someone wants the veep slot

NJ Strongman Chris Christie Will Not Share Pie with Obama or Anyone Else

No pies, no piece! Apparently since dull turd Mitt Romney’s campaign message “Comrade Barack Obama is only here to steal yer munnies” comes across like he is just some anxious unlikable rich guy worrying over his fortune, hahaha which he is, Mittens’ sweaty-shiny new campaign trail attack frog Chris Christie will polish it up with something a little bit more relatable to the oversize Republican base, like a dessert food metaphor. Ready for it? Chris Christie is not about to let Barack Obama steal his chunk of the pie, guys!

On Sunday, Christie addressed a gaggle of New Hampshirites who had the misfortune to accidentally wander into a Mitt Romney “rally” (euphemism). The National Review catapults the propaganda thusly:

Referring to President Obama’s class warfare rhetoric, Christie said that Obama’s solution was to take “pie” from those who had a bigger “piece,” keep the bulk of it, and then give some to those with a smaller piece. In contrast to that,  “what Mitt Romney believes [is] that the size of the American piece is infinite,” Christie said.

Extended metaphor about infinite pie? Someone sounds EXCITED!!!! [National Review]

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    1. JustPixelz

      Fun fact: In China most people have one of a small number of surnames. They call them "The 100 Families" (Bǎijiāxìng). It's part mythology, as there are many more than 100 family names. But most Chinese have one of those 100 names.

      My Chinese name — given to me by a member of the Wang family (stop it! are you in third grade?) — is Qing Wa. Which probably means "smart and good looking".

      1. HateMachine

        It's entirely possible that I misunderstood in my Mandarin 1010 class last semester, but the doesn't character for the "Wang" surname means 'king'?

        Somehow that just compounds the entendres for me. Especially since my textbook featured a person in its sample dialogue that kept being called Xiao (little) Wang.

  1. SorosBot

    A guy the size of Christie is talking about pie? He's making it awfully hard to avoid the easy fat jokes.

      1. Tundra Grifter

        Remember what Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger said about Boss BlunderRush?

        "They call him the 800-pound gorilla in the room. That really isn't fair. He probably doesn't weigh more than 400."

  2. Come here a minute

    The Republican philosophy is that the pie is infinite, but I'm still not giving you any!

  3. pinkocommi

    “what Mitt Romney believes [is] that the size of the American piece is infinite”

    Kind of like Christie's waistline.

    1. proudgrampa

      Your link didn't go anywhere for me. But "Bring me a bucket!" is the best line ever in all of moviedom.

    2. Loaded_Pants

      I'm starting to wonder what the daily average is for references/links to Monty Python are among the comments.

      Also "The Simpsons", too.

  4. x111e7thst

    So maybe Christie has to be helicoptered everywhere because it is the only way to convey all that infinite pie.

  5. Dashboard Buddha

    Yeah, right Mitt/Christie

    A unionized public employee, a member of the Tea Party and a CEO are sitting at a table. In the middle of the table there is a plate with a dozen cookies on it. The CEO reaches across and takes 11 cookies, looks at the tea partier and says,"look out for that union guy, he wants a piece of your cookie."

        1. Dashboard_Jesus

          I've heard/ seen that one a hundred times and I STILL love it, cuz it's EXACTLY how these motherfuckers operate…and the brain dead teabaggers ALWAYS fall for it

  6. memzilla

    Dear Gov. Christie:

    I sincerely appreciate your use of a baked-goods metaphor in regards to leadership of a country. It worked out so well for me!

    Kind regards,
    Marie Antoinette

  7. EatsBabyDingos

    Mitt the fit could eat no fat
    Wife Chrissy could eat no lean
    And so between them both, you see,
    They licked the Santorum clean.

  8. freakishlywrong

    Chris Christie invoking pie is as outrageous as Mittens invoking how fun it is to fire people..wait, what?

  9. MittsHairHelmet

    "Stay far from timid, only make moves when your hearts in it, and live the phrase 'Pie's infinite'" -The Notorious BIG

  10. SexySmurf

    Christie added, "Obama is like those jerks at the Old Country Buffet, who claim it's 'all you can eat', but won't let you remove the steamer trays and take them into the bathroom with you."

    1. Generation[redacted]

      Pi is irrational, much like today's Republican party which has infinite irrationality.

    1. RavenRant

      Republican/Republican 2012. Obama second term.

      (Second term, could he choose a Chief of Staff who's not a Clinton retread/bank whore?)

  11. freakishlywrong

    “Somebody’s going down tonight, but it ain’t going to be jobs, sweetheart,” Christie rejoined from the stage as the chanting continued from a cluster in the audience.
    What the fuck does this even mean? Are jobs people too now, my friends?

      1. Steverino247

        I was going to write something witty, but all the blood suddenly left my brain when I saw the word "blowjob."

    1. Callyson

      Rick Perry is pissed that Christie stole his pick up line. It was working so well with all those hot campaign volunteers…and WTH else does anyone think he's still running?

    2. SorosBot

      He was talking to a female protestor, so I guess he was offering to give her a good pussy-licking; which must have disgusted her, because Chris Christie, ew.

        1. SorosBot

          Are you saying you wouldn't want Gov. Christie's big, slobbering mouth with his multiple chins to go down on you?

    3. GOPCrusher

      Now the Occupy protestors are Obama's soldiers in his class warfare agenda. But Tea Baggers were a "grassroots" movement?

