oily tater tots strike again

Orly Taitz Scores Procedural Victory in Birther Lawsuit, America Is Saved

Hey we hear Herman Cain has a dating site she might like now?

Leading American source for legal humor Orly Taitz HAS HIT THE JACKPOT, AT LAST with a majorly awesome minor procedural win in a Georgia court, because a judge denied the Obama Administration’s request to dismiss whatever greasy piece of paper full of crayon streaks she filed lately on the grounds that Georgia election law allows any random-ass yahoo to “challenge the qualifications of a candidate” on any ballot. It is the equivalent of celebrating your acceptance letter to the University of Phoenix, BUT OH GAWD WE ARE SPOILING THE FUN ALREADY. Okay, okay. Let’s try to be calm about this and let our birther drag queen give her acceptance speech, right after the jump!

She has just won all of the golden dildos in all of History put together times a hundred according to this official “statement” from her website:


God is pleased to have helped, in this matter of banal state election codes written by humans who did not anticipate the annoying nonsense of out-of-state birther weirdos with too much time on their hands. Let’s be awful and check the fine print from Judge Michael Malihi’s order:

Both the Secretary of State and the electors of Georgia are granted the authority under the Code to challenge the qualifications of a candidate. The challenge procedures are defined in Code Section 21-2-5(b), which authorizes any elector who is eligible to vote for a candidate to challenge the qualifications of the candidate by filing a written complaint with the Secretary of State within two weeks after the deadline for qualifying. O.C.G.A. § 21-2-5(b).

Ah yes, “the electors of Georgia” is what we were referring to in that “random-ass yahoo” part earlier, since Taitz managed to locate a couple of them to sign on to her lawsuit in this state where she does not live and is not running for Senate. Ha ha, she’s running for Senate! That is a weird and True Thing about a deranged sociopath dentist named Orly Taitz.

Anyway, the real winner here is the United States, which is one judicial victory closer to that total state of Freedom known as “insanity.” GIVE THANKS, YOU CRETINS. [Columbia Ledger-Inquirer]

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  1. nounverb911

    Where is Taintz's birth certificate? Or at the very least her naturalization papers? Okay, I'll settle for her AKC papers.

    1. memzilla

      The confusion has to do with the legal definition of her "birth," i.e., when the succubus pooped out the egg, or when it hatched.

    2. C_R_Eature

      The "Jackalweasel" is not currently an AKC recognized breed. It is provisional in the Canadian Kennel Club, however.

          1. Dr Ozark Hellbender

            Like Walnuts on McCain!

            Like Grift on a Snowbilly!

            Like a dog on Mitt's station wagon!

            Like assfucking on toast!

    3. arihaya

      isn't all dog that enter USA have to be quarantined? especially someone from the commie state Soviet Union like her?

    4. Numbat_Dundee

      She was not born. Like Botticelli's Venus she was spat out of a sea shell. Only in her case the seafood was Tainted.

  2. memzilla

    I'll bet her court petition was written in all caps, too. But why did she have to go all the way to Jawjuh to file it? Was Alabama busy? Didn't Mississippi pick up the phone?

    1. Loaded_Pants

      TN would like to know why she never bothered with them. They would have loved to receive her crayon-stained paperwork.

    2. Guppy

      I'm torn between "Mississippi couldn't afford the phone bill this month" and "Mississippi isn't wired for telephone service yet."

  3. Wonderthing

    That's my dream wife you're slandering there. Consider yourself sued. In Georgia. You'll be served on Judgement Day, heathens.

    signed, Mr. Ron Known As( Wonderthing) Taitz

      1. DaRooster

        From time to time?!?
        How about every 3 seconds… and he should know there are far more diabolical fonts.

      2. Grief_Lessons

        Imagine it's 1810 and you're reading William Blake. He's got more rhythm than the Time Cube guy, but otherwise, probably looks just as nuts.

    1. Crank_Tango

      No kidding! I don't know what Barry is going to do without Georgia's electoral votes this time. Wait, what? He didn't win Georgia last time either?

