PATERNAMALISM  12:30 pm January 6, 2012

Newt Meant ALL Minorities In Saying Blacks Shouldn’t Want Food Stamps

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

A newt fondles a goat.

While “fastest mind in the West” Rick Santorum managed to invent an entirely new race of humans the blahs in the course of a losing battle with the English language as he backtracked on his comments that he doesn’t want to help black people with public assistance, Newt Gingrich took the opposite tack following his similarly repulsive statement, “I’m prepared if the NAACP invites me, I’ll go to their convention and talk about why the African American community should demand paychecks and not be satisfied with food stamps,” and responded to the general outcry with the clarification that oh yeah, he forgot he meant to include Latinos, too.

From an interview on CBS News:

“Obviously, I’m happy to go and talk to anybody in America. I went on to say I’d be happy to talk to any Latino group or any other group that was interested in talking about having paychecks rather than food stamps,” Gingrich said.

In other words, Newt Gingrich is available for speaking engagements, and that’s really the only paycheck he’s talking about. [CBS]

 
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{ 188 comments }

Barb January 6, 2012 at 12:31 pm

They should invite Newt to speak and pay him in food stamps. He's the same ass clown that said that people are using food stamps to pay for trips to Hawaii.

OCcupied_Surf_Serf January 6, 2012 at 12:34 pm

I think SouthWest will take foodstamps as payment…goats and chickens, too.

flamingpdog January 6, 2012 at 12:45 pm

Sue Lowden LIBEL!!

Crank_Tango January 6, 2012 at 12:46 pm

Yeah, but does Tiffany's? You can't trade hobo beans for whore diamonds, not that I know of, anyway.

RavenRant January 6, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Whore diamonds can only be acquired by good, old fashioned whoring.

Loaded_Pants January 6, 2012 at 4:16 pm

I've become convinced that he doesn't know what food stamps are. He probably thinks you can use them to mail food to your house, too.

nounverb911 January 6, 2012 at 12:31 pm

“Gingrich Is The Stupid Man's Idea Of What A Smart Person Sounds Like.”
–Paul Krugman

Chillwaver January 6, 2012 at 1:19 pm
rickmaci January 6, 2012 at 6:37 pm

Krugman said that near the end of one of the ABC Sunday a.m. pundit shows that included George Will on the panel. The funniest part was that Will sat with his arms crossed (he and Krugman clearly don't like each other) and didn't even try to defend Gingrich against that comment.

BaldarTFlagass January 6, 2012 at 12:31 pm

"And of course, the hard-working Asian-Americans don't ever even need food stamps."

Texan_Bulldog January 6, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Great minds! (See my post below…)

Chichikovovich January 6, 2012 at 1:22 pm

This place. Can't even take a few minutes to do some work without at least two people (and that's just the ones I know of) beating me to the post.

I assure you I'll never make that mistake again.

Chet Kincaid January 6, 2012 at 1:25 pm

You've been let go?

Chichikovovich January 6, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Naw. I'm just going to work as much as our Republican state legislators claim professors at [Big State U.] work.

You'll be seeing a lot more of me around here, is the bottom line.

OCcupied_Surf_Serf January 6, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Well, poor whites aren't a minority…they are a majority.

Loaded_Pants January 6, 2012 at 4:22 pm

No shit. I'd like to take any one of these stupid fucksticks to the sticks where I grew up & show them who's receiving SNAP benefits–many people who would actually vote for these fuckers.

BaldarTFlagass January 6, 2012 at 12:32 pm

That's two goats in a row in the header pic. Now I miss my pygmy goat Kevin.

Texan_Bulldog January 6, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Good thing Asians are all employed. Whew…they dodged the bullet of Newt coming to gloat over how much better white people are.

weejee January 6, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Newt is willing to pay Czechs but not Latinos or Blahs? WTF????

GOPCrusher January 6, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Isn't this going to further alienate the Republiklan Base? When white people demand a paycheck instead of food stamps, its considered "class warfare".

