Michele Bachmann finished in, what, negative 86th place in the Iowa caucuses last night? That it is Pretty Bad, but come on, let’s not panic here. This is also just a lousy fact, and since when have facts ever gotten in the way of Michele’s plans for world domination? WHAT IS THIS?
Republican presidential hopeful Michele Bachmann canceled her campaign trip to South Carolina on Wednesday after a dismal showing in the Iowa caucuses.
Campaign manager Keith Nahigian told The Associated Press that the Minnesota congresswoman planned a news conference in Iowa late Wednesday morning. Nahigian would not say whether Bachmann intends to drop out.
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Dropping out of the race? Hopefully, the human race.
Can't drop out of a race you were never a part of, Barb.
Did you see her speech yesterday, the one with her mother on stage with her? Her mother kept licking her lips, lizard-style. Other than that, she appeared to be scared out of her head. It was plain to see where teh cray-cray came from, is what I'm saying.
Guess she won't be bumping tacos with Nikki Haley after all.
Two girls, one burrito supreme?
With special Santorum sauce.
Tortilla libel!
So long, my pretty!
Perhaps she will go hide in a cave for three days, and come back out with a resurrected campaign.
And if she sees her shadow, that means another 6 goddamn weeks of Repug debates?
Too Jewish!
It would take a bit of Shootspaw, would it not?
One L Michele is a quitter. Lou Sarah should have run. She's no quitter. She would have… oh hell. Never mind.
I stole this for my facebook status update. I haven't updated in months, but fly in and say something repugnant to any Republitards foolishly still reading my updates. I've narrowed the pack, much the way I've narrowed my debate watching company to my pretend friends on "my" wonkette. If you're not a Democrat, then piss on you, moran who wanted to "friend" me.
ha! I updated mine this morning with this: God Apologizes for Glut of Republicans Who Say He Called Them to Run in 2012: "One Night I Butt-Dialed Five People w/out Even Realizing" – from The Daily Edge – LOL
Probably just a logistical issue getting that semi full of meds to the East Coast.
Remember some of the dumb shit Michele said on the campaign trail? "Planned Parenthood is like the LensCrafters of abortions." Buh bye, you "Costco of crazy" bitch!
Buy 5 lattes, get a free abortion!
Isn't it 2 packs of bubble gum?
I ignore Mattress Mary "Betty Boop" Failin Fallin, so I don't know which of the clown acts, if any, she has endorsed. Do you know? I assume she'll just wait to see who gets the nom and then endorse him, given that no-neck bitch's political conviction.
Keith Nahi…uh… Nahig… Nah… gonna work here anymore anyway…
Oh, Na hi gidn't…
According to the Jesus-voice in her head, Michele won Iowa and Marcus is straight as a laser.
And another bus off the road!
See, she cares about the environment.
Frankly, I'm surprised she's actually able to read the writing on the wall. God, it seems, has other plans for her after all.
Maybe the writing was on a pancake in the shape of the Virgin Mary.
God is all like, "Psych, you crazy bitch. And if you see Perry tell him to stop saying he knows me. Please, not even if I was gay."
It's really a pity, in a way. I was looking forward to seeing Marcus Bachmann in chiffon and a tasteful pillbox hat, reprising Jackie Kennedy's famous White House tour. "And here's where Jeff Gannon and I sleep…"
Oh crap, reminded me of the Vaughn Meader parody of her giving a tour of the artwork in the White House: "Here's a painting, here's another one, here's a great big one, and here's a little tiny one over here…"
Vaughn Meader, for the uninitiated.
Where is the press conference being held? I want to throw cabbages at her while she admits defeat. Its… sort of been a dream of mine…
Drat. And here I was looking forward to the barely sublimated homoerotic tension spewing forth when Marcus finally got to meet Lindsey Graham.
You mean meet not through a hole in a wall in a truck stop bathroom?
This is bad news for Kristen Wiig; luckily SNL still has several dozen other unfunny annoying characters for her to play.
Wanna bet there's a double header waiting on the campaign bus for the grieving Bachmanns to make the beast with no backs (since they don't look at each other during pity sexy time)?
Michele and Marcus are widely credited with the invention of the "96" sexual position.
But Michele didn't quit Marcus after finding out, that, you know. Why wake up to reality now? Bachmann/ Haggard 2012.
Let me guess: God told her to drop out.
I find this development alarming. Mainly because I have money riding on Rick Perry being the next one to drop out of the race.
She's quitting to spend more time with the voices in her head.
I encourage all of you to join me in sending Bachmann letters and phonecalls of support so that she will stay in this clown car race for as long as possible.
Like Randy Newman sez, It's Money That Matters"
I'll miss you most of all, Scarecrow.
I'll miss wonkette's treasury of very, extraordinary,classic photos of this scarecrow stuffed with Crazy.
Through early morning fog I see,
visions of the things to be
the pains that are reserved for me
I realize and I can see
that suicide is painless
it brings on many changes
and Michele may take it pretty please
God is testing her faith.
No amount of Mother's Little Helpers is going to change the fact she got wiped out by the tidal wave of Santorum… support.
Oh well, at least we'll have that Corn Dog photo.
She was just afraid the HPV vaccines would make her mentally ret@rded and the libruls in DC would turn Marcus gay.
She never was one to see past the end of her nose, likely from all the pills she takes.
Teh Beebs has it as:
Iowa caucuses: Romney pips Santorum
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-1640441...
Anyone know which 'pip' they mean?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pip
My guess is "percentage in point." Though I've never heard it used as a verb…
Verbing weirds language.
What? In that link, it looks like the Beeb lumps us into the same spot as Canada. American Exceptionalism, you Marmite eating limeys.
