oily tater tots strike again

Orly Taitz Scores Procedural Victory in Birther Lawsuit, America Is Saved

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Hey we hear Herman Cain has a dating site she might like now?

Leading American source for legal humor Orly Taitz HAS HIT THE JACKPOT, AT LAST with a majorly awesome minor procedural win in a Georgia court, because a judge denied the Obama Administration’s request to dismiss whatever greasy piece of paper full of crayon streaks she filed lately on the grounds that Georgia election law allows any random-ass yahoo to “challenge the qualifications of a candidate” on any ballot. It is the equivalent of celebrating your acceptance letter to the University of Phoenix, BUT OH GAWD WE ARE SPOILING THE FUN ALREADY. Okay, okay. Let’s try to be calm about this and let our birther drag queen give her acceptance speech, right after the jump!

She has just won all of the golden dildos in all of History put together times a hundred according to this official “statement” from her website:

THANK YOU GOD!!! I AM READY TO CRY! AFTER 3 YEARS OF BATTLE FOR THE FIRST TIME A JUDGE RULED THAT OBAMA’S MOTION TO DISMISS IS DENIED. I CAN NOW DEPOSE OBAMA AND EVERYBODY ELSE INVOLVED WITHOUT ANY IMPEDIMENT.

God is pleased to have helped, in this matter of banal state election codes written by humans who did not anticipate the annoying nonsense of out-of-state birther weirdos with too much time on their hands. Let’s be awful and check the fine print from Judge Michael Malihi’s order:

Both the Secretary of State and the electors of Georgia are granted the authority under the Code to challenge the qualifications of a candidate. The challenge procedures are defined in Code Section 21-2-5(b), which authorizes any elector who is eligible to vote for a candidate to challenge the qualifications of the candidate by filing a written complaint with the Secretary of State within two weeks after the deadline for qualifying. O.C.G.A. § 21-2-5(b).

Ah yes, “the electors of Georgia” is what we were referring to in that “random-ass yahoo” part earlier, since Taitz managed to locate a couple of them to sign on to her lawsuit in this state where she does not live and is not running for Senate. Ha ha, she’s running for Senate! That is a weird and True Thing about a deranged sociopath dentist named Orly Taitz.

Anyway, the real winner here is the United States, which is one judicial victory closer to that total state of Freedom known as “insanity.” GIVE THANKS, YOU CRETINS. [Columbia Ledger-Inquirer]

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • nounverb911

    Where is Taintz's birth certificate? Or at the very least her naturalization papers? Okay, I'll settle for her AKC papers.

    • OzoneTom

      Yeah, I thought that they were all agin' furriners down there!

    • memzilla

      The confusion has to do with the legal definition of her "birth," i.e., when the succubus pooped out the egg, or when it hatched.

    • C_R_Eature

      The "Jackalweasel" is not currently an AKC recognized breed. It is provisional in the Canadian Kennel Club, however.

      • Doktor Zoom

        The Snot Otter, on the other hand….

        • C_R_Eature

          Ah, the Snot Otter. Do you think it will stick?

          *Ew.*

          • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

            This is Wonkette! We'll make it stick like santorum on Santorum.

          • Dr Ozark Hellbender

            Like Walnuts on McCain!

            Like Grift on a Snowbilly!

            Like a dog on Mitt's station wagon!

            Like assfucking on toast!

          • Negropolis

            Like white (Palin) on (Glenn) Rice!

            Like a Republican on a live boy!

    • Loaded_Pants

      I would settle for her discharge papers from a state-funded mental hospital.

    • MissTaken

      I'm still waiting for her vaccination shots. She smells contagious.

    • arihaya

      isn't all dog that enter USA have to be quarantined? especially someone from the commie state Soviet Union like her?

    • Numbat_Dundee

      She was not born. Like Botticelli's Venus she was spat out of a sea shell. Only in her case the seafood was Tainted.

      • C_R_Eature

        Shat out of a Sea Cucumber, more like.

    • sunmusing

      Every time I see Orly Taitz, I read "oily taints", is that something like "oozing santorum"?

  • memzilla

    I'll bet her court petition was written in all caps, too. But why did she have to go all the way to Jawjuh to file it? Was Alabama busy? Didn't Mississippi pick up the phone?

    • Loaded_Pants

      TN would like to know why she never bothered with them. They would have loved to receive her crayon-stained paperwork.

    • Guppy

      I'm torn between "Mississippi couldn't afford the phone bill this month" and "Mississippi isn't wired for telephone service yet."

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      ARIZONA DAMMIT.

  • Wonderthing

    That's my dream wife you're slandering there. Consider yourself sued. In Georgia. You'll be served on Judgement Day, heathens.

    signed, Mr. Ron Known As( Wonderthing) Taitz

  • BarackMyWorld

    Your move, sanity.

