pissing on the sabbath

Thanks For Ruining Our Weekend, GOP! Liveblogging Debate #666

It's already a very terrible and unhappy New Year!Ready to ruin your Saturday night? Then please join us, as we liveblog the New Hampshire ABC News secret-handjob 2012 debate. Let’s hurt together, the way Santorum would want Jesus to hurt us, should we accidentally have the buttsex. Mitt Romney, known as “the guy who is really spending a lot of money to be the nominee, despite nobody liking him at all,” has a chance to … oh who knows. Maybe a circuit will blow! Rick Santorum might finally “come out,” if you know what we mean!

9 PM — “EVERYTHING IS DIFFERENT,” claims the ABC intro. Uhh ….
9:03 PM — 200K new jobs, Mittens! Are you an optimist about this? Mitt: “Yes! People, I like those. But Obama made this … worse. It is Obama. The fault is … the president. The rooster, the sunrise. The rooster, the sunrise.”
9:03 PM — Oh Rick Perry is still running.
9:04 PM — Santorum! What will he do? He could act as if he is a leader! He knows the most pressing issue, it’s Iran! THERE IS NOBODY WITH MORE EXPERIENCE IN IRAN THAN RICK SANTORUM. He is, in fact, Iranian. He is actually speaking in Farsi.
9:05 PM — Haha, Rick Santorum is anti-business. He is against having a CEO, or a manager, or any kind of executive leader.
9:06 PM — Gingrich has been running a tough ad that is from the New York Times about how Romney destroys American jobs, kills American wealth and sells off everything to China and the Martians, on Mars.
9:07 PM — Gingrich thinks television political ads are “a film.” He is so much about the Future!
9:08 PM — Romney woodenly repeats his line about the NYT attacking “free enterprise,” so he is “very proud” and now he is talking about the Olympics again. The Olympics!
9:09 PM — George Stephanouphapolous (sp?) is now basically quoting this Wonkette post about Romney counting 100K jobs created after he finally quit ruining the companies he ruined.
9:12 PM — Ron Paul, will you actually call Santorum corrupt to his weird face? Then Ron Paul shuffles and chuckles and GOD MAKES HIS MIC SQUEAK, and then Santorum says “God is punishing you for telling a lie about me.” The crowd laughs. LOL.
9:17 PM — Nearly twenty minutes in, and somebody finally notices Rick Perry is still hanging around. Now he is speaking, and it’s actually worse than Rick Santorum and Ron Paul squabbling … apparently Ron Paul is now an “insider.”
9:21 PM — Diane Sawyer is so bored/doped that she can’t even say “Iranian” now … it came out something like “O-wabrian.”
9:21 PM — Romney is baffled every time anyone asks him a question.
9:23 PM — But at least he supports #OWS. No, wait, he supports whatever someone told him to say about Iranian protests last year.
9:24 PM — “I will endorse our nominee.” — Mitt Romney, January 7, 2012. This man is a revolutionary.
9:25 PM — We have to relocate our Night Bureau very quickly; please do speak amongst yourselves until we’re functional again.
9:40 PM — Hooray, we’re finally talking about condoms and lady pills!
9:42 PM — Ron Paul is, again, the strange old “sane person.” And after ranting about this alleged Right To Privacy, Santorum is given a chance to respond, and he stands there idiotically and says, “What’s the question?”
9:43 PM — Time for questions, from Yahoo! About gay marriage!
9:44 PM — Newt Gingrich, the historian, notes that marriage has been between “man and woman for 3,000 years.” Before that, obviously, marriage was between a giraffe, a log and a rain cloud.
9:46 PM — Immediately before discussing “a level of dignity,” Mitt Romney boasts that he has fucked his wife for 15 minutes per pregnancy.
9:49 PM — Mitt Romney is a LIBERAL, he thinks gay couples can love each other and “raise children well.” Go back to Massachusetts, Romenycare McLeftist!
9:49 PM — Newt Gingrich is going to stand up for, uh, the Catholic Church. Hahahaha.
9:50 PM — HUGE APPLAUSE FINALLY, and why? Because three-wife adulterer and “Catholic convert” Newt Gingrich said the REAL problem in America is “anti Catholic bigotry.”
9:52 PM — Ron Paul is going to bitch slap the next clown who interrupts him.
9:53 PM — But now, somehow, Ron Paul is getting the big laughs by saying, “I’m catching up to Mitt, every day.”
9:53 PM — Perry is going to go right back to Gay Marriage. Does this guy have a complex or what?
9:57 PM — Whoa, Huntsman is being all “sane” and “Ron Paul-y” now by saying Afghanistan is in/near Civil War, and he won’t send another American there, or (more importantly, for the GOP!) another penny.
9:57 PM — But Newt, the video game historian, knows that everything is really such a more complicated deal, and it has to be a Cold War, against Arabs/Muslims. Because all Arabs/Muslims over two-thirds of the planet are EXACTLY THE SAME, and all unified in some invisible war against America. God, you’re an idiot, Newt.
9:59 PM — Santorum is going to be in Afghanistan until “the security of our country is secured.” But, uh, Afghanistan isn’t “our country.” Our country is this one, the fucked up disaster about to break into ACTUAL civil war. (We hope.)
10 PM — Haha, idiot Perry, he’s going to start the war in Iraq again. Total silence in the room.
10:02 PM — Romney says “exceptional force” the way some car dealer would say “exceptional quality.”
10:04 PM — Nothing makes Ron Paul squeakier than talking about American’s idiotic imperial policies.
10:05 PM — Santorum has a great comeback for Ron Paul … something about an Iranian fisherman?
10:07 PM — And Santorum is still very upset about the mullahs in Iran. And yet, Santorum and the mullahs talk about the exact same things all the time, with the only difference being that the mullahs say “Jews” when Santorum says “liberals.” Otherwise, all a bunch of closet cases.
10:13 PM — Our coverage must tragically come to an end now. You can finish watching it here. Let’s just hope for Rick Perry’s new war on Iraq!

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here with a few helpful links to ease your transition to Disqus - Claiming Old Accounts - Claiming Your ID Comments [Looking into whether this is still possible - Shy] - Turning off Disqus Notifications. And, as always, remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Barb

    I'm not drunk yet, hang on a sec….

    • freakishlywrong

      bARb..

      • Barb

        Honey Bunches of Oh's!

    • Bonzos_Bed_Time

      I'm drinking St. Germain & gin (elitist!), and just sloshed it over my laptop.
      Perhaps I am already drunk.

      • NellCote71

        God, I have fried so many hard drives that way.

        • Bonzos_Bed_Time

          I've moved on to red wine. Still keeping the leet in elitist!!!

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

          I seem to get mine with orange juice, mostly, although the last one was wine. Hint: NEVER lie to IT about why your machine's cooked. Our UNIX guy just looked at me and said, "Just don't do it again, or I'll have to kill you."

      • nonbeliever7

        God, I didn't think anyone else knew about that wonderful combination. That's triple elitist points for gin, some French liquer and a laptop instead of mom's old HP tower in the basement.

        • Bonzos_Bed_Time

          With a dash of bitters! Makes the world a better place.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

            I'm bitter enough without listening to these fucking bozos, thanks.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

        Glass of white, and two spliffs.

    • snarkycomments

      I'm working on it…. two martinis and Santorum is starting to look pretty cute.

      • Bonzos_Bed_Time

        Oh yeah, it's plenty cute until is drips down your leg.

      • MzNicky

        uh oh. Tee many martoonis already.

        • Isyaignert

          You know what they say about martinis – two are too many and three are not enough.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

        (slaps snarky) Look at me. No, look at me. C'mon, breathe deep. BREATHE.

    • C_R_Eature

      Beer. It's not just for breakfast anymore.

  • http://drpaul2012.wordpress.com Donner, Party of 1

    It seems kinda fitting it's coming on right after Wipeout.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Yay! Where did I put my beer and popcorn?

  • memzilla

    Excuse me, I have to go dig up that rusty icepick I'd rather gouge my eyes out with. It'll ultimately be less painful than the burned retinas I'll get from being snowblinded by the whiteness of the crowd.

  • Barb

    Mitt, I can smell your cologne through the TV set.

    • flamingpdog

      Smelovision.

      • Barb

        High Karate High Definition!
        Good to see you, Flaming!

    • littlebigdaddy

      Eau de douche.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

      My poor baby girl!

    • Negropolis

      I could smell his fear, desperation and self-loathing, myself. It smells like a rank mixture of a wayward, coked-up, Hollywood starlit and the tears of small children.

      Also, it smells like toxic bat feces. Also.

  • freakishlywrong

    THE DOUCHEBAGGERY!

    • flamingpdog

      I first read that as DEBAUCHERY!

  • OurHoboSenator

    I miss Crazy Eyes already

    • NellCote71

      I know. It't like missing Lou Sarah.

    • http://drpaul2012.wordpress.com Donner, Party of 1

      She's better off at home looking after her 37 kids and keeping a wary eye on Marcus.

      • littlebigdaddy

        And masturbating furiously with a miniature Minnesota Twins baseball bat.

        • horsedreamer_1

          BATGIRL LIBEL!!!

        • Rotundo_

          Would she do so, any other way?

    • http://wonkette.com/ outragedcitizen

      I know! I figured when things got really desperate she'd at least have had a "nip-slip" to at least secure the Mother's-basement-blogger crowd!

  • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

    George Snuffleupagus!

  • Bonzos_Bed_Time

    Sabbath is over at sundown, so now officially ok to state how much the baby jeebus wants us to love and support (by sending lotsa' $$$$ to) Israel as his chosen people.

  • Devilette

    Romney-I saved the Olympics!!!1!

    • Loaded_Pants

      Yeah, like there are no other places on Earth that couldn't have hosted them.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Will the Frothmeister scold 5-year-old cancer survivors about their preexisting conditions?

    • littlebigdaddy

      You bet he will.

    • Sparky_McGruff

      Cancer is just a sign that Jesus doesn't love them, right Ricky?

      • horsedreamer_1

        Sounds like the mother of the first murder victim in three years in my hometown. 23 years old, two children five & two, killed by her estranged husband while the 2 years old was in the next room, scared shitless. In response, the grandmother said, "My daughter has been called to our Lord & Savior, Jesus Christ".

        Weird guy, this Jesus, if He thinks a 23 years old mother belongs with Him over her two kids.

        • Isyaignert

          My batshit crazy end-timer mother said to everyone, "He is finally healed" when my husband died after a long illness. Why are those Christians such insensative mean fukkers?

          • Loaded_Pants

            My theory has always been some religious yahoos are actually not-so-closeted misanthropes. They secretly hate most, if not all, of humanity.

