Ready to ruin your Saturday night? Then please join us, as we liveblog the New Hampshire ABC News secret-handjob 2012 debate. Let’s hurt together, the way Santorum would want Jesus to hurt us, should we accidentally have the buttsex. Mitt Romney, known as “the guy who is really spending a lot of money to be the nominee, despite nobody liking him at all,” has a chance to … oh who knows. Maybe a circuit will blow! Rick Santorum might finally “come out,” if you know what we mean!
9 PM — “EVERYTHING IS DIFFERENT,” claims the ABC intro. Uhh ….
9:03 PM — 200K new jobs, Mittens! Are you an optimist about this? Mitt: “Yes! People, I like those. But Obama made this … worse. It is Obama. The fault is … the president. The rooster, the sunrise. The rooster, the sunrise.”
9:03 PM — Oh Rick Perry is still running.
9:04 PM — Santorum! What will he do? He could act as if he is a leader! He knows the most pressing issue, it’s Iran! THERE IS NOBODY WITH MORE EXPERIENCE IN IRAN THAN RICK SANTORUM. He is, in fact, Iranian. He is actually speaking in Farsi.
9:05 PM — Haha, Rick Santorum is anti-business. He is against having a CEO, or a manager, or any kind of executive leader.
9:06 PM — Gingrich has been running a tough ad that is from the New York Times about how Romney destroys American jobs, kills American wealth and sells off everything to China and the Martians, on Mars.
9:07 PM — Gingrich thinks television political ads are “a film.” He is so much about the Future!
9:08 PM — Romney woodenly repeats his line about the NYT attacking “free enterprise,” so he is “very proud” and now he is talking about the Olympics again. The Olympics!
9:09 PM — George Stephanouphapolous (sp?) is now basically quoting this Wonkette post about Romney counting 100K jobs created after he finally quit ruining the companies he ruined.
9:12 PM — Ron Paul, will you actually call Santorum corrupt to his weird face? Then Ron Paul shuffles and chuckles and GOD MAKES HIS MIC SQUEAK, and then Santorum says “God is punishing you for telling a lie about me.” The crowd laughs. LOL.
9:17 PM — Nearly twenty minutes in, and somebody finally notices Rick Perry is still hanging around. Now he is speaking, and it’s actually worse than Rick Santorum and Ron Paul squabbling … apparently Ron Paul is now an “insider.”
9:21 PM — Diane Sawyer is so bored/doped that she can’t even say “Iranian” now … it came out something like “O-wabrian.”
9:21 PM — Romney is baffled every time anyone asks him a question.
9:23 PM — But at least he supports #OWS. No, wait, he supports whatever someone told him to say about Iranian protests last year.
9:24 PM — “I will endorse our nominee.” — Mitt Romney, January 7, 2012. This man is a revolutionary.
9:25 PM — We have to relocate our Night Bureau very quickly; please do speak amongst yourselves until we’re functional again.
9:40 PM — Hooray, we’re finally talking about condoms and lady pills!
9:42 PM — Ron Paul is, again, the strange old “sane person.” And after ranting about this alleged Right To Privacy, Santorum is given a chance to respond, and he stands there idiotically and says, “What’s the question?”
9:43 PM — Time for questions, from Yahoo! About gay marriage!
9:44 PM — Newt Gingrich, the historian, notes that marriage has been between “man and woman for 3,000 years.” Before that, obviously, marriage was between a giraffe, a log and a rain cloud.
9:46 PM — Immediately before discussing “a level of dignity,” Mitt Romney boasts that he has fucked his wife for 15 minutes per pregnancy.
9:49 PM — Mitt Romney is a LIBERAL, he thinks gay couples can love each other and “raise children well.” Go back to Massachusetts, Romenycare McLeftist!
9:49 PM — Newt Gingrich is going to stand up for, uh, the Catholic Church. Hahahaha.
9:50 PM — HUGE APPLAUSE FINALLY, and why? Because three-wife adulterer and “Catholic convert” Newt Gingrich said the REAL problem in America is “anti Catholic bigotry.”
9:52 PM — Ron Paul is going to bitch slap the next clown who interrupts him.
9:53 PM — But now, somehow, Ron Paul is getting the big laughs by saying, “I’m catching up to Mitt, every day.”
9:53 PM — Perry is going to go right back to Gay Marriage. Does this guy have a complex or what?
9:57 PM — Whoa, Huntsman is being all “sane” and “Ron Paul-y” now by saying Afghanistan is in/near Civil War, and he won’t send another American there, or (more importantly, for the GOP!) another penny.
9:57 PM — But Newt, the video game historian, knows that everything is really such a more complicated deal, and it has to be a Cold War, against Arabs/Muslims. Because all Arabs/Muslims over two-thirds of the planet are EXACTLY THE SAME, and all unified in some invisible war against America. God, you’re an idiot, Newt.
9:59 PM — Santorum is going to be in Afghanistan until “the security of our country is secured.” But, uh, Afghanistan isn’t “our country.” Our country is this one, the fucked up disaster about to break into ACTUAL civil war. (We hope.)
10 PM — Haha, idiot Perry, he’s going to start the war in Iraq again. Total silence in the room.
10:02 PM — Romney says “exceptional force” the way some car dealer would say “exceptional quality.”
10:04 PM — Nothing makes Ron Paul squeakier than talking about American’s idiotic imperial policies.
10:05 PM — Santorum has a great comeback for Ron Paul … something about an Iranian fisherman?
10:07 PM — And Santorum is still very upset about the mullahs in Iran. And yet, Santorum and the mullahs talk about the exact same things all the time, with the only difference being that the mullahs say “Jews” when Santorum says “liberals.” Otherwise, all a bunch of closet cases.
10:13 PM — Our coverage must tragically come to an end now. You can finish watching it here. Let’s just hope for Rick Perry’s new war on Iraq!
{ 641 comments }
I'm not drunk yet, hang on a sec….
bARb..
Honey Bunches of Oh's!
I'm drinking St. Germain & gin (elitist!), and just sloshed it over my laptop.
Perhaps I am already drunk.
God, I have fried so many hard drives that way.
I've moved on to red wine. Still keeping the leet in elitist!!!
I seem to get mine with orange juice, mostly, although the last one was wine. Hint: NEVER lie to IT about why your machine's cooked. Our UNIX guy just looked at me and said, "Just don't do it again, or I'll have to kill you."
God, I didn't think anyone else knew about that wonderful combination. That's triple elitist points for gin, some French liquer and a laptop instead of mom's old HP tower in the basement.
With a dash of bitters! Makes the world a better place.
I'm bitter enough without listening to these fucking bozos, thanks.
Glass of white, and two spliffs.
I'm working on it…. two martinis and Santorum is starting to look pretty cute.
Oh yeah, it's plenty cute until is drips down your leg.
uh oh. Tee many martoonis already.
You know what they say about martinis – two are too many and three are not enough.
(slaps snarky) Look at me. No, look at me. C'mon, breathe deep. BREATHE.
Beer. It's not just for breakfast anymore.
It seems kinda fitting it's coming on right after Wipeout.
Yay! Where did I put my beer and popcorn?
Excuse me, I have to go dig up that rusty icepick I'd rather gouge my eyes out with. It'll ultimately be less painful than the burned retinas I'll get from being snowblinded by the whiteness of the crowd.
Mitt, I can smell your cologne through the TV set.
Smelovision.
High Karate High Definition!
Good to see you, Flaming!
Eau de douche.
My poor baby girl!
I could smell his fear, desperation and self-loathing, myself. It smells like a rank mixture of a wayward, coked-up, Hollywood starlit and the tears of small children.
Also, it smells like toxic bat feces. Also.
THE DOUCHEBAGGERY!
I first read that as DEBAUCHERY!
I miss Crazy Eyes already
I know. It't like missing Lou Sarah.
She's better off at home looking after her 37 kids and keeping a wary eye on Marcus.
And masturbating furiously with a miniature Minnesota Twins baseball bat.
BATGIRL LIBEL!!!
Would she do so, any other way?
I know! I figured when things got really desperate she'd at least have had a "nip-slip" to at least secure the Mother's-basement-blogger crowd!
George Snuffleupagus!
Sabbath is over at sundown, so now officially ok to state how much the baby jeebus wants us to love and support (by sending lotsa' $$$$ to) Israel as his chosen people.
Romney-I saved the Olympics!!!1!
Yeah, like there are no other places on Earth that couldn't have hosted them.
Will the Frothmeister scold 5-year-old cancer survivors about their preexisting conditions?
You bet he will.
Cancer is just a sign that Jesus doesn't love them, right Ricky?
Sounds like the mother of the first murder victim in three years in my hometown. 23 years old, two children five & two, killed by her estranged husband while the 2 years old was in the next room, scared shitless. In response, the grandmother said, "My daughter has been called to our Lord & Savior, Jesus Christ".
Weird guy, this Jesus, if He thinks a 23 years old mother belongs with Him over her two kids.
My batshit crazy end-timer mother said to everyone, "He is finally healed" when my husband died after a long illness. Why are those Christians such insensative mean fukkers?
