because why not

Wingnuts In Full-Scale Panic Over ‘Socialist’ Third-Grade Sing-a-Long

Don't worry, kids, it's just a vegetable product!

A group of Virginia third graders composed a song about the spiritual emptiness of greed, which they sang for their fellow public school students at an assembly — good on them, right? Except, UH-OH TIMES A HUNDRED, they included the term “99 percent” in the lyrics. Since when are children allowed to use SOCIALIST PROFANITIES in school, Every Conservative Blogger in America now demands to know. Or maybe the real question is, who let these kids pay attention to the world around them like that?

Let’s first enjoy an excerpt from the children’s lyrics, shall we?

Some people have it all
But they still don’t think they have enough
They want more money
A faster ride
They’re not content
Never satisfied
Yes — they’re the 1 percent

I used to be sad, now I’m satisfied
’Cause I really have enough
Though I lost my yacht and plane
Didn’t need that extra stuff
Could have been much worse
You don’t need to be first
’Cause I’ve got my friends
Here by my side
Don’t need it all
I’m so happy to be part of the 99

And now here is one randomly-selected outraged dingbat of many (which you can Google search, if are you a masochist, but we won’t link to them all here) from, who is FEEUREEUS with this group of intellectually superior nine-year-olds:

Remember, these are third graders. The simplistic left wing economic nonsense of this ditty boggles the mind. But to an impressionistic third grader, it plants poisonous seeds at odds with long egalitarian American traditions that disdain class hatred. It mocks American traditions of industry, hard work and accomplishment. It teaches the young to distrust and dislike, which of course is a tactic employed by thug cultures and governments throughout history.

(The literate person’s version of the word is impressionable, by the way.)

Can we at least Blame the Teachers? Not really, says the school board, according to a newz report from some local CBS affiliate:

The song was written and performed by third graders on October 21, 2011 at Woodbrook Elementary School during a Kid Pan Alley program.

Kid Pan Alley is an organization that helps kids write and perform their own songs. Their mission is to inspire kids to be creators.

Students write the songs and school officials are standing by the lyrics.

“They don’t censor what the kids write. They don’t shape what the kids write. It all comes out of the kids own mouths and the kids own words,” said Albemarle County School Board Chair, Steve Koleszar.

Oh THERE’S the problem, we spotted it… they’re encouraging creativity. NONE OF THAT NOW. []

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  1. nounverb911

    Needs more:

    Baby baby stick your head in gravy,
    Wrap it up in bubble gum
    And send it to the navy.

  2. Barb

    Virginia third graders should be at home and taking care of their husbands and not singing in school.

    1. Loaded_Pants

      Having been a former Virginia third grader, I would have preferred staying home and taking care of my pretend husband…he was a cutie!

    1. user-of-owls

      Wherever you can look, wherever there's a fight, so third-graders can sing Wobbly hymns, I'll be there.

    1. teatarded2012

      I think you mean Cleaning Toilets? It depends….are they brown? If so- then Why the hell arent they????

  3. CZL

    Obviously they're being mind controlled by nanites Obamacare put in their peanut butter and HFCS-fruit sandwiches.

    1. Antispandex

      And the fluoride! They should check for the ones with good teeth and throw their parents in jail!

    1. ProgressiveInga

      Or #OccupyRecess or #OccupyNaptime or #OccupyPlayDough or #OccupyPaste or #OccupyPhonics (do they even teach that anymore?) or #OccupyCuteTeacherMrs.Carpenter

      I loved 3rd grade, can you tell?

  4. Mort_Sinclair

    Ten thousand dollars says is the blog of an obese, edentulous, disabled, middle-aged, white douchebag with fantasies about what he'd rather be doing with a third-grader of two if he had a dark room and enough Rohypnol.

    1. MzNicky

      I had to look up the word "edentulous," and I live in Tennessee!, Mr. Fancy-Schmancy Big Words man!

      1. Mort_Sinclair

        Vocab word of the day, courtesy of your neighborhood English teacher. ;-) (Female, btw!)

  5. Antispandex

    " The simplistic left wing economic nonsense of this ditty boggles the mind."

    Um, not of third graders it doesn't. "Boggles" is only for the minds of Teapublicans. Oh, and bobble. As in, We had a good economy, and the Teapubicans bobbled it….or boggled. Whatever.

