A newt fondles a goat.

While “fastest mind in the West” Rick Santorum managed to invent an entirely new race of humans the blahs in the course of a losing battle with the English language as he backtracked on his comments that he doesn’t want to help black people with public assistance, Newt Gingrich took the opposite tack following his similarly repulsive statement, “I’m prepared if the NAACP invites me, I’ll go to their convention and talk about why the African American community should demand paychecks and not be satisfied with food stamps,” and responded to the general outcry with the clarification that oh yeah, he forgot he meant to include Latinos, too.

From an interview on CBS News:

“Obviously, I’m happy to go and talk to anybody in America. I went on to say I’d be happy to talk to any Latino group or any other group that was interested in talking about having paychecks rather than food stamps,” Gingrich said.

In other words, Newt Gingrich is available for speaking engagements, and that’s really the only paycheck he’s talking about. [CBS]

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  • Barb

    They should invite Newt to speak and pay him in food stamps. He's the same ass clown that said that people are using food stamps to pay for trips to Hawaii.

  • nounverb911

    “Gingrich Is The Stupid Man's Idea Of What A Smart Person Sounds Like.”
    –Paul Krugman

      • rickmaci

        Krugman said that near the end of one of the ABC Sunday a.m. pundit shows that included George Will on the panel. The funniest part was that Will sat with his arms crossed (he and Krugman clearly don't like each other) and didn't even try to defend Gingrich against that comment.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "And of course, the hard-working Asian-Americans don't ever even need food stamps."

    • Texan_Bulldog

      Great minds! (See my post below…)

      • Chichikovovich

        This place. Can't even take a few minutes to do some work without at least two people (and that's just the ones I know of) beating me to the post.

        I assure you I'll never make that mistake again.

        • You've been let go?

          • Chichikovovich

            Naw. I'm just going to work as much as our Republican state legislators claim professors at [Big State U.] work.

            You'll be seeing a lot more of me around here, is the bottom line.

          • BaldarTFlagass

            Since the new year, I have considered going the Peter Gibbons route in "Office Space," just come into work every day and stone cold not work. I should get a GS-15 slot within a couple months.

            Oh hell, I already come into work every day and not work.

          • Dashboard_Jesus

            oh thank gawd someone else is brave enough to admit that…I've been 'not working' at my day job for 10+ years and no one seems to care/ notice…but the checks clear every two weeks so hey I keep showing up, and doing nothing (much)

          • elviouslyqueer

            Oh, you're one of those professors I envy so much. *brushes off unfinished dissertation*

  • OCcupied_Surf_Serf

    Well, poor whites aren't a minority…they are a majority.

    • Loaded_Pants

      No shit. I'd like to take any one of these stupid fucksticks to the sticks where I grew up & show them who's receiving SNAP benefits–many people who would actually vote for these fuckers.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    That's two goats in a row in the header pic. Now I miss my pygmy goat Kevin.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    Good thing Asians are all employed. Whew…they dodged the bullet of Newt coming to gloat over how much better white people are.

  • Newt is willing to pay Czechs but not Latinos or Blahs? WTF????

  • GOPCrusher

    Isn't this going to further alienate the Republiklan Base? When white people demand a paycheck instead of food stamps, its considered "class warfare".

    • "…the African American community should demand paychecks…"

      The unemployed hae been approaching this "get a job" thing all wrong. Reading ads, sending resumés, updating skills. All they need to do is demand a paycheck. Unemployment can be 0%.

      I'll bet Professor Gingrich wonders why Stupid Reagan didn't come up with that policy.

      • Loaded_Pants

        Reagan didn't have cabinets full of "ideas".

    • Swampgas_Man

      As an unemployed White Guy, I'd happily accept a paycheck rather than a job, even.

  • I don't find Newty's remarks odd at all… for a guy who's spent most of his adult life sucking at the public teat and then act as a Wingnut Welfare Queen after being forcibly removed from said teat.

    Newty's view is that only white people, especially white connected people, are allowed to be on welfare.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      That's because they are only "temporarily down on their luck," not "gaming the system."

  • OneDollarJuana

    Gingrich is happy to talk to Latinos, or as Santorum calls them, "Lah" people.

