feudal visions of america

U.S. Constitution No Longer Original Enough for New Hampshire GOP

They'll call him the phony king of England.

Last seen being led by Orly Taitz in a violent insurrection to try to get Barack Obama’s name removed from the ballot, what are the Republican lawmakers of the state of New Hampshire, or as we will now call it, “the Arizona of the East Coast,” up to these days? Oh, you know, just drafting a fun bill requiring every subsequent bill that addresses “individual rights or liberties” to quote a relevant passage from the Magna Carta as its legal basis. Who’s the most Originalist of all NOW, biyotchez??

The entire text of the bill, via the Concord Monitor:

“All members of the general court proposing bills and resolutions addressing individual rights or liberties shall include a direct quote from the Magna Carta which sets forth the article from which the individual right or liberty is derived,” is the bill’s one sentence.

So let’s see, oh here’s a fun section from the Magna Carta guaranteeing poor slobs a few pennies if the police steal their shit (rich people aren’t allowed to have their shit taken):

[21] No sheriff or bailiff of ours or of anyone else is to take anyone’s horses or carts to make carriage, unless he renders the payment customarily due, namely for a two-horse cart ten pence per day, and for a three-horse cart fourteen pence per day. No demesne cart belonging to any churchman or knight or any other lady (sic) is to be taken by our bailiffs…

Ooooh, and here’s another one, with family law applications!

[34] No-one is to be taken or imprisoned on the appeal of woman for the death of anyone save for the death of that woman’s husband.

True, these rules seem a little out of date, but “little” is sort of relative, right?

“This is a little bit older than the Constitution, but the same thought is there,” [Rep. Lucien Vita] said.

Eh, half a millenium here, half a millenium there, who’s even counting? The point is, this is the most brilliant legislation ever drafted. [Concord Monitor via ThinkProgress]

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313 comments

    1. Dashboard_Jesus

      srsly, this shit is so funny the Onion WISHES they thought of it! (damn those JOO bankers!)

      "If anyone who has borrowed a sum of money from Jews dies before the debt has been repaid, his heir shall pay no interest on the debt for so long as he remains under age."

      Upon seeing the bill, New Hampshire Democratic Party spokesman Ray Buckley said he was "mostly speechless." "I appreciate all the hard work the Republican legislators are putting into the effort to make them look like extremists," he said. "Saves us the trouble."

    2. littlebigdaddy

      They say this while looking three hundred yards past you, and doing something weird with their left hand in their trouser pocket. (Summer of 1974 taught me all I needed to know about the granite state).

    3. CapeClod

      Language was also added to give legislators the right to screw any man's wife on their wedding night.

    1. memzilla

      Let's go back even further, to where the halach uinic makes the law, and the batab enforces the law.

    1. arihaya

      you mean,, back to the days when Jews were hauled in chains to Iraq?

      sounds like wingnuts' dream to me

  1. BaldarTFlagass

    Oh king, eh, very nice. An' how'd you get that, eh? By exploitin' the workers — by 'angin' on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic an' social differences in our society! If there's ever going to be any progress–

        1. Mapmonger

          I went around sayin' I was an emperor just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me they'd put me away!

    1. littlebigdaddy

      I thought it was the "big menu" you got in an Italian restaurant in Italy. (The one that has the "surfe and turfe" option).

  2. BaldarTFlagass

    Hey, if they go back to the Magna Carta, and then skip all that Enlightenment bullshit about rights of Man, and go straight to Adam Smith, things will be just the way they want it.

    1. Preferred Customer

      The first rule of the Invisible Hand is that you don't talk about the Invisible Hand.

  3. memzilla

    Of course, they could just go back to Moses and those Fifteen (*thump* *shatter*) … those Ten Commandments.

    1. MightySix

      Good news, bad news, people. I got him down to ten (crowd goes YAY) but adultery is still on the list (crowd goes BOO.)

    2. real_dc_native

      Don't forget Leviticus with all that helpful diet advice! Yes, all of that needs to be enshrined in state law.