My theory has always been some religious yahoos are actually not-so-closeted misanthropes. They secretly hate most, if not all, of humanity.
I don't care if Pat Robertson is 170 yrs. old. I'm sure the idea of most of humanity burning in hell gives him a hard on. No ED drugs for him.
I'm so sorry. I promise to slap her silly if I ever run across her. What a horrible mean lunatic.
No, it's not that Jesus guy who's weird, it's all these fucking assholes who dare to purport to speak for him. IIRC, he's the guy who said, to paraphrase, Feed the hungry, heal the sick, if you have two shirts on your back, give one to your brother who hasn't any. If he could see these motherfuckers blathering on their bullshit about him, he'd beat them unconscious.
Cancer is a sign of the Zodiac, which is Satanism!
Um … OK.
Ha Ha. The New York Times.
All the news that's boring enough to print.
Limited to 20 boring articles a month for free onlne.
Should I switch from watching Saints v. Lions for this?
No, I think I'll pass. I'll catch the highlights. Rooting for Gingrich to tackle Mitt for a career-ending injury, and for Santorum to intercept a pass by Perry.
Nah, please not, the ref has to wipe the ball after every time Frothy touches it.
Shorter Romney, defending Bain: You can't make an omelet without breaking a few nest eggs.
100,000 jobs is a lie. Come on Mit you scumbag.
He's lying, and everybody fucking *knows* he's lying. He's giving *current* figures, not the figures for when he worked at Bain. And there's a reason for that, isn't there, Mitty?
Net Jobs. If you were on the wrong side of the net it sucks to be you.
Net Jobs = lay off older workers making more $$ and replace them with entry-level workers whose benefits don't kick in for 6 months — 1 yr, so that you can fire them without losing anything after 5.95 months.
Bain will be Mit's bane.
Brain will be Mitt's bane, too, also.
I fucking hope so, man. No one more deserving.
Rick Perry bombed in Iowa and is skipping New Hampshire. I think he's limited his aspirations to just running for President of the South.
That'll come in handy when the New Confederacy secedes.
They'll need a leader who knows how to wear a dress.
I'd love to be president of the South! I would just walk through fields of flowers singing Zippity Do Da, with bluebirds circling around my head. That is my ideal and I am having no one fucking with it!
Romney's sideburn hair looks whiter. Is he getting worn down by the campaign, or has temple-greying turned out to be popular with focus groups?
More to the point: does the carpet match the drapes?
Maybe YOU want to know the answer.
Oh God, I love you for this. It's probably the latter.
I love you, too, 12X34X.
Get a room, you two, geez.
Definitely the latter. I can't imagine that worthless bastard doing ANYthing that a focus group hadn't approved first.
*beep* "They caught you not telling the truth" What a funny guy!
If there were a "beep" every time one of those clowns told a whopper, it would sound like the censored version of a Tarantino film.
Sorry, couldn't resist.
I miss Johnny…
Guys if you're trying to take down that bitch Mitt Romney, you're going to have to step it up.
Does Ron Paul have Tourette's?
I bet his wife made him drink a whole can of Ensure before he went up on stage. My purse weighs more than this little crap weasel.
Yeah a whole can of Ensure laced with crystal meth is more like it.
shitshitshitshitfuck Federal Reserve shitshitshitfuckshit
Ron Paul bringing it! Disenchanted blacks will leave Obama camp and vote for Ron, especially when he talks about black injustice in the legal system. Boo yeah!
Someone needs to check the batteries in the carbon monoxide detectors at the frat house.
Libertrian feedback. Kind of like a overflowing toilet only stinkier.
Mitt Happens!
Did Santorum just say he grew up in a coal mine?
Frothy mixture/Lorretta Lynn '12
Santorum/Edwards 2012, more likely. Do it for Gabriel & Elizabeth.
Where it's dark as a dungeon, damp as the dew…
he is an Uruk Hai?
Lobbying = Causes!
Frank Luntz, you fuckin' devil, you! Looks like Perry ain't the only Slick Rick in this race. Rick just loves America so much, you guys! Come on!
Is he slicker than santorum, though?
The original interjection on the bridge in "Hey, ya!" was really, really raunchy.
Two whole answers and Santorum hasn't said a word about people's dangly bits. Look for him to suddenly blurt out PenisPenisPenisPenis! and then mop his forehead in sweaty relief.
Multiple upfists for your new tag. May you break 100 tonight.
OMG, thank you so much. It's been a ridiculous slog and frankly, I don't think I'm cut out for competitive commenting.
I'm prolly gonna take some time off when I break 100, visit Disneyworld, get to know my kids.
We're with you!
Sweaty Santorum. Eeeeewwww!
Worse than cooties.
So true.
Paul's eyebrow is creeping north.
Fifty-Four Forty of Fight!
What a clown show (with apologies to clowns everywhere)
Roland Barthes wrote a masterly essay on clowns. I think the goopers would have left even him speechless.
Well, if you mean the John Wayne Gacy kind of clown, yeah.
Perry speaks!
Duh!
Duh!
Doh!
Earmarks are people too!
Newt has his hands in his pockets & is smirking. Prime time fapping?
Newt's brain: "I'm the most brilliant genius in this room. Time to rub one out!"
The only thing that turns Newt Gingrich on more than himself, is himself but on national TV.
So when he's on top of Calista, he's imagining he's on top of himself on national TV?
I guess this is what "reality" TV has led to.
Something suddenly came up. Patriotism.
Rick Santorum wanted to take away people's unemployment benefits when we were running surpluses, I believe is what he just bragged about.
Was Perry huffing helium?
Hunstman is so boring. Almost boring as Tim Pawl…zzzz….
EDIT: You coward chicken-shit.
I was just thinking the same thin…….zzzzzzzzzzzz
Ron Paul bringing it! Disenchanted blacks will leave Obama camp and vote for Ron
Ha! And I'm the president of the Philipines.
No one believed you the first time you said that rubbish.
Who was/is this Tim Pawl you mention? Are they related to Ron Pawl?
"When we were running surpluses" um, that would be under a democratic President. and frothy mixture spent that time trying to screw poor people and poor, old people.
This is impossibly embarrassing.
Gobbledygook !
Drink!
Did Huntsman buy some Ron Paul eyebrows?
You can't actually buy them. You sort of corral them onto your forehead until they decide to crawl away.
Oh no! Huntsman is going to go Chinese on us!
Better than turning Japanese on us!
Do it right! (LOL)
http://video.search.yahoo.com/video/play?p=turnin...
Mitt's looking like a freshly sheared Cowardly Lion, tonight.
This.
People you need to click on Barackmyworld's link.
Is that why Che1y had to drop outta the race?
It would explain the crazy eyes, I think.
Oh yeh, baby.
I will buy that pay per view for $50, minimum.
I'm starting to get this weird feeling Romney doesn't like Obama.
Apropos of nothing MrLimeylizzie, who has been sitting quietly next to me, said "How about those podia". God, I love that man.
Wow, how smart. He used the proper plural. Is he a native-born American?
Why, yes he is from Salt Lake City, no less, not a Mormon though.
From SLC and not a Mormon, and at the time your husband grew up there? That had to have built a lot of character. lol
Yeah, look at what the experience did to Roseanne.
Love to Mr. Lizzie!
He appreciates the love.
Does he do a good German officer impersonation?
Somehow, I suspect he does.
Not as good as I wish, but he tries, looks the part though.
Practice makes perfect!
Is that the cologne that drives Marcus wild?
Newt just called Ron a shit-talker. lol That's like the pot calling the kettle pompous.
It's like the pot calling the kettle "bla-".
Let's get Newt's dander up, shall we?
Has Santorum ever brought up the fact that he and Romney were both U.S. Senate candidates in 1994, but only one of them got elected?
Newt you couldn't go into the army because you were too goddam fat. Let's not be revisionist.
Newt's dad was in the military…so Newt knows everything about the military, and how dare Ron — who was in the military — brings up his record. Fuck you, Newt.
I forget, was that the dad he never knew, or the one he knew but couldn't stand?
Ron ran him through pretty good, I thought. Brought tears to my eyes.
Thank you for serving our country in the military, Ron Paul. That's the only nice thing I am going to say about you.
Someone needs to ask Mitt why he didn't run for re-election in 2006. If his answer is anything other than "My constituents hated my guts," he's lying.
Ron Paul just drank Newt's milkshake and then belched lustily.
lolz
That really was awesome, wasn't it?
I'm sitting here masturbating while replaying it in my mind.
Now where's a bowling pin when you need it?
Newt the chickenhawk is spanked.
Lets get Mittens and the his kids.
MLK was a Libertarian! Who knew?
Newt got called a draft dodger. Go crazy grandpa.
Martin Luther King Jr.'s my FAVORITE Libertarian says Paul.
Break time, gotta fold my undies before they melt in the dryer. Smoke 'em if you got 'em.
Jesus Barb, what I'd give to smoke your undies.
Eww. Just eww.
Paul encourages us to send more rich white people to the electric chair….
Hello, Darling.
