ENDANGERED SPECIES  12:12 pm January 3, 2012

Jon Huntsman Donating To Himself For a Few Days

by Liz Colville

GOP primary voters don't like complicated math.

Republican fringe-moderate candidate Jon Huntsman sent out an e-mail to supporters the other day announcing that he would match any donations received until midnight on January 4, that being the first day of the rest our lives following tonight’s roll in the Iowa hay. While perfectly legal — there’s no limit to the amount of capital gains a bajillionaire can sink into his or her (her!!) political campaign — it doesn’t feel or sound or smell legal. “I am adding a wrinkle,” Huntsman wrote. A wrinkle?

The “wrinkle” is that the money would specifically go to the cost of airing a TV ad in New Hampshire. (The TV ad actually already exists in cheapo web form.) Huntsman also noted a surge in campaign contributions in the week or so around New Year’s, so as the Chicago Sun-Times politely observed, this is just (“just”) a way for Huntsman to “leverage his cash.” In other words, it’s less crass than having to admit in a few days or weeks that he had to funnel in a few million (more) to his campaign, just because.

Stiiiiill, this comes off as sounding a lot like those endangered species e-mail blasts that environmental groups send around: board member so-and-so will match your donation if you would just toss a few coins into the breeding campaign of the greater sage-grouse! The problem is, cerebral, anti-theatrical nice guy Huntsman is not nearly as cute as the least cute animal on the planet. Endangered? Yes. But look at what’s happened to the wild speckled Santorum in the past 72 hours. [Chicago Sun Times]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 66 comments }

nounverb911 January 3, 2012 at 12:13 pm

Are his fathers Iranian connections helping too?

JustPixelz January 3, 2012 at 12:36 pm

President Bachmann will wipe Iran off the map. The sterile land will be called Bachmannia in honor of her. We'll have no pistachio nuts, but we'll still have her.

Tundra Grifter January 3, 2012 at 12:40 pm

JP:

Probably no saffron, either.

GOPCrusher January 3, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Only with voters that identify themselves as Reagan Republiklans.

Barb January 3, 2012 at 12:15 pm

He still hasn't decided if he is going to vote for himself though.

Terry January 3, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Worse yet, his daughters just joined the Ron Paul campaign.

memzilla January 3, 2012 at 12:18 pm

…[Huntsman] would match any donations received until midnight on January 4,"

If I send him a bill, will he subtract that same amount of money from his campaign?

DustBowlBlues January 3, 2012 at 12:31 pm

This is such a common gimmick, the "matching funds." The DLCC, DNC, the DSCC and–wait–not the ODP. Oklahoma's party has no rich people.

Anyway, sending them a bill so they subtract this much made me laugh. Thanks.

SorosBot January 3, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Who?

Radiotherapy January 3, 2012 at 12:19 pm

It's almost as good a business model as Trump, et. al.'s bankrupt 'em and buy 'em back at pennies on the dollar.

NorthStarSpanx January 3, 2012 at 2:42 pm

OMG, Sarah Palin called it:

Um, I think Huntsman should drop out because he didn’t even give it the old college try in Iowa, and I think that’s offensive to the entire GOP, and to the entire uh field in America where you know the the kind of the heart and soul of America there being represented in Iowa, and Huntsman doesn’t even want to give it the effort that I think most of us would have liked to have seen. So, I think Huntsman who, what, I think he’s pollin’ only 1, or 2, or 3, or whatever the single digits are today, perhaps he’ll be dropping out unless he wants to spend his own money and perhaps even go into debt to run for President. Yeah, Eric, I do think that we’ll see, perhaps, Huntsman uh, drop out.

ManchuCandidate January 3, 2012 at 12:19 pm

Of all the candidates, Huntsman would be the one who would leading and give Barry the hardest time in an election if not for his:
1) Intelligence
2) Talking the Ching Chong (aka Mandarin.)
3) Being not a REAL Xtian
4) Sanity
5) being US America Ambassador to China thanks to the Kenyan

actor212 January 3, 2012 at 12:20 pm

See, what Huntman OUGHT to try is to donate to the people he's asking to donate to him. Then you'd have something!

4TheTurnstiles January 3, 2012 at 12:20 pm

I'm more interested in the creases and wrinkles in the magical underpants of the Huntsman daughters.

ManchuCandidate January 3, 2012 at 12:29 pm

"Again I say to you, it is easier for a camel toe go through the eye of a horny man, than for a rich Mormon to enter the White House."

MrFizzy January 3, 2012 at 12:41 pm

You'll need to bring your own humidifier.

El Pinche v2 January 3, 2012 at 12:20 pm

Huntsman is the Ron Paul of the GOP primary 2012.

CapnFatback January 3, 2012 at 12:20 pm

Funny, Huntsman doesn't look like a Nigerian prince.

Welcome, fresh meat er, Liz!

lizcolville January 3, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Thank you. That was the nickname given to me by my college cross-country team, so I'm thrilled.

CapnFatback January 5, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Your cross-country team called you "Nigerian Prince"?

slowhansolo January 3, 2012 at 12:20 pm

Sounds like he feels a bit like I did on NYE: certain that it's time to leave the party well before it even got started.

FlyOverGirl January 3, 2012 at 12:39 pm

2012 GOP Primary = “And there ain't no party like a Liz Lemon party 'cause a Liz Lemon party is mandatory!”

Lucidamente1 January 3, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Can I get a tote bag, to carry all the Santorum?

johnnymeatworth January 3, 2012 at 12:25 pm

I'll take my Santorum in a handy mug after wiping it up with this handsome sweatshirt.

memzilla January 3, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Huntsman also noted a surge in campaign contributions…

Sorry, Jon, there's only one candidate that have the "S word" used about his campaign.