      1. tessiee

        Any book of the Bible that forbids mullets is A-OK with me:

        Leviticus 19:27: "'You shall not cut the hair on the sides of your heads"

  4. spends2much

    Um, is the Tea Pahty confused about which country they live in? At any rate, yay, let's bring back serfdom!

  5. Tundra Grifter

    I can certainly see why the good people in the state of New Hampshire are so worried about the actions of evil Prince John.

    Just you wait until Good King Richard comes home from the Crusades. There will be Hell to pay!

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      John: Who says, "poor John"? Don't everybody sob at once. My God, if I went up in flames, there's not a living soul who'd piss on me to put the fire out.

      Richard: Let's strike a flint and see.

          1. BaldarTFlagass

            Another all-time favorite, Geoffrey again:
            "I know. You know I know. I know you know I know. We know Henry knows, and Henry knows we know it. [smiles] We're a knowledgeable family. "

    2. arihaya

      I hate to remind you that King Richard ended up being held in a dark Austrian dungeon, and finally released after many hardship …

      only to ended up dead when some chap shot a crossbow on him

  6. tihond

    What, couldn't they take it all back to Leviticus for its basis. Shellfish have gotten a free pass for too long.

  7. ttommyunger

    New Hampshire, suffering from an extreme case "Small State Syndrome". Some bitch must have finally told them size does matter.

  8. memzilla

    So now we have the freedom to ignore any law that's not written on vellum, parchment, or cuneiform tablets? Hah, take that, Microsoft Word .doc format!

  9. CthuNHu

    Also, a bill saying evolution is bad because, "we should be concerned with criminal ideas like this and how we are teaching it. . . . Columbine, remember that? They were believers in evolution. That's evidence right there."

    We also have a bill allowing private entities (no tax dollars!) to post signs near the Massachusetts border saying "Warning: Massachusetts 500 feet ahead," a bill requiring the department of safety to give any woman filing a restraining order a gun, a box of ammo, and shooting instruction, a bill proclaiming March 31 of each year as a day to remember Terri Schiavo, a bill requiring pupils to stand during the pledge of allegiance, and so, so much more.

    Really, I swear. Just go to the NH General Court's bill site and click submit and see the wonders that appear.

      1. Negligently_Joe

        I'm not actually sure where the Terri Schiavo thing fits in with that agenda. Government interference in private medical decisions doesn't seem a great example of "living free", and… well, not really all that much of the alternative, either, in that case.

        But, New Hampshire Republicans! They're really serious about that Libertarian thing! They swear! We should all believe them!

        1. Fare la Volpe

          Have you ever noticed that when Christians talk about their "freedom" it always comes at the cost of someone else's freedom?

          1. Negligently_Joe

            So, "Live 'free' or be forced, by an act of Congress, to use machines to keep your body's organs operating even though you actually died months ago"?

            You know, Drunk Rick Perry was right: that really doesn't have quite the same ring to it, as far as State Mottos go.

          2. sarah_connor

            "at first I experimented only with animals, and then a human heart which I kept beating for three weeks"

    1. Fukui_SanYesOta

      The full quote is even moar scary:

      "I want the full portrait of evolution and the people who came up with the ideas to be presented. It's a worldview and it's godless. Atheism has been tried in various societies, and they've been pretty criminal domestically and internationally. The Soviet Union, Cuba, the Nazis, China today: they don't respect human rights," he said.

      "As a general court we should be concerned with criminal ideas like this and how we are teaching it. . . . Columbine, remember that? They were believers in evolution. That's evidence right there," he said.

      GODLESS! ATHEISM! NAZIS! COLUMBINE!

      There's not really much place for Jebus in particle physics or materials science either, but wingnutz don't seem to get very angry about that. What is it about Darwin that really throws them over the edge?

      GAAAAARRRRGGGHHHHH! DIRAC WAS AN ATHEIST NAZI COMMUNIST! REMEMBER HYPATIA OF ALEXANDRIA? WAIT BAD EXAMPLE. REMEMBER 9/11? THEY MIGHT HAVE BELIEVED QUANTUM MECHANICS PERHAPS!!! THAT'S PROOF RIGHT THERE.

