FACTS ARE STUPID THINGS  2:29 pm January 3, 2012

Iowa Caucus Reporters Reveal That They Despise Iowa Voters

by Wonkette Jr.

Ben Smith can use the F-word now!

Politico gossip Ben Smith recently graduated to … what is it, 4chan? Fark? One of those sites. And now he is free to “tell the truth” about being a political reporter covering political campaigns: It’s not a lot of fun, because of the voters (and the politicians) being such craven idiots.

This is why it’s helpful to have a catastrophic brain injury (see: Wolf Blitzer) before a choosing a career in the U.S. political media! [Buzzfeed Twitter]

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Barb January 3, 2012 at 2:32 pm

"They are all morons and liars" The people running are all Mormons and liars.

hagajim January 3, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Don't often agree with Ben Smith – but I have to here.

Texan_Bulldog January 3, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Wait. There's a Marriott in Iowa?

CrunchyKnee January 3, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Yes, In Des Moines right of'n the I-80. I stayed there once when driving to Chicago. Most of the staff are morans and liars as well.

bureaucrap January 3, 2012 at 2:36 pm

There are worse things than being a political reporter. Imagine being stuck doing advance for Newt ("I said TWO Toilets!!!! He poops like it's going out of style!").

BaldarTFlagass January 3, 2012 at 2:37 pm

What, were the Koch Brothers there, incognito?

edgydrifter January 3, 2012 at 2:37 pm

American Derpceptionalism

TanzbodenKoenig January 3, 2012 at 6:40 pm

Herp/Derp 2012

PuckStopsHere January 3, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Morons? Really? Would a moron vote for Santorum or Bachmann or Newt or Mitt? I put it to you…

SorosBot January 3, 2012 at 2:39 pm

So wait, does that reporter not vote, or do they consider themself to be a moron and a liar?

DaRooster January 3, 2012 at 2:42 pm

"I hate voters candidates, all they are is morons and liars."

iburl January 3, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Keep in mind that this is a Republican Caucus, so yes, they are morons and liars all.

donner_froh January 3, 2012 at 2:43 pm

"They are all morons and liars".

Unlike political reporters who are…(wait, it will come to me in a minute)–morons and liars?

Texan_Bulldog January 3, 2012 at 2:48 pm

I actually like a couple of them (Jon Heileman, Steve Kornacki). But Mark Halperin actually manages to be a living brain donor. My damn dog would be a better commentator than him.

Sue4466 January 3, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Only people more moronic than Iowa voters are the gaggles of reporters trying to discern which GOP mouthbreather will "win" today as if it fucking mattered.

JustPixelz January 3, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Yes. We are voters. Join us. It is bliss*.
* Or am I lying?

memzilla January 3, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Actually, the reporters' frustration comes from being in a state that's 300 miles away in any direction from decent pizzas, bagels, or Chinese food of any kind.

Chichikovovich January 3, 2012 at 2:57 pm

Well, shoor. They don't have those things, but it's because none of them can compete with the top-tier deep fried butter-sticks and Snickers bars available statewide.

ProgressiveInga January 3, 2012 at 3:11 pm

And do not forget the Santorum Salad! Can you get one of those in Chicago or New York? Well, maybe in Lakeview (aka Boystown) or in the West Village, but…..

Beowoof January 3, 2012 at 3:21 pm

But there you have to toss it yourself.

justkillmenow January 3, 2012 at 3:31 pm

If the report would take a moment to pull his sanctimonious head out of his ass and look around a second he would find some of the best pork ever. But bitching about the lack of Chinese food is much more entertaining.

GOPCrusher January 3, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Strap on an Iowa Chop and a baked potato slathered down with sour cream and you wouldn't be bitching your hungry 20 minutes from now.

Loaded_Pants January 3, 2012 at 7:31 pm

You mean there's some towns that don't have a Pizza Ranch?

Oh wait, you meant "decent pizza".

SayItWithWookies January 3, 2012 at 2:57 pm

Said reporter went on to file a bland story quoting said moronic lies without letting slip any inkling that they were ridiculous fact-free assertions and that this whole race was based on issues so distorted they would've given Picasso vertigo.

Come here a minute January 3, 2012 at 2:57 pm

I am not a moran … and I vote!

Bonzos_Bed_Time January 3, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Next thing you know, reporters are going to start saying crazy things like Iowans are too white, too evangelical and too rural!

DerrickWildcat January 3, 2012 at 3:00 pm

This is why I don't vote!

Not_So_Much January 3, 2012 at 3:06 pm

What Iowa needs right now to turn this around is more media attention.

Mumbletypeg January 3, 2012 at 3:11 pm

On the back of my heat-&-eat thawed-&-gnawed "sub" sandwich box are the following instructions 'helpful hints':

Q: Can frozen bread taste like sub-shop? [sic]
!: Personalize your frozen sub by adding favorite toppings, like freshly grated Parnesan Cheese, or red pepper flakes.

The fact that __redacted__ brand-name copy scribes feel compelled to notify a consumer he/she may garnish their thawable, gnawable meal at one's own discretion has me speculating that, between the combined IQ's of the producers and consumers of this sh!t, our 66-percenters of voter-idiocracy probably deserves the contempt it reaps.

