BECAUSE WHY NOT  6:24 pm January 3, 2012

Wingnuts In Full-Scale Panic Over ‘Socialist’ Third-Grade Sing-a-Long

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Don't worry, kids, it's just a vegetable product!

A group of Virginia third graders composed a song about the spiritual emptiness of greed, which they sang for their fellow public school students at an assembly — good on them, right? Except, UH-OH TIMES A HUNDRED, they included the term “99 percent” in the lyrics. Since when are children allowed to use SOCIALIST PROFANITIES in school, Every Conservative Blogger in America now demands to know. Or maybe the real question is, who let these kids pay attention to the world around them like that?

Let’s first enjoy an excerpt from the children’s lyrics, shall we?

Some people have it all
But they still don’t think they have enough
They want more money
A faster ride
They’re not content
Never satisfied
Yes — they’re the 1 percent

I used to be sad, now I’m satisfied
’Cause I really have enough
Though I lost my yacht and plane
Didn’t need that extra stuff
Could have been much worse
You don’t need to be first
’Cause I’ve got my friends
Here by my side
Don’t need it all
I’m so happy to be part of the 99

And now here is one randomly-selected outraged dingbat of many (which you can Google search, if are you a masochist, but we won’t link to them all here) from BigGubermint.com, who is FEEUREEUS with this group of intellectually superior nine-year-olds:

Remember, these are third graders. The simplistic left wing economic nonsense of this ditty boggles the mind. But to an impressionistic third grader, it plants poisonous seeds at odds with long egalitarian American traditions that disdain class hatred. It mocks American traditions of industry, hard work and accomplishment. It teaches the young to distrust and dislike, which of course is a tactic employed by thug cultures and governments throughout history.

(The literate person’s version of the word is impressionable, by the way.)

Can we at least Blame the Teachers? Not really, says the school board, according to a newz report from some local CBS affiliate:

The song was written and performed by third graders on October 21, 2011 at Woodbrook Elementary School during a Kid Pan Alley program.

Kid Pan Alley is an organization that helps kids write and perform their own songs. Their mission is to inspire kids to be creators.

Students write the songs and school officials are standing by the lyrics.

“They don’t censor what the kids write. They don’t shape what the kids write. It all comes out of the kids own mouths and the kids own words,” said Albemarle County School Board Chair, Steve Koleszar.

Oh THERE’S the problem, we spotted it… they’re encouraging creativity. NONE OF THAT NOW. [Newsplex.com]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 169 comments }

nounverb911 January 3, 2012 at 6:25 pm

Needs more:

Baby baby stick your head in gravy,
Wrap it up in bubble gum
And send it to the navy.

hagajim January 3, 2012 at 6:27 pm

Kid Pan Alley = Soshulizm!!!

Barb January 3, 2012 at 6:27 pm

Virginia third graders should be at home and taking care of their husbands and not singing in school.

nounverb911 January 3, 2012 at 6:30 pm

Even the little boys?

Barb January 3, 2012 at 6:32 pm

Nope, they should be working in the coal mines.

Geminisunmars January 3, 2012 at 6:49 pm

Or doing janitorial work at the school.

Loaded_Pants January 3, 2012 at 6:42 pm

Having been a former Virginia third grader, I would have preferred staying home and taking care of my pretend husband…he was a cutie!

weejee January 3, 2012 at 6:28 pm

So who turned these kids on to Joe Hill? Huh, huh????

user-of-owls January 3, 2012 at 6:55 pm

Wherever you can look, wherever there's a fight, so third-graders can sing Wobbly hymns, I'll be there.

nounverb911 January 3, 2012 at 6:29 pm

"Why aren't these children mopping floors?"
–Newt Gingrinch

teatarded2012 January 4, 2012 at 11:44 am

I think you mean Cleaning Toilets? It depends….are they brown? If so- then Why the hell arent they????

CZL January 3, 2012 at 6:30 pm

Obviously they're being mind controlled by nanites Obamacare put in their peanut butter and HFCS-fruit sandwiches.

Antispandex January 3, 2012 at 6:35 pm

And the fluoride! They should check for the ones with good teeth and throw their parents in jail!

JackObin January 3, 2012 at 6:30 pm

I'm in full-scale panic over the size of peoples' asses in this country.

