GIFZETTE DAILY BRIEFING  9:44 am January 5, 2012

Republicans Outraged that Obama is Obstructing their Obstruction

by Matt Langer

NICE GPOY BRONEW YORK—Ok, picture it: the President has brought an appointment before the Senate for approval. And it’s a curious appointment! Because it’s a nominee who actually fundamentally does not quite like the department he’s supposed to be heading. In fact, he doesn’t even think it should exist! Which is kind of odd, right? Since you’d think the President’s choice of who should head up any given department would at the very least be someone who’s actually, oh, idk, emotionally invested in the job?

Right, good. So now: try to imagine a scenario in which a principled minority in the Senate had a problem with this. And rightfully so! Because it’s actually not at all unfair for this principled minority to believe that maybe—just maybe??—whoever’s going to be doing this job should have at least some modicum of interest in seeing that job still be there a week or a month or a year from now. Which he doesn’t! So they filibuster him, his nomination never comes to a floor vote, and the President bypasses the filibuster with a recess appointment. And then this principled minority freaks out!! Again: and rightfully so!

So yeah, that’s actually not at all what happened this week? That story’s from 2005! You remember, that’s what happened when George Bush nominated John Bolton to the post of UN Ambassador. Because Josh Bolton, you’ll also remember, was someone who didn’t even think the United Nations should exist!

No, what happened yesterday, as Ken Layne covered, was that the President pushed through a handful of nominees (read: four) to fill posts to bypass Republican opposition—an opposition not to the nominees themselves but to posts that they themselves had helped create.

An ironic twist, no? Seven years ago Republicans wanted to push through the nomination of a man who thought his job shouldn’t even exist, and today Republicans are trying to block someone’s nomination because they think his job shouldn’t even exist.

Anyway, we just thought it would be wise to keep this all in mind while reading story after story after story—since this is all you’ll be hearing about for the next three weeks aside from nonstop campaign coverage, seeing as Congress is out of session and all—suggesting this shamefully false equivalence that what Obama’s doing with Richard Cordray and his three appointments to the National Labor Relations Board is in any way even remotely similar to what Bush did with Bolton.

In the end, we’re with the Times editorial board on this:

Announcing the appointments, Mr. Obama also asserted a welcome new credo: “When Congress refuses to act, and as a result, hurts our economy and puts our people at risk, then I have an obligation as president to do what I can without them.”
Hear. Hear.

Anyway, now that Rick Santorum has finally surged (HEE HEE!), securing a big come from behind (LOL!) tie in Iowa, he must be feeling on top (ROFL!!) of the world. And now we all have to endure at least a week of every person with the capacity to say anything on the internet whatsoever taking the opportunity to make highly original after highly original joke about Santorum’s Google problem! Which will get old real fast (if it hasn’t already) (which it has!!). Luckily, as Mother Jones reminds us, there’s an easy solution to all of this: Rick Santorum can just pay $5 million to Freedom to Marry, and Dan Savage will make it all go away.

Oh so this is going to be good: Republicans are trying to start a right wing version of the Center for American Progress, imaginatively called the Center for American Freedom. Ben Smith calls it “a media-monitoring shop that aims to do to MSNBC what Media Matters has done to Fox News.” We expect it to be positively hilarious watching Republicans grapple with fact-based rebuttals. It should be as good as the Conservapedia. Or (LOL!) that conservative translation of the Bible.

Herman Cain promised us when he withdrew exactly one month ago that he was “not going to be silenced” and he was “not going away.” And here’s a politician who keeps his promises—because he’s back! Ol’ Herm’s going to be setting out on what he calls the “Cain’s Solutions Revolutions,” a renewed publicity tour for his “9-9-9″ plan. We really enjoyed this exchange from last night on FOX:

“I started a new movement. The biggest comment I got when I ended my candidacy was to keep 9-9-9 alive. That’s what this is about, and I’m going to keep it alive with what I’m calling Cain’s Solutions Revolution,” Cain said.
“You have a bus,” Hannity interjected.
“Yes, sir. I have a bus with my picture on it.”

Meanwhile, we can’t even begin to fathom how much popcorn we’ve enjoyed at the expense of Keith Olbermann’s career over the years, watching the left’s favorite ego piss of employer after employer, but what we do know is that apparently we need to get to popping some more—and fast!—because apparently homeboy’s been starting fights with the nice folks at CurrentTV who very kindly took him in after he pissed off his last boss. We desperately want to follow this story closer but don’t actually know where to find Current on the dial, so oh well.

Anyway, let’s end the morning briefing with some good news, shall we? Gov. Christine Gregoire announced yesterday that she’ll be introducing a bill to legalize gay marriage in the state of Washington. Which is nice! Now let’s all move to northern coastal states (if we haven’t already).

[READ MORE AT THE GIFZETTE]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 223 comments }

Barb January 5, 2012 at 9:48 am

Cain as a bus with his picture on it? Does he have to sit at the back of the bus to see it? Is it stacked with his books, Sharpie markers and ones and fives so that he can make change for people?

Chillwaver January 5, 2012 at 9:57 am

That's not what the ones and fives are for.

Terry January 5, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Old pizza boxes, too.

Donner, Party of 1 January 5, 2012 at 9:49 am

Morning Ralph.

*clocks in*

jus_wonderin January 5, 2012 at 10:05 am

NORM!!!!

DaRooster January 5, 2012 at 10:29 am

Mornin' Fred.

