The monsters in those Twilight movies don't look like this, jeez!John McCain wandered away from the rest of his senior-housing group at the indoor mall and next thing you know he had wandered onstage with Mitt Romney, in South Carolina! Seems like a good opportunity to give Mittens an endorsement, right? Eh, or just endorse “President Obama,” maybe that guy can “turn this country around.” Will you laugh or cringe at this excruciating old-person video? Both? All of them?

The great thing is that Romney doesn’t even respond in a human way, because he’s not human. Besides, he’s probably thinking about something totally different. Probably counting money in his head. “And there’s a million over there …. and I can sell those extra mansions in Aspen or wherever, and then there’s some more money for that pile. Money money money! I’ve got a very large collection of money, don’t I?”

This is a good excuse to feature another classic John McCain moment on the YouTubes, from Campaign 2008:

[YouTube/Another YouTube]

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  • Barb

    I'm surprised her didn't endorse Taft. "I'm daft for Taft and you should be too." "Where did I leave my fighter plane?"

    • For a sec there, I thought you said "draft," which ironically enough, none of the Romneys ever endorsed.

    • Fare la Volpe

      I Still Like Ike.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Which Taft? W H or R A? He could compare the two from personal experience. "Uh, one of them was bigger than the other…"

    • finallyhappy

      tippicanoe and Tyler too!

      • Callyson

        Oh, you beat me to it!

  • nounverb911

    Senility is still a bitch.

    • Barb

      And so was his running mate……….

  • nounverb911

    Nikki Haley just pooped her pants.

    • flamingpdog

      Senator Vitter just fell in love.

    • horsedreamer_1

      Smells the same excreting as eating.

    • Negropolis

      You're confusing her with McCain.

  • DrunkIrishman

    Might be the smartest thing McCain has ever said.

    • nounverb911

      Or the truest.

      • NewtsChicknNeck

        definitely the truest thing he's said since bush broke his will by intimating to S.C. republicans that he had a black kid (something he'd have in common with S.C.'s other favorite republican).

        after some shit like that, you know, you really got to kowtow to the assholes who did that and spend the rest of life trying to earn the love the kind of people who would hate you for it (unless you're strom thurmond and you were just banging the help–then, totally cool).

        somehow he's become 40% as mean as cheney which i didn't think was humanly possible.

  • "Uno! it's time to say Uno right?"

  • skoalrebel

    I think McCain was distracted by the fact that he'd filled his Depends with a warm, slimy butt dumpling. [spit]

    • So his ass was endorsing Santorum?

    • DaRooster

      I did NOT wanna picture McNuts with a Santorum flow control issue… thanks.

  • T-Romney 1000 not amused. Executing program RINO Endorsment 2.0…

    • NorthStarSpanx

      So, when we are comparing Romney to an alien or a robot, what does that now make Gore2000?

      • deelzebub

        That one was ManBearPig in a Gore suit. You can tell it was a bear by the mauling of Tipper.

      • ShaveTheWhales

        Authentic wood.

  • OkieDokieDog

    Applesauce 14 McCain 0

    Applesauce is going to the SUPER BOWL !

    • Nostrildamus

      McCain made a huge gooey mess on aisle 5.
      Fortunately, none of the apple sauce containers were damaged.

  • Rosie_Scenario

    I like the juxtaposition of a McCain post right above Palin. Just in case anyone has forgotten that Gramps is the one who foisted the grifter on all of us. Has it been FIVE AND A HALF YEARS yet? Seems like twice that already.

    • BlueMonkeh

      for that alone he should be in the new alzheimers cell block in gitmo

  • OzoneTom

    Someone slipped some truth-serum into his Geritol.

  • CliveWarren

    This is good news for… John McCain?

  • Lucidamente1

    I was waiting for him to mention Joe the Plumber.

  • SorosBot

    Doesn't this make you wish he had won and we were governed by an Alzheimer's-addled moron again? It we be the ultimate in 80s nostalgia.

    • SayItWithWookies

      "I thought it was a neat idea then, Senator — and I still think it's a neat idea."
      — Ollie North

    • Loaded_Pants

      Ah, the good (bad) old days.

    • NewtsChicknNeck

      1981-88: Alzheimer's
      1989-92: CIA
      1993-2000: Boners (but economic prosperity for all)
      2001-2008: Dry-drunk
      2009-2012: Republican who doesn't hate gays or blacks…or the poor (very much).

