It’s Friday and Rick “Why” Perry, despite being excited about his prospects in South Carolina, actually isn’t even in the state: he’s in Austin, Texas at a shooting range “relaxing” before heading to New Hampshire, where he is polling at one percent. This guy! Well, there is a debate in New Hampshire Saturday night, and another one Sunday morning, to which Perry will be kind of a welcome attendee to the four people who tune in, because he is so relaxed even without the help of firearms that he makes most of the other podium-dwellers look comparatively off their meds.
And as far as South Carolina goes, Perry is ON IT with a new ad featuring a lot of bobble-headed nodding about the fact that he is The Man For You if you live in South Carolina. If you live elsewhere, he will be reordering some of the sentences in this video and setting them to visuals of Texas and [Your State] soon.
Perry’s enduring presence in this race is starting to look positively negligent, in light of his actual important job and his inability to rise above 1 on a 1-to-10 scale of pumped up about presidential matters. The media has begun to politely wonder why he is still running (Nate Silver conducted a ridiculous analysis over at FiveThirtyEight). The real reason is probably pretty simple: he still has a bunch of cash in the bank. Or he just … forgot what he was running for, but whatever it is, it seems pretty chill, from his seat in the back of the class. [Rick Perry's Twitter, NY Observer]
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He's so used to shooting himself in the foot. I wonder if he's also shot off again inside an anonymous Craig's List pal.
Perry just heard that the coyotes of SC were armed and dangerous.
Are you certain that's not the cougars and pumas of SC?
The cougars won't be pursuing him, but the bears might.
"He was comin' right for us!!"
Oops.
So what are the other two reasons he's still running.
Shooting is very relaxing, just ask Dick Cheney's lawyer friend.
Hey, it's all fun and games, until the vice-president shoots someone in the face.
he'll definitely make the perfect running "mate" for mittens
He made Dubya look like a genius after following him into the Governor of Texas gig, and wants to make Dan Quayle look brilliant too? When you're so dazzlingly incompetent that you make those two look good, perhaps you should just consider retirement while you and the world are ahead.
it's all fun and games until the vice-president shoots someone in the face.
Then it's just fun.
SHOOT if he was anymore relaxed he would shoot all the debate attendees in the face. Ndz moar klonopin oops.
Is he practicing for a game of Russian Roulette?
He doesn't need to with an automatic.
Yes, looks like an autoloader, should work out well!
I thought this whole GOPeer contest was a game of Russian Roulette. The "winner" gets the first prize of getting hammered and humiliated by Obama next November.
While the rest of us just get hammered.
Rick Who?
(god that felt good)
The Niggerhead Range is very relaxing. Sorry, BlahHead Range.
Brilliant! Rick likes to go down there and crack a couple of Brazil nuts…you know, the ones we used to call Blah-toes.
I can't believe I typed the "B" word.
I'll wash your mouth out with Blava soap if you do it again.
I just think that's unfair. We're never supposed to say it, but go down to an inner city basketball court sometime and all you hear is Blah-this and Blah-that…
Where all my Blah-thers at?
Blah, please!
Oh goody, another debate where he gets to show how smart he is. He needs to take a page from Lou Sarah's book and write some shit down on his hands. I'm pretty sure that's how he made it out of college. He makes W look positively erudite…
All he has to do is write "Oops" on his hands. That'll cover it.
As a fellow Texan, I say he needs to take a chapter from Lou Sarah and quit the governship.
I'm currently reading a beyond-shitty romance novel about a girl who doesn't know she's a werewolf despite healing super fast and hanging out with loads of known werewolves all the time.
She is more self-aware than Rick.
Valley of the Doll Werewolves?
Gone with the Moon?
The novelization of Heathers?
Sense and Lycanthropy?
ftw
awww, geewhiz , I thought it was kinda clunky .
Indeed.
Bridget Jones' 28-Day Diary?
My Texas Instruments slide rule calculator is more self-aware than Rick.
Aaaaah, yes, holding a gun in my hands. Sooooo verrrry relaxing.
Rick just loves putting his hands around something cylindrical and hard,lovingly caressing it and making it shoot out of its end.
Is this payback for the idea I put in your head for the Santorum sex tape? It worked!
Rick Perry is so lame no one can get into double digit up fists on this thread.
Your argument is invalid.
I just up fisted Raven to give them double digits. : )
I thought I felt something…
But does he think this song is about him?
