Remember back when Newt Gingrich was the confident, tuff-talking historarian lecturing anyone in sight on the dire stupidity of their every thought? Times have changed, since fourteen days ago! After having a thorough pout in Iowa, he quickly fled the state in shame and tears before the caucus results had even finished arriving. Newtie tried insulting bronze-medal-stealer Ron Paul with his usual barrage of extraneous mean adverbs and called Paul “stunningly dangerous” for being against Eternal Wars abroad, to which the DOKTOR gave a hilarious SNORT and reminded everyone that Newt Gingrich’s original Vietnam-era stance on Wars was “draft-dodging.” Put a more fun way, Paul noted that this makes Newt a “chickenhawk.”

Newt of course is only one of thousands of politicians who studiously avoided the draft before magically discovering the joys of warmongering, but this makes Newt Gingrich no less of a hypocritical whiner.

From CNN:

“You know, when Newt Gingrich was called to serve us in the 1960s during the Vietnam era, guess what he thought about danger? He chickened out on that and got deferments and didn’t even go,” Paul said. “So Newt Gingrich has no business talking about danger because he is putting other people in danger. Some people call that kind of a program a ‘chickenhawk’ and I think he falls into that category.”

Don’t insult your elders, Newt! They’re FEISTY. [CNN]

Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • nounverb911

    When does Paul call out Mitt's Parisian fling to avoid Vietnam?

    • PuglyDoRight

      A Royale with cheese…no wait. That's something else.

      • Guppy

        An Indochina with cheese.

  • Captain_Quark

    If Ron Paul ever gets his meds adjusted, American politics will be a lot less amusing.

    • nounverb911

      Doctor, heal thyself?

      • LetUsBray

        Twat Doctor, thrust thy hand up thyself?

    • user-of-owls

      Oh, that was good. That was very good. Huzzah to you, Capitan!

  • for some reason, women keep fucking that chicken.

    • OkieDokieDog

      Wasn't the current Mrs. Newt just giving him blowjobs, because family values and all that?

      • Guppy

        In my twisted imagination, Newt converted to papism because that's the only way she'd allow him to go bareback.

    • Terry

      …and thus the line of credit at Tiffany’s

    • C_R_Eature

      I think the reason is called "Tiffany's".

    • tessiee

      There are 500,000 reasons.

    • flamingpdog

      They just love America too much.

  • When an 80 year old lovable Disney character starts going all William Howard Taft on yer ass, it may be time to reassess.

    • NorthStarSpanx

      Loveable Disney character? Turns out Nebbercracker from Monster House wasn't that bad, but I still wouldn't want him in the White House.

    • rickmaci

      LMAO Donner. Hunter S. Thompson Award for best blog line of 2012 nominee. Year is young but hard to beat the elegant truth in your statement.

    • Guppy

      They disavow Song of the South nowadays.

  • iburl

    I hope Paul stays in as long as possible. He is occasionally correct about some things, which is a refreshing change from the rest of them.

    • YasserArraFeck

      Along the lines of “a broken clock is right twice a day”

      • Spurning Beer

        A clock that’s “a little slow” will be right much less often.

    • GOPCrusher

      If he was running for President of Somalia, I think he would stand a good chance of winning.

      • LetUsBray

        I'm convinced Paultard Nation's excuse for why libertarianism doesn't work in Somalia is that it's full of the wrong type of people, if you know what I mean. And I think you do.

    • Even a broken down, mentally feeble, racist clock is occasionally correct despite itself.

      • tessiee

        And it's not like anyone else has the balls to call Newt out on his chickenhawk-ness.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Coincidently, Chickenhawk is Calista’s pet name for Newt’s wang.

    • LiveToServeYa

      That’s one disgusting pecker.

    • I say, I say, I say, I'm not a chicken, boy. Over THERE is the chicken.

  • Barb

    Ron Paul is raising eyebrows among those of us who have 'em.

    • MzNicky

      Hey, Ron Paul's got eyebrows! And he paid good money for 'em too.