      Irrelevancy Libel!!!

  4. nounverb911

    Good luck getting an appointment to see him.

    1. Katydid

      Isn't there something about a sitting president having immunity or some such and not having to testify?

      1. Terry

        I noticed a wee bit in the judge's order about her having to submit a written complaint within two weeks. That document should be a whole festival of crazy. I did NOT notice anything in the order about her being able to depose anyone she chooses at this point.

        1. BerkeleyBear

          Shh! Let the nice crazy lady have her moment, 'kay? With any luck, she'll wind up fucking up procedurally in Georgia (such as by trying to substitute cat poop for an actual legal challenge) and convince herself they are all in on the grand conspiracy against her quest for truth.

    2. OneDollarJuana

      Except that O just signed into law the Presidential power of locking up any damn person he feels like forever, without trial. Oh, wait. It doesn't appear to apply to US citizens or green card holders. But if O locks someone up and then states that they aren't a citizen or green card holder, but they can't get out of jail to get the proof, of citizenship, so, um, oh well.

      The squeaky wheel gets the small cell. Just sayin', Orly.

  5. Spurning Beer

    In the total state of freedom known as insanity, you give your bladder and bowels free rein. Don't let The Man tell you where you can and can't pee and poop.

  6. Lazy Media

    In my Michael Bay film, she WINS and gets Obama off the ballot in Georgia…until he sends in federal marshals backed by tanks. Starring Julia Roberts as Orly Taitz.

    1. Spurning Beer

      In a world where the White House is home to an African half-breed with fakey-looking birth documentation, one woman stands between the truth and heavily-accented gibberish….

    2. BZ1

      I'd go for Juliette Lewis as the Taintz (remember she can play absolute crazy, as in Natural Born Killers) with Woody Harrelson as the Judge!

      1. flamingpdog

        I'm thinking Victoria Jackson as Orly. She can't act much, but then she doesn't have to act crazy.

        1. Geminisunmars

          They do look as though they were separated at birth. Hey, let's demand to see their birth certificiates.

      1. Negropolis

        Streep, definitely Streep. She can play anyone. Oh, no. I changed my mind. a Fatal Attraction-minded Glenn Close.

  7. Sue4466


    As a non-dentist lawyer maybe I'm not qualified to say, but I don't think this order means what she thinks it means.

    1. Loaded_Pants

      I always thought that santorum was always on the bottom. I have been proven wrong, it seems.

      1. user-of-owls

        Honest to Orly, the headline in yesterday's Arkansas Democratic Gazette was, "Romney, Santorum Tops in Iowa."

        You know things are bad when even Arkansas editors are snickering at you.

    1. Steverino247

      And you know what she says if you give "worm sign" that you're going to cum first:


  8. flamingpdog

    Attempts to reach Obama’s Atlanta attorney Michael Jablonski Wednesday were unsuccessful.

    Michael Jablonski? Sorry, but this sounds like a case for Heywood Jablowmi, Esq.

        1. Loaded_Pants

          I turn in my comedy nerd card. I thought it was it was name of the law office that represented the interests of Larry, Curly, and Moe.

    1. Blueb4sunrise

      Unrelated Jablonski story …..vaguely remembered some Jablonski from the olden days…..

      Joseph Albert "Jock" Yablonski (March 3, 1910 – December 31, 1969) was an American labor leader in the United Mine Workers in the 1950s and 1960s. He was murdered in 1969 by killers hired by a union political opponent, Mine Workers president W. A. Boyle. His death led to significant reforms in the union.


  9. Callyson

    Oh, but we do give thanks…Thanks, God, for keeping the wingnuts on the right in the news cycle, when the Mittens Machine is trying its darndest to silence them so that they can get a candidate whose tax cuts for the wealthy will bankrupt the economy.

    1. MilwaukeeKent

      Best thing Ronald Reagan ever said, "Our problem is our right hand doesn't know what our far-right hand is doing". May they keep spinning farther out into the ether.

