OILY TATER TOTS STRIKE AGAIN  7:11 pm January 5, 2012

Orly Taitz Scores Procedural Victory in Birther Lawsuit, America Is Saved

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Hey we hear Herman Cain has a dating site she might like now?

Leading American source for legal humor Orly Taitz HAS HIT THE JACKPOT, AT LAST with a majorly awesome minor procedural win in a Georgia court, because a judge denied the Obama Administration’s request to dismiss whatever greasy piece of paper full of crayon streaks she filed lately on the grounds that Georgia election law allows any random-ass yahoo to “challenge the qualifications of a candidate” on any ballot. It is the equivalent of celebrating your acceptance letter to the University of Phoenix, BUT OH GAWD WE ARE SPOILING THE FUN ALREADY. Okay, okay. Let’s try to be calm about this and let our birther drag queen give her acceptance speech, right after the jump!

She has just won all of the golden dildos in all of History put together times a hundred according to this official “statement” from her website:

THANK YOU GOD!!! I AM READY TO CRY! AFTER 3 YEARS OF BATTLE FOR THE FIRST TIME A JUDGE RULED THAT OBAMA’S MOTION TO DISMISS IS DENIED. I CAN NOW DEPOSE OBAMA AND EVERYBODY ELSE INVOLVED WITHOUT ANY IMPEDIMENT.

God is pleased to have helped, in this matter of banal state election codes written by humans who did not anticipate the annoying nonsense of out-of-state birther weirdos with too much time on their hands. Let’s be awful and check the fine print from Judge Michael Malihi’s order:

Both the Secretary of State and the electors of Georgia are granted the authority under the Code to challenge the qualifications of a candidate. The challenge procedures are defined in Code Section 21-2-5(b), which authorizes any elector who is eligible to vote for a candidate to challenge the qualifications of the candidate by filing a written complaint with the Secretary of State within two weeks after the deadline for qualifying. O.C.G.A. § 21-2-5(b).

Ah yes, “the electors of Georgia” is what we were referring to in that “random-ass yahoo” part earlier, since Taitz managed to locate a couple of them to sign on to her lawsuit in this state where she does not live and is not running for Senate. Ha ha, she’s running for Senate! That is a weird and True Thing about a deranged sociopath dentist named Orly Taitz.

Anyway, the real winner here is the United States, which is one judicial victory closer to that total state of Freedom known as “insanity.” GIVE THANKS, YOU CRETINS. [Columbia Ledger-Inquirer]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 280 comments }

nounverb911 January 5, 2012 at 7:17 pm

Where is Taintz's birth certificate? Or at the very least her naturalization papers? Okay, I'll settle for her AKC papers.

OzoneTom January 5, 2012 at 7:24 pm

Yeah, I thought that they were all agin' furriners down there!

memzilla January 5, 2012 at 7:25 pm

The confusion has to do with the legal definition of her "birth," i.e., when the succubus pooped out the egg, or when it hatched.

C_R_Eature January 5, 2012 at 8:11 pm

The "Jackalweasel" is not currently an AKC recognized breed. It is provisional in the Canadian Kennel Club, however.

Doktor Zoom January 5, 2012 at 9:45 pm

The Snot Otter, on the other hand….

C_R_Eature January 5, 2012 at 9:48 pm

Ah, the Snot Otter. Do you think it will stick?

*Ew.*

imissopus January 5, 2012 at 10:27 pm

This is Wonkette! We'll make it stick like santorum on Santorum.

Loaded_Pants January 5, 2012 at 8:51 pm

I would settle for her discharge papers from a state-funded mental hospital.

MissTaken January 5, 2012 at 9:59 pm

I'm still waiting for her vaccination shots. She smells contagious.

arihaya January 5, 2012 at 10:21 pm

isn't all dog that enter USA have to be quarantined? especially someone from the commie state Soviet Union like her?

Numbat_Dundee January 6, 2012 at 7:18 am

She was not born. Like Botticelli's Venus she was spat out of a sea shell. Only in her case the seafood was Tainted.

C_R_Eature January 6, 2012 at 7:25 am

Shat out of a Sea Cucumber, more like.

sunmusing January 6, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Every time I see Orly Taitz, I read "oily taints", is that something like "oozing santorum"?

memzilla January 5, 2012 at 7:18 pm

I'll bet her court petition was written in all caps, too. But why did she have to go all the way to Jawjuh to file it? Was Alabama busy? Didn't Mississippi pick up the phone?

Loaded_Pants January 5, 2012 at 8:54 pm

TN would like to know why she never bothered with them. They would have loved to receive her crayon-stained paperwork.

Guppy January 5, 2012 at 9:09 pm

I'm torn between "Mississippi couldn't afford the phone bill this month" and "Mississippi isn't wired for telephone service yet."

Jukesgrrl January 6, 2012 at 3:15 am

ARIZONA DAMMIT.

Wonderthing January 5, 2012 at 7:18 pm

That's my dream wife you're slandering there. Consider yourself sued. In Georgia. You'll be served on Judgement Day, heathens.

signed, Mr. Ron Known As( Wonderthing) Taitz

BarackMyWorld January 5, 2012 at 7:20 pm

Your move, sanity.

memzilla January 5, 2012 at 7:46 pm

Sanity concedes.

FatalServerErrorFace January 5, 2012 at 10:15 pm

Every one knows there ain't no such thing a sanity clause.

Negropolis January 5, 2012 at 10:33 pm

For the love of gawd, why won't you move, sanity? I'm begging you.

PsycWench January 5, 2012 at 11:08 pm

No kidding! At least that Time Cube guy changed the focus of his paranoia from time to time.

BarackMyWorld January 6, 2012 at 1:44 am

*clicks on link*

What the FUCK was that?

DerrickWildcat January 6, 2012 at 5:54 am

Here's a pretty good interview with Dr. Gene Ray. It will explain a lot of how the time cube works.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tn2UCqL5qyo

DaRooster January 6, 2012 at 8:37 am

From time to time?!?
How about every 3 seconds… and he should know there are far more diabolical fonts.