  • Buzz Feedback

    Ron Paul is very proud of his service at Bunker Hill.

    • tessiee

      In that case, maybe he can weigh in with his informed opinion of how George Washington dealt with potheads.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Does this mean that Ron Paul is Foghorn Leghorn?

    • AlterNewt

      Yes. I believe it does.

      • tessiee

        Boy — I say Boy — what in tarnation are you talkin' about?
        [pay attention when I'm talkin' to ya, Son]

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Ron Paul could have really taken that "Chickenhawk" meme to the bank during the Bush II administration. But he didn't say boo. Guess he chickened out.

    • Yeah, he was remarkably quiet back when it would have counted, wasn't he?

    • GOPCrusher

      Maybe he figures his time is growing short on this Earth and has decided to let it fly?

  • nounverb911

    You elect a president with the draft-dodgers you have, not the draft-dodgers you want.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Actually, when was the last time that the Republicans had an actual war hero as a candidate? Last I checked, they just make fun of those who actually served with honor. (i.e. John Kerry).

    • Yes. They mocked his Purple Heart(s). By doing so, they disparaged everyone who has gotten a Purple Heart. Shame on them.

    • Fukui_SanYesOta

      Noted plane crasher Juan McCain?

      Seriously though, that dude spent time in a prison camp. I'd say that counts.

      Before that? Bush Sr was a WW2 naval aviator.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Walnuts? Doesn't count. All he did was crash airplanes well.

      • Rotundo_

        He is considered an ace in the People's Airforce of Vietnam (formerly the North Vietnamese Air Force).

    • pdiddycornchips

      John McCain crashed his jet and spent a little time at the Hanoi Hilton. Getting buggered by the Vietcong doesn't make him John Wayne but at least it's something

    • GOPCrusher

      Or how about Saxby Chambliss questioning Max Clelland's patriotism? I guess losing three limbs in the service of your country isn't good enough.
      But the last Republiklan war hero? Eisenhower.

      • WunkRocker

        It was Ike.
        Was I the only one hoping for a massive Paultard victory in "Iowa" (a/k/a Is that even a State? a/k/a who cares?) Also.

        • Guppy

          C_R_Eature was right about candidates, but as far as elected presidents, both Nixon and Ford served.

          Of course, when you lower the conscription age to 17 and seriously consider dropping it down to 16, you don't allow that "deferment" bullshit. Brokaw didn't mention that about the "Less-Than-Voluntary Generation."

          (Deleted this the first time, then found a reliable source to back it up. Stupid conscience!)

      • YasserArraFeck

        Saxby Chambliss should be taken out and buggered with a splintered fiddle* for his treatment of Max Cleland in 2002. And the Georgia pig-fuckers who swallowed his bullshit should get similar treatment.
        * although having to go through life answering to "Saxby Chambliss" might be considered punishment enough

      • CessnaDriver

        Max wasn't injured in combat, so it doesn't count to the repigs.

    • C_R_Eature

      Bob Dole was a bona fide WWII vet, even got seriously shot up, I think in Italy.Don't know about the "Hero" bit, but at least he didn't scam 5 consecutive deferments, have his Daddy pull strings to assign him to the Champagne Air National Guard, develop a Pilodinal Cyst or any one of the number of "Brave Sir Robin" tactics Repubs seem to like.
      "We don't go to war – We Have People For That."

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Congressman Paul then commenced to reminisce about his experiences with the Abraham Lincoln Brigade back during the Spanish Civil War.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Wasn't his face one of those that Picasso painted? My bad. That was an ox.

    • Oh? How many of those pinkos did he shoot?

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Al Franken reading from his story Operation Chickenhawk.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    You know who else loved to send young boys to die in war after doing everything s/he could do to avoid actual service?

    • baldartflagass

      Just about every single Republican that has held office since 1975 or so?

    • SorosBot

      All of 'em, Katie.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Almost every single Republican that has held office since about 1975 or so?