  6. Barb

    The funny thing is that these little tykes probably know how the Virginia primary works. I'm talking to you, Newt! You need 10,000 signatures to get on the ballot. That's the same number of times Callista has signed charge card slips at Tiffany's, duh!

          1. Loaded_Pants

            A "scissor sister" death is preferable to the death we'd get from any of the current GOP candidate clowns. A clown death is truly awful. Example: John Wayne Gacey.

  7. Schmannnity

    Isn't the message something like love is better than things? No wonder wingtards are so wigged out; you'd never catch Jesus saying that kind of crap.

    1. Loaded_Pants

      Love can never be better than a 82" HDTV bought at Sam's Club connected to an Xbox (also bought at a Sam's Club).

  8. OneYieldRegular

    Those "impressionistic" kids need to be taught a healthy, patriotic hymn to the homeland, you know, something like "Tomorrow Belongs to Me."

  9. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    This land is your land, this land is my land
    From California, to the New York Island
    From the redwood forest, to the gulf stream waters
    This land was made for you and me

    1. flamingpdog

      OhmiDarwin, you just raised a long-hidden memory from the depths of my mind, of us kids sometimes singing that song in elementary school first thing in the morning in place of America the Beautiful or the Star-Spangled Banner. Of course that was in sochulizt Warshington, D.C., back in the ultra-liberal Kennedy administration.

      1. Loaded_Pants

        Our music teacher would have us listen to (and sing along to) show tunes. Clearly it was a case of trying to convince all the boys to become homosexuals. In my case, it worked. Thank you Mrs. Vandergriff!

    2. chascates

      Bob Dylan: This land is your land and this land is my land, sure, but the world is run by those that never listen.

    3. CommieLibunatic

      I always remember kids adding in bits about how "it is not your land" and "I got a shotgun, and you ain't got one."


      1. Swampgas_Man

        "If you don't get off
        I'll blow your head off
        'Cuz this land was made for me not you".

        Ah, innocence.

    4. Chichikovovich

      Are you sure it isn't
      From Bonavista, to Vancouver Island
      From the Arctic Circle, to the Great Lakes waters


      Could my teachers have been lying to me all those years?

      1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

        Not according to Rick Perry.

        Or, as Jon Stewart once said: "I was asked by a friend what Americans think about Canada. I said, truthfully, we don't, but as soon as we run out of something you have, we'll be over the boarder."

  10. ManchuCandidate

    The Wingnutties would rather they sing this song…

    As sung to the tune of the Oscar Meyer Weiner song

    I wish I were a 1%er Koch whore
    That is what I truly wish to be
    cause if i were a 1%er Koch whore
    everyone would just envy
    oh everyone would just envy
    everyone would just envy meeeeee

  11. TanzbodenKoenig

    Kids these days shouldn't be singing songs about farcical socialist Utopias. They should be going out doing it and getting pregnant because nobody taught them about condoms (soshulism) and then they shouldn't be able to get the morning after pill (sluts) to rectify their poor decision choices, can't get an abortion (jeebus) so they are forced to have the child at a young age and then have their Medicaid "privatized" (destroyed) so they can't feed them and have to work 3 jobs and their kids will go to school and do the same thing and the cycle will repeat. It's what the Founders would have wanted.

  12. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Some people say a man is made outta mud
    A poor man's made outta muscle and blood
    Muscle and blood and skin and bones
    A mind that's a-weak and a back that's strong

    You load sixteen tons, what do you get
    Another day older and deeper in debt
    Saint Peter don't you call me 'cause I can't go
    I owe my soul to the company store

  13. Callyson

    it plants poisonous seeds at odds with long egalitarian American traditions that disdain class hatred. It mocks American traditions of industry, hard work and accomplishment. It teaches the young to distrust and dislike, which of course is a tactic employed by thug cultures and governments throughout history.
    Yes, but that's enough about the Republican party platform…

  14. Bluestatelibel

    How could those kids possibly come up with lyrics like that? It's not like the mommies and daddies in this country are losing their jobs, homes and healthcare in droves, while an unfeeling government and oligarchy responds with a "Let them eat cake" response…oh wait.

