true facts

Ron Paul Correctly Observes That Newt Gingrich Is Massive Wimp

BAWK BAWK.

Remember back when Newt Gingrich was the confident, tuff-talking historarian lecturing anyone in sight on the dire stupidity of their every thought? Times have changed, since fourteen days ago! After having a thorough pout in Iowa, he quickly fled the state in shame and tears before the caucus results had even finished arriving. Newtie tried insulting bronze-medal-stealer Ron Paul with his usual barrage of extraneous mean adverbs and called Paul “stunningly dangerous” for being against Eternal Wars abroad, to which the DOKTOR gave a hilarious SNORT and reminded everyone that Newt Gingrich’s original Vietnam-era stance on Wars was “draft-dodging.” Put a more fun way, Paul noted that this makes Newt a “chickenhawk.”

Newt of course is only one of thousands of politicians who studiously avoided the draft before magically discovering the joys of warmongering, but this makes Newt Gingrich no less of a hypocritical whiner.

From CNN:

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“You know, when Newt Gingrich was called to serve us in the 1960s during the Vietnam era, guess what he thought about danger? He chickened out on that and got deferments and didn’t even go,” Paul said. “So Newt Gingrich has no business talking about danger because he is putting other people in danger. Some people call that kind of a program a ‘chickenhawk’ and I think he falls into that category.”

Don’t insult your elders, Newt! They’re FEISTY. [CNN]

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135 comments

    1. OkieDokieDog

      Wasn't the current Mrs. Newt just giving him blowjobs, because family values and all that?

      1. Guppy

        In my twisted imagination, Newt converted to papism because that's the only way she'd allow him to go bareback.

    1. NorthStarSpanx

      Loveable Disney character? Turns out Nebbercracker from Monster House wasn't that bad, but I still wouldn't want him in the White House.

    2. rickmaci

      LMAO Donner. Hunter S. Thompson Award for best blog line of 2012 nominee. Year is young but hard to beat the elegant truth in your statement.

  1. iburl

    I hope Paul stays in as long as possible. He is occasionally correct about some things, which is a refreshing change from the rest of them.

    1. GOPCrusher

      If he was running for President of Somalia, I think he would stand a good chance of winning.

      1. LetUsBray

        I'm convinced Paultard Nation's excuse for why libertarianism doesn't work in Somalia is that it's full of the wrong type of people, if you know what I mean. And I think you do.

    1. tessiee

      In that case, maybe he can weigh in with his informed opinion of how George Washington dealt with potheads.

      1. tessiee

        Boy — I say Boy — what in tarnation are you talkin' about?
        [pay attention when I'm talkin' to ya, Son]

  2. BaldarTFlagass

    Ron Paul could have really taken that "Chickenhawk" meme to the bank during the Bush II administration. But he didn't say boo. Guess he chickened out.

  3. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Actually, when was the last time that the Republicans had an actual war hero as a candidate? Last I checked, they just make fun of those who actually served with honor. (i.e. John Kerry).

    1. Fukui_SanYesOta

      Noted plane crasher Juan McCain?

      Seriously though, that dude spent time in a prison camp. I'd say that counts.

      Before that? Bush Sr was a WW2 naval aviator.

      1. Rotundo_

        He is considered an ace in the People's Airforce of Vietnam (formerly the North Vietnamese Air Force).

    2. pdiddycornchips

      John McCain crashed his jet and spent a little time at the Hanoi Hilton. Getting buggered by the Vietcong doesn't make him John Wayne but at least it's something

    3. GOPCrusher

      Or how about Saxby Chambliss questioning Max Clelland's patriotism? I guess losing three limbs in the service of your country isn't good enough.
      But the last Republiklan war hero? Eisenhower.

      1. WunkRocker

        It was Ike.
        Was I the only one hoping for a massive Paultard victory in "Iowa" (a/k/a Is that even a State? a/k/a who cares?) Also.

        1. Guppy

          C_R_Eature was right about candidates, but as far as elected presidents, both Nixon and Ford served.

          Of course, when you lower the conscription age to 17 and seriously consider dropping it down to 16, you don't allow that "deferment" bullshit. Brokaw didn't mention that about the "Less-Than-Voluntary Generation."

          (Deleted this the first time, then found a reliable source to back it up. Stupid conscience!)

      2. YasserArraFeck

        Saxby Chambliss should be taken out and buggered with a splintered fiddle* for his treatment of Max Cleland in 2002. And the Georgia pig-fuckers who swallowed his bullshit should get similar treatment.
        * although having to go through life answering to "Saxby Chambliss" might be considered punishment enough

    4. C_R_Eature

      Bob Dole was a bona fide WWII vet, even got seriously shot up, I think in Italy.Don't know about the "Hero" bit, but at least he didn't scam 5 consecutive deferments, have his Daddy pull strings to assign him to the Champagne Air National Guard, develop a Pilodinal Cyst or any one of the number of "Brave Sir Robin" tactics Repubs seem to like.
      "We don't go to war – We Have People For That."

  4. BaldarTFlagass

    Congressman Paul then commenced to reminisce about his experiences with the Abraham Lincoln Brigade back during the Spanish Civil War.