PuglyDoRight January 3, 2012 at 6:31 pm

I spit out my coffee when I saw that photo, and I wasn't even drinking coffee.

ThundercatHo January 3, 2012 at 6:31 pm

#Occupy3rdgrade

ProgressiveInga January 3, 2012 at 8:43 pm

Or #OccupyRecess or #OccupyNaptime or #OccupyPlayDough or #OccupyPaste or #OccupyPhonics (do they even teach that anymore?) or #OccupyCuteTeacherMrs.Carpenter

I loved 3rd grade, can you tell?

Mort_Sinclair January 3, 2012 at 6:31 pm

Ten thousand dollars says BigGubermint.com is the blog of an obese, edentulous, disabled, middle-aged, white douchebag with fantasies about what he'd rather be doing with a third-grader of two if he had a dark room and enough Rohypnol.

Mumbletypeg January 3, 2012 at 6:34 pm

Check the linked video footage. Around 0:58 you'll see the visual equivalent of your description up to "douchebag" — only he is a She.

Mort_Sinclair January 3, 2012 at 7:01 pm

Holy Shit! I think she ate a third grader or two!

MzNicky January 3, 2012 at 6:58 pm

I had to look up the word "edentulous," and I live in Tennessee!, Mr. Fancy-Schmancy Big Words man!

Mort_Sinclair January 3, 2012 at 7:02 pm

Vocab word of the day, courtesy of your neighborhood English teacher. ;-) (Female, btw!)

MzNicky January 3, 2012 at 7:16 pm

All apologies Mz. Mort, Fancy-Schmancy Big Words Lady!

yyyaz January 3, 2012 at 6:31 pm

And that nice art teacher, Ms. Lafarge, is teaching them to knit, too.

Antispandex January 3, 2012 at 6:31 pm

" The simplistic left wing economic nonsense of this ditty boggles the mind."

Um, not of third graders it doesn't. "Boggles" is only for the minds of Teapublicans. Oh, and bobble. As in, We had a good economy, and the Teapubicans bobbled it….or boggled. Whatever.

Geminisunmars January 3, 2012 at 6:51 pm

Bungled it. Or bungholed it. Or like you said, whatever.

Chichikovovich January 3, 2012 at 7:50 pm

Evidently Mr. FEEUREEUS has a mind that's easy to boggle.

Swampgas_Man January 3, 2012 at 7:58 pm

He couldn't play Boggle™, the Word Game.

Chillwaver January 3, 2012 at 6:32 pm

This is Reason #1547 in "Why do Wingunts have no artistic ability?"

Mojopo January 3, 2012 at 6:33 pm

How do the crab apples feel about that hippie pinko Pete Seeger?

user-of-owls January 3, 2012 at 6:57 pm

This land is our land…the rest of you, fuck off.

PuckStopsHere January 3, 2012 at 6:34 pm

The wingnuts have always preferred Second Amendment solutions to First Amendment ones.

Barb January 3, 2012 at 6:34 pm

The funny thing is that these little tykes probably know how the Virginia primary works. I'm talking to you, Newt! You need 10,000 signatures to get on the ballot. That's the same number of times Callista has signed charge card slips at Tiffany's, duh!

Radiotherapy January 3, 2012 at 6:35 pm

Next thing you know the kids will be shaking their hips to that n***ger music.

MzNicky January 3, 2012 at 7:00 pm

SHAME on you! In PC parlance it's known as "jungle music," mister.

Radiotherapy January 3, 2012 at 7:10 pm

God forbid they ever get "Bieber Fever."

Loaded_Pants January 3, 2012 at 7:57 pm

Indeed. Got to keep young 'uns away from that lesbian music.

horsedreamer_1 January 3, 2012 at 10:40 pm

kd lang. Bieber. Canada is going to scissor us to death.

Schmannnity January 3, 2012 at 6:36 pm

Isn't the message something like love is better than things? No wonder wingtards are so wigged out; you'd never catch Jesus saying that kind of crap.

MzNicky January 3, 2012 at 7:00 pm

At least, not Republican Jesus.

Loaded_Pants January 3, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Love can never be better than a 82" HDTV bought at Sam's Club connected to an Xbox (also bought at a Sam's Club).