            I don't care if Pat Robertson is 170 yrs. old. I'm sure the idea of most of humanity burning in hell gives him a hard on. No ED drugs for him.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

            I'm so sorry. I promise to slap her silly if I ever run across her. What a horrible mean lunatic.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

          No, it's not that Jesus guy who's weird, it's all these fucking assholes who dare to purport to speak for him. IIRC, he's the guy who said, to paraphrase, Feed the hungry, heal the sick, if you have two shirts on your back, give one to your brother who hasn't any. If he could see these motherfuckers blathering on their bullshit about him, he'd beat them unconscious.

    • flamingpdog

      Cancer is a sign of the Zodiac, which is Satanism!

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

        Um … OK.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Ha Ha. The New York Times.

    • littlebigdaddy

      All the news that's boring enough to print.

      • Loaded_Pants

        Limited to 20 boring articles a month for free onlne.

  • under_score

    Should I switch from watching Saints v. Lions for this?

    No, I think I'll pass. I'll catch the highlights. Rooting for Gingrich to tackle Mitt for a career-ending injury, and for Santorum to intercept a pass by Perry.

    • flamingpdog

      Nah, please not, the ref has to wipe the ball after every time Frothy touches it.

  • http://drpaul2012.wordpress.com Donner, Party of 1

    Shorter Romney, defending Bain: You can't make an omelet without breaking a few nest eggs.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    100,000 jobs is a lie. Come on Mit you scumbag.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

      He's lying, and everybody fucking *knows* he's lying. He's giving *current* figures, not the figures for when he worked at Bain. And there's a reason for that, isn't there, Mitty?

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Net Jobs. If you were on the wrong side of the net it sucks to be you.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

      Net Jobs = lay off older workers making more $$ and replace them with entry-level workers whose benefits don't kick in for 6 months — 1 yr, so that you can fire them without losing anything after 5.95 months.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Bain will be Mit's bane.

    • flamingpdog

      Brain will be Mitt's bane, too, also.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

      I fucking hope so, man. No one more deserving.

  • http://drpaul2012.wordpress.com Donner, Party of 1

    Rick Perry bombed in Iowa and is skipping New Hampshire. I think he's limited his aspirations to just running for President of the South.

    • RavenRant

      That'll come in handy when the New Confederacy secedes.

      • http://drpaul2012.wordpress.com Donner, Party of 1

        They'll need a leader who knows how to wear a dress.

    • littlebigdaddy

      I'd love to be president of the South! I would just walk through fields of flowers singing Zippity Do Da, with bluebirds circling around my head. That is my ideal and I am having no one fucking with it!

  • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

    Romney's sideburn hair looks whiter. Is he getting worn down by the campaign, or has temple-greying turned out to be popular with focus groups?

    • littlebigdaddy

      More to the point: does the carpet match the drapes?

      • NellCote71

        Maybe YOU want to know the answer.

    • 12X34X

      Oh God, I love you for this. It's probably the latter.

      • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

        I love you, too, 12X34X.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

        Get a room, you two, geez.

        Definitely the latter. I can't imagine that worthless bastard doing ANYthing that a focus group hadn't approved first.

  • Barb

    *beep* "They caught you not telling the truth" What a funny guy!

    • Sparky_McGruff

      If there were a "beep" every time one of those clowns told a whopper, it would sound like the censored version of a Tarantino film.

    • flamingpdog

      Sorry, couldn't resist.

      • thebeatgoeson

        I miss Johnny…

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Guys if you're trying to take down that bitch Mitt Romney, you're going to have to step it up.

  • Limeylizzie

    Does Ron Paul have Tourette's?

    • Barb

      I bet his wife made him drink a whole can of Ensure before he went up on stage. My purse weighs more than this little crap weasel.

      • Negropolis

        Yeah a whole can of Ensure laced with crystal meth is more like it.

    • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

      shitshitshitshitfuck Federal Reserve shitshitshitfuckshit

    • sigmachi

      Ron Paul bringing it! Disenchanted blacks will leave Obama camp and vote for Ron, especially when he talks about black injustice in the legal system. Boo yeah!

      • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

        Someone needs to check the batteries in the carbon monoxide detectors at the frat house.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Libertrian feedback. Kind of like a overflowing toilet only stinkier.

  • Barb

    Mitt Happens!

  • Limeylizzie

    Did Santorum just say he grew up in a coal mine?

    • littlebigdaddy

      Frothy mixture/Lorretta Lynn '12

      • horsedreamer_1

        Santorum/Edwards 2012, more likely. Do it for Gabriel & Elizabeth.

    • Angry_Marmot

      Where it's dark as a dungeon, damp as the dew…

    • arihaya

      he is an Uruk Hai?

  • Negropolis

    Lobbying = Causes!

    Frank Luntz, you fuckin' devil, you! Looks like Perry ain't the only Slick Rick in this race. Rick just loves America so much, you guys! Come on!

    • Loaded_Pants

      Is he slicker than santorum, though?

      • horsedreamer_1

        The original interjection on the bridge in "Hey, ya!" was really, really raunchy.

  • http://drpaul2012.wordpress.com Donner, Party of 1

    Two whole answers and Santorum hasn't said a word about people's dangly bits. Look for him to suddenly blurt out PenisPenisPenisPenis! and then mop his forehead in sweaty relief.

    • Limeylizzie

      Multiple upfists for your new tag. May you break 100 tonight.

      • http://drpaul2012.wordpress.com Donner, Party of 1

        OMG, thank you so much. It's been a ridiculous slog and frankly, I don't think I'm cut out for competitive commenting.

        I'm prolly gonna take some time off when I break 100, visit Disneyworld, get to know my kids.

        • Limeylizzie

          We're with you!

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Sweaty Santorum. Eeeeewwww!

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Worse than cooties.

      • Loaded_Pants

        So true.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Paul's eyebrow is creeping north.

    • Negropolis

      Fifty-Four Forty of Fight!

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    What a clown show (with apologies to clowns everywhere)

    • littlebigdaddy

      Roland Barthes wrote a masterly essay on clowns. I think the goopers would have left even him speechless.

    • RavenRant

      Well, if you mean the John Wayne Gacy kind of clown, yeah.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Perry speaks!
    Duh!
    Duh!
    Doh!

  • Barb

    Earmarks are people too!

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Newt has his hands in his pockets & is smirking. Prime time fapping?

    • Loaded_Pants

      Newt's brain: "I'm the most brilliant genius in this room. Time to rub one out!"

    • Ms_Anthrope

      Something suddenly came up. Patriotism.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Rick Santorum wanted to take away people's unemployment benefits when we were running surpluses, I believe is what he just bragged about.

  • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

    Was Perry huffing helium?

  • Negropolis

    Hunstman is so boring. Almost boring as Tim Pawl…zzzz….

    EDIT: You coward chicken-shit.

    • SheriffRoscoe

      I was just thinking the same thin…….zzzzzzzzzzzz

    • sigmachi

      Ron Paul bringing it! Disenchanted blacks will leave Obama camp and vote for Ron

      • Negropolis

        Ha! And I'm the president of the Philipines.

      • LetUsBray

        No one believed you the first time you said that rubbish.

    • Loaded_Pants

      Who was/is this Tim Pawl you mention? Are they related to Ron Pawl?

  • ThundercatHo

    "When we were running surpluses" um, that would be under a democratic President. and frothy mixture spent that time trying to screw poor people and poor, old people.

  • freakishlywrong

    This is impossibly embarrassing.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Gobbledygook !
    Drink!

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Did Huntsman buy some Ron Paul eyebrows?

    • OneDollarJuana

      You can't actually buy them. You sort of corral them onto your forehead until they decide to crawl away.

  • Data Exactly

    Oh no! Huntsman is going to go Chinese on us!

  • Negropolis

    Mitt's looking like a freshly sheared Cowardly Lion, tonight.

  • BarackMyWorld
    • Limeylizzie

      People you need to click on Barackmyworld's link.

    • flamingpdog

      Is that why Che1y had to drop outta the race?

      • Loaded_Pants

        It would explain the crazy eyes, I think.

    • http://www.wonkette.com BelleSC

      Oh yeh, baby.

    • mayor_quimby

      I will buy that pay per view for $50, minimum.

  • http://drpaul2012.wordpress.com Donner, Party of 1

    I'm starting to get this weird feeling Romney doesn't like Obama.

  • Limeylizzie

    Apropos of nothing MrLimeylizzie, who has been sitting quietly next to me, said "How about those podia". God, I love that man.

    • Negropolis

      Wow, how smart. He used the proper plural. Is he a native-born American?

      • Limeylizzie

        Why, yes he is from Salt Lake City, no less, not a Mormon though.

        • Negropolis

          From SLC and not a Mormon, and at the time your husband grew up there? That had to have built a lot of character. lol

          • flamingpdog

            Yeah, look at what the experience did to Roseanne.

          • Negropolis

            Big Gurl libel, yo!

            Wait, she wasn't raised in Iowa?

    • Barb

      Love to Mr. Lizzie!

      • Limeylizzie

        He appreciates the love.

    • RavenRant

      Does he do a good German officer impersonation?

      Somehow, I suspect he does.

      • Limeylizzie

        Not as good as I wish, but he tries, looks the part though.

        • RavenRant

          Practice makes perfect!

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Is that the cologne that drives Marcus wild?

  • Negropolis

    Newt just called Ron a shit-talker. lol That's like the pot calling the kettle pompous.

    • OneDollarJuana

      It's like the pot calling the kettle "bla-".

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Let's get Newt's dander up, shall we?

  • BarackMyWorld

    Has Santorum ever brought up the fact that he and Romney were both U.S. Senate candidates in 1994, but only one of them got elected?

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Newt you couldn't go into the army because you were too goddam fat. Let's not be revisionist.

  • Negropolis

    Newt's dad was in the military…so Newt knows everything about the military, and how dare Ron — who was in the military — brings up his record. Fuck you, Newt.

    • flamingpdog

      I forget, was that the dad he never knew, or the one he knew but couldn't stand?

    • V572 the Merciless

      Ron ran him through pretty good, I thought. Brought tears to my eyes.

  • Barb

    Thank you for serving our country in the military, Ron Paul. That's the only nice thing I am going to say about you.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Someone needs to ask Mitt why he didn't run for re-election in 2006. If his answer is anything other than "My constituents hated my guts," he's lying.

  • http://drpaul2012.wordpress.com Donner, Party of 1

    Ron Paul just drank Newt's milkshake and then belched lustily.

    lolz

    • Negropolis

      That really was awesome, wasn't it?

      • http://drpaul2012.wordpress.com Donner, Party of 1

        I'm sitting here masturbating while replaying it in my mind.

    • Angry_Marmot

      Now where's a bowling pin when you need it?

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Newt the chickenhawk is spanked.
    Lets get Mittens and the his kids.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    MLK was a Libertarian! Who knew?

  • Gainsbourg69

    Newt got called a draft dodger. Go crazy grandpa.

  • Data Exactly

    Martin Luther King Jr.'s my FAVORITE Libertarian says Paul.

  • Barb

    Break time, gotta fold my undies before they melt in the dryer. Smoke 'em if you got 'em.

