PROMISES KEPT?  2:15 pm January 3, 2012

Obama Just Wants to Remind You That He Won Iowa In 2008

by Liz Colville

Really, 'promises kept'? Really?

The Obama campaign released a web video Tuesday morning as a friendly reminder to America that the President already knows who won the Iowa caucuses — in 2008, when he was Man of That Distant Year. Looking at pieces of media like this, it’s remarkable to think that Obama has the so-huge-it-sounds-fake sum of $99 million in the bank. Where is it all going? So far, it’s funding a 4th-grade-level iMovie cut with a terrible rock soundtrack that sounds like the music at the end of America’s Next Top Model when the winner is jumping up and down, slapping a hand to each cheek and crying, I WONNNNN.

Mr. President! We know that you give good speech! This is the only thing we know for sure! There is a lot of edited-sounding (but probably at some point genuine) cheer-track hooting and hollering in the video, entitled “Promises Kept,” which is essentially snippets of Obama’s speech from the night of the Iowa caucus interspersed with people freaking out about all the undeliverably dreamy-sounding promises being made. The second time around, the soundtrack is sounding more like “With Or Without You” by U2. An excerpt of the excerpts:

“You have done what the cynics said we could do…health care…working Americans who deserve it…harnesses the ingenuity…free this nation…tyranny…oil…WOOHOO…troops home.”

Odious. Not just in terms of the irony of the thing but in terms of the fact that the Obama campaign could make, like The Hobbit II with the amount of money they have. At least on the day of a middling midwestern horse race, make something more entertaining than that race, instead of something awkwardly cheap and rose-tinted. [USA Today]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 110 comments }

Barb January 3, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Newt is gonna lose. How would you like to be the staffer who tells Callista that she got her anus bleached this morning for nothing!

OneDollarJuana January 3, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Poor staffer. I predict he'll need to visit the car wash to get the Callista santorum off.

Note that I am not capitalizing santorum anymore. It's a generic term.

BaldarTFlagass January 3, 2012 at 2:29 pm

If you mention it on a German blog, however, you should still capitalize it, since it is a proper noun.

proudgrampa January 3, 2012 at 2:40 pm

"Ich NICHT bin ein Santorum!"

flamingpdog January 3, 2012 at 3:06 pm

I'm on my way to copyright the term right now.

Terry January 3, 2012 at 2:57 pm

I suspect she won't mind much. If he actually go elected, it would reduce his earning potential and place a limit on her Tiffany shopping.

4TheTurnstiles January 3, 2012 at 3:31 pm

I'm sure she did it for someone. Just not Newt. Remember, Callista blows her own horn in the Fairfax City Band.

tessiee January 3, 2012 at 9:52 pm

Still better than being the esthetician (?) who actually has to do said butthole bleaching.

ttommyunger January 3, 2012 at 10:54 pm

Calista's anus? Thanks for that picture, Barb; now I'm fumbling around trying to find the brain-bleach.

Barb January 4, 2012 at 1:18 am

Sorry, my good friend.

nounverb911 January 3, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Let me know when you send the House of Reps to Gitmo, then we'll talk.

DaRooster January 3, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Who is that guy?

OneDollarJuana January 3, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Careful, now. If he gets pissed at you he'll call you a terrorist and have you assassinated.

GOPCrusher January 3, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Amazing at how many Tea Baggers out there that don't realize that all this guy has to do is pick up the phone and he can get a Predator strike anywhere he wants.

BaldarTFlagass January 3, 2012 at 2:32 pm

I think it's the Don Cheadle character from Soderbergh's remake of Ocean's Eleven. He looked cool, and I think he smoked ciggies too.

DaRooster January 3, 2012 at 2:37 pm

"We're talkin' American Iron! I'm gonna jump that Mutha Fucker!"

Donner, Party of 1 January 3, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Hey, he looks like one of those lazy welfare recipients Santorum was talking about yesterday. Get 'im!

memzilla January 3, 2012 at 2:19 pm

"…[Obama's campaign is] funding a 4th-grade-level iMovie cut with a terrible rock soundtrack…]

Look at any of the Rethuglitard campaign rallies in Iowa, using the Country and Racist Western music, and you will conclude that, if anything, Obama's video is overproduced.

Besides, Obama has Bruce Springsteen, Marc Antony, and Jay-Z indefinitely detained on option, for videos for teh youngz and urbanz.