OneYieldRegular January 3, 2012 at 6:36 pm

Those "impressionistic" kids need to be taught a healthy, patriotic hymn to the homeland, you know, something like "Tomorrow Belongs to Me."

chascates January 3, 2012 at 6:36 pm

The Internationale is actually about how our exceptional Republic is justified in striding the world like a drunken colossus.

See also the Wobblies' Little Red Songbook: http://www.sacredchao.net/iww/

Fucking HTML.

Lionel[redacted]Esq January 3, 2012 at 6:37 pm

This land is your land, this land is my land
From California, to the New York Island
From the redwood forest, to the gulf stream waters
This land was made for you and me

flamingpdog January 3, 2012 at 6:47 pm

OhmiDarwin, you just raised a long-hidden memory from the depths of my mind, of us kids sometimes singing that song in elementary school first thing in the morning in place of America the Beautiful or the Star-Spangled Banner. Of course that was in sochulizt Warshington, D.C., back in the ultra-liberal Kennedy administration.

Loaded_Pants January 3, 2012 at 9:17 pm

Our music teacher would have us listen to (and sing along to) show tunes. Clearly it was a case of trying to convince all the boys to become homosexuals. In my case, it worked. Thank you Mrs. Vandergriff!

chascates January 3, 2012 at 6:48 pm

Bob Dylan: This land is your land and this land is my land, sure, but the world is run by those that never listen.

Loaded_Pants January 3, 2012 at 6:50 pm

Needs moar "I Am America".

PsycWench January 4, 2012 at 8:46 am

Let the Eagle Soar!

Geminisunmars January 3, 2012 at 6:54 pm

Gah!! Off with your head.

MzNicky January 3, 2012 at 7:03 pm

SOCIALISMIST!!1!!

Biff January 3, 2012 at 7:16 pm

You have a Gulfstream? Elitist!

CommieLibunatic January 3, 2012 at 7:21 pm

I always remember kids adding in bits about how "it is not your land" and "I got a shotgun, and you ain't got one."

/sob

Swampgas_Man January 3, 2012 at 8:00 pm

"If you don't get off
I'll blow your head off
'Cuz this land was made for me not you".

Ah, innocence.

Chichikovovich January 3, 2012 at 7:55 pm

Are you sure it isn't
From Bonavista, to Vancouver Island
From the Arctic Circle, to the Great Lakes waters

….?

Could my teachers have been lying to me all those years?

Lionel[redacted]Esq January 3, 2012 at 8:19 pm

Not according to Rick Perry.

Or, as Jon Stewart once said: "I was asked by a friend what Americans think about Canada. I said, truthfully, we don't, but as soon as we run out of something you have, we'll be over the boarder."

ShaveTheWhales January 3, 2012 at 8:04 pm

This Song Kills Fascists

ManchuCandidate January 3, 2012 at 6:37 pm

The Wingnutties would rather they sing this song…

As sung to the tune of the Oscar Meyer Weiner song

I wish I were a 1%er Koch whore
That is what I truly wish to be
cause if i were a 1%er Koch whore
everyone would just envy
oh everyone would just envy
everyone would just envy meeeeee

TanzbodenKoenig January 3, 2012 at 6:38 pm

Kids these days shouldn't be singing songs about farcical socialist Utopias. They should be going out doing it and getting pregnant because nobody taught them about condoms (soshulism) and then they shouldn't be able to get the morning after pill (sluts) to rectify their poor decision choices, can't get an abortion (jeebus) so they are forced to have the child at a young age and then have their Medicaid "privatized" (destroyed) so they can't feed them and have to work 3 jobs and their kids will go to school and do the same thing and the cycle will repeat. It's what the Founders would have wanted.

Lionel[redacted]Esq January 3, 2012 at 6:38 pm

Some people say a man is made outta mud
A poor man's made outta muscle and blood
Muscle and blood and skin and bones
A mind that's a-weak and a back that's strong

You load sixteen tons, what do you get
Another day older and deeper in debt
Saint Peter don't you call me 'cause I can't go
I owe my soul to the company store

MzNicky January 3, 2012 at 7:02 pm

Good GOD will the Socialist songfest never end!!

Lionel[redacted]Esq January 3, 2012 at 8:20 pm

And to think, that is a Country & Western song. What has this country come to?

Loaded_Pants January 3, 2012 at 9:13 pm

Tennessee Ernie Ford = secret Socialist?