Grief_Lessons January 6, 2012 at 9:12 am

Imagine it's 1810 and you're reading William Blake. He's got more rhythm than the Time Cube guy, but otherwise, probably looks just as nuts.

cheetojeebus January 5, 2012 at 7:21 pm

she's a peach.

some lucky dude…..

bikerlaureate January 5, 2012 at 7:51 pm

I'd rather live in her world
than be without her
in mine.

Guppy January 5, 2012 at 9:10 pm

She has the IQ of a peach, that's for sure…

DerrickWildcat January 5, 2012 at 7:21 pm

Only common sense, logic and reason can impede her now.

nounverb911 January 5, 2012 at 7:24 pm

And maybe the Secret Service too, also.

Lionel[redacted]Esq January 5, 2012 at 8:03 pm

It's Georgia. So you are saying there is nothing to impede her now.

bagofmice January 5, 2012 at 8:20 pm

Are you announcing a superconducting taitz on the wonkette?

Slim_Pickins January 5, 2012 at 9:25 pm

You forgot to mention the facts.

HipHop0Potamus January 6, 2012 at 11:44 am

Facts, like reality, have a well-known liberal bias.

Geminisunmars January 5, 2012 at 10:32 pm

They haven't impeded her yet.

Crank_Tango January 5, 2012 at 11:19 pm

No kidding! I don't know what Barry is going to do without Georgia's electoral votes this time. Wait, what? He didn't win Georgia last time either?

Irrelevancy Libel!!!

KeepFnThatChicken January 5, 2012 at 11:24 pm

Dude, those three things are the fucking antipodes of Santorum's election platform.

nounverb911 January 5, 2012 at 7:21 pm

"I CAN NOW DEPOSE OBAMA AND EVERYBODY ELSE INVOLVED WITHOUT ANY IMPEDIMENT."
Good luck getting an appointment to see him.

Katydid January 5, 2012 at 8:19 pm

Isn't there something about a sitting president having immunity or some such and not having to testify?

imissopus January 5, 2012 at 8:37 pm

Shhhh! You'll ruin all the fun!

Terry January 5, 2012 at 10:28 pm

I noticed a wee bit in the judge's order about her having to submit a written complaint within two weeks. That document should be a whole festival of crazy. I did NOT notice anything in the order about her being able to depose anyone she chooses at this point.

BerkeleyBear January 5, 2012 at 10:43 pm

Shh! Let the nice crazy lady have her moment, 'kay? With any luck, she'll wind up fucking up procedurally in Georgia (such as by trying to substitute cat poop for an actual legal challenge) and convince herself they are all in on the grand conspiracy against her quest for truth.

OneDollarJuana January 5, 2012 at 10:38 pm

Except that O just signed into law the Presidential power of locking up any damn person he feels like forever, without trial. Oh, wait. It doesn't appear to apply to US citizens or green card holders. But if O locks someone up and then states that they aren't a citizen or green card holder, but they can't get out of jail to get the proof, of citizenship, so, um, oh well.

The squeaky wheel gets the small cell. Just sayin', Orly.

Spurning Beer January 5, 2012 at 7:22 pm

In the total state of freedom known as insanity, you give your bladder and bowels free rein. Don't let The Man tell you where you can and can't pee and poop.

Lazy Media January 5, 2012 at 7:23 pm

In my Michael Bay film, she WINS and gets Obama off the ballot in Georgia…until he sends in federal marshals backed by tanks. Starring Julia Roberts as Orly Taitz.

Spurning Beer January 5, 2012 at 8:14 pm

In a world where the White House is home to an African half-breed with fakey-looking birth documentation, one woman stands between the truth and heavily-accented gibberish….

Dr Ozark Hellbender January 5, 2012 at 10:51 pm

Sadly, Don "The Voice of God" LaFontaine is no longer available to read that…

BZ1 January 5, 2012 at 8:49 pm

I'd go for Juliette Lewis as the Taintz (remember she can play absolute crazy, as in Natural Born Killers) with Woody Harrelson as the Judge!

flamingpdog January 5, 2012 at 10:15 pm

I'm thinking Victoria Jackson as Orly. She can't act much, but then she doesn't have to act crazy.

Geminisunmars January 5, 2012 at 10:36 pm

They do look as though they were separated at birth. Hey, let's demand to see their birth certificiates.

Negropolis January 5, 2012 at 10:39 pm

Juliette Lewis doesn't have to "play" absolute crazy…

HarryButtle January 5, 2012 at 10:55 pm

No, this requires serious acting chops…Streep, Dench, Mirren…THAT'S our Orly Taitz.

Negropolis January 6, 2012 at 2:04 am

Streep, definitely Streep. She can play anyone. Oh, no. I changed my mind. a Fatal Attraction-minded Glenn Close.

Dr Ozark Hellbender January 6, 2012 at 9:31 am

Michael Bay? Nahhh…. Orly is more of a Uwe Boll type.

Nostrildamus January 6, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Starring Julia Roberts Dana Carvey as Orly Taitz.

Sue4466 January 5, 2012 at 7:24 pm

"I CAN NOW DEPOSE OBAMA AND EVERYBODY ELSE INVOLVED WITHOUT ANY IMPEDIMENT."

As a non-dentist lawyer maybe I'm not qualified to say, but I don't think this order means what she thinks it means.

snoopyfan2010 January 5, 2012 at 7:37 pm

Watching the Princess Bride again?

Sue4466 January 5, 2012 at 8:04 pm

Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line.

Dr Ozark Hellbender January 5, 2012 at 10:55 pm

She's more like the R.O.U.S.'s–A Russian of Unusual Stupidity

Loaded_Pants January 5, 2012 at 9:05 pm

Who doesn't watch it "again"?

