TRUE FACTS  3:10 pm January 4, 2012

Ron Paul Correctly Observes That Newt Gingrich Is Massive Wimp

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

BAWK BAWK.

Remember back when Newt Gingrich was the confident, tuff-talking historarian lecturing anyone in sight on the dire stupidity of their every thought? Times have changed, since fourteen days ago! After having a thorough pout in Iowa, he quickly fled the state in shame and tears before the caucus results had even finished arriving. Newtie tried insulting bronze-medal-stealer Ron Paul with his usual barrage of extraneous mean adverbs and called Paul “stunningly dangerous” for being against Eternal Wars abroad, to which the DOKTOR gave a hilarious SNORT and reminded everyone that Newt Gingrich’s original Vietnam-era stance on Wars was “draft-dodging.” Put a more fun way, Paul noted that this makes Newt a “chickenhawk.”

Newt of course is only one of thousands of politicians who studiously avoided the draft before magically discovering the joys of warmongering, but this makes Newt Gingrich no less of a hypocritical whiner.

From CNN:

“You know, when Newt Gingrich was called to serve us in the 1960s during the Vietnam era, guess what he thought about danger? He chickened out on that and got deferments and didn’t even go,” Paul said. “So Newt Gingrich has no business talking about danger because he is putting other people in danger. Some people call that kind of a program a ‘chickenhawk’ and I think he falls into that category.”

Don’t insult your elders, Newt! They’re FEISTY. [CNN]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 135 comments }

nounverb911 January 4, 2012 at 3:14 pm

When does Paul call out Mitt's Parisian fling to avoid Vietnam?

PuglyDoRight January 4, 2012 at 5:44 pm

A Royale with cheese…no wait. That's something else.

Guppy January 4, 2012 at 10:42 pm

An Indochina with cheese.

Captain_Quark January 4, 2012 at 3:14 pm

If Ron Paul ever gets his meds adjusted, American politics will be a lot less amusing.

nounverb911 January 4, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Doctor, heal thyself?

LetUsBray January 4, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Twat Doctor, thrust thy hand up thyself?

user-of-owls January 4, 2012 at 5:08 pm

Oh, that was good. That was very good. Huzzah to you, Capitan!

Gratuitous World January 4, 2012 at 3:14 pm

for some reason, women keep fucking that chicken.

OkieDokieDog January 4, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Wasn't the current Mrs. Newt just giving him blowjobs, because family values and all that?

Guppy January 4, 2012 at 10:42 pm

In my twisted imagination, Newt converted to papism because that's the only way she'd allow him to go bareback.

Terry January 4, 2012 at 3:26 pm

…and thus the line of credit at Tiffany’s

C_R_Eature January 4, 2012 at 8:54 pm

I think the reason is called "Tiffany's".

tessiee January 4, 2012 at 11:23 pm

There are 500,000 reasons.

flamingpdog January 4, 2012 at 11:31 pm

They just love America too much.

Donner, Party of 1 January 4, 2012 at 3:15 pm

When an 80 year old lovable Disney character starts going all William Howard Taft on yer ass, it may be time to reassess.

NorthStarSpanx January 4, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Loveable Disney character? Turns out Nebbercracker from Monster House wasn't that bad, but I still wouldn't want him in the White House.

rickmaci January 4, 2012 at 5:20 pm

LMAO Donner. Hunter S. Thompson Award for best blog line of 2012 nominee. Year is young but hard to beat the elegant truth in your statement.

Guppy January 4, 2012 at 10:43 pm

They disavow Song of the South nowadays.

iburl January 4, 2012 at 3:15 pm

I hope Paul stays in as long as possible. He is occasionally correct about some things, which is a refreshing change from the rest of them.

YasserArraFeck January 4, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Along the lines of “a broken clock is right twice a day”

Spurning Beer January 4, 2012 at 3:39 pm

A clock that’s “a little slow” will be right much less often.

GOPCrusher January 4, 2012 at 4:47 pm

If he was running for President of Somalia, I think he would stand a good chance of winning.