I love saying podia.
You must be Mister Limeylizzie!
Now that is a newsletter I would sign up for!
Fry Whitey! Let's start with Mittens!
The smell of cinnamon would be wafting through the air of the death chamber.
Breaktime. Can I refill anyone's drink?
A shot of Jack and leave the bottle.
Please and thank you!
I can help myself to the box of Australian shiraz, but thank you.
Ron Paul has noticed that there is unfairity in law enforcement, shocking.
He lost a lot of conservatives with that.
I can't believe how Ron Paul turned a question about his racist, homophobic newsletters into a rallying cry to fry rich, white people in the chair! lol! How he wasn't booed is surprising.
I want to hate him, but I just can't.
I love him because he's like a wrecking ball.
The better he does, the more disenchanted the Republican base is with the party's platform. Go Ron Go!
This is a real change from Paul's last run where he'd just roll around the stage and let the other candidates scritch his belly
The vet needs to put one of those white cones around his neck until those eyebrows grow back.
lolz!
I love you guys!
Oh, Barb!
Time to refill my homemade raspberry mead. Cheers!
Recipe or gtfo
Raspberries, honey, water and yeast.
And time.
I dunno. Sounds European.
Night Bureau? Is that the one next to the bed with a bottle in the top drawer?
Banning contraception? #Don'tOccupyMyUterus
Mitt can't believe how crazy some of Santorum's ideas are.
Yah, Santorum makes Mormonism look like a mainstream religion.
Contraception must be in conflict with Mitt Romney's mormon underwear.
Oh, thanks, mighty Overlord Ken! I waited until past the last minute, took off in a moment of self-loathing to watch the debate myself on the TeeVee, and then you start the liveblog! I come back to the computer to re-rearrange the synapses in my brain so I can put two intelligent thoughts together in a row, and find I'm 89 comments behind. Oh well, I have my merlot with me, and now I don't have to watch the lizards on the stage flicking their forked tongues in and out!
Although I kind of like watching the Texas shrimp cranking against all the other shitstains up on the stage.
It's fucked up that Romney thinks Paul is a constitutional scholar.
Makes the heart weep, no?
And the mind recoil in horror.
Yeah, he doesn't hold a candle to Man Coulter.
George just rightfully said that Mitt took both sides of the issue, and the fuckin' audience boo'ed George. lol Truth hurts, don't it?
Make Mittens answer the question Mr. stephannopolbolstisweraasanffjsdfjsffkjbf.
Another shocker, the GOP candidates want to overturn Roe v. Wade. But I love Ron Paul for saying the th patriot act is wrong.
That's totes okay, though. Only dirty sluts (*cough*Mrs Santorum*cough*) need abortions and who cares about those welfare queens, anyway?
Let's talk Karen Santorum's abortion.
The gay question has come up.
Gingrich endorses being on the "down low."
.. and Perry quietly sighs with relief.
Sacrament of marriage? Newt, you fat fuck!
Sacrament of marriage? Which one of Britney Spears or Kim Kardashians were sacraments?
The State doesn't administer sacraments, you motherfucking fat piece of shit.
I'm pretty sure that the Filibuster is a Republican sacrament.
Nice!
No shit and not one of these jerk-off "journalists" made the least attempt to call him on that "sacrament" bullshit.
But there is an administration in Sacramento.
Oh goody, let's listen to the adulterer lecturing on the sacrament of marriage.
Not just "the adulterer" but "the multiple adulterer." THREE marriages, and only deity knows how many affairs. What a prick.
Newt believes in "traditional marriage" ask any of his three wives.
Well, at least the one currently on the payroll.
all of 'em, Barb?
Playoff football in one window, Wonkette liveblog in the other, and it's only quarter to seven on the West Coast so I can still go out tonight if I'm in the mood. Well played, Saturday.
Oh shit, tomorrow I'm going to run down to the JP and get the "sacrament" of marriage. Fuck you Newt.
It's been 20 minutes since we've heard from our Worthly Wokette overlords. Should we send out a search party?
OK, I just got the live feed to work; and broke off watching The Muppets Take Manhattan for this; hope it's worth it.
Think of the debate as The Muppets Take Washington D.C.
That is definitely Muppet libel!
No.
MG
My daughter is watching cartoons and there's a better chance Strawberry Shortcake might say something I'll agree with.
Gates McFadden, in addition to being the movie's choreographer, is terrific as the agent's secretary.
Ooo, they are making them squirm, aren't they? Here they are in the state of Live free or Die! being asked about same-sex issues.
Wait, there are only gay couples in some states? Huh?
Duh. When so called "marriage equality" was passed in New York, I was forced (FORCED!) to divorce my husband and marry this random chick with huge knockers.
True story.
I wish someone would force me to marry a chick with huge knockers.
Happened to me. Mostly it's good.
Well, I wasn't *forced,* so, yeah. Mostly good.
How thoughtful of Diane to ask Mitt to speak "in human terms."
Fuck, these evil assholes are playing the "I hate gay people more than you" game.
You know what's fun is how this isn't 2004 anymore and those positions are going to bite them in the ass down the road.
Is Huntsman the only one that can even bring himself to say "civil unions"? All of them are talking about considering them, but can't even bring themselves to say the term.
Mitts in favor of gay contracts, but not gay marriages? Presumably, thrice-married Newt is the only one whose marriages have ever been threatened.
What the hell did I miss? Is it true that Ron Paul wants to randomly execute white people?
Yeay! Newt Gingrich gets bored. Calls out the media for the Hell of it.
Oh, yeah, the Catholic church is the victim, here. These fuckers are morally bankrupt, not that we didn't already know that.
Secular bigotry! Gaaahhhhhh!
Pope Gingrich, fuck you with a red, hot incense burner.
Newt's a fucking altar boy now?
Yeah Newt. Christians are so repressed. gag.
Actually, they are repressed. Hellishly so. Oppressed? Yeah, not so much.
They are very repressed; some people actually treat non-Christians as if they are actual human beings instead of vermin who should whatever Christians tell them.
Fuck you, Newt; telling religious organizations they can't be bigoted against gay people or non-Christians is not anti-Christian bigotry. Fuck you assholes hard; telling Christians they have to treat gay people as humans is not bigotry; it's anti-bigotry.
My blood pressure has done gone through the roof. Whiskey is good for that, right?
And don't forget, the only racism is reverse racism.
"Please don't interrupt me, you rude young man!" Ron Paul's gonna turn George S. over his knee.
Someone explain to me how banning gay marriage is any different from banning interracial marriage — I mean, other than these racist-pandering white f**ktards would roll back the clock on the latter if they thought it would get them one more vote.
Oh man, nothing like a Saturday night, a GOP debate, and Ken Layne live-blogging it, NOTHING.
Thank you.
That's not going to get you extra p. Ken doesn't control that.
Dude, I'm talking about sitting in front of the computer on Saturday night during a GOP debate. I'm not looking for extra p, I'm looking for a gun.
Any one of these candidates would make an awesome Mullah. If only we lived in a country that didn't discriminate against the very idea of such.
Aw hell. Being a mullah in this country is extremely profitable and not only acceptable, but honored. I wonder, if I could ask my now-departed but eternally awesome and super-humanly amazing linguistics prof, Julian Boyd, if the word "mullah" shares indo-european roots with the monikers of western religious apparatchiks. I'd bet my last can of hobo beans on it.
The only difference between our mullahs and their mullahs is in the style of their vestments and the amount of their salaries.
***
"Depending on which book
You're using at the time
Can't use their book
It's all lies
Gotta use mine
Ain't that right?" – Frank to the Z
Is Diane Sawyer drunk?
Does a newspaper man drink a scotch or two in the woods? Yes.
Is she ever not?
I just want to know how she appears to have a special soft focus soft lens on her all the time. I want one of those. and to be drunk on live network TV and still get paid millions of dollars. Also.
She used to work for Nixon. You'd think her tolerance for bullshit would be higher.
Working for Nixon might explain her tolerance for alcohol.
Good job, keep these dumb motherfuckers jabbering about how many angels can sit on each others' faces while balanced on the head of a pin – every minute they spend on this shit turns off another ten thousand voters.
I just yelled "fuck you" at Romney so loudly that the dog slunk away. I dislike him more with each debate. I can see why the party ilk have the yuck factor when it comes to Mitt.
"War on Religion" by not signing on with Defense of Marriage Act? The fuck is fucking Rick Purrah goin' on about?
I hope all of the red meat for the proles that's being thrown out there will be donated to a worthy cause after this Tea Klux Klan vaudeville show is over.
I wish I had the flag pin concession at these debates.
Oh yeah, Perry's here, I forgot. One-ups Newt and calls out Obama's "War on Religion". Tepid applause, lol. Hang it up Rick.
Rick Perry is the new Santorum. He's far off to the left of the stage and no one gives a shit what he says.
But a lot of people take a shit when he says it.
Huntsman thinks Vietnam was a bad idea? He has no chance now – oh wait, he had none to begin with.
Big, long, hard…Gingrich.
Rick Perry looks like the chunky gal with the harelip at the dance. No one is paying attention to him.
