just shut up forever

Rick Santorum Dials Up Racism In Final Push For Iowa’s Bigot Vote

He will be reborn as an enslaved circus bear in New Delhi in his next life.

Iowa GOP caucus-goers may already know tragic loser Rick Santorum as a viciously anti-gay, anti-lady-rights sad sack of defective dildos, but do they know where he stands on that third portion that makes up the all-important trifecta of Republican qualifications for presidential nominee, racism? Do not WORRY, bitter white idiots (but still FEAR, always fear), our frothy fiend has sensed your concern and has this to say about welfare in response: “I don’t want to make black people’s lives better by giving them other people’s money.” Good to know! More money for all the poor white people who make up the majority of welfare recipients then, we guess?

Come on, it’s just concern on Rick Santorum’s part after all — he just wants black people to be able to go to their designated black people jobs, in factories.

From RawStory:

After suggesting that an expansion of Medicare is really just a plot to make voters more “dependent” on Washington, Santorum added: ”I don’t want to make black people’s lives better by giving them other people’s money.”

“I want to give them the opportunity to go out and earn their money and provide for themselves and their families,” he added. “The best way to do that is to get the manufacturing sector of the economy rolling.”

Wow.

Anyway, ON THE LIGHTER SIDE, the manager at one branch of a Christian conservative-owned pizza chain in Iowa has now dubiously titled one of its menu items “Santorum salad” under the hilarious premise that this would make a human more inclined to eat such a thing (seriously, does Iowa not have Google?), which is somehow made even more awful/tragic/creepy because one of the pizza chain’s evangelical nutjob founders spent time in prison for molesting his teenaged male employees, for Family Values. [RawStory/ TPM]

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  • CapnFatback

    Yummy! Santorum word salad!

    • Beowoof

      The words yummy and Santourm never belong in the same sentence.

    • Negropolis

      If only.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      I knew there was a reason I never eat balsamic vinaigrette.

  • nounverb911

    "he just wants black people to be able to go to their designated black people jobs, in factories."
    Santorum wants to relocate all the blacks to China?

    • Sue4466

      China or Kenya.

    • SayItWithWookies

      If Santorum is elected president, he'll have it introduced in Congress as the Send Them Back Where They Came From Act of 2012.

    • rhubarbpie2

      Just like Lincoln, who wanted to export all former slaves to other lands. See how consistent the Republicans are!

  • Barb

    Santorum salad isn't so bad if you don't mind the ice cold diarrhea it will give you.

    • Rotundo_

      Golly, that sounds almost, but not quite as unpleasant as spending time with Rick. Ice cold diarrhea would at least end at some point, where the experience of spending time with Rick would probably linger for considerably longer, even with counseling and medications.

    • Mojopo

      Oh Barb. Three words that made me laff-weep.

  • bumfug

    Rick explained, "Well sure – once the manufacturing sector is rolling, black folk can work cleaning the homes of the white people who finally got their jobs back!"

    • RavenRant

      Damn, you're good. Nice summary.

      And the black children can scrub out the white kids' toilets at school vocational training.

      Racial Transcendence FTW!

    • Nostrildamus

      It's Santorum trickle-down.

  • nounverb911

    I see from the photo that Rick's daughter still has her stuffed Gabriel doll.

    • tessiee

      *ominous music*
      That's not a doll.

      • Nothingisamiss

        +++++++++++

  • Harry_S_Truman

    Only black people are poor, eh, Ricky?

    • Guppy

      Nah, it's just that poor blacks are less likely to be distracted by God, guns and gays than their white counterparts.

    • Slim_Pickins

      Only poor blacks are undeserving, the white poors are called the "Republican Base," that is the people that you can fool all the time.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

      Iowa's 91% white, say the media, as if that explains everything.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        Yes, the negroes will never hear about it!

        Gawd, I'm so sick of Iowa, and having to pay attention to their well-fed fundie asses every 4 years, like bobsledding or rhythmic gymnastics.

  • valgal2342

    It's not the salad that gets you, it's the creamy dressing.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

      Blargh, I say, BLARGH, I R DED.

    • Bonzos_Bed_Time

      Ohhh, are those raisins or currants?

      • Dogless_Heathen

        Crunchy Iowa corn bits.

        • http://www.wonkette.com smokefillednewyear

          Side of 'molesties'.

  • CapnFatback

    LET'S PLAY UNDERLINE THE HIDDEN POLITICAL MESSAGE:

    ”I don’t want to make black people’s lives better by giving them other people’s money.”

    Ooooh, an easy one.

    • Fukui_SanYesOta

      Lee Atwater is taking a break from burning in hell to crash his yoghurt truck over the direction the Republican party is taking.