Terry January 5, 2012 at 10:29 pm

I don't think reality means what she thinks it means overall.

Rosie_Scenario January 6, 2012 at 8:05 am

Ah, but are you also a non-lawyer and non-real estate agent?

Biff January 5, 2012 at 7:24 pm

Hotter, wetter, tighter, that's our Orly!

And OT, but http://www.spreadingsantorum.com is now back at the top..

memzilla January 5, 2012 at 7:45 pm

"Hotter, wetter, tighter" sounds like an ad for piston rings in the old JC Whitney catalog.

SorosBot January 5, 2012 at 7:47 pm

Yay!

Lionel[redacted]Esq January 5, 2012 at 8:05 pm

Really, shouldn't that web site be at the bottom?

user-of-owls January 5, 2012 at 10:26 pm

Kinda depends on which way you're aiming, doesn't it?

Loaded_Pants January 5, 2012 at 9:08 pm

I always thought that santorum was always on the bottom. I have been proven wrong, it seems.

user-of-owls January 5, 2012 at 10:29 pm

Honest to Orly, the headline in yesterday's Arkansas Democratic Gazette was, "Romney, Santorum Tops in Iowa."

You know things are bad when even Arkansas editors are snickering at you.

Lionel[redacted]Esq January 6, 2012 at 12:51 am

Especially when we all know that Rick Perry is the Top of the field.

user-of-owls January 6, 2012 at 1:09 am

Made it, Ma! Top of the world!

MissTaken January 5, 2012 at 7:25 pm

And you thought she was hotter, hornier, wetter, and tighter before. Watch out!
http://wonkette.com/412157/heres-some-great-news-

Steverino247 January 5, 2012 at 7:31 pm

And you know what she says if you give "worm sign" that you're going to cum first:

WAIT! LET ME FEENISH!!!

flamingpdog January 5, 2012 at 7:25 pm

Attempts to reach Obama’s Atlanta attorney Michael Jablonski Wednesday were unsuccessful.

Michael Jablonski? Sorry, but this sounds like a case for Heywood Jablowmi, Esq.

memzilla January 5, 2012 at 7:29 pm

Did he make partner at Dewey, Cheatham, & Howe yet?

bagofmice January 5, 2012 at 8:23 pm

That's a Marxist law firm.

Loaded_Pants January 5, 2012 at 9:13 pm

I turn in my comedy nerd card. I thought it was it was name of the law office that represented the interests of Larry, Curly, and Moe.

Terry January 5, 2012 at 10:30 pm

They also represent Tom and Ray, the Car Talk guys on NPR.

MaxNeanderthal January 6, 2012 at 12:32 pm

No, but he did at Sue, Grabbit & Runne….

memzilla January 6, 2012 at 3:00 pm

There's sushi restaurant all the lawyers go to next to Foley Square: Sosumi.

Blueb4sunrise January 5, 2012 at 8:07 pm

Unrelated Jablonski story …..vaguely remembered some Jablonski from the olden days…..

Joseph Albert "Jock" Yablonski (March 3, 1910 – December 31, 1969) was an American labor leader in the United Mine Workers in the 1950s and 1960s. He was murdered in 1969 by killers hired by a union political opponent, Mine Workers president W. A. Boyle. His death led to significant reforms in the union.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joseph_Yablonski

littlebigdaddy January 5, 2012 at 8:56 pm

Heywood's on retainer for Marcus Bachmann, or so I hear.

jqheywood January 5, 2012 at 9:23 pm

I am NOT!

Negropolis January 5, 2012 at 10:41 pm

Pollack libel!

Callyson January 5, 2012 at 7:25 pm

GIVE THANKS, YOU CRETINS.
Oh, but we do give thanks…Thanks, God, for keeping the wingnuts on the right in the news cycle, when the Mittens Machine is trying its darndest to silence them so that they can get a candidate whose tax cuts for the wealthy will bankrupt the economy.

MilwaukeeKent January 5, 2012 at 10:38 pm

Best thing Ronald Reagan ever said, "Our problem is our right hand doesn't know what our far-right hand is doing". May they keep spinning farther out into the ether.

memzilla January 5, 2012 at 7:26 pm

What's wrong, Orly, no one reading your profile on Jdate?

Crank_Tango January 5, 2012 at 8:00 pm

too soon!

Terry January 5, 2012 at 10:32 pm

Oh, you and I both know that there are men out there who LOVE a woman with a lot of crazy going on.

MilwaukeeKent January 5, 2012 at 10:43 pm

I hear the sex is great, but man, hide the sharp objects…

Harry_S_Truman January 5, 2012 at 7:27 pm

And so, the slow-motion trainwreck named Orly Taitz continues down the track. Thank goodness. Things were getting so dull now that the excitement of Santorum's "come from behind" finish in Iowa is over.

Callyson January 5, 2012 at 7:27 pm

Ha ha, she’s running for Senate!
Senator Feinstein, pipe down and attempt to compose yourself. At least in public.

BigDumbRedDog January 5, 2012 at 7:28 pm

This bitch is amazing for the simple fact that she makes Michele Bachman look sane in comparison. And Palin looks like a freakin supermodel bionic genious Nobel prize winner next to this dumb skank.

memzilla January 5, 2012 at 7:35 pm

Yes, it's the eternal "dumber than" conundrum: "bag of hammers" vs. "box of rocks."

Doktor Zoom January 5, 2012 at 7:29 pm

Obama may as well just go ahead and resign now.

rickmaci January 5, 2012 at 7:31 pm

Ms. Taitz. "…What you have just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul. "

Next.

comrad_darkness January 5, 2012 at 7:31 pm

This is the point where moose and squirrel fly in to save the day for Obama, right?

flamingpdog January 5, 2012 at 7:36 pm

Whatsamatta U?