  15. carlgt1

    WTF, "long egalitarian traditions"? Such as slavery, Jim Crow, racism of anybody darker than Jesse Helms, misogyny, women not voting until 1920, homophobia etc etc. So the "long egalitarian tradition" dates from when, Ron Paul's hated Civil Rights Act in the 1960's?

    Than again these 'baggers didn't like Woody Guthrie's great "This Land Is Your Land"…..

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      They'd have been okay if the lyrics were,

      This land is my land,
      That land is my land,
      Getcher commie hands off it
      You pinko bastard

      1. MosesInvests

        This land is my land, This land ain't your land,
        I got a shotgun, And you ain't got one,
        If you don't get off, I'll blow your head off,
        This land was only made for me.

    2. Geminisunmars

      Perhaps their definition of egalitarian has more to do with flying bald feathered creatures than with people.

  16. WinterOuthouse

    Fuckin' Communist pinko Marxist Socialist creative little Kenyan bastards! Quarantine the school.

  17. Callyson

    Also, if the wingnuts think this is bad: back when I was in the fourth grade I was blessed with a teacher who used "Free to be…You and Me" in the classroom (God bless those who never gave up on hippie 60's idealism.) Thank God none of the righties heard about that–they would have sent the storm troopers…

  18. Radiotherapy

    Yes, because the typing tumors and teabag tagalongs are so much smarter than third graders.

  19. BarackMyWorld

    It teaches the young to distrust and dislike, which of course is a tactic employed by thug cultures and governments throughout history.

    Has this been a problem for wingnuts before?

  20. BaldarTFlagass

    "It teaches the young to distrust and dislike, which of course is a tactic employed by thug cultures and governments throughout history."

    Yes. Tis far, far better, and much easier, to just teach the little bastards how to hate.

    ETA: and fear. I forgot to mention fear.

    1. flamingpdog

      Take one down, but don't pass it around, it's mine, you hateful, jealous soshulists,
      Ninety-nine bottle of Marx on the wall.

    2. Radiotherapy

      ♪ ♫ Whistle while you work,
      Gingrich is a jerk,
      Sean Hannity bit my wienie,
      Now it doesn't squirt ♪ ♫

  21. Antispandex

    I know it's off subject, a bit, but MSNBC just reported that the Republicans are not excited about ANY of their candidates. What's up with that?

    1. Rotundo_

      I'd have thought that they would be willing to march into the gaping maw of hell and smile all the way for inspirational leadership like Mittens or Santorum. They'll get more riled up when they winnow down the selection a bit. With the exception of Pawlenty, none of them have had the good sense to get along with living once it became clear that they weren't the annointed one.

  22. WinterOuthouse

    A waste of perfectly good pepper spray. Isn't there a toilet that needs to be scrubbed?

    1. Banelm

      And it IS! The only thing that unites the 99% is class, whereas the 1% are all white, fat, old republican leaning men.

  23. Mumbletypeg

    I don't get the lady-teafreighter interviewed in the video clip when she voices alarm. If my body mass occupied 99% of my seat, or of the room, or even the videocamera's viewfinder? why, I'd think I could relate to this ditty's lyrics.

    1. Radiotherapy

      Thanks for reminding me why I've never watched local news. ZOMG, the double chin mullet is hardly worse than concrete, predictable, banal delivery of those "journalists."

  24. edgydrifter

    How dare these children learn to be emotionally balanced and satisfied with that station in life to which economic disparity and political disadvantage has condemned them? What is the point of being rich if one cannot relish the suffering of the poor??

  25. user-of-owls

    (The literate person’s version of the word is impressionable, by the way.)

    Not so fast, Kirsten Boyd Johnson. Those children could have been properly called 'impressionistic' had they all been created in the style of Degas, or perhaps Monet for example.

    1. flamingpdog

      Then they would have had to sing,

      ♪ Here she comes now, say Monet, Monet,
      Hey she give me love and I feel all right now. ♪

      Teatards woulda had no truck with that, neither, also, too.

          1. user-of-owls

            Typical of the toxic climate of discourse these days. Commenters will cézanne any little thing and pissarro all over you. Sheesh.

          2. user-of-owls

            At first I didn't believe they could be so awful, but the Morisot, the more I realized they could.

