for the love of god

McCain to Be For Romney After Being Against Him

i continue to surprise myself

During Iowa’s caucus coverage Tuesday night, some time around thirteen o’clock, in between the 98th and 99th time Wolf Blitzer assured us that “we’re watching this vee-ee-ery closely,” a message flashed on the screen that Senator John McCain, former thingy, plans to endorse Mitt Romney as the GOP nominee. Turns out McCain has no respect for the transcendent discussion surrounding the Great Iowa Tie, and will endorse Romney today in New Hampshire, where the candidate has fled after his blithering Sudafed overdose of an Iowa tie-speech Tuesday night. How many of you saw this coming? Everybody? Great.

Here’s the thing. No. I mean more specifically, what position has Romney promised McCain to shut/open him up? These two men despised each other, or so it appeared four years ago (here is just one of many examples of the seething disdain). Despite what McCalin became a few years ago and how it has caused us to forget he exists until now, we can delight in imagining that getting McCain to endorse Romney must have been a trip, e.g. pulling teeth/herding cats/rolling a boulder up a mountain/other Sisyphian tasks. But he did it, by god!

Romney, being a blank slate upon which McCain can most easily project a conceptual 2012 Republican nominee, does make McCain’s job of having to be in the spotlight and do vaguely influential things easier. There’s no one else McCain could stomach endorsing, ideologically. The closest best thing would probably be Jon Huntsman, but McCain’s not about to endorse him, chiefly because Huntsman’s campaign is helmed by John Weaver, who was McCain’s strategist for a very long time until they broke up in July of 2007. (Weaver does seem to be a magnet for drama and dissension, with some Huntsman defectors/gossips crediting Weaver with that campaign’s problems. But that’s another very zzzzzz story.) For McCain, more upstanding people to thumb up aren’t running/don’t exist.

That leaves Romney, which is a phrase that will continue to chase us through the woods of our darkest night terrors. [LA Times]

About the author

Liz is a writer. She has written for this site, evidently, and also The Awl, The San Francisco Chronicle, NPR, The Economist and others. She is the author of a short story collection, Cover Story.

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  • nounverb911

    Senility's a bitch.

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    FLIP! FLOP! FLIP! FLOP!

    • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

      FLOP! FLIP! I have always said FLOP! FLIP!

  • http://thethingsrepublicanshate.com/ Chillwaver

    Headline: "Pandering Asshole Endorses Pandering Asshole."

    • GeorgiaBurning

      How soon does Lieberman jump on the shitwagon?

  • nounverb911

    Mitt, whatever you do, don't let Walnuts pilot your campaign plane.

  • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

    Alt-text — "mccainmouthgape" — could be, um, less Canadian. Howzabout: "You called Mr Koch?" Or "Move along, nothing to see in here". Or "Now do I look like Newt?"

    • pbrex

      HENNGHH!

    • SexySmurf

      "What do you mean they cancelled Murder, She Wrote!"

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Maybe the Hallmark Channel will bring "Matlock" out of hiatus.

  • Wilcoxyz

    When has a hotly anticipated McCain pick not succeeded?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Winners endorsing winners!!!

    • NorthStarSpanx

      Cavuto asks Palin if she regrets not getting into the race:

      "No, You know why? I don't think, at this time of my life that I'm really wired to be one, to be singing the 'pick me, pick me, I'm smarter than you are.' You know 'I'm more equipped than you are. Pick me.' I've never been able to do that.

      Yeah, it's so much easier to be picked from obscurity and without earnin a rightful place on a ticket. She couldn't last eight weeks on the national campaign trail, can you imagine her bouncing up and down and begging voters to 'pick her,' instead of anoint her?

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    This is good news for John McCain!

  • memzilla

    Walnutz For Wingnutz!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    You go to war on Obama with the rich white elitist asshole you have, not the rich white elitist asshole you are.

    • An_Outhouse

      even if their alien wives are indistinguishable – oh wait- that's the other white asshole

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Would Maverick endorse Iceman? No way. Way to be all Mavericky there Maverick.

    • Chichikovovich

      With this endorsement, once again McCain's mouth writes a check (cheque*) that his ass can't cash!

      *Canukistani translation

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Maybe Romney will join him in serenading Nancy Pelosi in a duet of "You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin'"

  • Fare la Volpe

    Who's John McCain?