    • memzilla

      Sanity concedes.

    • FatalServerErrorFace

      Every one knows there ain't no such thing a sanity clause.

    • Negropolis

      For the love of gawd, why won't you move, sanity? I'm begging you.

    • PsycWench

      No kidding! At least that Time Cube guy changed the focus of his paranoia from time to time.

      • BarackMyWorld

        *clicks on link*

        What the FUCK was that?

      • DaRooster

        From time to time?!?
        How about every 3 seconds… and he should know there are far more diabolical fonts.

      • Grief_Lessons

        Imagine it's 1810 and you're reading William Blake. He's got more rhythm than the Time Cube guy, but otherwise, probably looks just as nuts.

  • cheetojeebus

    she's a peach.

    some lucky dude…..

    • bikerlaureate

      I'd rather live in her world
      than be without her
      in mine.

    • Guppy

      She has the IQ of a peach, that's for sure…

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    Only common sense, logic and reason can impede her now.

    • nounverb911

      And maybe the Secret Service too, also.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      It's Georgia. So you are saying there is nothing to impede her now.

      • bagofmice

        Are you announcing a superconducting taitz on the wonkette?

    • Slim_Pickins

      You forgot to mention the facts.

      • HipHop0Potamus

        Facts, like reality, have a well-known liberal bias.

    • Geminisunmars

      They haven't impeded her yet.

    • Crank_Tango

      No kidding! I don't know what Barry is going to do without Georgia's electoral votes this time. Wait, what? He didn't win Georgia last time either?

      Irrelevancy Libel!!!

    • KeepFnThatChicken

      Dude, those three things are the fucking antipodes of Santorum's election platform.

  • nounverb911

    "I CAN NOW DEPOSE OBAMA AND EVERYBODY ELSE INVOLVED WITHOUT ANY IMPEDIMENT."
    Good luck getting an appointment to see him.

    • Katydid

      Isn't there something about a sitting president having immunity or some such and not having to testify?

      • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

        Shhhh! You'll ruin all the fun!

      • Terry

        I noticed a wee bit in the judge's order about her having to submit a written complaint within two weeks. That document should be a whole festival of crazy. I did NOT notice anything in the order about her being able to depose anyone she chooses at this point.

        • BerkeleyBear

          Shh! Let the nice crazy lady have her moment, 'kay? With any luck, she'll wind up fucking up procedurally in Georgia (such as by trying to substitute cat poop for an actual legal challenge) and convince herself they are all in on the grand conspiracy against her quest for truth.

    • OneDollarJuana

      Except that O just signed into law the Presidential power of locking up any damn person he feels like forever, without trial. Oh, wait. It doesn't appear to apply to US citizens or green card holders. But if O locks someone up and then states that they aren't a citizen or green card holder, but they can't get out of jail to get the proof, of citizenship, so, um, oh well.

      The squeaky wheel gets the small cell. Just sayin', Orly.

  • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

    In the total state of freedom known as insanity, you give your bladder and bowels free rein. Don't let The Man tell you where you can and can't pee and poop.

  • Lazy Media

    In my Michael Bay film, she WINS and gets Obama off the ballot in Georgia…until he sends in federal marshals backed by tanks. Starring Julia Roberts as Orly Taitz.

    • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

      In a world where the White House is home to an African half-breed with fakey-looking birth documentation, one woman stands between the truth and heavily-accented gibberish….

      • Dr Ozark Hellbender

        Sadly, Don "The Voice of God" LaFontaine is no longer available to read that…

    • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

      I'd go for Juliette Lewis as the Taintz (remember she can play absolute crazy, as in Natural Born Killers) with Woody Harrelson as the Judge!

      • flamingpdog

        I'm thinking Victoria Jackson as Orly. She can't act much, but then she doesn't have to act crazy.

        • Geminisunmars

          They do look as though they were separated at birth. Hey, let's demand to see their birth certificiates.

      • Negropolis

        Juliette Lewis doesn't have to "play" absolute crazy…

    • HarryButtle

      No, this requires serious acting chops…Streep, Dench, Mirren…THAT'S our Orly Taitz.

      • Negropolis

        Streep, definitely Streep. She can play anyone. Oh, no. I changed my mind. a Fatal Attraction-minded Glenn Close.

    • Dr Ozark Hellbender

      Michael Bay? Nahhh…. Orly is more of a Uwe Boll type.

    • Nostrildamus

      Starring Julia Roberts Dana Carvey as Orly Taitz.

  • Sue4466

    "I CAN NOW DEPOSE OBAMA AND EVERYBODY ELSE INVOLVED WITHOUT ANY IMPEDIMENT."

