Settled in to roost in New Hampshire for the next week, Republican candidate Newt Gingrich was faced with some pretty zany questions Wednesday afternoon during a town hall meeting with his potential suitors. Talking health care, asteroid travel, and marijuana, faraway-galaxy-dwelling Gingrich was, as Observer reporter Paul Harris noted, “brought down to earth” by the relative far-outness of some of the audience members. One attendee asked for the candidate’s thoughts on legal homegrown pot, to which Gingrich harked back to his knowledge base, HISTORY, and dropped some knowledge (actually misinformation! love that history!) on how Founding Fathers Thomas Jefferson and George Washington would have felt about marijuana.
Said Newt:
“I think Jefferson or George Washington would have rather strongly discouraged you from growing marijuana, and their techniques of dealing with it would have been more violent.”
Really! Picturing a guillotine here. One would speculate that it was probably more lax back then, in the Time Before Science. Helpfully, the Straight Dope did a very thorough review of the matter back in 2009, and found that Washington and Jefferson attempted to farm the stuff, but more to make money (hemp being used for all kinds of things like socks and paper) than to medicate/try to enjoy life:
Both Washington and Jefferson tried growing hemp on their Virginia farms, with mixed success. Washington used some of what he grew to make hemp clothing worn by his slaves. However, U.S. hemp exported to Britain often was of such poor quality that it couldn’t be sold, and Washington was never able to turn a profit on the crop despite sustained effort. Jefferson also seems to have grown hemp strictly for local consumption, from which we deduce he couldn’t make money at it either. In short, not only were Washington and Jefferson marijuana farmers, they were unsuccessful marijuana farmers.
Booooring! [Washington Times, H/T Paul Harris]
{ 184 comments }
Gingrinch lied? Didn't just this morning Newt promised to tell the truth and nothing but the truth?
Remember the George Costanza rule: It's not a lie if you think it's true when you say it.
George also believed that all of his instincts were incorrect and that to be successful he should do the EXACT opposite of what his instincts told him to do. So. Let inform your opinion of the Newtster.
That's Condi's story about why Saddam failed to have WMDs.
He didn't lie. But, just like a lot of other Gingrichisms, he didn't know of the shit of which he speaks.
That was SO long ago!
I think he just promised to hate Romney even more than he did on Monday.
Hemp libel!
Libel libel !
What are the odds that the Constitution itself is written on paper made, at least in part, from hemp?
Too bad the local didn't ask Ole Newt about the Founding Fathers' views of "covering" their female slaves. I read Mandingo, so I think I know what I'm writing about here.
Jefferson didn't seem to have a problem with it, neither did Strom Thurmond.
I think it depends on what they were covering them *with.* Clearly, Washington was doing it with hemp. So to speak.
Newt must have been stoned out of his fucking mind to think that Washington and Jefferson would have disapproved of growing pot….
Today we are all unsuccessful marijuana farmers
Today and every day, *sob.*
There, there. (passes the spliff)
I'm quite the successful marijuana consumer, though, so I have that going for me, at least.
JERB CREATOR!!!
HERB CREATOR!
Down in Appalachia 100 years ago, the hemp/pot plant was commonly called, "Everlasting Life". I have no idea why, but I like it.
Those Appalachians knew whereof they spoke.
You just gotta rub it in, dontcha?
Wow, how could Gingy be so wrong? I'll bet no one ever tried to pay him to be a historical consultant.
Not very much, anyway, seeing as how he gets his facts wrong and stuff.
Hemp was everywhere in our founding father's days–including their pipes.
Behind every good man there is a woman, and that woman was Martha Washington, man, and everyday George would come home, she would have a big fat bowl waiting for him, man, when he come in the door, man, she was a hip, hip, hip lady, man.
Argh, beat me to it!!!
To the Back-up Mobile!!
"George Washington was in a cult, and the cult was into aliens, man. Didja ever look at a dollar bill, man? There's some spooky shit goin' on there. And it's green too. "
Hey man, get off my case man.