* clocks out *

Donner, Party of 1 January 5, 2012 at 9:51 am

No way Herman Cain was letting the Bang Bus go.

prommie January 5, 2012 at 9:51 am

Cain needs some grammar solutions.

MittsHairHelmet January 5, 2012 at 9:52 am

Of course we're in the northern coastal states, we're Wonkette readers.

vulpes82 January 5, 2012 at 11:13 am

Except for poor DustBowl. We really should take up a collection for her. No coasts in sight!

tessiee January 5, 2012 at 12:57 pm

faintly, from the back of the crowd, a la "Life of Brian"
I'm not!

Isyaignert January 5, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Also, too, the blue northern coastal states financially carry the sorry butts of the sukky red states. You're welcome, @ssholes!

Nothingisamiss January 5, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Don't forget the few, the proud, the wonketteers who daily slog through southern climates with fox news chatering ever on in the background of every workplace, mechanics shop and bank.

Silent tears of relief slip down my face at the oasis that I find here.

PalinzADummy January 6, 2012 at 12:38 am

(Hugs Nothingisamiss) You come sit with me and we'll stick pins in voodoo dolls of Newtie, hon. (waves to all the other non-northern noncoastal Wonketteers)

PalinzADummy January 6, 2012 at 12:36 am

Not all of us. I count at least 1 from TN, ~5 from TX, 2 from OK, a few from SC, and I b'leev we even have one from AL. I know we have at least 1 from FL.

bureaucrap January 5, 2012 at 9:52 am

A *BUS* with Cain's picture on it — making stops at Nowheresville, heartbreak hotel, dumbshit drive, with a final destination of complete obscurity. All aboard!!!

Barb January 5, 2012 at 9:53 am

That's "all broads aboard"

horsedreamer_1 January 6, 2012 at 7:23 pm

Hermie's BangBus?

Spurning Beer January 5, 2012 at 10:02 am

And no fat chicks.

prommie January 5, 2012 at 10:14 am

Why not?

Spurning Beer January 5, 2012 at 10:42 am

Their bulk makes it difficult to force their heads crotchward.

prommie January 5, 2012 at 11:52 am

But you don't NEED to push. They want the job.

deanbooth January 5, 2012 at 10:56 am

"Last stop, Niggerhead!" Where black Republican politicians retire.

MaxNeanderthal January 5, 2012 at 11:08 am

I thought that was "Oblignigi-nigi-nigi-nigi-stan?"

CapeClod January 5, 2012 at 9:52 am

Outrage is the only thing maufactured in this country anymore.

DaRooster January 5, 2012 at 10:54 am

Finally… something the Job Creators can get right.

tessiee January 5, 2012 at 12:58 pm

And not a whole lot of that.

Steverino247 January 5, 2012 at 9:53 am

It would appear that it takes three years to piss off the President to the point where he acts decisively on a matter involving congressional inaction. Good to know.

LesBontemps January 5, 2012 at 10:51 am

Election is coming — look busy!

BaldarTFlagass January 5, 2012 at 9:53 am

"Republicans are trying to start a right wing version of the Center for American Progress"

this kind of shit always ends well.

SorosBot January 5, 2012 at 10:09 am

It'll be as successful as Fox's alternative to the Daily Show! That one lasted two episodes.

Fare la Volpe January 5, 2012 at 10:33 am

And they had such winning jokes like "Barack Obama has so much education, you guys! So much education it's hilarious!"

Oh, and that one where they joked about male sexual harassment. Because you guys, men can't be victims! They don't have vaginas.

NorthStarSpanx January 5, 2012 at 10:49 am

Too bad it didn't live to the day they could mock the Sandusky scandal and the makers of the Santorum Salad.

It's especially hilarious when it involves Boys to Men (not the band.)

Ducksworthy January 5, 2012 at 11:43 am

Thanks. I'd forgotten how ugly that was. It was misnamed however. The 2 minute news hour would have been more appropriate, 2 minutes of somewhat entertaining stupidity and 58 minutes of hideous dreck.

PalinzADummy January 6, 2012 at 12:42 am

Which ends up keeping men from reporting *real* abuse and even rape, of course, thankyew fucking troglodytes.

Terry January 5, 2012 at 12:17 pm

That's because conservatives are rarely *intentionally* funny.

freakishlywrong January 5, 2012 at 10:50 am

They have their own fucking fake 27/7 "news" outlet to trash the President. What more do they need?

Donner, Party of 1 January 5, 2012 at 10:53 am

Certainly not more time in the day.

MaxNeanderthal January 5, 2012 at 11:09 am

Is that the one that's on air 115% of the time?

tessiee January 5, 2012 at 1:00 pm

Because we all know that wealthy, Christian, middle-aged white males are the most oppressed group in all of human history, ever.

Nothingisamiss January 5, 2012 at 1:29 pm

I oppressed one myself, last night.

SorosBot January 5, 2012 at 9:54 am

Um, "Center For American Freedom"? Since it's set up by the right wing, shouldn't it be "Center Against American Freedom"?

Captain_Quark January 5, 2012 at 10:12 am

Get with the program. In the argot of Republicanism, "freedom" means "inequality". So it's the "Center for American Inequality" for those of us who speak English.

cheetojeebus January 5, 2012 at 10:15 am

Renglish

Fare la Volpe January 5, 2012 at 10:44 am

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

It's an oldie, but it always bears repeating.