    As a non-dentist lawyer maybe I'm not qualified to say, but I don't think this order means what she thinks it means.

    • snoopyfan2010

      Watching the Princess Bride again?

      • Sue4466

        Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line.

        • Dr Ozark Hellbender

          She's more like the R.O.U.S.'s–A Russian of Unusual Stupidity

      • Loaded_Pants

        Who doesn't watch it "again"?

    • Terry

      I don't think reality means what she thinks it means overall.

    • Rosie_Scenario

      Ah, but are you also a non-lawyer and non-real estate agent?

  • Biff

    Hotter, wetter, tighter, that's our Orly!

    And OT, but http://www.spreadingsantorum.com is now back at the top..

    • memzilla

      "Hotter, wetter, tighter" sounds like an ad for piston rings in the old JC Whitney catalog.

    • SorosBot

      Yay!

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Really, shouldn't that web site be at the bottom?

      • user-of-owls

        Kinda depends on which way you're aiming, doesn't it?

    • Loaded_Pants

      I always thought that santorum was always on the bottom. I have been proven wrong, it seems.

      • user-of-owls

        Honest to Orly, the headline in yesterday's Arkansas Democratic Gazette was, "Romney, Santorum Tops in Iowa."

        You know things are bad when even Arkansas editors are snickering at you.

        • Lionel[redacted]Esq

          Especially when we all know that Rick Perry is the Top of the field.

          • user-of-owls

            Made it, Ma! Top of the world!

  • MissTaken

    And you thought she was hotter, hornier, wetter, and tighter before. Watch out!
    http://wonkette.com/412157/heres-some-great-news-

    • Steverino247

      And you know what she says if you give "worm sign" that you're going to cum first:

      WAIT! LET ME FEENISH!!!

  • flamingpdog

    Attempts to reach Obama’s Atlanta attorney Michael Jablonski Wednesday were unsuccessful.

    Michael Jablonski? Sorry, but this sounds like a case for Heywood Jablowmi, Esq.

    • memzilla

      Did he make partner at Dewey, Cheatham, & Howe yet?

      • bagofmice

        That's a Marxist law firm.

        • Loaded_Pants

          I turn in my comedy nerd card. I thought it was it was name of the law office that represented the interests of Larry, Curly, and Moe.

          • Terry

            They also represent Tom and Ray, the Car Talk guys on NPR.

      • MaxNeanderthal

        No, but he did at Sue, Grabbit & Runne….

        • memzilla

          There's sushi restaurant all the lawyers go to next to Foley Square: Sosumi.

    • Blueb4sunrise

      Unrelated Jablonski story …..vaguely remembered some Jablonski from the olden days…..

      Joseph Albert "Jock" Yablonski (March 3, 1910 – December 31, 1969) was an American labor leader in the United Mine Workers in the 1950s and 1960s. He was murdered in 1969 by killers hired by a union political opponent, Mine Workers president W. A. Boyle. His death led to significant reforms in the union.

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joseph_Yablonski

    • littlebigdaddy

      Heywood's on retainer for Marcus Bachmann, or so I hear.

      • jqheywood

        I am NOT!

    • Negropolis

      Pollack libel!

  • Callyson

    GIVE THANKS, YOU CRETINS.
    Oh, but we do give thanks…Thanks, God, for keeping the wingnuts on the right in the news cycle, when the Mittens Machine is trying its darndest to silence them so that they can get a candidate whose tax cuts for the wealthy will bankrupt the economy.

    • MilwaukeeKent

      Best thing Ronald Reagan ever said, "Our problem is our right hand doesn't know what our far-right hand is doing". May they keep spinning farther out into the ether.

  • memzilla

    What's wrong, Orly, no one reading your profile on Jdate?

    • Crank_Tango

      too soon!

    • Terry

      Oh, you and I both know that there are men out there who LOVE a woman with a lot of crazy going on.

      • MilwaukeeKent

        I hear the sex is great, but man, hide the sharp objects…

  • Harry_S_Truman

    And so, the slow-motion trainwreck named Orly Taitz continues down the track. Thank goodness. Things were getting so dull now that the excitement of Santorum's "come from behind" finish in Iowa is over.

  • Callyson

    Ha ha, she’s running for Senate!
    Senator Feinstein, pipe down and attempt to compose yourself. At least in public.

  • BigDumbRedDog

    This bitch is amazing for the simple fact that she makes Michele Bachman look sane in comparison. And Palin looks like a freakin supermodel bionic genious Nobel prize winner next to this dumb skank.

    • memzilla

      Yes, it's the eternal "dumber than" conundrum: "bag of hammers" vs. "box of rocks."

  • Doktor Zoom

    Obama may as well just go ahead and resign now.