      1. flamingpdog

        What's even more scary, from the perspective of someone who read and heard about Columbine every day and night for years because he lives just up the road aways (and works downstairs from one victim's father) is that Columbine probably didn't believe in evolution. There are a lot of evangelicals in that neighborhood and lots of throwing around the names of God and Jesus afterward (and from many reports, before). I would not have wanted my children attending that school.

        And wingnutz are unhappy with physics and especially cosmology because that speed of light and red shift and other physical thingies seem to help prove that the universe is more than 6015 years old. Evolutionary biologists just catch most of the flack for these clowns' delusional thinking.

    2. Chichikovovich

      Though frankly I can see a major upside to this Bill. The sponsor says:

      "Bergevin is less interested in the science of evolution than he is in the political and religious views of Darwin and his disciples. His bill would require schools to teach evolution as a theory, and include "the theorists' political and ideological viewpoints and their position on the concept of atheism." "

      Absolutely New Hampshire children should be taught all about Richard Dawkins' atheism, and to get a good sense of how revolting and shocking it is, they should read several books of it. And to get a sense of Lysenko's ideological viewpoints, they would have to read big chunks of Das Kapital and the Communist Manifesto. Also Lenin's 'Left-wing' Communism; an Infantile Disorder, just because it has a cool title. And a lot of those guys were democratic socialists, or at least are the kind of people who would be. So the kids should read a lot of Michael Harrington and Barbara Ehrenreich.

      Of course this is outrageous, horrifying material, but I think the students can handle learning all these harsh truths about these immoral men. We owe it to the children.

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        Dream on … the kids won't get anywhere near that material … it'll be banned from school libraries. What they will get to read is the wingnut "Texas schoolbook" version of what all those guys said, with the Bible as "source material".

        Dumbfucks won't be happy until they make everyone else so fucking dumb that they start to look smart by comparison.

    3. real_dc_native

      It makes me feel like we need to re-think this whole Democracy thing. It's getting out of hand in some states.

  10. Biff

    As long as they don't classify my Shelby Mustang as a horse for them to take and make carriage out of, I'm good, right?

        1. littlebigdaddy

          An AMG tuned M-B SLK. I'd have the advantage on mountain roads, but you would probably on the straightaway.

          1. Biff

            I am an old, and deferred gratification until I could cash out the car of my dreams. Many Falcons and Beetlesque rides in the meantime…

          2. littlebigdaddy

            Yeah, I know. I am not a 1%. I bought the car on E-Bay a couple of years ago. It was less than 25% of the new car price, coming off a lease at 3 years. I am fucking with the man. Not the man myself.

      1. Preferred Customer

        I think you mean it was Jimmy Carter's other, sexy brother in an unbuttoned aloha shirt and a Ferrari.

        Just let that one sit in your brain and percolate for a bit.

        1. Loaded_Pants

          "I think you mean it was Jimmy Carter's other, sexy brother in an unbuttoned aloha shirt and a Ferrari."

          Not to mention he had one rockin' stache.

  11. veritass

    [35] No-one is to be taken or imprisoned on the appeal of woman for the rape of woman if sheriff or bailiff determine woman's skirt was just too damn short.

  12. Fukui_SanYesOta

    (10) If anyone who has borrowed a sum of money from Jews dies before the debt has been repaid, his heir shall pay no interest on the debt for so long as he remains under age, irrespective of whom he holds his lands. If such a debt falls into the hands of the Crown, it will take nothing except the principal sum specified in the bond.

    (11) If a man dies owing money to Jews, his wife may have her dower and pay nothing towards the debt from it. If he leaves children that are under age, their needs may also be provided for on a scale appropriate to the size of his holding of lands. The debt is to be paid out of the residue, reserving the service due to his feudal lords. Debts owed to persons other than Jews are to be dealt with similarly.

    1. Chichikovovich

      Well, in 1290 Edward I expelled all the Jews from England, and the edict stayed in force until 1656, this was probably an example of the Barons just jackin' with us. They knew where things were going. They were also going to put in rules prohibiting jumping to the moon and cultivating turnips larger than the tower of London, just for laffs, but they thought it would be too silly.