    • Papa_Uniform

      Jesus Barb, what I'd give to smoke your undies.

      • littlebigdaddy

        Eww. Just eww.

  • LookASheep

    Paul encourages us to send more rich white people to the electric chair….

    • Limeylizzie

      Hello, Darling.

      • LookASheep

        I love saying podia.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

          You must be Mister Limeylizzie!

    • Millennial Malaise

      Now that is a newsletter I would sign up for!

  • Limeylizzie

    Fry Whitey! Let's start with Mittens!

    • Barb

      The smell of cinnamon would be wafting through the air of the death chamber.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Breaktime. Can I refill anyone's drink?

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      A shot of Jack and leave the bottle.

    • Barb

      Please and thank you!

    • littlebigdaddy

      I can help myself to the box of Australian shiraz, but thank you.

  • ThundercatHo

    Ron Paul has noticed that there is unfairity in law enforcement, shocking.

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      He lost a lot of conservatives with that.

  • Negropolis

    I can't believe how Ron Paul turned a question about his racist, homophobic newsletters into a rallying cry to fry rich, white people in the chair! lol! How he wasn't booed is surprising.

    I want to hate him, but I just can't.

    • Gainsbourg69

      I love him because he's like a wrecking ball.

      • Banelm

        The better he does, the more disenchanted the Republican base is with the party's platform. Go Ron Go!

  • http://drpaul2012.wordpress.com Donner, Party of 1

    This is a real change from Paul's last run where he'd just roll around the stage and let the other candidates scritch his belly

    • Barb

      The vet needs to put one of those white cones around his neck until those eyebrows grow back.

      • http://drpaul2012.wordpress.com Donner, Party of 1

        lolz!

        • NellCote71

          I love you guys!

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

        Oh, Barb!

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Time to refill my homemade raspberry mead. Cheers!

    • SheriffRoscoe

      Recipe or gtfo

      • Monsieur_Grumpe

        Raspberries, honey, water and yeast.

        • bagofmice

          And time.

          • SheriffRoscoe

            I dunno. Sounds European.

  • Barrelhse

    Night Bureau? Is that the one next to the bed with a bottle in the top drawer?

  • Barb

    Banning contraception? #Don'tOccupyMyUterus

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Mitt can't believe how crazy some of Santorum's ideas are.

    • OneDollarJuana

      Yah, Santorum makes Mormonism look like a mainstream religion.

  • Data Exactly

    Contraception must be in conflict with Mitt Romney's mormon underwear.

  • flamingpdog

    Oh, thanks, mighty Overlord Ken! I waited until past the last minute, took off in a moment of self-loathing to watch the debate myself on the TeeVee, and then you start the liveblog! I come back to the computer to re-rearrange the synapses in my brain so I can put two intelligent thoughts together in a row, and find I'm 89 comments behind. Oh well, I have my merlot with me, and now I don't have to watch the lizards on the stage flicking their forked tongues in and out!

    Although I kind of like watching the Texas shrimp cranking against all the other shitstains up on the stage.

  • Gainsbourg69

    It's fucked up that Romney thinks Paul is a constitutional scholar.

    • kaiamursi

      Makes the heart weep, no?

      • RavenRant

        And the mind recoil in horror.

    • http://drpaul2012.wordpress.com Donner, Party of 1

      Yeah, he doesn't hold a candle to Man Coulter.

  • Negropolis

    George just rightfully said that Mitt took both sides of the issue, and the fuckin' audience boo'ed George. lol Truth hurts, don't it?

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Make Mittens answer the question Mr. stephannopolbolstisweraasanffjsdfjsffkjbf.

  • ThundercatHo

    Another shocker, the GOP candidates want to overturn Roe v. Wade. But I love Ron Paul for saying the th patriot act is wrong.

    • SpeedoFart

      That's totes okay, though. Only dirty sluts (*cough*Mrs Santorum*cough*) need abortions and who cares about those welfare queens, anyway?

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

        Let's talk Karen Santorum's abortion.

  • Limeylizzie

    The gay question has come up.

  • http://drpaul2012.wordpress.com Donner, Party of 1

    Gingrich endorses being on the "down low."

    • http://drpaul2012.wordpress.com Donner, Party of 1

      .. and Perry quietly sighs with relief.

  • Barb

    Sacrament of marriage? Newt, you fat fuck!

  • Negropolis

    Sacrament of marriage? Which one of Britney Spears or Kim Kardashians were sacraments?

  • SheriffRoscoe

    The State doesn't administer sacraments, you motherfucking fat piece of shit.

    • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

      I'm pretty sure that the Filibuster is a Republican sacrament.

      • Monsieur_Grumpe

        Nice!

    • bumfug

      No shit and not one of these jerk-off "journalists" made the least attempt to call him on that "sacrament" bullshit.

    • OneDollarJuana

      But there is an administration in Sacramento.

  • ThundercatHo

    Oh goody, let's listen to the adulterer lecturing on the sacrament of marriage.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

      Not just "the adulterer" but "the multiple adulterer." THREE marriages, and only deity knows how many affairs. What a prick.

  • Barb

    Newt believes in "traditional marriage" ask any of his three wives.

    • http://www.stumbleupon.com/stumbler/cheaphits/reviews cheaphits

      Well, at least the one currently on the payroll.

    • arihaya

      all of 'em, Barb?

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    Playoff football in one window, Wonkette liveblog in the other, and it's only quarter to seven on the West Coast so I can still go out tonight if I'm in the mood. Well played, Saturday.

  • under_score

    Oh shit, tomorrow I'm going to run down to the JP and get the "sacrament" of marriage. Fuck you Newt.

  • RavenRant

    It's been 20 minutes since we've heard from our Worthly Wokette overlords. Should we send out a search party?

  • SorosBot

    OK, I just got the live feed to work; and broke off watching The Muppets Take Manhattan for this; hope it's worth it.

    • Data Exactly

      Think of the debate as The Muppets Take Washington D.C.

      • HistoriCat

        That is definitely Muppet libel!

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      No.
      MG

    • BarackMyWorld

      My daughter is watching cartoons and there's a better chance Strawberry Shortcake might say something I'll agree with.

    • not that Dewey

      Gates McFadden, in addition to being the movie's choreographer, is terrific as the agent's secretary.

  • Negropolis

    Ooo, they are making them squirm, aren't they? Here they are in the state of Live free or Die! being asked about same-sex issues.

  • Negropolis

    Wait, there are only gay couples in some states? Huh?

    • SpeedoFart

      Duh. When so called "marriage equality" was passed in New York, I was forced (FORCED!) to divorce my husband and marry this random chick with huge knockers.

      True story.

      • BarackMyWorld

        I wish someone would force me to marry a chick with huge knockers.

        • OneDollarJuana

          Happened to me. Mostly it's good.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

            Well, I wasn't *forced,* so, yeah. Mostly good.

  • kaiamursi

    How thoughtful of Diane to ask Mitt to speak "in human terms."

  • SorosBot

    Fuck, these evil assholes are playing the "I hate gay people more than you" game.

    • BarackMyWorld

      You know what's fun is how this isn't 2004 anymore and those positions are going to bite them in the ass down the road.

  • Negropolis

    Is Huntsman the only one that can even bring himself to say "civil unions"? All of them are talking about considering them, but can't even bring themselves to say the term.

  • memzilla

    Mitts in favor of gay contracts, but not gay marriages? Presumably, thrice-married Newt is the only one whose marriages have ever been threatened.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    What the hell did I miss? Is it true that Ron Paul wants to randomly execute white people?

  • Data Exactly

    Yeay! Newt Gingrich gets bored. Calls out the media for the Hell of it.

  • Negropolis

    Oh, yeah, the Catholic church is the victim, here. These fuckers are morally bankrupt, not that we didn't already know that.

  • under_score

    Secular bigotry! Gaaahhhhhh!

  • ThundercatHo

    Pope Gingrich, fuck you with a red, hot incense burner.

  • Gainsbourg69

    Newt's a fucking altar boy now?

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Yeah Newt. Christians are so repressed. gag.

    • Negropolis

      Actually, they are repressed. Hellishly so. Oppressed? Yeah, not so much.

    • SorosBot

      They are very repressed; some people actually treat non-Christians as if they are actual human beings instead of vermin who should whatever Christians tell them.

  • SorosBot

    Fuck you, Newt; telling religious organizations they can't be bigoted against gay people or non-Christians is not anti-Christian bigotry. Fuck you assholes hard; telling Christians they have to treat gay people as humans is not bigotry; it's anti-bigotry.

    • SheriffRoscoe

      My blood pressure has done gone through the roof. Whiskey is good for that, right?

    • BarackMyWorld

      And don't forget, the only racism is reverse racism.

  • MzNicky

    "Please don't interrupt me, you rude young man!" Ron Paul's gonna turn George S. over his knee.

  • memzilla

    Someone explain to me how banning gay marriage is any different from banning interracial marriage — I mean, other than these racist-pandering white f**ktards would roll back the clock on the latter if they thought it would get them one more vote.

  • http://theaccidentalenvironmentalist.blogspot.com Tsunami Ali

    Oh man, nothing like a Saturday night, a GOP debate, and Ken Layne live-blogging it, NOTHING.

    Thank you.

    • flamingpdog

      That's not going to get you extra p. Ken doesn't control that.

      • http://theaccidentalenvironmentalist.blogspot.com Tsunami Ali

        Dude, I'm talking about sitting in front of the computer on Saturday night during a GOP debate. I'm not looking for extra p, I'm looking for a gun.

  • http://drpaul2012.wordpress.com Donner, Party of 1

    Any one of these candidates would make an awesome Mullah. If only we lived in a country that didn't discriminate against the very idea of such.

    • WootInTarnation

      Aw hell. Being a mullah in this country is extremely profitable and not only acceptable, but honored. I wonder, if I could ask my now-departed but eternally awesome and super-humanly amazing linguistics prof, Julian Boyd, if the word "mullah" shares indo-european roots with the monikers of western religious apparatchiks. I'd bet my last can of hobo beans on it.

      The only difference between our mullahs and their mullahs is in the style of their vestments and the amount of their salaries.

      ***
      "Depending on which book
      You're using at the time
      Can't use their book
      It's all lies
      Gotta use mine
      Ain't that right?" – Frank to the Z

  • MzNicky

    Is Diane Sawyer drunk?

    • http://theaccidentalenvironmentalist.blogspot.com Tsunami Ali

      Does a newspaper man drink a scotch or two in the woods? Yes.

    • Negropolis

      Is she ever not?

      • NellCote71

        I just want to know how she appears to have a special soft focus soft lens on her all the time. I want one of those. and to be drunk on live network TV and still get paid millions of dollars. Also.

    • BarackMyWorld

      She used to work for Nixon. You'd think her tolerance for bullshit would be higher.

      • flamingpdog

        Working for Nixon might explain her tolerance for alcohol.