MzNicky January 3, 2012 at 9:29 pm

OMG, you may be right. That would make me weep with homegirl pride.

doloras January 4, 2012 at 1:04 am

You see me coming, better step aside
A lot of men didn't and a lot of men died

Callyson January 3, 2012 at 6:38 pm

it plants poisonous seeds at odds with long egalitarian American traditions that disdain class hatred. It mocks American traditions of industry, hard work and accomplishment. It teaches the young to distrust and dislike, which of course is a tactic employed by thug cultures and governments throughout history.
Yes, but that's enough about the Republican party platform…

Bluestatelibel January 3, 2012 at 6:39 pm

How could those kids possibly come up with lyrics like that? It's not like the mommies and daddies in this country are losing their jobs, homes and healthcare in droves, while an unfeeling government and oligarchy responds with a "Let them eat cake" response…oh wait.

carlgt1 January 3, 2012 at 6:39 pm

WTF, "long egalitarian traditions"? Such as slavery, Jim Crow, racism of anybody darker than Jesse Helms, misogyny, women not voting until 1920, homophobia etc etc. So the "long egalitarian tradition" dates from when, Ron Paul's hated Civil Rights Act in the 1960's?

Than again these 'baggers didn't like Woody Guthrie's great "This Land Is Your Land"…..

BaldarTFlagass January 3, 2012 at 6:47 pm

They'd have been okay if the lyrics were,

This land is my land,
That land is my land,
Getcher commie hands off it
You pinko bastard

MosesInvests January 3, 2012 at 7:01 pm

This land is my land, This land ain't your land,
I got a shotgun, And you ain't got one,
If you don't get off, I'll blow your head off,
This land was only made for me.

Biff January 3, 2012 at 7:19 pm

This land is my land,
This land was your land,
Sucks to be you,
and you, and you…

Geminisunmars January 3, 2012 at 6:58 pm

Perhaps their definition of egalitarian has more to do with flying bald feathered creatures than with people.

WinterOuthouse January 3, 2012 at 6:40 pm

Fuckin' Communist pinko Marxist Socialist creative little Kenyan bastards! Quarantine the school.

Geminisunmars January 3, 2012 at 6:58 pm

Better yet, ship 'em to Gitmo!

Callyson January 3, 2012 at 6:42 pm

Also, if the wingnuts think this is bad: back when I was in the fourth grade I was blessed with a teacher who used "Free to be…You and Me" in the classroom (God bless those who never gave up on hippie 60's idealism.) Thank God none of the righties heard about that–they would have sent the storm troopers…

Radiotherapy January 3, 2012 at 6:42 pm

Yes, because the typing tumors and teabag tagalongs are so much smarter than third graders.

BarackMyWorld January 3, 2012 at 6:42 pm

It teaches the young to distrust and dislike, which of course is a tactic employed by thug cultures and governments throughout history.

Has this been a problem for wingnuts before?

BaldarTFlagass January 3, 2012 at 6:43 pm

"It teaches the young to distrust and dislike, which of course is a tactic employed by thug cultures and governments throughout history."

Yes. Tis far, far better, and much easier, to just teach the little bastards how to hate.

ETA: and fear. I forgot to mention fear.

Chichikovovich January 3, 2012 at 8:00 pm

and surprise. And ruthless efficiency. And fanatical devotion to the Pope

user-of-owls January 3, 2012 at 6:43 pm

Ninety-nine bottles of Marx on the wall,
Ninety-nine bottles of Marx…

flamingpdog January 3, 2012 at 6:52 pm

Take one down, but don't pass it around, it's mine, you hateful, jealous soshulists,
Ninety-nine bottle of Marx on the wall.

Radiotherapy January 3, 2012 at 7:04 pm

♪ ♫ Whistle while you work,
Gingrich is a jerk,
Sean Hannity bit my wienie,
Now it doesn't squirt ♪ ♫

Antispandex January 3, 2012 at 6:44 pm

I know it's off subject, a bit, but MSNBC just reported that the Republicans are not excited about ANY of their candidates. What's up with that?

fuflans January 3, 2012 at 7:00 pm

huh. who'd have thought it.

Geminisunmars January 3, 2012 at 7:00 pm

How can that be???