    • KeepFnThatChicken

      Some dude who got beat up by a black man in late 2008. After that, he was shit on by some grandmother, his daughter used sex to sell a book, and his wife contravened his stance on homophobia.

      A real nobody.

    • http://littlegreenfootballs.com/article/39308_Breitbarts_Fans_Spew_Racism_Call_for_President_Obama_t glamourdammerung

      He was the guy that disobeyed an order, got shot down for his stupidity, then promptly sang like a songbird to the enemy. Then he decided to sic Palin on the political /reality television landscape because apparently he felt he had not shown enough contempt for this country.

  • memzilla

    Say, you know who else got a ringing political endorsement from an aging war hero who previously hated him… ?

    • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

      HITLER!!!!!
      ~

    • johnnymeatworth

      Ronald Reagan?

    • Fare la Volpe
    • BaldarTFlagass

      Dwight Eisenhower, by Douglas MacArthur? It sure wasn't Harry Truman.

    • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

      Dubya Bush endorsed by his father?

    • satyricrash

      That's right, Frank Stallone.

    • SorosBot

      Julius Caesar? 'Course him and Pompey eventually went back to hating each other.

    • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Negligently_Joe

      John McCain? For certain definitions of "ringing" "aging" and "war hero".

    • An_Outhouse

      John Kerry?

    • Negropolis

      President Paulie von Hindenburg libel!

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    Why isn't McCain running? He won it last time.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    This is good news for Mitt Romney!!!

  • freakishlywrong

    Awesome! They held their noses and voted for the guy that's going to endorse a candidate they'll have to hold their noses in order to vote for him.

    </rabbithole>

    • Biff

      The human centipede just keeps on going. And growing.

  • SorosBot

    Guess McCain had to do something to prove that, contrary to what everyone assumed, he's not dead yet.

  • Baconzgood

    Who?

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    But what does $arah $ay?
    ~

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      FOR ONLY $19.95. AND, IF YOU ACT IMMEDIATELY FOR FREEDUMB'S SAKE WE WILL INCLUDE ABSOLUTELY FREE……"

      or something like that

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Mitt doesn't have that kind of money.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Is this what all the commen'taters meant last night as I heard the oft-repeated "…so this is going to be a verrrrry interesting race to watch": one endorsement after the other by fogies so past their own prime 'renewal' vows would be beside the point?

    Normally I'm operating w/ the sound turned down but last night opted to listen instead, to each candidate — each of whom oddly enough sounded more coherent and forthright and confident in their speeches (excepting Ron Paul's doofy plug for the cookbook bearing his wife's mug) than they sounded in the debates. It was enough to induce a reverie of a time the adversarial corps wasn't a hothouse full of fleecers and McCain himself commanded some respect – – bipartisan, even. Today I don't even know how his support lends Mitts any credibility, as I don't believe many Repubs will assert McCain even speaks for them anymore.

    • MissTaken

      "each of whom oddly enough sounded more coherent and forthright and confident in their speeches"

      TELEpROMpTERZ!1!

  • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

    While John McCain was getting shot down and ended up in the Hanoi Hilton, Mitt Romney was living in France as Mormon missionary. Perhaps he spent some time in a Paris Hilton.

    • nounverb911

      Though Mitt did manage to kill his boss's wife while in France.

    • KeepFnThatChicken

      My, things have changed. I didn't even know Hilton had a hotel in Hanoi. If they're that friendly to US business, why did we leave?

    • philpjfry

      Who hasn't spent time in Paris Hilton…….too easy?

      • DahBoner

        I would have guessed the trashed out a Paris Mariott, since they could get the Magic Underwear discount…

  • prommie

    McCain probably made Romney promise NOT to run with Palin, or appoint her to any office.

  • littlebigdaddy

    As the last non-Hobbit in the gooper race, Mittens was bound to get Walnuts' endorsement. Because, you know, WALNUTS HATES HOBBITS!!!!!!! HENGH!!!!!!!!!!

    • GOPCrusher

      This can only further disenfranchise the Tea Bagger demographic.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Fuck McCain, who's going to get the highly coveted David Duke endorsement?

  • Callyson

    Walnuts will do anything to be Secretary of Defense, won't he? Watch, if/when Obama gets re – elected he'll start saying he was for the Democratic ticket all along…

    • UW8316154

      Cain already called dibs on the Defense Department.