JustPixelz January 6, 2012 at 1:17 pm

"…the African American community should demand paychecks…"

The unemployed hae been approaching this "get a job" thing all wrong. Reading ads, sending resumés, updating skills. All they need to do is demand a paycheck. Unemployment can be 0%.

I'll bet Professor Gingrich wonders why Stupid Reagan didn't come up with that policy.

Loaded_Pants January 6, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Reagan didn't have cabinets full of "ideas".

Swampgas_Man January 6, 2012 at 5:31 pm

As an unemployed White Guy, I'd happily accept a paycheck rather than a job, even.

ManchuCandidate January 6, 2012 at 12:33 pm

I don't find Newty's remarks odd at all… for a guy who's spent most of his adult life sucking at the public teat and then act as a Wingnut Welfare Queen after being forcibly removed from said teat.

Newty's view is that only white people, especially white connected people, are allowed to be on welfare.

BaldarTFlagass January 6, 2012 at 12:38 pm

That's because they are only "temporarily down on their luck," not "gaming the system."

OneDollarJuana January 6, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Gingrich is happy to talk to Latinos, or as Santorum calls them, "Lah" people.

ManchuCandidate January 6, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Dah, a Dane, a female Dane
Reh, a person from Russia
Meh, what everyone thinks of me
Feh, a Frenchie who always runs
Blah, a person picking cotton
Lah, a Latino to follow Blah
Tea, a fatass on a Rasacal
That will bring us back to Dah (oh-oh-oh)

LesBontemps January 6, 2012 at 1:15 pm

"Meh people" = mehicans.

ThundercatHo January 6, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Nice, but I like the beer version better.

Isyaignert January 9, 2012 at 1:31 am

This site has the most hilarious comments evah!!

memzilla January 6, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Have these Rethuglicans no clue about the shifting demographics in this country? Psst: we're not getting whiter and richer.

hagajim January 6, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Even more important, they have no clue about who the largest users of food stamps are – white rural folk. Maybe Newt and assspooge ought to schedule a meeting with them.

SorosBot January 6, 2012 at 12:36 pm

"Have these Rethuglicans no clue?"

Yes; they have no clue whatsoever.

Chichikovovich January 6, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Karl Rove sure does. That's why he got Bush to try to put together an immigration reform package to wrap them up. But then he got one of those "he who rides the tiger cannot dismount" lessons when the entire LumpenRepublican base, that Rove believed he could channel in any direction he wanted, rose up with one voice to howl in blind rage.

GOPCrusher January 6, 2012 at 3:02 pm

I thought that was what all of this "We're taking America back!" bullshit was all about.

Chet Kincaid January 6, 2012 at 12:35 pm

When is one of these assholes going to call out and lecture the "Why" people who receive most of the welfare benefits?

BaldarTFlagass January 6, 2012 at 12:39 pm

"Why" would they want to go and do that? Heads would explode like a Scanners filmfest.

OCcupied_Surf_Serf January 6, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Chet…if they were to go full circle and look at the whole fucking system and realize that 7th bathroom in house no. 12 just may have a little something to do with some other American kids going to school in leaky trailers, sinkholes opening up in our dilapidated cities, parks closing, on and on, and they just may have a Scrooge awakening, a Come-to-Jesus moment, a return of a sense of shame….

So why start that terrible cycle?

GOPCrusher January 6, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Those are victims of the illegal Messicans that Obama brought over the border to take their jerbs.

hagajim January 6, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Have redneck, will travel (so I can buy Calista bling).

Barb January 6, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Newt, giving poor people food stamps doesn't help them anymore than going to McDonald's helps the pigeons in the parking lot. Stop trying to make it sound profitable for the poor.

Chet Kincaid January 6, 2012 at 12:44 pm

I saw a pigeon driving a Lexus, that he bought by gaming the fries in the parking lot!!!!1!!!

Barb January 6, 2012 at 12:55 pm

That is hilarious!

Chet Kincaid January 6, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Inspired by your brilliant turn of phrase!