Rotundo_ January 3, 2012 at 7:23 pm

I'd have thought that they would be willing to march into the gaping maw of hell and smile all the way for inspirational leadership like Mittens or Santorum. They'll get more riled up when they winnow down the selection a bit. With the exception of Pawlenty, none of them have had the good sense to get along with living once it became clear that they weren't the annointed one.

WinterOuthouse January 3, 2012 at 6:44 pm

A waste of perfectly good pepper spray. Isn't there a toilet that needs to be scrubbed?

HelmutNewton January 3, 2012 at 6:44 pm

Remember, it's only "class warfare" when the 99% start to fight back.

Banelm January 3, 2012 at 7:33 pm

And it IS! The only thing that unites the 99% is class, whereas the 1% are all white, fat, old republican leaning men.

Mumbletypeg January 3, 2012 at 6:45 pm

I don't get the lady-teafreighter interviewed in the video clip when she voices alarm. If my body mass occupied 99% of my seat, or of the room, or even the videocamera's viewfinder? why, I'd think I could relate to this ditty's lyrics.

fuflans January 3, 2012 at 6:59 pm

oh peg i can't unsee that.

that chin is going to haunt me for days.

Radiotherapy January 3, 2012 at 7:17 pm

Thanks for reminding me why I've never watched local news. ZOMG, the double chin mullet is hardly worse than concrete, predictable, banal delivery of those "journalists."
*gack*

Biff January 3, 2012 at 7:26 pm

Been awhile since I've seen such a large-scale femullet.

Loaded_Pants January 3, 2012 at 7:52 pm

That is truly a magnificent one.

Loaded_Pants January 3, 2012 at 9:26 pm

"lady-teafreighter"
I cannot fist you upward for that one enough.

edgydrifter January 3, 2012 at 6:48 pm

How dare these children learn to be emotionally balanced and satisfied with that station in life to which economic disparity and political disadvantage has condemned them? What is the point of being rich if one cannot relish the suffering of the poor??

user-of-owls January 3, 2012 at 6:49 pm

(The literate person’s version of the word is impressionable, by the way.)

Not so fast, Kirsten Boyd Johnson. Those children could have been properly called 'impressionistic' had they all been created in the style of Degas, or perhaps Monet for example.

flamingpdog January 3, 2012 at 7:01 pm

Then they would have had to sing,

♪ Here she comes now, say Monet, Monet,
Hey she give me love and I feel all right now. ♪

Teatards woulda had no truck with that, neither, also, too.

not that Dewey January 3, 2012 at 7:52 pm

Or

♪ The camptown ladies sing this song — Degas, Degas♪

Doktor Zoom January 3, 2012 at 7:57 pm

There you Gauguin…

ShaveTheWhales January 3, 2012 at 8:09 pm

You're missing the pointillism.

Chichikovovich January 3, 2012 at 8:09 pm

Yes, if we have to name those children after an artistic movement, it would have to be Theatre of the Absurd. Because they're like that main character in Ionesco's Rhinoceros, watching in horror as the people in view turn into huge creatures weighing a ton or more.

flamingpdog January 3, 2012 at 9:45 pm

With or without Hoverounds?

horsedreamer_1 January 3, 2012 at 10:44 pm

Ionescu, please. He only changed the spelling after finding the ending from his native Romania means badonkadonk in French.

Chichikovovich January 3, 2012 at 10:52 pm

Ah, so that explains it. “cu” = “cul” as it is pronounced in French. I had actually spelled it “Ionescu”, him being Romanian and all, and then something nagged at the back of my mind that he has some weird ending, and so I looked it up. But I figured it was from some village with a funny dialect.Thanks for the quality info, HD—

MzNicky January 3, 2012 at 6:51 pm

"impressionistic" third graders? Next thing you know they'll be drawing nude ballet dancers and a-cuttin' off their ears and influencing Cubism with those crazy lopsided faces and I don't know what all. Dang Socialist sing-alongs! I blame "Sesame Street."

Doktor Zoom January 3, 2012 at 8:25 pm

Cubism? I knew that Castro was involved in this somehow!

Radiotherapy January 3, 2012 at 6:51 pm

These lyrics clearly have the Obama Oval Office written all over them.

savethispatient January 3, 2012 at 6:53 pm

I dunno, the workhouses children live in seem a bit too cushy these days. Songs, I ask you, that's not very productive. Next they'll be asking for more gruel!