  • rickmaci

    Ms. Taitz. "…What you have just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul. "

    Next.

  • comrad_darkness

    This is the point where moose and squirrel fly in to save the day for Obama, right?

    • flamingpdog

      Whatsamatta U?

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Boris and Natasha SLANDER!

    • arihaya

      today we are all moose and squirrels

  • memzilla

    O/T, but: Tomorrow 10:20 AM live on CSPAN, Newt Gingrich "takes your calls." Remember to keep it G-rated at first for the nice call-screening lady, and that CSPAN uses a 5 second delay.

    • Loaded_Pants

      So I can't call in to ask: "Which female campaign worker have you been trying to bang and will make your 6th wife?"

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Will someone call to ask, "Do you actually contend that you are smarter than Howard Stern?"

  • qwerty42

    Teh Krazy shows up in some of the comments at the site, but (oddly) not as much as I'd expected. However, I don't want to get too far into those — a little bit goes a long way.

  • Tommmcattt

    Wet and tight, Orly. Wet and tight.

    • MaxNeanderthal

      Yeah, right, as an otters pocket….

      • Nostrildamus

        Or a hot pocket. Whatev'

        • Tommmcattt

          In her case more of a bear claw, I'd imagine.

  • BigDumbRedDog

    Wait. Is she doing this to keep Obama off the ballot in Georgia? Cause I'm pretty sure he's not gonna win that hell-hole of a state and doesn't need to anyway. In fact, i'll bet my big hairy red ass that he doesnt. Or is she just doing this to be a stupid annoying cunt?

    • rickmaci

      That's affirmative, Big_Dog.

    • Negropolis

      It's funny, because polls have shown Obama running surprisingly competitive in Georgia this time around. Who knows what happens come election day, but with changing demographics, Georgia and Arizona are surprisingly becoming the new Virginia and North Carolina. It's one of those maddening things that Dems don't come out for state and mid-term elections, but will come out for presidential elections if you round enough of them up.

      • Chichikovovich

        In connection with your last sentence, it's interesting to note that Republicans have a similar view: Democrats won't come out for presidential elections if you round enough of them up.

    • C_R_Eature

      I'll take "Stupid Annoying Cunts" for $100, Alex.

  • MzNicky

    Hey man, It's Georgia, sayeth the Tennessean.

    • http://wonkette.com TanzbodenKoenig

      Shouldnt you be too busy bullying gay kids to be on here?

      • MzNicky

        Hey! I already said I was sorry on behalf of the whole fucking state! Not the first time either. Nor the last.

  • Lucidamente1

    I've always wondered about her dental practice. She wouldn't happen to have a Dr. Christian Szell as a partner, would she?

    • Chichikovovich

      Yes! How did you know. Their motto is:
      "Szell and Taitz dentistry: Where it's safe."

      • Lucidamente1

        With partnership registered as White Angel LLC.

  • BigDumbRedDog

    That oily taint just needs a little santorum.

    • tealsheart

      Tatters tots!

  • edgydrifter

    If I ever looked up from a dentist's chair and saw Dr. Taint hovering over me with a drill in her hand, I would just save myself the time and money by knocking out all my teeth with a framing hammer.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    She has a lot of good ideas. She should get to South Carolina fast and start campaigning.

    Orly Taitz/Casey Anthony 2012!!!

  • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Like Barry was going to overcome the stubborn "Souf shal rise agin" inbreds in the mostly rural areas and win Georgia's electoral votes.

    • qwerty42

      Demographics are shifting in Georgia. In 2008, Obama rec'd 47% of the popular vote to McCain's 52%. It is unlikely to be a swing state in 2012 (if it were, it would suggest a significant collapse of the Republicans — probably all over the country), but it seems on a course to become one within 10 years or so. Texas is a more interesting case; it is well on the way to becoming "majority minority" within a generation, maybe less. Which may account for Rick Perry not being as venomous on immigration as others. OTOH, I don't see much change for Mississippi or Alabama (or Oklahoma) anytime soon, but I have not seen too much on them. In general, the sunbelt seems to be shifting; retirees come in, but so do younger folks. Who have children.

      • MilwaukeeKent

        Much of the country is actually running out of old white bigots, maybe in a decade. To see where they're going, pick up any newspaper, if you still have one, and turn to the obits. There goeth the AM talk radio audience too (with four years added for a second Obama term).

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    the equivalent of celebrating your acceptance letter to the University of Phoenix

    Jesus, Maria, y Jose that cretin Oily Twatz got her lawz degree from Taft Law School – an on-line shamskool that is not accredited with the Cal State Bar. That place takes a serious backseat to Fundamentally Oral Roberts Yew where She1ey got her JD.