Chet Kincaid January 6, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Also reminds me of a great poem by Chicago poet David Hernandez:

"Pigeons"
by David Hernandez

Pigeons are the spiks of Birdland.
They are survivors of blood, fire and stone.
They can’t afford to fly south
or a Florida winter home.
Most everybody passing up a pigeon pack
tries to break it up because they move funny
and seem to be dancing like young street thugs
with an 18-foot, 10-speaker Sanyo book box radio
on a 2-foot red shoulder strap.
Pigeons have feathers of a different color.
They are too bright to be dull
and too dull to be bright
so they are not accepted anywhere.

Nobody wants to give pigeons a job.
Parakeets, canaries and parrots
have the market sown up as far as that goes.
They live in fancy cages, get 3 meals a day
for a song and dance routine.
When was the last time you saw a pigeon

in someone’s home?
Unless they bleached their feathers white
and try to pass off as doves,
you will never see pet pigeons.
Besides, their accents give them away
when they start cooing.

Once in a while, some creatures will treat them decent.
They are known as pigeon ladies, renegades,
or bleeding-heart Liberals.
What they do is build these wooden cages
on rooftops that look like huge
pigeon housing projects
where they freeze during the winters
and get their little claws stuck in tar
on hot summer days
No wonder they are pigeon-toed.
I tell you,
Pigeons are the spiks of Birdland. [1991]

BaldarTFlagass January 6, 2012 at 1:15 pm

What about the pigeons in St Marks Square in Venice? Are they guinea fowl?

emmelemm January 6, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Wow – I'm in awe of the poem.

Chet Kincaid January 6, 2012 at 5:36 pm

I saw him frequently in the Good Old Days of the 80s/90s Chicago poetry scene. Here's more of his work:
http://www.wttw.com/main.taf?erube_fh=wttw&wt
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mdEFfu7RjS8
http://www.poetrypoetry.com/Features/DavidHernand

SilverTsunami January 6, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Giving people food stamps (which, by the way, hasn't been the name of the program since 2007) DOES help them. It allows them to buy food. It helps stretch those minimum wage paychecks they are getting and gives them a tiny bit of flexibility with their money.

They do not profit from the program. That's the difference.
Soapbox/off.

Isyaignert January 9, 2012 at 1:35 am

Every $1.00 in food stamps spent generates $1.84 in economic activity. Pretty good return on investment, plus people get fed!

JustPixelz January 6, 2012 at 1:21 pm

From Newt's gravity-altering girth, I assume he's more concerned about how food stamps affect competition for food.

GOPCrusher January 6, 2012 at 3:10 pm

Still fills me with unbridled rage to hear these assbags insist that poor people choose to be poor.

freakishlywrong January 6, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Any time this goiter opens his pie hole, every dog in a ten mile radius looks up and asks; "Did you hear that"?

SorosBot January 6, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Someone needs to tell Newt about the working poor; there are many people who get both paychecks and food stamps, because those paychecks are way too small.

BaldarTFlagass January 6, 2012 at 12:40 pm

I think Walmart even encourages their employees to seek out and take advantage of the government largesse, to help keep down their labor costs.

SorosBot January 6, 2012 at 12:45 pm

Well how will Wal-Mart keep those record profits if they actually paid living wages or offered benefits? What I'm saying is fuck Wal-Mart.

ThundercatHo January 6, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Here, here! Yes, fuck Wal-Mart with something large, spiky, red-hot, poisonous and explosive.

widestanceshakedown January 6, 2012 at 1:36 pm

and dry and sideways with malice of forethought also too

nonbeliever7 January 6, 2012 at 3:11 pm

I personally boycott Walmart (and Exxon-Mobil) but I don't think they noticed yet….

GOPCrusher January 6, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Those people just need to get more jerbs. You can't make any money sleeping.

GuanoFaucet January 6, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Too further clarify, Newt responded:

"I have a good relationship with the blacks."

nounverb911 January 6, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Kevin or Conrad?

SorosBot January 6, 2012 at 12:46 pm

Rebecca. It is Friday, after all.