Chichikovovich January 5, 2012 at 11:46 am

It's good that Orwell never lived to see how history outran even his own bleak vision of the slogans the future held, with gems like
BLACKS ARE THE REAL RACISTS
CHARITY IS OPPRESSION
SUPPRESSING VOTERS IS SAVING DEMOCRACY

tessiee January 5, 2012 at 1:03 pm

"In the argot of Republicanism, "freedom" means "inequality".

??
I thought "freedom" was Republican for "taking away other people's freedom".

tessiee January 5, 2012 at 1:02 pm

If it's supposed to be the counterpart of The Center for American Progress, it should be The Center for American Regression — but big words are for commies and libtards.

GeorgiaBurning January 5, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Not to be confused with the American Freedom Center or the Center for Freedom in America, unless you're dim and sending a check.

Nothingisamiss January 5, 2012 at 1:33 pm

"Center for the Freedoms We Allow"

"Center for Early American Freedoms"

"Center for Circle Jerking about Pretend American Freedoms"

paris biltong January 5, 2012 at 9:55 am

New Hampshire is a northernish coastalish state, isn't it?

Terry January 5, 2012 at 12:19 pm

New Hampshire's coastline is 18 miles long, the shortest of any coastal state. I vote that they don't count as coastal and henceforth be officially referred to in the way my Yankee father refers to them: "Goddamn ridge runners"

HELisforHEL January 5, 2012 at 1:13 pm

Cow Hampshire, as my long-distance truck driving buddies called it back when I worked in a shipping department. Ahhh, the good old days, before the rise of Reagan and his parade of asshats & fanbois. Back when being a conservative meant you were a racist, selfish, blithering idiot.

Hmmm, some things haven't changed at all.

e_z January 5, 2012 at 9:56 am

Those 171 you mentioned. Totally different case entirely. They were constitutional. These are not. Why, you might ask.

Because, that's why.

The excuse every little snot nosed kid uses when caught in one of the 'gotcha' questions. Back hand the little weasels.

chicken_thief January 5, 2012 at 11:01 am

Because the other 171 weren't made by a KENYAN MOOSLIN OUT TO DESTROY AMERIKUH AND OUR WAY OF LIFE!!!

Mom, apple pie, and baseball – NEVER FURGIT!!!! And NASCAR, too. Also.

Ducksworthy January 5, 2012 at 11:45 am

Backhand the little weasels should be the tag line of the DNCC for 2012.

chicken_thief January 5, 2012 at 11:46 am

Eric Cantor libel!!!

tessiee January 5, 2012 at 1:04 pm

"Those 171 you mentioned. Totally different case entirely. They were constitutional. These are not. Why, you might ask."

*voice of Dr. Zoidberg*
Oh, right; the skin, the skin.

Chillwaver January 5, 2012 at 9:56 am

You know you else thought a tour bus was a good idea?

BaldarTFlagass January 5, 2012 at 10:03 am

The Beatles?

weejee January 5, 2012 at 10:07 am

Bull Connor?

jus_wonderin January 5, 2012 at 10:07 am

The Partridge Family?

Nothingisamiss January 5, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Hello, world, there's a song that we're singing….

hollywooddood January 5, 2012 at 10:09 am

Michael Bolton?

Captain_Quark January 5, 2012 at 10:10 am

Ken Kesey and the Greatful Dead?

Monsieur_Grumpe January 5, 2012 at 10:12 am

Otto Mann?

tessiee January 5, 2012 at 1:07 pm

"I failed the fourth grade two times, and now I *drive* the bus!"

Chillwaver January 5, 2012 at 10:12 am
tessiee January 5, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Too soon!

ManchuCandidate January 5, 2012 at 10:41 am

Buddy Holly

widestanceshakedown January 5, 2012 at 10:43 am

Oh, snap, you beat me to it.

jus_wonderin January 5, 2012 at 10:44 am

Jim Croce?

DaRooster January 5, 2012 at 10:57 am

Marshall University?

Chichikovovich January 5, 2012 at 11:47 am

What? No love for Richie Valens and the Big Bopper?

Spurning Beer January 5, 2012 at 10:42 am

Ralph Kramden?

Sandra Bullock?

paris biltong January 5, 2012 at 10:45 am

Greyhound?

Fare la Volpe January 5, 2012 at 10:45 am

Keanu Reeves?

BaldarTFlagass January 5, 2012 at 10:58 am

The Who?

I want it, I want it…

tessiee January 5, 2012 at 1:12 pm

I want it, I want it…

Ya can't have it!

chicken_thief January 5, 2012 at 11:03 am

The crew and passengers of the USS Minnow on subsequent vacations?

MaxNeanderthal January 5, 2012 at 11:11 am

Priscilla, Queen of the Desert?

Pres.Libunatic January 5, 2012 at 11:17 am

Lou Sarah?

Not_So_Much January 5, 2012 at 11:48 am

Majick skool bus?

Biff January 5, 2012 at 11:56 am

Stevie Ray Vaughan?

Tundra Grifter January 5, 2012 at 11:57 am

BB King!

Terry January 5, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Police officers along Interstate 10? They seem to get great enjoyment out of busting Willie Nelson for pot anytime he starts a road trip in his tour bus.

GOPCrusher January 5, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Half of Lynnrd Skynnrd?

HarryButtle January 5, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Clint Eastwood & Sondra Locke?