LetUsBray January 4, 2012 at 10:12 pm

I'm convinced Paultard Nation's excuse for why libertarianism doesn't work in Somalia is that it's full of the wrong type of people, if you know what I mean. And I think you do.

glamourdammerung January 4, 2012 at 5:42 pm

Even a broken down, mentally feeble, racist clock is occasionally correct despite itself.

tessiee January 4, 2012 at 11:25 pm

And it's not like anyone else has the balls to call Newt out on his chickenhawk-ness.

Monsieur_Grumpe January 4, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Coincidently, Chickenhawk is Calista’s pet name for Newt’s wang.

LiveToServeYa January 4, 2012 at 3:37 pm

That’s one disgusting pecker.

gurukalehuru January 5, 2012 at 12:27 pm

I say, I say, I say, I'm not a chicken, boy. Over THERE is the chicken.

Barb January 4, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Ron Paul is raising eyebrows among those of us who have 'em.

MzNicky January 4, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Hey, Ron Paul's got eyebrows! And he paid good money for 'em too.

Buzz Feedback January 4, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Ron Paul is very proud of his service at Bunker Hill.

tessiee January 4, 2012 at 11:26 pm

In that case, maybe he can weigh in with his informed opinion of how George Washington dealt with potheads.

Lionel[redacted]Esq January 4, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Does this mean that Ron Paul is Foghorn Leghorn?

AlterNewt January 4, 2012 at 8:19 pm

Yes. I believe it does.

tessiee January 4, 2012 at 11:27 pm

Boy — I say Boy — what in tarnation are you talkin' about?
[pay attention when I'm talkin' to ya, Son]

BaldarTFlagass January 4, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Ron Paul could have really taken that "Chickenhawk" meme to the bank during the Bush II administration. But he didn't say boo. Guess he chickened out.

PalinzADummy January 4, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Yeah, he was remarkably quiet back when it would have counted, wasn't he?

GOPCrusher January 4, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Maybe he figures his time is growing short on this Earth and has decided to let it fly?

nounverb911 January 4, 2012 at 3:19 pm

You elect a president with the draft-dodgers you have, not the draft-dodgers you want.

Lionel[redacted]Esq January 4, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Actually, when was the last time that the Republicans had an actual war hero as a candidate? Last I checked, they just make fun of those who actually served with honor. (i.e. John Kerry).

JustPixelz January 4, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Yes. They mocked his Purple Heart(s). By doing so, they disparaged everyone who has gotten a Purple Heart. Shame on them.

Fukui_SanYesOta January 4, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Noted plane crasher Juan McCain?

Seriously though, that dude spent time in a prison camp. I'd say that counts.

Before that? Bush Sr was a WW2 naval aviator.

Dudleydidwrong January 4, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Walnuts? Doesn't count. All he did was crash airplanes well.

Rotundo_ January 4, 2012 at 6:34 pm

He is considered an ace in the People's Airforce of Vietnam (formerly the North Vietnamese Air Force).

pdiddycornchips January 4, 2012 at 4:37 pm

John McCain crashed his jet and spent a little time at the Hanoi Hilton. Getting buggered by the Vietcong doesn't make him John Wayne but at least it's something

GOPCrusher January 4, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Or how about Saxby Chambliss questioning Max Clelland's patriotism? I guess losing three limbs in the service of your country isn't good enough.
But the last Republiklan war hero? Eisenhower.

WunkRocker January 4, 2012 at 4:59 pm

It was Ike.
Was I the only one hoping for a massive Paultard victory in "Iowa" (a/k/a Is that even a State? a/k/a who cares?) Also.

Guppy January 5, 2012 at 12:18 am

C_R_Eature was right about candidates, but as far as elected presidents, both Nixon and Ford served.

Of course, when you lower the conscription age to 17 and seriously consider dropping it down to 16, you don't allow that "deferment" bullshit. Brokaw didn't mention that about the "Less-Than-Voluntary Generation."

(Deleted this the first time, then found a reliable source to back it up. Stupid conscience!)

YasserArraFeck January 4, 2012 at 11:14 pm

Saxby Chambliss should be taken out and buggered with a splintered fiddle* for his treatment of Max Cleland in 2002. And the Georgia pig-fuckers who swallowed his bullshit should get similar treatment.
* although having to go through life answering to "Saxby Chambliss" might be considered punishment enough

CessnaDriver January 7, 2012 at 6:38 pm

Max wasn't injured in combat, so it doesn't count to the repigs.