          1. flamingpdog

            Never been able to figure out the hysteria about all the money we owe the Chinese. People cry, "What if they demand we pay up all at once?" I reply, "What if they do that and we tell them to go blow a dead panda bear?" Whose economy crashes worst?

    2. real_dc_native

      So, does that mean only Jews can collect interest on debts? I smell an employment opportunity. Hampshire First Bank, I'm the Yid you need!

      1. Fukui_SanYesOta

        Well, a strict reading of the Bible prevents charging interest on loans, just like Islam.

        Of course, don't ever mention that to wingnutz or they'll accuse you of Sharia or some stupid pig-ignorant bullshit.

      1. Doktor Zoom

        I'll cling to my Divine Right of Kings, and you can keep yer hope and change, ya damn socialist.

          1. Doktor Zoom

            Yeah, well, if you want to level, there's usually a fair amount of digging and grinding involved. You'll want to min-max your stats, too…

  13. qwerty42

    From the article:

    Upon seeing the bill, New Hampshire Democratic Party spokesman Ray Buckley said he was "mostly speechless." "I appreciate all the hard work the Republican legislators are putting into the effort to make them look like extremists," he said. "Saves us the trouble."

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      "I appreciate all the hard work the Republican legislators are putting into the effort to make themselves look like fucking idiots."

      (What he really, really REALLY wanted to say.)

  14. Mort_Sinclair

    Twombly said "no way in heck" was his intention in backing the bill to prevent progressive civil rights legislation from being introduced.

    "That's not my thought whatsoever," he said. "Our society has changed a lot since then. There are issues that need to be resolved that weren't a problem years ago."

    Twombly, you twit. "Our society" didn't exist back then, but you'd be hard pressed to prove that in New Hampshire, what with its cemented devotion to masturbatory preening about treading and taxes.

    1. Tundra Grifter

      "There are issues that need to be resolved that weren't a problem years ago."

      So the answer is go back in time even farther and find the solutions?

      Guess Twombly didn't see "Midnight in Paris."

    2. tessiee

      "New Hampshire, what with its demented devotion to masturbatory preening about treading and taxes."

      ftfy

    3. outragedcitizen

      I would suspect that most of these dipshits also believe that the Earth is only 6000 years old so I am confused as to how they are going to reconcile the fact that the Magna Carta does not even mention taking a man's dinosaur without payment.

  15. EatsBabyDingos

    The Magna Carta goes further; "And upon said appeal of woman, if she cite Marin and Chong, then the Judge shall verily, 'Bailiff, whack his pee pee,' and it will be done."

    1. C_R_Eature

      "Are you aware of the Penal code in this state?" said the Judge, waving an enormous Dildo from behind the bench.

        1. emmelemm

          Oh my god, blast from the past! My friend found that article and forwarded it to me; she thought that was the funniest thing she'd ever heard.

  16. BaldarTFlagass

    And in keeping with their "Let's Go Back to the 13th Century" theme, the legislature announced that they will be sending the NH National Guard to conquer the Holy Land.

    1. Tundra Grifter

      BTF:

      This is taking Ole Newt's 11-year-old janitors thing a bit too far. Let's not have a do over of the Childrens' Crusade. That was a debacle.

  17. BarackMyWorld

    There comes a point where the appropriate response to ridiculous legislation like this is "you should fuck off and die."

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      The appropriate response is to vote the fuckers out of office. What's depressing is that this doesn't happen.

    1. tessiee

      To paraphrase "Pa" Ferguson, governor of Texas circa 1924 (before he was impeached):
      "If the King’s English was good enough for Jesus Christ, it’s good enough for New Hampshire!”

      1. unclejeems

        Naw, that was his wife, the belle of Bell County, Miriam Amanda Wallace "Ma" Ferguson. Husband "Pa" was impeached in 1917. She was elected in 1924, served a two-year term, got beat, and then re-elected in 1932 and served another term. "Ma" was the governor, but "Pa" was the "governor."