MosesInvests January 5, 2012 at 12:58 pm

Spinal Tap?

tessiee January 5, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Gloria Esteban?

PalinzADummy January 6, 2012 at 12:45 am

The North Koreans? Oh, wait, no, that was a rehabbed fishing boat.

kennymfg January 5, 2012 at 9:57 am

Josh Bolton?

LesBontemps January 5, 2012 at 10:24 am

I thought Josh as in Jest, since surely the appointment was a joke.

Sharkey January 5, 2012 at 10:28 am

I think he meant Josh Brolin.

Ayn Rand Paul Tard January 5, 2012 at 10:37 am

Bush lahked the way he tawked.

Not_So_Much January 5, 2012 at 11:49 am

Michael's even less-talented brother (but he has more Rogaine hair).

tessiee January 5, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Younger brother of John and Michael.
Neither has a ridiculous mustache nor a ridiculous mullet.
Does not go around in public saying idiotic things like, "There's no such thing as the United Nations".
Does not butcher classic songs from the greatest R&B era.
Understandably, keeps a low profile.

Barb January 5, 2012 at 9:57 am

Why is my comment deleted?
It SAID:
Pftttt, Bush made 171 recess appointments.

Spurning Beer January 5, 2012 at 10:09 am

This explanation was deleted by the administrator.

anniegetyerfun January 5, 2012 at 10:16 am

Is the site broken again? I only have the ability to reply to this comment, and Spurning's below it.

Spurning Beer January 5, 2012 at 10:19 am

Yes, it seems to be broken. But even a broken site is still correct twice a day!

johnnyzhivago January 5, 2012 at 10:33 am

The Webmaster's Song:

"A host is a host from coast to coast
And no one can talk to a host that's broke
Unless the host that isn't toast
Is Busy, Hung or Dead"

Barb January 5, 2012 at 10:25 am

Yes, I had the thing where you have to fill in your email address a minute ago.

Ayn Rand Paul Tard January 5, 2012 at 10:34 am

Huh, you said bush.

Captain_Quark January 5, 2012 at 9:59 am

Giving voice to Republican outrage, Rick Santorum declared “This is not a time for us to shrink. This is a time for us to have bold colors, not pale pastels.” Non-shrinking bold colors? I expect the gay pride flag to be prominently featured at the Frothy One's rallies from here on out.

NorthStarSpanx January 5, 2012 at 10:50 am

Now is not the time anymore for sweater vests either.

Isyaignert January 5, 2012 at 1:16 pm

The Frothy One's kid was in a fukkin' sweater vest on the TeeVee the other day.

Sorry, but to me sweater vest = instant dork.

MaxNeanderthal January 5, 2012 at 11:12 am

He actually said that, without a shred of irony? Ya can't make this shit up, can you….?

reliefsinn January 5, 2012 at 11:48 am

Great, I am making one up now and bringing it, if I can crash the "College Convention" Santorum is addressing this afternoon.
Perhaps I will ask him why the Federal Government should disolve any marriages that do not meet his approval, and if he would like his own to be disolved because he offends a small group of inbred bigots.
Anything else?

GOPCrusher January 5, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Got to give pRick credit. He hates everyone. I had forgotten all about his "contraception is destroying America" comment until I saw it on Olbermann last night.

tessiee January 5, 2012 at 1:19 pm

"Rick Santorum declared “This is not a time for us to shrink. This is a time for us to have bold colors, not pale pastels"

How many shades of brown could there be?

FlipOffResearch January 5, 2012 at 9:59 am

Gifzette: I think you meant John Bolton.

SorosBot January 5, 2012 at 10:10 am

I thought he meant Michael Bolton.

LesBontemps January 5, 2012 at 10:26 am

I thought he meant Josh Brolin.

Preferred Customer January 5, 2012 at 10:37 am

No, this is the tale of Tony Montana.

Pres.Libunatic January 5, 2012 at 11:18 am

That no-talent assclown.

GOPCrusher January 5, 2012 at 12:29 pm

I celebrate his entire collection.

Terry January 5, 2012 at 10:02 am

"Ol’ Herm’s going to be setting out on what he calls the “Cain’s Solutions Revolutions,” a renewed publicity tour for his “9-9-9″ plan."

Cain has two goals: to sell books and to meet babes.

NorthStarSpanx January 5, 2012 at 10:51 am

“You have a bus,” Hannity interjected.
“Yes, sir. I have a bus with my picture on it.”

The shrink-wrapped bus. Now the standard-bearer of wing-nut measure of success.

MaxNeanderthal January 5, 2012 at 11:13 am

"I have a bus, and I'm about to be thrown under it….."

paris biltong January 5, 2012 at 10:51 am

Many of us do.

jqheywood January 5, 2012 at 11:06 am

It looks just like a Telefunken U-47….

Donner, Party of 1 January 5, 2012 at 10:02 am

Matt, if you have DirecTV, Current is on channel 358. They have excellent OWS coverage.

Biff January 5, 2012 at 12:00 pm

215 on DISH.

weejee January 5, 2012 at 10:03 am

And last night beloved Rachel Maddow asked about vetting Mr. Family Values Senator Lubeandfecal about giving his good buddy former Senator John Ensign some serious head(s up) about the John Ensign sex scandal.

hollywooddood January 5, 2012 at 10:15 am

I love Republican family values. What are they?

Ducksworthy January 5, 2012 at 11:54 am

Google Santorum for an answer.