And something of a fox when she was young, as I learned on this here very site!
Martha Washington Hot
Definitely in Ol' Benny Franklin's. He wrote in "Toke Proudly" that was how he got his best ideas.
Methinks he was referring to his other end therein.
Opium was pretty common in those days, too.
Laudanum was routinely administered to screaming sproggen, for example, to the great relief, no doubt, of their mothers and nurses. Gripe water, we called it, back in the day.
Did you also tie an onion to your belt?
It was the fashion back then.
"Old
King ColeGeorge was a Merry Old Soul,A Merry Old Soul was He.
He called for Hie Pipe and He called for His Bowl,
I guess we all know about Old
King ColeGeorge:He just wanted to Get Stoned and Dig the Fiddlers!
Bud Libel!
Next, he'll tell us Jefferson had six chins and ditched his wife just like he did. Give the blimp credit, he knows how to lie.
At least Jefferson waited till the wifey croaked before having relations with her sister/slave. That's almost respectable!
who is that lady in your picture?
Had a pretty good chance to snag some Paul supporters and blew it.
Look at poor Roosevelt and Lincoln, trying to make do with secondhand highs.
~
Newt's Not here, Man.
Can we just shoot Newt to the moon?
We're gonna need a bigger rocket.
Before Newt moons us, please.
I'm a book geek, not a science geek, so don't take what I'm saying as gospel — but I think that would pull the moon within Newt's gravitational field.
One'a these days, Alice…
Or, Mars.
I knew Jefferson, and you Newt are no Jefferson.
Newt is no Regan, the Alzheimers is not yet full blown.
"you Newt are no Jefferson"
Shhheeeeeyyyyyiiit, he's not even Barry Goldwater!
you never know, Tiffany's might sell Goldwater…
Not to mention Benjamin Franklin's ill fated foray into free basing.
And they didn't call Grover Cleveland, "Eight-Ball" for nothin'.
There is, however, no truth to the rumor that John Hay and Henry Adams dealt huge quantities of opium from their curiously conjoined houses in turn-of-the-century D.C.
Well really, why would any decent person look askance at members of the "Five of Hearts" club? Except maybe a filthy Jew. Or Czar. Or socialist.
Why indeed? Close your eyes and open to any page of their voluminous correspondence. Such nice people.
"Benjamin Franklin's ill fated foray into free basing. "
Which was actually an ill Sated Soray in to Sree basing.
Surely the founding fathers would have said something like: "What need have ye of this puny weed when the apothecary can provide you with a draft of laudanum for your ills?"
I read something once about a growing technique Washington used to make the hemp more something. According to the article, this particular technique was recognized as one used to make more potent pot…not useful for making rope at all. I'll try to find it.
Google "george washington sinsemilla"
Are you sure you're not talking about George Clinton? I think that "growing technique" was "dipping the joint into a little sherm".
Washington's diaries talk of separating the male from female plants. That is considered good practice when growing weed for smoking and seems pointless when growing it for industrial purposes.
and then he was all "I cannot tell a lie…I'm so baked right now. I have cotton mouth so bad it feels like my teeth are made of wood, man…."
"And I got the munchies so bad I chopped that fucking cherry tree down so I could get at all of those sweet little berries."
"In short, not only were Washington and Jefferson marijuana farmers, they were unsuccessful marijuana farmers."
They were, however, successful presidential candidates, unlike you-know-who.
Is this a Hitler question?
i'll take "Cunts from Wasilla" for $200, Alex…
Johnson? Bachmann? Perry?
Don't make me say it!
Oh, all right. All of them, Katie. Well, except one. One's gotta survive, right?
Ganja Grinch.
Seems more like a Gin Grinch to me. Much too nasty for the noble weed.
Jefferson, however, was much more successful at creating America's first bong, using a chamber pot and a salvaged pipe bowl.
The founding daddies could do almost anything.