        It was like electing Michele-one-"L"–with Marcus in the room next door. With his "ex"-gays. Doing whatever.

  18. SudsMcKenzie

    I'm really liking our new dueling female "posters", can we get Laurie Apple for a crazy three way?

    1. El Pinche_v2

      Why go for three hot Wonkette posters when you can get three-for-one with NRO's K-Lo (if you can put up with the smell of feet and nachos).

    2. Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Actually, wouldn't that be a crazy four way? Or are you just planning on watching?

      1. SudsMcKenzie

        Yes and Yes; now how is our lawsuit against "The Never Ending Story" going? Its been years, I'm thinking about applying at the asbestos plant pretty soon.

  19. Negligently_Joe

    Just in case all that "Iowa Evangelicals" talk had you thinking of the New Hampshire GOP as somehow representative of a purely-hypothetical "sane" version of Republicanism.

  20. subsum

    Oh man… what the fuck is the matter with these yahoos? I mean… the Magna Carta? Really? I know the term "conservative" means backward but this too fucking much.

    1. real_dc_native

      I like that law. I could get behind a law like that. Let's start a PAC and get it done!

  21. Lucidamente1

    This sounds like a lost episode of Black Adder ("cite the Magna Carta in every piece of legislation?: Baldrick, that is possibly the stupidest idea since that Trojan chap said 'well that seems like a very nice horse statue; let's let it in the gates.'")

    1. C_R_Eature

      "To you, Baldric, the Renaissance was something that just happened to other people, wasn't it?"

  22. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    King John was not a good man –
    He had his little ways.
    And sometimes no one spoke to him
    For days and days and days.
    And men who came across him,
    When walking in the town,
    Gave him a supercilious stare,
    Or passed with noses in the air –
    And bad King John stood dumbly there,
    Blushing beneath his crown.

  23. fuflans

    god. baggers really are d&d playing, ren faire tools.

    here's a tip kids: the society for creative anachronism isn't a political party.

    1. LetUsBray

      So did the rest of New England just get together and agree to send all their troglodytes and mouth-breathers there?

  24. Mahousu

    39. No freeman shall be taken, or imprisoned, or disseized, or outlawed, or exiled, or in any way harmed–nor will we go upon or send upon him–save by the lawful judgment of his peers or by the law of the land.

    That needs a "terrorists excepted" clause added to it.

  25. El Pinche_v2

    [2] I, the undersigned, shall forfeit all rights, privileges, and licenses herein and herein contained, et cetera, et cetera… Fax mentis incendium gloria cultum, et cetera, et cetera… Memo bis punitor delicatum!

  26. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Now they lay his body down
    Sad old men who run this town
    I still recall the way
    He led the charge and saved the day
    Blue blood and rain
    I can hear the bugle playin'

    We seen the last of Good King Richard
    Ring out the past his name lives on
    Roll out the bones and raise up your pitcher
    Raise up your glass to Good King John

    1. northernbassist

      Nice, but the Steely Dan lyric that resonates for me as I look at the Republican clown car is:

      "Drink Scotch whisky, all night long,
      And die behind the wheel."

      Unless I'm thinking about Newt:

      "This is the day
      Of the expanding man."

  27. natoslug

    Is Canada interested in expanding? I'm thinking we have a few states that we'd be willing to let go for a fairly low price. Hell, if they take Arizona and Alaska, we might even be willing to pay a higher price.

    1. unclejeems

      Shee-oot, them Canuck boys and girls has themselves the universal health care and some other socialist stuff. Let's do it the other way round. Let's us join Canada. Arizona and Alaska can join South Carolina, and then they can all go to hell.

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        David St. Hubbins: It's such a fine line between stupid, and uh…
        Nigel Tufnel: Clever.
        David St. Hubbins: Yeah, and clever.

  28. GeorgiaBurning

    New Hampshire wants the good old days, when men like Claude Rains could wear long hair with bangs in public.

    1. tessiee

      "men like Claude Rains could wear long hair with bangs in public"

      Although I would imagine that his hair-do is a moot point, since he's invisible.