Biff January 5, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Doing my part to bring spreadingsantorum.com back to the top.

tessiee January 5, 2012 at 1:22 pm

For other people.

delaney_blom January 5, 2012 at 10:03 am

In paragraph 3, I think he means John Bolton, the man who made mustaches hip again.

Josh Bolton was confirmed by the Senate to be the OMB director, and he thinks the OMB should exist. However, he's not so sure about congressional oversight of the executive branch.

Monsieur_Grumpe January 5, 2012 at 10:04 am

I bet Cain's bus has a water bed, a dance floor with disco ball and a years supply of Courvoisier on tap.

BaldarTFlagass January 5, 2012 at 10:13 am

Upholstered in shag carpeting. "Love Machine" airbrushed on the side.

Monsieur_Grumpe January 5, 2012 at 10:21 am

Sweeeeeeeet!

LesBontemps January 5, 2012 at 10:26 am

He got his bus from James O'Keefe?

widestanceshakedown January 5, 2012 at 10:39 am

But by the time he runs it into the ground, it will be just a filthy blood-stained mattress held in place by used condoms.

jus_wonderin January 5, 2012 at 10:41 am

Don't come aknockin, if this bus is rockin'.

ThundercatHo January 5, 2012 at 10:57 am

Don't forget the stripper pole and pizza oven.

tessiee January 5, 2012 at 1:24 pm

*jealous*

BaldarTFlagass January 5, 2012 at 10:05 am

Spike Lee made a movie a while back about black guys on a bus.

Andre Braugher: You tell me what men who like women wouldn't want a little something on the side?

Spike must have known Herman back in the day.

Terry January 5, 2012 at 12:23 pm

I think that line may apply to men who like men as well. Let's just say "men" and move forward from there.

skoalrebel January 5, 2012 at 10:05 am

I thought it was Michael Bolton who didn't want his job to exist. [spit] Come to think of it, I don't think his job should exist, either.

kennymfg January 5, 2012 at 10:21 am

Thank god for Michael McDonald, though.

tessiee January 5, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Neither does anyone else.

Donner, Party of 1 January 5, 2012 at 10:12 am

I like how Santorum is fighting back the smears of his good name by talking about the sinfulness of non-procreative sex. This is like Ricky in the back seat saying "Lane, the car is not a toy. You must obey the proper speed limits."

NorthStarSpanx January 5, 2012 at 10:14 am

Oh good, the new cover of Runner's World is out.

Terry January 5, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Is your ex half term governor on the cover again?

VinnyThePooh January 5, 2012 at 10:19 am

“Yes, sir. I have a bus with my picture on it.”

Does Birmingham sound at all familiar, Hermie?

Pres.Libunatic January 5, 2012 at 10:20 am

Cain/Surging Santorum '16!

chicken_thief January 5, 2012 at 11:39 am

Lotta brown on that ticket….

ManchuCandidate January 5, 2012 at 10:22 am

So based on Cain!'s history, his tour bus will most definitely be a combination of Krieger's (from Archer) SS Date Rape Van creepiness and the Motley Crue Tour Bus skankiness.

BaldarTFlagass January 5, 2012 at 10:34 am

Upon entering the bus:

*sniff*

"Man, what's that smell?"

tessiee January 5, 2012 at 1:26 pm

And the "second-base-mobile" from The Simpsons.

Goonemeritus January 5, 2012 at 10:24 am

Sorry Herman I tried to buy black walnut ice cream yesterday and no one is carrying it anymore.

BaldarTFlagass January 5, 2012 at 10:25 am

“Cain’s Solutions Revolutions,” a renewed publicity tour for his “9-9-9″ plan."

Number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine
Number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine
Number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine
Number nine, number nine, number…

Cheeky bitch.

Lennon had better acid than Cain.

Goonemeritus January 5, 2012 at 10:30 am

Matt I think you need reread the Wonkette style book penned by Mr. Layne. I feel your spin on the administrations recess appointments could have been cast in a more wholly negative light.

Preferred Customer January 5, 2012 at 10:44 am

+1. Needs moar cynicism.

Please use the following, striking the clauses that are inapplicable:

This {obscure procedural tactic/fundamental violation of the Constitution} is {completely justified/absolutely unwarranted} because our objection to the alternative is based on {a principled set of beliefs/nothing more than a calculated effort to blow up decades of procedural process}.

Moreover, despite the superficial similarities to a prior circumstance where the roles were exactly reversed, our position here is wholly distinguishable from our position back then based on….LOOK! OVER THERE! THE PAULTARD BLIMP!

DaRooster January 5, 2012 at 10:33 am

So the whole "Less Government" thing does work… those guys should just stay gone.

MozakiBlocks January 5, 2012 at 10:35 am

Barry is always so nice when telling someone to "get stuffed". He ought to do it once a day just for giggles.

DaRooster January 5, 2012 at 10:36 am

"…I’m calling Cain’s Solutions Revolution…”

Does your "Solution" contain Santorum? Because that's just gross.

mrblifil January 5, 2012 at 10:37 am

John Bolton, the stache, Plato's Retreat…good times, good times. Also Bush Jr. made about eleventh-thousand recess appointments (actually 171) of evangelical types like Charles Pickering. And his dad fucking appointed a Sec State as recess appointment! Now there's balls, to skip over the advise and consent role of the Senate on the eve of pardoning a bunch of Iran-Contra baddies.

