

        Michelle Obama is apparently a great judge of character.

  12. Terry

    “Now Emanuel was chief of staff, a position that almost never included an easy relationship with the first lady. They were the president’s two spouses, in a sense, one public and official and one private and informal.”

    That is a badly written sentence. Is the author trying to say that Emanuel was one of the two presidential spouses or that Michelle Obama was like two different people? If it's the first…..ewwwww…..Barry, you could do a lot better in terms of bromance. If it's the second option, isn't that sort of the norm with any prominent couples?

  13. Pragmatist2

    The list of people who hate Rahm Emmanuel and just want to party includes everyone in the world except Rahm Emmanuel.

    1. Negropolis

      Or Larry O'Donnell. Hell, don't let Rosie O'Donnell do it. I know that's hard, but bear with me.

  14. DemonicRage

    The New York Post was having a hay day, featuring the salacious gossip tip from the book that the Obamas dared to have a Hollywood Theme Party in the White House (Tim Burton) while the rest of the nation starved on the breadlines, and then tried to keep it a secret. AOL was also making this excerpt from the book one of the featured stories of the past few days. How is it that you at Wonkette let this salacious tid bit slip by? I believe that there is an accompanying photo showing FLOTUS in a tiger suit.

  15. thefrontpage

    When her husband was quite luckily elected president of the United States amid the worst recession and worst economic times in the country since the Great Depression, was Michelle Obama really that dumb, out-of-it, ignorant and horribly clueless that she really believed that she could "take a private vacation on a state visit, spend large amounts on White House redecoration, or buy expensive clothes?????????" Was she really that stupid? If she was, then GOOD for Emanuel and Gibbs–because they spoke intelligence, common sense, normalcy and smartness. No government official should be taking private vacations on state visits, spending large amounts on White House decorations and buying expensive clothes during the worst economic downturn in 80 years. That's just, well, stupid. Good for Rahm Emanuel and good for Robert Gibbs. And, aside from stupid gossip, it should be noted that Emanuel and Gibbs did their jobs in an above-average manner every day that they were in those very difficult jobs. So, again, good for Rahm Emanuel and good for Robert Gibbs, for doing their jobs.

  16. Mumbletypeg

    like an aerobics class

    Maybe I was missing one-L during her noticeable absence from this weekend's debate, but I'm standing by my conviction She1y should pursue her true calling as aerobics instructor. The ladiez of the Bible Beltway deserve their high-pitched answer to P90X; her fixation with the word Core ("..of Conviction") resonates with that new-fangled denoter of "abs workout;" and she could continue her fantasy that her Christianification of all things political and heretical is worth FLOTUS's weight in gold.

  17. kissawookiee

    "They were the president’s two spouses, in a sense"

    Rahm may be the giantest asshole in the history of Chicago. But on a purely aesthetic basis, that would also be the hottest three-way in the history of the White House, EVAR.

    1. torera

      I remember. I also remember it was paid for by private donations, as was every WH redecor since JFK if not before. But of course the tighty righties wouldn't let that pass. On the other hand if they had gone all ballistic on FLOTUS, maybe POTUS would have been able to sneak a few actual government things by them.

  18. mavenmaven

    He couldn't yell at her in the locker room, and if he put a finger to her chest she'd probably break his arm in two.

  19. Chet Kincaid

    “Michelle and Rahm Emanuel had almost no bond; their relationship was distant and awkward from the beginning. She had been skeptical of him when he was selected, and now he returned the favor; he was uneasy about first ladies in general, several aides close to him said, based on clashes with Hillary Clinton in the 1990s that became so severe that she had tried to fire him from her husband’s administration,” writes Kantor. “Now Emanuel was chief of staff, a position that almost never included an easy relationship with the first lady. They were the president’s two spouses, in a sense, one public and official and one private and informal.”

    Female-Friendly Erotica Imprint FAIL

  20. fuflans

    speaking as a 1/2 canadian irish protestant who has: no job, a southern boyfriend and an ex who is a jew, i can say with absolute certainty that i fucking hate everyone.

  21. RavenRant

    Remember a few weeks ago, when faux democrats/real Koch whores were suggesting that Hillary should be drafted to replace Barack?

    After these 'damaging revelations' about FLOTUS, could we please draft Michelle?

Comments are closed.