SorosBot January 3, 2012 at 2:36 pm

But the Republicans have the music of Ted Nugent and, let's see, well Gene Simmons, and, uh Mickey Dolenz of the Monkees (but not the rest) and, um, well probably a bunch of country singers, and um…

OneYieldRegular January 3, 2012 at 2:46 pm

You forgot Asleep at the Wheel, the aptly named band that played Dubya's first inauguration.

mookwrthwilson January 3, 2012 at 3:03 pm

and even more aptly, they were scheduled to play at the White House on 9/11/01…

Lionel[redacted]Esq January 3, 2012 at 3:12 pm

I like women and black people, so I usually don't listen to country music.

–Greg Proops.

Gratuitous World January 3, 2012 at 2:20 pm

then he reminded us he can detain us indefinitely if we don't do it again.

PuckStopsHere January 3, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Too bad he couldn't free this nation from the tyranny of the filibuster and Supreme Court.

Chet Kincaid January 3, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Give him time and a couple of more dead Justices.

Jukesgrrl January 3, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Not to mention the tyranny of power-drunk cops with pepper spray.

Fred_Wertham_Jr January 3, 2012 at 2:21 pm

That was one hell of a speech. I remember thinking, "Please don't shoot this guy."

Texan_Bulldog January 3, 2012 at 2:23 pm

I still think that. I think if he wins another term, some militia wing nut dude is going to go ape shit. Definitely hope not but the hate is scary insane.

donner_froh January 3, 2012 at 2:27 pm

You are right. The frothing, spewing hatred that a lot of whites feel toward Obama (actually all black people) is way beyond anything that could be explained politically.

So much insanity just waiting to reload.

El Pinche_v2 January 3, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Yeah, frothing racists are going drop the euphemisms (e.g. muslin , thug) and go straight to "nigger." At least employment will go up slightly in the secret services (we hope).

memzilla January 3, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Southern racism is, at least, more honest than Northern and Midwestern racism.

Southern racism is up front and unapologetic and makes no attempt to disguise itself for anything other than what it always has been for the past four centuries or so. The Northern and Midwestern racism is more of the behind-the-hand, wink-wink type.

As an Old White Guy, I can't tell you the number of times I've heard another white person casually — casually! — drop N***** or S*** into a conversation, in that especially scary "you're-white-so-you-must-agree-with-me" tone of assumption.

johnnyzhivago January 3, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Promises kept, except for the ones he didn't.

Papa_Uniform January 3, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Oh yeah, and how many was that?

CrunchyKnee January 3, 2012 at 2:46 pm

All of them.

Chet Kincaid January 3, 2012 at 2:34 pm

How old are you, that you need explained to you the difference between a promise and a guarantee, in the context of how our system of government works?

GOPCrusher January 3, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Mitt Romney is going around today, promising to repeal every piece of legislation that was signed by President Obama.
Like to see how that will work out for him.

donner_froh January 3, 2012 at 2:23 pm

In 2008 he had Grandpa Crash and a hysterical hillbilly running against him (and Uncle Joe Biden). This year he will have a Mormon robot and a guy so bland he disappears on the GOP ticket.

Timing really is everything.

Jukesgrrl January 3, 2012 at 4:20 pm

You think Mitt's running mate will be Pawlenty? Not a Latino? (And I don't mean Marco Rubio, I'm thinking Gov. Susana Martinez, unless they're still too snake-bit from the last time they picked a really popular female governor.)

SorosBot January 3, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Like Old Man McCain and the Snowbilly, Mittens will probably pick someone from the far-right to appease the base that doesn't think he's wingnutty enough.

GOPCrusher January 3, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Mittens/Bill Kristol 2012!

horsedreamer_1 January 3, 2012 at 10:36 pm

No. Florida Governor Rick Scott. For the WILLARD/SCOTT ticket.

Gonna party like it's your birthday…

Geminisunmars January 3, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Who does she govern? (I'm too lazy to google.)

Jukesgrrl January 4, 2012 at 9:01 pm

Martinez is the current gov. of New Mexico, which would be a sop to the Southwestern U.S., as well as Latinos.With none of the Marco Rubio baggage.She's a reasonably attractive 40-something with very high poll numbers … shades of the Wasilla Wonder.

actor212 January 3, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Why is it I keep seeing that photo of Obama and hearing "I got this".

Mojopo January 3, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Me too. Thanks for the last pitcher, Obe. I'll get the next one.

AlterNewt January 3, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Yes. Everything's okay now.

Mojopo January 3, 2012 at 2:26 pm

"…more united than divided…" HAHAHAHAHAAA!