    • Dah, a Dane, a female Dane
      Reh, a person from Russia
      Meh, what everyone thinks of me
      Feh, a Frenchie who always runs
      Blah, a person picking cotton
      Lah, a Latino to follow Blah
      Tea, a fatass on a Rasacal
      That will bring us back to Dah (oh-oh-oh)

      • LesBontemps

        "Meh people" = mehicans.

      • ThundercatHo

        Nice, but I like the beer version better.

    • Isyaignert

      This site has the most hilarious comments evah!!

  • memzilla

    Have these Rethuglicans no clue about the shifting demographics in this country? Psst: we're not getting whiter and richer.

    • hagajim

      Even more important, they have no clue about who the largest users of food stamps are – white rural folk. Maybe Newt and assspooge ought to schedule a meeting with them.

    • SorosBot

      "Have these Rethuglicans no clue?"

      Yes; they have no clue whatsoever.

    • Chichikovovich

      Karl Rove sure does. That's why he got Bush to try to put together an immigration reform package to wrap them up. But then he got one of those "he who rides the tiger cannot dismount" lessons when the entire LumpenRepublican base, that Rove believed he could channel in any direction he wanted, rose up with one voice to howl in blind rage.

    • GOPCrusher

      I thought that was what all of this "We're taking America back!" bullshit was all about.

  • When is one of these assholes going to call out and lecture the "Why" people who receive most of the welfare benefits?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      "Why" would they want to go and do that? Heads would explode like a Scanners filmfest.

    • OCcupied_Surf_Serf

      Chet…if they were to go full circle and look at the whole fucking system and realize that 7th bathroom in house no. 12 just may have a little something to do with some other American kids going to school in leaky trailers, sinkholes opening up in our dilapidated cities, parks closing, on and on, and they just may have a Scrooge awakening, a Come-to-Jesus moment, a return of a sense of shame….

      So why start that terrible cycle?

    • GOPCrusher

      Those are victims of the illegal Messicans that Obama brought over the border to take their jerbs.

  • hagajim

    Have redneck, will travel (so I can buy Calista bling).

  • Barb

    Newt, giving poor people food stamps doesn't help them anymore than going to McDonald's helps the pigeons in the parking lot. Stop trying to make it sound profitable for the poor.

    • I saw a pigeon driving a Lexus, that he bought by gaming the fries in the parking lot!!!!1!!!

      • Barb

        That is hilarious!

    • Also reminds me of a great poem by Chicago poet David Hernandez:

      by David Hernandez

      Pigeons are the spiks of Birdland.
      They are survivors of blood, fire and stone.
      They can’t afford to fly south
      or a Florida winter home.
      Most everybody passing up a pigeon pack
      tries to break it up because they move funny
      and seem to be dancing like young street thugs
      with an 18-foot, 10-speaker Sanyo book box radio
      on a 2-foot red shoulder strap.
      Pigeons have feathers of a different color.
      They are too bright to be dull
      and too dull to be bright
      so they are not accepted anywhere.

      Nobody wants to give pigeons a job.
      Parakeets, canaries and parrots
      have the market sown up as far as that goes.
      They live in fancy cages, get 3 meals a day
      for a song and dance routine.
      When was the last time you saw a pigeon

      in someone’s home?
      Unless they bleached their feathers white
      and try to pass off as doves,
      you will never see pet pigeons.
      Besides, their accents give them away
      when they start cooing.

      Once in a while, some creatures will treat them decent.
      They are known as pigeon ladies, renegades,
      or bleeding-heart Liberals.
      What they do is build these wooden cages
      on rooftops that look like huge
      pigeon housing projects
      where they freeze during the winters
      and get their little claws stuck in tar
      on hot summer days
      No wonder they are pigeon-toed.
      I tell you,
      Pigeons are the spiks of Birdland. [1991]

    • SilverTsunami

      Giving people food stamps (which, by the way, hasn't been the name of the program since 2007) DOES help them. It allows them to buy food. It helps stretch those minimum wage paychecks they are getting and gives them a tiny bit of flexibility with their money.

      They do not profit from the program. That's the difference.

      • Isyaignert

        Every $1.00 in food stamps spent generates $1.84 in economic activity. Pretty good return on investment, plus people get fed!