They truly were the MacGyvers of nascent America.
Based on the pic at the top of the page, he was also adept at smoking out of his ear.
It's a little known fact that Jefferson planned, designed and built Monticello so that, if the upstairs windows were open and a pinch of ganga put in the fireplace, the building itself actually functioned as a huge bong.
By gawd! Mind = blown.
Tonight at 11!
Newt tells the NAACP that Washington and Jefferson strongly discouraged the owning of slaves, and their techniques for dealing with slaveholders were more violent.
Newt Gingrich
@NewtGingrich
Husband, father, grandfather, citizen, small businessman, author, former Speaker. I'm running for president to offer leadership to solve America's challenges. <a href="http://Newt.org” target=”_blank”>http://Newt.org
There's a rumor that the Bibble preaches monogamy. Not true. Also Washington had five wives at once and only one got the divorce elbow because of cancer.
"small businessman"? Really? More like a corpulent one.
Give the Newtski a double martini (made from really cheap Vodka. Aw fuck, made with isopropy) for that one.
Even better, make that some top-shelf methanol.
Olive, onion, or anthrax?
Anything that'll cause him to curl up and die within 20 minutes or fewer.
Newt was just poaching from his 1993 comedy/history album "Cheech and Wrong."
Hey Newt! George Washington will kick you apart. He's coming, he's coming.
He'll save children, but not the Gingrich children.
Callista will dig his strut and his gallant stroll.
And who wouldn't? He was 6 foot 4 and a natural redhead.
$: – }
Uh, "six-foot eight, weighs a fucking ton." (Alt: "Six-foot twenty, fucking killing for fun.")
To borrow from a thread in the mists of wonkette past: George Washington will kill you in your sleep at Christmas.
If he could take Jebediah Springfield, he could kickbox the shit out of Newt without even mussing up his wig.
Well, of-fucking-course Washington and Jefferson were unsuccessful marijuana farmers; they were stoned on crack all the time.
Newt knows that Washington and Jefferson, regardless of historical reality, would've had the good sense to retroactively learn from Newt's mistakes. For instance — that time he sat on a sofa with Nancy Pelosi and advocated cap and trade? High as a fuckin' kite.
"their techniques of dealing with it would have been more violent.”
♫ I done two tours of duty in Vietnam
And I came home with a brand new plan
I take the seed from Colombia and Mexico
I plant it up the holler down Copperhead Road
Well the D.E.A.'s got a chopper in the air
I wake up screaming like I'm back over there
I learned a thing or two from ol' Charlie don't you know
You better stay away from Copperhead Road ♫
BTF:
Back in them days (Washington and Jefferson, not Steve Earle) didn't most gentlemen farmers also brew their own beer and make their own brandy?
Hell, humans have been figuring out ways to get fucked up since they came down out of the baobab trees and started walking upright on the savanna. Probably before that. Every decent estate since Mesopotamian days has probably had a vineyard and a couple acres dedicated to hops, oats, and barley.
Yeah! Steve Earle FTW!!
[that could be "for the win" or "for the weed"]
This actually explains a few things for me.
Washington reads to Jefferson: "A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed."
Jefferson bursts out laughing. "Dude! It says two different things: well-regulated and not be infringed. That is fucked up."
Washington: "Are you hungry?"
Jefferson: "And I thought we were agreeing to bare arms, bear arms."
Washington: "Bear's have arms?! I thought they had paws."
Jefferson: "Dude!"
Washington: "Dude!"
ROFLMAO. Tom and Wash as Cheech and Chong. Brilliant.
Awesome. My sides hurt now. Thanks.
WIN!
Hopefully, Newt will make it to South Carolina, and someone will ask him about Congressman Preston Brooks' meth lab and how he dealt with his anger issues.
This is true: Preston was a distant relation of my VA/TN ancestors. They were a fightin' bunch, too. Some of their descendants are still making meth.
They just don't make those gutta-percha canes like they used to.