Would I!
Peg leg! Peg leg!
Newt is really a buzz killer.
Newt and Santorum, get a room already.
And a dog,
Oh, and Newtie-Tootie is telling us we should all be afraid of Muslims. It's not a problem at all, and the Middle East is none of our fucking business, assholes.
"Because three-wife adulterer and 'Catholic convert' Newt Gingrich said the REAL problem in America is 'anti Catholic bigotry.'"
Newt, you fat piece of shit. Yes, those poooooooooor Catholics! They're not allowed to get married or adopt children, and no one protects young Catholics from bullying…
… Oh wait. I think you have "Catholics" confused with "teh gheys", you disgusting fuck.
Probably a good thing the Obama shut down Catholic orphanages (?). Just holding pens for the priests.
Oh shut the fuck up Rick Sanitorium, you idiot. America is soft!! Big horse! As Newt just said! Fuck you.
Santorum: "This President is a not a paranoid, insane racist; how dare he!"
Yeah now! When would they? When the world ends– Oh wait…
Get back into Iraq? The GOP has jumped the fuckin shark.
Rick Perry is serially stupid. It's as scary as it is pitiful.
Yee-dawgies! Rick Purra wants to get back into Iraq! Because Iran is going to pour in there now at the literal speed of light! Jesus fuckin' Christ.
Perry, I wish Obama had kowtowed to his "liberal, leftist base", instead of constantly betraying us as he has.
Newt destroyed the Soviet empire! Yay!
Iran is moving "litrally at the speed of light" back into their parent's basement.
Mitt Romney is speaking and zzzzzzz…….
If the president was giving an address, every month, you'd be complaining about him granstanding, Mitt. Fuck you; fuck you very much, thank you.
Ronnie, we don't have a king (technically), but you don't realize how many people in this country wish that we did. I mean, you can't even imagine how badly they yearn for an honest-to-goodness, authoritarian king.
Ping pong, China, Iran…yep, that's Ron Paul.
If you took part of Ron Paul and part of Huntsman you might have half of a human
pirates? ping-pong? The fuck is that old cranky Ron Paul goin' on about? scary crazy.
Ron Paul, it doesn't matter how much sense you can make on foreign policy; you're still nuts and your economic ideals would mean the creation of a feudal aristocracy.
Someone just totally needs to nail home that a vote for any of these Republican candidates is a vote for a war with Iran. I mean, just cold tie this around their collective neck, and sink them to the bottom of their putrid, fetid swamp they call a party.
If you like Afghanistan and Iraq, you'll love this new Iranian misadventure.
Diane Sawyer would surely do that except it appears she recently took a six-pack of Valium.
Santorum just called Barack a "Chicago politician" Rick, you are a Chicago deep dish pussy.
I love that talking point. They should come to Miami if they want to see some real deal corruption. We make Chicago look like little leaguers.
Marco Rubio Libel!!!
The only Presidency that choad has a chance at is Cuba's, after Raul dies. Marco will try to be the Caribbean Ahmed Chalabi.
Iranians respect America. So we need a president who will invade Iran.
Wait, what? Oh, it's Ricky Shartlube – I shouldn't expect sense.
I honestly can't see why Iran would want the bomb. I mean, the only thing we've done is threaten them every day with invasion since Dubya was inaugerated. People seem to get that the New American Century was yelling for war with Iran before even 9/11, and the only reason we didn't topple Iran is because of Dubya's daddy issues with Iraq's Saddam.
The religious and political top echelons want the bomb as a last-gasp attempt to invoke that most base of feelings: National Pride.
It's the same thing that the ruling Argentinian military junta attempted in the 80s by invading the Malvinas/Falkland Islands. An attempt at "YAY US" bullshit when the country was falling to pieces. I think the recent faux-election unrest shows the writing is on the wall for the mullahs and Ahmadinejad, let alone the revolutions in other toxically-religously-led countries in the region, and they're scared as fuck.
It's my understanding that yer average young Iranian on the street just wants more freedom… which doesn't include horseshit religious rules against dancing.
Aw, I'm ranting. It has to come from the young Iranians, and it will.
This is the truth. Also, it was reported that the head of Iran's central bank might be resigning because sanctions seem to really be hitting home in Iran. Even if they weren't, an nuclear Iran is not the end of the world. I know it's not a popular thing to say, but Paul is right on this. What could be the end of the world is America overextending itself in another war against another economic backwater.
Interesting that when North Korea not only acquired nuclear techology, but tested a nuclear weapon under George W. Bush, no one attributed it to W's weakness.
Nor did anyone suggest going to war with North Korea, even though we have a bunch of troops right there on the border.
Oh, sorry, applying logic and consistency again. I'll cut that out.
Since? Dood, we went in there and deposed their lawfully elected leader and replaced him with our puppet who ruled for us for DECADES before any of this shit happened. Americans have the attention span of a gnat, but the rest of the world has long memories. The Chinese still haven't forgiven the Chiang Kai Shek debacle or the American protection of Japanese war criminals from the human experimentation labs of Manchuria. The recent bomb incident in Seoul is attributed to the grandchild of a "comfort woman" from China. Old scars, long memories. The US government has been on the wrong side of many many battles in the developing world. We'd best do our best to keep them from dragging us into Iran. Again.
I know that we've been fucking with Iran forever, and that we haven't been friendly with one another for decades, but it was only with Dubya in office that there were actual rumblings of bombing the place. And, it was only because of Dubya's war-mongering lackeys that Immanutjob was even elected to begin with, and while they are looking for the bomb, further wratcheting up tensions.
Iran has been a whipping boy by us for a very long time, but after the revolution, we largely let the place be. We didn't like them, but we didn't see them as some imminent military threat. Dubya gets in and all of a sudden it's "sound the alarms" and "axis of evil" bullshit. It was Dubya's war mongers that took a simmering, but stable threat, and tried to get Iran to overreact, and they partially succeeded in getting Iran to seek the bomb.
It wasn't until Dubya that this nation whose economy is the size of Virginia's magically became an existential threat to the United States and/or its allies. It's such an incredibly cynical and transparent run up to war that it's embarrassing.
I know, I know. You're an erudite tadpole, by gum, and well-informed to boot. I was just having a minor explosion of pointless rage and hatred, as is my wont of a late evening before pain meds.I'm SO stealing Immanutjob, OK?
Ricky Shartlube – I LOVE it!
And Ricky, when you where in the Senate – you were kicked out. You lost by the greatest margin ever for an incumbent who was not facing a scandal. Everybody in Pennsylvania hated you, and still does; the fact is, you are stupid, you are ugly, and nobody likes you.
You forgot crazy.
And his Mom dresses him funny.
The Iranian people love us. Well, you learn something new everyday.
They just cut off Paul right when he was about to destroy Santorum's warmongering talking points.
CRAP CRAP CRAP. I just got here and I'm sober aaaaaack. Hang on hang on! How many times has the frothy mixture said abortion? Is a whole bottle enough??
For Dogs sake man…. Drink!
Now that's bad advice; it should be for dog's sake woman… Drink!
Now what on earth is Rick Sanitarium yakking about??! Obama stood by while a bunch of people got stomped to death in the streets?! When? Where??!
Do they all just stand there and make up shit for a couple hours? Is this what's known as a "debate" these days? Is anyone actually listening to these gasbags?!
Did Ron Paul say you need a search warrant to abort a fetus?
Gotta find 'em before you can abort them…
Yes. We will be greeted as 'liberaters in Iran. Just like Iraq, remember?
George is the guy from the Fifth Dimension that was always messing with Superman?
God, the idiots at ABC talk about "the mainstream media" according to the Republicans' framing, talking about alleged liberal bias as if it actually exists even as they show the right-wing bias that actually controls our media.
What's with the bridge question? T-Paw dropped out many months ago.
Oh wow, this break was WAYYYYYYY shorter than the previous one.
Mitt passed on the opportunity to brag about his work at Bain. Interesting.
Yeah, it was all about creating jobs, the money just kinda fell in his pockets.
Mitt, President Obama didn't create welfare. Bush created a longer line at the welfare office though.
Hey, Mittens; becoming a "European-style Social Welfare State" would be great; but I don't think Obama is that good.
I think Newt forgot he was deathmatching with Romney.
Right? I got my Jerry Springer bell all shined up and everything.
Newt, you fucking dick, most of the refined oil product from Texas is exported. The same would be true when Keystone is completed.
I like how John Huntsmann would make laws without Congress. Fuck yeah, that would make you a President able to do stuff. without congress.
Ooh, Huntsman talking about removing loopholes from the tax code. What's the betting he's not talking about oil company subsidies?
So much for Huntsman's sanity. Fuck him and his flat tax nonsense.
He lifted the mask. He's just another tax-breaks-for-the-rich cunt.
Precisely.
I figured the "Huntsman is the sane one" stuff would only last until he opened his mouth where people could hear him. He is a Rethuglican, after all.