    • CapnFatback

      Much easier than Michele Bachmann’s, anyway: “I have had many celebrities on my campaign bus, the Dream Arc US, like Spuds McKenzie.”

    • Sparky_McGruff

      Even shorter:

      ”I don’t want to make black people’s lives better by giving them other people’s money.”

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

        Yeah, that sounds more like it.

        • OneDollarJuana

          Even shorter, considering that most of the right-wing protestations are filmy covers for their true desires:

          "I don’t want to make black people’s lives better by giving them other people’s money.”

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

            So you think the root of all this Republican hysteria is, they're all lusting for Barack's foot-long Taste o'Heaven?

            I could buy that.

          • tessiee

            Like Kourtney, they're cravin' that muslin zucchini.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

            It's starting to show, innit? I wish they'd just do like McCain, remember at the debates when he just cold reached for Barry's buns and stuck his tongue out?

          • Fare la Volpe

            It also explains their rabid fury over Michelle Obama. Bitches be scared they got a mad case of the jungle fever.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

            Hey, foxy one! (Hugs Fare) Happy New Year! Hope you had a good time and the new year is even better.

            Tru dat. Damn Jim Sensenbrenner shoulda done the same thing as McCain. Just GRAB that ass, you cunts, you know you want to!

    • RavenRant

      No problem, though, with making reckless, incompetent white bankers' lives better with other people's money.

      And let's not get started on the white war profiteers that suck down taxpayer dollars while actively harming our troops. Or, as Santorum would call them, "job creators". (Undertakers need jobs, too.)

  • arihaya

    from The New Yorker, result from Iowa that journalists are rooting for:

    "Rick Santorum wins Iowa and much of the English-speaking world Googles his name"

    • Callyson

      Tonight, we are all journalists…

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

      Who's betting that Dan Savage wins new fame and fortune shortly?

  • Limeylizzie

    The salad is not bad but for God's sake hold the dressing.

    • Barrelhse

      Yeah, it's served in a tied-off condom.

    • flamingpdog

      Hold the undressing, too.

      • Limeylizzie

        Natch

    • Negropolis

      Oh, Lizzie. This deserves so much more p-ness.

      • Limeylizzie

        That's what Rick said, as well.

    • Tundra Grifter

      We keep our refrigerator door shut at all times because the mayonnaise is dressing.

    • Pat_Pending

      Salad cream?

  • ProgressiveInga

    It costs just a little extra to have your Santorum Salad tossed.

    • bumfug

      "That's the frothiest oil and vinegar I've ever seen!"

    • HempDogbane

      I have an occasional lunch meeting at Pizza Ranch, and a few weeks ago the buffet had an outstanding mixed greens salad – goat cheese, pecans, it was awesome. And it was beautifully tossed by the dedicated kitchen staff. Nevertheless, I think I'll just call in to meetings from now on.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

        Be sure to tell 'em to Google Santorum, and that that's why you won't eat there.

        Ew!

    • Steverino247

      Twenty bucks, same as downtown.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

      I just want you to know that four little kittehs now hate you with a bitter, burning hate. I splorted them all out of bed, choked on the tea, and coughed so hard they thought (hoped?) I was dying.

      • ProgressiveInga

        Lo siento mucho.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

          Oh, it's not like they didn't *need* the exercise. They're all starting to look like sides of beef, or sides of beeves, or whatever the correct plural form is. Slabcats. They've been sleeping all damn day.

          • tessiee

            My cats used to do that thing where they sit with all four paws and tail tucked in so that you couldn't see them at all. We used to call that "Catloaf".

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

            I call mine that too. I'm so glad they don't have a clue what I'm saying, or I'd be on the hook for therapy bills for another decade or till whenever they went tits up.

          • HogeyeGrex
  • BarackMyWorld

    As president, will his agricultural policies help the cotton industry so there will be more jobs for pickers?

  • arihaya

    also lately I encounter what could be called the dirtiest (and most unhygienic) words in US politics: Santorum surge

    • dizzeeboy

      My favorite is from a Philly Inquirer blog:

      "Santorum Surges from Behind in Iowa"

    • bumfug

      I predicted the use of the phrase "Santrum surging" by our media a few weeks ago in a joke but it's getting completely out of hand – I've seen "Newt Smears Santorum", "Perry Blasts Santorum" (apparently after a burrito feast / gay orgy} and I'm fully expecting "Santorum Causes Paul To Slip" by morning.

      • http://www.stumbleupon.com/stumbler/cheaphits/reviews cheaphits

        I'm still hoping for Newt and Mitt lick Santorum.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      "Unprecedented Fluidity"

    • Negropolis

      It shows that our criminally incompetent and bought-and-paid-for media at least still has a sense of humor, at times. That's about all that can be said for them, though. "Santorum surge" has become the standard when discussing his rise.

