endangered species

Jon Huntsman Donating To Himself For a Few Days

GOP primary voters don't like complicated math.

Republican fringe-moderate candidate Jon Huntsman sent out an e-mail to supporters the other day announcing that he would match any donations received until midnight on January 4, that being the first day of the rest our lives following tonight’s roll in the Iowa hay. While perfectly legal — there’s no limit to the amount of capital gains a bajillionaire can sink into his or her (her!!) political campaign — it doesn’t feel or sound or smell legal. “I am adding a wrinkle,” Huntsman wrote. A wrinkle?

The “wrinkle” is that the money would specifically go to the cost of airing a TV ad in New Hampshire. (The TV ad actually already exists in cheapo web form.) Huntsman also noted a surge in campaign contributions in the week or so around New Year’s, so as the Chicago Sun-Times politely observed, this is just (“just”) a way for Huntsman to “leverage his cash.” In other words, it’s less crass than having to admit in a few days or weeks that he had to funnel in a few million (more) to his campaign, just because.

Stiiiiill, this comes off as sounding a lot like those endangered species e-mail blasts that environmental groups send around: board member so-and-so will match your donation if you would just toss a few coins into the breeding campaign of the greater sage-grouse! The problem is, cerebral, anti-theatrical nice guy Huntsman is not nearly as cute as the least cute animal on the planet. Endangered? Yes. But look at what’s happened to the wild speckled Santorum in the past 72 hours. [Chicago Sun Times]

About the author

Liz is a writer. She has written for this site, evidently, and also The Awl, The San Francisco Chronicle, NPR, The Economist and others. She is the author of a short story collection, Cover Story.

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  • nounverb911

    Are his fathers Iranian connections helping too?

    • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

      President Bachmann will wipe Iran off the map. The sterile land will be called Bachmannia in honor of her. We'll have no pistachio nuts, but we'll still have her.

      • Tundra Grifter

        JP:

        Probably no saffron, either.

    • GOPCrusher

      Only with voters that identify themselves as Reagan Republiklans.

  • Barb

    He still hasn't decided if he is going to vote for himself though.

    • Terry

      Worse yet, his daughters just joined the Ron Paul campaign.

  • memzilla

    …[Huntsman] would match any donations received until midnight on January 4,"

    If I send him a bill, will he subtract that same amount of money from his campaign?

    • DustBowlBlues

      This is such a common gimmick, the "matching funds." The DLCC, DNC, the DSCC and–wait–not the ODP. Oklahoma's party has no rich people.

      Anyway, sending them a bill so they subtract this much made me laugh. Thanks.

  • SorosBot

    Who?

  • Radiotherapy

    It's almost as good a business model as Trump, et. al.'s bankrupt 'em and buy 'em back at pennies on the dollar.

    • NorthStarSpanx

      OMG, Sarah Palin called it:

      Um, I think Huntsman should drop out because he didn’t even give it the old college try in Iowa, and I think that’s offensive to the entire GOP, and to the entire uh field in America where you know the the kind of the heart and soul of America there being represented in Iowa, and Huntsman doesn’t even want to give it the effort that I think most of us would have liked to have seen. So, I think Huntsman who, what, I think he’s pollin’ only 1, or 2, or 3, or whatever the single digits are today, perhaps he’ll be dropping out unless he wants to spend his own money and perhaps even go into debt to run for President. Yeah, Eric, I do think that we’ll see, perhaps, Huntsman uh, drop out.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Of all the candidates, Huntsman would be the one who would leading and give Barry the hardest time in an election if not for his:
    1) Intelligence
    2) Talking the Ching Chong (aka Mandarin.)
    3) Being not a REAL Xtian
    4) Sanity
    5) being US America Ambassador to China thanks to the Kenyan

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    See, what Huntman OUGHT to try is to donate to the people he's asking to donate to him. Then you'd have something!

  • http://www.counterpunch.org 4TheTurnstiles

    I'm more interested in the creases and wrinkles in the magical underpants of the Huntsman daughters.

    • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

      "Again I say to you, it is easier for a camel toe go through the eye of a horny man, than for a rich Mormon to enter the White House."

    • MrFizzy

      You'll need to bring your own humidifier.

  • El Pinche v2

    Huntsman is the Ron Paul of the GOP primary 2012.

  • CapnFatback

    Funny, Huntsman doesn't look like a Nigerian prince.

    Welcome, fresh meat er, Liz!

    • lizcolville

      Thank you. That was the nickname given to me by my college cross-country team, so I'm thrilled.

      • CapnFatback

        Your cross-country team called you "Nigerian Prince"?

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    Sounds like he feels a bit like I did on NYE: certain that it's time to leave the party well before it even got started.

    • FlyOverGirl

      2012 GOP Primary = “And there ain't no party like a Liz Lemon party 'cause a Liz Lemon party is mandatory!”

  • Lucidamente1

    Can I get a tote bag, to carry all the Santorum?