Dudleydidwrong January 5, 2012 at 9:48 pm

Boris and Natasha SLANDER!

arihaya January 5, 2012 at 10:27 pm

today we are all moose and squirrels

memzilla January 5, 2012 at 7:32 pm

O/T, but: Tomorrow 10:20 AM live on CSPAN, Newt Gingrich "takes your calls." Remember to keep it G-rated at first for the nice call-screening lady, and that CSPAN uses a 5 second delay.

Loaded_Pants January 5, 2012 at 9:28 pm

So I can't call in to ask: "Which female campaign worker have you been trying to bang and will make your 6th wife?"

Jukesgrrl January 6, 2012 at 3:22 am

Will someone call to ask, "Do you actually contend that you are smarter than Howard Stern?"

qwerty42 January 5, 2012 at 7:32 pm

Teh Krazy shows up in some of the comments at the site, but (oddly) not as much as I'd expected. However, I don't want to get too far into those — a little bit goes a long way.

Tommmcattt January 5, 2012 at 7:33 pm

Wet and tight, Orly. Wet and tight.

MaxNeanderthal January 6, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Yeah, right, as an otters pocket….

Nostrildamus January 6, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Or a hot pocket. Whatev'

Tommmcattt January 6, 2012 at 5:32 pm

In her case more of a bear claw, I'd imagine.

BigDumbRedDog January 5, 2012 at 7:33 pm

Wait. Is she doing this to keep Obama off the ballot in Georgia? Cause I'm pretty sure he's not gonna win that hell-hole of a state and doesn't need to anyway. In fact, i'll bet my big hairy red ass that he doesnt. Or is she just doing this to be a stupid annoying cunt?

rickmaci January 5, 2012 at 9:52 pm

That's affirmative, Big_Dog.

Negropolis January 5, 2012 at 10:46 pm

It's funny, because polls have shown Obama running surprisingly competitive in Georgia this time around. Who knows what happens come election day, but with changing demographics, Georgia and Arizona are surprisingly becoming the new Virginia and North Carolina. It's one of those maddening things that Dems don't come out for state and mid-term elections, but will come out for presidential elections if you round enough of them up.

Chichikovovich January 6, 2012 at 9:52 am

In connection with your last sentence, it's interesting to note that Republicans have a similar view: Democrats won't come out for presidential elections if you round enough of them up.

C_R_Eature January 6, 2012 at 6:12 am

I'll take "Stupid Annoying Cunts" for $100, Alex.

MzNicky January 5, 2012 at 7:34 pm

Hey man, It's Georgia, sayeth the Tennessean.

TanzbodenKoenig January 5, 2012 at 7:55 pm

Shouldnt you be too busy bullying gay kids to be on here?

MzNicky January 5, 2012 at 8:09 pm

Hey! I already said I was sorry on behalf of the whole fucking state! Not the first time either. Nor the last.

Lucidamente1 January 5, 2012 at 7:36 pm

I've always wondered about her dental practice. She wouldn't happen to have a Dr. Christian Szell as a partner, would she?

Chichikovovich January 5, 2012 at 7:57 pm

Yes! How did you know. Their motto is:
"Szell and Taitz dentistry: Where it's safe."

Lucidamente1 January 5, 2012 at 9:51 pm

With partnership registered as White Angel LLC.

BigDumbRedDog January 5, 2012 at 7:36 pm

That oily taint just needs a little santorum.

tealsheart January 5, 2012 at 10:00 pm

Tatters tots!

edgydrifter January 5, 2012 at 7:36 pm

If I ever looked up from a dentist's chair and saw Dr. Taint hovering over me with a drill in her hand, I would just save myself the time and money by knocking out all my teeth with a framing hammer.

Schmannnity January 5, 2012 at 7:52 pm
prommie January 6, 2012 at 9:41 am

Do you prefer the waffle-faced variety, or the smooth?

DerrickWildcat January 5, 2012 at 7:36 pm

She has a lot of good ideas. She should get to South Carolina fast and start campaigning.

Orly Taitz/Casey Anthony 2012!!!

ManchuCandidate January 5, 2012 at 7:37 pm

Like Barry was going to overcome the stubborn "Souf shal rise agin" inbreds in the mostly rural areas and win Georgia's electoral votes.

qwerty42 January 5, 2012 at 8:26 pm

Demographics are shifting in Georgia. In 2008, Obama rec'd 47% of the popular vote to McCain's 52%. It is unlikely to be a swing state in 2012 (if it were, it would suggest a significant collapse of the Republicans — probably all over the country), but it seems on a course to become one within 10 years or so. Texas is a more interesting case; it is well on the way to becoming "majority minority" within a generation, maybe less. Which may account for Rick Perry not being as venomous on immigration as others. OTOH, I don't see much change for Mississippi or Alabama (or Oklahoma) anytime soon, but I have not seen too much on them. In general, the sunbelt seems to be shifting; retirees come in, but so do younger folks. Who have children.

MilwaukeeKent January 5, 2012 at 10:56 pm

Much of the country is actually running out of old white bigots, maybe in a decade. To see where they're going, pick up any newspaper, if you still have one, and turn to the obits. There goeth the AM talk radio audience too (with four years added for a second Obama term).

weejee January 5, 2012 at 7:38 pm

the equivalent of celebrating your acceptance letter to the University of Phoenix

Jesus, Maria, y Jose that cretin Oily Twatz got her lawz degree from Taft Law School – an on-line shamskool that is not accredited with the Cal State Bar. That place takes a serious backseat to Fundamentally Oral Roberts Yew where She1ey got her JD.

Math-wise this is Avocado's Number: (fuck all)^23 at a minimum. If you had an infinite number of Doritos and an infinite number bowls of guacamole you'd have the living room couches of Teatard America plus a little leftovers. We are so fucked, too, also.