Not only that, he's FAR to the right of where most reasonable Republicans would have been ten years ago. He espoused the Ryan Budget Plan before most other Republicans, and despite the fact that it will cost more than anything Pres. O has proposed. He has yet to retract that position despite the CBO's analyses. He's just another pandering whore, just better dressed and more sciency-sounding.
Mark Mc Kinney Libel!!!
Did Santorum buy his suit at Robert Hall or Montgomery Ward?
How the fuck are corporate taxes and regulations destroying business when they are lower than they have been since the 1920s?
Santorum usually sounds like Ron Paul. Not tonight. That's a good thing.
Do any of these motherfuckers have an upper lip?
Thank you for that question! What the fuck is wrong with all these guys? None of them has lips, not one. They've got thin pink ridges of muscle where humans would have lips. They're fucking alien invaders, man, aliens!
Good God. I hate Santorum even worse now that he thinks he's somebody. I liked "hey look at me, somebody talk to me" Santorum way better.
Manufacturing is kaput in PA because of repub party bullshit, santorum!
Choking the chicken again, Biff?
America on the Move – RESTORE AMERICA – when Ron Paul says that, he really means it y'all. Restoring PREcivil rights America.
Apparently, Ron wants to return America when property rights were supreme, when there was no heavy hand of government forcing people to acquiesce to arbitrary and oppressive regulations. You know, before people existed.
Hell, he wants to restore to Precambrian America.
The "Obama Economy", Milf? Really? That's such egregious dissembling that it actually hurts.
Six months from now when the unemployment rate is below 8% again, they'll give credit to George Bush's policies.
That's how they played the heady days of the 90's, all because reagan.
Just how many middle income Americans are taxed on their capital gains? I don't think middle income means what you think it means, Mitt.
Mitty, during the days of John F. Kennedy the top marginal tax rate was 90%; yes, let's go back to that.
Oh, you don;t want to raise taxes on dividends or capital for the middle class? Well that's easy, since no middle class people have dividends or capital gains.
Hahaha, Rick Perry is a cartoon character of stupid.
Imagine realizing that in 2001, yet being stuck with him ruining your state for 10 more years.
Been there. Done that. Have the T shirt.
Oh no, RIck Perry, you really shouldn't do the "hey, are these fuckers stupid or is it just me" face. It's NOT just you by any means, but you reallly are stupid. And on the end tonight I see.
Perry's first act as President would be to put the R back in Warshington.
His second act would be to put the war back in Warshington.
And his third – adding closet space to the Oval Office.
He could reinstate the antechamber where Bill kept Monica, just gay it up a little bit. Less Big Mac, more watercress sandwiches.
They're all looking at Perry like he just got off the short bus.
A Lunesta ad? Who needs Lunesta when you've got a republican debate? If one these idiots becomes president it'd produce more thoughts of suicide than all the Lunesta ever made.
These fucks should do well in South Cackalacky.
Wendy's Diner!
Drink?
He'd be far it.
Right to Work! Raaarh! **tepid New Hampshire applause**
What a dangerously and criminally stupid man.
Which one?
You did not just leave that opening did you?
All of them Katie …
I did it just for you, my furry friend!
OK, maybe I didn't. Damn, can't turn your back on NObody around here.
Something about Rick Purrah's mannerisms, face, words, haircut, clothes, facial expressions, beady little hateful eyes, bullying strutting way of just being, makes me want to fill up a pillow case with nuts and bolts and other pieces of heavy metals and just fuckin' wham the bejeezus out of him.
Something about that craggy face and obvious residual brain damage makes me think you may already have.
Only in my dreams.
Sock full of pool balls would do it.
Quarters, too.
Mitt wouldn't know a middle-class American if it sat on his face.
Extreme overhang, Mitty? If this goes on much longer, I'm going to have an extreme hangover tomorrow morning.
Romney remembers parts of the preamble now!
"O Beautiful. for spacious skies,
For amber waves of grain…."
Tax cuts = pursuit of happiness!
Tax cuts are people, too, my friend!
What a Romnelescent thing to say.
"Romnelescent" – You, sir, have won the debate thread.
It's something that's been "twirlin' 'round my head" since yesterday. I also like that if Romney loses the primaries and then other candidates follow, I can all describe them with the same word.
Romnelescence: Of, or relating or pertaining to, a failed political campaign/candidate.
Reused line 'in Obama's bones'. Lousy piMitt.
Obama thinks in his heart and his bones. Republican candidates think in their dicks and their assholes.
I beginning to think that Mittens believes the shit he's saying.
I still think this says it best…
GAH, closeup of Calypso!
OH BLEEEECH! The camera just focused on Callista!!! Why, Jeebus, WHYYYYYY!
Robotic camera likes pretty robot ol' lady.
Does Newt throw a bag over that face when he fucks Callista? She looks like a bird of prey. Goddam.
The Gingriches will never have a mouse problem.
Unless Newt needs a midnight snack, and Coalcoa is tranqed out.
Ever since I first saw her, I thought she'd make a pretty good Angry Bird, but I haven't developed her killer app yet.
Puts pennies on her eyes …
Hey Newt; Obama is not trying to create a radical European socialist state; and the country would be much better off if he did
Oh, and Ricky? There are classes in America, you moron.
Who was curly-hair??
Mrs. Dr. Pauly
Now I know, Barack Obama invented the term "Middle Class." Thanks Foamy.
Haha Santorum says he will use the language of bringing people together. Deluded much?
Cuz gheys and folks who want contraception aren't people, obvs.
The ones he did bring together would be well-lubricated.
Joe Klein saw starbursts.
Seriously, has he been righ about any politician, ever? Even when he wrote under an assumed name he was off base.
Cage fights are a way of "bringing people together".
Bringing people and dogs together.
Death tax, eh, Newt?
Maybe you should read Jefferson's ideas about the the estate tax, and how a progressive estate tax would create a more equal society.
Mitt: Polyia.
He's slipping into this alien language…zurble blu blah blee! Errr…I mean, freedom, safety, and the pursuit of happiness!
Foam-ass: "There are no such things as classes!!! We are a classless society. In fact, many times I've been told I have no class."
OMG they just flashed a couple of Sanitorium spawn on the screen. I recognized them from that classic photo from the LAST time Ricky failed horribly. His pouty-faced daughter is older but still pouty-faced, and that spooky-looking bespectacled boy is still spooky-looking.
Romney: Trade imbalances began with Obama.
Mitt lives in the economy.
Mint is wrong about "most productive workers" according to the facts. However, facts do have a liberal bias.
Thank Darwin – the live feed just froze as I was about to throw my hiking boot at Shitt Romney on the monitor.
I finally got the live feed rebooted, and Romney was still babbling!
Mitt said "We have the right…to pursue happiness as we choose". Unless being gay-married makes you happy. Then, you're fucked.
I thought "happiness" only applied to old, straight, rich, white guys.
You know, real Americans.
Yeah, or wanting healthcare when you're a poor, or anything like that.
Or not f**ked, as the case may be.
Minneapolis Airport bathrooms are people, too.
Tell John Huntsmann all about how you want to tell China what to do, Mitt- cause we are in a position of such power with them. Awesome.
Fakata I am so in love with your avatar. I realize that you are a stinking hippie who lives in someone's basement, but nevermind.
Oh no! He IS a 5th column infiltrant! Abort mission!!! Role up the defense barrier! Huntsman IS one of them…
Oh well listen to Mr. SmartyPants fella, all talkin' Chinese and shit.
I'm as hard as Chinese algebra.
Tom Waits. Many people just don't get it.
China…they're hacking your computers, copying your movies…hide your kids, hide your wife
China is 4chan?
Is that like charliechan?
Bored and petulant teenagers have been doing this ever since they discovered that you can't even set your DVR. It was VCR back when I was a teen, but we do try and keep up.
I bet you that hearing Mandarian scared the ever-living fuck out of that crowd.
In the 70's, the joke was, "If you're an optimist, you learn to speak Russian, if you're a pessimist, you learn to speak Chinese."
Looks like the pessimists win again.
We certainly made that joke in the intel section…
I can't figure out why Huntsman even wants to be the Republican nominee. If he had any self respect he would've waited four years and tried to sell himself to the other party. Democrats don't reach for their guns every time someone uses a word they don't understand.
It's because although Huntsman likes having a hip cool veneer, at heart he really is a Republican, and not a "moderate Republican," either. If you knew what his politics really were like, you would run screaming from him. Suffice it to say that in two terms as Governor of Utah, he treated major polluters as capable of being self-regulating, giving them a slap on the wrist at worst. Incidentally, his father's billions (and his own) come from the Huntsman Chemical corp., known and blatant polluter of poor and minority communities. Google "Huntsman Odessa TX" for details.
Huntsman is just half-batshit insane in a field of super-batshit insanity, so he looks totally reasonable. Kinda clever, in a way.
It's not even that.
The only real difference between Huntsman and the frontrunners isn't that he's not bat-shit crazy, it's simply a difference of style. Huntsman is non-confrontational and conflict-averse. He likes to win with a smile, and has the ability to listen, if even not ultimately take any of your suggestions into real consideration. That's it. All it is is a personality/behavior difference. You stack on top of that that you can look pretty moderate when the conservatives in your conservative homestate are so far to the right as to have fallen off the spectrum, and Huntsman "moderation" is an illusion and deceit.