    • From Newt's gravity-altering girth, I assume he's more concerned about how food stamps affect competition for food.

    • GOPCrusher

      Still fills me with unbridled rage to hear these assbags insist that poor people choose to be poor.

  • freakishlywrong

    Any time this goiter opens his pie hole, every dog in a ten mile radius looks up and asks; "Did you hear that"?

  • SorosBot

    Someone needs to tell Newt about the working poor; there are many people who get both paychecks and food stamps, because those paychecks are way too small.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I think Walmart even encourages their employees to seek out and take advantage of the government largesse, to help keep down their labor costs.

      • SorosBot

        Well how will Wal-Mart keep those record profits if they actually paid living wages or offered benefits? What I'm saying is fuck Wal-Mart.

        • ThundercatHo

          Here, here! Yes, fuck Wal-Mart with something large, spiky, red-hot, poisonous and explosive.

          • widestanceshakedown

            and dry and sideways with malice of forethought also too

          • nonbeliever7

            I personally boycott Walmart (and Exxon-Mobil) but I don't think they noticed yet….

    • GOPCrusher

      Those people just need to get more jerbs. You can't make any money sleeping.

  • GuanoFaucet

    Too further clarify, Newt responded:

    "I have a good relationship with the blacks."

    • nounverb911

      Kevin or Conrad?

      • SorosBot

        Rebecca. It is Friday, after all.

        • MissTaken

          Aahh! Now that song is in my head. It hurts.

          • SorosBot

            Well it somehow got stuck in mine and I had to share.

      • flamingpdog

        Shirley Temple.

      • Certainly not Hugo.

    • Barrelhse

      Not unlike Founding Father Thos.Jefferson.

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      Not Lewis Black. I think he would kick Gingrich into next month.

      • Loaded_Pants

        While yelling at him. What a pleasant image.

  • johnnymeatworth

    Don't give Newt food stamps, he might try to eat them….

    • BaldarTFlagass

      "Ugh, these taste like shit. How do people survive on these? I guess "those people" have different tastebuds than "normal people"."

    • Swampgas_Man

      Better than his eating black people. Or Blah people — they taste terrible.

  • SexySmurf

    I say we compromise and start paying black people in buckets of chicken.

    • LesBontemps

      And watermelons!

    • GOPCrusher

      I hate myself. I LoL'd.

  • Baconzgood


    I thought Newt was against giving out money to poor people.

    • GOPCrusher

      What? Wait? You mean you can trade in your paycheck for money?

  • Serolf_Divad

    I'd be happy to go to Newt's office and explain to him why he shouldn't be happy to just collect money from corporations who pay him for access to politicians he knew when he was in congress, and should instead strive for a real job.

  • raygotaway

    Will these groups being paying Newt the Bloated Tiffany Troll in money, or will he be eating one of their children–saving them from cleaning toilets in their school?

  • MaxNeanderthal

    Can anyone else hear the opening of Beethoven's 5th?
    Lah-lah-lah, LAHHH.
    Blah-blah-blah, BLAHHH.
    Wah-wha-what the fuck is he on….?

  • Generation[redacted]

    As long as white people get their food stamps, okay. We're not talking about white people here.

  • gullywompr

    Otis! My man!

  • meatlofer

    Newt. Goat. Goat. Newt. Newt . Goat. Goat. Newt.

    • Bonghits4Jesus

      Needz more Goatse

  • flamingpdog

    In other words, Newt Gingrich is available for speaking engagements…

    This douch-nozzle needz fewer speaking engagements and more spanking engagements. With a 2 x 4. With the pointy end of a nail sticking out.

    • memzilla

      Dipped in santorum.

      {PS to Rick S.: it's never a good thing when your name is used most without the capital S.]

    • emmelemm

      Rusty nail, plz.

      And no, that's not a euphemism; I want him to get tetanus.

  • memzilla

    Newt is running an excellent campaign… if, by "campaign," you mean the 1856 mayoral election in Charleston, South Carolina.

    Hey Newt: Jeff Davis called, he said to tone down the racism. It's making the blahs all fidgety on the auction block.