BaldarTFlagass January 3, 2012 at 3:18 pm

It's like those windshield sunshades that have the warning "remove before driving" printed on them.

jus_wonderin January 3, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Have you seen the Nissan Frontier commercial where the dude "uses" it like a snowboard and it does a flying barrel roll?

The disclaimers are funny (as intended) and state that the Nissan Frontier should not be driven like a snowboard and cannot do barrel rolls…do not attempt.

MissTaken January 3, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Hogwash! Everyone knows Real Americans only use Ketchup. That parmesan cheese sounds awfully foreign to me.

Geminisunmars January 3, 2012 at 5:16 pm

You know who else liked to personalize their subs?

Sharkey January 3, 2012 at 5:35 pm

I would personalize that with a trashcan.

PalinzADummy January 4, 2012 at 3:52 am

Idiocracy. One of the greatest movies ever made.

NorthStarSpanx January 3, 2012 at 3:19 pm

They also like to yell fire in the theaters, steal candy from babies, throw dollars at uninsured disabled, stomp on the heads of unarmed activists, cheer when you brag about how many people you've executed by government authority and boo when a DADT soldier poses a question to those who seek to be his Commander in Chief.

I wish they were just morons and liars, they are worse.

Loaded_Pants January 3, 2012 at 7:39 pm

Not to mention they think that when a candidate talks about something they know nothing about, they consider them to be experts on the topic.

Beowoof January 3, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Reporters referring to anyone as morons or liars or both. Pot its the kettle for you.

Chichikovovich January 3, 2012 at 3:38 pm

And yet I'm sure (following Wookies suggestion above) that you won't get a hint of that in the story. Instead we'll get:

Byline – Anonymous reporter quoted by Ben Smith, 1/3/2012

Voters were abuzz with competing opinions as the excitement that is the Iowa Caucuses rose to a crescendo this evening. Margaret Delacul of Cedar Rapids* was ecstatic over the wave of Santorum streaming through the state: "Rick Santorum is the true pro-choice candidate. He made his children kiss a dead fetus, which is something none of the other candidates have done. Makes you wonder just how much they care about the unborn." While Val D'or of Sioux City favored Ron Paul: "He is the only one who won't crucify mankind on a cross of not-gold. Also he'll press down upon the brow of labor a crown of thorns".

But the Republican establishment clearly favored Romney: Bo "Shakey" Ståpåvandski, the owner of Ståpåvandski Outboard Motors (formerly Ståpåvandski Pontiac, Saturn, Hummer and Outboard Motors) of Pas-un-vrai-lieu, a small town across the Mississippi from Pas-une-vraie-ville Illinois, spoke forcefully when he confided to this reporter: "Y'know, I never thought that I would support one of those magic underpants people who think Lucifer is the brother of Jesus, but there is absolutely no question in my mind that it's better than four more years of a Muslim terrorist socialist atheist follower of a radical anti-American preacher who said "God damn America's roosting chickens", a guy who wasn't even born in this country, with a wife who eats triple cheeseburgers while trying to make it illegal for everybody else. And there's not a single person in this town who doesn't agree with me. Except the ones who go to the other Baptist church. The one over by the Dairy Swirl past the Buctril-M billboard. You know the one I mean. If you get my drift. And I'm not a racist or anything, it's the Democrats who are the real racists."

What will happen tonight? Time will tell. Meanwhile, the only constant…. is change.

* This story is corrected from an earlier version which read "Grand Rapids"

Steverino247 January 3, 2012 at 4:24 pm

So, you're moonlighting for the AP, now?

chascates January 3, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Stupid politicians. Stupid voters. Smart journalists? From Politico?

GhostBuggy January 3, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Finally, my new bumper sticker will get some sales: "Don't blame me, I was elected by the lying morons!"

Callyson January 3, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Is Ben Smith sure he wasn't overhearing a discussion among RNC staffers?

actor212 January 3, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Ironically, this is precisely how most voters view the press.

Soylent Green January 3, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Tip for the other reporters in the media pool: Don't go to lunch with this guy. Your waiter will "accidently" send you a Santorum Burger.

GeorgiaBurning January 3, 2012 at 4:11 pm

A few weeks of staying in Super 8's and I'd hate everyone, too.

weejee January 3, 2012 at 4:11 pm

The Polithoze without Ben Dover Smith will be like Bachmann without the batshit. We'll maybe not that extreme.

Ben Dover Ben, the BuzzSaw is a comin'.

Baconzgood January 3, 2012 at 4:14 pm


GOPCrusher January 3, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Hate to break the news to you, but that was the Iowa State Fairgrounds you stayed at. It's one of those little pranks we like to play with you city slickers that come through town and ask where the Marriott is. We point you to the hog barns at the Fairgrounds and charge you 20 bucks for the night.

Tundra Grifter January 3, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Twenty bucks for the night? Heck, I got charged $20 for twenty minutes.

Lionel[redacted]Esq January 3, 2012 at 5:32 pm

Yes, if only this world could be run by the super geniuses who are political reporters.

ttommyunger January 3, 2012 at 10:52 pm

I've seen these Iowan voters you speak of. They seem to me to be the salt of the Earth, the common clay; in a "Blazing Saddles" kind of way.

Bowmanave January 5, 2012 at 2:55 am

I dont know what more the media or whatever they are called can do. If the recent events have not solidified any voters choice of who to vote for in the next presidenti­al election, then that voter has a problem. The solution, read about issues that affect us all as a country and see who represents that.

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