  10. Harry_S_Truman

    And so, the slow-motion trainwreck named Orly Taitz continues down the track. Thank goodness. Things were getting so dull now that the excitement of Santorum's "come from behind" finish in Iowa is over.

  11. Callyson

    Ha ha, she’s running for Senate!
    Senator Feinstein, pipe down and attempt to compose yourself. At least in public.

  12. BigDumbRedDog

    This bitch is amazing for the simple fact that she makes Michele Bachman look sane in comparison. And Palin looks like a freakin supermodel bionic genious Nobel prize winner next to this dumb skank.

  13. rickmaci

    Ms. Taitz. "…What you have just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul. "


  14. memzilla

    O/T, but: Tomorrow 10:20 AM live on CSPAN, Newt Gingrich "takes your calls." Remember to keep it G-rated at first for the nice call-screening lady, and that CSPAN uses a 5 second delay.

    1. Loaded_Pants

      So I can't call in to ask: "Which female campaign worker have you been trying to bang and will make your 6th wife?"

  15. qwerty42

    Teh Krazy shows up in some of the comments at the site, but (oddly) not as much as I'd expected. However, I don't want to get too far into those — a little bit goes a long way.

  16. BigDumbRedDog

    Wait. Is she doing this to keep Obama off the ballot in Georgia? Cause I'm pretty sure he's not gonna win that hell-hole of a state and doesn't need to anyway. In fact, i'll bet my big hairy red ass that he doesnt. Or is she just doing this to be a stupid annoying cunt?

    1. Negropolis

      It's funny, because polls have shown Obama running surprisingly competitive in Georgia this time around. Who knows what happens come election day, but with changing demographics, Georgia and Arizona are surprisingly becoming the new Virginia and North Carolina. It's one of those maddening things that Dems don't come out for state and mid-term elections, but will come out for presidential elections if you round enough of them up.

      1. Chichikovovich

        In connection with your last sentence, it's interesting to note that Republicans have a similar view: Democrats won't come out for presidential elections if you round enough of them up.

      1. MzNicky

        Hey! I already said I was sorry on behalf of the whole fucking state! Not the first time either. Nor the last.

  17. Lucidamente1

    I've always wondered about her dental practice. She wouldn't happen to have a Dr. Christian Szell as a partner, would she?

  18. edgydrifter

    If I ever looked up from a dentist's chair and saw Dr. Taint hovering over me with a drill in her hand, I would just save myself the time and money by knocking out all my teeth with a framing hammer.

    1. qwerty42

      Demographics are shifting in Georgia. In 2008, Obama rec'd 47% of the popular vote to McCain's 52%. It is unlikely to be a swing state in 2012 (if it were, it would suggest a significant collapse of the Republicans — probably all over the country), but it seems on a course to become one within 10 years or so. Texas is a more interesting case; it is well on the way to becoming "majority minority" within a generation, maybe less. Which may account for Rick Perry not being as venomous on immigration as others. OTOH, I don't see much change for Mississippi or Alabama (or Oklahoma) anytime soon, but I have not seen too much on them. In general, the sunbelt seems to be shifting; retirees come in, but so do younger folks. Who have children.

      1. MilwaukeeKent

        Much of the country is actually running out of old white bigots, maybe in a decade. To see where they're going, pick up any newspaper, if you still have one, and turn to the obits. There goeth the AM talk radio audience too (with four years added for a second Obama term).

  19. weejee

    the equivalent of celebrating your acceptance letter to the University of Phoenix

    Jesus, Maria, y Jose that cretin Oily Twatz got her lawz degree from Taft Law School – an on-line shamskool that is not accredited with the Cal State Bar. That place takes a serious backseat to Fundamentally Oral Roberts Yew where She1ey got her JD.

    Math-wise this is Avocado's Number: (fuck all)^23 at a minimum. If you had an infinite number of Doritos and an infinite number bowls of guacamole you'd have the living room couches of Teatard America plus a little leftovers. We are so fucked, too, also.