  • bumfug

    Good job, keep these dumb motherfuckers jabbering about how many angels can sit on each others' faces while balanced on the head of a pin – every minute they spend on this shit turns off another ten thousand voters.

  • NellCote71

    I just yelled "fuck you" at Romney so loudly that the dog slunk away. I dislike him more with each debate. I can see why the party ilk have the yuck factor when it comes to Mitt.

  • MzNicky

    "War on Religion" by not signing on with Defense of Marriage Act? The fuck is fucking Rick Purrah goin' on about?

  • memzilla

    I hope all of the red meat for the proles that's being thrown out there will be donated to a worthy cause after this Tea Klux Klan vaudeville show is over.

  • Barb

    I wish I had the flag pin concession at these debates.

  • under_score

    Oh yeah, Perry's here, I forgot. One-ups Newt and calls out Obama's "War on Religion". Tepid applause, lol. Hang it up Rick.

    • Gainsbourg69

      Rick Perry is the new Santorum. He's far off to the left of the stage and no one gives a shit what he says.

      • flamingpdog

        But a lot of people take a shit when he says it.

  • SorosBot

    Huntsman thinks Vietnam was a bad idea? He has no chance now – oh wait, he had none to begin with.

  • Negropolis

    Big, long, hard…Gingrich.

  • Barb

    Rick Perry looks like the chunky gal with the harelip at the dance. No one is paying attention to him.

    • Barrelhse

      Would I!

      • RavenRant

        Peg leg! Peg leg!

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Newt is really a buzz killer.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Newt and Santorum, get a room already.

    • OneDollarJuana

      And a dog,

  • SorosBot

    Oh, and Newtie-Tootie is telling us we should all be afraid of Muslims. It's not a problem at all, and the Middle East is none of our fucking business, assholes.

  • SpeedoFart

    "Because three-wife adulterer and 'Catholic convert' Newt Gingrich said the REAL problem in America is 'anti Catholic bigotry.'"

    Newt, you fat piece of shit. Yes, those poooooooooor Catholics! They're not allowed to get married or adopt children, and no one protects young Catholics from bullying…

    … Oh wait. I think you have "Catholics" confused with "teh gheys", you disgusting fuck.

    • NellCote71

      Probably a good thing the Obama shut down Catholic orphanages (?). Just holding pens for the priests.

  • MzNicky

    Oh shut the fuck up Rick Sanitorium, you idiot. America is soft!! Big horse! As Newt just said! Fuck you.

  • SorosBot

    Santorum: "This President is a not a paranoid, insane racist; how dare he!"

  • Data Exactly

    Yeah now! When would they? When the world ends– Oh wait…

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Get back into Iraq? The GOP has jumped the fuckin shark.

  • Negropolis

    Rick Perry is serially stupid. It's as scary as it is pitiful.

  • MzNicky

    Yee-dawgies! Rick Purra wants to get back into Iraq! Because Iran is going to pour in there now at the literal speed of light! Jesus fuckin' Christ.

  • SorosBot

    Perry, I wish Obama had kowtowed to his "liberal, leftist base", instead of constantly betraying us as he has.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Newt destroyed the Soviet empire! Yay!

  • ThundercatHo

    Iran is moving "litrally at the speed of light" back into their parent's basement.

  • SorosBot

    Mitt Romney is speaking and zzzzzzz…….

  • Negropolis

    If the president was giving an address, every month, you'd be complaining about him granstanding, Mitt. Fuck you; fuck you very much, thank you.

  • Negropolis

    Ronnie, we don't have a king (technically), but you don't realize how many people in this country wish that we did. I mean, you can't even imagine how badly they yearn for an honest-to-goodness, authoritarian king.

  • Negropolis

    Ping pong, China, Iran…yep, that's Ron Paul.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    If you took part of Ron Paul and part of Huntsman you might have half of a human

  • MzNicky

    pirates? ping-pong? The fuck is that old cranky Ron Paul goin' on about? scary crazy.

  • SorosBot

    Ron Paul, it doesn't matter how much sense you can make on foreign policy; you're still nuts and your economic ideals would mean the creation of a feudal aristocracy.

  • Negropolis

    Someone just totally needs to nail home that a vote for any of these Republican candidates is a vote for a war with Iran. I mean, just cold tie this around their collective neck, and sink them to the bottom of their putrid, fetid swamp they call a party.

    If you like Afghanistan and Iraq, you'll love this new Iranian misadventure.

    • MzNicky

      Diane Sawyer would surely do that except it appears she recently took a six-pack of Valium.

  • Barb

    Santorum just called Barack a "Chicago politician" Rick, you are a Chicago deep dish pussy.

    • Gainsbourg69

      I love that talking point. They should come to Miami if they want to see some real deal corruption. We make Chicago look like little leaguers.

      • horsedreamer_1

        Marco Rubio Libel!!!

        The only Presidency that choad has a chance at is Cuba's, after Raul dies. Marco will try to be the Caribbean Ahmed Chalabi.

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    Iranians respect America. So we need a president who will invade Iran.

    Wait, what? Oh, it's Ricky Shartlube – I shouldn't expect sense.

    • Negropolis

      I honestly can't see why Iran would want the bomb. I mean, the only thing we've done is threaten them every day with invasion since Dubya was inaugerated. People seem to get that the New American Century was yelling for war with Iran before even 9/11, and the only reason we didn't topple Iran is because of Dubya's daddy issues with Iraq's Saddam.

      • Fukui_sanYesOta

        The religious and political top echelons want the bomb as a last-gasp attempt to invoke that most base of feelings: National Pride.

        It's the same thing that the ruling Argentinian military junta attempted in the 80s by invading the Malvinas/Falkland Islands. An attempt at "YAY US" bullshit when the country was falling to pieces. I think the recent faux-election unrest shows the writing is on the wall for the mullahs and Ahmadinejad, let alone the revolutions in other toxically-religously-led countries in the region, and they're scared as fuck.

        It's my understanding that yer average young Iranian on the street just wants more freedom… which doesn't include horseshit religious rules against dancing.

        Aw, I'm ranting. It has to come from the young Iranians, and it will.

        • Negropolis

          This is the truth. Also, it was reported that the head of Iran's central bank might be resigning because sanctions seem to really be hitting home in Iran. Even if they weren't, an nuclear Iran is not the end of the world. I know it's not a popular thing to say, but Paul is right on this. What could be the end of the world is America overextending itself in another war against another economic backwater.

          • RavenRant

            Interesting that when North Korea not only acquired nuclear techology, but tested a nuclear weapon under George W. Bush, no one attributed it to W's weakness.

            Nor did anyone suggest going to war with North Korea, even though we have a bunch of troops right there on the border.

            Oh, sorry, applying logic and consistency again. I'll cut that out.

          • Negropolis

            Lil' Kim was practically stomping up and down saying "pay attention to MEEEEE!" And he wasn't even given the time of day. But, then again, North Korea doesn't have easily exploitable oil reserves, nor is it involved in dictating prices so…

          • OneDollarJuana

            I'm truly not very anxious about the spread of real nuclear bombs. It takes a fair amount of serious engineering and coordinated serious thinking to make nukes that work, at least in the traditional sense of "work", and people who think like that tend to realize that if you actually use them, you will bring down what is essentially the Wrath of God from the other nations that have nukes. The real danger of radioactive weapons is the few loonies who would pollute large areas with enough radiation to make them unlivable for many years. You know, the people who control the (im)proper control and containment of radioactive material, such as at Three Mile Island, or Chernobyl, or Fukushima, or close to my home, Hanford Nuclear Reservation.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

            Yes, but North Korea shares a border with a major nuclear armed power, China. Iran is surrounded by hostile Arab states who (once again harking back to old history) remember the Iranian hegemony in the region and will join together, even with the US, to keep Iran weak. North Korea is a threat to no one, except in the minds of its rather paranoid leaders.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

        Since? Dood, we went in there and deposed their lawfully elected leader and replaced him with our puppet who ruled for us for DECADES before any of this shit happened. Americans have the attention span of a gnat, but the rest of the world has long memories. The Chinese still haven't forgiven the Chiang Kai Shek debacle or the American protection of Japanese war criminals from the human experimentation labs of Manchuria. The recent bomb incident in Seoul is attributed to the grandchild of a "comfort woman" from China. Old scars, long memories. The US government has been on the wrong side of many many battles in the developing world. We'd best do our best to keep them from dragging us into Iran. Again.

        • Negropolis

          I know that we've been fucking with Iran forever, and that we haven't been friendly with one another for decades, but it was only with Dubya in office that there were actual rumblings of bombing the place. And, it was only because of Dubya's war-mongering lackeys that Immanutjob was even elected to begin with, and while they are looking for the bomb, further wratcheting up tensions.

          Iran has been a whipping boy by us for a very long time, but after the revolution, we largely let the place be. We didn't like them, but we didn't see them as some imminent military threat. Dubya gets in and all of a sudden it's "sound the alarms" and "axis of evil" bullshit. It was Dubya's war mongers that took a simmering, but stable threat, and tried to get Iran to overreact, and they partially succeeded in getting Iran to seek the bomb.

          It wasn't until Dubya that this nation whose economy is the size of Virginia's magically became an existential threat to the United States and/or its allies. It's such an incredibly cynical and transparent run up to war that it's embarrassing.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

            I know, I know. You're an erudite tadpole, by gum, and well-informed to boot. I was just having a minor explosion of pointless rage and hatred, as is my wont of a late evening before pain meds.I'm SO stealing Immanutjob, OK?

    • thebeatgoeson

      Ricky Shartlube – I LOVE it!

  • SorosBot

    And Ricky, when you where in the Senate – you were kicked out. You lost by the greatest margin ever for an incumbent who was not facing a scandal. Everybody in Pennsylvania hated you, and still does; the fact is, you are stupid, you are ugly, and nobody likes you.

    • OneDollarJuana

      You forgot crazy.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

        And his Mom dresses him funny.

  • ThundercatHo

    The Iranian people love us. Well, you learn something new everyday.

  • Gainsbourg69

    They just cut off Paul right when he was about to destroy Santorum's warmongering talking points.

  • FakaktaSouth

    CRAP CRAP CRAP. I just got here and I'm sober aaaaaack. Hang on hang on! How many times has the frothy mixture said abortion? Is a whole bottle enough??

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      For Dogs sake man…. Drink!

      • SorosBot

        Now that's bad advice; it should be for dog's sake woman… Drink!

  • MzNicky

    Now what on earth is Rick Sanitarium yakking about??! Obama stood by while a bunch of people got stomped to death in the streets?! When? Where??!

    Do they all just stand there and make up shit for a couple hours? Is this what's known as a "debate" these days? Is anyone actually listening to these gasbags?!

  • http://drpaul2012.wordpress.com Donner, Party of 1

    Did Ron Paul say you need a search warrant to abort a fetus?