  • Mojopo

    That's Hispanic to you, you blubbering jar of queso blanco. Please, by all means, make the Hispanic community irate. They freaking love it when you marginalize them and diminish their accomplishments. Keep on keeping on.

    • MaxNeanderthal

      Yeah, I mean what have the Hispanics ever done for us?
      "Well, there's the catering trade, Reg."
      "And the agricultural industry"
      "And the army"
      "How about the police?"
      "And the road building…"
      "Well of course there's the bloody roads, the roads go without saying, don't they"

      etc.etc. -you get the picture..

  • SexySmurf

    What's with all the goat references today? Did Mickey Kaus buy Wonkette or something?

  • SayItWithWookies

    Newt will be happy to meet with any of you minorities — just give him a moment to change out of his Air Jordans.

  • Bonzos_Bed_Time

    I have lots of black (and Latino) friends.

  • Slim_Pickins

    The Newtwit doesn't talk to people, he lectures them.

  • Bluestatelibel

    Hey dimwit, if your Republican Party and cronies on Wall Street hadn't DEMOLISHED the entire U.S. economy no one would need foodstamps, shit-for-brains. (Also: that looks an awful lot like Jerry Sandusky on the right in that photo. Ewww.)

    • SorosBot

      Haven't you heard? The recession caused by Wall Street and the banks is totally not their fault; the government forced them to make all those bad loans even though that never happened. Because The Free Market can never fail.

    • Generation[redacted]

      Poor people caused the crash, because the stoopid libruls let minorities buy houses. Rich white people are the victims here.

      (Also: how old is that goat? And did the goat-herder report hearing rhythmic slapping sounds coming from the shower?)

    • BaldarTFlagass

      "that looks an awful lot like Jerry Sandusky on the right in that photo.'

      Well, Jerry does like "kids".

    • LesBontemps

      A good goat will do that, you know.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Racism – it's the new bl-…blah.

  • north_of_moscow

    Fuh you.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      My god, why didn't I think of that!?!

  • neiltheblaze

    Yep, that Newt sure is professorial and intellectual!

  • Allmighty_Manos

    Think Newt is going to WV anytime soon to tell the 17 percent of state residents on food stamps his brilliant approach to getting jobs? I'm guessing no.

    • emmelemm

      Only 17%? Sounds low.

  • user-of-owls

    Tomorrow's Drudge:

    Black People Demand Paychecks!!

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Newt blows goats. Goats unimpressed. I have proof.

  • Terry

    Newt seems real comfortable around that goat. The fundies should be freaking out and checking him for pentagram tattoos.

  • So poor whites should just stay on food stamps???

    • iburl

      Poor whites do not exist in Newt's subdivision.

  • An_Outhouse

    As a member of Pig Fuckers of America, we're really looking forward to having Newt talk to us about pay checks. I could use one.

    • Barrelhse

      Maybe you guys should go on Youtube.

  • Indiepalin

    Newt is convinced that comments like this will win him the darkie vote.

    • prommie

      He's done the math, the darkie-hating vote is bigger than the darkie vote.

  • Jerri

    But how will they get their Cadillacs then, Newt? It's like he doesn't even think these things through.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Thank God white people don't get food stamps or any other government assistance. Well, except for the corporations.

    And are Latinos really a problems. After all, under the next Republican administration, aren't we just going to deport the lot?

    • Mojopo

      Yes. I love that the Republicans want to break apart families, because we ALL know how much Hispanics hate family. They will not resent the GOP at all.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Am I to assume that all of the Republican Candidates are getting their pictures taken with goats to just piss off Rick Santorum?

  • Limeylizzie

    Calista needs to get waxed.

    • nonbeliever7

      That's just plain mean…event though there is an angular facial resemblence.

    • Loaded_Pants

      You mean she hasn't already been waxed?

  • Callyson

    "…I’d be happy to talk to any Latino group or any other group that was interested in talking about having paychecks rather than food stamps,” Gingrich said.
    So he'll be appearing at the next employee meeting at Wal – Mart then?

  • x111e7thst

    Hey he is just calling a spade a shiftless ni**er.

    • prommie

      Or a lazy Mexican! Your mileage may vary.

  • Goonemeritus

    Newt is considered to be an intellectual in the Republican Party and by Texan standards I’m thin.

