police state sleazebags

Sketchy ‘Activist’ Trying To Sex You Is Just an Undercover Cop, Probably

Do you like to protest against the 1% and also rage against the machine and also find sex partners at the various activist actions? WATCH OUT, and not just for the usual reasons of venereal disease and having some dude never leave your couch. Undercover police are increasingly being given orders to have sexytime with young, sexy activists. Totally legal, at least in England, right now! (So Obama probably already made it “legal” in America, with a “signing statement.”)

The Guardian reports:

Undercover police officers routinely adopted a tactic of “promiscuity” with the blessing of senior commanders, according to a former agent who worked in a secretive unit of the Metropolitan police for four years.

The former undercover policeman claims that sexual relationships with activists were sanctioned for both men and women officers infiltrating anarchist, left-wing and environmental groups. Sex was a tool to help officers blend in, the officer claimed, and was widely used as a technique to glean intelligence.

Must be a super-sexy leftist infiltrator who is sexing the leftists, right? Maybe somebody like Che, or Angela Davis, right? NO NOT RIGHT:

Nice swap-meet mirrored shades and double earrings and sketchy goatee, scumbag.

About the author

Wonkette Jr., everybody! Hooray!

View all articles by Wonkette Jr.
What Others Are Reading

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.


  1. Barb

    "Sex was a tool to help officers blend in…"
    The same thing happens at the Wasilla Jr High School.

  2. bureaucrap

    "Hey babe, from each according to her ability, to each according to his need! You got the ability, babe, and I got the need!"

  3. bureaucrap

    the government's under-covers agent.

    Someone had to say it. Thank you, I'll be here all week.

  4. MiniMencken

    Last year's news, Wonkette, Jr.! Find evidence of organ harvesting for transplants into 1%-ers or GTFO.

  5. FlownOver

    Our "special relationship" partners apparently place high reliance on things strangers say to each other during sexytime.

    This must be how the sun came to set on that "empire" thingy.

  6. hagajim

    So in England it's OK to get dicked by the bobbies? In America we just get screwed by the cops.

    1. horsedreamer_1

      Dizzie Rascal, M.I.A., & Tinie Tempeh need to update that mid-80s Comptonian chestnut "Bloody Coppers".

  7. Callyson

    The one stipulation, according to the officer from the Special Demonstration Squad (SDS), a secret unit formed to prevent violent disorder on the streets of London, was that falling in love was considered highly unprofessional because it might compromise an investigation. He said undercover officers, particularly those infiltrating environmental and leftwing groups, viewed having sex with a large number of partners "as part of the job".
    First the Iowa caucuses, now this. I give up on my species…

  8. x111e7thst

    I used to have fantasies where I was some kind of undercover agent and had lots of sex that actually involved other people. It is nice to see that cops have these fantasies too. It humanizes them.

    1. Chichikovovich

      Hey, I've had those fantasies too! Except for the undercover agent part – I don't remember the fantasies involving that.

  9. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    No fair. The Cops always have the best drugs, and now they are getting the best hippie tail!

    1. Crank_Tango

      "feast your ears on THIS Spin Doctors mix, Mr. Mare!"

      (I know I went out there on that one, but hit me with some upfists if you get it)

  10. Chichikovovich

    Look, this is highly misleading. All that false-pretenses-but-otherwise-presumably-consensual forensic boning took place in England, which is one of those immoral socialistic European places. Here the law enforcement professionals are decent folk, who only shoot, taze and brutally beat unarmed, unresisting people including those spreadeagled and held on the ground by several other officers, blast pepper spray at close range down throats and directly into the eyes of unresistant protesters while decked out in more armour than Richard, Coeur de Lion, gather en masse at a courthouse to intimidate the prosecutors of ticket fixing corruption cases, ship innocent citizens of close allies who made the mistake of switching planes at JFK airport off to Syria for months of barbaric torture, and other such morally upright things. Here in America we can be confident that our police will never follow the path of their decadent European counterparts and have sex with subjects of an investigation, except for occasionally, and even then only using toilet plungers.