    Math-wise this is Avocado's Number: (fuck all)^23 at a minimum. If you had an infinite number of Doritos and an infinite number bowls of guacamole you'd have the living room couches of Teatard America plus a little leftovers. We are so fucked, too, also.

    • Chichikovovich

      I think I saw one of their ads.
      Are you so heavy you can't get out of your bathtub to go to class? Then the online Taft Law School is looking for you!"

    • bagofmice

      Only if it's been Boyle'd. Otherwise it might be infectious. Extra points for hitting the molar.

    • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

      Hey, I got my law degree (s!!!!) from watching Perry Mason reruns.

    • littlebigdaddy

      Do you think teatards eat Messican guacamole? I alway imagined them putting that spray cheese stuff on their doritos.

    • Terry

      She got her dentistry degree in Israel, per wikipedia, but there's no mention that she practiced dentistry in the US (or Israel for that matter).

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        She just spends all her time taking care of her own teeth. Those choppers are HUGE.

  • http://wonkette.com smokefillednewyear

    The video cassette is in a format, that I can’t play or upload on you-tube channel. If someone knows, how to convert it, let me know, I will post it. I think, it is called Sony DVCAM 94 Advanced ME.

    Sounds like, Orly needs a shitty IT certificate, and maybe some, English courses, to go w/ her Lawyer-Dentist Degree, or whateverthefuck, it is.

    • CapnFatback

      That little writing disorder is what we in the biz call a "comma coma."

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      Someone at ITT Tech is dropping a brochure in the mail to her as we speak.

    • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

      No she just needs to READ THE FUCKING MANUAL!!!!

      • http://wonkette.com smokefillednewyear

        Total fucking pebkac.

      • flamingpdog

        Manual? Soundz Messican to me. BUILD THE FUCKING FENCE!!!!

    • Dudleydidwrong

      "…how to convert it…?" Shit. Call Mitt. All those Mormons are always at the door trying to convert something. Maybe they could do something like this.

    • HistoriCat

      Doesn't she also sell real estate? Or am I thinking of some other whackadoo?

  • MissTaken

    And you thought Brown v The Board of Education was important. Ha.

  • Antispandex

    Oily Taints has just managed to defer her disappointment until a later date. Don't tell her though, it will only make her sad…sooner. Besides, it's always fun to watch the eventual "we came this far, only to be refused our victory by an activist court" speech.

  • Schmannnity

    Not a problem. Obama can time travel via Mars and filibuster against this Judge's appointment while a Senator. Hell, while he's at it, he could put the Shroud of Turin next to his "birth certificate" in Hawaii.

  • SorosBot

    Do do do do do; just lookin' through the Model Rules of Professional Conduct for lawyers.

    Rule 3.1 Meritorious Claims And Contentions

    A lawyer shall not bring or defend a proceeding, or assert or controvert an issue therein, unless there is a basis in law and fact for doing so that is not frivolous, which includes a good faith argument for an extension, modification or reversal of existing law. A lawyer for the defendant in a criminal proceeding, or the respondent in a proceeding that could result in incarceration, may nevertheless so defend the proceeding as to require that every element of the case be established.

    Rule 3.3 Candor Toward The Tribunal

    (a) A lawyer shall not knowingly:

    (1) make a false statement of fact or law to a tribunal or fail to correct a false statement of material fact or law previously made to the tribunal by the lawyer;

    • Biff

      Rules are for other people.

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        Democrats.

    • HistoriCat

      Oh come on – she knows in her heart the truth that is truthier than the truth based on facts! She's the very epitome of truthiness.

    • http://wonkette.com/ outragedcitizen

      You don't actually think she read any of those law books do you?

  • Tundra Grifter

    "It is the equivalent of celebrating your acceptance letter to the University of Phoenix…"

    The phone books are here! The phone books are here!

    – You're on a roll today, Kirsten!

  • pinkocommi

    "whatever greasy piece of paper full of crayon streaks she filed lately "

    Funny. I would have taken her for the write-in-her-own-blood kind of crazy.

    • PsycWench

      I thought lawyers wrote with other people's blood. No?

    • billy_reuben

      Blood? No. She's more of the fingerpainting-with-her-own-poo kind of a gal.

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    …without any impediment, excepting her intellect, of course

    • SorosBot

      What intellect?

  • Harry_S_Truman

    Exit: Bachmann
    Enter: Taitz

    Comedians kill for timing like this.

    • memzilla

      Now that I think about it, we've never seen them both in the same room at the same time, have we?

      • GeorgiaBurning

        there's a scary thought, unless the walls are mattresses.