My, how little has changed.
Newt is dangerously stupid. In New Hampshire, you always tell voters hell yeah you can grow your own pot and do anything else you want. Live Free or Die, dude. He must like coming in low in the vote count.
"In New Hampshire, you always tell voters hell yeah you can grow your own pot and do anything else you want."
Well, the Magna Carta doesn't say anything about it, so it must be OK.
The Founding Fathers would have ground Gingrich into fertilizer and used him to nourish their hemp crops before they entrusted him with any sort of authority.
What a Newtwit.
More violent than placing one-third of all young black men in jail for being connected with it? More violent than spending tens of billions in a fruitless campaign to eradicate a weed that can grow anywhere?
Actually I think adultery is something the Founders might have been more violent in dealing with than growing hemp.
With Michele out of the race and Perry running around a lake somewhere I was worried that the stupid would be missed. Thank you Newt for keeping the stupid flowing.
Phhhhhttt. Like there was danger of that not happening.
So Dr. Professor Mr. Speaker Newt is saying TJ was a conservtard? Talk about revisionist history. Professor Owl can you put a well placed talon into Newt's behind?
Sorry, we don't eat carrion.
Or low hanging fruit?
Leave Marcus out of this!
When you take flight, do you ever have carrion luggage?
Gingrich wrong about history? GTFO!
I'm embarrassed just reading about this fuck-fest.
i not so much embarrassed as sick to fucking death of it.
I'm surprising Newt didn't bring up that episode of the Jeffersons where Lionel learns the value of a dollar by becoming a part-time janitor while his sister starts smoking ganja and hanging out on the porch.
Um…in those days people smoked whatever they could get their hands on. In 16th Century Europe, the tobacco of Trinidad was immortalized in song. The songs directly reference what a buzz you could catch off it. I'm sure Washington and Jefferson were perfectly aware of the "medicinal" benefits of herb. And about the only thing a young dude could have said to them to warrant violent retaliation would have been something along the lines of "Long Live the King!"
In fact here are the King's Singers to give their rendition now: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f6mQltwfP8Y
It should be pointed out that Newton Leroy Gingrich, Ph.D., is actually a historian of European history.
Romney's campaign should point out that we don't want someone who taught Commie History 101 to be President.
European history? He's a-peein' on history.
I think the word "zany" best describes the 2012 Teatardlican primary process so far. SMH. Newtly is doing a hell of a job tarnishing the value of a Tulane University Phd..
*poorly suppressed snicker*
As though that were possible!
Did Newt have the same American History teacher as One L Michele and Lou Sarah?
Xanax and "some guy I met one time"?
Mittens must be wetting his magic undies with joy now that Perry has chosen to soldier on to South Carolina.
Did former Senator Lubeandfecal say something naughty about the Tejas Aggies? Piling-on with some bonfire humor about Iowa being Perry's torch song? Otherwise it makes no sense.
Here is precedent: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/1195939….
Dr Francis Thackeray, head of palaeontology, at the Transvaal Museum, said: "This project was initiated in part by a re-reading of Shakespeare's sonnets, in particular, sonnet number 76, where Shakespeare refers to 'invention in a noted weed'.
And Newt's an amateur paleontologist!!! Why doesn't he know this??
There are about eight million cannabis takers in this country at the present time. Are they producing anything comparable to Shakespeare's sonnet, I ask…
Uh, what about Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventures?
Hence, the term "Newtwit."
What does the Magna Carta have to say about growing your own?
Has there ever been a time when people were more willing to say wrong shit outloud on tv, just blatantly, provably wrong? (I know this is the "if you quote me you're a liar" guy but good Lord.)
Is it the population being so large that there are just MORE of them willing to do this so it seems there are actually two "realities" going on in this country? What is this with just saying whatever you come up with – no facts or knowing stuff needed, just running your fat fucking mouth? I need gravity bong hits at this point. A vaporizer? Whatever the kids do now to smoke A LOT AT ONE TIME. That's what I need now.