  29. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    But have Conservatives really thought this out?

    No widow shall be compelled to marry, so long as she wishes to remain without a husband.

    Sounds like a doorway to lesbianism.

    1. chicken_thief

      That why One L put her campaign on hold – she afraid all the carpet munchers in NH will get her?

      1. littlebigdaddy

        Could be–there are a hella lot of short haircuts and Walmart jeans there. Maybe if she had to buy some new pantsuits, she might be worried about the change room security.

    2. littlebigdaddy

      Isn't there anything about mules or kind in this? I mean, how else do you judge the value of a woman without a livestock index?

  30. Fukui_sanYesOta

    These stupid fucks need to visit the Jefferson Memorial and read the quotes there.

    I am not an advocate for frequent changes in laws and constitutions. But laws and institutions must go hand in hand with the progress of the human mind. As that becomes more developed, more enlightened, as new discoveries are made, new truths discovered and manners and opinions change, with the change of circumstances, institutions must advance also to keep pace with the times. We might as well require a man to wear still the coat which fitted him when a boy as civilized society to remain ever under the regimen of their barbarous ancestors.

    1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

      What did Jefferson know about freedom? He lived nearly 600 years after the Magna Carta.

      1. Fukui_SanYesOta

        and the idiot had some crackpot idea about shells on mountains being ancient and deposited by an unknown-at-the-time geological process. I mean, the fuck?

        No, back to the magna carta for us! It's the future!

  31. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Let's face it, this is just an attempt by the land owning members of the GOP to bring back Droit du seigneur .

    1. Fukui_SanYesOta

      Is that like when companies get sold for a nominal price because the new owner agrees to take on the debt? Sounds like a scam to me.

      1. flamingpdog

        Hmmm, Mitt Romney becomes Preznit, kicks all the ungrateful evangelicals out of the Bible Belt, shuts down those states, and sells off all their wealth (such as it is) to the other states? I might just have to vote Republican.

  32. Bluestatelibel

    Huh, what next…how about bringing back the chastity belt for wayward Republican legislators?

  33. rocktonsam

    is there anything in there about sweater vests?
    and the punishment if found guilty of pandering

    1. Jukesgrrl

      Or putting on a checked shirt to look like a man of the people without realizing that "the people" don't have Brooks Brothers embroider their initials on the pocket?

  34. Blueb4sunrise

    Hmmphh.
    Well, I spent the day doing what a good derelict has to do once in a while…..try to get a 'loan' from friends I haven't seen in 25 years. Didn't succeed, but ,AT LEAST I TRIED!!!!, and got a lunch, so that's something anyway.
    Meanwhile, all fun has broken loose here and I missed Liz's hello post, so I'm just going to start drinking [LATE, I might add] and hope for a better tomorrow.

  35. Callyson

    Just so long as they don't use the Golden Rule. None of that socialistic humanitarian crap for the Live Free or Die state…

  36. C_R_Eature

    Well, if they're determined to do this, they should write all their citations from the Magna Charta in the original 1215 C.E. Latin. You know, for consistency.

  37. Rotundo_

    Wow, in Wisconsin they're recalling the guv'nor for screwing over the unions and schools and these guys want to return to the "Days of old when knights were bold and toilets weren't invented. I don't imagine the good folk of New Hampshire will "stop by the road, drop a load, and walk away contented". I'm thinking if they are going to take the state back to feudalism legally, sanitary facilities will soon go unregulated as well and everyone will be dumping chamberpots on what were the streets and stinking the place up in general. No thanks guys, and keep the maple syrup and stuff, it might have poop in it now that your living like savages.

    1. SudsMcKenzie

      I will Always love the "Saftey\Reststop Package stores on the NH border. Safety first !12

  38. littlebigdaddy

    What about blood oaths? What about weregild? What about trial by ordeal? These guys are fucking lightweights!

      1. littlebigdaddy

        Haha (turning pedantic). No, My dear Tessie it is a custom practiced by the Germanic tribes (and many others in the anthropological record) by which the death of a person (were) was compensated by payment (gild) rather than by blood or marriage.