Keith Nahigian? Nahigian? Sounds Kenyan to me. I'm pretty sure he's not welcome in South Carolina, anyways.
How will Michele blame this on the LSM? She only got five times more press coverage than Santorum got. It must be a liberal conspiracy to keep her out of the news.
It was all those deceptive editing tactics used by the LSM, to make her look nuts in literally every single public appearance she made, ever. OBVIOUSLY
What they didn't show us is the LSM terrorist kidnapper standing off camera with guns to each of the 23 childrens' heads, forcing her to say all they crazy shit on tv all the time.
As a nation, we simply cannot afford to entertain a pre-1/4 mentality.
Bachmann determined to speak in U.S
The liberal media really sucks. If they were doing their job of biasing Real Americans™, we would be celebrating year 15 of the Gore administration, Alito and Roberts would be flipping burgers somewhere and Speaker of the House Dennis Kucinich's spouse would be featured on "Hot House Wives" magazine.
Ah, Michele. We knew ye only too well…
Live video of Bachmann's breakdown supposed to be here in 5 minutes or so: http://www.mcall.com/videogallery/67146640/live/L...
CNN: Source says Michele Bachmann to announce she's suspending her campaign for president. Briefing at 11 a.m.
Just like Cain! They can both still come back! Or, legally, continue to raise money to pay off debts.
and/or continue to buy their own books?
It's a grade day in South Carolina! "grade" sic because:
a.) your average SC land slug can't spell what he/she hears
b.) their governor would rather circle wagons round the opposition party – - pointing out Dem lawmakers' typo's, confiscating their "cheat sheets" & hallucinating sore spots where they aren't any – - than bring out the welcome wagon for a fellow Repub of female ilk for whom she has neither rein nor bridle.
You know, the sad thing to learn from this, is that sanity is a hindrance in this world. The fact is, it takes a bit of crazy to do big things. For any proposal or plan or proposition, there are a million reasons it shouldn't work, you have to be a little crazy to ignore all that and persist and make something work. And this is besides the fact that from any sane perspective on life and the world, nothing is worth doing anyway. In the long term, we are all going to be dead, and nothing we do matters anyway, so why bother? So I say Michele, shine on you crazy diamond!
I do not agree- I crochet and it matters
RIP, Michele "Bananas Foster" Bachmann.
Perry may drop out too. OH MY GOD! This is a comedy disaster.
She wants to spend more time with her extremely heterosexual husband to help gay people.
#FABULOUS!!!
The Iowa GOP felt she needed to spend more time with her family (i.e. stop spending so much time outside the home). I'm sure they'd be willing to nominate Marcus in '16, though.
$10,000 dollars Shel's demise is blamed on:
a). the librul media savaging her.
b). something, something "strong conservative women". Also.
Like Palin she can accomplish more for the country by whining on Fox News.
Better a whiner on the sidelines than a cunt in a rowboat. Or something.
Rep just said 2 minutes: http://www.mcall.com/videogallery/67146640/live/L...
MSNBC is flapping all over themselves trying to mainstream this lunatic. All their stupid "analysts" are seriously discussing as to what she'll do next. Really? Wingnut welfare, here she comes.
Michele's been a real asset to this campaign season — it'll be a pity to see her fold up her tent, say goodbye to her staff, unfurl her leathery wings and fly off into the sunset.
"unfurl her leathery wings" = Poetry in motion
"say goodbye to her staff"
The Ultravibe Pleasure 2000….
Here come the sad Bachmann children.
Shit, the whole clan!
There's not enough room on the podium!!!
Is there any remaining doubt that sensible women should shun the GOP? The party clearly represents a patriarchal point of view. The top candidates are: a Mormon, a conservative Catholic and the Godfather of self-interest! I'd bet good money that many Iowa voters avoided Michele because they believe she should be at home with the kids.
What is it with this bitch and Obamacare? Get the fuck over it.
Because it's the end of Western civilization!
It's going to ruin paintings or something! Sheesh, pay attention.
Those fancy frenchie soufles that George W. Bush loves to eat with his gay Dallas pals will never rise under Obamacare….
What the heck? She's just rambling on about "Obamacare," Quit, already!
Most people LOVE Obamacare, because it pokes insurance companies with a sharp stick.
OBAMA CARE! OBAMA CARE! OBAMA CARE FOR YOUR MAMA….
Ha! She's going to adopt Iowa. Bachman 2016!!!
The people of Iowa have spoken. The heathen bastards!
She'll always have the Ames straw poll win.
Stick a fork in her – she's done!
She has Obamacare derangement syndrome.
I had "Party of Reagan" for my drinking game, and I'm already hammered…
This was a CNN newsflash on my computer around 10 Am- the IMDB recent news flash- Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel are engaged. So much vital world news. What next- Justin Bieber has a facial hair?
Now she can go back to sitting at home, wondering why Marcus has to work late AGAIN.
God told her to run.
He didn't mention anything about winning.
HA HA HA! FUCKING PUNKED BY GOD….
South Carolina's one lucky state.
You go to the caucuses with the sanity you have—not the sanity you might want or wish to have at a later time.
Check this out — I was reading about the epidemiology of pellagra, a niacin deficiency, when I found these two adjacent sentences:
Pellagra was common among prisoners of Soviet labor camps, the Gulag. It can be found in cases of chronic alcoholism.
Synchronicity, eh? There is/was very little overlap between those two classes of pellagra sufferers (at least not concurrently). There's a Pete Hoekstra joke in there, somewhere.
*Takes out notebook and begins scratching,*
Benefit Number 289 of Being Sober: will not get pellagra. (unless sentenced to a Soviet prison camp].
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