senior moments

Old Walnuts McCain Accidentally (?) Endorses Obama Instead of Romney

The monsters in those Twilight movies don't look like this, jeez!John McCain wandered away from the rest of his senior-housing group at the indoor mall and next thing you know he had wandered onstage with Mitt Romney, in South Carolina! Seems like a good opportunity to give Mittens an endorsement, right? Eh, or just endorse “President Obama,” maybe that guy can “turn this country around.” Will you laugh or cringe at this excruciating old-person video? Both? All of them?

The great thing is that Romney doesn’t even respond in a human way, because he’s not human. Besides, he’s probably thinking about something totally different. Probably counting money in his head. “And there’s a million over there …. and I can sell those extra mansions in Aspen or wherever, and then there’s some more money for that pile. Money money money! I’ve got a very large collection of money, don’t I?”

This is a good excuse to feature another classic John McCain moment on the YouTubes, from Campaign 2008:

[YouTube/Another YouTube]

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  1. Barb

    I'm surprised her didn't endorse Taft. "I'm daft for Taft and you should be too." "Where did I leave my fighter plane?"

    1. Dudleydidwrong

      Which Taft? W H or R A? He could compare the two from personal experience. "Uh, one of them was bigger than the other…"

      1. NewtsChicknNeck

        definitely the truest thing he's said since bush broke his will by intimating to S.C. republicans that he had a black kid (something he'd have in common with S.C.'s other favorite republican).

        after some shit like that, you know, you really got to kowtow to the assholes who did that and spend the rest of life trying to earn the love the kind of people who would hate you for it (unless you're strom thurmond and you were just banging the help–then, totally cool).

        somehow he's become 40% as mean as cheney which i didn't think was humanly possible.

  2. skoalrebel

    I think McCain was distracted by the fact that he'd filled his Depends with a warm, slimy butt dumpling. [spit]

    1. NorthStarSpanx

      So, when we are comparing Romney to an alien or a robot, what does that now make Gore2000?

      1. deelzebub

        That one was ManBearPig in a Gore suit. You can tell it was a bear by the mauling of Tipper.

    1. Nostrildamus

      McCain made a huge gooey mess on aisle 5.
      Fortunately, none of the apple sauce containers were damaged.

  3. Rosie_Scenario

    I like the juxtaposition of a McCain post right above Palin. Just in case anyone has forgotten that Gramps is the one who foisted the grifter on all of us. Has it been FIVE AND A HALF YEARS yet? Seems like twice that already.

  4. SorosBot

    Doesn't this make you wish he had won and we were governed by an Alzheimer's-addled moron again? It we be the ultimate in 80s nostalgia.

    1. SayItWithWookies

      "I thought it was a neat idea then, Senator — and I still think it's a neat idea."
      — Ollie North

    2. NewtsChicknNeck

      1981-88: Alzheimer's
      1989-92: CIA
      1993-2000: Boners (but economic prosperity for all)
      2001-2008: Dry-drunk
      2009-2012: Republican who doesn't hate gays or blacks…or the poor (very much).

      I can haz haiku?

  5. Texan_Bulldog

    Ahh…Walnuts, we've missed you–in the same way that you miss your cranky grandfather who thumps you with his cane, yells at you to bring him some Doublemint gum and causes your parents to fight over who gets to put their head in the oven first. Good times!

      1. deelzebub

        I think he's talking about my husband's Grandpa Larry. He stabs you in the side with a fork at the table if you exhibit bad manners. He doesn't discriminate either; I as an in-law have been jabbed, a cousin's boyfriend got it once, and he even pokes my husband's mentally and physically handicapped little brother. Cranky old SOB makes Miss Manners his bitch.

        1. Texan_Bulldog

          Oh, and I forgot: he always calls you by your sibling or the family pet's name. As in: 'Sparky, get me some gol-darned Doublemint gum–I ain't got all day!'

    1. tessiee

      "your cranky grandfather who thumps you with his cane"

      "Li'l Tessie! Go bring me something to hit you with!"

  6. Joshua Norton

    So do you think Palin would be President if the unthinkable had actually happened and Walnuts won? Camp David is just rife with opportunities for "hunting accidents".

    1. Dr_Zoidberg

      Hell, Walnuts wouldn't have made it past the third day in office before he 'fell down the stairs' or 'slipped in the bathtub'.

          1. Negropolis


            Tina Fey joked on Letterman the other night that Palin will probably start her own party sometime at the end of the primaries and name it the America or Patriot Party, and then she did the accent, and I just near about died.