      I can haz haiku?

      • Negropolis

        Can I haz Bonoers and Economic Prosperity for All, again? Pleazes?

  • LiveToServeYa

    This despite all those people holding up signs to remind him who to endorse.

    • MissTaken

      Oh, you mean the Omney-flavored Aquafresh ads?

    • flamingpdog

      Next time they'll write it on his hand.

  • satyricrash

    How about that President Obama, HENNGHH?

    • Now get offa my lawn!

      • DahBoner


        Have you noticed?

        He's black!!!!

        • That one.

        • RavenRant

          Excuse me, the correct term is blah. Just ask Frothy.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    Ahh…Walnuts, we've missed you–in the same way that you miss your cranky grandfather who thumps you with his cane, yells at you to bring him some Doublemint gum and causes your parents to fight over who gets to put their head in the oven first. Good times!

    • emmelemm

      You've met my grandpa??!!

      • deelzebub

        I think he's talking about my husband's Grandpa Larry. He stabs you in the side with a fork at the table if you exhibit bad manners. He doesn't discriminate either; I as an in-law have been jabbed, a cousin's boyfriend got it once, and he even pokes my husband's mentally and physically handicapped little brother. Cranky old SOB makes Miss Manners his bitch.

        • Texan_Bulldog

          Oh, and I forgot: he always calls you by your sibling or the family pet's name. As in: 'Sparky, get me some gol-darned Doublemint gum–I ain't got all day!'

    • Don't forget how much he looks like a cadaver when he takes his (frequent) naps!

    • tessiee

      "your cranky grandfather who thumps you with his cane"

      "Li'l Tessie! Go bring me something to hit you with!"

  • BaldarTFlagass

    This is bigger for Obama than Colin Powell's endorsement in '08!!

  • Will you laugh or cringe at this excruciating old-person video? Both? All of them?

    All of 'em, Katie.

  • Joshua Norton

    So do you think Palin would be President if the unthinkable had actually happened and Walnuts won? Camp David is just rife with opportunities for "hunting accidents".

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      Hell, Walnuts wouldn't have made it past the third day in office before he 'fell down the stairs' or 'slipped in the bathtub'.

      • Loaded_Pants

        Sarah: "I didn't push him. He fell."

        • Dr_Zoidberg

          'Pinky swear!'

          • Ms_Anthrope


          • horsedreamer_1

            [Starburst crotch]

        • tessiee

          JMcC: If I weren't in this chair…
          SP: But-cha ARE, John! Ya ARE!

          • Negropolis


            Tina Fey joked on Letterman the other night that Palin will probably start her own party sometime at the end of the primaries and name it the America or Patriot Party, and then she did the accent, and I just near about died.

  • Romney will get some his TOP Reptiloids on this problem, right away.

  • FakaktaSouth

    Best part is the way they are closing in on McCain at the end as it fades to black. I'd like to think Mitt put him in a sack and carried him away over his shoulder like Santa, threw him in the trunk of a big black car, slapped it closed, and had someone already at the wheel just drive off with it. That would be awesome.

    • RavenRant

      He's more a 'tie him to the top of the car' guy than a 'throw him in the trunk' guy.

      • tessiee

        That's Mitt's usual MO anyway.

    • LesBontemps

      For me, it's sufficient to imagine Romney and Haley wrestling him to the ground.

      • FakaktaSouth

        I would totally watch that. Over and over.

    • DahBoner

      I'd like to think Mitt put him in a sack…

      Actually, he lured him in there with a 15 cents off coupon on a single piece of fruit….

  • Is it wrong to feel sorry for this withered, dimwit fossil? I just want to know for the day it happens.

    • Just remember all the people around the world who are growing up impoverished, maimed, or not at all, thanks to the GOP and this entitled douchebag.

      The moment will pass.

  • Goonemeritus

    Has he finally given up wearing an onion on his belt?

    • Fare la Volpe

      As was the style of the time.

      • Generation[redacted]

        Anyway, Obama won the election, but McCain walked away with the turnips!

      • tessiee

        In those days, a turkey was called a "Walkin' Bird".

        • DahBoner

          And nickels had pictures of Bees on 'em…

    • BigDumbRedDog

      Sorry, I missed yours when I posted mine.

  • Geminisunmars

    Sheesh – they forgot to tell him he was supposed to lie!

    • tealsheart

      …they told him, but he forgot…

  • I was looking for the shuffleboard court. Is it this way? Please pardon my onion.