LesBontemps January 3, 2012 at 2:28 pm

That guy should be president, instead of the one we got now.

Chet Kincaid January 3, 2012 at 2:35 pm

If "that guy" were President, they'd have shot him already.

Jukesgrrl January 3, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Yeah, you got a point.

DerrickWildcat January 3, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Obama's approval rating with Americans has dropped to 12%. We all need to work on that this year. Make it your New Year Resolution.

x111e7thst January 3, 2012 at 2:30 pm

I did not watch the video but does the part where Barry explains why it was really really important to give hundreds of billions to the banks get the biggest cheers?

LionHeartSoyDog January 3, 2012 at 2:40 pm

The banks got Trillions(!)

Wadisay January 3, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Count me among those disillusioned with Obama. He failed to keep America safe from Republicanism.

sbj1964 January 3, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Repthuglicans,Tea baggers are difficult to spray for.We need the ORkIN man.

Beowoof January 3, 2012 at 3:00 pm

It isn't easy fighting the stupid in America. See: http://www.esquire.com/features/ESQ0207GREETINGS

Charlie has expanded Idiot America into a book that tells a fascinating story of how we got here and who is responsible.

slowhansolo January 3, 2012 at 2:32 pm

See what happens when you quit smoking?

donner_froh January 3, 2012 at 2:55 pm

You gain a few pounds and become an object of fearful hatred for mouthbreathers?

ProgressiveInga January 3, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Buck up, Wonketteers, "…as you know, ah, you go to war with the army you have—not the army you might want or wish to have at a later time." ~ Rummy (not to be confused with the poet Rumi who said, "Every enemy is your medicine, your beneficial alchemy and heart healing….")

Geminisunmars January 3, 2012 at 3:45 pm

In that (Rumi's) case, after the republican nominating process is done I'll bet we will all be quite fit.

sbj1964 January 3, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Obama won in 2008,and it looks like a win for him in Iowa 2012!

memzilla January 3, 2012 at 2:35 pm

You will know that Mittens has jumped the shark as soon as the first "y'all" smarms out from between his bloodless, sneer-curdled lips.

Come here a minute January 3, 2012 at 2:37 pm

President Obama has spent the first three years of his term doing a tremendous job of not saying, "Motherfucker, I want more Iced Tea!"

HedonismBot January 3, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Obama actually does have some amazing leadership skills. I don't know why he mostly chooses not to use them.

Tundra Grifter January 3, 2012 at 2:37 pm

On a slightly different note, it would be interesting to compare Rick Santorum's final personal financial statement as a US Senator and his current PSF as a Presidential candidate.

I'm really curious – just what the heck has this guy and his family been living on?

UW8316154 January 3, 2012 at 3:06 pm

Product endorsements

flamingpdog January 3, 2012 at 3:18 pm

They're apparently not living as well as the Duggars who have been out campaigning for him in Iowa in a ginormous bus.

Jukesgrrl January 3, 2012 at 4:30 pm

He's on the payroll of the Ethics and Public Policy Center, a con group describing itself as "dedicated to applying the Judeo-Christian moral tradition to critical issues of public policy." It's headed by Edward Whelan, formerly of the Bush Justice Department and a past general counsel to Verizon, a company known for its Judeo-Christian ethics. So say bye-bye to the tubes of the internetz if Lil Rickie is ever in charge.

The Catholic Church might also be able to funnel the family some money through Mr. and Mrs.'s roles as Knight and Dame of Magistral Grace of the Knights of Malta, but I'm sure that would be too well-hidden for the IRS to find. (Maybe gold objects that they can transfer to cash at some mall kiosk?)

He's also got some shady connections to a "government relations group" (i.e., "we pretend we aren't lobbyists") called Capitol Resource Group through a so-called charity Operation Good Neighbor whose treasurer is also the treasurer of Santorum's reelection campaign AND his PAC "America's Foundation."

And if that doesn't scream "John Ensign" loud enough, I don't know what else would.

Tundra Grifter January 3, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Well done! Now that's some real journalism right there. More than ClusterFox manages in a week.

Cute AND smart? Jukesgrrl, you don't play fair!

I get a kick out of the "Judeo-Christian" line (one of Bull O'Really?'s favorites). That's a lie from the 1950s, when conservatives woke up after WWII and realized Hey! Jews aren't Christians, are they?