MissTaken January 6, 2012 at 1:14 pm

Aahh! Now that song is in my head. It hurts.

SorosBot January 6, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Well it somehow got stuck in mine and I had to share.

flamingpdog January 6, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Shirley Temple.

FlownOver January 6, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Certainly not Hugo.

Barrelhse January 6, 2012 at 12:59 pm

Not unlike Founding Father Thos.Jefferson.

GunToting[Redacted] January 6, 2012 at 12:59 pm

Not Lewis Black. I think he would kick Gingrich into next month.

Loaded_Pants January 6, 2012 at 4:34 pm

While yelling at him. What a pleasant image.

johnnymeatworth January 6, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Don't give Newt food stamps, he might try to eat them….

BaldarTFlagass January 6, 2012 at 12:41 pm

"Ugh, these taste like shit. How do people survive on these? I guess "those people" have different tastebuds than "normal people"."

Swampgas_Man January 6, 2012 at 5:33 pm

Better than his eating black people. Or Blah people — they taste terrible.

SexySmurf January 6, 2012 at 12:38 pm

I say we compromise and start paying black people in buckets of chicken.

LesBontemps January 6, 2012 at 1:40 pm

And watermelons!

GOPCrusher January 6, 2012 at 3:13 pm

I hate myself. I LoL'd.

Baconzgood January 6, 2012 at 12:39 pm

I HAZ TEH CONFUZEDZ!

I thought Newt was against giving out money to poor people.

GOPCrusher January 6, 2012 at 3:14 pm

What? Wait? You mean you can trade in your paycheck for money?

Serolf_Divad January 6, 2012 at 12:39 pm

I'd be happy to go to Newt's office and explain to him why he shouldn't be happy to just collect money from corporations who pay him for access to politicians he knew when he was in congress, and should instead strive for a real job.

raygotaway January 6, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Will these groups being paying Newt the Bloated Tiffany Troll in money, or will he be eating one of their children–saving them from cleaning toilets in their school?

MaxNeanderthal January 6, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Can anyone else hear the opening of Beethoven's 5th?
Lah-lah-lah, LAHHH.
Blah-blah-blah, BLAHHH.
Wah-wha-what the fuck is he on….?

Generation[redacted] January 6, 2012 at 12:41 pm

As long as white people get their food stamps, okay. We're not talking about white people here.

gullywompr January 6, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Otis! My man!

meatlofer January 6, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Newt. Goat. Goat. Newt. Newt . Goat. Goat. Newt.

Bonghits4Jesus January 7, 2012 at 1:51 am

Needz more Goatse

flamingpdog January 6, 2012 at 12:42 pm

In other words, Newt Gingrich is available for speaking engagements…

This douch-nozzle needz fewer speaking engagements and more spanking engagements. With a 2 x 4. With the pointy end of a nail sticking out.

memzilla January 6, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Dipped in santorum.

{PS to Rick S.: it's never a good thing when your name is used most without the capital S.]

emmelemm January 6, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Rusty nail, plz.

And no, that's not a euphemism; I want him to get tetanus.

memzilla January 6, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Newt is running an excellent campaign… if, by "campaign," you mean the 1856 mayoral election in Charleston, South Carolina.

Hey Newt: Jeff Davis called, he said to tone down the racism. It's making the blahs all fidgety on the auction block.

Mojopo January 6, 2012 at 12:44 pm

That's Hispanic to you, you blubbering jar of queso blanco. Please, by all means, make the Hispanic community irate. They freaking love it when you marginalize them and diminish their accomplishments. Keep on keeping on.

MaxNeanderthal January 6, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Yeah, I mean what have the Hispanics ever done for us?
"Well, there's the catering trade, Reg."
"And the agricultural industry"
"And the army"
"How about the police?"
"And the road building…"
"Well of course there's the bloody roads, the roads go without saying, don't they"

etc.etc. -you get the picture..

SexySmurf January 6, 2012 at 12:44 pm

What's with all the goat references today? Did Mickey Kaus buy Wonkette or something?