  5. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    You know who else loved to send young boys to die in war after doing everything s/he could do to avoid actual service?

      1. C_R_Eature

        This is unfair. I happen to know that Dick Cheney has the heart of a small boy.

        He keeps it in a jar on his desk.

        1. C_R_Eature

          …and now I'm chuckling to myself over a mental picture of a pudgy 20something Gingrich in an ill-fitting uniform being swept down Main Street by an enormous Black Hand.

          Thank you.

  6. SorosBot

    Hey, the comments are all screwed up again. It’s been so long since I’ve weird squiggly-lined alien thingies!

    And whoo, once IntenseDebate gets back to normal this comment will vanish!

    1. weejee

      Hey, the comments are all screwed up again. It’s been so long since I’ve weird squiggly-lined alien thingies!

      Did She1ey toss a grenade into the server on her way out?

    2. BaldarTFlagass

      No thumbs up allowed. And I have my old Ron Perlman Name of the Rose avatar again. I haven’t used that for a long fucking time.

  7. Neiltheblaze

    Newt should have just left it at “Ron Paul is stunning!” – and who could argue with that?

  8. StarsUponThars

    I thought a chickenhawk was an older gay man who prefers the company of the young ones. Live and learn.

  9. LiveToServeYa

    Again, Ron Paul hits that twice-a-day thing, when stopped clocks read correctly. Except his is more of a month-clock.

  10. StarsUponThars

    I thought a chickenhawk was an older gay man who preferred the company of a young man. Live and learn.

  11. MrBlifil

    Funny how IntenseDebate craps out at a time when Wonkette commenters are delivering unremitting body blows to GOP assholes (an a rhetorical invective sort of way). Hmmm…

  12. pinkocommi

    Some people look at Newt Gingrich and think, “Chickenhawk.” I look at Newt Gingrich and think, “Chickenshit.” To each one’s own.

  13. Chillwaver

    I just call Newt a “Chickenshit” or just simply a “Cock.” Mittens, on the other hand, is probably the biggest coward to ever run for Prez…

  14. Chillwaver

    I just simply call Newt a "chickenshit" or a "cock." "Chickenhawk" would be an upgrade for him. French-venturing, Vietnam-skipin' Mittens, on the other hand, is prolly the biggest pussy to ever run for Prez.

    Speaking of flakes, WTF is wrong with Intense Debate today???

  15. Mojopo

    Remember when Al Sharpton was running in 2004? He said whatever he wanted to say, without filters – quite a bit of it was reality-based and made sense. Ron Paul is doing the same thing. They are the same kind of cranks. No filters, saying things many of us are thinking. But cranks all the same.

    Gee, how come Old White Ron can pull it off but Black Al could not? Wait-

  16. Callyson

    CNN adds:
    Paul also said Wednesday he had no idea who posted a snarky message about rival candidate Jon Huntsman on his official Twitter page.
    The post, which appeared late Tuesday as results were being complied in the Iowa caucuses, read: "@JonHuntsman, we found your one Iowa voter, he's in Linn precinct 5 you might want to call him and say thanks."
    "I didn't quite understand even what you just read, but, obviously, I didn't send it," Paul said.
    Somehow, I believe Ron Paul…

    1. GOPCrusher

      I don't. Ron Paul's standard response to any question about something from his past is to deny any knowledge of it.

    2. Guppy

      Ron Paul has never written or given approvals for anything that has his name on it.

      It'll make signing the bill to repeal the Civil Rights Act interesting, though.

    3. Negropolis

      Ron Paul hasn't ever signed off on anything ever with his name affixed to it.

      I'm beginning to think that the man that is currently Ron Paul is actually some poor schllub they scrounged up at the asylum, and some nefarious other propping up his fizzle stole some poor man's indentity.

  17. SayItWithWookies

    Look, people — Newt's not a chickenhawk — he's just a connoisseur of wars. And just like wine, Newt will gladly get personally involved when it's vintage. He's terribly upset that this means he won't be able to participate in any of the fresh, just-harvested wars, but it's a longstanding policy of his: new wives, old wars — and never the other way around.

  18. fuflans

    i hope newt keeps treading the political high ground.

    and i hope all the other candidates keep on insulting him.

  19. MaxNeanderthal

    The Yellow Elephant.
    A species native to the North American continent. Recognised by it's distinctive call;- "Cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck"
    Broad yellow stripe across belly is distinctive. Shit stains down legs frequently present in vicinity of (<1000 miles) hostile fire.

  20. chascates

    Now Newt is going to have to savage Ron Paul for maligning his manhood as well as declaring war on Mitt Romney for calling him a liar (via a PAC). Look for a vacation in the Caribbean for him to plot his strategy.

  21. owhatever

    Vietnam was screwed up enough without adding Newt to the mix. He would have lasted maybe a day and a half.

  22. ttommyunger

    Cue Zombie Reagan to come staggering onstage mumbling shit about the Eleventh Commandment.

  23. Puffperney

    Speaking as a VietNam vet, we wouldn't have wanted that whining, titty-baby over there with us anyway.

Comments are closed.