  39. AuRevoirGopher

    "If anyone who has borrowed a sum of money from Jews dies before the debt has been repaid, his heir shall pay no interest on the debt for so long as he remains under age, . ."
    Substitute "Visa and MasterCard" for "Jews" and I think I'm OK with this one.

  40. C_R_Eature

    this country's been going downhill ever since we sold our summer getaway island to those guys in the funny hats for that goddammed box of beads.

  41. petercow

    Yes, because the rights guaranteed in it, apply only to white, Christian, land-owning, males.

  42. Harry_S_Truman

    Increasingly larger swaths of this country, one founded upon the premises of freedom, liberty, tolerance (to a point), . . .

    . . . HAVE LOST THEIR GODDAMN FUCKING MINDS!!!

    Thank you, I feel better now.

  43. owhatever

    If there is not a relevant clause in the Magnum Cart, then include a line of dialogue from any Clint Eastwood, John Wayne or Charlton Heston movie.

        1. Jukesgrrl

          If it's about Reagan doing ANYTHING he actually did, they'll deny it ever happened. Apparently being a "great communicator" has something to do with hypnosis.

  44. CheeseNPear

    So apart from the whole due process/habeus corpus thing, the only two clauses of Magna Carta still in force in England and Wales today are the ones that establish the freedom of the Church of England and that grant special privileges to the city of London. Which I'm sure the people of New Hampshire care about greatly.

  45. Snarkfest

    New Hampsters just need to join the Church of England:

    1. FIRST, We have granted to God, and by this our present Charter have confirmed, for Us and our Heirs for ever, that the Church of England shall be free, and shall have all her whole Rights and Liberties inviolable. We have granted also, and given to all the Freemen of our Realm, for Us and our Heirs for ever, these Liberties under-written, to have and to hold to them and their Heirs, of Us and our Heirs for ever.

    I have C of E applications right here New Hampsters! One Dollah!

    FREEEEDOMMMMMMM!

  46. Negropolis

    In response, it was announced today that the State of Alabama would revert to Hammurabi's Code…before finding out that such a code of law was too egalitarian for the people of Alabama.

    Oh, New Dumpster; you so crazy.

    1. littlebigdaddy

      Also H.C. was pretty big on establishing the power of the state. Not sure whether the goopers like this or not (depends on how fascistic the state is I guess).

  47. BTWBFDIMHO

    They should thank god they are Americans. If they're Afghans instead, they'd be Talibans and probably dead by now.

  48. Negropolis

    Live free or die, eh? Let them die! Booo! Let them die!

    Hey, New Hambiscuits? Yeah, you inbred New England hillbillies, over there. South Carolina tried Nullification, too. Ask them how that shit turned out in the end.

  49. Doktor Zoom

    You want to talk about Rights and Liberties? Tonight's All Things Considered had a story about that–a genuine hero, Gordon Hirabayashi, died this week at the age of 93. How's this for Rights and Liberties: Hirabayashi is the Japanese-American who, as a college senior in 1942, refused to comply with the internment order and took his case all the way to the Supreme Court. He lost there, but was vindicated 40 years later, and came to say that it was never the Constitution that failed him–it was just the people who should have been carrying it out: "The U.S. government admitted it made a mistake. A country that can do that is a strong country. I have more faith and allegiance to the Constitution than I ever had before. "

    So take heart, Wonkers: Sure, we'll always have asswipes like these NH morons. But I'd like to think that in the long run, the Gordon Hirabayashis will continue to win.

    1. paris biltong

      Unless, of course, they've been wrongly executed or otherwise lost their lives as a result of unconstitutional acts. Tough titties, Iraqis.

  50. pinkocommi

    It is fitting that we look to the Magna Carta for our values given that right now, as back then, 99% of us are serfs indentured to wealthy barons who dominate the political system.

  51. littlebigdaddy

    OMG! Megs is on MSNBC and she is admitting to having fucked Romney. I think. It is really hard to understand what she is saying with all that vocal modulation. OMG! Megs has a strong relationship with New Hampshire. Megs, babe, that one time at the Dartmouth DKE house (we've all been there, honey) does not constitute a relationship.