SayItWithWookies January 6, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Newt will be happy to meet with any of you minorities — just give him a moment to change out of his Air Jordans.

Bonzos_Bed_Time January 6, 2012 at 12:44 pm

I have lots of black (and Latino) friends.

Slim_Pickins January 6, 2012 at 12:44 pm

The Newtwit doesn't talk to people, he lectures them.

Bluestatelibel January 6, 2012 at 12:45 pm

Hey dimwit, if your Republican Party and cronies on Wall Street hadn't DEMOLISHED the entire U.S. economy no one would need foodstamps, shit-for-brains. (Also: that looks an awful lot like Jerry Sandusky on the right in that photo. Ewww.)

SorosBot January 6, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Haven't you heard? The recession caused by Wall Street and the banks is totally not their fault; the government forced them to make all those bad loans even though that never happened. Because The Free Market can never fail.

Generation[redacted] January 6, 2012 at 12:56 pm

Poor people caused the crash, because the stoopid libruls let minorities buy houses. Rich white people are the victims here.

(Also: how old is that goat? And did the goat-herder report hearing rhythmic slapping sounds coming from the shower?)

BaldarTFlagass January 6, 2012 at 1:03 pm

"that looks an awful lot like Jerry Sandusky on the right in that photo.'

Well, Jerry does like "kids".

LesBontemps January 6, 2012 at 1:55 pm

A good goat will do that, you know.

OneYieldRegular January 6, 2012 at 12:45 pm

Racism – it's the new bl-…blah.

north_of_moscow January 6, 2012 at 12:46 pm

Fuh you.

BaldarTFlagass January 6, 2012 at 12:57 pm

My god, why didn't I think of that!?!

neiltheblaze January 6, 2012 at 12:46 pm

Yep, that Newt sure is professorial and intellectual!

Allmighty_Manos January 6, 2012 at 12:47 pm

Think Newt is going to WV anytime soon to tell the 17 percent of state residents on food stamps his brilliant approach to getting jobs? I'm guessing no.

emmelemm January 6, 2012 at 4:13 pm

Only 17%? Sounds low.

user-of-owls January 6, 2012 at 12:47 pm

Tomorrow's Drudge:

Black People Demand Paychecks!!

EatsBabyDingos January 6, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Newt blows goats. Goats unimpressed. I have proof.

Terry January 6, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Newt seems real comfortable around that goat. The fundies should be freaking out and checking him for pentagram tattoos.

johnnyzhivago January 6, 2012 at 12:51 pm

So poor whites should just stay on food stamps???

iburl January 6, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Poor whites do not exist in Newt's subdivision.

An_Outhouse January 6, 2012 at 12:52 pm

As a member of Pig Fuckers of America, we're really looking forward to having Newt talk to us about pay checks. I could use one.

Barrelhse January 6, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Maybe you guys should go on Youtube.

Indiepalin January 6, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Newt is convinced that comments like this will win him the darkie vote.

prommie January 6, 2012 at 1:31 pm

He's done the math, the darkie-hating vote is bigger than the darkie vote.

Jerri January 6, 2012 at 12:55 pm

But how will they get their Cadillacs then, Newt? It's like he doesn't even think these things through.

Lionel[redacted]Esq January 6, 2012 at 12:55 pm

Thank God white people don't get food stamps or any other government assistance. Well, except for the corporations.

And are Latinos really a problems. After all, under the next Republican administration, aren't we just going to deport the lot?

Mojopo January 6, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Yes. I love that the Republicans want to break apart families, because we ALL know how much Hispanics hate family. They will not resent the GOP at all.

Lionel[redacted]Esq January 6, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Am I to assume that all of the Republican Candidates are getting their pictures taken with goats to just piss off Rick Santorum?

Limeylizzie January 6, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Calista needs to get waxed.

nonbeliever7 January 6, 2012 at 3:16 pm

That's just plain mean…event though there is an angular facial resemblence.

Loaded_Pants January 6, 2012 at 5:47 pm

You mean she hasn't already been waxed?