    1. Chichikovovich

      I think I saw one of their ads.
      Are you so heavy you can't get out of your bathtub to go to class? Then the online Taft Law School is looking for you!"

    2. bagofmice

      Only if it's been Boyle'd. Otherwise it might be infectious. Extra points for hitting the molar.

    3. littlebigdaddy

      Do you think teatards eat Messican guacamole? I alway imagined them putting that spray cheese stuff on their doritos.

    4. Terry

      She got her dentistry degree in Israel, per wikipedia, but there's no mention that she practiced dentistry in the US (or Israel for that matter).

  20. smokefillednewyear

    The video cassette is in a format, that I can’t play or upload on you-tube channel. If someone knows, how to convert it, let me know, I will post it. I think, it is called Sony DVCAM 94 Advanced ME.

    Sounds like, Orly needs a shitty IT certificate, and maybe some, English courses, to go w/ her Lawyer-Dentist Degree, or whateverthefuck, it is.

    1. Dudleydidwrong

      "…how to convert it…?" Shit. Call Mitt. All those Mormons are always at the door trying to convert something. Maybe they could do something like this.

  21. Antispandex

    Oily Taints has just managed to defer her disappointment until a later date. Don't tell her though, it will only make her sad…sooner. Besides, it's always fun to watch the eventual "we came this far, only to be refused our victory by an activist court" speech.

  22. Schmannnity

    Not a problem. Obama can time travel via Mars and filibuster against this Judge's appointment while a Senator. Hell, while he's at it, he could put the Shroud of Turin next to his "birth certificate" in Hawaii.

  23. SorosBot

    Do do do do do; just lookin' through the Model Rules of Professional Conduct for lawyers.

    Rule 3.1 Meritorious Claims And Contentions

    A lawyer shall not bring or defend a proceeding, or assert or controvert an issue therein, unless there is a basis in law and fact for doing so that is not frivolous, which includes a good faith argument for an extension, modification or reversal of existing law. A lawyer for the defendant in a criminal proceeding, or the respondent in a proceeding that could result in incarceration, may nevertheless so defend the proceeding as to require that every element of the case be established.

    Rule 3.3 Candor Toward The Tribunal

    (a) A lawyer shall not knowingly:

    (1) make a false statement of fact or law to a tribunal or fail to correct a false statement of material fact or law previously made to the tribunal by the lawyer;

    1. HistoriCat

      Oh come on – she knows in her heart the truth that is truthier than the truth based on facts! She's the very epitome of truthiness.

  24. Tundra Grifter

    "It is the equivalent of celebrating your acceptance letter to the University of Phoenix…"

    The phone books are here! The phone books are here!

    – You're on a roll today, Kirsten!

  25. pinkocommi

    "whatever greasy piece of paper full of crayon streaks she filed lately "

    Funny. I would have taken her for the write-in-her-own-blood kind of crazy.

    1. memzilla

      Now that I think about it, we've never seen them both in the same room at the same time, have we?

  26. Gleem_McShineys

    That procedural victory was hotter, hornier, wetter, tighter than any procedures I've ever met.

  27. JackObin

    Orly Taitz? Is that a person's name or a venereal disease? "Doctor, my Orly Taitz is itching".

  28. Dr Ozark Hellbender

    I was going to label this OT, but maybe it isn't: There's an intense captive breeding effort underway to restore the wild population of the Ozark hellbender salamander, an enormous amphibian colloquially known as the "snot otter."

    I would like to nominate "Snot Otter" as the official Wonkette nickname for Ms. Taitz.

      1. bagofmice

        Hard to argue with that. Dub-bluegrass metal?

        Google seems to indicate that this a genre ripe for exploration.

      2. Dr Ozark Hellbender

        Sadly, the whole thing is over the character limit for nyms here, but I sorta like the way "Dr Ozark Hellbender" sounds… sort of a "Rufus T Firefly" vibe to it.