    • LookASheep

      Gotta find 'em before you can abort them…

  • FakaktaSouth

    Yes. We will be greeted as 'liberaters in Iran. Just like Iraq, remember?

  • flamingpdog

    George is the guy from the Fifth Dimension that was always messing with Superman?

  • SorosBot

    God, the idiots at ABC talk about "the mainstream media" according to the Republicans' framing, talking about alleged liberal bias as if it actually exists even as they show the right-wing bias that actually controls our media.

  • SorosBot

    What's with the bridge question? T-Paw dropped out many months ago.

  • Data Exactly

    Oh wow, this break was WAYYYYYYY shorter than the previous one.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Mitt passed on the opportunity to brag about his work at Bain. Interesting.

    • http://www.stumbleupon.com/stumbler/cheaphits/reviews cheaphits

      Yeah, it was all about creating jobs, the money just kinda fell in his pockets.

  • Barb

    Mitt, President Obama didn't create welfare. Bush created a longer line at the welfare office though.

  • SorosBot

    Hey, Mittens; becoming a "European-style Social Welfare State" would be great; but I don't think Obama is that good.

  • http://drpaul2012.wordpress.com Donner, Party of 1

    I think Newt forgot he was deathmatching with Romney.

    • SheriffRoscoe

      Right? I got my Jerry Springer bell all shined up and everything.

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    Newt, you fucking dick, most of the refined oil product from Texas is exported. The same would be true when Keystone is completed.

  • FakaktaSouth

    I like how John Huntsmann would make laws without Congress. Fuck yeah, that would make you a President able to do stuff. without congress.

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    Ooh, Huntsman talking about removing loopholes from the tax code. What's the betting he's not talking about oil company subsidies?

  • Gainsbourg69

    So much for Huntsman's sanity. Fuck him and his flat tax nonsense.

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      He lifted the mask. He's just another tax-breaks-for-the-rich cunt.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

        Precisely.

    • LetUsBray

      I figured the "Huntsman is the sane one" stuff would only last until he opened his mouth where people could hear him. He is a Rethuglican, after all.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

        Not only that, he's FAR to the right of where most reasonable Republicans would have been ten years ago. He espoused the Ryan Budget Plan before most other Republicans, and despite the fact that it will cost more than anything Pres. O has proposed. He has yet to retract that position despite the CBO's analyses. He's just another pandering whore, just better dressed and more sciency-sounding.

    • horsedreamer_1

      Mark Mc Kinney Libel!!!

  • V572 the Merciless

    Did Santorum buy his suit at Robert Hall or Montgomery Ward?

  • SorosBot

    How the fuck are corporate taxes and regulations destroying business when they are lower than they have been since the 1920s?

  • Data Exactly

    Santorum usually sounds like Ron Paul. Not tonight. That's a good thing.

  • CountryClubJihadi

    Do any of these motherfuckers have an upper lip?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

      Thank you for that question! What the fuck is wrong with all these guys? None of them has lips, not one. They've got thin pink ridges of muscle where humans would have lips. They're fucking alien invaders, man, aliens!

  • FakaktaSouth

    Good God. I hate Santorum even worse now that he thinks he's somebody. I liked "hey look at me, somebody talk to me" Santorum way better.

  • Biff

    Manufacturing is kaput in PA because of repub party bullshit, santorum!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

      Choking the chicken again, Biff?

  • FakaktaSouth

    America on the Move – RESTORE AMERICA – when Ron Paul says that, he really means it y'all. Restoring PREcivil rights America.

    • OneDollarJuana

      Apparently, Ron wants to return America when property rights were supreme, when there was no heavy hand of government forcing people to acquiesce to arbitrary and oppressive regulations. You know, before people existed.

    • Negropolis

      Hell, he wants to restore to Precambrian America.

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    The "Obama Economy", Milf? Really? That's such egregious dissembling that it actually hurts.

    • BarackMyWorld

      Six months from now when the unemployment rate is below 8% again, they'll give credit to George Bush's policies.

      • Biff

        That's how they played the heady days of the 90's, all because reagan.

  • under_score

    Just how many middle income Americans are taxed on their capital gains? I don't think middle income means what you think it means, Mitt.

  • SorosBot

    Mitty, during the days of John F. Kennedy the top marginal tax rate was 90%; yes, let's go back to that.

    Oh, you don;t want to raise taxes on dividends or capital for the middle class? Well that's easy, since no middle class people have dividends or capital gains.

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    Hahaha, Rick Perry is a cartoon character of stupid.

    • iburl

      Imagine realizing that in 2001, yet being stuck with him ruining your state for 10 more years.

      • NellCote71

        Been there. Done that. Have the T shirt.

  • FakaktaSouth

    Oh no, RIck Perry, you really shouldn't do the "hey, are these fuckers stupid or is it just me" face. It's NOT just you by any means, but you reallly are stupid. And on the end tonight I see.

  • http://drpaul2012.wordpress.com Donner, Party of 1

    Perry's first act as President would be to put the R back in Warshington.

    • flamingpdog

      His second act would be to put the war back in Warshington.

      • http://www.stumbleupon.com/stumbler/cheaphits/reviews cheaphits

        And his third – adding closet space to the Oval Office.

        • horsedreamer_1

          He could reinstate the antechamber where Bill kept Monica, just gay it up a little bit. Less Big Mac, more watercress sandwiches.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    They're all looking at Perry like he just got off the short bus.

  • bumfug

    A Lunesta ad? Who needs Lunesta when you've got a republican debate? If one these idiots becomes president it'd produce more thoughts of suicide than all the Lunesta ever made.

  • Biff

    These fucks should do well in South Cackalacky.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Wendy's Diner!
    Drink?

  • SheriffRoscoe

    He'd be far it.

  • Negropolis

    Right to Work! Raaarh! **tepid New Hampshire applause**

    What a dangerously and criminally stupid man.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

      Which one?

  • MzNicky

    Something about Rick Purrah's mannerisms, face, words, haircut, clothes, facial expressions, beady little hateful eyes, bullying strutting way of just being, makes me want to fill up a pillow case with nuts and bolts and other pieces of heavy metals and just fuckin' wham the bejeezus out of him.

    • FakaktaSouth

      Something about that craggy face and obvious residual brain damage makes me think you may already have.

      • MzNicky

        Only in my dreams.

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      Sock full of pool balls would do it.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

        Quarters, too.

  • NellCote71

    Mitt wouldn't know a middle-class American if it sat on his face.

  • flamingpdog

    Extreme overhang, Mitty? If this goes on much longer, I'm going to have an extreme hangover tomorrow morning.

  • Biff

    Romney remembers parts of the preamble now!

    • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

      "O Beautiful. for spacious skies,
      For amber waves of grain…."

  • Negropolis

    Tax cuts = pursuit of happiness!

    Tax cuts are people, too, my friend!

    What a Romnelescent thing to say.

    • LetUsBray

      "Romnelescent" – You, sir, have won the debate thread.

      • Negropolis

        It's something that's been "twirlin' 'round my head" since yesterday. I also like that if Romney loses the primaries and then other candidates follow, I can all describe them with the same word.

        Romnelescence: Of, or relating or pertaining to, a failed political campaign/candidate.

  • Data Exactly

    Reused line 'in Obama's bones'. Lousy piMitt.

    • flamingpdog

      Obama thinks in his heart and his bones. Republican candidates think in their dicks and their assholes.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    I beginning to think that Mittens believes the shit he's saying.

    • BarackMyWorld

      I still think this says it best…

  • Biff

    GAH, closeup of Calypso!

  • flamingpdog

    OH BLEEEECH! The camera just focused on Callista!!! Why, Jeebus, WHYYYYYY!

    • iburl

      Robotic camera likes pretty robot ol' lady.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Does Newt throw a bag over that face when he fucks Callista? She looks like a bird of prey. Goddam.

    • http://drpaul2012.wordpress.com Donner, Party of 1

      The Gingriches will never have a mouse problem.

      • NellCote71

        Unless Newt needs a midnight snack, and Coalcoa is tranqed out.

    • Biff

      Ever since I first saw her, I thought she'd make a pretty good Angry Bird, but I haven't developed her killer app yet.

    • OneDollarJuana

      Puts pennies on her eyes …

  • SorosBot

    Hey Newt; Obama is not trying to create a radical European socialist state; and the country would be much better off if he did

    Oh, and Ricky? There are classes in America, you moron.

  • Data Exactly

    Who was curly-hair??

    • ThundercatHo

      Mrs. Dr. Pauly

  • iburl

    Now I know, Barack Obama invented the term "Middle Class." Thanks Foamy.

  • under_score

    Haha Santorum says he will use the language of bringing people together. Deluded much?

    • RavenRant

      Cuz gheys and folks who want contraception aren't people, obvs.

    • flamingpdog

      The ones he did bring together would be well-lubricated.

    • horsedreamer_1

      Joe Klein saw starbursts.

      Seriously, has he been righ about any politician, ever? Even when he wrote under an assumed name he was off base.

    • not that Dewey

      Cage fights are a way of "bringing people together".

    • OneDollarJuana

      Bringing people and dogs together.

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    Death tax, eh, Newt?

    Maybe you should read Jefferson's ideas about the the estate tax, and how a progressive estate tax would create a more equal society.

  • Negropolis

    Mitt: Polyia.

    He's slipping into this alien language…zurble blu blah blee! Errr…I mean, freedom, safety, and the pursuit of happiness!

  • iburl

    Foam-ass: "There are no such things as classes!!! We are a classless society. In fact, many times I've been told I have no class."

  • MzNicky

    OMG they just flashed a couple of Sanitorium spawn on the screen. I recognized them from that classic photo from the LAST time Ricky failed horribly. His pouty-faced daughter is older but still pouty-faced, and that spooky-looking bespectacled boy is still spooky-looking.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Romney: Trade imbalances began with Obama.

  • Gainsbourg69

    Mitt lives in the economy.

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    Mint is wrong about "most productive workers" according to the facts. However, facts do have a liberal bias.

  • flamingpdog

    Thank Darwin – the live feed just froze as I was about to throw my hiking boot at Shitt Romney on the monitor.

    • flamingpdog

      I finally got the live feed rebooted, and Romney was still babbling!

  • bumfug

    Mitt said "We have the right…to pursue happiness as we choose". Unless being gay-married makes you happy. Then, you're fucked.

    • SpeedoFart

      I thought "happiness" only applied to old, straight, rich, white guys.

      You know, real Americans.

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      Yeah, or wanting healthcare when you're a poor, or anything like that.

    • memzilla

      Or not f**ked, as the case may be.

      • horsedreamer_1

        Minneapolis Airport bathrooms are people, too.

  • FakaktaSouth

    Tell John Huntsmann all about how you want to tell China what to do, Mitt- cause we are in a position of such power with them. Awesome.

    • littlebigdaddy

      Fakata I am so in love with your avatar. I realize that you are a stinking hippie who lives in someone's basement, but nevermind.