GOPCrusher January 5, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Speaking of staches, Teddy Roosevelt made 164 recess appointments in one afternoon.

BigDumbRedDog January 5, 2012 at 10:41 am

Herman Cain – “I started a new movement. The biggest comment I got when I ended my candidacy was to keep 9-9-9 alive. That’s what this is about, and I’m going to keep it alive with what I’m calling Cain’s Solutions Revolution,” Cain said.
“You have a bus,” Hannity interjected.
“Yes, sir. I have a bus with my picture on it.”

Phhht. I had a new movement this morning, but instead of taking mine on a bus tour I flushed it down the toilet like a normal person.

Terry January 5, 2012 at 12:25 pm

No, the biggest comment Cain got when he ended his candidacy was "Oh, you dog!"

Mumbletypeg January 5, 2012 at 10:41 am

From the HuffPo article on Conserv-A-Bowdlerized-Bible seminar:

Wordiness: preferring conciseness to the liberal style of high word-to-substance ratio; prefer concise, consistent use of the word "Lord" rather than "Jehovah" or "Yahweh" or "Lord God."

Shorter (and simpler, and less challenging to steer around daunting corners) is why they developed the Short Bus – - for you folks, right?

SayItWithWookies January 5, 2012 at 11:32 am

Oooh — El Shaddai's not gonna like that.

tessiee January 5, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Or as I like to call it, "The Bible so that even YOU can understand it".

DaRooster January 5, 2012 at 10:41 am

Good thing Herman has a bus… needs somewhere to sleep these days.

MzNicky January 5, 2012 at 10:48 am

Um, I have a question? If Mr. Cain is no longer a presidential candidate, how does he think his visionary "999" revolution occur? His mesmerizing personality and magic bus will somehow revamp the US tax code via strewn handfuls of pixie dust? Or what?

Mumbletypeg January 5, 2012 at 11:01 am

I was wondering the same.

I'm thinking Napoleon Dynamite had the right idea, though.

chicken_thief January 5, 2012 at 11:35 am

There's always the VP slot, where he can go in, guns ablazin Lou Sarah style and take over Congress.

BigDumbRedDog January 5, 2012 at 10:48 am

People shouldn't keep their fingers crossed for gay marriage to pass in Washington. Outside of the greater Seattle area its all a bunch a fuckin hillbillies. You go too far up into the mountains and they even start sounding southern. And don't even get me started on Eastern Washington. But maybe I'm just being pessimistic. I am looking forward to at least having the chance to undermine the foundation of marriage and family life for all of those persecuted Christians here in the Evergreen State. Just not looking forward to listening to the Mormon financed hate spew from the other side for the next year or so.

SorosBot January 5, 2012 at 10:59 am

But gay marriage already passed in Washington; the city council legalized it back in 2009.

BigDumbRedDog January 5, 2012 at 11:13 am

Dammit man, are you trying to piss me off?

SorosBot January 5, 2012 at 11:18 am

Just needling. But it can get confusing when people talk about Washington state and just say Washington, instead of Washington state, since when I hear just Washington without the qualifier I always think it's the city.

BigDumbRedDog January 5, 2012 at 11:24 am

We should all just call it D.C. It's shorter and you avoid potentially pissing off an entire state's worth of people.

Terry January 5, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Spokane is the only city in which I even paid for the city to break down and strand me in a rickety swing over a set of falls.

This was some years back, before they got high fallutin gondolas.

…and let me say that those falls aren't all THAT spectacular, especially after the first ten minutes of looking down on them.

tessiee January 5, 2012 at 1:32 pm

"I even paid for the city to break down and strand me in a rickety swing over a set of falls."

You paid for that? It sounds like something they'll MAKE me do when I go to Hell.

Terry January 5, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Much like a certain three hour tour, it started out as what appeared to be a bit of goofy tourist fun and ended up as extended hellishness.

walterhwhite January 5, 2012 at 1:22 pm

My fingers are crossed! Your description of Washington reminded me a little of Massachusetts. It's a reasonably liberal state, but with large pockets of white trash (especially on the South Shore), most of whom voted for Scott Brown (Sen.) because he drove a truck and is cute. Right off Rt. 2 in Belmont (I live in Arlington, the next town over) is a huge Mormon template. I feel a moral obligation to give the giant gilded image of the angel Moron the finger whenever I drive by.

Terry January 5, 2012 at 1:44 pm

You need to do something that can be seen by more people. Ever see a photo of the graffiti on a train bridge across the Beltway after the Mormon Temple was constructed?
http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/surrender-dor

PalinzADummy January 6, 2012 at 1:46 am

I thought the Morons were lying low on the issue ever since the Prop 8 debacle in CA? No?

DaRooster January 5, 2012 at 10:51 am

Conservative Translation of The 10 3 Commandments-
1- Honor Money
2- White is Right
3- And… uh… Oops… sorry.

BaldarTFlagass January 5, 2012 at 10:54 am

“Yes, sir. I have a bus with my picture on it.”

Got me beat. All I've got with my picture on it is a driver's license, passport, wanted poster, and military ID.

VaWyo January 5, 2012 at 10:55 am

I don't know exactly how the google machine works. Do we need to google Santorum's name a lot and go to the definition of it to ensure it stays at the top of the search results? Because I am willing to spend my lunch hour each day doing my part to see that he keeps his "google problem."