Chichikovovich January 5, 2012 at 8:00 pm

I think I saw one of their ads.
Are you so heavy you can't get out of your bathtub to go to class? Then the online Taft Law School is looking for you!"

bagofmice January 5, 2012 at 8:28 pm

Only if it's been Boyle'd. Otherwise it might be infectious. Extra points for hitting the molar.

johnnyzhivago January 5, 2012 at 8:44 pm

Hey, I got my law degree (s!!!!) from watching Perry Mason reruns.

littlebigdaddy January 5, 2012 at 8:59 pm

Do you think teatards eat Messican guacamole? I alway imagined them putting that spray cheese stuff on their doritos.

Terry January 5, 2012 at 10:36 pm

She got her dentistry degree in Israel, per wikipedia, but there's no mention that she practiced dentistry in the US (or Israel for that matter).

Jukesgrrl January 6, 2012 at 3:27 am

She just spends all her time taking care of her own teeth. Those choppers are HUGE.

smokefillednewyear January 5, 2012 at 7:41 pm

The video cassette is in a format, that I can’t play or upload on you-tube channel. If someone knows, how to convert it, let me know, I will post it. I think, it is called Sony DVCAM 94 Advanced ME.

Sounds like, Orly needs a shitty IT certificate, and maybe some, English courses, to go w/ her Lawyer-Dentist Degree, or whateverthefuck, it is.

CapnFatback January 5, 2012 at 8:11 pm

That little writing disorder is what we in the biz call a "comma coma."

imissopus January 5, 2012 at 8:39 pm

Someone at ITT Tech is dropping a brochure in the mail to her as we speak.

johnnyzhivago January 5, 2012 at 8:46 pm

No she just needs to READ THE FUCKING MANUAL!!!!

smokefillednewyear January 5, 2012 at 10:15 pm

Total fucking pebkac.

flamingpdog January 5, 2012 at 10:28 pm

Manual? Soundz Messican to me. BUILD THE FUCKING FENCE!!!!

Dudleydidwrong January 5, 2012 at 9:55 pm

"…how to convert it…?" Shit. Call Mitt. All those Mormons are always at the door trying to convert something. Maybe they could do something like this.

HistoriCat January 6, 2012 at 12:17 am

Doesn't she also sell real estate? Or am I thinking of some other whackadoo?

MissTaken January 5, 2012 at 7:42 pm

And you thought Brown v The Board of Education was important. Ha.

Antispandex January 5, 2012 at 7:43 pm

Oily Taints has just managed to defer her disappointment until a later date. Don't tell her though, it will only make her sad…sooner. Besides, it's always fun to watch the eventual "we came this far, only to be refused our victory by an activist court" speech.

Schmannnity January 5, 2012 at 7:43 pm

Not a problem. Obama can time travel via Mars and filibuster against this Judge's appointment while a Senator. Hell, while he's at it, he could put the Shroud of Turin next to his "birth certificate" in Hawaii.

SorosBot January 5, 2012 at 7:43 pm

Do do do do do; just lookin' through the Model Rules of Professional Conduct for lawyers.

Rule 3.1 Meritorious Claims And Contentions

A lawyer shall not bring or defend a proceeding, or assert or controvert an issue therein, unless there is a basis in law and fact for doing so that is not frivolous, which includes a good faith argument for an extension, modification or reversal of existing law. A lawyer for the defendant in a criminal proceeding, or the respondent in a proceeding that could result in incarceration, may nevertheless so defend the proceeding as to require that every element of the case be established.

Rule 3.3 Candor Toward The Tribunal

(a) A lawyer shall not knowingly:

(1) make a false statement of fact or law to a tribunal or fail to correct a false statement of material fact or law previously made to the tribunal by the lawyer;

Biff January 5, 2012 at 7:50 pm

Rules are for other people.

Jukesgrrl January 6, 2012 at 3:28 am

Democrats.

HistoriCat January 6, 2012 at 12:19 am

Oh come on – she knows in her heart the truth that is truthier than the truth based on facts! She's the very epitome of truthiness.

outragedcitizen January 6, 2012 at 1:58 pm

You don't actually think she read any of those law books do you?

Tundra Grifter January 5, 2012 at 7:44 pm

"It is the equivalent of celebrating your acceptance letter to the University of Phoenix…"

The phone books are here! The phone books are here!

- You're on a roll today, Kirsten!

pinkocommi January 5, 2012 at 7:44 pm

"whatever greasy piece of paper full of crayon streaks she filed lately "

Funny. I would have taken her for the write-in-her-own-blood kind of crazy.

PsycWench January 5, 2012 at 11:45 pm

I thought lawyers wrote with other people's blood. No?

billy_reuben January 6, 2012 at 5:08 am

Blood? No. She's more of the fingerpainting-with-her-own-poo kind of a gal.

BZ1 January 5, 2012 at 7:48 pm

…without any impediment, excepting her intellect, of course

SorosBot January 5, 2012 at 8:01 pm

What intellect?

Harry_S_Truman January 5, 2012 at 7:48 pm

Exit: Bachmann
Enter: Taitz

Comedians kill for timing like this.

memzilla January 5, 2012 at 7:51 pm

Now that I think about it, we've never seen them both in the same room at the same time, have we?

GeorgiaBurning January 5, 2012 at 8:00 pm

there's a scary thought, unless the walls are mattresses.

Barrelhse January 5, 2012 at 9:17 pm

Keystone Kunts

MissTaken January 5, 2012 at 7:50 pm

It's crazy chicks like Orly that make women difficult to understand, even to Stephen Hawking.
http://cosmiclog.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/01/05/9

Gleem_McShineys January 5, 2012 at 7:54 pm

That procedural victory was hotter, hornier, wetter, tighter than any procedures I've ever met.

JackObin January 5, 2012 at 7:55 pm

Orly Taitz? Is that a person's name or a venereal disease? "Doctor, my Orly Taitz is itching".

Schmannnity January 5, 2012 at 7:59 pm

Yes

DerrickWildcat January 5, 2012 at 8:21 pm

Who is that lady in your picture? Who is that lady in your picture? Who is that lady in your picture? Who is that lady in your picture?