  • Nevermind the fact that census data shows that the majority of Food Stamp recipients are White. But hey, never let facts get in the way of your bullshit, Newt!

  • Maybe while he's visiting the NAACP he could amplify his thoughts on grade-schoolers working as assistant sanitation staff. For instance I would like to know how he proposes protecting kids from toxic substances, of the kind janitors encounter every working day. I'm sure his proposals will be useful, because it's impossible he would want anything bad to happen to innocent children.

    • freakishlywrong

      That WOULD be fun! Even funner? Have him amplify his thoughts sans security in an "poor" neighborhood.

  • RedneckMuslin

    Newt's not prejudice.He hates ALL minorities.

  • The HBO movie of the 2012 Republican Primaries will be titled "The Human Centipede: Full Sequence".

  • prommie

    Billy Goats Gruff are the favorite food of bridge trolls. Newt is going to eat that goat later.

    Good old Newtie followed the Santorum trail, but now that Santorum has backtracked, Newt has to backtrack, too. Its like "racist see, racist do."

  • cheetojeebus

    I'll be brief.

    A masturbating chimp is more productive than this rancid butter lump.

  • Hahahaha, he is petting his pet goat.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "I’d be happy to talk to any Latino group or any other group that was interested in talking about having paychecks rather than food stamps,”

    It would be a short talk. "You want a paycheck? Go get a fucking job, you lazy fucking slackers."

    • Chichikovovich

      And he'd shout it four times as loudly as he usually speaks, so they could understand him.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        And slowly, of course.

      • RavenRant

        I had a white landlady who would 'communicate' with brown-skinned workmen, (whether they were actually Hispanic or not), by shouting at the top of her lungs in a bad accent reminiscent of old Speedy Gonzales cartoons.

        The expressions on said workmen's faces were something to behold.

        • Chichikovovich

          Ah, yes. Affecting the accent (badly) of the person you are speaking to, to facilitate communication. An identifying warble of the clueless across six continents. When I was an undergrad in Toronto, I lived in a boarding house with a unilingual, pretty dumb Anglo, and a manual laborer from Belgrade on a work visa. Whenever the Anglo would talk to the Serbian guy (whose English was pretty decent) he would talk at a painfully slow rate, and affect a horrible generic Slavic accent that made him sound like Boris Badonov. "Keel Moose!" He continued to do this even after the worker asked him several times to knock it off. The worker was careful about his visa status, so he never just slugged him, but you could tell he was itching to. The look of contempt on his face was like a precious jewel.

          Another good one requires a bit more sophistication. People who don't speak the language in question, but know a few words here and there, will stick in those words to "be helpful"/show off and pat themselves on the back that they are being worldly and welcoming. ("People love it when you at least try to speak their language.") But the words they know are all tourist-dictionary words that nobody would need translated in the first place.

          "When you have polished the tarnished cutlery, I want you to percolate some extra-mild coffee – café – and pour it into the pot with the good silver service, the one on top of the Louis Quatorze armoire. Add just the merest splash of skimmed or 1% milk – leche. Following that task, I won't be requiring your service until tomorrow. Mañana. Adiòs, Maria! Thank you – Gracias! "

          • RavenRant

            My one foolproof expression in Spanish: "Debo practicar mi espanol mucho mas."

            Oh, and "Mucho trabajo, poco dinero."

    • Rosie_Scenario

      You forgot "first take a bath" which was his advice to Occupy protesters. They were mostly white, but looked like hippies, so they don't really count.

  • I think that is Izak the goat, as also seen on the front of today's Washington Post.

  • BarackMyWorld

    In case any conservatives are reading, I think someone should point out that regardless of who he was talking about, the implication that any group is "satisfied" with food stamps is pretty offensive.

    • Chichikovovich

      Y'know, now that you've pointed that out to him, I'm sure he feels very abashed.

  • fartknocker

    Tiffany's does not accept food stamps as a form of payment.

  • Hey! Us poor Jews might be taking some of those sweet, sweet government handouts. Don't leave us out, Newtster.

  • Accompanying photo is adorable. Reminds me of when Newt co-starred as Stay-Puft Man in "Goatbusters."