  • BigDumbRedDog

    Why is he fiddling with his ass? Did he realize that he lost his wallet? No, I think he just pooped his pants. And the smell hits Romney there at the end and he reaches for the microphone to get the old geezer off the stage.

  • Why are you people in my house? Go away!

  • BigDumbRedDog

    Is that an onion on his belt?

    • DahBoner


  • MissTaken

    That picture still confuses me after all these years. Was he going to toss Obama's salad? Did he belch and the liver and onions he ate for dinner at 3 pm repeat on him? Did he just see the picture of Sarah's twat while she stuffed her face with potato chips?

    • StarsUponThars

      It's the alien space lizard trying to escape.

    • RavenRant

      Not that it really explains his behavior, but he was trying to leave after the debate, and he went the wrong way, and had to turn around and follow 'that one' out.

    • Steverino247

      That's Sarah's twat in that picture? I thought she was just wearing black shorts or something. Shouldn't there be tentacles or something coming out of it?

      • MissTaken

        Nothing, not even light, can escape a black hole.

        • Steverino247

          OK. I give up. I tried to top that one for about an hour. Can't be done!

    • SorosBot

      He farted, and is reacting to his own old-man fart's stench.

    • tessiee

      I figured he was in search of BRAAAAAIIIINNNNZZZ!

  • Canmon

    I'd like to think it was on purpose, a way of apologizing for foisting Palin on us.

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      There is no apology big enough for that ongoing tragedy.

  • DaRooster

    Romney, as always, is the absolutely most uncomfortable person on the planet. Pretty scary as he has been doing this for freakin' ever…

  • MissTaken

    Bomb bomb bomb
    Bomb bomb, Romney

  • elviouslyqueer

    I haven't seen that much flying tackling since West Virginia put the beatdown on Haley's alma mater this past Wednesday.

    What? We can appreciate college football too, y'know. And not just because they have Tight Ends.

    • Fare la Volpe

      And broad shoulders, and rough hands, and hard…calves…

      Sorry, what?

      • Dr_Zoidberg

        And tight uniforms….I love a man in uniform…or out of it.

      • Loaded_Pants

        I'll be upstairs.

    • FakaktaSouth

      She went to CLEMSON? Or as my MAJOR Cock fan (aren't we all?) friend would say, OF COURSE that cunt went to Clemson.

  • BigDumbRedDog

    "You guys promised if I said this stuff I would get jello. Where's my jello dammit!"

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      'I'm gonna miss Matlock! Maaaaatlooooock!

    • DahBoner

      Where's my jello dammit!"


  • SheriffRoscoe

    They should have let the clip run for a few seconds longer. The real entertainment was going to happen after they told McGrumpy what he'd said.

  • Fare la Volpe

    Say good night, Gracie.

    • LibrulEleet

      Good night, Gracie.

      • tealsheart

        Is she running for POTUS?

  • Looks like McWalnuts was hitting too much South Carolina moonshine and had a serious hennghh-over.

  • emmelemm

    54 40 or fight!

    • SheriffRoscoe

      FUCK! I misspelled 'Tippecanoe' before realizing I could have let it be for the purpose of mocking McCain.

  • littlebigdaddy

    And meanwhile you know Megs was backstage ass-grabbin some Romney boys!

    • BornInATrailer

      Good thing Megs has hands cuz there's 5 of 'em.

  • lolz.

    Cranky McPants seems to be deliberately sabotaging Romney. He's prolly thinking, I ain't gonna be the only person to lose to a black guy.

  • pinkocommi

    That's so maverick-y, you old Senator Maverick, you.

  • DaRooster

    If this is old news… sorry… I found it to be great portrayals…

  • DaRooster

    It really is a bummer he didn't beat Oblahma… we would have been so much better off.

    • DahBoner

      99 years of war on the wall….

  • SayItWithWookies

    There's nothing that's right about John McCain that can't be fixed by what's wrong with John McCain.

    • Negropolis

      Well played, good sir; well played.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Of course Romney didn't respond. If input is outside the acceptable range, his programing just ignores it and continues on as if nothing happened.

  • Seems that McWalnutz also said today that Mittens won't lead from behind like Saint Ronnie

  • BigDumbRedDog

    I love that second video. It's cute the way he's never ever been to a grocery store before.

    • Loaded_Pants

      And he probably paid in nickels & pennies.

