Iowa Caucus Reporters Reveal That They Despise Iowa Voters

  facts are stupid things

Ben Smith can use the F-word now!

Politico gossip Ben Smith recently graduated to … what is it, 4chan? Fark? One of those sites. And now he is free to “tell the truth” about being a political reporter covering political campaigns: It’s not a lot of fun, because of the voters (and the politicians) being such craven idiots.

This is why it’s helpful to have a catastrophic brain injury (see: Wolf Blitzer) before a choosing a career in the U.S. political media! [Buzzfeed Twitter]

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53 comments

    1. CrunchyKnee

      Yes, In Des Moines right of'n the I-80. I stayed there once when driving to Chicago. Most of the staff are morans and liars as well.

  1. bureaucrap

    There are worse things than being a political reporter. Imagine being stuck doing advance for Newt ("I said TWO Toilets!!!! He poops like it's going out of style!").

  2. PuckStopsHere

    Morons? Really? Would a moron vote for Santorum or Bachmann or Newt or Mitt? I put it to you…

    1. Texan_Bulldog

      I actually like a couple of them (Jon Heileman, Steve Kornacki). But Mark Halperin actually manages to be a living brain donor. My damn dog would be a better commentator than him.

  3. Sue4466

    Only people more moronic than Iowa voters are the gaggles of reporters trying to discern which GOP mouthbreather will "win" today as if it fucking mattered.

  4. memzilla

    Actually, the reporters' frustration comes from being in a state that's 300 miles away in any direction from decent pizzas, bagels, or Chinese food of any kind.

    1. Chichikovovich

      Well, shoor. They don't have those things, but it's because none of them can compete with the top-tier deep fried butter-sticks and Snickers bars available statewide.

      1. ProgressiveInga

        And do not forget the Santorum Salad! Can you get one of those in Chicago or New York? Well, maybe in Lakeview (aka Boystown) or in the West Village, but…..

    2. justkillmenow

      If the report would take a moment to pull his sanctimonious head out of his ass and look around a second he would find some of the best pork ever. But bitching about the lack of Chinese food is much more entertaining.

      1. GOPCrusher

        Strap on an Iowa Chop and a baked potato slathered down with sour cream and you wouldn't be bitching your hungry 20 minutes from now.

    3. Loaded_Pants

      You mean there's some towns that don't have a Pizza Ranch?

      Oh wait, you meant "decent pizza".

  5. SayItWithWookies

    Said reporter went on to file a bland story quoting said moronic lies without letting slip any inkling that they were ridiculous fact-free assertions and that this whole race was based on issues so distorted they would've given Picasso vertigo.

  6. Bonzos_Bed_Time

    Next thing you know, reporters are going to start saying crazy things like Iowans are too white, too evangelical and too rural!

  7. Mumbletypeg

    On the back of my heat-&-eat thawed-&-gnawed "sub" sandwich box are the following instructions 'helpful hints':

    Q: Can frozen bread taste like sub-shop? [sic]
    !: Personalize your frozen sub by adding favorite toppings, like freshly grated Parnesan Cheese, or red pepper flakes.

    The fact that __redacted__ brand-name copy scribes feel compelled to notify a consumer he/she may garnish their thawable, gnawable meal at one's own discretion has me speculating that, between the combined IQ's of the producers and consumers of this sh!t, our 66-percenters of voter-idiocracy probably deserves the contempt it reaps.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      It's like those windshield sunshades that have the warning "remove before driving" printed on them.

      1. jus_wonderin

        Have you seen the Nissan Frontier commercial where the dude "uses" it like a snowboard and it does a flying barrel roll?

        The disclaimers are funny (as intended) and state that the Nissan Frontier should not be driven like a snowboard and cannot do barrel rolls…do not attempt.

    2. MissTaken

      Hogwash! Everyone knows Real Americans only use Ketchup. That parmesan cheese sounds awfully foreign to me.

  8. NorthStarSpanx

    They also like to yell fire in the theaters, steal candy from babies, throw dollars at uninsured disabled, stomp on the heads of unarmed activists, cheer when you brag about how many people you've executed by government authority and boo when a DADT soldier poses a question to those who seek to be his Commander in Chief.

    I wish they were just morons and liars, they are worse.

    1. Loaded_Pants

      Not to mention they think that when a candidate talks about something they know nothing about, they consider them to be experts on the topic.

  9. Chichikovovich

    And yet I'm sure (following Wookies suggestion above) that you won't get a hint of that in the story. Instead we'll get:

    Byline – Anonymous reporter quoted by Ben Smith, 1/3/2012

    Voters were abuzz with competing opinions as the excitement that is the Iowa Caucuses rose to a crescendo this evening. Margaret Delacul of Cedar Rapids* was ecstatic over the wave of Santorum streaming through the state: "Rick Santorum is the true pro-choice candidate. He made his children kiss a dead fetus, which is something none of the other candidates have done. Makes you wonder just how much they care about the unborn." While Val D'or of Sioux City favored Ron Paul: "He is the only one who won't crucify mankind on a cross of not-gold. Also he'll press down upon the brow of labor a crown of thorns".

    But the Republican establishment clearly favored Romney: Bo "Shakey" Ståpåvandski, the owner of Ståpåvandski Outboard Motors (formerly Ståpåvandski Pontiac, Saturn, Hummer and Outboard Motors) of Pas-un-vrai-lieu, a small town across the Mississippi from Pas-une-vraie-ville Illinois, spoke forcefully when he confided to this reporter: "Y'know, I never thought that I would support one of those magic underpants people who think Lucifer is the brother of Jesus, but there is absolutely no question in my mind that it's better than four more years of a Muslim terrorist socialist atheist follower of a radical anti-American preacher who said "God damn America's roosting chickens", a guy who wasn't even born in this country, with a wife who eats triple cheeseburgers while trying to make it illegal for everybody else. And there's not a single person in this town who doesn't agree with me. Except the ones who go to the other Baptist church. The one over by the Dairy Swirl past the Buctril-M billboard. You know the one I mean. If you get my drift. And I'm not a racist or anything, it's the Democrats who are the real racists."

    What will happen tonight? Time will tell. Meanwhile, the only constant…. is change.

    * This story is corrected from an earlier version which read "Grand Rapids"

  10. GhostBuggy

    Finally, my new bumper sticker will get some sales: "Don't blame me, I was elected by the lying morons!"

  11. Soylent Green

    Tip for the other reporters in the media pool: Don't go to lunch with this guy. Your waiter will "accidently" send you a Santorum Burger.

  12. weejee

    The Polithoze without Ben Dover Smith will be like Bachmann without the batshit. We'll maybe not that extreme.

    Ben Dover Ben, the BuzzSaw is a comin'.

  13. GOPCrusher

    Hate to break the news to you, but that was the Iowa State Fairgrounds you stayed at. It's one of those little pranks we like to play with you city slickers that come through town and ask where the Marriott is. We point you to the hog barns at the Fairgrounds and charge you 20 bucks for the night.

  14. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Yes, if only this world could be run by the super geniuses who are political reporters.

  15. ttommyunger

    I've seen these Iowan voters you speak of. They seem to me to be the salt of the Earth, the common clay; in a "Blazing Saddles" kind of way.

  16. Bowmanave

    I dont know what more the media or whatever they are called can do. If the recent events have not solidified any voters choice of who to vote for in the next presidenti­al election, then that voter has a problem. The solution, read about issues that affect us all as a country and see who represents that.

Comments are closed.