    • GOPCrusher

      Idi Amin?

    • Veritas78

      I actually know this! It's Dick Cheney!!!

      Do I get his heart-simulacrum for a prize?

      • C_R_Eature

        This is unfair. I happen to know that Dick Cheney has the heart of a small boy.

        He keeps it in a jar on his desk.

        • Negropolis

          I thought he kept it in a jar by the door?

  • magic_titty

    He's more of a Foghorn Leghorn to me.

  • Newt would have shit his little baby pants in 'nam.

    • MzNicky

      Newt never wore "little" anything. He would have shit his big fat crybaby pants in 'nam.

    • He needed two pairs of little baby pants, to shit in.

    • GOPCrusher

      Newt would of been Private Pyle in Full Metal Jacket

    • "Is there a Tiffany's here?"

    • C_R_Eature

      One Word. "Fragging".

      That is All.

      • tessiee

        Douglas C. Niedermeyer
        Killed in Vietnam — by his own troops

        • C_R_Eature

          …and now I'm chuckling to myself over a mental picture of a pudgy 20something Gingrich in an ill-fitting uniform being swept down Main Street by an enormous Black Hand.

          Thank you.

  • SorosBot

    Hey, the comments are all screwed up again. It’s been so long since I’ve weird squiggly-lined alien thingies!

    And whoo, once IntenseDebate gets back to normal this comment will vanish!

    • weejee

      Hey, the comments are all screwed up again. It’s been so long since I’ve weird squiggly-lined alien thingies!

      Did She1ey toss a grenade into the server on her way out?

      • SorosBot

        Either that or too much Santorum has gotten into the system and fucked everything up.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I’d give you a thumbs up for your comment, but I fucking can not do so.

      • smokefillednewyear

        Just pretend! Click to the right of the avatar.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      No thumbs up allowed. And I have my old Ron Perlman Name of the Rose avatar again. I haven’t used that for a long fucking time.

  • Elviouslyqueer

    Chickenhawk, chickenshit… potato, potahtoe.

  • Neiltheblaze

    Newt should have just left it at “Ron Paul is stunning!” – and who could argue with that?

  • kissawookiee

    Looks more like a cockhead to me.

  • qwerty42

    Uh …. things look different.

    • smokefillednewyear

      I didn’t know you had such a lovely green face!

  • weejee

    She1ey musta tossed a grenade in the server on her way out.

  • starfanglednut

    Even Calista says Newt tastes like chicken.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    ♫ Gonna leave a comment like it’s 1999 ♪

  • StarsUponThars

    I thought a chickenhawk was an older gay man who prefers the company of the young ones. Live and learn.

  • LiveToServeYa

    Again, Ron Paul hits that twice-a-day thing, when stopped clocks read correctly. Except his is more of a month-clock.

  • StarsUponThars

    I thought a chickenhawk was an older gay man who preferred the company of a young man. Live and learn.

  • MrBlifil

    Funny how IntenseDebate craps out at a time when Wonkette commenters are delivering unremitting body blows to GOP assholes (an a rhetorical invective sort of way). Hmmm…

  • pinkocommi

    Some people look at Newt Gingrich and think, “Chickenhawk.” I look at Newt Gingrich and think, “Chickenshit.” To each one’s own.

  • Chillwaver

    I just call Newt a “Chickenshit” or just simply a “Cock.” Mittens, on the other hand, is probably the biggest coward to ever run for Prez…

  • BarackMyWorld

    Paul's winning strategy of attacking guys he's already ahead of continues…

  • I just simply call Newt a "chickenshit" or a "cock." "Chickenhawk" would be an upgrade for him. French-venturing, Vietnam-skipin' Mittens, on the other hand, is prolly the biggest pussy to ever run for Prez.

    Speaking of flakes, WTF is wrong with Intense Debate today???

    • Clean out your cache and log out and then relog in. Should take care of the problem.

      • GOPCrusher

        That's why I eat a bran muffin everyday.