  • Data Exactly

    Oh no! He IS a 5th column infiltrant! Abort mission!!! Role up the defense barrier! Huntsman IS one of them…

  • MzNicky

    Oh well listen to Mr. SmartyPants fella, all talkin' Chinese and shit.

    • littlebigdaddy

      I'm as hard as Chinese algebra.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

        Tom Waits. Many people just don't get it.

  • under_score

    China…they're hacking your computers, copying your movies…hide your kids, hide your wife

    • Guppy

      China is 4chan?

      • flamingpdog

        Is that like charliechan?

    • bagofmice

      Bored and petulant teenagers have been doing this ever since they discovered that you can't even set your DVR. It was VCR back when I was a teen, but we do try and keep up.

  • Negropolis

    I bet you that hearing Mandarian scared the ever-living fuck out of that crowd.

    • RavenRant

      In the 70's, the joke was, "If you're an optimist, you learn to speak Russian, if you're a pessimist, you learn to speak Chinese."

      Looks like the pessimists win again.

      • Steverino247

        We certainly made that joke in the intel section…

    • HedonismBot

      I can't figure out why Huntsman even wants to be the Republican nominee. If he had any self respect he would've waited four years and tried to sell himself to the other party. Democrats don't reach for their guns every time someone uses a word they don't understand.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

        It's because although Huntsman likes having a hip cool veneer, at heart he really is a Republican, and not a "moderate Republican," either. If you knew what his politics really were like, you would run screaming from him. Suffice it to say that in two terms as Governor of Utah, he treated major polluters as capable of being self-regulating, giving them a slap on the wrist at worst. Incidentally, his father's billions (and his own) come from the Huntsman Chemical corp., known and blatant polluter of poor and minority communities. Google "Huntsman Odessa TX" for details.

        • vulpes82

          Huntsman is just half-batshit insane in a field of super-batshit insanity, so he looks totally reasonable. Kinda clever, in a way.

          • Negropolis

            It's not even that.

            The only real difference between Huntsman and the frontrunners isn't that he's not bat-shit crazy, it's simply a difference of style. Huntsman is non-confrontational and conflict-averse. He likes to win with a smile, and has the ability to listen, if even not ultimately take any of your suggestions into real consideration. That's it. All it is is a personality/behavior difference. You stack on top of that that you can look pretty moderate when the conservatives in your conservative homestate are so far to the right as to have fallen off the spectrum, and Huntsman "moderation" is an illusion and deceit.

            Huntsman is far more conservative than Mitt Romney, and more conservative than Newt Gingrich, both of whom are conservatives of convenience. Mitt is a conservative if it helps him win, and Newt is a conservative for the right price. Huntsman is a conservative because that's the only thing he knows. He's from Utah; that's all he could be growing up there. The Mormonism there is based on very conservative, self-reliant ideals.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

            Few people mention the fact that Huntsman's economic positions are to the right of both Romney and Gingrich. Although I don't entirely agree with your last sentence — I believe Huntsman has actually had a more cosmopolitan education/upbringing than most of the poor sods condemned to live in Utah — I suspect his conservatism is, as you state, more bred-in-the-bone than that of either Romney or Gingrich, both of whom have actually had to work with people who had differing viewpoints. Even if Gingrich's idea of "work with" runs to the "bombthrowing" side of the ledger.

        • HedonismBot

          A lot of Democrats are just Republicans with a "hip cool veneer." Huntsman could fit right in.
          He's burned some bridges with both parties, true. But far too many Democrats run screaming in terror from the label of liberalism, and consider a Republican-turned-Democrat the Holy Grail of that all-important "bipartisanship." If he'd been willing to wait a few more years, he might well have been VP in a Democratic administration.
          His eagerness to belong to a club that won't have him makes me question his political judgment, if not his self respect.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

            I'm not sure it's "eagerness to belong," necessarily. I suspect it's more of his hip, cool "I'm so much better than you" outlook combined with the knowledge that his actual sympathies would make most Democrats shun him. His natural home IS in the Republican party. He's just waiting for the Republicans to wake up and realize that he is their Next Best Saviour.

  • Gainsbourg69

    Nice slap down of Romney by Huntsman. That jibe about a trade war made Romney look like an idiot.

  • Barb

    That debate left me feeling like I need a Silkwood shower, *shiver*. I'm going back to watching the football game so that I won't have nightmares tonight.

  • SorosBot

    OK, this was better than anything that the debate had to offer; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fFVUcTaISDc

  • memzilla

    What country can we pay to take these pandering asshats off our hands? Serbia? Burma? Nigeria?

    • NellCote71

      Maybe we could start a letter of."millions of dollars sitting inthe bank" scheme.

    • RavenRant

      They could give con artistry/grifting seminars at the Learning Annex in Nigeria.

    • flamingpdog

      Africa?

  • http://drpaul2012.wordpress.com Donner, Party of 1

    Languages spoken:

    Huntman: Chinese
    Romney: French
    Newt: Washingtonese
    Santorum: Old Testament Hebrew
    Paul: Austrian
    Perry: Bushian

    • iburl

      Cain: Pokemonian
      Christie: Pig Latin
      Trump: Trumponese
      Bachmann: Psychobabble
      Palin: Money

      • Steverino247

        Money doesn't talk, it screams.

  • http://drpaul2012.wordpress.com Donner, Party of 1

    "Daddy makes us spank ourselfs."

  • CountryClubJihadi

    Huntsman put peepee in Romney's Coke.

    • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

      Uh, Mormons don't drink Coke. Urine, I'm not sure.

      • littlebigdaddy

        No Coke, Pepsi!

      • Biff

        Yes, they do. Ever since one of 'em bought a distributorship, and it needed to be propped up. Special dispensation, good to this day.

        • user-of-owls

          A Mormon bought a urine distributorship? Eww!

          • flamingpdog

            I'm going to buy a urine distributorship. It's the only way I'll ever be able to have as many pee as Barb or Soros.

          • horsedreamer_1

            Can't wait to hear the Osmonds remix to the remix of Ignition.

  • memzilla

    Shorter version: Moar War, Moar Munniez For Teh Rich. End of debate.

    • NellCote71

      You forgot, no gays, no rights, no intelligence. Scary.

    • Biff

      You could've led with this and saved us all a couple of hours…

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Perry would be at the shootin range because he has a tiny penis.

  • flamingpdog

    "We are back and so grateful for this debate."

    You and who else, Diane?

    • BarackMyWorld

      Whoever is sponsoring Sunday's debate should be grateful to ABC for not making this one particularly meaningful. Chock this one up to "we don't want to be accused of liberal bias so we'll act like pussies"?

      • Negropolis

        Hey, this is a whole helluva lot better than when CNN actually teamed up with the tea party, last year, to host a debate. I also liked that ABC seemed to irk everyone up on the stage for asking so many questions about gay marriage so much to the point of where "Professor" Newt and the Mitt came out and chastized the moderators for sticking on the subject.

  • Biff

    Bassetball!Football!

  • LookASheep

    This has been a boring debate. Newt has not leapt across the podia to eviscerate Mittens and dance around in his offal. Santorum has not called anathema on the heretics. Paul has not fried Huntsman with his lethal gamma radiating eye sockets. No one has recommended the right kind of socks. Perry has kept his boot gun holstered. I miss the crazy.

    • SheriffRoscoe

      Wolf would have mixed it up I bet.

      • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

        Trump, too.

      • OneDollarJuana

        Enough! "We'll have to leave it there…"

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

      Life's been tough since Cain, Bachmann, and … wait, no, who's the other one?

  • FakaktaSouth

    I would like to see the wives' faces as these assholes all claim they'd be huddled around with the family any other Saturday night. That's how I got to be a guy who thinks he should be President – by spending so much time with my family.

    • flamingpdog

      We can only hope they're all "spending more time" with their families this time next year.

      • FakaktaSouth

        fuckin-a, fpd.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    No fucking blood at all at this debate. I demand my money back!

    • http://drpaul2012.wordpress.com Donner, Party of 1

      We wuz robbed!

    • HedonismBot

      Which one do YOU think would win in hand-to-hand combat?

  • under_score

    OK so I'm off to watch that college championship basketball game now…er football game…whut? LOL.

  • Gainsbourg69

    The shower of shite is over. Huntsman got some good punches in.

  • Rayguns_Zombies_Rise

    I loved actually when Paultard reiterated his cold "chickenhawk" smack on Newts jowls, which quivered with rage. His return of "Ron Paul talks shit" is even funnier…this is from the guy who engineered and pioneered the most vile levels of partisan acrimony in this country from missives about wingnuts call Democrats "pathetic, sick, insane, corrupt" yadda, yadda to impeaching Clinton as an election strategy. Not to mention his meandering about Democratic corruption and then being tossed out by his own wingnuts. Newt you annoying, monotoned, fat, chickenhawk, chickenshit, fat, stupid, lying, corrupt, fat, whore diamond shopping, fat, asshole…sit down and shut the fuck up.

    • Gainsbourg69

      That was a highlight for me as well, but I would've liked if Paul went after Romney and his sons as well.

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    I am so glad that there's no historical precedent for huge whining when vicious capitalist shits get beaten by Obama.

    oh, I have to throw this quote in:

    The election of Roosevelt was upsetting for many conservative businessmen of the time, his "campaign promise that the government would provide jobs for all the unemployed had the perverse effect of creating a new wave of unemployment by businessmen frightened by fears of socialism and reckless government spending."

  • flamingpdog

    "…if Santorum hangs around…

    YEEEEWWWW!

  • Biff

    Holy fuck–is that really Mary Matalin, or James Carville in a wig?

    • NellCote71

      Really. Every time I consider a face lift, I have only to look at something like that.

    • not that Dewey
  • littlebigdaddy

    OT, because I am sick of this shit. The Colts are going to pick up Andrew Luck in the draft. I predict that the Broncos will seriously look into acquiring Peyton Manning.

  • HedonismBot

    Someone's missing. Oh yeah… where's that crazy lady? You know, ol' kookookachoo.. the one with the eyes that could put you in a trance like eating an expired-mayonannaise-and-seroquel sandwich. Good ol' duckface, with the closet-case husband.
    Somebody help me out here?!?

    • sati_demise

      Buddy Roemer?

  • HedonismBot

    "Newt Gingrich, the historian, notes that marriage has been between “man and woman for 3,000 years.” Before that, obviously, marriage was between a giraffe, a log and a rain cloud."
    WRONG AGAIN Wonkette. Before that, marriage didn't exist because people didn't exist because God only created the world 3,002 years ago. For the first couple years, people were marrying the dinosaurs, but God put a stop to that when he gave the dinosaurs AIDS. I learned this at Regent University.

    • littlebigdaddy

      Marriage has existed for 10,000 plus years. My rough take is that it breaks down as follows:
      polygyny (1 dude plus multiple chicks): 50 %
      monogamy 47%
      polyandry 1%
      fictive marriage (in which there are no sexual relations) 1%
      homosexual marriage (which would include fictive marriage) 1%

      I cannot find any evidence for "man on dog" action that Frothy loves so much in the eHRAF. You all are welcome to look at it and draw your own conclusions.