    2. Chichikovovich

      Yes, if we have to name those children after an artistic movement, it would have to be Theatre of the Absurd. Because they're like that main character in Ionesco's Rhinoceros, watching in horror as the people in view turn into huge creatures weighing a ton or more.

      1. horsedreamer_1

        Ionescu, please. He only changed the spelling after finding the ending from his native Romania means badonkadonk in French.

        1. Chichikovovich

          Ah, so that explains it. “cu” = “cul” as it is pronounced in French. I had actually spelled it “Ionescu”, him being Romanian and all, and then something nagged at the back of my mind that he has some weird ending, and so I looked it up. But I figured it was from some village with a funny dialect.Thanks for the quality info, HD—

  26. MzNicky

    "impressionistic" third graders? Next thing you know they'll be drawing nude ballet dancers and a-cuttin' off their ears and influencing Cubism with those crazy lopsided faces and I don't know what all. Dang Socialist sing-alongs! I blame "Sesame Street."

  27. savethispatient

    I dunno, the workhouses children live in seem a bit too cushy these days. Songs, I ask you, that's not very productive. Next they'll be asking for more gruel!

    1. Doktor Zoom

      The golf links lie so near the mill
      That almost every day
      The laboring children can look out
      And see the men at play.

      — Sarah Norcliffe Cleghorn, 1917

  28. chascates

    Via RightWingWatch:
    On The 700 Club today Pat Robertson said that God again communicated to him that financial problems and partisan politics are going to bring America into decline. Unsurprisingly, Robertson said God is no fan of President Obama: “Your president holds a radical view of the direction of your country which is at odds with the majority, expect chaos and paralysis.” Robertson claimed that the country would be devastated by an “economic collapse” and “the country will begin disintegrating.” He also claimed that God revealed to him who the next president will be, but that he is “not supposed to talk about that.”

        1. chascates

          When Robertson first started his broadcasting empire he said God told him to by, not just any transmitter, but an RCA transmitter!

    1. spends2much

      Ha, that lying scumbag at least knows to keep mum, so after the election he can say "Yup, that's who my buddy God told me would win." regardless of the outcome.

      1. Loaded_Pants

        Robertson didn't need God to tell him who would be the next Prez. He could've just asked Michele, non-santorum Rick, or santorum Rick.

    1. FatalServerErrorFace

      I prefer…
      …The ring leader of the circus of worthless pawns
      Sent to lead the march right up to the steps of Congress
      And piss on the lawns of the White House
      To burn the casket and replace it with a parental advisory sticker
      To spit liquor in the faces of this democracy of hypocrisy
      Fuck you Ms. Cheney
      Fuck you tipper Gore
      Fuck you with the free-ness of speech this
      Divided states of embarrassment will allow me to have

  29. CommieLibunatic

    You hear that noise? The one that sounds like a cross between fabric ripping slowly, walnuts cracking, and mud splattering? That's the sound of my own head tearing itself in half to escape the pain caused by the sheer stupidity. Seriously, this is some Fist of the North Star shit going on.

    1. chascates

      "Hey kids, have you been forced to listen to Evangelical clap-trap? Call our 1-800 number for free information on how our team of lawyers can guarantee you money for having your IQ lowered!"

  30. spends2much

    Don't worry, Rethugs, if Newt squeaks out a victory, these anti Job Creator kids will be cleaning up after their 1% betters, not wasting our time thinking or being creative.

    1. Loaded_Pants

      First words out of his mouth?
      "Now if all you boys will follow me to the showers, I'll show you how to properly use soap."

  31. JustPixelz

    I assume they would not object to the kids singing "Please Don’t Vote For a Democrat" which features the third-grade reading level lyric:

    The Democrat secular progressive move,
    political correctness is killing us too.
    They want to take the money from the hard workin' man,
    and give it to the lazy folks that don't give a damn.

    Democrats and Liberals, shame on you,
    don't punish us all just to please a few,
    You're holdin people back while we're pickin' up the slack,
    and that's why we can't vote for a Democrat.
    Oh no, a no, no, no, no, no, no…
    Oh no, a no, no, no, no, no, nooo…
    Yeah, you're holdin people back, while we're pickin' up the tax,
    Oh no, no please don't vote for a Democrat.