  52. SayItWithWookies

    In other news, the New Hampshire GOP also proposed a rule that any law regulating hitchhiking, artificial boobs, semi-naked lesbian space aliens or leather clothes with frills be required to reference the pictorial in Truck Stop Crack Ho magazine that inspired it.

  53. Negropolis

    OT: I'm watching Morning Joe (don't know why), and it's all classic beltway punditry bullshit. "Santorum can win if…" and it's all this existential, unrealistic bullshit about his story and the "mood" of the country and blah, blah, blah…and it just reminds me why I hate our media so very much. It is quite a feat and talent to be as consistently wrong as our media is. Santorum just so happened to peak when an actual vote was taking place. That's it. Period.

    It blows my mind to think how much the Harold Ford Jrs, and Donnie Deutsches, and Joe Scarborough's and whatnot get paid to simply sit around and shoot shit, to think that there is a small team of people who get paid next to nothing to come into that studio and clean it up every night/morning while these idiots get paid for their rank cluelessness.

    Just sayin', when the revolution starts — and OWS previewed it — I know which side I'm on. When some idiots hubris gets the best of them and starts tossing pound cake out the windows of the NYSE, I know where I will be.

      1. ThundercatHo

        Is this a real show? Cuz my teenage boy has treated me to all kinds of worthy programming r/t rednecks and huntn the latest being "The Call of the Wildman" and can imitate Turtleman's special call almost as well as a randy spring gobbler or purring hen.

  54. Terry

    The problem, well one of them, with these folks is that they don't read the documents they publicly claim to revere. The Bible? They seem to have missed whole sections about charity and caring for others. Jesus actually had a lot to say on those topics, none of which jibes with the GOP's current tilt. The Constitution and Bill of Rights? Sacred, until someone points out to them there is something pesky in there, then it's time for a Constitutional amendment or to ignore that section entirely.

    I think the current fetishization of the Magna Carta is because someone tossed the name into one of those forwarded wingnut emails because something old and English obviously has to be great and agree whole cloth with the current wingnut way of thinking.

    1. Negropolis

      I think it's just the natural progression of their ideology. They like to think of themselves as nothing more than conservatives, when the truth is that they are regressives. We joke about them going back to Hammurabi's code, but we used to joke about them wanting to go back to the Magna Carta…before they actually starting proposing this crazy shit. First, it was to get back before the Civil Rights Era, and then it was to get back before the Civil War, and then it was to get back to the pre-amended Constitution, and now we are up to the Magna Carta with their goal having always been to end up at the Ten Commandments.

      They'd get us back to the Garden if it weren't for the fact that Adam and Eve just seem too damned happy and carefree for those pessimitic, hateful bastards. Truth is, whether they realize it or not, the very central belief they hold is that civilization and society are inherently evil and can't be trusted, that the individual can only be trusted as crazy as we know that is. It's hard to believe in the primacy of society to govern humanity when you're central belief is built around the idea that humanity is "fallen" and can't be redeemed, within, but only by an indescribable outside force.

    1. Terry

      I saw the Magna Carta in the British Library in London. Ain't no way he'd get a Zeppelin in that building. Couldn't get it down the hallway.

  55. DahBoner

    You know, I have a heck of a time finding a drugstore around here that stocks those extra-large Magna Carta condoms…

  56. Naked_Bunny

    Well, hell, since we're requiring support from documents that have no legal standing in the US, let's just go ahead and quote from Star Trek's Articles of Federation.

  57. Troglodeity

    Ah, the irony: "(45) We will appoint as justices, constables, sheriffs, or other officials, only men that know the law of the realm and are minded to keep it well."

  58. lulzmonger

    *LORDS/BARONS 2012!*

    Gadzooks! This all sounds a little odd*, coming as it does from the same party that so generously gave Amerika both the Patriot Act & the Military Commissions Act, forsooth!
    _________________

    * Where "odd" = "incredibly moronic."

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