      • BarackMyWorld

        You just brought a fact to a snark fight.

  • Dr Ozark Hellbender

    Oh, shit…another one of these? I was just sitting and reading a novel (Umberto Eco's new one, The Prague Cemetary), and I missed it…oh, wait…that makes ME the lucky one, don't it?

    • littlebigdaddy

      I have had that book for a couple of weeks, but not started it. Is it good? (His novels range from great to horrendous imho). Of course, why am I asking a salamander?

      • user-of-owls

        Amphibians are the best literary critics around. You do know, of course, that virtually the entire corpus of Post-structuralism was produced by caecilians, right?

        • flamingpdog

          Not the one that Simon and Garfunkle sang about, I hope. I hate that song.

          • user-of-owls

            No, more the ethnic group most associated with the mafia.

        • Dr Ozark Hellbender

          I wouldn't be Saussure about the particular order, but in general, I can Eco that sediment. Most post-structuralist theory originated in swamps, hence the term, "L'ecriture From the Black Lagoon."

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

          1419 just arrived. I'm saving it for speshulz.

      • Dr Ozark Hellbender

        It's pretty good; has some of the heavy historical name-dropping and conspiracies-within-conspiracies that made Foucault's Pendulum such heavy sledding, but it's fun. The narrator is a memory-impaired bigot and forger who despises just about every possible grouping of humanity possible, but is awfully engaging to read–sort of an erudite Archie Bunker or a speedfreak version of some Saul Bellow characters.

        Also, do you have any idea how hard it is to turn pages when one has only three stubby little fingers and is covered by slime? EDIT: Silly me, this is Wonkette, and we've been following the R debates–we all have some sense of what that's like.

  • HedonismBot

    Incidentally, which one of these guys do you think would win in hand-to-hand combat?

    • littlebigdaddy

      It would never get that far. It would be hand-job to hand-job combat. And I think Santorum would surge!

    • Biff

      Ron Paul, because he's old and treacherous.

      • user-of-owls

        Plus that leathery hide blunts most shivs.

    • Negropolis

      Well, Santorum is about 6'4" with a roundness he hides with sweater vests and mom jeans, so if he could get any one of them on the ground, all he'd have to do to finish them off is sit on 'em.

      Then, again, Paul is pretty wiry, and could probably do some surprise grandpa, old-guy jujitsu to immobilize larger opponents.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

        Doctor Ron is just about the right height to bite everyone else's balls off.

        And don't think he won't do it!

  • flamingpdog
  • Generation[redacted]

    Is it over? Wha'd I miss? How many dead?

    • flamingpdog

      We'll have to wait for the overnight Neilsen ratings to come in before we know how many died tonight.

    • user-of-owls

      Depends. If you're talking about candidates, alas none. If you're talking about brain cells of the dizzy children of Wonkette, countless billions.

      • bagofmice

        Only because we drink to measure, and the measure of drinking required by a republican debate is quite large.

      • HedonismBot

        None dead, but since you mentioned Depends, Ron Paul's Depends sustained some battle scars.

    • Negropolis

      Not nearly enough, my friend; not nearly enough.

  • not that Dewey

    This is the same George Stephanopoulos who credulously allowed Giuliani to claim that there were no terrorist attacks in the US while Bush was president? And he's hosting a Republican debate? Yeah, I thought so.

    • LetUsBray

      Did he ask any of them in a deeply solemn tone of voice, "Does Jeremiah Wright love America as much as you do?"

    • user-of-owls

      Ok Mr. Fox, we're leaving now. Here are the keys to the hen house. And remember, you gave us your word.

  • Beowoof

    __I heard there was a debate tonight, And on a more interesting note, the Saints beat the Lions.

  • littlebigdaddy

    So which Olympics is Mittens talking about? Is it the Special Olympics? The Gay Olympics? The Science Olympics (4th-5th grade)? Oh… the *Winter* Olympics? Is that like the X games only alot lamer?

  • user-of-owls

    Yeah, yeah, I missed the party. Nothing left in the house but snoring drunks and busted-up pieces of snark laying all over the joint.

    • littlebigdaddy

      Take a picture with your cellphone and post it on FB. That's what I do.

      • user-of-owls

        Quick! Hand me that big magic marker and hurry up with the whipped cream already!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

      Hey, at least you weren't a day late.

  • Steverino247

    Good thing for Rick Perry that I wasn't the moderator for this debate. After saying he would send troops back into Iraq, I would have felt compelled to immediately get up and slap the living shit out of him then drag him off the stage by this necktie. What the fuck is it with these guys?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

      They're chickenhawks who never served and none of their relatives ever served, either. Or else they couldn't talk so casually about sending people's relatives off to die and be maimed.

  • Negropolis

    After this dismal debate, this gave me a good smile:

    RuPaul in New Hampshire: ‘This country was founded by a bunch of men wearing wigs’

    RuPaul 2012: Why? 'cause why the fuck not?

    • flamingpdog

      I really like RuPaul, but after a whole year of Rand, Ron, and Ryan, I'd like to give the R part of the Paul hypodigm a rest.

  • DahBoner

    Did pizza guy deliver my thin crust with anchovies, pineapple, green chiles and BBQ sauce?

    WE SAID LIGHT ON DAH CHEESE…

  • Serfville

    I just got back from the hospital from going into anaphylactic shock from nuts or peanuts or something. PS: more fun than the 666th crackpot debate! You all were partying with icepicks & I had IV's & poked in the bad way. Sorry Rick Santorum. Nice blingee! Happy Newt Year! Oh, this guy next to me in the ER was screaming about ObamaCare & RomneyCare because they wouldn't admit him to the hospital. The bad news: I'm still alive to have to listen to another Meanest Person On Earth Debate. Who did they want to kill off tonight? Sick people, or did they eat puppies?

    • flamingpdog

      All of them, Katie.

      If I weren't a rodent, i would have had your avatar.

  • El Pinche_v2

    After that disaster, it's good to wash your brain out by watching hours of snuff movies.

  • littlebigdaddy

    You know, this is a WAR BLOG but we can have some fun as well: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yowJiQZBXrA&fe

    • Biff

      Nice! Used to see him with Junior Wells when we were all about 30 years younger…

  • BarackMyWorld

    Terrible candidates are terrible.

  • http://www.stumbleupon.com/stumbler/cheaphits/reviews cheaphits

    It's not easy to be boring AND crazy, but this group of shit weasels did a fine job of it.

  • PuglyDoRight

    How did Newtie get the Catholic Church to let him in, on wife #3? He must have paid big money to annul the first two marriages, thereby making his children illegitimate. Hussy.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      My god, children? Newt has spawned? Aiee!

    • SorosBot

      Nah, the first two marriages don't count; according to Catholic doctrine, marriages performed by heretic Protestants aren't real marriages and so don't need to be annulled.

      • BarackMyWorld

        Does that still mean his children are illegitimate?

        • SorosBot

          Of course! Only marriages sanctioned by the Catholic Church count to god, according to the Catholic Church.

        • LetUsBray

          Well, have they been consecrated by a priest under the Sacrament of Transubanalpenetration?

  • lochnessmonster

    Thanks for adding the wine Blingee…

  • James Michael Curley

    Why did you end the coverage at 10:13? They were just about to start the Talent Showcase. Newt did a stirring version of 'I'm a Little Teapot.' and Ron Paul singed his eyebrows with one of his flaming batons. Two fire brigades were needed to extinguish it.

    During the swim suit contest the crowd was shocked when Mitt appeared in the first two piece worn in the entire history of the competition. It was learned he needed the two piece to cover both of his faces.

  • chascates
  • ThundercatHo

    A hearty belly laugh on a frosty Sunday morning. This is why I love my imaginary friends. Thank you, and I'm definately stealing Zippity Do Dastan, not that anyone under 50 will get the reference.

    • Loaded_Pants

      Under 50 here & I do get the reference. The Disney Channel, back in its early days (early-to-mid-1980s) used to show old Disney cartoons, musicals & excerpts from their musicals. They showed bits from "Song of the South", as I recall. I don't think they showed the whole musical but maybe they did. Anyway, this was still before "political correctness" caught on. I do remember that some of the older cartoons they aired clearly had characters based on racist stereotypes.

  • rocktonsam

    crap, I missed the debate.

    I hope there will be many, many more debates that I will most likely miss too.

    • rocktonsam

      shouldn't all these churchy McChurches debating and those watching suppose to be in church on a Sunday morning and not hating on a brother?

  • Limeylizzie

    I am up at an insane hour in LA and there is another fucking debate…with the spookily obsequious David "Uriah Heep" Gregory. Is there another Wonketteer here to live-blog with me?

    • rocktonsam

      I would, but I have to get to church.
      All the best Lizzie!

      • Limeylizzie

        It's the debate that last night should have been, it's nasty.

    • Gainsbourg69

      The Manchester City vs Manchester United FA cup tie is over as a contest. That's the only reason I'm watching this crap.

      • savethispatient

        Looks like you spoke to soon…

        • Gainsbourg69

          That was never a red card. City was always going to lose when they were reduced to ten men. As a neutral it was a shit game to watch.

    • not that Dewey

      I must have missed the debate, but the top news result was this Wapo story, which reminded me of the incredibly moronic "mentionmachine" thing the Wapo is doing these days with which Pareene had a field day last week. Forget about the debate, and laugh about the terrible new journamalistic web gimmick, instead!

  • Limeylizzie

    This is the mean girls debate, thanks Newton Leroy.

  • http://protoplasm.wordpress.com/ Preacher_Griz

    The best way choose from among this slate of candidates is to imagine which one you would most like to be butt sexing you, and vote for him, because that is what is going to happen.

  • freakishlywrong

    This isn't a debate. It's a hatefuck for the average American. And those assholes are clapping for this shit?

  • Bluestatelibel

    Wow, you guys are brave for subjecting yourselves to another hour-and-a-half of this voluntary brain damaget. Like a good libtard, I was all cozy at home watching watching this fine French movie http://bit.ly/zgEAiA. And five pages of comments – now I know what it means to be a chickenhawk.

  • V572 the Merciless

    "Labor stooges?" Like Curly the autoworker, Shemp the electrician, and Moe the plumber?

    • Gainsbourg69

      Mitt's such a man of the people, isn't he?

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Dang. Here this was my idea, and I forgot all about it and watched the Saints eating the Lions instead.

    Enjoy this as compensation.
    ~

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      What?

  • V572 the Merciless

    Santorum says Iran is a theocracy who believes the next life will be better than this one. He's describing what he wants the US to be, so maybe we should bomb ourselves. Look out, San Francisco — here come the B-52s!