      • BigDumbRedDog

        He probably waited until the cashier was done ringing everything up to fish around in his pants for a checkbook. Then wrote a check but had to tear it up because he wrote Walmart when he was actually at Safeway. Then wrote a second check but had to tear that one up to when he remembered he had a coupon for applesauce. Then argued with the cashier about why he couldn't use a coupon that expired two years ago and was actually for peanut butter. Then finally wrote the correct check for the correct amount but had to come back and argue because those prunes were supposed to be half off, only to have the cashier explain that those weren't prunes, that was his scrotum.

        • tessiee

          Then Ron Paul showed up and did the exact same things.

          • flamingpdog

            Then zombie Ronald Reagan showed up and BRAAAAAIIIINNNNNNZ!!!!!

        • Negropolis

          Then, argued over the price of his cereal, so a worker had to go to aisle 100 to confirm it while the line got longer…

      • Biff

        Gimme 5 bees for a quarter!

  • owhatever

    President Obama is a maverick, just like me. Joe? Is Joe the Plumber out here? Lindsey? I have thirty-five cents in my pocket.

    • Isyaignert

      …and a lint-covered Werther's candy.

    • DahBoner

      I have thirty-five cents in my pocket

      That's 35 cents that could be spent on an abortion.

      For Freedom!!!!!

  • meatlofer

    Most of his accidents these days are in his pants.

    • DahBoner


  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    And, in McCain's defense, Matlock was on, and he was in a hurry.

    • DahBoner

      Matlocks not real, grandpa….

  • OneYieldRegular

    It's impressive how much more quickly they move to get him off the stage than they did when Kim Delaney was drunkenly saluting the veterans.

  • LesBontemps

    "And another thing …Get off my lawn!!"

  • Steverino247

    And therefore I endorse…uh… that other one…for President of the United States.

  • UnholyMoses

    Best pic from the same event at TPM:

    Caption: "In my younger days, I'd kill this motherfucker with my bare han— … I smell tapioca. I hate tapioca. In my younger days, I'd kill that motherfucking tapioca with my bare han–I just made a poopy, didn't I?"

    • Loaded_Pants

      God, I love that pic.

      • tessiee

        He looks like he REALLY, REALLY wishes he'd saved his money.

  • WinterOuthouse

    I think McCain is wearing the "Oops I Shit My Pants" brand diaper now.

  • WinterOuthouse

    Maybe he could be a games show host or have his own cooking show. Cooking with Walnuts. (Toasted)

  • not that Dewey

    "President Obama will turn this country around. Where is that marvelous ape?"

  • Tommmcattt

    Good thing he wasn't using a teleprompter.

  • NewtsChicknNeck

    It's actually kinda brilliant. S.C. hates McCain too.

    • Harry_S_Truman

      Didn't he have a blah kid there?

  • Harry_S_Truman

    Okay, Nicki. Take Grampa back to the home now.

  • rickmaci

    It's because Obama is Blah….

  • Callyson

    Funny, but it would have been more hilarious had he said this in 2008.
    Then again, by picking Palin, he pretty much *did* say as much in 2008…

  • Redhead

    Talk about a man who NEEDS a teleprompter…

  • Guppy

    Next week he'll endorse Osama bin Romney.

    • flamingpdog

      Too soon!

  • Negropolis

    HA! I love how it takes a full few seconds for this coment to register with Haley and Romney before they swoop in as if the old man is having a series of small strokes.

  • Seems like Romney needs to get some of his younger, less senile supporters up there on that stage. Paging Christine O'Donnell.

  • ttommyunger

    Thought bubble over Nikki's head, judging by her expression: "If I let this fart slide out will anybody be able to hear it? I am fucking dying up here!"

  • not that Dewey

    One could argue that we're already in Evangelical Christian hell.

  • Wow, they stopped Walnuts before his planned big finish –

    "I just want to say how great it is to be back here in Hanoi, thank Miz Nikki, the Prime Minister of India for inviting me and let;s have that nice boy, Nitwit Romsey, from the Moron Choir join me in singing, 'Bomb, bomb, bomb…bomb, bomb Iran.'

    Thank you very much"

  • DahBoner

    President Obama will turn this country around….

    Uh, isn't that Rick Santorum you're thinking of?

    Or perhaps Larry Craig (R-Widestance)???

  • DalePues

    He needs a teleprompter.

  • JimNauseam

    This guy could've been president. Hold me.

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