C_R_Eature January 4, 2012 at 9:01 pm

Bob Dole was a bona fide WWII vet, even got seriously shot up, I think in Italy.Don't know about the "Hero" bit, but at least he didn't scam 5 consecutive deferments, have his Daddy pull strings to assign him to the Champagne Air National Guard, develop a Pilodinal Cyst or any one of the number of "Brave Sir Robin" tactics Repubs seem to like.
"We don't go to war – We Have People For That."

BaldarTFlagass January 4, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Congressman Paul then commenced to reminisce about his experiences with the Abraham Lincoln Brigade back during the Spanish Civil War.

Dudleydidwrong January 4, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Wasn't his face one of those that Picasso painted? My bad. That was an ox.

Infrogmation January 4, 2012 at 9:00 pm

Oh? How many of those pinkos did he shoot?

Monsieur_Grumpe January 4, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Al Franken reading from his story Operation Chickenhawk.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ztY04FXxWXE

Lionel[redacted]Esq January 4, 2012 at 3:21 pm

You know who else loved to send young boys to die in war after doing everything s/he could do to avoid actual service?

baldartflagass January 4, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Just about every single Republican that has held office since 1975 or so?

SorosBot January 4, 2012 at 4:09 pm

All of 'em, Katie.

BaldarTFlagass January 4, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Almost every single Republican that has held office since about 1975 or so?

GOPCrusher January 4, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Idi Amin?

Veritas78 January 4, 2012 at 5:15 pm

I actually know this! It's Dick Cheney!!!

Do I get his heart-simulacrum for a prize?

C_R_Eature January 4, 2012 at 9:03 pm

This is unfair. I happen to know that Dick Cheney has the heart of a small boy.

He keeps it in a jar on his desk.

Negropolis January 5, 2012 at 1:29 am

I thought he kept it in a jar by the door?

magic_titty January 4, 2012 at 3:21 pm

He's more of a Foghorn Leghorn to me.

Elviouslyqueer January 4, 2012 at 3:38 pm
elviouslyqueer January 4, 2012 at 4:28 pm
smokefillednewyear January 4, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Newt would have shit his little baby pants in 'nam.

MzNicky January 4, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Newt never wore "little" anything. He would have shit his big fat crybaby pants in 'nam.

deanbooth January 4, 2012 at 5:01 pm

He needed two pairs of little baby pants, to shit in.

GOPCrusher January 4, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Newt would of been Private Pyle in Full Metal Jacket

KenLayIsAlive January 4, 2012 at 7:36 pm

"Is there a Tiffany's here?"

smokefillednewyear January 4, 2012 at 8:12 pm

Yes! In the Hanoi Hilton.

C_R_Eature January 4, 2012 at 9:05 pm

One Word. "Fragging".

That is All.

tessiee January 4, 2012 at 11:31 pm

Douglas C. Niedermeyer
Killed in Vietnam — by his own troops

C_R_Eature January 5, 2012 at 7:49 pm

…and now I'm chuckling to myself over a mental picture of a pudgy 20something Gingrich in an ill-fitting uniform being swept down Main Street by an enormous Black Hand.

Thank you.

SorosBot January 4, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Hey, the comments are all screwed up again. It’s been so long since I’ve weird squiggly-lined alien thingies!

And whoo, once IntenseDebate gets back to normal this comment will vanish!

weejee January 4, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Hey, the comments are all screwed up again. It’s been so long since I’ve weird squiggly-lined alien thingies!

Did She1ey toss a grenade into the server on her way out?

SorosBot January 4, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Either that or too much Santorum has gotten into the system and fucked everything up.

BaldarTFlagass January 4, 2012 at 3:37 pm

I’d give you a thumbs up for your comment, but I fucking can not do so.

smokefillednewyear January 4, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Just pretend! Click to the right of the avatar.