Doktor Zoom January 3, 2012 at 8:01 pm

The golf links lie so near the mill
That almost every day
The laboring children can look out
And see the men at play.

– Sarah Norcliffe Cleghorn, 1917

flamingpdog January 3, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Any relation to Foghorn Cleghorn?

Veritas78 January 3, 2012 at 6:53 pm

Someone appears not to know what "egalitarian" actually means. But it sher sounz gud.

Chillwaver January 3, 2012 at 6:54 pm

Just wait until they find out about all those "theories" they teach in 3rdGrade Science Class…

fuflans January 3, 2012 at 6:56 pm

well to be fair, the president IS a near.

Veritas78 January 3, 2012 at 7:00 pm

Can you sue your parents for your home-skooling? This might be the only remedy left.

Loaded_Pants January 3, 2012 at 8:01 pm

It's not a real diploma if it's printed on a Canon.

chascates January 3, 2012 at 7:02 pm

Via RightWingWatch:
On The 700 Club today Pat Robertson said that God again communicated to him that financial problems and partisan politics are going to bring America into decline. Unsurprisingly, Robertson said God is no fan of President Obama: “Your president holds a radical view of the direction of your country which is at odds with the majority, expect chaos and paralysis.” Robertson claimed that the country would be devastated by an “economic collapse” and “the country will begin disintegrating.” He also claimed that God revealed to him who the next president will be, but that he is “not supposed to talk about that.”

Geminisunmars January 3, 2012 at 7:04 pm

Did God also tell him that this message has been delayed about 4 years?

MzNicky January 3, 2012 at 7:13 pm

Did God also tell Pat Robertson what he can do with regard to his lips and my butt?

chascates January 3, 2012 at 7:14 pm

When Robertson first started his broadcasting empire he said God told him to by, not just any transmitter, but an RCA transmitter!

Angry_Marmot January 3, 2012 at 8:26 pm

Pat saw Red Planet Mars a few too many times when he got back from his ordeal in Korea.

spends2much January 3, 2012 at 7:26 pm

Ha, that lying scumbag at least knows to keep mum, so after the election he can say "Yup, that's who my buddy God told me would win." regardless of the outcome.

Loaded_Pants January 3, 2012 at 7:48 pm

Robertson didn't need God to tell him who would be the next Prez. He could've just asked Michele, non-santorum Rick, or santorum Rick.

Neoyorquino January 3, 2012 at 8:05 pm

I'm guessing he was just talking to Ned Beatty: http://youtu.be/BqEcLlp_Big

Lionel[redacted]Esq January 3, 2012 at 8:25 pm

Of course Go doesn't like Obama. He's a Muslim, after all.

Loaded_Pants January 3, 2012 at 8:58 pm

Of course God doesn't like Obama. He's half-a-Black.

fixed.

Katydid January 3, 2012 at 9:14 pm

Sounds exactly like a horoscope. Maybe Pat's moon is in his anus.

flamingpdog January 3, 2012 at 9:55 pm

Hopefully his anus's a Cancer.

PsycWench January 4, 2012 at 8:49 am

In related news, Pat Robertson is off his meds again.

DerrickWildcat January 3, 2012 at 7:04 pm

It's a good song. They should be recorded and the song should be played on the TV and radio all the time.

FatalServerErrorFace January 3, 2012 at 9:35 pm

I prefer…
…The ring leader of the circus of worthless pawns
Sent to lead the march right up to the steps of Congress
And piss on the lawns of the White House
To burn the casket and replace it with a parental advisory sticker
To spit liquor in the faces of this democracy of hypocrisy
Fuck you Ms. Cheney
Fuck you tipper Gore
Fuck you with the free-ness of speech this
Divided states of embarrassment will allow me to have

CommieLibunatic January 3, 2012 at 7:05 pm

You hear that noise? The one that sounds like a cross between fabric ripping slowly, walnuts cracking, and mud splattering? That's the sound of my own head tearing itself in half to escape the pain caused by the sheer stupidity. Seriously, this is some Fist of the North Star shit going on.

Wilcoxyz January 3, 2012 at 7:08 pm

I blame Sesame Street. Big Bird needs some fucking ads now.

chascates January 3, 2012 at 7:16 pm

"Hey kids, have you been forced to listen to Evangelical clap-trap? Call our 1-800 number for free information on how our team of lawyers can guarantee you money for having your IQ lowered!"

spends2much January 3, 2012 at 7:22 pm

Don't worry, Rethugs, if Newt squeaks out a victory, these anti Job Creator kids will be cleaning up after their 1% betters, not wasting our time thinking or being creative.