    4. Lascauxcaveman

      “Somebody’s going down tonight, but it ain’t going to be jobs, sweetheart,”

      I'm pretty sure he was talking about the deceased Apple Computer CEO's interment, correctly noting it took place probably a couple weeks ago, at least.

  12. BigDumbRedDog

    It would do Christie some good to give up a piece or two of pie now and then. And maybe go out for a walk while your at it, you disgusting fat fuck.

  13. MissTaken

    If the piece of pie is infinite, then how big is the whole pie? Still not as big as Christie's waistline I'm sure.

  14. SnarkoMarx

    Back in the 70's Rush Limbaugh was brodcasting under the name "Jeff Christie". Now we see "Chris" Christie with the exact same silhouette as Rush. Coincidence? I'm not so sure.

  15. Callyson

    Christie ended with a plea to Granite State voters.
    “New Hampshire, everyone is watching you,” he said. “Send a strong message back, when America is watching on Tuesday night. You tell them we’ve seen presidential candidates up and down in this state, and we know a president when we see one, and he is right here.”
    A pie in the face…you can do it, New Hampshire!

  16. KeepFnThatChicken

    Notice that the campaign never devolves into fractions — but then again, Americans suck at maths.

    1. Tundra Grifter


      When I was in college the dorm has a pie-eating contest. Only a couple of kids entered – and there were dozens of pies.

      My room mate started to take off and I said "Stick around; this is going to be fun."

      Sure enough, one of the contestants shoved loose pie into the face of another one, and the fight was one.

      These were, of course, real pies. I remember several kids grabbing one, starting to throw it, thought twice about actually eating it and then figured this chance was never going to repeat.

      The air was full of pies.

      1. Schmannnity

        I guess I truly have arrested adolescence if I still laugh at an 80-year-old Three Stooges piefight.

  17. zappadoo76

    “What Mitt Romney believes [is] that the size of the American piece is infinite."

    No it isn't. The market has limits, and we have hit them. Now comes starvation and fascism–with or without a sacred garment. With or without blackface. With or without Big Pussy Bonpensiero as VeePee.

    1. bikerlaureate

      Class warfare rhetoric-slingin', medical care for the poors'-lovin', Consumer Protection Agency empowerin' Obama's problem here is that he refuses to accept that those with bigger pieces of the infinite pie baked 'em up themselves, with absolutely no resources provided by all of the jealous little pie-envying serfs.

  18. BigDumbRedDog

    Except this is a shit pie with a nice santorum meringue and Romney is going to make sure each and every one of us gets a facefull.

  19. Limeylizzie

    Ok, due to my legendary, on Wonkette, size 34Gs I would never tuck in a shirt, I would look as if I was about to topple over, Chris Christie needs to learn by my example.

    1. MissTaken

      I thought I won with 36E's. I bow down to you, well two inches down before my boobs hit the ground.

      And yes, shirt tucking-in is definitely a no-no

        1. Steverino247

          Anything over a hand/mouth full is excessive, but what the hell. This is America, dammit!

  20. Radiotherapy

    Sewer rat might taste like infinite pie, but that don't mean I'm gonna that shitty metaphor.

  21. Geminisunmars

    I like how with photoshop you can make it appear like the "before" and "after" are in the same shot.

  22. Generation[redacted]

    I like his plan to fix the economy. With an infinite GDP we can have a 0.01% flat tax rate and still have infinite funding for highways, wars, and other government programs.

  23. Bluestatelibel

    Judging from the looks of Chris Christie, it would actually do him a LOT of good to let a few other people at that pie.

  24. WhatTheHeck

    99% of the pie is eaten by 1% of the population.
    1% of the pie is left over for the remaining 99% of the population.
    Do the math. Pie charts create jobs.

  25. Tundra Grifter

    I'm rather surprised Christie hasn't abandoned a belt for suspenders. That's usually the route taken by folks with Dunlaps Disease.

  26. widestanceshakedown

    I like it better when Christie talks about belt tightening, something he knows all about, albeit from within, and not as an austerity measure.

  27. Rosie_Scenario

    "Make the pie higher." George W. Bush (gone, but not forgotten, though I wish I could.)

  28. hagajim

    Wrong message from the wrong guy. How do you get any sympathy when the messenger looks like he ate the whole fucking pie – about 17 times?

  29. BornInATrailer

    All that pie talk gave Christie a chubber. Thankfully he's fat enough that no one could tell.

  30. Eve8Apples

    Infinite pie –Tell that to the folks who are underwater on their mortgage, the folks who have lost their home in foreclosure and the workers who have been unemployed for two years. "Don't worry dude – the pie is infinite. One day the pie will trickle down on you."

  31. Data Exactly

    Relevant political commentary. Sometimes you just gotta toss the gummies and see where they land.

  32. Negropolis

    The bullshit is strong with this one.

    Infinite pie? Sounds so existential; it's like what he imagines heaven to be in a visual. He probably jizzed his pants just saying the words.

  33. lloydstool

    According to this PIE CHART, Christie's PIE HOLE is a victim of owner abuse, and in need of a helicopter ride to that great PIE IN THE SKY. Either that, or a gig on Fox.

  34. Limeylizzie

    My poor spouse would agree with you, tell her to get professionally measured and then shop online, makes my life so much easier.

  35. Biff

    Being of a size that could easily eclipse the sun, remembering to not look at him directly will undoubtedly save your retinas.

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