"Has there ever been a time when people were more willing to say wrong shit outloud on tv, just blatantly, provably wrong?"
And other people are UN-willing to call them on it and say, "Good lord, these people are fucking idiots who can't be trusted with a burnt-out match, let alone political power!"?
Burnt-out matches can be really dangerous. Just sayin'.
Well, that's Our Broken Media Environment for you. These people say crazy shit in public because the stenographers employed as reporters these days let them get away with it:
"Yes, Mr. Gingrich? Jesus & his disciples wrote the Constitution? Satan was a card-carrying member of the ACLU? Aliens took Elvis to Gliese 581g to marry their Queen? How interesting."
Whet pisses me off is that all these lies can be easily disproved in less than 10 minutes by any average 7th grader with an internet connection. With Video. And "Media Personalities" are paid huge amounts of money to show up on Sunday, grin, preen deliver the CW of the day & be totally incompetent in analyzing the day's real News.
AARGH. Why is the Rum always Gone?
Even when these people are provided with facts, statistics, and even video, they reply, "Well, that's just your opinion." Not only do people not seem to comprehend the concept of cause and effect, they also refuse to accept that an opinion is not the same thing as a fact. The Ailesification of America.
It's well known that facts have a liberal bias; the facts are always on our side!
"I need gravity bong hits at this point. A vaporizer? Whatever the kids do now to smoke A LOT AT ONE TIME. That's what I need now."
You need the Atomic Bong. Equipped with a belt-driven supercharger similar to that found on high-performance European sedans and Top Fuel Funny Car dragsters, the Atomic Bong will drive the sweet numbing smoke through the roof of your mouth directly to your brain at velocities approaching Mach one, producing a buzz that lasts days, weeks, or even months.
Holy Smokes that is EXACTLY what I need…bypass the lungs, straight to the brain, no muss, no fuss, no thinking about nothing – much less these stupid, lying assholes. I like it!
You must not get the quality stuff down there in Jurrasic Park; the weed they grow these days, holy shit, its not a matter of forcing more into yourself, its a matter of being very very careful to titrate. Strong isn't the word. Not at all like the days of $25 OZs of Mexican Blonde.
Hyperbole aside, I'm all about efficiency (and it's still the number one cash crop in the state) but weed with Names that cost a hundred an eighth is over my head. Look here, it's Jack Herrera with Blueberry Cush (kush?) and some strain of British Columbian basement gold…Like Dennis Leary said, whatever happened to smoking a joint (Brick-weed baby ewww) eating some twinkies, watching tv and going to fucking bed? But I ain't above hanging with folks that like snotty weed by no means.
"No one ever went broke underestimating the stupidity of the American people."
How could a president who grew opium poppies in his "medicinal garden" as Jefferson did have dealt more violently with someone else smoking their hemp?
Had Newt been around then, he might have advocated for invading Jamaica.
In Newt's defense, he was really, really high when he said that.
you people keep saying math is hard.
clearly, history is harder.
For Newt, maybe.
Just the parts he doesn't like, anyway.
Yeah, like anything having to do with FACTS. Jeez, what a feckin' ignorant heap of shite he is.
It costs millions to hire the most creative historians.
"I think Jefferson or George Washington would have rather strongly discouraged you from growing marijuana, and their techniques of dealing with it would have been more violent," he said, in response to a question.
Snark off:
What kind of moronic answer is this? More violent than what? And why would their techniques have been more violent? What clown college did Bozo get his diploma from, anyway? I think Marcus must have left one of his dildoes up Newt's ass as a going-away present, because this clown is just farting out of his mouth now.
“I think Jefferson or George Washington would have rather strongly discouraged you from growing marijuana, and their techniques of dealing with it would have been more violent.”
Translation: "Back in MY day, they didn't just put those dope-smoking hippies in prison, they KILLED them! Now you kids get off my lawn!"