    • SorosBot

      The B-52s are coming? Great, Cosmic Thing was one of the first albums I owned on CD! Well a love shack is a little old place where we can get together…

      • V572 the Merciless

        More like this

      • gullywompr

        Santorum was probably thing more of Song for a Future Generation.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Santorum wants to make the 'Murica a theocracy that will get the pedophile protecting Cardinals a' fapping. USA, USA, USA

      • V572 the Merciless

        Wasn't their fault. It was The Culture. Either "Hair" or "Jesus Christ Superstar," not sure which.

  • NellCote71

    Inewt looks like a sunny side up egg platter Sunday special in his yolk-colored ensemble.

  • Huevos Ocupados

    Fuck! I was out drinking and having fun with some friends and missed the whole thing. Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!

  • DahBoner

    Newt says "crooks" are STEALING 100 billion a year from Medicare.

    Crooks!

    You know, "The Middle Class"…

    • V572 the Merciless

      Worse yet, the Olds, with all their "illnesses." Stinking malingerers.

  • BarackMyWorld

    The Huffington Post headline this morning is "MITT GETS HIT, Rivals Go After Romney…"

    So….I'm gathering that everyone went home last night and thought of a bunch of crap they wish they'd said so they could use it today?

    • V572 the Merciless

      No, they just kept going all night.

      • BarackMyWorld

        That would've been the only good thing about having Michele in the contest.

  • DahBoner

    Huntsman is right about one thing.

    The American people don't trust these crazy, insane, partisan, sleazy, swarmy assholes called "Republicans"…

  • Bluestatelibel

    Someone needs to bring up the matter of how Mitt conveniently got out of the Vietnam War by going off to convert those heathens in France who never heard of God or Christianity before, and the primitive living conditions he had to endure. And then, just as conveniently, once the war was over, how Mr. Misssionary then when on a mission to destroy American businesses and jobs and make himself a zillionaire.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Oui. All the Republican crap about Freedom Fries and THAT is supposed to go unremarked on? I usually consider it not-my-business if someone doesn't serve, but this man AND all his strapping sons have been in prime age through American wars and they consider themselves too busy to be involved. Except for the part where they get to decide we should be in it.

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    OT but important to me: If Tebow beats my Steelers this afternoon I might have to off myself, so if you don't see me around here on Monday you'll know what happened.

    • Geminisunmars

      Well, Steelers just scored fieldgoal. I'm so ambivalent: My home team, but not my homie quarterback. Actually – I could give a fuck one way or the other. So I guess I'm still ambivalent.

    • flamingpdog

      I guess Baby Jeebus hates you, Jukes, but I really hope you're back here tomorrow. New England will have its way with teh Buncos next week.

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        Well, I was going to kill myself, but I got an extra-large pizza instead. Which only counts for PARTIALLY killing myself.

        Pdog, much of my life has been on-going proof that Baby Jeebus hates me, so that's not news.

        • LiveToServeYa

          Death by anchovy is pretty cruel.

      • Negropolis

        That is a really hard one for me. I don't like Tebow or Brady on a personal level, and though I don't like Big Ben, either, I'm a Steelers fan so long as they aren't playing my team. Yeah, I'm a hater.

  • finallyhappy

    I went to a history lecture(with a real historian). It wasn't wonderful but at least 1000 times better than the crap the GOP was spewing. However, thanks for blogging and commenting- so I can be sure I did better with my evening activity

  • ttommyunger

    One of us! One of us! One of Us! Six mental midgets hectored by a real midget… Should have been funny in a cruel kind of way, but being retired and all, I just couldn't work it into my busy schedule.

  • Dr Ozark Hellbender

    Hey, would I be linkspamming if I recommended, once more, that everyone give a listen, if they haven't already done so, to this week's This American Life story about Where Our Electronic Crap Comes From? (streaming available sometime later Sunday evening…) Worth a listen, especially when our R friends seem to think that we'd have a far better world if only American factories could be freed from tiresome labor and environmental regulations…

    As Whitman said, Do I Blogwhore? Well then, I Blogwhore! (OK, link is to the This American Life site, not a blog…)

    And yes, I'm typing on a laptop that was no doubt assembled in Shenzhen. I read the NY Times this morning on an e-reader that was no doubt assembled in Shenzhen. I just ordered a new cheapass desktop computer that was no doubt assembled in Shenzhen.

    And no, I'm not going to pretend I'm ready to walk away from Omelas, and I know damn well that feeling vaguely disgusted, or even urging other first-world elitists like myself to listen to a Public Radio story, are not really solutions.

    What then must we do?

    • Bluestatelibel

      One day I hope the world will realize that we need a Living Wage Law, that it's inhumane to force people to work like this, just like it's inhumane to make kids or let people starve on the streets. There will be lots of screaming from the usual sources, the same ones that said child labor laws would kill the economy, etc.

      Then again, Newt wants poor kids to work as janitors, so I expect this won't happen for quite some time.

    • flamingpdog

      I try to spend as many of my Ameros as possible on microbrew beer and "local" wine, which is still made in America. Then I do my best not to spill it on my electronic crap.

  • BarackMyWorld

    If I hear one more pundit claim this nomination should already be decided, I'm gonna flip out and start slapping people. Am I the only one whose calendar still says "January"? Let the fuckers beat each other up for a few more months before they have to get in line behind Romneybot.

  • mayor_quimby

    Time for a career change, I never thought of becoming a Magic Negro!
    Thank you, career counselor Owls.
    Do i send my CV to Will Smith or Morgan Freeman?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

      Good question, Mayor_quimby! I see jerbs for us cullud folks!

    • user-of-owls

      Smith's not wizened enough, definitely Morgan. And you might throw one James Earl Jones' way. I wouldn't bother with Yaphet Kotto, who quite unfortunately never seemed to fill this niche.

  • OneDollarJuana

    I'm a little late to the game, but

    "Newt Gingrich said the REAL problem in America is 'anti Catholic bigotry.'" Does this mean he would have voted for John Kennedy?

  • BarackMyWorld

    Chris Christie is a wrestling character with an elected office.

    Actual quote: "Something may go down tonight, but it ain't going to be jobs, sweetheart!"

    Stay classy, governor.

    • Barrelhse

      Sumo wrestlers post Christie's pic on their refrigerators to remind them not to over-eat.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Choose the light, Jukesgrrl111!
    ~

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Thanks, but I think that's where Tebow is hanging out. As I told Pdog, above, I decided not to kill myself completely but only order an extra-large pizza instead. Since technically the Steelers DID last until the end of regulation play. How could anyone have expected that Denver would NOT win the toss??? Those new overtime rules SUCK.

  • Negropolis

    There was no fucking way I was going to watch another debate after literally just a few hours passed from the other. I'm a glutton for punishment, but I'm not that fucking sick.

    I saw a very few limited amount of clips. I hear Huntsman partially redeemed himself after last nights cowardly, awkward performance, and that Newt finally turned himself into a weaponized human.

    • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

      Here's a recap.
      ~

      • Negropolis

        Thanks for the link. I'll read it in a minute.

        Is the actual thing posted to youtube or anything? I might be able to stomach it, now, if only to see the return of Old "Cut-a-Bitch" Newton Leroy Gingrich.

      • BarackMyWorld

        I'm sure that's more informative than the real debate.

    • BarackMyWorld

      "Newt finally turned himself into a weaponized human"

      That made my day.

      • Negropolis

        I forgot exactly where I heard the term; maybe it was the last hour of the coverage of the Iowa caucus from the MSNBC panel. I think it was from Chris Hayes, maybe. They essentially said he'd turn himself into a suicide bomber; they may have even used that term. I'm kind of stunned none of the conservatives caught up on it, but it was really early in the morning. It was after he'd made his concession speech, and they were all remarking on how he was on a suicide mission knowing that there was no way he could win, that he'd continue on driven by nothing but pure hate and spite…you know, the old Gingrich.

        • BarackMyWorld

          I'm stealing it.

    • LiveToServeYa

      Agreed. I haven't watched a single debate and I'm not going to start now and ruin my perfect record. And scar my brain.

  • DrunkIrishman

    Romney was like, "derpa derp" and Gingrich was like, "derp" – but then Santorum interrupted, "derpa derp retarderp child – pro-life! Woohoo!"

    America was then like, "fuuuuck me…"

  • BarackMyWorld

    ZOMG, fat asshole Tony Blankley died. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/08/tony-bla

    • not that Dewey

      He forgot to leave a beautiful corpse.

    • Radiotherapy

      Even Wolf Blitzer's tweets are boring. *gack*
      I was kind of hoping that pompous gasbag Stuart Varney had stomach cancer, got useless, poisonous chemo and radiation therapy and died, dag.

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        If we're voting, I'm going for that puss-bag on Rush's anus — a.k.a. his draft deferment — to turn poisonous.

        • Chichikovovich

          Every other cell of his body is poisonous, why shouldn't the pus-bag join the party.

    • SudsMcKenzie

      Without the common decency to take out a harmless pedestrian first like Robert Novak? Well I am depressed.

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

    I thought that was Zippity-zippity-zippity-doo-doo-stan-stan-stan. No?

  • mavenmaven

    Is 625 comments the Wonkette record? Did I just now post the highest numbered comment to an article EVER? Am I a WINNER?

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    OT but it has been well over seven hours since God's Chosen Quarterback beat my Steelers. I have showered, shaved, cooked a meal, spent an hour blowing shit up on Call of Duty, and I still want to walk down to Wilshire Boulevard and strangle the first homeless person I see. Fucking goddamn fuck.

    • Negropolis

      "….and strangle the first homeless person banker I see. Fucking goddamn fuck."

      Fixed.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Let go and let God.

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

    I'm proposing it. You second it, we'll pass this motion (heh).

    You ever hear of dong chim? That should be the official motto of that damn game, too. Or maybe dong chim should be Wonkette's unofficial game.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Yeah, that's the first thing I thought of when I realized what day it was.

  • Loaded_Pants

    So when he's on top of Calista, he's imagining he's on top of himself on national TV?
    I guess this is what "reality" TV has led to.

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

    I did it just for you, my furry friend!

    OK, maybe I didn't. Damn, can't turn your back on NObody around here.

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

    Aw, man, that is SWEET! Thanks, Biff! I'm'a download that onto my Pod for afternoon layin' down in the garden wiv a spliff.

    Edited to add: Hey, Biff, I know it don't make much of a difference but I do love you, dood.

  • Biff

    Love you too. Someone gotta give you a musical education…

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

    It's true, I'm utterly ignorant of American music, mostly. Le roi du rai is a little closer to the kind of music I grew up with. Let that be a small token of my gratitude, fella.

    And just be grateful I didn't post a link to the music I love so much — Cantonese opera!

  • Biff

    Sounds French, ya commie.

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

    It's mostly Algerian, ya lunk. Great trumpet, though, innit? That man can play yer pants off.

    You need to change your one-liner dood, it's hard to feel sorry about your pness when it's climbing into 120 before our eyes.