    • GOPCrusher

      Remember in 2004, when McCain's name was being mentioned as a possible Kerry running mate? Good times.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Does this mean McWalnutz isn't anal enough to like Santorum?

  • justkillmenow

    I don't get the endorsement thing. Who gives a crap that McCain is waving his useless baby dinosaur arms for Mittens?

    • DaRooster

      Oh FUCK!!

      (beaut… I demand more upfists for thee)

  • gullywompr

    The Paultards won't stand for this…

  • Chichikovovich

    Not since Bob Dole (as Republican leader in the Senate) endorsed Oliver North for the Senate in Virginia has a politically motivated endorsement been dragged from the clutches of such evident deep-seated loathing.

  • ttommyunger

    Cool! Now if he could just get the Colbert Bump, Mrs. Mormon Breeder could start measuring for drapes in the WH.

  • paris biltong

    Politics makes strange bedfellows? To the extent we're talking about actual politics and actual fellows, maybe. But this is just a power game between robots.

  • meatlofer

    McCain does make a good tater tot.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I'm sure the 'baggers have been waiting to hear who John McCain was endorsing to finally consolidate their support.

    However, this should help Romney secure the vote of those over 70 who are scared of black people because they get all uppity.

  • chascates

    John McCain, Romney's Secretary of Flip-Flops.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    His daughter is blathering on MSNBC like she knows WTH she's talking about. Yet another annoying woman Walnuts has foisted upon an undeserving public!

    Shouldn't she be doing what all rich trust fund babies do–nothing!

    • MissTaken

      Oh I'm sure Megs does plenty: anal, oral, threeway, bukkake, etc

      • SorosBot

        You're trying to get us all excited, hot and bothered again, aren't you?

        • MissTaken

          We all have our roles to play.

  • Fukui_SanYesOta

    So the guy who beat the guy last time – just to get beaten by Bammaz – is endorsing the guy he beat last time?

    Are they all intending to just say "fuck it" and audition to play for the Washington Generals? I mean, really.

  • philpjfry

    Eh, McCain probably forgot he doesn't like him

  • SayItWithWookies

    This'll definitely help Mitt get the votes of all those Republicans McCain hasn't pissed off yet — the old establishment party figures who didn't quite toe the line completely, or who at least respected John McCain's independent thinking. So Joe Lieberman, I guess.

  • http://littlegreenfootballs.com/article/39308_Breitbarts_Fans_Spew_Racism_Call_for_President_Obama_t glamourdammerung

    It is McCain. He probably changed his "mind" a dozen times before his morning diaper change.

  • x111e7thst

    Zombie Walnuts!

  • OneYieldRegular

    What? You didn't go for the "Santorum Surges From Behind" headline for this story?

  • owhatever

    I'm sure this pleases Rush and his Redneck posse.

  • CapeClod

    McCain is just willing to nominate anyone who has the most houses.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Very Good Point. McCain probably admires anyone that is super rich and didn't have to do anything to get that way.

  • Fukui_SanYesOta

    Does the coveted Panamanian Strongman endorsement come with a side dish of Joe the Plumber?

    I ask because I think what Ramley's campaign really needs is another irrelevant-since-2008 doofus.

  • memzilla
    • jus_wonderin

      Sorry, but I did actually LOL at that. Hehe.

  • GregComlish

    He's probably just doing it to spite Sarah Palin

  • Goonemeritus

    This is shaping up to be a replay of 2007 were the Republican establishment wanted Romney and all the candidates found common ground trying to sink Romney’s campaign. In fact I predict Newt will be heard uttering “To the last, I grapple with thee; From Hell's heart, I stab at thee; for hate's sake, I spit my last breath at thee”

    • jus_wonderin

      McCAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • SorosBot

      Well Newt does show signs of two-dimensional thinking.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      It as better in the original Klingon.

  • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

    Welcome, Liz!

    A word of advice: Wonkette tradition requires adding ALT text to images. In this case, for example, "Invisible Corndog."

    • BaldarTFlagass

      It took Kirsten a couple weeks to get the hang of the alt text, let's give our new contributor some time…

      • jus_wonderin

        Can we still get the corndog though????

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Also, Wonkette tradition requires all female writers to post nude photos of themselves within the first full week of posting.