      Now, admittedly, some of them may only be using the phrase because of its alliterative nature,. But, most of them are aware of the internet usage of the term.

  • arihaya

    what was the pizza chain's name ?

    Papa Jerry Sandusky's Pizza?

    • Fukui_SanYesOta

      Pizza Prance

    • flamingpdog

      BlowJoes Pizza, a square state favorite.

    • Negropolis

      Pedobear's Pizza Palace?

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    You don't want to know what the "secret" cream dipping sauce is…

    • OneDollarJuana

      "You want that pizza with stuffed crust?"

      "Yeah, and extra meat, too."

  • finallyhappy

    This guy is such a pustule and for that matter so is anyone who votes for him. Hey, Iowa- no one cares!

    • Biff

      Yeah, srsly. Not like they've done a decent job at picking winners or anything.

      • Terry

        Santorum winning the Iowa primary would make Romney's head explode, or at least mess up his hair. The Paultards would go apoplectic, too. A Santorum victory would be worth it for the sheer entertainment value of it.

  • C_R_Eature

    Well, someone's got to post a link to Santorum to keep the Google rankings up. Might as well be me.

    I don't know about anyone else, but all this Santorum's making me nauseous and that salad's going to put me off food for a year. Especially if there's anything Frothy in it.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

      Speaking of which, don't forget to do frothy. Click early and often.

    • flamingpdog

      Multiple upsquirts to you, sir or madam!

      • C_R_Eature

        Danke. Now, I'm going to go find a Bucket.

    • antifauxnews

      seriously, why do they keep having to say that Santorum is surging, of all the things they could say?

      • C_R_Eature

        Because, uhmm, they're all bored smartasses that can't wait to slip rude things into print, past their dour copy editors? Just a guess.

  • Rotundo_

    Just when I thought that Ricky couldn't sink much further, he does it again. This may play well with the base, but if, by some miraculous twist of fate, he does manage to overcome the mountain of money Mittens has and overturn the will of the money people of the GOP and win the nomination, this one will probably be the second thing people think about when they hear the name Santorum. Anal sex residue and racism are not presidential things Rick. GIVE UP YOU IDIOT!

    • littlebigdaddy

      No, but those are exactly the two things the Republican base thinks about!

  • Local_Mojo

    Does this call for a Yelp bombing?

    • EatFrankRich

      done, but I'm sure your rave reviews would help.

  • http://drpaul2012.wordpress.com Donner, Party of 1

    The rectum is just a hot pocket, when ya think about it.

    • http://www.wonkette.com Salacious Crumb

      One of natures pockets.

  • gullywompr

    What? You don't want Santorum to help black people by not giving them money?

    Then you're a racist.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

      I just had that exact argument lobbed at me by some Paultrad on Raw Story.

      • not that Dewey

        He then proceeded to explain that water is supposed to be green and catch fire spontaneously.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

          He said a bunch of stuff about how progressives want soshulism because they don't respect black people and are the reel racists and even Ebony magazine said so because 33.7% of welfare benefits go to nea … blacks even though 66% of the population is Hispanic.

          This was in response to a question asking what, exactly, Rick Santorum had proposed by way of economic/fiscal solutions for our current problems and the lack of jerbs.

          • not that Dewey

            I don't suppose the Paultards could spend any of that energy on an examination of their own attitudes.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

            I'm beginning to wonder if a majority of them are high-functioning Aspies, because they have obvious cognitive deficits and seem to become very easily overwhelmed by the prospect of holding multiple threads of thought in their impenetrable skulls.

          • Geminisunmars

            This gives me an idea of how we can fight back against the Paultards: Just threaten to hug them, especially as they approach the voting booth. Aspies dislike being touched (gross generalization, I'm sure, but largely true) and if you are in physical proximity when arguing with them, be sure to reach out to touch them "reassuringly".

          • gullywompr

            Sounds like he neglected to recite the mantra "librulz love the poor, that's why they keep making more of them". It's the requisite capstone to any discussion of social programs. Deduct 5 points from his score.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

            Oh, that was right in there with the "you're the reel rasits becuase you want to keep black people poor and on welfare LIBRTa~DS!"

    • tessiee

      Not at all; I help black people all the time by not giving them money.
      Of course, I help everybody else by not giving *them* money, either (mainly because I don't have any money), so there's that.

      • user-of-owls

        Please tessiee, don't help me. Please??

      • Geminisunmars

        Damn, I'ma gonna have to stop not helping people and withhold any future donations.