I used to think that sweater vests were kind of cute on guys in a nerdy kinda way. Now Santorum has ruined that.

Biff January 5, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Yes, that is exactly how we do it. Google "santorum" and click on the spreadingsantorum link, 2nd from the top right now, but we can do it…

DahBoner January 5, 2012 at 10:58 am

Stupid Republicans are like weeds.

AND BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA IS A JOHN DEERE MOWER…

BaldarTFlagass January 5, 2012 at 11:01 am

OT, but that reminds me of when my dad would threaten me to make sure I got some chore done, "You'd best get that shit finished, or your ass is grass, and I'm the lawn mower."

Baconzgood January 5, 2012 at 11:01 am

If I had a nickle for every time I said "yes sir I have a bus with my picture on it" I'd have almost 6 dollars.

Blueb4sunrise January 5, 2012 at 11:03 am

Top Stories currently on the Google News Aggregate Page. The First Link:

Santorum on the upswing in GOP race

The sidebar list :
Coeliac disease
Mitt Romney
Herpes simplex virus

chicken_thief January 5, 2012 at 11:07 am

“You have a bus,” Hannity interjected.
“Yes, sir. I have a bus with my picture on it.”

Then Cain, grabbing the back of Sean fat head, asked "well, you want to ride on it, doncha?"

BarackMyWorld January 5, 2012 at 11:09 am

And now we all have to endure at least a week of every person with the capacity to say anything on the internet whatsoever taking the opportunity to make highly original after highly original joke about Santorum's Google problem! Which will get old real fast (if it hasn't already) (which it has!!).

Y'all are on notice.

Blueb4sunrise January 5, 2012 at 11:21 am

We need a ' jokes that are too old' list.
Or is having a 'jokes that are too old list' also too old?

GOPCrusher January 5, 2012 at 12:41 pm

All of them, Katie.

Fuck.

jus_wonderin January 5, 2012 at 11:10 am

Another one rides the bus
Another one rides the bus
Another comes on and another comes on
Another one rides the bus
Hey, who's gonna sit by you
Another one rides the bus

donner_froh January 5, 2012 at 11:17 am

Strange–I also have a bus with Herman Cain's picture on it. Thought mine was unique.

BigDumbRedDog January 5, 2012 at 11:20 am

Seattle + Olympia + Bellingham = Walla Walla + Spokane + Yakima + Wenatchee + Vancouver + Longview/Kelso + Kennewick/Richland/Pasco + Aberdeen + Ellensburg + Moses Lake + Bellevue/Redmond/Kirkland/Issaquah/Bothell/Woodinville/Sammamish (rich asshole republicans, not hillbillies)

Math is hard

LesBontemps January 5, 2012 at 11:28 am

Math is hard

Hey, that was my line!

Swampgas_Man January 5, 2012 at 9:21 pm

Me father lives in Sequim– Pronounced "squim", which sounds even nastier than Santorum.

PalinzADummy January 6, 2012 at 1:48 am

It doesn't sound too much better when pronounced "See quim."

elviouslyqueer January 5, 2012 at 11:28 am

Matt, I am shocked, SHOCKED that in the midst of your recess appointment coverage, you utterly missed Mitt being an utter racist shitstain.

Chichikovovich January 5, 2012 at 11:40 am

I must be missing a dog-whistle. Mitt's being a standard issue Republican douchebag there, but I don't see what's racist about it.

Newt, on the other hand, has decided to drop the dog-whistles altogether and go full Lester Maddox. I wonder if he'll start handing out autographed ax handles:
http://www.thedailybeast.com/cheats/2012/01/05/gi

elviouslyqueer January 5, 2012 at 11:46 am

I don't blame you for not catching it, and therein lies its subtle appeal with Mitt et al. It's the "Chicago politics" dog-whistle that gained traction with Freepers after the whole Rev. Jeremiah Wright fandango. Any time GOPers toss out the words "Chicago" and "Obama," the implication is always "that uppity corrupt nigger."

Ducksworthy January 5, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Randy Newman nailed it with We're Rednecks, We're Redneck, Don't know our ass from a whole in the ground…….. etc. An' were keepin the N***ers" down." What he didn't say was how this forces them to ignore who's keepin' the Rednecks down.

tessiee January 5, 2012 at 1:37 pm

iirc, that song specifically refers to "the South Side of Chicago, and the West Side".

Chichikovovich January 5, 2012 at 11:29 am

Anyway, we just thought it would be wise to keep this all in mind while reading story after story after story—since this is all you’ll be hearing about for the next three weeks aside from nonstop campaign coverage, seeing as Congress is out of session and all—suggesting this shamefully false equivalence that what Obama’s doing with Richard Cordray and his three appointments to the National Labor Relations Board is in any way even remotely similar to what Bush did with Bolton.

I doubt very much that we'll see more than a small handful of such stories, and even then only in wonk-oriented magazines like Washington Monthly and the few remaining genuinely left wing magazines like the Nation. As far as the Sunday blather shows, the Op-Ed pages in major (or indeed any) newspapers, the fact that Bush made any recess appointments at all will be down the memory hole. And the fact that Bush did it 171 times will be mentioned less often than the genuine possibility that in the late days of Reagan's administration his handlers were covering up evident early signs of Alzheimer's.

How many times have you seen people who have made those dopey teleprompter jokes asked about their beloved Bush II's inarticulateness without one? How many times have you seen people complaining about "czars" asked about the fact that Bush had them by the baskets full without a peep from these self-styled constitutionalists? I could go on but geez, what's the point. You could list as many as I could, just as quickly.