    • Barrelhse

      Keystone Kunts

  • MissTaken

    It's crazy chicks like Orly that make women difficult to understand, even to Stephen Hawking.
    http://cosmiclog.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/01/05/9

  • Gleem_McShineys

    That procedural victory was hotter, hornier, wetter, tighter than any procedures I've ever met.

  • JackObin

    Orly Taitz? Is that a person's name or a venereal disease? "Doctor, my Orly Taitz is itching".

    • Schmannnity

      Yes

    • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

      Who is that lady in your picture? Who is that lady in your picture? Who is that lady in your picture? Who is that lady in your picture?

      • JackObin

        My housekeeper.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      you're thinking of Oily Taint – easy to confuse the two.

    • SorosBot

      Having a orly taitz is a symptom, I think.

  • Dr Ozark Hellbender

    I was going to label this OT, but maybe it isn't: There's an intense captive breeding effort underway to restore the wild population of the Ozark hellbender salamander, an enormous amphibian colloquially known as the "snot otter."

    I would like to nominate "Snot Otter" as the official Wonkette nickname for Ms. Taitz.

    • C_R_Eature

      I'll second that…unless there's something called a snot Beaver.

      • OneDollarJuana

        But there is something called "beaver snot". At least, that's what I called it.

        • C_R_Eature

          Apparently Orly knows what that is too.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      Doctor Zoom and the Ozark Hellbenders – new band name.

      • bagofmice

        Hard to argue with that. Dub-bluegrass metal?

        Google seems to indicate that this a genre ripe for exploration.

        • Dashboard Buddha

          This with banjos and mandolins? Hmmm…

          (not my cuppa, but the dude in the video…holy shit)

      • Dr Ozark Hellbender

        Sadly, the whole thing is over the character limit for nyms here, but I sorta like the way "Dr Ozark Hellbender" sounds… sort of a "Rufus T Firefly" vibe to it.

      • C_R_Eature

        Smash Grass?

    • user-of-owls

      I live only a few blocks away from these dying salamanders. Too soon!

    • C_R_Eature

      Upon further consideration, Doc, the one issue I have with developing this meme is associating a highly specialized lovely creature of noble purpose with Orly Taitz.

    • LesBontemps

      Snot Otter is a fine name, but seems like it's more appropriate for that other species of Newt.

    • tcaalaw

      How dare you slander the noble snot otter by associating it with Orly Taitz!

  • WhatTheHeck

    If only she could have raised a continental army to march on Washington and oust the usurper, then she wouldn’t have needed any of those damn judges.

  • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

    If Orly doesn't keep her professional lines distinct, after the deposition she's liable to try to get an appraisal and a set of bite-wing x-rays on Barack.

    • flamingpdog

      Oooo, shes' a bite-wing Republican!

      • LesBontemps

        Would upfist again.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    A slightly previous version of myself would decry the pointlessness of this post and the fairly unreasonable use of the G word, as well as the warrantless injection of religion into a primarily political and legal based article, following a well-established pattern of barely-readable and unfunny blog posts on this site written by Kirsten.

    But I have Progressed! Instead I will merely suggest that Liz Colville should be Kirsten's editor. I know Kirsten will never read this – she apparently never reads any of the comments here (or any of the other posts here). But Liz – seriously – you are much better than her.

    That is my stance and my point, I think, as the alcohol and whatnot kick in.

    • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

      I find Kirsten's posts witty and incisive, and feel that her absence from the comments sandbox enhances her smoldering mystique. But then I haven't been drinking.

      • BS4Dummies

        Kirsten, smoldering? I must put on my flame retardant underware before panties spontaneously combust. Kirsten's hottttt.

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      I'm sure if Kirsten had read all your posts on this subject she would have resigned in abject disgrace by now.

      Kirsten, if you are reading this, good news! An anonymous blog commenter has some writing tips for you!

      • SorosBot

        Every once in a while I miss the downfist.

        • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

          I am constantly awed by your 133p. It never seems to change.

        • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

          There was a certain emotional satisfaction to its utilization.

    • Negropolis

      Can I be honest? This was completely unnecessary, rude and classless. You will so regret this when you return, today, and hopefully you delete it.

    • Dr Ozark Hellbender

      DON'T CALL HER LIZ!

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      I realize if I feel the need to complain every time she posts something I don't like, I should just go to another site, or ignore her.

      Heal thyself.

      Dick move all the way.

  • Chichikovovich

    After this triumph, ESPN commentators will start calling her "The Tim Tebow of the law".

    • Dr Ozark Hellbender

      Ahem…no, that will have to be "The snot otter of the law"

      • Chichikovovich

        You make a compelling point, but maybe there is a middle way. Say, we have a shooting outdoors at some location, with a big crowd behind the broadcast set. (Like on College Gameday or some such.) The regular ESPN commentators call her "The Tim Tebow of the law" and then the crowd chimes in unison "SNOT OTTER!!!!".