Needs more Wylie Coyote.
"As president, I will go to the range every day, so I can keep in tip-top shape for fighting freedom. Uh, for freedom, that is."
real men don't need laser sights. loser.
That handgun just explodes with overcompensation.
Maybe this Iranian dude should try hanging out at the shooting range:
http://bodyodd.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/01/06/100...
Rick is so popular in Texas that his fellow Texans are urging him to do for America what he's done for the Lone Star state — in the hopes that after that, they won't be last in every measure of civilization and success.
Why do Texans hate America?
How much time ya got?
Perry goes for the gun.
"I'll take it…"
MacReady beats him to it.
"Maybe it should be someone a bit more even-tempered, Perry"
Has Perry been spending a lot of time alone out in the tool shed in the last couple of days?
Well, he hasn't actually been alone out there!
(And yes I get the reference but I'm makin' a different reference… like, that he's GAY and stuff…)
Gay? You mean…. Rick Perry digs guys? And not, you know, for hunting buddies and watchin' football and drinkin' bourbon but you know, …like, I mean, digs guys … that light in the loafers stuff? …. Oh, geez.—
I'm really glad that someone knew what the hell I was talking about.
Baldar, I'm sensing that your italics indicate sarcasm or, perhaps, irony.
I'm sorry that nobody took "The Thing" reference and ran with it. Lame, cultural-reference-missing bastids.
? That's what the "tool shed" comment was. Y'know, cause whenever people are away for a bit of time, they get Thingified. Like Wilfred Brimley locked in the tool shed and building a spaceship there?
No love for Canadians around here. We're really the oppressed ones in this society.
He's practicing to be like the Texan on The Simpsons. That way, if a reporter asks a question he doesn't understand or like, he can just holler a bit and randomly fire pistols into the air.
That's also how we Texas residents respond to any request the boss at work makes of us that we don't like.
Do that once, and the boss will let you read wonkette all day long!
It worked!!!
Isn't that pretty much what he does already?
All the GOP contenders this season seem to be taking cues from the Simpsons.
"I'd say the stress was getting to [Rick]… except, what stress?"
Needs more Foghorn Leghorn. Quote: "Pay attention, now! I'm not just talkin' to hear mah head roar!"
Well now (regarding the photo) I guess I know part of what's behind the cacophony occupying the vast space between Rick's ears.
Foghorn Leghorn on Rick Perry: "That boy reminds me of Paul Revere. His ride that is. A little light in the belfry."
OT, but I've been answering these unscientific "What Do You Think" polls over on the right hand side of the page as if I were a raging right-winger all afternoon, for the lulz. What do YOU think?
I just became a rural dwelling man in his 60's who loves Juicy Couture and never uses an ipod and laptop at the same time. Fun.
And I'm an Inuit homeowner who's never heard of Nike shoes and does not care for Santorum.
As I would imagine most Inuit homeowners don't.
I don't know who Michele Backman is. Unfortunately, not true.
They're kind of blasé.
I'm just wondering where the poll questions are from; and what their purpose is.
I think the space aliens have a formula to determine which of us is tastiest based on our answers.
It's a cookbook, sheeple!!!!!
The whole shooting range thing was a mistake. An aid overheard Perry on the phone saying that he needed to drill some guy to relax, and assumed he meant he wanted to go to a gun range.
This is one of those rare occasions where, if Perry smoked a joint right before the Republican debate, he might actually improve his performance. It also is my strategy for making it through the debates without kicking in my TV screen.
♫ Happiness, is a warm… ♪
Oh, to hell with it.
Pun.
Nun. Somebody got the lyrics all wrong, and there's been nothing but problems since.
Bun.
Man, y'all are some cold-hearted wimminz in here. How could you wish such a horrible fate on a poor innocent Bun-Bun.
Oh, you mean, like, santorum-cake style bun?
Cunt?
When Rick Perry becomes President, he can turn the outdoor swimming pool into a firing range. We can only hope the workers forget to disconnect the tap.
So, why is Perry staying in the race? Because under GOP rules, the guy who comes in second gets to be elected the next time no matter how stupid or foolish they are.
So you're saying he'll come in second eventually and take the nomination when he's, what, 139 years old or so?
There are three reasons Perry is still running. God, Fame, and…. ooops.
(gotta use this meme as much as possible since soon it will be gone…)
Protecting our Third, wait, Second Amendment rights that Obama is eroding every single day.