Newt is such a Jeebus-lovin' serial adulterer that he believes in Creation history as well as Creation science.
Fuck you, Newt. You're just jealous that Obama has a weed named after him and you don't.
No shit? What's it called?
Dude, I have been reincarnated several times. Believe me, GW could suck on a bong. Franklin wasn't bad, but Jefferson always wanted to give you a blow job after the first couple of hits.
Dr. Ron Paul
Can I just say that I love that New Gingrich is reverting back to Old Gingrich? You know, the Gingrich that doesn't mind cutting a bitch? Like Crystal Pepsi, New Gingrich sucked balls.
Paul Krugman summed up the Newt's appeal quite succinctly: "he’s a stupid man’s idea of what a smart person sounds like."
Same for George Wills.
You don't try to "Out Grow" the Founders of Shit… they will beat your ass out of the business.
Jefferson only grew it because his black girlfriend liked to smoke it before getting freaky.
Wait a minute! Isn't this the same douchebag (Gnewt) who wanted to shoot people who enjoy God's flowers, yet he himself once partook? Typical two-faced RepubliCON!
Sorry for the nitpik, but it's actually Newton Leroy Gingrich. However, I spell his name Gnewt because he's just a fukkin' annoying bug to me (like a gnat).
It was supposed to be a goofy reference to Wile E. Coyote, Super-Genius. http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_qbAozUJuidk/TS0sFwBCW2I…
Also I like it because you say "newtie" when you read it.
Liz, come on, are you Slater-San? This is all right out of Dazed and Confused: "Behind every good man there is a woman, and that woman was Martha Washington, man, and everyday George would come home, she would have a big fat bowl waiting for him, man, when he come in the door, man, she was a hip, hip, hip lady, man."
Lets betake us now to the Hashfire Inn! Then we can invite over some immigrants and build cars!
I'm surprised Gittin'rich didn't have Crazy Eyes explain why the Founding Fathers hated Obama Care…
Wait, they were sober during the lemon parties?! That's dark.
Back then everybody smoked Himalayan Cream – the HG was just for seeds and oil.
Yes indeed, teh Colonials were very concerned about hemp in the Colonies.
In fact, they passed the first American law regarding the growing of The Devil's Weed.
It was FUCKING MANDATORY by law – & you'd be harshly fined if you DIDN'T grow some.
Odds that Blowjob-Boy knows this already = roughly 100%. That fat fuck must go through Listerine by the 40-gallon drum to get the constant stink of corporate cock out of his breath.
everyone can grow pot, didn't they have closets and attics in the 18th century?
My dealer brings in shit from some medical marijuana store up in Colorado. Plushberry, Sour Diesel, Armageddon, Sweet Tooth, etc. Of course, in straight life he's a wine rep, and he describes the smoke the same way he describes wine, but with different adjectives for the taste, and descriptors for the buzz type. Hey, dude, you can call it Kansas Side-of-the-Road Utility Grade Ditch Weed for all I care, as long as it changes the channel for me. But all my dirt-weed connections are long gone and I can only get the $125/quarter stuff anymore. Haven't bought rolling papers in a decade or more.
I don't like snotty weed, its just all there IS around here. People think I am kidding when I ask for middling stuff.
My buddy in Colorado (nine plants a house???) keeps telling me to come up there. When I decide what I am gonna be when I grow up, that might be the place I do it. (And I'll be a farmer)
I learned everything I know abt Sour Diesel from a Florida football player's twitter. It sounds like a trainwreck. (Or that it wd make a trainwreck funner to watch) These kids today with all their cash for fed ex are amazing. (Shakes fist)
I heard he had, like, a hundred dicks.
Wow it really IS the Garden State. I've been meeeeaning to get to Franklin Lakes for a Real Housewives of NJ tour – talk about incentive to get out of town. (like I need incentive. btw, jurassic park – very good.)
Most places will give you a bag of the House Shake for cheap.
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