    • johnnymeatworth

      I'll take my Santorum in a handy mug after wiping it up with this handsome sweatshirt.

  • memzilla

    Huntsman also noted a surge in campaign contributions…

    Sorry, Jon, there's only one candidate that have the "S word" used about his campaign.

  • BlueStateLibel

    Do I at least get a lousy tote bag or umbrella, or Ken Burns entire Civil War series for just $495?

    Also: there's nothing that stirs the soul like zillionaires begging for money.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I donated to my inebriation campaign over the last couple of weeks; I just hope they don't conduct a drug screening here at work for another week or two…

    • Tundra Grifter

      BTF:

      Drug test? True/false or multiple test?

      I've been cramming for mine.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Is this a new joke about Santoruming lubing the campaign chutes?

  • http://thethingsrepublicanshate.com/ Chillwaver

    Huntsman/Huntsman 2016!

  • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

    LIZ COLVILLE! Welcome to the wonkette's world wide web of snark and satirical and sartorial … um, what was I saying? Oh yeah, pay no attention to Chuck Norris — a million too many hits to the head, if you know what I mean.

    • Blueb4sunrise

      Don't know L.C., but a website has a photo of someone grinding their groin against a doorway, so that's good.
      http://www.elizabethcolville.com/

      • Tundra Grifter

        Gives new meaning to "climbing the walls…"

    • HereKitty

      Worlds collide, YAAAAY! Welcome, Liz.

  • http://drpaul2012.wordpress.com Donner, Party of 1

    Someone needs to do a sad-faced Huntsman mash-up with Sarah McLachlan singing Angel.

    • snackypants

      Spit coffee out of my nose at this comment!

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    He just doesn't understand crazy…just doesn't get it.

  • Come here a minute

    What does Jon Huntsman have against the lesser sage-grouse?

    • user-of-owls

      I personally hate sage grouses of all sorts. Too many feathers, not enough meat. Always clogging up the ol' cloaca, if you know what I mean.

  • Dashboard Buddha

    So, this is a kind of donation auto-eroticism? He'll stimulate himself by giving to himself. Sounds kinky. How long will it be before we find a dead body tangled in a masturbation harness in the closet?

  • SorosBot

    Now I donate to myself fairly often, but don't normally talk about it in public like Huntsman here; and I thought the Mormon church was against donating to yourself (even though everyone does it).

    • Dashboard Buddha

      I understand that instead of making your palms hairy, it makes them green. Also, you can go power-mad.

  • MrFizzy

    Cuntsman's soon going to be adding the wrinkle of shutting down his campaign permanently. I think I may send him some money while there's still time.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    I have no ca$h to donate, Jon, but I've plenty of wrinkles to happily part with now that you've mentioned it.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Okay. Fine, you worthless fucks….. here's the interview of the people pictured in the previous thread.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BaxECcTjCuw

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Dude on the back of the ATV (?) obviously knows what's going to happen next with this video. Plus, Joe Walsh (the guitarist not the obnoxious congressman) behind the wheel there really needs to upgrade.

  • Mahousu

    “I am adding a wrinkle,” Huntsman wrote.
    Listening to the other Republican candidates will do that to you.

  • mavenmaven

    I'm donating a kidney.

    • user-of-owls

      Better yet, donate a liver. See how long the bastard lasts when his humors get out of whack.

    • An_Outhouse

      I sent some semen.

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    "Leverage his cash" is another way to say "have someone masturbate him through his magic underwear".

  • http://www.wonkette.com TanzbodenKoenig

    Give it up, Huntsman.

    It's the Santorum Surge 2012 – Time To Change The Sheets!

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    They still won't ask him any questions during the debates.

  • Callyson

    I read that as "Jon Huntsman Donating Himself For a Few Days," and thought of how much Rick Perry and Marcus Bachmann will appreciate Jon's services…

  • user-of-owls

    Huntsman also noted a surge in campaign contributions in the week or so around New Year’s

    So his 'wrinkle' is that he'll be relying on the new Drunk Dialers Superpac?

    • snackypants

      I first read this as "Drunk Diapers Superpac" which somehow works given the times we live in.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    Republican fringe-moderate candidate

    Liz Colville, you know how to make an entrance.

  • An_Outhouse

    I'll rub out a 'donation' for Huntsman when I get home. He can match it or not. I don't want to know.

    • DaRooster

      That should take out all of the wrinkles…

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    He's got some santorum on his jpeg, there.

  • DahBoner

    If he tosses in that brain video by Dr. Amen, then I'm in…

  • Buzz Feedback

    "Speckled Santorum" could be a sign of infection.

  • gullywompr

    I have in my possession one rat's ass, but I am unable to donate it.

  • DaRooster

    Huntsman… the Mormon Pawlenty.

  • Nostrildamus

    Browsing Wonkette for first time in weeks, perusing low-comment threads, I find this one – small, sad, no one paying attention – just like Huntsman's campaign.

  • ttommyunger

    How 'bout sending a couple of "wrinkled" Franklins my way, Jon; while you're at it?