BREAKING: Santorum Said Something Stupid

  gifzette daily briefing

LOOK AT THOSE EYEBROWSNEW YORK—Boy what a feeling it is to wake up and read every newspaper and blog post and tweet in the English speaking world and discover that apparently the only thing newsworthy that happened anywhere in the world yesterday could pretty effectively be summed up by the headline “Santorum Said Something Stupid.” And then to realize that this basically means we’re living in 2006 all over again! (Or is it not again so much as still? Hard to say.) And then to realize that no, sorry, we didn’t sign up for this, please stop the internet bus, we’d like to get off now thanks.

But we are where we are. But at least he’s making it fun, right? Because thank you, Rick Santorum, you’ve just said the single stupidest thing to come out of a politician’s mouth since Jon Kyl’s storied “not intended to be a factual statement.” At a campaign stop in Iowa on Sunday, you may recall, Santorum said “I don’t want to make black people’s lives better by giving them somebody else’s money.” Which is nothing if not an appallingly stupid thing to say. And people have been letting him know this! So as a defensive maneuver, Santorum took to CNN yesterday to defend himself: he didn’t say black people, he said blah people! [ed.note: right now we're doing that thing we do where we just blink a lot real quick-like at our laptop in stunned disbelief.] Blah people. Blah people! BLAH PEOPLE.

But the last word should go to Digby here, who nailed it:

In any case, his whole thesis about Medicaid making people dependent so they’ll vote for Democrats is offensive whether he was referring to blacks, Blues, Blands or Blahs.

(something something this has been another edition of What Digby Said)

Anyway, Santorum got roughed up real good yesterday at New England College in New Hampshire. After being questioned on his opposition to gay marriage he shot back with his standard issue defense of “if gays can marry gays just to make themselves happy then straights can marry as many other straights as they want just to be happy,” becuase one plus one equals three, or something like that. He was roundly booed by all the marriage-hating young co-eds.

And in other Santorum news, there’s apparently nobody on the internet right now who isn’t talking about the fact that Mitt Romney maybe didn’t win Iowa. As if this matters at all, why are we still talking about Iowa, let’s move on now please.

And moving on we are, since it’s time to add another contradictory epithet to the list of Terrible Things About Barack Obama. Since it wasn’t enough that he be a radical America-hating Christian at the same time that he’s a radical America-hating Islamist, he is now, in addition to being a Soviet-style czar-appointing socialist, also a crony capitalist! A crony capitalist. Because he, you know, appointed a guy who’s going to make sure poor people don’t get screwed by payday loans.

So we’re well familiar with the feeling of completely losing one’s mind in the run up to a major Republican nominating contest (Tuesday was only three days ago, mind you), but New Hampshire is really taking things to the next level here. After it was reported that (heh?) any new legislation in the state of New Hampshire must find its origin in the Magna Carta of all places, news is out today that the state is now effectively ending compulsory education. Schoolchildren across the state will soon believe the Earth is only 5,772 years old.

Oh so maybe keep an eye on the Strait of Hormuz? Things have been heating up there all week (and oil futures have been see-sawing as a result), but now things are about to get even realer.

[READ MORE AT THE GIFZETTE.]

Related

 
Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

251 comments

  1. Texan_Bulldog

    Umm….did Queer Eye for the Straight Guy give Rick a makeover in that picture? He actually looks do-able (from a woman's perspective).

    1. vulpes82

      That's because it's not Rick Santorum in the picture. It's that actor guy. You know, the one with the eyebrows. (I can't think of his name.) Now THAT'S a makeover!

      1. Texan_Bulldog

        I know–I just can't figure out why that picture is being used when there are so many awesome sweater vest pics of Ricky available. (It's early & the hangover hasn't worn off yet.)

    1. chicken_thief

      I have one, too! We play basketball and shit. He's great at parties 'cause, man, he is one dancing mo-fo.

    2. Tundra Grifter

      NTB:

      Actually, some of my best friends are Blahs.

      I just wouldn't want my sister to marry one.

  2. Allmighty_Manos

    BREAKING: [Insert name of GOP candidate, office holder, National Review/Weekly Standard Blogger, AM Radio/Fox News Host here] Said Something Stupid

        1. Guppy

          This brings up an interesting question: would Santorum support using federal Medicaid funds to cure blahness?

  3. memzilla

    "…[Santorum] shot back with the standard-issue defense…"

    If your Santorum is shooting back, you've got to lay off the breakfast burritos.

  4. BaldarTFlagass

    ♫ And the band played on… ♫

    (in super deep basso profundo Barry White-esque voice)

  5. Goonemeritus

    Please won’t you give to the Blah people’s college fund even a blah mind is a terrible thing to waste!

    1. cheaphits

      All of the blah people I know are conservative republicans…they don't lack the money to go to college, just the brains to get in anywhere but places like Orel Roberts, Bob Jones university and trailer rental and U. of Phoenix..