Callyson January 6, 2012 at 1:00 pm

"…I’d be happy to talk to any Latino group or any other group that was interested in talking about having paychecks rather than food stamps,” Gingrich said.
So he'll be appearing at the next employee meeting at Wal – Mart then?

x111e7thst January 6, 2012 at 1:01 pm

Hey he is just calling a spade a shiftless ni**er.

prommie January 6, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Or a lazy Mexican! Your mileage may vary.

Goonemeritus January 6, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Newt is considered to be an intellectual in the Republican Party and by Texan standards I’m thin.

imissopus January 6, 2012 at 1:10 pm

By Texan standards, so is Newt.

Chillwaver January 6, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Nevermind the fact that census data shows that the majority of Food Stamp recipients are White. But hey, never let facts get in the way of your bullshit, Newt!

mrblifil January 6, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Maybe while he's visiting the NAACP he could amplify his thoughts on grade-schoolers working as assistant sanitation staff. For instance I would like to know how he proposes protecting kids from toxic substances, of the kind janitors encounter every working day. I'm sure his proposals will be useful, because it's impossible he would want anything bad to happen to innocent children.

freakishlywrong January 6, 2012 at 1:13 pm

That WOULD be fun! Even funner? Have him amplify his thoughts sans security in an "poor" neighborhood.

RedneckMuslin January 6, 2012 at 1:06 pm

Newt's not prejudice.He hates ALL minorities.

Chet Kincaid January 6, 2012 at 1:06 pm

The HBO movie of the 2012 Republican Primaries will be titled "The Human Centipede: Full Sequence".

prommie January 6, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Billy Goats Gruff are the favorite food of bridge trolls. Newt is going to eat that goat later.

Good old Newtie followed the Santorum trail, but now that Santorum has backtracked, Newt has to backtrack, too. Its like "racist see, racist do."

cheetojeebus January 6, 2012 at 1:10 pm

I'll be brief.

A masturbating chimp is more productive than this rancid butter lump.

DerrickWildcat January 6, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Hahahaha, he is petting his pet goat.

BaldarTFlagass January 6, 2012 at 1:11 pm

"I’d be happy to talk to any Latino group or any other group that was interested in talking about having paychecks rather than food stamps,”

It would be a short talk. "You want a paycheck? Go get a fucking job, you lazy fucking slackers."

Chichikovovich January 6, 2012 at 1:34 pm

And he'd shout it four times as loudly as he usually speaks, so they could understand him.

BaldarTFlagass January 6, 2012 at 1:44 pm

And slowly, of course.

RavenRant January 6, 2012 at 2:13 pm

I had a white landlady who would 'communicate' with brown-skinned workmen, (whether they were actually Hispanic or not), by shouting at the top of her lungs in a bad accent reminiscent of old Speedy Gonzales cartoons.

The expressions on said workmen's faces were something to behold.

Chichikovovich January 6, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Ah, yes. Affecting the accent (badly) of the person you are speaking to, to facilitate communication. An identifying warble of the clueless across six continents. When I was an undergrad in Toronto, I lived in a boarding house with a unilingual, pretty dumb Anglo, and a manual laborer from Belgrade on a work visa. Whenever the Anglo would talk to the Serbian guy (whose English was pretty decent) he would talk at a painfully slow rate, and affect a horrible generic Slavic accent that made him sound like Boris Badonov. "Keel Moose!" He continued to do this even after the worker asked him several times to knock it off. The worker was careful about his visa status, so he never just slugged him, but you could tell he was itching to. The look of contempt on his face was like a precious jewel.

Another good one requires a bit more sophistication. People who don't speak the language in question, but know a few words here and there, will stick in those words to "be helpful"/show off and pat themselves on the back that they are being worldly and welcoming. ("People love it when you at least try to speak their language.") But the words they know are all tourist-dictionary words that nobody would need translated in the first place.