    • "Today"???

  • Mojopo

    Remember when Al Sharpton was running in 2004? He said whatever he wanted to say, without filters – quite a bit of it was reality-based and made sense. Ron Paul is doing the same thing. They are the same kind of cranks. No filters, saying things many of us are thinking. But cranks all the same.

    Gee, how come Old White Ron can pull it off but Black Al could not? Wait-

    • BornInATrailer

      If Ron Paul started wearing track suits he could lock this thing up.

    • Guppy

      Becasue Al Sharpton was looking to be nominated by a party of pussies.

  • Callyson

    CNN adds:
    Paul also said Wednesday he had no idea who posted a snarky message about rival candidate Jon Huntsman on his official Twitter page.
    The post, which appeared late Tuesday as results were being complied in the Iowa caucuses, read: "@JonHuntsman, we found your one Iowa voter, he's in Linn precinct 5 you might want to call him and say thanks."
    "I didn't quite understand even what you just read, but, obviously, I didn't send it," Paul said.
    Somehow, I believe Ron Paul…

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Paul never wrote anything he published. Amazing stable of disowned ghostwriters.

    • I don't think Ron Paul sent it, but I wouldn't put it past some of his scampy little elves.

    • GOPCrusher

      I don't. Ron Paul's standard response to any question about something from his past is to deny any knowledge of it.

      • I thought it was to simply ignore it while his cult screamed about "media smears".

    • Guppy

      Ron Paul has never written or given approvals for anything that has his name on it.

      It'll make signing the bill to repeal the Civil Rights Act interesting, though.

    • tessiee

      However, he DID tweet that "Americans take too many holidays for broke country, lol".

    • Negropolis

      Ron Paul hasn't ever signed off on anything ever with his name affixed to it.

      I'm beginning to think that the man that is currently Ron Paul is actually some poor schllub they scrounged up at the asylum, and some nefarious other propping up his fizzle stole some poor man's indentity.

  • pinkocommi

    CNN calls Newt a "chickenhawk."
    I call Newt a "chickenshit."
    To each one's own.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Look, people — Newt's not a chickenhawk — he's just a connoisseur of wars. And just like wine, Newt will gladly get personally involved when it's vintage. He's terribly upset that this means he won't be able to participate in any of the fresh, just-harvested wars, but it's a longstanding policy of his: new wives, old wars — and never the other way around.

  • fuflans

    i hope newt keeps treading the political high ground.

    and i hope all the other candidates keep on insulting him.


    He was doing in-depth research on who to make his First Lady.

    • tessiee

      So, then, he was Pepe Le Pew?

  • Calista says Newt even *tastes* like chicken.

  • MaxNeanderthal

    The Yellow Elephant.
    A species native to the North American continent. Recognised by it's distinctive call;- "Cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck"
    Broad yellow stripe across belly is distinctive. Shit stains down legs frequently present in vicinity of (<1000 miles) hostile fire.

    • bikerlaureate

      "Let's you and them fight."

  • chascates

    Now Newt is going to have to savage Ron Paul for maligning his manhood as well as declaring war on Mitt Romney for calling him a liar (via a PAC). Look for a vacation in the Caribbean for him to plot his strategy.

  • owhatever

    Vietnam was screwed up enough without adding Newt to the mix. He would have lasted maybe a day and a half.

  • Whatever cockamamie libertarian bullshit Ron Paul brings to our political discourse, its all worth it when he says shit like this.

  • ttommyunger

    Cue Zombie Reagan to come staggering onstage mumbling shit about the Eleventh Commandment.

  • Puffperney

    Speaking as a VietNam vet, we wouldn't have wanted that whining, titty-baby over there with us anyway.

  • Negropolis

    Chicken-hawks sound like something that Newt would consume.

Previous articleRick Perry Still in This Thing, Because Governing Texas Is So Last Summer
Next articleObama Installs Consumer Chief, Officially Makes Citizens ‘Consumers’