    1. anniegetyerfun

      Is anyone going to come up with a Santorum-inspired cocktail for the season.

      Heh. Cock. Tail.

        1. Chichikovovich

          Is this going to be some kind of practical joke, where I get all excited and then when I open them they turn out to be naked pictures of Santorum?

    1. deanbooth

      At certain moments of lucidity, the mechanical aspects of Santorum's gestures, his meaningless pantomime makes silly everything that surrounds him. He secretes the inhuman.

  6. Goonemeritus

    "Schoolchildren across the state will soon believe the Earth is only 5,772 years old."

    Well when you count the begat’s in the Bible it’s hard to come up with a much bigger number unless people had children much latter in life than we do now. I think we can all agree that just doesn’t seem scientific.

  7. Barb

    Wow, nice headline to awaken to:
    Rick Santorum-Linked Universal Health Services Facility: Fraud, Assault And Alleged 'Exorcism' Wonder if there is split pea soup in santorum? Yeah, split pea and hamster soup!

    1. Chichikovovich

      Ah, this was what I was waiting for. Republican power-broker central is opening up it's files of damaging stuff to get the latest not-Romney out of the way before he does damage to some Republican other than himself. Just as they did with all the other not-Romneys these past months.

      It's a chilling story, I must say. Who would have thought that Rick Santorum would be involved with a hospital where an autistic child would be treated with "exorcism" to cast out the autism demons?

      But that is what appeared to be happening in an empty room at Marion in May 2007, according to a facility teacher who passed by the room, which was occupied by at least one nurse, a supervisor, a janitor and a boy with autism. Several in the room appeared to be hovering over the boy and praying, according to the teacher, who recounted the incident shortly after to Barbara Jones, the center's director of education at the time.

      The severity of the boy's autism left him hardly able to speak and unable to walk on his own, Jones says.

      "'They were trying to exorcise him. That's why he had the autism, he had a demon in him,'" Jones recounted what the teacher told her to The Huffington Post. "The cleaning lady was trying to cast out the demons."

  8. hollywooddood

    I saw the video. He totally said "blah". And then he went on to say "blah, blah, blah, blah."

    1. Geminisunmars

      I won't vote for anyone who says "blah, blah, blah."

      Yada, yada, yada, on the other hand…

  9. prommie

    Alls we need right about now is a shootin' war with Iran (where the Roman Empire went to die) to firm up this barely tumescent economic recovery, what ho?

    1. Geminisunmars

      No, I believe he actually thought about it, which might be even scarier. Oh, wait, I see what you did…

  10. Serolf_Divad

    He didn't say "black" he said "nigra." (Guaranteed frontrunner status in South Carolina).

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      No, he's too polite. "Neeeeee-gros" would be more his speed. And he would NOT understand why anyone could possibly take offense.

    1. Chet Kincaid

      (Well shit, this was double-posted, so I deleted one and both got deleted. The original wisecrack was:)

      We're not "Blahs" anymore, Frothy. We're "Ablahca-Ahmablacahs"!

          1. forgracie

            Honey, I'd take you to Lillian's Music store and then the Hippodrome if I weren't already…ahem…committed. We probably crossed paths in Gainesville in the eighties and just didn't know it.

          2. Chet Kincaid

            Probably one of the proprietors was helpfully deleting the double just as I was, so both got deleted (he lies to cover the fact that Chet was KBJ all along!).

  11. ManchuCandidate

    As for war with Iran…
    1) Who was the geninuz that thought "Hey, wouldn't it be a great idea to conduct war games on the doorstep of Iran… with Israel"? Outside of the neocons that is. I can understand in the Eastern Med cause that's where Israel is…
    2) On the other hand Iran, your histrionics and drama queen posturing isn't going to help when your navy is made up of subs that rarely leave port and consists of 2 squadrons of frigates and corvettes aka in navalese, tin cans which are named such because they're very expendable.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      I think they also have some zodiac boats, a couple of service boats for the offshore oil rigs, and FROGMEN. I always dug that term. Frogmen.

  12. DaRooster

    Rick, trust me… straights do NOT get married to be happy… at least not the first 2 times apparently.

  13. elviouslyqueer

    "Blah people didn't land on Plymouth Rock. Plymouth Rock landed on us."

    Tah dah! Rick Santorum, sorted.

  14. Tundra Grifter

    According to today's "Morning Money" from POLITICO, Santorum doubled his wealth since leaving office and has been on the ClusterFox payroll.

    Of course, one could well ask which GNoPee candidate hasn't been on the Murdoch gravy train.

    Would it be too much to ask when FoxPAC talking heads conduct infomercials with fellow employees that the network identifies them as such?