"When you have polished the tarnished cutlery, I want you to percolate some extra-mild coffee – café – and pour it into the pot with the good silver service, the one on top of the Louis Quatorze armoire. Add just the merest splash of skimmed or 1% milk – leche. Following that task, I won't be requiring your service until tomorrow. Mañana. Adiòs, Maria! Thank you – Gracias! "

RavenRant January 8, 2012 at 11:23 am

My one foolproof expression in Spanish: "Debo practicar mi espanol mucho mas."

Oh, and "Mucho trabajo, poco dinero."

Rosie_Scenario January 6, 2012 at 1:43 pm

You forgot "first take a bath" which was his advice to Occupy protesters. They were mostly white, but looked like hippies, so they don't really count.

Smitros January 6, 2012 at 1:11 pm

I think that is Izak the goat, as also seen on the front of today's Washington Post.

BarackMyWorld January 6, 2012 at 1:13 pm

In case any conservatives are reading, I think someone should point out that regardless of who he was talking about, the implication that any group is "satisfied" with food stamps is pretty offensive.

Chichikovovich January 6, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Y'know, now that you've pointed that out to him, I'm sure he feels very abashed.

fartknocker January 6, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Tiffany's does not accept food stamps as a form of payment.

imissopus January 6, 2012 at 1:19 pm

Hey! Us poor Jews might be taking some of those sweet, sweet government handouts. Don't leave us out, Newtster.

Mumbletypeg January 6, 2012 at 1:24 pm

Accompanying photo is adorable. Reminds me of when Newt co-starred as Stay-Puft Man in "Goatbusters."

emmelemm January 6, 2012 at 4:18 pm

More like Goatblowers, amirite?

MissTaken January 6, 2012 at 1:31 pm

I've never seen Callista look more human-like before.

prommie January 6, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Herman Cain is proposing giving poor people "pizza stamps."

BarackMyWorld January 6, 2012 at 1:33 pm

I think this should push back a few "I Don't Understand why African-Americans Mostly Vote for Democrats" conservative diatribes for at least a couple of days.

GOPCrusher January 6, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Food stamps are how Democrats keep blacks on the Democratic Plantation.

FakaktaSouth January 6, 2012 at 1:34 pm

He spoke for 30minutes at a symposium for the company my hubs works for 5+ years ago and got something like 40k for it. (I am jealous of that as a job) But, ALL anyone kept talking about was how ginormously out of proportion with life his head was in person. Nothing abt his speech, just his big old head, and people trying to get pictures of themselves with his giant head. And they love him. Same with W, he came and spoke and took pics, they still love him. That is how serious most R supporters around here are. And why Mitt won't win.

BaldarTFlagass January 6, 2012 at 1:43 pm

"Gigantic head brought to you by the movie Zardoz."

FakaktaSouth January 6, 2012 at 2:00 pm

I went straight down the google rabbit hole with that one…I had NO idea based on the pic that I would end up with Sir Sean Connery. Excellent.

BaldarTFlagass January 6, 2012 at 2:11 pm

That movie was a popular feature at the midnight movies we used to go to all stoned and shit back in the 70s before VCRs destroyed midnight movies. Pretty awful movie, though.

ShaveTheWhales January 7, 2012 at 8:19 pm

Godawful.

GOPCrusher January 6, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Worst. Sean. Connery. Movie. EVAH!

freakishlywrong January 6, 2012 at 1:35 pm

"Let them eat extra crispy".

MissTaken January 6, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Everytime an asshole moans, a goat get his horns.

Chichikovovich January 6, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Fact is, we frostbacks can goof off with the best of them. In fact, I know one Canuck slacker who spends 90% of the time he's supposed to be working posting on some dopey snark board. So how about letting us get a taste of some of that sweet foodstamp action Newt? I've never even had one trip to Hawaii.

owhatever January 6, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Barack Obama responded, "Wait a damned minute! I should be getting paid for doing this president shit?"

Generation[redacted] January 6, 2012 at 1:46 pm

It's never too late for snark. In fact, I don't know that you're all wonketeers. Some of you look redstate-ian to me.

(audience exchanges puzzled looks)

RavenRant January 6, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Thems fightin' words, mister!