    1. C_R_Eature

      Upon further consideration, Doc, the one issue I have with developing this meme is associating a highly specialized lovely creature of noble purpose with Orly Taitz.

    2. LesBontemps

      Snot Otter is a fine name, but seems like it's more appropriate for that other species of Newt.

  29. WhatTheHeck

    If only she could have raised a continental army to march on Washington and oust the usurper, then she wouldn’t have needed any of those damn judges.

  30. Spurning Beer

    If Orly doesn't keep her professional lines distinct, after the deposition she's liable to try to get an appraisal and a set of bite-wing x-rays on Barack.

  31. Sharkey

    A slightly previous version of myself would decry the pointlessness of this post and the fairly unreasonable use of the G word, as well as the warrantless injection of religion into a primarily political and legal based article, following a well-established pattern of barely-readable and unfunny blog posts on this site written by Kirsten.

    But I have Progressed! Instead I will merely suggest that Liz Colville should be Kirsten's editor. I know Kirsten will never read this – she apparently never reads any of the comments here (or any of the other posts here). But Liz – seriously – you are much better than her.

    That is my stance and my point, I think, as the alcohol and whatnot kick in.

    1. Spurning Beer

      I find Kirsten's posts witty and incisive, and feel that her absence from the comments sandbox enhances her smoldering mystique. But then I haven't been drinking.

      1. BS4Dummies

        Kirsten, smoldering? I must put on my flame retardant underware before panties spontaneously combust. Kirsten's hottttt.

    2. imissopus

      I'm sure if Kirsten had read all your posts on this subject she would have resigned in abject disgrace by now.

      Kirsten, if you are reading this, good news! An anonymous blog commenter has some writing tips for you!

    3. Negropolis

      Can I be honest? This was completely unnecessary, rude and classless. You will so regret this when you return, today, and hopefully you delete it.

    4. Fukui_sanYesOta

      I realize if I feel the need to complain every time she posts something I don't like, I should just go to another site, or ignore her.

      Heal thyself.

      Dick move all the way.

  32. Chichikovovich

    After this triumph, ESPN commentators will start calling her "The Tim Tebow of the law".

      1. Chichikovovich

        You make a compelling point, but maybe there is a middle way. Say, we have a shooting outdoors at some location, with a big crowd behind the broadcast set. (Like on College Gameday or some such.) The regular ESPN commentators call her "The Tim Tebow of the law" and then the crowd chimes in unison "SNOT OTTER!!!!".

  33. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    So, while God has abandoned Michele Bachman, Rick Perry and Tim Teabow, he has taken up with Ms. Taitz? S/He does move in mysterious ways.

    1. SorosBot

      Until she loses at the full hearing anyway. He's teasing her, like he did with Perry and Bachmann with their brief leads, and Teabow with his narrow wins over bad teams.

      1. user-of-owls

        So in other words, she'll either throw a lot of incomplete passes, be forced to drop out of a primary race or have her state burned to the ground. I like it!

  34. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    So, for the counsel that haunts this site, I assume this was a 12(b) motion (or whatever the Georgia equivalent is). So, Next move, file for SJ, place a copy of Obama's long form birth certificate on the record, and force Ms. Taitz to explain to the court how that doesn't solve everything and/or what discovery she could possible have that would refute the public record?

  35. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Judge to D.A.: You know your fighting an uphill battle don't you? I mean, he did say that he looked at him crossways. This is Georgia, I mean we're still backwards in a lot of ways. I mean a LOT of ways.


  36. Bluestatelibel

    I love this bit from her Web site: "Judge Malihi, Deputy Chief judge of the Administrative court in GA, ruled, that Obama’s motion to dismiss is denied. He will have to stand trial and prove his eligibility for office."

    Yes, she will make Obama go on trial, along with all of those who voted for him – be afraid, be very afraid!

  37. Dashboard Buddha


    Except for that speech impediment of course.