    • emmelemm

      More like Goatblowers, amirite?

  • MissTaken

    I've never seen Callista look more human-like before.

  • prommie

    Herman Cain is proposing giving poor people "pizza stamps."

  • BarackMyWorld

    I think this should push back a few "I Don't Understand why African-Americans Mostly Vote for Democrats" conservative diatribes for at least a couple of days.

    • GOPCrusher

      Food stamps are how Democrats keep blacks on the Democratic Plantation.

  • FakaktaSouth

    He spoke for 30minutes at a symposium for the company my hubs works for 5+ years ago and got something like 40k for it. (I am jealous of that as a job) But, ALL anyone kept talking about was how ginormously out of proportion with life his head was in person. Nothing abt his speech, just his big old head, and people trying to get pictures of themselves with his giant head. And they love him. Same with W, he came and spoke and took pics, they still love him. That is how serious most R supporters around here are. And why Mitt won't win.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      "Gigantic head brought to you by the movie Zardoz."

      • FakaktaSouth

        I went straight down the google rabbit hole with that one…I had NO idea based on the pic that I would end up with Sir Sean Connery. Excellent.

        • BaldarTFlagass

          That movie was a popular feature at the midnight movies we used to go to all stoned and shit back in the 70s before VCRs destroyed midnight movies. Pretty awful movie, though.

          • ShaveTheWhales


      • GOPCrusher

        Worst. Sean. Connery. Movie. EVAH!

  • freakishlywrong

    "Let them eat extra crispy".

  • MissTaken

    Everytime an asshole moans, a goat get his horns.

  • Chichikovovich

    Fact is, we frostbacks can goof off with the best of them. In fact, I know one Canuck slacker who spends 90% of the time he's supposed to be working posting on some dopey snark board. So how about letting us get a taste of some of that sweet foodstamp action Newt? I've never even had one trip to Hawaii.

  • owhatever

    Barack Obama responded, "Wait a damned minute! I should be getting paid for doing this president shit?"

  • Generation[redacted]

    It's never too late for snark. In fact, I don't know that you're all wonketeers. Some of you look redstate-ian to me.

    (audience exchanges puzzled looks)

    • RavenRant

      Thems fightin' words, mister!

  • WinterOuthouse

    Newt is just worried that teh brown will be able to buy at Tiffany's if they stay on food stamps. After all, ever body knows that teh food stampers drive caddys and live in luxury accomodations with their refrigerators, microwaves, color TVs and cable. Cable! Can you imagine? Fuckin' ingrates

  • BornInATrailer

    "The blatinos too!"

  • mavenmaven

    The Asians don't need our food stamps as Romney has sent all our jobs there.

  • not that Dewey
  • salt_bagel

    You know how in the South, they use the term "Coke" for any type of soft drink? If you ask for a Coke, you may be asked, "What kind?"

    Well, same thing for "Black".

  • Oh man, don't you know you can never give food stamps to Black people? They'll just blow it all on food.

    • GOPCrusher

      Remember the last time Newt was in the public eye and they were debating welfare reform? The argument was that food stamps were being traded for money to buy drugs.

  • Similarly, you can never give food stamps to white people. They'll just blow it all on Twinkies and Slim Jims.

    • Loaded_Pants

      Mountain Dew, too.

  • kissawookiee

    I am waiting for the inevitable Gingrich/Santorum/Romney slipup that will be explained away by the speaker's membership in The Knights Who Say Ni.

  • MRjonz

    Santorum and Gingrich were making nice, even trading material for a bit, weren’t they? Both were running on about blacks on welfare, war with Iran, and the evils of the Ninth Circuit Court. But it couldn’t last. Newty don’t play like that.

    This is kind of like the “Highlander” movies; in the end, “There Can Be Only One.”

  • Nostrildamus

    "Them injuns, too" he added later.

  • comrad_darkness

    More workers getting paychecks are going to have to come from your filthy rich pals sucking up somewhat less than 500x the average salary at their companies, you dumb bitch.

  • Guppy

    Newt would be happy to tell any Latino group about his views on African Americans and food stamps.

  • ttommyunger

    Thought bubble over goat's head: "Can you PLEASE, get this cocksucker's clammy hand off of me?"

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