Rick on the range reminds me of Looney Tunes. Why, I say boy, he’s the rootinest-tootinest shootinest, gunslinger there ever was.
I expect he’s gettin in some practice to take out those wrascally wepublican varmitts at the next debate.
Why does Perry shoot guns to relax? Simple:
Pull, pull, pull, pull tighter, now sqeeze—gently–a little more, a little more , and . . .
. . . BANG!!
Ahhhh, how relaxing.
Rick's campaign is make Fred Thompson's look positively frantic
And articulate.
Can't wait to see him hawking reverse mortgages to the oldes, too.
shoot (!) if he were anymore relaxed he’d prolly shoot the debate attendees in the face. NDZ MOAR KLONOPIN!
Perry’s enduring presence in this race is starting to look positively negligent, in light of his actual important job
Huh? I thought he was governor of Texas.
At least he pretends to be doing his day job by going back to Austin.
One-L couldn't even manage that!
Perry's campaign was much like Russian Roulette, but played with an Automatic pistol.
Rick Perry appears to be so relaxed it's a wonder he doesn't shit his pants all day.
Rick Perry appears to be so relaxed it's a wonder he doesn't shit his pants all day.
I think that's John McCain you're thinking of…
Because it comes out his mouth instead.
OK, that made me laugh. It's juvenile, but so what.
That was Perry Como.
Just like Rod Stewart!
Already Very Relaxed Rick Perry Shoots Guns to Relax
Why are the biggest news stories always dumped on a Friday afternoon?
Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk
I'm a woman's man: no time to talk
Music loud and women warm, I've been kicked around
since I was born.
But now it's all right. That's OK
And you may look the other way
We can try to understand
the New York Times' effect on man
Whether you're a brother or whether you're a mother,
you're staying alive, staying alive.
Feel the city breaking and everybody shaking,
and we're staying alive, staying alive.
Ah, ha, ha, ha, staying alive, staying alive.
Ah, ha, ha, ha, staying alive!!
——-
Um, yeah, I can't visualize Perry singing along either…
Well Rick in the south represents so many of the faithful that he may actually poll in positive numbers. Dumb Yankees don't know shit anyway. Down in the south they love their politicians stupid and on the take. At least looking at the line up from the south the evidence supports that allegation.
South Hampshire, also.
Will Perry still be around for the March 3rd Washington Caucus? If so, do you think the Secret Service would mind if we dressed Rickie up in a seal furry and went looking for a pod of Orcas?
Well Rick in the south represents so many of the faithful that he may actually poll in positive numbers. Dumb Yankees don't know shit anyway. Down in the south the love their politicians stupid and on the take. At least looking at the line up from the south the evidence supports that allegation.
I think Texas, when they secede again, should change it's name to Asshole.
America's Taint and Wang are just a couple of states over so it works well.
Can Arizona be America's last bowel movement?
The Eyes of Asshole Are Upon You.
Don't Mess with Asshole?
Hey, that does work!
That's pretty much what everyone else calls them anyway.
We'd take Big Asshole too. Of course, Biggest Asshole would still belong to Alaska.
Very second amendment solution-y.
Does anyone know many Republicans it takes to fire a gun?
One from Wyoming.
One to move the gun factory overseas…
One to make speeches about how Jeebus was a gun nut…
And the rest to cry like a bunch of babies about how Obama is going to take our guns away?
Perry sure spends a lot of time trying to appear "manly". Hmmm…
Oh, don't worry; I'm sure he's not desperately trying to overcompensate for anything.
Did I just hear there's live gooper debate blogging in our future?
~
It's a debate on a Saturday night, against the football playoffs; it's as if the Republican party decided they don't want anyone to watch it.
Rejected and dejected by the Iowa Cockass, Perry has returned home to friendly fires–warm guns, sizzlin' cock and hot Texass.
Must not have been enough time to line up a "Friday Execution".
I'm sure there's some mentally handicapped black kid stealing a pack of gum somewhere in Texas, Rick's just gotta look.
But hey, man, he's so tiii-herd. This presidentin' stuff is haaaaard.
Or some college student in Austin with one marijuana seed in his backpack.
I also get very relaxed when I am extremely intoxicated. Unless I'm driving. That's hard!
What happened to the good ole days when someone just smoked a bowl to relax? I just don't understand kids these days.
This is Texas. Trust me, up here in the PNW, we go about it the old fashion way, like the founders.
George Washington? Is that you?