Huntsman is far more conservative than Mitt Romney, and more conservative than Newt Gingrich, both of whom are conservatives of convenience. Mitt is a conservative if it helps him win, and Newt is a conservative for the right price. Huntsman is a conservative because that's the only thing he knows. He's from Utah; that's all he could be growing up there. The Mormonism there is based on very conservative, self-reliant ideals.
A lot of Democrats are just Republicans with a "hip cool veneer." Huntsman could fit right in.
He's burned some bridges with both parties, true. But far too many Democrats run screaming in terror from the label of liberalism, and consider a Republican-turned-Democrat the Holy Grail of that all-important "bipartisanship." If he'd been willing to wait a few more years, he might well have been VP in a Democratic administration.
His eagerness to belong to a club that won't have him makes me question his political judgment, if not his self respect.
I'm not sure it's "eagerness to belong," necessarily. I suspect it's more of his hip, cool "I'm so much better than you" outlook combined with the knowledge that his actual sympathies would make most Democrats shun him. His natural home IS in the Republican party. He's just waiting for the Republicans to wake up and realize that he is their Next Best Saviour.
Nice slap down of Romney by Huntsman. That jibe about a trade war made Romney look like an idiot.
That debate left me feeling like I need a Silkwood shower, *shiver*. I'm going back to watching the football game so that I won't have nightmares tonight.
OK, this was better than anything that the debate had to offer; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fFVUcTaISDc
What country can we pay to take these pandering asshats off our hands? Serbia? Burma? Nigeria?
Maybe we could start a letter of."millions of dollars sitting inthe bank" scheme.
They could give con artistry/grifting seminars at the Learning Annex in Nigeria.
Africa?
Languages spoken:
Huntman: Chinese
Romney: French
Newt: Washingtonese
Santorum: Old Testament Hebrew
Paul: Austrian
Perry: Bushian
Cain: Pokemonian
Christie: Pig Latin
Trump: Trumponese
Bachmann: Psychobabble
Palin: Money
Money doesn't talk, it screams.
"Daddy makes us spank ourselfs."
Huntsman put peepee in Romney's Coke.
Uh, Mormons don't drink Coke. Urine, I'm not sure.
No Coke, Pepsi!
Yes, they do. Ever since one of 'em bought a distributorship, and it needed to be propped up. Special dispensation, good to this day.
A Mormon bought a urine distributorship? Eww!
I'm going to buy a urine distributorship. It's the only way I'll ever be able to have as many pee as Barb or Soros.
Can't wait to hear the Osmonds remix to the remix of Ignition.
Shorter version: Moar War, Moar Munniez For Teh Rich. End of debate.
You forgot, no gays, no rights, no intelligence. Scary.
You could've led with this and saved us all a couple of hours…
Perry would be at the shootin range because he has a tiny penis.
"We are back and so grateful for this debate."
You and who else, Diane?
Whoever is sponsoring Sunday's debate should be grateful to ABC for not making this one particularly meaningful. Chock this one up to "we don't want to be accused of liberal bias so we'll act like pussies"?
Hey, this is a whole helluva lot better than when CNN actually teamed up with the tea party, last year, to host a debate. I also liked that ABC seemed to irk everyone up on the stage for asking so many questions about gay marriage so much to the point of where "Professor" Newt and the Mitt came out and chastized the moderators for sticking on the subject.
Bassetball!Football!This has been a boring debate. Newt has not leapt across the podia to eviscerate Mittens and dance around in his offal. Santorum has not called anathema on the heretics. Paul has not fried Huntsman with his lethal gamma radiating eye sockets. No one has recommended the right kind of socks. Perry has kept his boot gun holstered. I miss the crazy.
Wolf would have mixed it up I bet.
Trump, too.
Enough! "We'll have to leave it there…"
Life's been tough since Cain, Bachmann, and … wait, no, who's the other one?
I would like to see the wives' faces as these assholes all claim they'd be huddled around with the family any other Saturday night. That's how I got to be a guy who thinks he should be President – by spending so much time with my family.
We can only hope they're all "spending more time" with their families this time next year.
fuckin-a, fpd.
No fucking blood at all at this debate. I demand my money back!
We wuz robbed!
Which one do YOU think would win in hand-to-hand combat?
OK so I'm off to watch that college championship basketball game now…er football game…whut? LOL.
The shower of shite is over. Huntsman got some good punches in.
I loved actually when Paultard reiterated his cold "chickenhawk" smack on Newts jowls, which quivered with rage. His return of "Ron Paul talks shit" is even funnier…this is from the guy who engineered and pioneered the most vile levels of partisan acrimony in this country from missives about wingnuts call Democrats "pathetic, sick, insane, corrupt" yadda, yadda to impeaching Clinton as an election strategy. Not to mention his meandering about Democratic corruption and then being tossed out by his own wingnuts. Newt you annoying, monotoned, fat, chickenhawk, chickenshit, fat, stupid, lying, corrupt, fat, whore diamond shopping, fat, asshole…sit down and shut the fuck up.
That was a highlight for me as well, but I would've liked if Paul went after Romney and his sons as well.
I am so glad that there's no historical precedent for huge whining when vicious capitalist shits get beaten by Obama.
oh, I have to throw this quote in:
The election of Roosevelt was upsetting for many conservative businessmen of the time, his "campaign promise that the government would provide jobs for all the unemployed had the perverse effect of creating a new wave of unemployment by businessmen frightened by fears of socialism and reckless government spending."
"…if Santorum hangs around…
YEEEEWWWW!
Holy fuck–is that really Mary Matalin, or James Carville in a wig?
Really. Every time I consider a face lift, I have only to look at something like that.
There's a difference?
OT, because I am sick of this shit. The Colts are going to pick up Andrew Luck in the draft. I predict that the Broncos will seriously look into acquiring Peyton Manning.
Someone's missing. Oh yeah… where's that crazy lady? You know, ol' kookookachoo.. the one with the eyes that could put you in a trance like eating an expired-mayonannaise-and-seroquel sandwich. Good ol' duckface, with the closet-case husband.
Somebody help me out here?!?
Buddy Roemer?
"Newt Gingrich, the historian, notes that marriage has been between “man and woman for 3,000 years.” Before that, obviously, marriage was between a giraffe, a log and a rain cloud."
WRONG AGAIN Wonkette. Before that, marriage didn't exist because people didn't exist because God only created the world 3,002 years ago. For the first couple years, people were marrying the dinosaurs, but God put a stop to that when he gave the dinosaurs AIDS. I learned this at Regent University.
Marriage has existed for 10,000 plus years. My rough take is that it breaks down as follows:
polygyny (1 dude plus multiple chicks): 50 %
monogamy 47%
polyandry 1%
fictive marriage (in which there are no sexual relations) 1%
homosexual marriage (which would include fictive marriage) 1%
I cannot find any evidence for "man on dog" action that Frothy loves so much in the eHRAF. You all are welcome to look at it and draw your own conclusions.
You just brought a fact to a snark fight.
Oh, shit…another one of these? I was just sitting and reading a novel (Umberto Eco's new one, The Prague Cemetary), and I missed it…oh, wait…that makes ME the lucky one, don't it?
I have had that book for a couple of weeks, but not started it. Is it good? (His novels range from great to horrendous imho). Of course, why am I asking a salamander?
Amphibians are the best literary critics around. You do know, of course, that virtually the entire corpus of Post-structuralism was produced by caecilians, right?
Not the one that Simon and Garfunkle sang about, I hope. I hate that song.
No, more the ethnic group most associated with the mafia.
I wouldn't be Saussure about the particular order, but in general, I can Eco that sediment. Most post-structuralist theory originated in swamps, hence the term, "L'ecriture From the Black Lagoon."
1419 just arrived. I'm saving it for speshulz.
It's pretty good; has some of the heavy historical name-dropping and conspiracies-within-conspiracies that made Foucault's Pendulum such heavy sledding, but it's fun. The narrator is a memory-impaired bigot and forger who despises just about every possible grouping of humanity possible, but is awfully engaging to read–sort of an erudite Archie Bunker or a speedfreak version of some Saul Bellow characters.
Also, do you have any idea how hard it is to turn pages when one has only three stubby little fingers and is covered by slime? EDIT: Silly me, this is Wonkette, and we've been following the R debates–we all have some sense of what that's like.
Incidentally, which one of these guys do you think would win in hand-to-hand combat?
It would never get that far. It would be hand-job to hand-job combat. And I think Santorum would surge!
Ron Paul, because he's old and treacherous.
Plus that leathery hide blunts most shivs.
Well, Santorum is about 6'4" with a roundness he hides with sweater vests and mom jeans, so if he could get any one of them on the ground, all he'd have to do to finish them off is sit on 'em.
Then, again, Paul is pretty wiry, and could probably do some surprise grandpa, old-guy jujitsu to immobilize larger opponents.
Doctor Ron is just about the right height to bite everyone else's balls off.