JackObin January 5, 2012 at 8:26 pm

My housekeeper.

Dashboard Buddha January 5, 2012 at 8:27 pm

you're thinking of Oily Taint – easy to confuse the two.

SorosBot January 5, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Having a orly taitz is a symptom, I think.

Dr Ozark Hellbender January 5, 2012 at 7:56 pm

I was going to label this OT, but maybe it isn't: There's an intense captive breeding effort underway to restore the wild population of the Ozark hellbender salamander, an enormous amphibian colloquially known as the "snot otter."

I would like to nominate "Snot Otter" as the official Wonkette nickname for Ms. Taitz.

C_R_Eature January 5, 2012 at 8:07 pm

I'll second that…unless there's something called a snot Beaver.

OneDollarJuana January 5, 2012 at 10:49 pm

But there is something called "beaver snot". At least, that's what I called it.

C_R_Eature January 6, 2012 at 7:07 am

Apparently Orly knows what that is too.

Dashboard Buddha January 5, 2012 at 8:33 pm

Doctor Zoom and the Ozark Hellbenders – new band name.

bagofmice January 5, 2012 at 8:36 pm

Hard to argue with that. Dub-bluegrass metal?

Google seems to indicate that this a genre ripe for exploration.

Dashboard Buddha January 5, 2012 at 8:45 pm

This with banjos and mandolins? Hmmm…

(not my cuppa, but the dude in the video…holy shit)

bagofmice January 6, 2012 at 6:54 am
Dr Ozark Hellbender January 5, 2012 at 10:57 pm

Sadly, the whole thing is over the character limit for nyms here, but I sorta like the way "Dr Ozark Hellbender" sounds… sort of a "Rufus T Firefly" vibe to it.

C_R_Eature January 6, 2012 at 7:06 am

Smash Grass?

user-of-owls January 5, 2012 at 10:19 pm

I live only a few blocks away from these dying salamanders. Too soon!

C_R_Eature January 6, 2012 at 7:30 am

Upon further consideration, Doc, the one issue I have with developing this meme is associating a highly specialized lovely creature of noble purpose with Orly Taitz.

LesBontemps January 6, 2012 at 9:51 am

Snot Otter is a fine name, but seems like it's more appropriate for that other species of Newt.

tcaalaw January 6, 2012 at 11:23 am

How dare you slander the noble snot otter by associating it with Orly Taitz!

WhatTheHeck January 5, 2012 at 8:02 pm

If only she could have raised a continental army to march on Washington and oust the usurper, then she wouldn’t have needed any of those damn judges.

Spurning Beer January 5, 2012 at 8:03 pm

If Orly doesn't keep her professional lines distinct, after the deposition she's liable to try to get an appraisal and a set of bite-wing x-rays on Barack.

flamingpdog January 5, 2012 at 10:36 pm

Oooo, shes' a bite-wing Republican!

LesBontemps January 6, 2012 at 9:52 am

Would upfist again.

Sharkey January 5, 2012 at 8:06 pm

A slightly previous version of myself would decry the pointlessness of this post and the fairly unreasonable use of the G word, as well as the warrantless injection of religion into a primarily political and legal based article, following a well-established pattern of barely-readable and unfunny blog posts on this site written by Kirsten.

But I have Progressed! Instead I will merely suggest that Liz Colville should be Kirsten's editor. I know Kirsten will never read this – she apparently never reads any of the comments here (or any of the other posts here). But Liz – seriously – you are much better than her.

That is my stance and my point, I think, as the alcohol and whatnot kick in.

Spurning Beer January 5, 2012 at 8:24 pm

I find Kirsten's posts witty and incisive, and feel that her absence from the comments sandbox enhances her smoldering mystique. But then I haven't been drinking.

BS4Dummies January 6, 2012 at 6:02 am

Kirsten, smoldering? I must put on my flame retardant underware before panties spontaneously combust. Kirsten's hottttt.

imissopus January 5, 2012 at 8:35 pm

I'm sure if Kirsten had read all your posts on this subject she would have resigned in abject disgrace by now.

Kirsten, if you are reading this, good news! An anonymous blog commenter has some writing tips for you!

SorosBot January 5, 2012 at 8:52 pm

Every once in a while I miss the downfist.

Sharkey January 5, 2012 at 9:26 pm

I am constantly awed by your 133p. It never seems to change.

imissopus January 5, 2012 at 10:31 pm

There was a certain emotional satisfaction to its utilization.

Negropolis January 5, 2012 at 10:53 pm

Can I be honest? This was completely unnecessary, rude and classless. You will so regret this when you return, today, and hopefully you delete it.

Dr Ozark Hellbender January 5, 2012 at 11:00 pm

DON'T CALL HER LIZ!

Fukui_sanYesOta January 6, 2012 at 4:02 am

I realize if I feel the need to complain every time she posts something I don't like, I should just go to another site, or ignore her.

Heal thyself.

Dick move all the way.

Chichikovovich January 5, 2012 at 8:06 pm

After this triumph, ESPN commentators will start calling her "The Tim Tebow of the law".

Dr Ozark Hellbender January 5, 2012 at 11:01 pm

Ahem…no, that will have to be "The snot otter of the law"

Chichikovovich January 6, 2012 at 12:06 am

You make a compelling point, but maybe there is a middle way. Say, we have a shooting outdoors at some location, with a big crowd behind the broadcast set. (Like on College Gameday or some such.) The regular ESPN commentators call her "The Tim Tebow of the law" and then the crowd chimes in unison "SNOT OTTER!!!!".

Lionel[redacted]Esq January 5, 2012 at 8:11 pm

So, while God has abandoned Michele Bachman, Rick Perry and Tim Teabow, he has taken up with Ms. Taitz? S/He does move in mysterious ways.