May be Rich should execute a couple of "challenged" inmates. That should pep him up some.
Must be nice to have a job where you farm out the hard work to God so you can have a relaxing hobby like "running for President".
I'm gonna start using that excuse at my own job. "Yes, boss, I know the deadline for that report is this afternoon, but I made the grace-filled, Christian decision to leave it up to GOD, so go ask HIM about it."
Nothing dilates the blood vessels like campaigning.
He should take his gun to the debate to show his support for the 2nd amendment.
Ricky, three things: 1) Pull your gun out of its holster, 2) Make sure it's loaded, 3) Oops!
WIN
He better hope that this shit doesn't happen in South Carolina. In South Carolina, the crowd reflexively shoots back. Maybe in New Hampshire, too.
When he said being governor of Texas involved a lot of executions, I didn't know he did them himself. I'm sure the citizens of his state are thrilled that he's back on the jerb. Like One L's and Ron Paul's constituents they've been paying for nothing for months now.
You know who else in Texas liked to go shooting to relax?
Charles Joseph Whitman?
Shit, that was something Neilist would write. Sorry.
One Neilist is enough.
Never again. well, it was a leading question, though…
If it makes you feel any better, that was my first answer too. Or Lee Harvey Oswald.
Charlie Goodnight?
I can understand him shooting to relax. Why I myself count bullets to put me to sleep.
Why do I get the feeling that when he finally, finally drops out, he's just going to shrug his shoulders, go, "Oh, well!" and ask someone in the family to get him a beer?
Does Texas actually pay Rick Perry to stay away?
Oh, yes. It's a lot cheaper, too.
Too bad paper targets can't shoot back.
Skeet skeet skeet, motherfucker.
Well I always found it relaxing! But here's how Perry would do it.
I'm not an expert at shooting, but shouldn't he be leading with his left leg in order to maintain his balance?
That pic looks like a security camera video from a 7-11.
Well fuck me. On the first Friday every month me and some fellow gun enthusiasts go to Red's Indoor Range in Oak Hill, drop some rounds down range, talk about guns, life, kids, peace, love and BBQ and then we rotate each week to one of our homes for dinner amongst my 10 friends. We all showed up and the range was closed because of a “PRIVATE PARTY.” Now I know that me and my friends, as Texans, probably paid for Rick’s pity party.
I love this state. But my God, can we ever get rid of this son of a bitch? Maybe I can convince the President to have a temporary embassy in Somalia and ask Rick to be the ambassador. God damn it, I hate this goat fucking Teatardian POS.
Sorry for my rant. Well shit. May be next Friday we can have some fun.
Can I be an evil sumabitch and state that I'm a bit disappointed that Perry wasn't so relaxed and so loose that he shot the gun in the opposite direction than what is generally advised?
BTW, Liz, I think his name is Rick "Oops" Perry.
Ah, yes. Rick Perry, the Matthew McConaughey of American Politics.
We all know Rick Perry is just training so he'll have better aim when he goes postal after his dismal placement in the New Hampshire primary. Little does he know that New Hampshire is the Kentucky of New England, so they have guns, too.
I've been issued one or more guns for just about every job I've held since my first enlistment in l959. Even pulled seven years flat as the Senior Firearms Instructor at a Federal Law Enforcement Academy (Pre-FLETC). I can assure you, firing a gun is not relaxing, unless it happens to be the only way a man can feel empowered: I'm talking to you, Ricky.
Being the dumbest republican candidate for president is like being the darkest hole in space or the worst driver in Texas (now commonly known as Asshole)..
He likes to shoot his gun
But he don't know what it means
Hey Tex-assians!
How's that praying for rain working out for y'all? http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-201_162-57354420/2011...
Rick Perry shoots like he always shoot : from behind.
And by "shoots his gun" we mean masturbates.
And in that Rap music too. And why won't Eric Holder prosecute those Blah Panthers for voter intimidation. Henngghh? We all know who the real racists are.
yeah, my first answer to that got deleted too, like *instantly*. I resubmitted, and that seemed to work.
Actually, my first answer was William Burroughs but his little William Tell "misadventure" was in Mexico, so…
Sorry, I haven't seen that movie in a gazillion years. I'll bow out of the cultural reference attempts now.
Please don't do that! We're going to need you. What if we start riffing on Hot Fuzz and forget all the funniest bits?—
I love, love, LOVE that movie. And, yes, I DO want to marry it!
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