BaldarTFlagass January 4, 2012 at 3:39 pm

No thumbs up allowed. And I have my old Ron Perlman Name of the Rose avatar again. I haven’t used that for a long fucking time.

Elviouslyqueer January 4, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Chickenhawk, chickenshit… potato, potahtoe.

Neiltheblaze January 4, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Newt should have just left it at “Ron Paul is stunning!” – and who could argue with that?

kissawookiee January 4, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Looks more like a cockhead to me.

qwerty42 January 4, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Uh …. things look different.

smokefillednewyear January 4, 2012 at 3:48 pm

I didn’t know you had such a lovely green face!

weejee January 4, 2012 at 3:38 pm

She1ey musta tossed a grenade in the server on her way out.

starfanglednut January 4, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Even Calista says Newt tastes like chicken.

BaldarTFlagass January 4, 2012 at 3:42 pm

♫ Gonna leave a comment like it’s 1999 ♪

StarsUponThars January 4, 2012 at 3:42 pm

I thought a chickenhawk was an older gay man who prefers the company of the young ones. Live and learn.

LiveToServeYa January 4, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Again, Ron Paul hits that twice-a-day thing, when stopped clocks read correctly. Except his is more of a month-clock.

StarsUponThars January 4, 2012 at 3:45 pm

I thought a chickenhawk was an older gay man who preferred the company of a young man. Live and learn.

MrBlifil January 4, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Funny how IntenseDebate craps out at a time when Wonkette commenters are delivering unremitting body blows to GOP assholes (an a rhetorical invective sort of way). Hmmm…

pinkocommi January 4, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Some people look at Newt Gingrich and think, “Chickenhawk.” I look at Newt Gingrich and think, “Chickenshit.” To each one’s own.

Chillwaver January 4, 2012 at 4:16 pm

I just call Newt a “Chickenshit” or just simply a “Cock.” Mittens, on the other hand, is probably the biggest coward to ever run for Prez…

BarackMyWorld January 4, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Paul's winning strategy of attacking guys he's already ahead of continues…

Chillwaver January 4, 2012 at 4:17 pm

I just simply call Newt a "chickenshit" or a "cock." "Chickenhawk" would be an upgrade for him. French-venturing, Vietnam-skipin' Mittens, on the other hand, is prolly the biggest pussy to ever run for Prez.

Speaking of flakes, WTF is wrong with Intense Debate today???

PalinzADummy January 4, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Clean out your cache and log out and then relog in. Should take care of the problem.

GOPCrusher January 4, 2012 at 5:06 pm

That's why I eat a bran muffin everyday.

PalinzADummy January 4, 2012 at 6:09 pm

Dood, TMI!

FlownOver January 4, 2012 at 6:41 pm

"Today"???

Mojopo January 4, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Remember when Al Sharpton was running in 2004? He said whatever he wanted to say, without filters – quite a bit of it was reality-based and made sense. Ron Paul is doing the same thing. They are the same kind of cranks. No filters, saying things many of us are thinking. But cranks all the same.

Gee, how come Old White Ron can pull it off but Black Al could not? Wait-

BornInATrailer January 4, 2012 at 4:21 pm

If Ron Paul started wearing track suits he could lock this thing up.

Guppy January 4, 2012 at 10:54 pm

Becasue Al Sharpton was looking to be nominated by a party of pussies.

Callyson January 4, 2012 at 4:18 pm

CNN adds:
Paul also said Wednesday he had no idea who posted a snarky message about rival candidate Jon Huntsman on his official Twitter page.
The post, which appeared late Tuesday as results were being complied in the Iowa caucuses, read: "@JonHuntsman, we found your one Iowa voter, he's in Linn precinct 5 you might want to call him and say thanks."
"I didn't quite understand even what you just read, but, obviously, I didn't send it," Paul said.
Somehow, I believe Ron Paul…

Dudleydidwrong January 4, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Paul never wrote anything he published. Amazing stable of disowned ghostwriters.

PalinzADummy January 4, 2012 at 4:43 pm

I don't think Ron Paul sent it, but I wouldn't put it past some of his scampy little elves.