  15. Fare la Volpe

    All civil rights must be enumerated by the Magna Carta
    No one is required to learn anything in school

    The GOPers are trying to reinstate a new permanent slave class, aren't they? And who better to fill it with than with all those new blah people?

      1. Tundra Grifter

        His classic remains "Nobody Loves You When You're Down and Out."

        Unless you're a failed GNoPee candidate, in which case The Manwill make you a millionaire.

        See"Santorum, Rick." And Duh Gov'Nuh. Ole Newt. et. al. Also.

  16. OneYieldRegular

    Just how much longer do we have to watch Rick Santorum's histrionic, convoluted pathology play out in public when he should be handling it in the comfort and privacy of a therapist's office?

  17. Monsieur_Grumpe

    New Hampshire is now effectively ending compulsory education. You mean they haven't already? I thought I had an explanation for this fine crop of moron republican candidates.

  18. subsum

    "…then straights can marry as many other straights as they want just to be happy.”

    They do, Mr. Santorum: people get married, they get a divorce and they get married again. Then they get another divorce and they marry someone else and so on. Didn't you know?

    1. Fare la Volpe

      I wonder if Li'l Ricky's head would explode if he knew just how many times the Jabba impersonator next to him on stage had been married.

    1. Chet Kincaid

      By the way Sweetie, the trailer for "French Tail" – I mean, "Red Tails," looks action-packed with Nazi shoot-downs, but light on the romance. "Take that, Mr. Hitler!"

      I think it's awful that Lucas went back to Episode IV 34 years later and made everyone Blah with CG, also!!

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        I'm sure that, as a movie about blah men in WWII, this film will stand with such classics as "A Soldier's Story," but with P-51 Mustangs instead of smoke-generating trucks. Too bad Adolph Caesar isn't still around to keep those "worthless geechees" in line.

  19. BaldarTFlagass

    Stop talking that
    Blah blah blah
    Think you'll be getting this
    Nah nah nah
    Not in the back of my
    Car-ar-ar
    If you keep talking that
    Blah blah blah blah blah

  20. paris biltong

    1) To Iran's credit, at least they don't carry out those exercises half way around the world, like some other countries' navies
    2) Would it be a good idea to avoid all mentions of Republican party politics for a few days, just to see how it feels?

    1. Mojopo

      2) No. That's how King Paultard and Frothy Mess got free passes in Iowa. Sorry, but the magnification lenses have to be stronger now.

  21. Arken

    New Hampshire is going to have trouble with the section of the Magna Carta dealing with the return of Welsh prisoners, but they'll probably be okay with the 'you don't have to pay back the money your dad owes to Jews' clause.

  22. Redhead

    BREAKING: Sarah Palin quit something, John McCain forgot where he put something five minutes ago, Cain sexually harassed a woman, Bachmann made crazy eyes while Marcus gazed longing at some new purse, Perry got drunk and tried act sober, Romney put his foot in his mouth trying to act like one of the everyday people instead of a rich ass, Gingrich divorced his old trophy wife for a new trophy wife and everyone ignored Huntsman.

    In other breaking news, sky is blue, etc.

    1. SorosBot

      Did Ron Paul say something sensible, then go off on an insane rant about the Fed and goooooold that made no sense but got lots of applause from his cult followers too?

      1. Redhead

        He did but no one noticed except the cult followers because everyone ignored him even more than Huntsman.

  23. Mojopo

    This is the part when Judge Judy bangs her gavel and instructs Mr. Santorum to stop peeing on her leg and telling her it's raining.

    What is the great great googly moogly is happening in NH? Is this about home schooling? I do think there are instances when home schooling works, provided that the parents are educators themselves, or they hire educators and give their kids a chance to socialize. But too often the "socialization" part of home schooling is considering a pinko code word and the kids only get to hang out with other bored home schoolers. Plus, colleges require specific courses and parental preferences do not trump their standards. I just don't see how this education plan can have proper oversight. It would cost money, and those baggers won't spend dime ONE on education.

    1. Chet Kincaid

      The answer, of course, is Home Universities. Which will of course lead to the establishment of Amish/Hardcore Mormon-like religious communities for the kiddies' adult lives. Oh wait, I'm describing the New South.

      1. Mojopo

        Chet, as far as I can tell there has been no threat to home schooling in NH. So – gee – I'll go out on a limb and suggest that this recent bit of fucking nonsense is the educational equivalent of reaffirming "In God We Trust" on moneee. These baggers in NH waste time better than anyone. They are the guys on road crew shining the guard rails with their ginormous rears.

    2. emmelemm

      This is the part when Judge Judy bangs her gavel and instructs Mr. Santorum to stop peeing on her leg and telling her it's raining.

      That's always my favorite part!

    1. Fare la Volpe

      There was some obscure German chancellor who wouldn't shake hands with the blah athletes at the Olympics.