  • dadanarchist

    Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

  • Nostrildamus

    Story is like the pic: The Translucent Fellates The Transparent.

  • http://drpaul2012.wordpress.com Donner, Party of 1

    Yay! McCain is a Maverick again. How does he do it???

  • UW8316154

    Get off my lawn!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Tangential, but now I see that Perry has decided to head for South Carolina and keep his dick firmly inserted in the hornet's nest.

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    Romney-McCain 2012! (barf, barf, choke, brought up in my own mouth)

  • hagajim

    Who fuckin' cares! Walnuts is so old I'm surprised he doesn't think he's endorsing Lincoln.

  • Bluestatelibel

    I seem to remember McCain endorsing someone as his vice presidential candidate – where is he/she now – oh yeah, it-was-whats-her-name, now safely ensconced in the American equivalent of Siberia. If I was Romney, I wouldn't accept McCain's endorsement – McCain's got the midas touch in reverse.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      "McCain's got the gold finger in reverse."

      Maybe that's why Walnuts is endorsing him. He knows everything he touches turns to shit and this is his way of fucking with Mittens.

  • Dashboard Buddha

    I am more and more convinced.

  • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

    Good to see men of conviction sticking up for one another. If Romney can get the coveted Cheney endorsement as well, he'll be rolling into the White House in no time.

  • MissTaken

    Funny. The Mormon Majik Underroos Man gets endorsed by the guy who's wife's money came from beer. I guess the GOP really is the big tent party.

  • Barrelhse

    OT, but that animated Comfort Zone ad on the page actually gave me a migraine. Srsly.

  • mavenmaven

    In summary: The Koch Bros have spoken.

  • Gainsbourg69

    His fat, stupid daughter was just stumping for Romney on MSNBC in her own half-tarded way.

  • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

    Romney. Every time I see this cyborg, it reminds me how I learned all these ridiculous, sleazy things about him 4 years ago! How many times does this Politibot have to impose his remarkably unremarkable, yet completely-without-character life story on an unwilling public? That's what happens when you're an asshole with 250,000,000 dollars in the bank: you can spend the money to annoy that many more people than us Poors.

  • Limeylizzie

    Fabulous splitscreen on MSNBC with Hopey all rested and talking about consumer protection with full sound on and the other screen has Walnuts mouthing something angrily , please check it out, you will thank me.

    • Gainsbourg69

      He was so chilled that he started talking about pie right in the middle of his speech and then went back to what he was saying without missing a beat. Obama's so going to kick the shit out of Romney in the general.

      • Limeylizzie

        Wasn't that great? I have the love back .

        • Gainsbourg69

          Yup. I also dig how he calls older ladies miss. It sounds neighborly.

  • AlaskaGrrl

    The kiss of death. No, really, isn't Walnuts dead?

  • jus_wonderin

    That photo of Walnuts is screaming for a "corndog".

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    I'm Crash Alzheimers and I approve of this… of this… um…

  • DaRooster

    Wow… Romney definitely is Pro-War huh?

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    isn't the more important question: Who has Megs, or at least her breast, endorsed?

    • Gainsbourg69

      She's for Romney eventhough she stole his campaign's yard signs during the last repub primaries. She knows how to toe the line just like her daddy.

  • crybabyboehner

    Is this the same John McCain who thought Sarah Palin should be Vice President?

  • user-of-owls

    I defy any of you to say that Walnutz wasn't separated at birth from this fella.

  • Limeylizzie

    Michelle 2 Ls probably had something to do with it.

  • http://littlegreenfootballs.com/article/39308_Breitbarts_Fans_Spew_Racism_Call_for_President_Obama_t glamourdammerung

    I had the "pleasure" of seeing this while in the waiting room of the eye doctor earlier and was pretty impressed. I do not think McCain has tried to work that hard for anyone since the North Vietnamese. Willard must have gave him some apricots.

  • fuflans

    man walnuts just never got over losing to bamz did he?

    gross.

  • Negropolis

    This is typical, spiteful McCain. He's only endorsing Romney, because he's still sore over the thorough rogering Obama gave him in 2008, just like McCain turned on Bush & Co. purely out of spite over what Bush did to McCain in South Carolina. Maverick my ass. McCain is a little whiney-assed bitch.

  • DahBoner

    Tell us again how you used to wear an onion on your belt, gramps…