And don't think he won't do it!
Fuck you, Republicans!
Is it over? Wha'd I miss? How many dead?
We'll have to wait for the overnight Neilsen ratings to come in before we know how many died tonight.
Depends. If you're talking about candidates, alas none. If you're talking about brain cells of the dizzy children of Wonkette, countless billions.
Only because we drink to measure, and the measure of drinking required by a republican debate is quite large.
None dead, but since you mentioned Depends, Ron Paul's Depends sustained some battle scars.
Not nearly enough, my friend; not nearly enough.
This is the same George Stephanopoulos who credulously allowed Giuliani to claim that there were no terrorist attacks in the US while Bush was president? And he's hosting a Republican debate? Yeah, I thought so.
Did he ask any of them in a deeply solemn tone of voice, "Does Jeremiah Wright love America as much as you do?"
Ok Mr. Fox, we're leaving now. Here are the keys to the hen house. And remember, you gave us your word.
__I heard there was a debate tonight, And on a more interesting note, the Saints beat the Lions.
So which Olympics is Mittens talking about? Is it the Special Olympics? The Gay Olympics? The Science Olympics (4th-5th grade)? Oh… the *Winter* Olympics? Is that like the X games only alot lamer?
Yeah, yeah, I missed the party. Nothing left in the house but snoring drunks and busted-up pieces of snark laying all over the joint.
Take a picture with your cellphone and post it on FB. That's what I do.
Quick! Hand me that big magic marker and hurry up with the whipped cream already!
Hey, at least you weren't a day late.
Good thing for Rick Perry that I wasn't the moderator for this debate. After saying he would send troops back into Iraq, I would have felt compelled to immediately get up and slap the living shit out of him then drag him off the stage by this necktie. What the fuck is it with these guys?
They're chickenhawks who never served and none of their relatives ever served, either. Or else they couldn't talk so casually about sending people's relatives off to die and be maimed.
After this dismal debate, this gave me a good smile:
RuPaul in New Hampshire: ‘This country was founded by a bunch of men wearing wigs’
RuPaul 2012: Why? 'cause why the fuck not?
I really like RuPaul, but after a whole year of Rand, Ron, and Ryan, I'd like to give the R part of the Paul hypodigm a rest.
Did pizza guy deliver my thin crust with anchovies, pineapple, green chiles and BBQ sauce?
WE SAID LIGHT ON DAH CHEESE…
I just got back from the hospital from going into anaphylactic shock from nuts or peanuts or something. PS: more fun than the 666th crackpot debate! You all were partying with icepicks & I had IV's & poked in the bad way. Sorry Rick Santorum. Nice blingee! Happy Newt Year! Oh, this guy next to me in the ER was screaming about ObamaCare & RomneyCare because they wouldn't admit him to the hospital. The bad news: I'm still alive to have to listen to another Meanest Person On Earth Debate. Who did they want to kill off tonight? Sick people, or did they eat puppies?
All of them, Katie.
If I weren't a rodent, i would have had your avatar.
After that disaster, it's good to wash your brain out by watching hours of snuff movies.
You know, this is a WAR BLOG but we can have some fun as well: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yowJiQZBXrA&fe...
Nice! Used to see him with Junior Wells when we were all about 30 years younger…
Terrible candidates are terrible.
It's not easy to be boring AND crazy, but this group of shit weasels did a fine job of it.
How did Newtie get the Catholic Church to let him in, on wife #3? He must have paid big money to annul the first two marriages, thereby making his children illegitimate. Hussy.
My god, children? Newt has spawned? Aiee!
Nah, the first two marriages don't count; according to Catholic doctrine, marriages performed by heretic Protestants aren't real marriages and so don't need to be annulled.
Does that still mean his children are illegitimate?
Of course! Only marriages sanctioned by the Catholic Church count to god, according to the Catholic Church.
Well, have they been consecrated by a priest under the Sacrament of Transubanalpenetration?
Thanks for adding the wine Blingee…
Why did you end the coverage at 10:13? They were just about to start the Talent Showcase. Newt did a stirring version of 'I'm a Little Teapot.' and Ron Paul singed his eyebrows with one of his flaming batons. Two fire brigades were needed to extinguish it.
During the swim suit contest the crowd was shocked when Mitt appeared in the first two piece worn in the entire history of the competition. It was learned he needed the two piece to cover both of his faces.
Some interesting background on Candidate Gingrich:
http://www.realchange.org/gingrich.htm
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/newt/vani...
A hearty belly laugh on a frosty Sunday morning. This is why I love my imaginary friends. Thank you, and I'm definately stealing Zippity Do Dastan, not that anyone under 50 will get the reference.
Under 50 here & I do get the reference. The Disney Channel, back in its early days (early-to-mid-1980s) used to show old Disney cartoons, musicals & excerpts from their musicals. They showed bits from "Song of the South", as I recall. I don't think they showed the whole musical but maybe they did. Anyway, this was still before "political correctness" caught on. I do remember that some of the older cartoons they aired clearly had characters based on racist stereotypes.
crap, I missed the debate.
I hope there will be many, many more debates that I will most likely miss too.
shouldn't all these churchy McChurches debating and those watching suppose to be in church on a Sunday morning and not hating on a brother?
I am up at an insane hour in LA and there is another fucking debate…with the spookily obsequious David "Uriah Heep" Gregory. Is there another Wonketteer here to live-blog with me?
I would, but I have to get to church.
All the best Lizzie!
It's the debate that last night should have been, it's nasty.
The Manchester City vs Manchester United FA cup tie is over as a contest. That's the only reason I'm watching this crap.
Looks like you spoke to soon…
That was never a red card. City was always going to lose when they were reduced to ten men. As a neutral it was a shit game to watch.
I must have missed the debate, but the top news result was this Wapo story, which reminded me of the incredibly moronic "mentionmachine" thing the Wapo is doing these days with which Pareene had a field day last week. Forget about the debate, and laugh about the terrible new journamalistic web gimmick, instead!
This is the mean girls debate, thanks Newton Leroy.
The best way choose from among this slate of candidates is to imagine which one you would most like to be butt sexing you, and vote for him, because that is what is going to happen.
This isn't a debate. It's a hatefuck for the average American. And those assholes are clapping for this shit?
Wow, you guys are brave for subjecting yourselves to another hour-and-a-half of this voluntary brain damaget. Like a good libtard, I was all cozy at home watching watching this fine French movie http://bit.ly/zgEAiA. And five pages of comments – now I know what it means to be a chickenhawk.
Mmmm…Ludivine Sagnier
http://beautiful-pics.org/pictures/ludivine-sagni...
I just put it in my queue. Thanks.
"Labor stooges?" Like Curly the autoworker, Shemp the electrician, and Moe the plumber?
Mitt's such a man of the people, isn't he?
Dang. Here this was my idea, and I forgot all about it and watched the Saints eating the Lions instead.
Enjoy this as compensation.
~
What?
Santorum says Iran is a theocracy who believes the next life will be better than this one. He's describing what he wants the US to be, so maybe we should bomb ourselves. Look out, San Francisco — here come the B-52s!
The B-52s are coming? Great, Cosmic Thing was one of the first albums I owned on CD! Well a love shack is a little old place where we can get together…
More like this
Santorum was probably thing more of Song for a Future Generation.
Santorum wants to make the 'Murica a theocracy that will get the pedophile protecting Cardinals a' fapping. USA, USA, USA
Wasn't their fault. It was The Culture. Either "Hair" or "Jesus Christ Superstar," not sure which.
Inewt looks like a sunny side up egg platter Sunday special in his yolk-colored ensemble.
Fuck! I was out drinking and having fun with some friends and missed the whole thing. Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!
Newt says "crooks" are STEALING 100 billion a year from Medicare.
Crooks!
You know, "The Middle Class"…
Worse yet, the Olds, with all their "illnesses." Stinking malingerers.
The Huffington Post headline this morning is "MITT GETS HIT, Rivals Go After Romney…"
So….I'm gathering that everyone went home last night and thought of a bunch of crap they wish they'd said so they could use it today?
No, they just kept going all night.
That would've been the only good thing about having Michele in the contest.
Huntsman is right about one thing.
The American people don't trust these crazy, insane, partisan, sleazy, swarmy assholes called "Republicans"…
Someone needs to bring up the matter of how Mitt conveniently got out of the Vietnam War by going off to convert those heathens in France who never heard of God or Christianity before, and the primitive living conditions he had to endure. And then, just as conveniently, once the war was over, how Mr. Misssionary then when on a mission to destroy American businesses and jobs and make himself a zillionaire.
Oui. All the Republican crap about Freedom Fries and THAT is supposed to go unremarked on? I usually consider it not-my-business if someone doesn't serve, but this man AND all his strapping sons have been in prime age through American wars and they consider themselves too busy to be involved. Except for the part where they get to decide we should be in it.
OT but important to me: If Tebow beats my Steelers this afternoon I might have to off myself, so if you don't see me around here on Monday you'll know what happened.