It was Ricky, of course, who lived off campaign contributions (charging a single hamburger from a joint close to his house to the campaign). Who got a sweetheart home mortgage from a bank he didn't qualify to be a customer of. Who sent his kids to a private school in DC and charged his local school district for it..

Jukesgrrl January 4, 2012 at 8:55 pm

Thanks for the compliment.As they say on Wonket, “I was a journalism major in college, so I have every reason to believe my research is accurate.”I was a constituent of Lil Ricky's for eight years, so I've been tracking his criminal enterprise for a long time.

tessiee January 3, 2012 at 10:06 pm

"to applying the Judeo-Christian moral tradition to critical issues of public policy."

Translation: Trying to get as many laws possible passed that punish women for having sex.

ShaveTheWhales January 3, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Santorum salad?

tessiee January 3, 2012 at 10:04 pm

"just what the heck has this guy and his family been living on?"

Those jars of pickled fetus that have been stored in the root cellar.

tihond January 3, 2012 at 2:38 pm

That Barack was more Top Model. Now he's just Pot Ledom.

SorosBot January 3, 2012 at 2:38 pm

How about he goes back to his previous plan and just run a bunch of clips of the Republican debates?

elviouslyqueer January 3, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Presidential candidate Mitt Romney likened Obama's pledges to the short-lived marriage of Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries.

Oh please, I so call bullshit on this, since any of Mitt's marital smack-talking is always going to end up being about Newtie Patootie.

SayItWithWookies January 3, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Apparently the latest craze among bigamists is to condemn serial monogamy. Go figure.

Chet Kincaid January 3, 2012 at 2:48 pm

I don't think Obama is going to roll over and admit to you Lib-Bitters that he is a godawful, miserable failure. So keep your dudgeon high, your bile loose and your recriminations profane and acidic, because $99 million will buy enough re-election ads to make your heads explode.

Papa_Uniform January 3, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Yep, and that ain't all it bought.

Blueb4sunrise January 3, 2012 at 2:52 pm

I hope no-one steps on this latest post by Liz.

OneYieldRegular January 3, 2012 at 2:52 pm

The Schadenfreudenista in me is supporting Barry even more enthusiastically this time around, just for the effect it'll have on Orly Taitz et al.

jus_wonderin January 3, 2012 at 4:19 pm

I am with ya. And for the fact that the Just Say No Republicans will go another 4 years saying NO to things they would have otherwise said Yes to. Kind of fun to watch, but yes, frustrating too.

GOPCrusher January 3, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Me too. If for nothing else, Barry wakes up to the fact that he doesn't have to worry about getting re-elected, the Republiklans are going to be against anything he does, and he decides to go old school like the Barry we voted for the first time should have.

SayItWithWookies January 3, 2012 at 2:52 pm

At least on the day of a middling midwestern horse race, make something more entertaining than that race, instead of something awkwardly cheap and rose-tinted.

Maybe it's nice to have a reminder of where we were in 2008 — in Iraq apparently forever; with the crisis that sparked TARP not even apparent yet outside of investment bankers' executive offices; entertaining the prospect of another Republican administration and the definite possibility of war with Iran; the continued gutting of financial and environmental regulations; botulism in your peanut butter once a month; PELL Grants getting slashed by billions every budget cycle; an incompetent buffoon lunging around the world like a drunk cowboy in a spaghetti western — hell, back then I thought my future would involve a trailer, a lot of wire cages and a sign that said "Rabbits 4 pets or meat." This is, relatively, fuckin' paradise.

nonbeliever7 January 3, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Yep, a good start on HCR and getting the boys/girls home from Messopotamia is more progress than the last 3 Repubs combined. We need to dream big, but accept a bit of reality too. Don't even think about letting a Republican near the White House until they grow up.

tessiee January 3, 2012 at 10:09 pm

"an incompetent buffoon lunging around the world like a drunk cowboy in a spaghetti western"

Yeah, LIKE a drunk cowboy!
Although, actually, I have read on more than one occasion that Dumbya actually dislikes and fears horses, so there you go.

gullywompr January 3, 2012 at 2:53 pm

And he got Osama Bin Laden.
Also.
Too.

UW8316154 January 3, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Top that, bitchez

SayItWithWookies January 3, 2012 at 3:13 pm

But he never promised to do that, so it doesn't count.

gullywompr January 3, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Oh, I disagree, but give you a thumb for good, clean snark.

SayItWithWookies January 3, 2012 at 11:15 pm

Damn, good catch — I didn't know he'd really promised to do that.