GOPCrusher January 4, 2012 at 5:09 pm

I don't. Ron Paul's standard response to any question about something from his past is to deny any knowledge of it.

glamourdammerung January 4, 2012 at 5:38 pm

I thought it was to simply ignore it while his cult screamed about "media smears".

Guppy January 4, 2012 at 10:56 pm

Ron Paul has never written or given approvals for anything that has his name on it.

It'll make signing the bill to repeal the Civil Rights Act interesting, though.

tessiee January 4, 2012 at 11:34 pm

However, he DID tweet that "Americans take too many holidays for broke country, lol".

Negropolis January 5, 2012 at 1:31 am

Ron Paul hasn't ever signed off on anything ever with his name affixed to it.

I'm beginning to think that the man that is currently Ron Paul is actually some poor schllub they scrounged up at the asylum, and some nefarious other propping up his fizzle stole some poor man's indentity.

pinkocommi January 4, 2012 at 4:24 pm

CNN calls Newt a "chickenhawk."
I call Newt a "chickenshit."
To each one's own.

SayItWithWookies January 4, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Look, people — Newt's not a chickenhawk — he's just a connoisseur of wars. And just like wine, Newt will gladly get personally involved when it's vintage. He's terribly upset that this means he won't be able to participate in any of the fresh, just-harvested wars, but it's a longstanding policy of his: new wives, old wars — and never the other way around.

fuflans January 4, 2012 at 4:28 pm

i hope newt keeps treading the political high ground.

and i hope all the other candidates keep on insulting him.

actor212 January 4, 2012 at 4:32 pm

NEWT WAS NOT A CHICKEN HAWK!

He was doing in-depth research on who to make his First Lady.

tessiee January 4, 2012 at 11:36 pm

So, then, he was Pepe Le Pew?

starfanglednut January 4, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Calista says Newt even *tastes* like chicken.

MaxNeanderthal January 4, 2012 at 4:39 pm

The Yellow Elephant.
A species native to the North American continent. Recognised by it's distinctive call;- "Cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck"
Broad yellow stripe across belly is distinctive. Shit stains down legs frequently present in vicinity of (<1000 miles) hostile fire.

bikerlaureate January 4, 2012 at 5:51 pm

"Let's you and them fight."

chascates January 4, 2012 at 6:02 pm

Now Newt is going to have to savage Ron Paul for maligning his manhood as well as declaring war on Mitt Romney for calling him a liar (via a PAC). Look for a vacation in the Caribbean for him to plot his strategy.

owhatever January 4, 2012 at 6:27 pm

Vietnam was screwed up enough without adding Newt to the mix. He would have lasted maybe a day and a half.

KenLayIsAlive January 4, 2012 at 7:34 pm

He'd have been fragged on the boat ride over.

KenLayIsAlive January 4, 2012 at 7:33 pm

Whatever cockamamie libertarian bullshit Ron Paul brings to our political discourse, its all worth it when he says shit like this.

ttommyunger January 4, 2012 at 7:37 pm

Cue Zombie Reagan to come staggering onstage mumbling shit about the Eleventh Commandment.

Puffperney January 4, 2012 at 10:40 pm

Speaking as a VietNam vet, we wouldn't have wanted that whining, titty-baby over there with us anyway.

Negropolis January 5, 2012 at 1:33 am

Chicken-hawks sound like something that Newt would consume.

PalinzADummy January 4, 2012 at 4:32 pm

I coulda sworn I saw him at The Burning Bush.

prommie January 4, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Nitrite.

Frisbeedawg January 4, 2012 at 6:25 pm

Newt, right?

glamourdammerung January 4, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Given his screeds about that group and his close associates, I somehow doubt Papa Doc was hanging out with the Jews.

PalinzADummy January 4, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Oy, I'd forgotten what a rabid racist he is. He seems so much less … *current* with his hate.

glamourdammerung January 4, 2012 at 6:26 pm

Sorry, but dealing with folks trying to claim there is no proof of the Holocaust is so appalling stupid that it is pretty hard to forget.

PalinzADummy January 4, 2012 at 6:33 pm

Mea maxima culpa! (flogs self unconscious with hefty hanks of hessian)

tessiee January 4, 2012 at 11:33 pm

Anal Nitrate

ftfy

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