WinterOuthouse January 6, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Newt is just worried that teh brown will be able to buy at Tiffany's if they stay on food stamps. After all, ever body knows that teh food stampers drive caddys and live in luxury accomodations with their refrigerators, microwaves, color TVs and cable. Cable! Can you imagine? Fuckin' ingrates

BornInATrailer January 6, 2012 at 2:24 pm

"The blatinos too!"

mavenmaven January 6, 2012 at 2:26 pm

The Asians don't need our food stamps as Romney has sent all our jobs there.

not that Dewey January 6, 2012 at 2:37 pm
salt_bagel January 6, 2012 at 3:06 pm

You know how in the South, they use the term "Coke" for any type of soft drink? If you ask for a Coke, you may be asked, "What kind?"

Well, same thing for "Black".

vacuumslayer January 6, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Oh man, don't you know you can never give food stamps to Black people? They'll just blow it all on food.

GOPCrusher January 6, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Remember the last time Newt was in the public eye and they were debating welfare reform? The argument was that food stamps were being traded for money to buy drugs.

vacuumslayer January 6, 2012 at 3:13 pm

Similarly, you can never give food stamps to white people. They'll just blow it all on Twinkies and Slim Jims.

Loaded_Pants January 6, 2012 at 5:47 pm

Mountain Dew, too.

kissawookiee January 6, 2012 at 3:17 pm

I am waiting for the inevitable Gingrich/Santorum/Romney slipup that will be explained away by the speaker's membership in The Knights Who Say Ni.

MRjonz January 6, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Santorum and Gingrich were making nice, even trading material for a bit, weren’t they? Both were running on about blacks on welfare, war with Iran, and the evils of the Ninth Circuit Court. But it couldn’t last. Newty don’t play like that.

This is kind of like the “Highlander” movies; in the end, “There Can Be Only One.”

Nostrildamus January 6, 2012 at 5:26 pm

"Them injuns, too" he added later.

comrad_darkness January 6, 2012 at 11:39 pm

More workers getting paychecks are going to have to come from your filthy rich pals sucking up somewhat less than 500x the average salary at their companies, you dumb bitch.

Guppy January 7, 2012 at 12:18 am

Newt would be happy to tell any Latino group about his views on African Americans and food stamps.

ttommyunger January 7, 2012 at 8:03 am

Thought bubble over goat's head: "Can you PLEASE, get this cocksucker's clammy hand off of me?"

BaldarTFlagass January 6, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Such impudence never came my way. Early this afternoon I gave you money… while I was having my shoes polished I gave you MORE money… now you put the bite on me again. Do me a favor, will ya? Go occasionally to somebody else – it's beginning to get tiresome.

flamingpdog January 6, 2012 at 1:00 pm

Slightly OT, but Callista is promoting a sequel to her children's book about Ellis the Elephant. Entiltled "Sweet Land of Liberty", this one is about Ellis D., the elephant.

widestanceshakedown January 6, 2012 at 1:42 pm

With that beak of hers (check out Princess Sparkle Pony's lovely photos)? She'd puncture an abdomen before she got so much as a drop of precum to show for it (which is how we know the Gingrichs do not practice oral sex, what with her beak and Newt's gut, how could it happen?).

LesBontemps January 6, 2012 at 1:44 pm

her slimy salamander husband

Snot Otter!

Chet Kincaid January 6, 2012 at 2:06 pm

My dick just fled in terror.

BaldarTFlagass January 6, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Since the new year, I have considered going the Peter Gibbons route in "Office Space," just come into work every day and stone cold not work. I should get a GS-15 slot within a couple months.

Oh hell, I already come into work every day and not work.

elviouslyqueer January 6, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Oh, you're one of those professors I envy so much. *brushes off unfinished dissertation*

Dashboard_Jesus January 7, 2012 at 3:16 am

oh thank gawd someone else is brave enough to admit that…I've been 'not working' at my day job for 10+ years and no one seems to care/ notice…but the checks clear every two weeks so hey I keep showing up, and doing nothing (much)

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