Can you imagine what would happen if a major Obama adviser was subpoenaed by Congress in connection with the possibility that he/she had leaked the name of an undercover CIA agent to punish them for a partner revealing the evident fraudulence of a bit of purported evidence supporting a war that turned out to last eight years? And then the adviser just blew Congress off, and said "screw it, I'm not coming"? I am not snarking here: given what I've seen in the past three years, I expect that in these circumstances the House Republicans would launch the impeachment proceedings that they clearly are constantly salivating for, and there wouldn't be a peep from the "liberal media" about the fact that when Bush did exactly the same thing, those same people were all rushing to defend him.*

And imagine what would happen if, in the course of examining a minor, fanatically right-wing low level functionary who vetted all the jobs in a major department, it was let slip that the political appointees in that department took oaths to the President, rather than (say) the Constitution or the country? Every single episode of Hannity would open with video of German functionaries taking oaths to der Führer and never mind impeachment – right wingers would start hinting darkly about a military coup, and the real wackos like the Freepers and WorldNetDaily people would advocate it openly.

* [Qualification: if, on the off chance that someone did ask "Well, what about Karl Rove doing this?" there would be some prepared answer that talking point central would issue to everyone. It would point to some completely irrelevant difference and act as if it was the most important and fundamental distinction. "Well, you see, Rove's leak involved Niger, where we just have an embassy. This leak concerned things that happened in Brazil, where we have an embassy and also a few consulates." Everyone will proceed on the unspoken agreement that the idiocy of this answer is not ever to be remarked upon, or the answer itself followed up on, and it will be understood that the issue is settled.]

Geez, I'm off my oats this morning. Wrong day to quit inhaling paint thinner, it would appear.
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that I don't expect to be hearing much about the Bolton appointment any time soon.

GOPCrusher January 5, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Shorter:
Bush=white
Obama=black

tessiee January 5, 2012 at 1:39 pm

I don't disagree, but don't forget that these same people were up Clinton's ass every time he picked his nose at a stoplight, and Clinton was not only white, but Southern. I do think it's *worse* with The Black Guy, however.

Biff January 5, 2012 at 12:46 pm

John who?

tessiee January 5, 2012 at 1:38 pm

"the genuine possibility that in the late days of Reagan's administration his handlers were covering up evident early signs of Alzheimer's."

Just the late days?

Chichikovovich January 5, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Ah, I should have been clearer. By "late days of the Reagan administration" I meant the end of his stint as Governor of California. Or perhaps his last year as SAG president.

tessiee January 5, 2012 at 1:42 pm

"Everyone will proceed on the unspoken agreement that the idiocy of this answer is not ever to be remarked upon, or the answer itself followed up on, and it will be understood that the issue is settled."

Jeez, sometimes you're more depressing than Ken.
I just wish you were wrong.

PalinzADummy January 6, 2012 at 2:26 am

I'm half a day late to the party, but you need a hug, dood. ()

Maman January 5, 2012 at 11:39 am

I had just assumed that Current TV knew that eventually KO would act like a dick since that is his MO and that the CEOs had made their peace with it.

Tundra Grifter January 5, 2012 at 12:04 pm

Having a "pro-forma" session that does nothing but prevent the President of the United States from doing something is so typical of the GNoPee that it comes as no surprise the Congressional approval rating is less than 10%.

The biggest question is who in the world thinks Congress is doing a good job right through here?

There is an IRS rule that financial transactions must have a genuine underlying economic purpose – simply avoiding paying taxes isn't good enough to justify a particularly structure. That's what the US Senate has done with the pro forma sessions – they are form without substance, and Mr. Obama quite rightly called "Bullshit!" and moved on.

That's the Barack Obama we've been waiting for! WELCOME!

tessiee January 5, 2012 at 12:54 pm

"I’m going to keep it alive with what I’m calling Cain’s Solutions Revolution,” Cain said.
“You have a bus,” Hannity interjected.
“Yes, sir. I have a bus with my picture on it.”

*campaign worker pokes head through doorway*
"Mr. Cain? Sarah Palin in on LIne 2."

Chichikovovich January 5, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Hello, Michele? Sarah called! We're gettin' the band back together!

tessiee January 5, 2012 at 1:48 pm

"today Republicans are trying to block someone’s nomination because they think his job shouldn’t even exist."

And these are the same shitbags who complain that the President gets nothing done, right?

Callyson January 5, 2012 at 2:16 pm

I wish KO would get ahold of himself. "Worst Persons" is one of the funniest things on TV and I'd hate to lose it because he does not play well with others…

ttommyunger January 5, 2012 at 8:52 pm

Hannity and Cain: proving every day that assholes come in all colors.

chicken_thief January 5, 2012 at 11:42 am

The Boltons are a pain. Literally. I prefer the strap-ons.

tessiee January 5, 2012 at 1:31 pm

^^
^
They were originally going to call Washington State Columbia, like the Columbia River. the idea got rejected, because it was thought that that name would make people confuse it with the District of Columbia.

Terry January 5, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Do you think we're worried about pissing them off? Most of the people in that State don't have the sense to move to a place where it doesn't rain constantly.

PalinzADummy January 6, 2012 at 12:37 am

I'm movin' up there soon as y'all get it off the ground.

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