Well, Steelers just scored fieldgoal. I'm so ambivalent: My home team, but not my homie quarterback. Actually – I could give a fuck one way or the other. So I guess I'm still ambivalent.
I guess Baby Jeebus hates you, Jukes, but I really hope you're back here tomorrow. New England will have its way with teh Buncos next week.
Well, I was going to kill myself, but I got an extra-large pizza instead. Which only counts for PARTIALLY killing myself.
Pdog, much of my life has been on-going proof that Baby Jeebus hates me, so that's not news.
Death by anchovy is pretty cruel.
That is a really hard one for me. I don't like Tebow or Brady on a personal level, and though I don't like Big Ben, either, I'm a Steelers fan so long as they aren't playing my team. Yeah, I'm a hater.
I went to a history lecture(with a real historian). It wasn't wonderful but at least 1000 times better than the crap the GOP was spewing. However, thanks for blogging and commenting- so I can be sure I did better with my evening activity
One of us! One of us! One of Us! Six mental midgets hectored by a real midget… Should have been funny in a cruel kind of way, but being retired and all, I just couldn't work it into my busy schedule.
Hey, would I be linkspamming if I recommended, once more, that everyone give a listen, if they haven't already done so, to this week's This American Life story about Where Our Electronic Crap Comes From? (streaming available sometime later Sunday evening…) Worth a listen, especially when our R friends seem to think that we'd have a far better world if only American factories could be freed from tiresome labor and environmental regulations…
As Whitman said, Do I Blogwhore? Well then, I Blogwhore! (OK, link is to the This American Life site, not a blog…)
And yes, I'm typing on a laptop that was no doubt assembled in Shenzhen. I read the NY Times this morning on an e-reader that was no doubt assembled in Shenzhen. I just ordered a new cheapass desktop computer that was no doubt assembled in Shenzhen.
And no, I'm not going to pretend I'm ready to walk away from Omelas, and I know damn well that feeling vaguely disgusted, or even urging other first-world elitists like myself to listen to a Public Radio story, are not really solutions.
What then must we do?
One day I hope the world will realize that we need a Living Wage Law, that it's inhumane to force people to work like this, just like it's inhumane to make kids or let people starve on the streets. There will be lots of screaming from the usual sources, the same ones that said child labor laws would kill the economy, etc.
Then again, Newt wants poor kids to work as janitors, so I expect this won't happen for quite some time.
I try to spend as many of my Ameros as possible on microbrew beer and "local" wine, which is still made in America. Then I do my best not to spill it on my electronic crap.
If I hear one more pundit claim this nomination should already be decided, I'm gonna flip out and start slapping people. Am I the only one whose calendar still says "January"? Let the fuckers beat each other up for a few more months before they have to get in line behind Romneybot.
Time for a career change, I never thought of becoming a Magic Negro!
Thank you, career counselor Owls.
Do i send my CV to Will Smith or Morgan Freeman?
Good question, Mayor_quimby! I see jerbs for us cullud folks!
Smith's not wizened enough, definitely Morgan. And you might throw one James Earl Jones' way. I wouldn't bother with Yaphet Kotto, who quite unfortunately never seemed to fill this niche.
I'm a little late to the game, but
"Newt Gingrich said the REAL problem in America is 'anti Catholic bigotry.'" Does this mean he would have voted for John Kennedy?
Chris Christie is a wrestling character with an elected office.
Actual quote: "Something may go down tonight, but it ain't going to be jobs, sweetheart!"
Stay classy, governor.
Sumo wrestlers post Christie's pic on their refrigerators to remind them not to over-eat.
Choose the light, Jukesgrrl111!
~
Thanks, but I think that's where Tebow is hanging out. As I told Pdog, above, I decided not to kill myself completely but only order an extra-large pizza instead. Since technically the Steelers DID last until the end of regulation play. How could anyone have expected that Denver would NOT win the toss??? Those new overtime rules SUCK.
There was no fucking way I was going to watch another debate after literally just a few hours passed from the other. I'm a glutton for punishment, but I'm not that fucking sick.
I saw a very few limited amount of clips. I hear Huntsman partially redeemed himself after last nights cowardly, awkward performance, and that Newt finally turned himself into a weaponized human.
Here's a recap.
~
Thanks for the link. I'll read it in a minute.
Is the actual thing posted to youtube or anything? I might be able to stomach it, now, if only to see the return of Old "Cut-a-Bitch" Newton Leroy Gingrich.
I'm sure that's more informative than the real debate.
"Newt finally turned himself into a weaponized human"
That made my day.
I forgot exactly where I heard the term; maybe it was the last hour of the coverage of the Iowa caucus from the MSNBC panel. I think it was from Chris Hayes, maybe. They essentially said he'd turn himself into a suicide bomber; they may have even used that term. I'm kind of stunned none of the conservatives caught up on it, but it was really early in the morning. It was after he'd made his concession speech, and they were all remarking on how he was on a suicide mission knowing that there was no way he could win, that he'd continue on driven by nothing but pure hate and spite…you know, the old Gingrich.
I'm stealing it.
Agreed. I haven't watched a single debate and I'm not going to start now and ruin my perfect record. And scar my brain.
Romney was like, "derpa derp" and Gingrich was like, "derp" – but then Santorum interrupted, "derpa derp retarderp child – pro-life! Woohoo!"
America was then like, "fuuuuck me…"
ZOMG, fat asshole Tony Blankley died. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/08/tony-bla...
He forgot to leave a beautiful corpse.
Even Wolf Blitzer's tweets are boring. *gack*
I was kind of hoping that pompous gasbag Stuart Varney had stomach cancer, got useless, poisonous chemo and radiation therapy and died, dag.
If we're voting, I'm going for that puss-bag on Rush's anus — a.k.a. his draft deferment — to turn poisonous.
Every other cell of his body is poisonous, why shouldn't the pus-bag join the party.
Without the common decency to take out a harmless pedestrian first like Robert Novak? Well I am depressed.
I thought that was Zippity-zippity-zippity-doo-doo-stan-stan-stan. No?
Is 625 comments the Wonkette record? Did I just now post the highest numbered comment to an article EVER? Am I a WINNER?
OT but it has been well over seven hours since God's Chosen Quarterback beat my Steelers. I have showered, shaved, cooked a meal, spent an hour blowing shit up on Call of Duty, and I still want to walk down to Wilshire Boulevard and strangle the first homeless person I see. Fucking goddamn fuck.
"….and strangle the first
homeless personbanker I see. Fucking goddamn fuck."Fixed.
Let go and let God.
I'm proposing it. You second it, we'll pass this motion (heh).
You ever hear of dong chim? That should be the official motto of that damn game, too. Or maybe dong chim should be Wonkette's unofficial game.
Big Gurl libel, yo!
Wait, she wasn't raised in Iowa?
Lil' Kim was practically stomping up and down saying "pay attention to MEEEEE!" And he wasn't even given the time of day. But, then again, North Korea doesn't have easily exploitable oil reserves, nor is it involved in dictating prices so…
Yes, but North Korea shares a border with a major nuclear armed power, China. Iran is surrounded by hostile Arab states who (once again harking back to old history) remember the Iranian hegemony in the region and will join together, even with the US, to keep Iran weak. North Korea is a threat to no one, except in the minds of its rather paranoid leaders.
Yeah, that's the first thing I thought of when I realized what day it was.
I'm truly not very anxious about the spread of real nuclear bombs. It takes a fair amount of serious engineering and coordinated serious thinking to make nukes that work, at least in the traditional sense of "work", and people who think like that tend to realize that if you actually use them, you will bring down what is essentially the Wrath of God from the other nations that have nukes. The real danger of radioactive weapons is the few loonies who would pollute large areas with enough radiation to make them unlivable for many years. You know, the people who control the (im)proper control and containment of radioactive material, such as at Three Mile Island, or Chernobyl, or Fukushima, or close to my home, Hanford Nuclear Reservation.
Few people mention the fact that Huntsman's economic positions are to the right of both Romney and Gingrich. Although I don't entirely agree with your last sentence — I believe Huntsman has actually had a more cosmopolitan education/upbringing than most of the poor sods condemned to live in Utah — I suspect his conservatism is, as you state, more bred-in-the-bone than that of either Romney or Gingrich, both of whom have actually had to work with people who had differing viewpoints. Even if Gingrich's idea of "work with" runs to the "bombthrowing" side of the ledger.
Aw, man, that is SWEET! Thanks, Biff! I'm'a download that onto my Pod for afternoon layin' down in the garden wiv a spliff.
Edited to add: Hey, Biff, I know it don't make much of a difference but I do love you, dood.
Love you too. Someone gotta give you a musical education…
It's true, I'm utterly ignorant of American music, mostly. Le roi du rai is a little closer to the kind of music I grew up with. Let that be a small token of my gratitude, fella.
And just be grateful I didn't post a link to the music I love so much — Cantonese opera!
Sounds French, ya commie.
It's mostly Algerian, ya lunk. Great trumpet, though, innit? That man can play yer pants off.
You need to change your one-liner dood, it's hard to feel sorry about your pness when it's climbing into 120 before our eyes.
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