Guppy January 3, 2012 at 7:25 pm

I hear "impressionistic" and "freedumz!11!!" together, and I end up here.

mavenmaven January 3, 2012 at 7:29 pm

Yes, they are right. We need to be going back to educational programs such as this one described by Blake, so that America can be properly productive again http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JC4Dq2scQDI&fe

John Birf Society January 3, 2012 at 7:36 pm

Not long after this was reported, Ann Coulter offered to pay for a former Penn State coach to visit the school.

Loaded_Pants January 3, 2012 at 9:29 pm

First words out of his mouth?
"Now if all you boys will follow me to the showers, I'll show you how to properly use soap."

JustPixelz January 3, 2012 at 7:38 pm

I assume they would not object to the kids singing "Please Don’t Vote For a Democrat" which features the third-grade reading level lyric:

The Democrat secular progressive move,
political correctness is killing us too.
They want to take the money from the hard workin' man,
and give it to the lazy folks that don't give a damn.

Chorus
Democrats and Liberals, shame on you,
don't punish us all just to please a few,
You're holdin people back while we're pickin' up the slack,
and that's why we can't vote for a Democrat.
Oh no, a no, no, no, no, no, no…
Oh no, a no, no, no, no, no, nooo…
Yeah, you're holdin people back, while we're pickin' up the tax,
Oh no, no please don't vote for a Democrat.

Now we're trying to win a war and wipe out the terrorists,
We're not fightin' for oil we got plenty if we drill it.
But the liberals and the media are spreading their lies,
Get the hell out of our way and let our soldiers fight.

Chrous

Republicans, we're not perfect but we know the truth
We uphold the Constitution and the Golden Rule.
We believe a man's freedom is a God given right,
the USA is the beacon to the whole world in sight.

Chorus

Vomit

MissTaken January 3, 2012 at 7:51 pm

"Now we're trying to win a war and wipe out the terrorists,
We're not fightin' for oil we got plenty if we drill it.
But the liberals and the media are spreading their lies,
Get the hell out of our way and let our soldiers fight."

Fight doesn't rhyme with lies. But die does. Hmm.

PubOption January 3, 2012 at 8:15 pm

"The one who has the gold makes the rules". That Golden Rule?

not that Dewey January 3, 2012 at 7:54 pm

Occupy-Themed School Song Angers Conservative Bloggers

So, now it's newsworthy when conservative bloggers get angered? That won't leave much space in the newshole for water-skiing squirrels or slideshows of DWI mugshots.

Lionel[redacted]Esq January 3, 2012 at 8:28 pm

They used to tell me I was building a dream
And so I followed the mob
When there was earth to plow or guns to bear
I was always there right on the job

They used to tell me I was building a dream
With peace and glory ahead
Why should I be standing in line
Just waiting for bread

Once I built a railroad, I made it run
Made it race against time
Once I built a railroad, now it's done
Brother, can you spare a dime

glamourdammerung January 3, 2012 at 8:30 pm

I am kind of surprised the Big Stupidity crowd is feeling manly enough to try to pick on nine year olds myself. Andy must have been even more drug and booze addled than usual.

Loaded_Pants January 3, 2012 at 9:00 pm

Victoria Jackson approves picking on third-graders since they seem to copy her, fashion-wise.

Edit: Nevermind, third graders actually have better fashion sense than her.

C_R_Eature January 3, 2012 at 8:35 pm

I'd like to teach those kids this song. Because, fuck those teabaggers. Seriously, fuck them.

THIS LAND IS YOUR LAND
words and music by Woody Guthrie

Chorus:
This land is your land, this land is my land
From California, to the New York Island
From the redwood forest, to the gulf stream waters
This land was made for you and me

As I was walking a ribbon of highway
I saw above me an endless skyway
I saw below me a golden valley
This land was made for you and me

Chorus

I've roamed and rambled and I've followed my footsteps
To the sparkling sands of her diamond deserts
And all around me a voice was sounding
This land was made for you and me

Chorus

The sun comes shining as I was strolling
The wheat fields waving and the dust clouds rolling
The fog was lifting a voice come chanting
This land was made for you and me

Chorus

As I was walkin' – I saw a sign there
And that sign said – no tress passin'
But on the other side …. it didn't say nothin!
Now that side was made for you and me!