GOPCrusher January 3, 2012 at 5:03 pm

No. But then again, George Bush said he doesn't even think about Osama any more and Republiklans promised us that the terrorists would win if he was elected.

Geminisunmars January 3, 2012 at 3:50 pm

And he isn't tooting that horn overmuch, like you know who else might?

nonbeliever7 January 3, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Gawd, we'd be on our 25th victory parade if shrub had gotten him.

LiveToServeYa January 3, 2012 at 2:56 pm

I'm still sticking with the sane guy compared to the alternatives. It's better to be ground under the heel of a rational man rather than the heel of a Magic Underpantser. His heels have holes in them, anyway, and might not hurt so much.

donner_froh January 3, 2012 at 2:58 pm

The sound of "President Romney" will be worth a few million popular votes.

Indiepalin January 3, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Somebody just told me that there is an article on the web today entitled "Handicapping the Iowa Caucus" by Charles Krauthammer.

not that Dewey January 3, 2012 at 3:26 pm

I kind of like the idea of throwing the Iowa Caucus into the shallow end of a pool.

mereoblivion January 3, 2012 at 3:03 pm

"something awkwardly cheap and rose-tinted"–is that the missing part of the formula for a lovely wedding? And a lovely wedding it was. The marriage, now the marriage needs help (whose doesn't?).

Joshua Norton January 3, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Obama Just Wants to Remind You That He Won Iowa in 2008

Yeah. And Grant took Richmond once upon a time. What's yer point, Barry?

Beowoof January 3, 2012 at 3:08 pm

The republicans are the same as they always have been, selfish, stingy motherfuckers who would step on their grandmother to get an extra buck for themselves. This group isn't new and they are persistent in their selfishness. I was just reading about how Smedley Butler helped stop a coup to take over the government and the republicans then sound the same as the ones now. Screw the poor, they deserve it. They stooped to lows that if we learned about them in school, the republicans would be out of business getting any votes from the 99%.
While many say that Hopey turned dopey, I would argue that he has moved us futher into the new millenium than any one since Roosevelt. He got us out of Iraq, he got health care passed, found a way through a payroll tax holiday to get money into the hands of folks who can use it the most. While just the beginning and fighting seriously entrenched interests he has made strides. However, since there weren't rainbows and unicorns that fart glitter, he must be an asshole.

Geminisunmars January 3, 2012 at 4:24 pm

You get bonus points for saying what I would have if I had your skills.

Lionel[redacted]Esq January 3, 2012 at 3:39 pm

But, wait, according to FOX News, Talk Radio and all of the Republican Candidates, President Obama has fundamentally changed this country into a Kenyan/European Socialist State in which the New Black Panther Party keeps white people away from the ballot boxes and prevents all but Donald Trump from knowing the secret of his true birth origin. On top of that, he has made us weaker abroad by killing our enemies and ending unpopular wars, although he kind of had to do that since the military is totally run by teh ghayez now. And he has taken away all of out guns, while increasing taxes on everyone by lowering them., or something. Not to mention he played golf, apparently while at the same time having black people to the White House. Plus he took over all private business and is only allowing us to use halal oil.

Totally undermining this country and all of our liberties while destroying our thriving economy in the name of Allah is a lot for one man to do in three years.

GOPCrusher January 3, 2012 at 5:17 pm

That, and he spent 15 trillion dollars in the same amount of time and America doesn't have one thing to show for it.

tessiee January 3, 2012 at 10:13 pm

"Totally undermining this country and all of our liberties while destroying our thriving economy in the name of Allah is a lot for one man to do in three years."

*chuh!*
NOW who's being naive?
He didn't do it all by himself; he had help from his secret underground army of commie Muslin minions!

Antispandex January 3, 2012 at 4:18 pm

I know everyone will think me a cretin, but I was more focused on the fact that this is Iowa. IOWA! This isn't California, or New York, or…well any place with people living in it. It's IOWA! So, my question is, why does everyone care so much? Will the next obsession be, "Who won the Wyoming Primary"?

mavenmaven January 3, 2012 at 4:47 pm

The campaign figured "awkwardly cheap and rose-tinted" would go over well in Iowa.

mrbubb January 3, 2012 at 5:18 pm

"Promises Kept"? Is that like "Mission Accomplished"?

fuflans January 3, 2012 at 7:43 pm

well maybe, but i'd rather have a hobbit than a goblin, orc, dragon or newt.

ttommyunger January 3, 2012 at 10:56 pm

"The President is near…." I just like saying that because it drives the wingnuts crazy.

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