  38. bumfug

    Wait, she can "DEPOSE OBAMA AND EVERYBODY ELSE INVOLVED WITHOUT ANY IMPEDIMENT"? What about the impediment of Obama telling her to go fuck herself?

  39. johnnyzhivago

    I thought Obama was from Venus – you have to figure they put their birth certificates on some kind of futuristic paper and maybe even spell all the words in Venusian???

    1. HistoriCat

      It's OK, DARPA has a Venusian to English translator that works – assuming anyone has %^ size batteries that is.

  40. mavenmaven

    Oh no, not again. This is like a bad acid flashback. What next, Herman Cain will launch a new website to promote 999?

    1. ProgressiveInga

      And MSNBC announced that my imaginary GF Melissa Harris-Perry is replacing the vapid Alex Witt on Saturdays and Sundays. ♥

        1. mayor_quimby

          You are not alone, Tamron is midday nuclear wank fuel, even when I'm not in the mood. Good thing I have a mostly fulltime job.

    2. C_R_Eature

      I'm curious…does Rachel read Wonkette for the sage political commentary, the cutting edge societal analysis or for the Dick/Twat/Santorum Jokes? All of the above?
      'Cos I just get the magazine for the , uh, articles. Yeah, that's right.

  41. user-of-owls

    Judge Michael Malihi obviously missed class in law school the day they covered, "You'll Only Encourage Them" precedent.

  42. Negropolis

    Ah, yes, procedural victories; these are the best kind of victories. Aren't these fuckers always screaming "tort reform"?

    Needz moar hair bleach.

    1. FakaktaSouth

      Come on now, that's just for job-creator-ing, regulation-obliterating, you can't sue just cause we poisoned your water that catches fire and now you have cancer tort reform, silly.

  43. OneDollarJuana

    You know, one thing I think we keep forgetting about Ms. Taitz is that she is a dentist. That means she has actually had her hands buried in someone's mouth.

    1. flamingpdog

      I wonder if she hears radio broadcasts from God coming out of her patients' teeth, or just her own?

    2. MissTaken

      According to her very modern and high tech website, her practice is called Appealing Dentistry. Haha, get it? Because she files shitloads of crap appeals in court.

      She's a funny one, that Orly.

    1. Fukui_sanYesOta

      Two Milwaukee County officials appointed by Scott Walker when he was county executive were charged Thursday with embezzling more than $60,000 intended for veterans and their families, instead using the stolen funds on everything from Caribbean cruises to wedding expenses to renewing Walker-for-governor websites.

      Ho ho! Well, it'd be funny if it wasn't just what we expect from anything related to Walker.

  44. ProgressiveInga

    If I'm livin' with Melissa, there ain't gonna be much conversatin' if you know what I mean and I think you do!

  45. Joshua Norton

    Of all the right-wing lawyers in history who tried to bring down Dem. presidents, Ms. Oily Taintz thinks she's going to be the one to do it? Even after the wing-nut SCOTUS told her to fuck off?

    With that sociopathic depth of denial, she should be running for the 2012 repug presidential candidate.

  46. poorgradstudent

    I hope she stays around in the public eye forever! The name alone is a perpetual joke-producing engine:

    "Man, I knew I should have spent more money on finding a prostitute, 'cause I got a mean case of Orly Tainz!"

  47. Chet Kincaid

    Georgia already has experience with this sort of thing. Those who wish to vote for Obama need simply go to the side entrance of their polling place and ask for the Colored Ballot.

  48. Jukesgrrl

    Please keep in mind Georgia is the place that produced the insurrectionist gun nut with the remote-controlled pink dildo and the Tranny Hunters DVD. Orly may have found her new home.

  49. honkyboy

    Thank GOD! Please Please Please impeach this idiot before he destroys Our country beyond repair! Spend! Spend! Spend! Spend!

  50. ttommyunger

    Bear in mind this was a Georgia Courtroom, where many still have spittoons strategically placed on the floor.

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