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    So, while God has abandoned Michele Bachman, Rick Perry and Tim Teabow, he has taken up with Ms. Taitz? S/He does move in mysterious ways.

    • SorosBot

      Until she loses at the full hearing anyway. He's teasing her, like he did with Perry and Bachmann with their brief leads, and Teabow with his narrow wins over bad teams.

      • user-of-owls

        So in other words, she'll either throw a lot of incomplete passes, be forced to drop out of a primary race or have her state burned to the ground. I like it!

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    So, for the counsel that haunts this site, I assume this was a 12(b) motion (or whatever the Georgia equivalent is). So, Next move, file for SJ, place a copy of Obama's long form birth certificate on the record, and force Ms. Taitz to explain to the court how that doesn't solve everything and/or what discovery she could possible have that would refute the public record?

    • Fare la Volpe

      I concur.

      *cigar puff*

    • SudsMcKenzie

      Someone should just ask her if she "can handle the truth".

      • Terry

        She lacks even a passing acquaintance with the truth.

      • flamingpdog

        Tom Cruise knows for crazy, that's for sure. Mebbe he can take over the case for her.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Judge to D.A.: You know your fighting an uphill battle don't you? I mean, he did say that he looked at him crossways. This is Georgia, I mean we're still backwards in a lot of ways. I mean a LOT of ways.

    –Squidbillies

    • FatalServerErrorFace

      Squidbillies' quote for the win!

    • Negropolis

      I love that show in the most unhealthy way.

  • Bluestatelibel

    I love this bit from her Web site: "Judge Malihi, Deputy Chief judge of the Administrative court in GA, ruled, that Obama’s motion to dismiss is denied. He will have to stand trial and prove his eligibility for office."

    Yes, she will make Obama go on trial, along with all of those who voted for him – be afraid, be very afraid!

    • Dr Ozark Hellbender

      "Malihi"? Sounds kind of…Hawaiian, if you know what I mean…

  • Dashboard Buddha

    "I CAN NOW DEPOSE OBAMA AND EVERYBODY ELSE INVOLVED WITHOUT ANY IMPEDIMENT."

    Except for that speech impediment of course.

  • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

    Isn't Oily's very existence trial enough for all of us?

  • bumfug

    Wait, she can "DEPOSE OBAMA AND EVERYBODY ELSE INVOLVED WITHOUT ANY IMPEDIMENT"? What about the impediment of Obama telling her to go fuck herself?

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    I thought Obama was from Venus – you have to figure they put their birth certificates on some kind of futuristic paper and maybe even spell all the words in Venusian???

    • HistoriCat

      It's OK, DARPA has a Venusian to English translator that works – assuming anyone has %^ size batteries that is.

  • mavenmaven

    Oh no, not again. This is like a bad acid flashback. What next, Herman Cain will launch a new website to promote 999?

    • OneDollarJuana
  • Limeylizzie

    OT My imaginary GF, Rachel Maddow, just gave a shout-out to the Wonkette.

    • Guppy

      Dare we ask why?

      • SudsMcKenzie

        Neihlist was found hanging on to the bottom of her car.

        • user-of-owls

          ….screaming, "I'm a limpet mine! I'm a limpet mine!"

          and…?

          • Dr Ozark Hellbender

            like Don Knotts?

          • http://wonkette.com smokefillednewyear

            Magnetic exploding Don Knotts makes me lolz.

          • SudsMcKenzie

            I was thinking more Robert De Niro in Cape Fear, … but sure, Don Knotts.

          • prommie

            The incredible Mr. Limpet, come on!

    • DustBowlBlues

      At what point in the show? Before or after Barney Frank?

      • Limeylizzie

        Don't remember, quite early on I think.

    • DustBowlBlues

      She also did a great rant on unions and Right to Work (for less) states.

    • ProgressiveInga

      And MSNBC announced that my imaginary GF Melissa Harris-Perry is replacing the vapid Alex Witt on Saturdays and Sundays. ♥

      • Limeylizzie

        She is hot but not as hot as my other imaginary GF, Tamron Hall.

        • ProgressiveInga

          Tamron is babe-a-licious. If she were president, she'd be Babe-raham Lincoln…….

          • prommie

            If she were a dinosaur she'd be a babeasaurus rex.

        • mayor_quimby

          You are not alone, Tamron is midday nuclear wank fuel, even when I'm not in the mood. Good thing I have a mostly fulltime job.

    • C_R_Eature

      I'm curious…does Rachel read Wonkette for the sage political commentary, the cutting edge societal analysis or for the Dick/Twat/Santorum Jokes? All of the above?
      'Cos I just get the magazine for the , uh, articles. Yeah, that's right.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        I wonder if Rachel spends her entire workday here.