      What was that guy's name again? Hmmm….

  24. BlueStateLibel

    And I didn't say you were a douchebag, Rick Santorum, I said you were a dunderhead. Big difference.

  25. SorosBot

    Saying something racist, then denying that he ever said it, even though it's pretty clear he did; Santorum is trying to rip off Ron Paul here.

  26. BaldarTFlagass

    For his next autobiography, he can paraphrase the title of John Howard Griffin's seminal book of the civil rights era, Blah Like Me. Kinda fits.

    Rest at pale evening…
    A tall slim tree…
    Night coming tenderly
    Blah like me.
    (apologies to Langston Hughes)

    1. Chichikovovich

      I'm going to put on the drabest, blandest glove I have, and thrust my fist in the air in honor of this moment.

  27. Dudleydidwrong

    Santorum will climb (or get squirted) all over that Magna Carta idea and will promise NH voters that if he's elected all acts of congress will be vetoed unless they can claim a clear link to the ancient document. Newt, it's your turn. Top that one, I double dare ya.

    Now we're getting real serious-like about this history thingy.

  28. Terry

    The people of Pennsylvania realize that Santorum is a profoundly stupid man and tossed him out of office by a margin of 18%. That's massive for an incumbent.

    Now, if only the GOP'ers would come to the same realization. What am I saying? When has stupidity been an impediment to a successful career within the Republican Party?

  29. DerrickWildcat

    I think they should give this tape to the Ghost Hunters because they are very good at hearing a noise and then can tell that that noise was no noise but something a ghost was saying.

  30. Chichikovovich

    "if gays can marry gays just to make themselves happy then straights can marry as many other straights as they want just to be happy,"

    Y'know, Rick does have a point. Once people use "marriage" and related words to mean something other than specifically a union between one man and one woman, then anything could happen. For example, Rick Santorum could be wedded to dozens of hateful, crazy ideas.

    ?

    OMIGOD! It's already happened!

  31. Chichikovovich

    I am breathless with anticipation for next week's denial/"clarification" from Santorum:

    "No, no, I said "Those naggers are the real racists."

  32. DocChaos

    How is it that the same country capable of launching technology into space that can determine if the speed of light in the ancient part of the universe was marginally different than it is today, can entertain the idea that Rick Santorum is a viable nominee for one of its major political parties?

    The march of civilization is all the more impressive when one considers that all progress is made by a tiny minority while the masses are exhorted to club them with sticks.

  33. Generation[redacted]

    I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt. Some of my best friends are blurred people, especially when I've been drinking.

      1. widestanceshakedown

        Is that available in fun flavors. like Slammin' Slime and Hairy Cherry?

        [promise, no more puns that bad for the rest of the week]

  34. DaRooster

    It would be nice if Mr Deeds would do to Santorum what he did to Peter Gallagher while playing tennis…

  35. Chet Kincaid

    (Nature Show Host hushed voice:) And so, the circle of life revolves again! A newborn, baby Meme pecks its way into the larger world to feel the air on its fuzzy skin and take its first trembling steps. Listen to its cry… "Blah!…Blah!"

    (Is stealing from myself a sin, Frothy? It feels so good…)

  36. chicken_thief

    “if gays can marry gays just to make themselves happy…."

    Way to gloss over all the legal ramifications of not being wed, dumb fuck. And if sex is forbidden unless one is procreating, what difference would it make who got married?

    1. Generation[redacted]

      For a reasonable price, I am offering a 100% legal pre-nup, marriage, and post-dated (by one night) divorce combined into a simple form you and your new friend can both electronically sign from your smart phones. Have fun, but keep it legal, blah people!

    1. Chet Kincaid

      Fucking hypocrite liar, and then has to make special fucking arguments to justify saving his wife's life??!! God, I hate this fucker. Thanks for bringing that to our attention – I thought he was a buffoon, but now I'm mad!!

        1. emmelemm

          It's even more outrageous than Newt trying to impeach Clinton while fucking Calista on the side, and that's a HIGH hurdle to clear.

  37. Ruhe

    The "black/blah" thing sounds bad, I admit, but the bright side is that "blah" is the sound you make when the demons leave your body. My cleaning lady told me so. So Rick's probably all better now.

  38. Rayn_And

    Blah couple moved in next door…I figure if they can afford to live in this neighborhood, they might as well be white.

  39. DahBoner

    #SANTORUMSAIDSOMETHINGSTUPID

    This hashtag has the potential to overload the whole intertubes…

  40. ttommyunger

    I guess you used the pix of Santorum's self-image instead of the reality-based Johnny Tambourine image, right?

  41. GOPCrusher

    Whats even more hilarious is that Dobson, Bauer, and other members of the American Taliban are meeting to try to find someone even more insane to run for the nomination, because they hate the Mormons and Romney that much.

Comments are closed.