    Now we're trying to win a war and wipe out the terrorists,
    We're not fightin' for oil we got plenty if we drill it.
    But the liberals and the media are spreading their lies,
    Get the hell out of our way and let our soldiers fight.


    Republicans, we're not perfect but we know the truth
    We uphold the Constitution and the Golden Rule.
    We believe a man's freedom is a God given right,
    the USA is the beacon to the whole world in sight.



    1. MissTaken

      "Now we're trying to win a war and wipe out the terrorists,
      We're not fightin' for oil we got plenty if we drill it.
      But the liberals and the media are spreading their lies,
      Get the hell out of our way and let our soldiers fight."

      Fight doesn't rhyme with lies. But die does. Hmm.

  32. not that Dewey

    Occupy-Themed School Song Angers Conservative Bloggers

    So, now it's newsworthy when conservative bloggers get angered? That won't leave much space in the newshole for water-skiing squirrels or slideshows of DWI mugshots.

  33. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    They used to tell me I was building a dream
    And so I followed the mob
    When there was earth to plow or guns to bear
    I was always there right on the job

    They used to tell me I was building a dream
    With peace and glory ahead
    Why should I be standing in line
    Just waiting for bread

    Once I built a railroad, I made it run
    Made it race against time
    Once I built a railroad, now it's done
    Brother, can you spare a dime

  34. glamourdammerung

    I am kind of surprised the Big Stupidity crowd is feeling manly enough to try to pick on nine year olds myself. Andy must have been even more drug and booze addled than usual.

    1. Loaded_Pants

      Victoria Jackson approves picking on third-graders since they seem to copy her, fashion-wise.

      Edit: Nevermind, third graders actually have better fashion sense than her.

  35. C_R_Eature

    I'd like to teach those kids this song. Because, fuck those teabaggers. Seriously, fuck them.

    words and music by Woody Guthrie

    This land is your land, this land is my land
    From California, to the New York Island
    From the redwood forest, to the gulf stream waters
    This land was made for you and me

    As I was walking a ribbon of highway
    I saw above me an endless skyway
    I saw below me a golden valley
    This land was made for you and me


    I've roamed and rambled and I've followed my footsteps
    To the sparkling sands of her diamond deserts
    And all around me a voice was sounding
    This land was made for you and me


    The sun comes shining as I was strolling
    The wheat fields waving and the dust clouds rolling
    The fog was lifting a voice come chanting
    This land was made for you and me


    As I was walkin' – I saw a sign there
    And that sign said – no tress passin'
    But on the other side …. it didn't say nothin!
    Now that side was made for you and me!


    In the squares of the city – In the shadow of the steeple
    Near the relief office – I see my people
    And some are grumblin' and some are wonderin'
    If this land's still made for you and me.

    Chorus (2x)

    ©1956 (renewed 1984), 1958 (renewed 1986) and 1970 TRO-Ludlow Music, Inc. (

  36. chascates

    We worked through Spring and Winter,
    through Summer and through Fall.
    But the mortgage worked the hardest and the steadiest of us all
    It worked on nights and Sundays, it worked each holiday
    Settled down among us and it never went away

    The farmer comes to town with his wagon broken down
    The farmer is the man who feeds us all
    If you only look and see I know you will agree
    That the farmer is the man who feeds us all

    The farmer is the man, the farmer is the man
    He buys on his credit until Fall
    Then they take him by the hand
    And they lead him from his land
    And the merchant is the man who gets it all

  37. DaRooster

    Fucking kids…. speaking their mind and shit…
    Kids only say what they know… well there is the Santa Claus thing… but they KNOW that to be true.

  38. chascates

    Update from the totally bogus 'Drudge Caucus'"

    PAUL 33.55%
    SANTORUM 20.96%
    ROMNEY 20.5%
    GINGRICH 10.25%
    PERRY 7.3%

  39. Terry

    Those elementary school kids have produced a clear and concise statement, something the Occupy folks…bless their hearts…haven't been able to do after months and months.

  40. Schmegeg

    Little known fact that "The Internationale" was written for and won a dance competition in the Paris Commune.

  41. Ducksworthy

    Slightly OT but I hear that Megyn is coming out with a line of feminine hygiene products based on spicy food spray.

  42. owhatever

    Have them instead recite the pledge of allegiance as the four fathers intended, the pre-1954 version to exclude the "under God."

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