  7. FakaktaSouth

    Best part is the way they are closing in on McCain at the end as it fades to black. I'd like to think Mitt put him in a sack and carried him away over his shoulder like Santa, threw him in the trunk of a big black car, slapped it closed, and had someone already at the wheel just drive off with it. That would be awesome.

    1. DahBoner

      I'd like to think Mitt put him in a sack…

      Actually, he lured him in there with a 15 cents off coupon on a single piece of fruit….

  8. BigDumbRedDog

    Why is he fiddling with his ass? Did he realize that he lost his wallet? No, I think he just pooped his pants. And the smell hits Romney there at the end and he reaches for the microphone to get the old geezer off the stage.

  9. MissTaken

    That picture still confuses me after all these years. Was he going to toss Obama's salad? Did he belch and the liver and onions he ate for dinner at 3 pm repeat on him? Did he just see the picture of Sarah's twat while she stuffed her face with potato chips?

    1. RavenRant

      Not that it really explains his behavior, but he was trying to leave after the debate, and he went the wrong way, and had to turn around and follow 'that one' out.

    2. Steverino247

      That's Sarah's twat in that picture? I thought she was just wearing black shorts or something. Shouldn't there be tentacles or something coming out of it?

  10. DaRooster

    Romney, as always, is the absolutely most uncomfortable person on the planet. Pretty scary as he has been doing this for freakin' ever…

  11. elviouslyqueer

    I haven't seen that much flying tackling since West Virginia put the beatdown on Haley's alma mater this past Wednesday.

    What? We can appreciate college football too, y'know. And not just because they have Tight Ends.

    1. FakaktaSouth

      She went to CLEMSON? Or as my MAJOR Cock fan (aren't we all?) friend would say, OF COURSE that cunt went to Clemson.

  12. SheriffRoscoe

    They should have let the clip run for a few seconds longer. The real entertainment was going to happen after they told McGrumpy what he'd said.

    1. SheriffRoscoe

      FUCK! I misspelled 'Tippecanoe' before realizing I could have let it be for the purpose of mocking McCain.

  13. SayItWithWookies

    There's nothing that's right about John McCain that can't be fixed by what's wrong with John McCain.

  14. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Of course Romney didn't respond. If input is outside the acceptable range, his programing just ignores it and continues on as if nothing happened.

  15. BigDumbRedDog

    I love that second video. It's cute the way he's never ever been to a grocery store before.

      1. BigDumbRedDog

        He probably waited until the cashier was done ringing everything up to fish around in his pants for a checkbook. Then wrote a check but had to tear it up because he wrote Walmart when he was actually at Safeway. Then wrote a second check but had to tear that one up to when he remembered he had a coupon for applesauce. Then argued with the cashier about why he couldn't use a coupon that expired two years ago and was actually for peanut butter. Then finally wrote the correct check for the correct amount but had to come back and argue because those prunes were supposed to be half off, only to have the cashier explain that those weren't prunes, that was his scrotum.

        1. Negropolis

          Then, argued over the price of his cereal, so a worker had to go to aisle 100 to confirm it while the line got longer…

  16. owhatever

    President Obama is a maverick, just like me. Joe? Is Joe the Plumber out here? Lindsey? I have thirty-five cents in my pocket.

    1. DahBoner

      I have thirty-five cents in my pocket

      That's 35 cents that could be spent on an abortion.

      For Freedom!!!!!

  17. OneYieldRegular

    It's impressive how much more quickly they move to get him off the stage than they did when Kim Delaney was drunkenly saluting the veterans.

  18. WinterOuthouse

    Maybe he could be a games show host or have his own cooking show. Cooking with Walnuts. (Toasted)

  19. Callyson

    Funny, but it would have been more hilarious had he said this in 2008.
    Then again, by picking Palin, he pretty much *did* say as much in 2008…

  20. Negropolis

    HA! I love how it takes a full few seconds for this coment to register with Haley and Romney before they swoop in as if the old man is having a series of small strokes.

  21. ttommyunger

    Thought bubble over Nikki's head, judging by her expression: "If I let this fart slide out will anybody be able to hear it? I am fucking dying up here!"

  22. cheaphits

    Wow, they stopped Walnuts before his planned big finish –

    "I just want to say how great it is to be back here in Hanoi, thank Miz Nikki, the Prime Minister of India for inviting me and let;s have that nice boy, Nitwit Romsey, from the Moron Choir join me in singing, 'Bomb, bomb, bomb…bomb, bomb Iran.'

    Thank you very much"

  23. DahBoner

    President Obama will turn this country around….

    Uh, isn't that Rick Santorum you're thinking of?

    Or perhaps Larry Craig (R-Widestance)???

Comments are closed.