BlueStateLibel January 3, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Do I at least get a lousy tote bag or umbrella, or Ken Burns entire Civil War series for just $495?

Also: there's nothing that stirs the soul like zillionaires begging for money.

BaldarTFlagass January 3, 2012 at 12:25 pm

I donated to my inebriation campaign over the last couple of weeks; I just hope they don't conduct a drug screening here at work for another week or two…

Tundra Grifter January 3, 2012 at 12:42 pm

BTF:

Drug test? True/false or multiple test?

I've been cramming for mine.

weejee January 3, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Is this a new joke about Santoruming lubing the campaign chutes?

Chillwaver January 3, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Huntsman/Huntsman 2016!

JustPixelz January 3, 2012 at 12:29 pm

LIZ COLVILLE! Welcome to the wonkette's world wide web of snark and satirical and sartorial … um, what was I saying? Oh yeah, pay no attention to Chuck Norris — a million too many hits to the head, if you know what I mean.

Blueb4sunrise January 3, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Don't know L.C., but a website has a photo of someone grinding their groin against a doorway, so that's good.
http://www.elizabethcolville.com/

Tundra Grifter January 3, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Gives new meaning to "climbing the walls…"

HereKitty January 3, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Worlds collide, YAAAAY! Welcome, Liz.

Donner, Party of 1 January 3, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Someone needs to do a sad-faced Huntsman mash-up with Sarah McLachlan singing Angel.

snackypants January 3, 2012 at 12:50 pm

Spit coffee out of my nose at this comment!

DerrickWildcat January 3, 2012 at 12:30 pm

He just doesn't understand crazy…just doesn't get it.

Come here a minute January 3, 2012 at 12:30 pm

What does Jon Huntsman have against the lesser sage-grouse?

user-of-owls January 3, 2012 at 12:50 pm

I personally hate sage grouses of all sorts. Too many feathers, not enough meat. Always clogging up the ol' cloaca, if you know what I mean.

Dashboard Buddha January 3, 2012 at 12:31 pm

So, this is a kind of donation auto-eroticism? He'll stimulate himself by giving to himself. Sounds kinky. How long will it be before we find a dead body tangled in a masturbation harness in the closet?

SorosBot January 3, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Now I donate to myself fairly often, but don't normally talk about it in public like Huntsman here; and I thought the Mormon church was against donating to yourself (even though everyone does it).

Dashboard Buddha January 3, 2012 at 2:09 pm

I understand that instead of making your palms hairy, it makes them green. Also, you can go power-mad.

MrFizzy January 3, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Cuntsman's soon going to be adding the wrinkle of shutting down his campaign permanently. I think I may send him some money while there's still time.

Mumbletypeg January 3, 2012 at 12:34 pm

I have no ca$h to donate, Jon, but I've plenty of wrinkles to happily part with now that you've mentioned it.

Blueb4sunrise January 3, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Okay. Fine, you worthless fucks….. here's the interview of the people pictured in the previous thread.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BaxECcTjCuw

BaldarTFlagass January 3, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Dude on the back of the ATV (?) obviously knows what's going to happen next with this video. Plus, Joe Walsh (the guitarist not the obnoxious congressman) behind the wheel there really needs to upgrade.

Mahousu January 3, 2012 at 12:36 pm

“I am adding a wrinkle,” Huntsman wrote.
Listening to the other Republican candidates will do that to you.

mavenmaven January 3, 2012 at 12:39 pm

I'm donating a kidney.

user-of-owls January 3, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Better yet, donate a liver. See how long the bastard lasts when his humors get out of whack.

An_Outhouse January 3, 2012 at 1:06 pm

I sent some semen.

KeepFnThatChicken January 3, 2012 at 12:41 pm

"Leverage his cash" is another way to say "have someone masturbate him through his magic underwear".

TanzbodenKoenig January 3, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Give it up, Huntsman.

It's the Santorum Surge 2012 – Time To Change The Sheets!

donner_froh January 3, 2012 at 12:43 pm

They still won't ask him any questions during the debates.

Callyson January 3, 2012 at 12:43 pm

I read that as "Jon Huntsman Donating Himself For a Few Days," and thought of how much Rick Perry and Marcus Bachmann will appreciate Jon's services…

user-of-owls January 3, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Huntsman also noted a surge in campaign contributions in the week or so around New Year’s

So his 'wrinkle' is that he'll be relying on the new Drunk Dialers Superpac?

snackypants January 3, 2012 at 12:52 pm

I first read this as "Drunk Diapers Superpac" which somehow works given the times we live in.

donner_froh January 3, 2012 at 12:47 pm

Republican fringe-moderate candidate

Liz Colville, you know how to make an entrance.

An_Outhouse January 3, 2012 at 1:05 pm

I'll rub out a 'donation' for Huntsman when I get home. He can match it or not. I don't want to know.

DaRooster January 3, 2012 at 2:15 pm

That should take out all of the wrinkles…

KeepFnThatChicken January 3, 2012 at 1:07 pm

He's got some santorum on his jpeg, there.

DahBoner January 3, 2012 at 1:16 pm

If he tosses in that brain video by Dr. Amen, then I'm in…

Buzz Feedback January 3, 2012 at 1:54 pm

"Speckled Santorum" could be a sign of infection.

gullywompr January 3, 2012 at 2:00 pm

I have in my possession one rat's ass, but I am unable to donate it.

DaRooster January 3, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Huntsman… the Mormon Pawlenty.

Nostrildamus January 3, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Browsing Wonkette for first time in weeks, perusing low-comment threads, I find this one – small, sad, no one paying attention – just like Huntsman's campaign.

ttommyunger January 3, 2012 at 11:03 pm

How 'bout sending a couple of "wrinkled" Franklins my way, Jon; while you're at it?

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