      1. user-of-owls

        Hey, you ok amigo? We ok? I'm guessing the answer is yes, but it never hurts to ask. I was thinking about your comment that I'd never given you my number. I hope you don't feel hurt in any way by that, I just have real big problems with phones generally, they actually stress me out quite a bit. It's the fact that I've always relied on visual cues, you know, the whole 'anxious to please/child of an alcoholic' thing. So I just wanted to make sure you knew that. And in the event that something really does pop up, either way of course, it's not going to take a whole lot of professional-grade sleuthing to track an owl. We're the flagship, dept. has a webpage, photo included! So please feel free at any point to creep all over me. In fact, we could even do the whole FB thing if that was any interest to you! Ok, got to dash…semester's ending with a bang, and not in a cozy sense. But I am truly, truly happy and that's the fucking bee's knees, man! Abrazos.

        1. user-of-owls

          Ok, sorry this has to be so brief, but I think I've hit on a solution to some of our problems. I just set this up, so bare bones and all. If it's something you're interested in, send a message to the 'owner' and we can make it a closed loop. One thing though, ok, two: 1) no, you can and will get up; 2) yes, you will do it again. More later today after an afternoon of (political) violence. Abrazos, hermano.


          1. user-of-owls

            Morning amigo, just checking in. Replying to me so you can delete yours. No need for it now. Are you holding up? I was a bit confused by a couple of things, like what the "long day and a half" referred to. I'll leave it at that for now, you know how to get in touch. Take care, hermano, te amo.

  11. Goonemeritus

    Mark Kennedy seems to be quite a step down from the British 007 tradition. If I were to guess he is only licensed to give you crabs.

  12. SayItWithWookies

    What the hell constitutes "infiltrating a ring of environmental activists" — signing up, going to the meetings and buying the magazine subscription? Someone better not tell the police chief that said environmental activists publish their meeting minutes on the web or the whole undercover operation will be blown. I mean screwed. I mean ruined. I mean, some cops will have to actually look for criminals, see?

  13. mavenmaven

    "infiltrating anarchist, left-wing and environmental groups" infiltrating indeed. They probably leaked this story as a recruitment tool.

  14. Bluestatelibel

    Those are some tough cops, going up against those dangerous environmental activists. Next thing you know they'll be going up against the local animal welfare society, then onto the plant-a-tree foundation.

  15. SenileAgitation

    Good thing America is too sexually repressed to encourage the 5-0 to indulge in boning dissidents for their secrets!

  16. BigDumbRedDog

    Ha ha. What these assholes don't know is that they are going to get slapped with paternity suits and be forced to finance the upbringing and fuzzy liberal education of some smelly hippy slacker baby.

  17. gurukalehuru

    Ah, yes, but what about those extremely devious left-wing activists who are sleeping with the undercover cops in order to give them false information.

  18. actor212

    The former undercover policeman claims that sexual relationships with activists were sanctioned for both men and women officers infiltrating anarchist, left-wing and environmental groups. Sex was a tool to help officers blend in, the officer claimed, and was widely used as a technique to glean intelligence.

    I forsee a new career for me.

    Ah, yes, but what about those extremely devious left-wing activists who are sleeping with the undercover cops in order to give them false information.

    Followed by an even newer career

  19. CrunchyKnee

    That is the poster boy for the Brits cops, you should see the others. Low standard indeed.

  20. chicken_thief

    So Mark sez he got some pussy and we believe him – why? If people are that gullible then I say, "everyone owes me $20".

  21. BaldarTFlagass

    Since this is England we're talking about, shouldn't that headline read "dodgy" instead of "sketchy"?

  22. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    You know, I call shenanigans on this. As, to my knowledge, it has never been proven that British people have sex.

  23. GregComlish

    Are the lady cops authorized to give anal? You can never truly blend in without a little bendin'.

  24. MissTaken

    I'm finding this very difficult to masturbate to. Where's LimeyLizzie and her Nazi spy roleplaying when you need it?

  25. ttommyunger

    Jeez, if a dickwad like this can get laid I should have half a chance…..I feel a sudden urge to demonstrate, folks!

  26. Ducksworthy

    I have gleaned most of what little intelligence I have from having sex with women I barely knew, in the biblical sense, of barely.

Comments are closed.