Chorus

In the squares of the city – In the shadow of the steeple
Near the relief office – I see my people
And some are grumblin' and some are wonderin'
If this land's still made for you and me.

Chorus (2x)

©1956 (renewed 1984), 1958 (renewed 1986) and 1970 TRO-Ludlow Music, Inc. (
BMI)

chascates January 3, 2012 at 8:45 pm

http://www.metrolyrics.com/taxes-on-the-farmer-fe

We worked through Spring and Winter,
through Summer and through Fall.
But the mortgage worked the hardest and the steadiest of us all
It worked on nights and Sundays, it worked each holiday
Settled down among us and it never went away

The farmer comes to town with his wagon broken down
The farmer is the man who feeds us all
If you only look and see I know you will agree
That the farmer is the man who feeds us all

The farmer is the man, the farmer is the man
He buys on his credit until Fall
Then they take him by the hand
And they lead him from his land
And the merchant is the man who gets it all

DaRooster January 3, 2012 at 8:48 pm

Fucking kids…. speaking their mind and shit…
Kids only say what they know… well there is the Santa Claus thing… but they KNOW that to be true.

chascates January 3, 2012 at 8:51 pm

Update from the totally bogus 'Drudge Caucus'"
READERS FROM IOWA VOTED IN DRUDGE CAUCUS:

PAUL 33.55%
SANTORUM 20.96%
ROMNEY 20.5%
GINGRICH 10.25%
PERRY 7.3%

Terry January 3, 2012 at 9:07 pm

Those elementary school kids have produced a clear and concise statement, something the Occupy folks…bless their hearts…haven't been able to do after months and months.

Schmegeg January 3, 2012 at 10:38 pm

Little known fact that "The Internationale" was written for and won a dance competition in the Paris Commune.

coron4 January 3, 2012 at 10:39 pm

Could somebody who's better at anagrams get something with "Acorn" in it out of "Kid Pan Alley"?

ttommyunger January 3, 2012 at 10:42 pm

…from the mouths of babes.

Ducksworthy January 3, 2012 at 10:57 pm

Slightly OT but I hear that Megyn is coming out with a line of feminine hygiene products based on spicy food spray.

Soylent Green January 3, 2012 at 11:05 pm

Now for a hurried vote to drop the National Endowments For The Arts. Not 'nuff Nascar.

owhatever January 4, 2012 at 12:03 am

Have them instead recite the pledge of allegiance as the four fathers intended, the pre-1954 version to exclude the "under God."

EvilleMike January 4, 2012 at 6:50 am

Yikes – some of those kids belong to my neighbors. I'll need to report this to the Loyalty Oath Committee right away.

Doktor Zoom January 3, 2012 at 8:24 pm

I wouldn't be so seurat all about that….

chascates January 3, 2012 at 8:40 pm

And Red Zone Cuba and Invasion USA. He should have watched the MST3K versions!

user-of-owls January 3, 2012 at 8:55 pm

Typical of the toxic climate of discourse these days. Commenters will cézanne any little thing and pissarro all over you. Sheesh.

not that Dewey January 3, 2012 at 9:16 pm

Is that because the moderators' standards are Toulouse?

Doktor Zoom January 3, 2012 at 9:19 pm

Some people choose the high road, and others take the low trek….

not that Dewey January 3, 2012 at 9:30 pm

They Rousseau sure of themselves.

user-of-owls January 3, 2012 at 9:40 pm

At first I didn't believe they could be so awful, but the Morisot, the more I realized they could.

Doktor Zoom January 3, 2012 at 9:58 pm

Cassat's the way (uh-huh, uh-huh)
I like it (uh-huh, uh-huh)

Loaded_Pants January 3, 2012 at 10:53 pm

A "scissor sister" death is preferable to the death we'd get from any of the current GOP candidate clowns. A clown death is truly awful. Example: John Wayne Gacey.

user-of-owls January 3, 2012 at 11:04 pm

Ok, now this is just unRaveling.

not that Dewey January 3, 2012 at 11:56 pm

Yeah? Well, screw you and the horse you Rodin on!

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