SorosBot January 5, 2012 at 8:39 pm

Until she loses at the full hearing anyway. He's teasing her, like he did with Perry and Bachmann with their brief leads, and Teabow with his narrow wins over bad teams.

user-of-owls January 5, 2012 at 10:33 pm

So in other words, she'll either throw a lot of incomplete passes, be forced to drop out of a primary race or have her state burned to the ground. I like it!

Lionel[redacted]Esq January 5, 2012 at 8:14 pm

So, for the counsel that haunts this site, I assume this was a 12(b) motion (or whatever the Georgia equivalent is). So, Next move, file for SJ, place a copy of Obama's long form birth certificate on the record, and force Ms. Taitz to explain to the court how that doesn't solve everything and/or what discovery she could possible have that would refute the public record?

Fare la Volpe January 5, 2012 at 9:08 pm

I concur.

*cigar puff*

SudsMcKenzie January 5, 2012 at 10:00 pm

Someone should just ask her if she "can handle the truth".

Terry January 5, 2012 at 10:38 pm

She lacks even a passing acquaintance with the truth.

flamingpdog January 5, 2012 at 10:42 pm

Tom Cruise knows for crazy, that's for sure. Mebbe he can take over the case for her.

Lionel[redacted]Esq January 5, 2012 at 8:19 pm

Judge to D.A.: You know your fighting an uphill battle don't you? I mean, he did say that he looked at him crossways. This is Georgia, I mean we're still backwards in a lot of ways. I mean a LOT of ways.

–Squidbillies

FatalServerErrorFace January 5, 2012 at 10:24 pm

Squidbillies' quote for the win!

Negropolis January 5, 2012 at 10:56 pm

I love that show in the most unhealthy way.

Bluestatelibel January 5, 2012 at 8:29 pm

I love this bit from her Web site: "Judge Malihi, Deputy Chief judge of the Administrative court in GA, ruled, that Obama’s motion to dismiss is denied. He will have to stand trial and prove his eligibility for office."

Yes, she will make Obama go on trial, along with all of those who voted for him – be afraid, be very afraid!

Dr Ozark Hellbender January 5, 2012 at 11:03 pm

"Malihi"? Sounds kind of…Hawaiian, if you know what I mean…

Dashboard Buddha January 5, 2012 at 8:34 pm

"I CAN NOW DEPOSE OBAMA AND EVERYBODY ELSE INVOLVED WITHOUT ANY IMPEDIMENT."

Except for that speech impediment of course.

natoslug January 5, 2012 at 8:35 pm

Isn't Oily's very existence trial enough for all of us?

bumfug January 5, 2012 at 8:38 pm

Wait, she can "DEPOSE OBAMA AND EVERYBODY ELSE INVOLVED WITHOUT ANY IMPEDIMENT"? What about the impediment of Obama telling her to go fuck herself?

johnnyzhivago January 5, 2012 at 8:43 pm

I thought Obama was from Venus – you have to figure they put their birth certificates on some kind of futuristic paper and maybe even spell all the words in Venusian???

HistoriCat January 6, 2012 at 12:27 am

It's OK, DARPA has a Venusian to English translator that works – assuming anyone has %^ size batteries that is.

mavenmaven January 5, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Oh no, not again. This is like a bad acid flashback. What next, Herman Cain will launch a new website to promote 999?

OneDollarJuana January 5, 2012 at 10:31 pm

yes

Limeylizzie January 5, 2012 at 9:02 pm

OT My imaginary GF, Rachel Maddow, just gave a shout-out to the Wonkette.

Guppy January 5, 2012 at 9:19 pm

Dare we ask why?

SudsMcKenzie January 5, 2012 at 10:03 pm

Neihlist was found hanging on to the bottom of her car.

user-of-owls January 5, 2012 at 10:14 pm

….screaming, "I'm a limpet mine! I'm a limpet mine!"

and…?

Dr Ozark Hellbender January 5, 2012 at 11:04 pm

like Don Knotts?

DustBowlBlues January 5, 2012 at 9:59 pm

At what point in the show? Before or after Barney Frank?

Limeylizzie January 7, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Don't remember, quite early on I think.

DustBowlBlues January 5, 2012 at 10:02 pm

She also did a great rant on unions and Right to Work (for less) states.

ProgressiveInga January 5, 2012 at 10:09 pm

And MSNBC announced that my imaginary GF Melissa Harris-Perry is replacing the vapid Alex Witt on Saturdays and Sundays. ♥

Limeylizzie January 5, 2012 at 10:13 pm

She is hot but not as hot as my other imaginary GF, Tamron Hall.

ProgressiveInga January 5, 2012 at 10:28 pm

Tamron is babe-a-licious. If she were president, she'd be Babe-raham Lincoln…….

prommie January 6, 2012 at 9:46 am

If she were a dinosaur she'd be a babeasaurus rex.

mayor_quimby January 6, 2012 at 12:50 am

You are not alone, Tamron is midday nuclear wank fuel, even when I'm not in the mood. Good thing I have a mostly fulltime job.

C_R_Eature January 6, 2012 at 7:23 am

I'm curious…does Rachel read Wonkette for the sage political commentary, the cutting edge societal analysis or for the Dick/Twat/Santorum Jokes? All of the above?
'Cos I just get the magazine for the , uh, articles. Yeah, that's right.

BaldarTFlagass January 6, 2012 at 8:35 am

I wonder if Rachel spends her entire workday here.

prommie January 6, 2012 at 9:44 am

I do.

BaldarTFlagass January 6, 2012 at 9:56 am

Yeah, I forgot to add "like me" there at the end.

Limeylizzie January 6, 2012 at 11:01 am

I think Rachel reads Wonkette to see how many straight women want to have sex with her.

Loaded_Pants January 5, 2012 at 9:04 pm

As my mother used to say when her sister came to visit: "It's that crazy bitch again!"

user-of-owls January 5, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Judge Michael Malihi obviously missed class in law school the day they covered, "You'll Only Encourage Them" precedent.

Negropolis January 5, 2012 at 10:27 pm

Ah, yes, procedural victories; these are the best kind of victories. Aren't these fuckers always screaming "tort reform"?