        • prommie

          I do.

          • BaldarTFlagass

            Yeah, I forgot to add "like me" there at the end.

      • Limeylizzie

        I think Rachel reads Wonkette to see how many straight women want to have sex with her.

  • Loaded_Pants

    As my mother used to say when her sister came to visit: "It's that crazy bitch again!"

  • user-of-owls

    Judge Michael Malihi obviously missed class in law school the day they covered, "You'll Only Encourage Them" precedent.

  • Negropolis

    Ah, yes, procedural victories; these are the best kind of victories. Aren't these fuckers always screaming "tort reform"?

    Needz moar hair bleach.

    • FakaktaSouth

      Come on now, that's just for job-creator-ing, regulation-obliterating, you can't sue just cause we poisoned your water that catches fire and now you have cancer tort reform, silly.

    • flamingpdog

      She's already had way too much brain bleach.

  • OneDollarJuana

    You know, one thing I think we keep forgetting about Ms. Taitz is that she is a dentist. That means she has actually had her hands buried in someone's mouth.

    • flamingpdog

      I wonder if she hears radio broadcasts from God coming out of her patients' teeth, or just her own?

    • SorosBot

      Somehow I imagine seeing her as a dentist would be a lot like being treated by Orin Scrivello, DDS.

    • MissTaken

      According to her very modern and high tech website, her practice is called Appealing Dentistry. Haha, get it? Because she files shitloads of crap appeals in court.

      She's a funny one, that Orly.
      http://www.drtaitz.com/

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    I'd hit that. With a 2×4.

    • Chichikovovich

      I'd hit it with a 4 by 4. Then shift to reverse and hit it again.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Is that header photo from "Truck Stop Crack Hos Visit Manhattan"?

  • OneDollarJuana

    Malihi Malihi. I like dorado better.

  • flamingpdog

    OT, but HA HA!

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      Two Milwaukee County officials appointed by Scott Walker when he was county executive were charged Thursday with embezzling more than $60,000 intended for veterans and their families, instead using the stolen funds on everything from Caribbean cruises to wedding expenses to renewing Walker-for-governor websites.

      Ho ho! Well, it'd be funny if it wasn't just what we expect from anything related to Walker.

    • cheetojeebus

      You need a scribe akin to Dos Passos to mine this rich vein of filth.

  • ProgressiveInga

    If I'm livin' with Melissa, there ain't gonna be much conversatin' if you know what I mean and I think you do!

  • Joshua Norton

    Of all the right-wing lawyers in history who tried to bring down Dem. presidents, Ms. Oily Taintz thinks she's going to be the one to do it? Even after the wing-nut SCOTUS told her to fuck off?

    With that sociopathic depth of denial, she should be running for the 2012 repug presidential candidate.

  • poorgradstudent

    I hope she stays around in the public eye forever! The name alone is a perpetual joke-producing engine:

    "Man, I knew I should have spent more money on finding a prostitute, 'cause I got a mean case of Orly Tainz!"

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    Georgia already has experience with this sort of thing. Those who wish to vote for Obama need simply go to the side entrance of their polling place and ask for the Colored Ballot.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Just once I'd like to see this used as the birther update jpg.

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    Please keep in mind Georgia is the place that produced the insurrectionist gun nut with the remote-controlled pink dildo and the Tranny Hunters DVD. Orly may have found her new home.

    • cheetojeebus

      I mentioned Dos Passos earlier, but this is more Carl Hiaasen.

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        I'd go with Hiaasen.It's even too wacky for Elmore Leonard.

  • honkyboy

    Thank GOD! Please Please Please impeach this idiot before he destroys Our country beyond repair! Spend! Spend! Spend! Spend!

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    I think this song was written about Ms Taitz.
    http://www.tsrocks.com/b/blue_oyster_cult_texts/s

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    According that old painting of hers, she has nice Taitz.

  • owhatever

    Who, oh who, will receive the coveted endorsement of Oily Titz for president?

  • http://wonkette.com/ outragedcitizen

    Is that Santorum on her Oily Taint?

  • oldmayfly

    Diebold decides all elections in Georgia. And Diebold never votes for Obama to win.

  • ttommyunger

    Bear in mind this was a Georgia Courtroom, where many still have spittoons strategically placed on the floor.

  • Ducandy

    Politics is bullshit.

  • Loaded_Pants

    I'm starting to like you, Insanity Santa.

  • http://wonkette.com Clancy_Pants

    I might disagree. The only way to stop a zombie IS the head. You need to shoot them in the head.

  • Biff

    Thanks for reminding me, time for Santa to go back in the box.