Needz moar hair bleach.

FakaktaSouth January 5, 2012 at 10:40 pm

Come on now, that's just for job-creator-ing, regulation-obliterating, you can't sue just cause we poisoned your water that catches fire and now you have cancer tort reform, silly.

flamingpdog January 5, 2012 at 10:46 pm

She's already had way too much brain bleach.

OneDollarJuana January 5, 2012 at 10:29 pm

You know, one thing I think we keep forgetting about Ms. Taitz is that she is a dentist. That means she has actually had her hands buried in someone's mouth.

flamingpdog January 5, 2012 at 10:49 pm

I wonder if she hears radio broadcasts from God coming out of her patients' teeth, or just her own?

SorosBot January 5, 2012 at 11:17 pm

Somehow I imagine seeing her as a dentist would be a lot like being treated by Orin Scrivello, DDS.

MissTaken January 5, 2012 at 11:59 pm

According to her very modern and high tech website, her practice is called Appealing Dentistry. Haha, get it? Because she files shitloads of crap appeals in court.

She's a funny one, that Orly.
http://www.drtaitz.com/

johnnyzhivago January 5, 2012 at 10:41 pm

I'd hit that. With a 2×4.

Chichikovovich January 6, 2012 at 12:15 am

I'd hit it with a 4 by 4. Then shift to reverse and hit it again.

johnnyzhivago January 5, 2012 at 10:48 pm

Is that header photo from "Truck Stop Crack Hos Visit Manhattan"?

OneDollarJuana January 5, 2012 at 10:53 pm

Malihi Malihi. I like dorado better.

flamingpdog January 5, 2012 at 11:44 pm

OT, but HA HA!

Fukui_sanYesOta January 6, 2012 at 4:07 am

Two Milwaukee County officials appointed by Scott Walker when he was county executive were charged Thursday with embezzling more than $60,000 intended for veterans and their families, instead using the stolen funds on everything from Caribbean cruises to wedding expenses to renewing Walker-for-governor websites.

Ho ho! Well, it'd be funny if it wasn't just what we expect from anything related to Walker.

cheetojeebus January 6, 2012 at 6:50 am

You need a scribe akin to Dos Passos to mine this rich vein of filth.

ProgressiveInga January 5, 2012 at 11:49 pm

If I'm livin' with Melissa, there ain't gonna be much conversatin' if you know what I mean and I think you do!

Joshua Norton January 5, 2012 at 11:58 pm

Of all the right-wing lawyers in history who tried to bring down Dem. presidents, Ms. Oily Taintz thinks she's going to be the one to do it? Even after the wing-nut SCOTUS told her to fuck off?

With that sociopathic depth of denial, she should be running for the 2012 repug presidential candidate.

poorgradstudent January 6, 2012 at 12:15 am

I hope she stays around in the public eye forever! The name alone is a perpetual joke-producing engine:

"Man, I knew I should have spent more money on finding a prostitute, 'cause I got a mean case of Orly Tainz!"

Chet Kincaid January 6, 2012 at 1:44 am

Georgia already has experience with this sort of thing. Those who wish to vote for Obama need simply go to the side entrance of their polling place and ask for the Colored Ballot.

BarackMyWorld January 6, 2012 at 1:51 am

Just once I'd like to see this used as the birther update jpg.

Jukesgrrl January 6, 2012 at 4:13 am

Please keep in mind Georgia is the place that produced the insurrectionist gun nut with the remote-controlled pink dildo and the Tranny Hunters DVD. Orly may have found her new home.

cheetojeebus January 6, 2012 at 6:52 am

I mentioned Dos Passos earlier, but this is more Carl Hiaasen.

Jukesgrrl January 8, 2012 at 10:44 pm

I'd go with Hiaasen.It's even too wacky for Elmore Leonard.

honkyboy January 6, 2012 at 4:14 am

Thank GOD! Please Please Please impeach this idiot before he destroys Our country beyond repair! Spend! Spend! Spend! Spend!

Monsieur_Grumpe January 6, 2012 at 8:42 am

I think this song was written about Ms Taitz.
http://www.tsrocks.com/b/blue_oyster_cult_texts/s

actor212 January 6, 2012 at 11:54 am

According that old painting of hers, she has nice Taitz.

owhatever January 6, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Who, oh who, will receive the coveted endorsement of Oily Titz for president?

outragedcitizen January 6, 2012 at 1:56 pm

Is that Santorum on her Oily Taint?

oldmayfly January 6, 2012 at 5:37 pm

Diebold decides all elections in Georgia. And Diebold never votes for Obama to win.

ttommyunger January 7, 2012 at 8:17 am

Bear in mind this was a Georgia Courtroom, where many still have spittoons strategically placed on the floor.

Ducandy April 4, 2012 at 11:56 am

Politics is bullshit.

Loaded_Pants January 5, 2012 at 8:57 pm

I'm starting to like you, Insanity Santa.

Dr Ozark Hellbender January 5, 2012 at 10:49 pm

Like Walnuts on McCain!

Like Grift on a Snowbilly!

Like a dog on Mitt's station wagon!

Like assfucking on toast!

smokefillednewyear January 6, 2012 at 1:27 am

Magnetic exploding Don Knotts makes me lolz.

SudsMcKenzie January 6, 2012 at 2:14 am

I was thinking more Robert De Niro in Cape Fear, … but sure, Don Knotts.

Negropolis January 6, 2012 at 2:03 am

Like white (Palin) on (Glenn) Rice!

Like a Republican on a live boy!

prommie January 6, 2012 at 9:44 am

The incredible Mr. Limpet, come on!

Clancy_Pants January 6, 2012 at 11:58 am

I might disagree. The only way to stop a zombie IS the head. You need to shoot them in the head.

Biff January 7, 2012 at 12:53 pm

Thanks for reminding me, time for Santa to go back in the box.

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