  • Slim_Pickins

    Wouldn't it be more appropriate to describe the 'Undecided" Iowa caucusers as the "hold your nose" faction?

    • Harry_S_Truman

      Yeah, that Santorum stinks on ice.

      • Slim_Pickins

        Santorum may be the only substance to stink at absolute zero!

        • OneDollarJuana

          Santorum still jiggles at 0 deg. K because of Brownian Motion.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

            Very Brownian motion.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    I don’t want to make black people’s lives better by giving them other people’s money.

    He's so honest and unafraid to tell it like it is. Forget Ron Paul. Santorum in 2012!

  • Harry_S_Truman

    Well, toss my motherfuckin' salad.

    • flamingpdog

      With 91 percent honkies in Iowa, there's not much chance there'll be folks asking where their motherfuckin' salad is.

  • Fukui_SanYesOta

    Surely "The Santorum" should be a variety of sticky fudge dessert served with whipped cream?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

      It is.

      Oh … you meant … right.

    • user-of-owls

      I'm not gonna try it—you try it!. Let's get Ota. He won't like it, he hates everything.

      [slides bowl of Santorum to Ota]

      He likes it! Hey Ota!

    • littlebigdaddy

      Hey, you must have a restaurant or something…why don't you introduce it! (Yes, hate me).

    • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

      I'm thinking Chocolate-chip egg drop soup.

  • Beetagger

    God's swill.

    • BTWBFDIMHO

      Brillant.

  • Callyson

    “I want to give them the opportunity to go out and earn their money and provide for themselves and their families,” he added. “The best way to do that is to get the manufacturing sector of the economy rolling.”
    To return to the reality – based community: back in 2005, Santorum voted no on repealing tax subsidy for companies which move US jobs offshore. Yeah, that'll get manufacturing rolling again…just not in the US…
    Prick.

  • AlterNewt

    I don't don't want to parse this too much, or ascribe motivations to him that I can't back up with facts; but I'd say that he is not going after the Black Vote.

    • FlyOverGirl

      But will the Black Vote be going after him?

      • AlterNewt

        I don't (just one this time) believe that I will attempt to speak for the Black Vote either.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

        I hope Black Voters with torches and pitchforks will.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      Don't rule out the Crazy Black Vote.

      • Fukui_SanYesOta

        HERMAN CAIN LABEL errr LIBEL

      • Fare la Volpe

        That's not a nice thing to say about Uncle Clarence.

  • C_R_Eature

    Rick Santorum ( rik san – TOR – um) n.
    1. The frothy mixture of Racism, Ideology and Evangelical Christianity
    that was the byproduct of heterosexual sex 53 years ago.

    • MosesInvests

      Uhhhh-that would be *Catholic* Christianity, in Ricky's case.

      • C_R_Eature

        Well, shoot – Research Failure! I am humbled, but Thank you!

        Dammed IntenseDebate won't let me edit the post, but I posted a correction.

        Embarrassedly Yours, C.R.

    • C_R_Eature

      Rick Santorum ( rik san – TOR – um) n.
      1. The frothy mixture of Racism, Ideology and Evangelical Christianity Roman Catholicism that was the byproduct of heterosexual sex 53 years ago.

      Fixed. w/a big thank you to "MosesInvests"

  • FlyOverGirl

    I am just almost at a loss for words.

    Santorum surge.
    Santorum salad
    Santorum salad made from chicken (shocking, I know)

    It just doesn't get any better than this.

    • Guppy

      Keep fuckin' that chicken!

      • KeepFnThatChicken

        Ew. Take that back.

    • Barrelhse

      Choked Chicken, or Jerked?

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

        You *didn't!*

    • BarackMyWorld

      Chicken…as in hens or cocks?

  • OneYieldRegular

    In much of Europe, Rick Santorum would be in jail by now for spewing such vile racism. And if Bertrand Russell were alive today to re-write his essay, "Why I Am Not a Christian, " he might just as well begin and it with the words: "Rick Santorum."

    • littlebigdaddy

      Bertram Russell was a crazy mf, but BR ref FTW.

  • Arken

    I don't mean to question his frothiness, but unless he means Medicaid, not Medicare, it's not other people's money, it's the money they paid into the system in the first place.

    But then he wouldn't be able to complain about the uppity negroes I guess.

    • Redhead

      Have facts had any part in the Republican debates/race yet?

      • littlebigdaddy

        Hitler?

    • An_Outhouse

      Besides Medicare is for the oldz not the blax.

  • http://www.wonkette.com John Birf Society

    Marcus Bachman took a break from the campaign trail to order a footlong hotdog, a super-sized Santorum Salad (double tossed), and a Tab.

    • FlyOverGirl

      Oooo, where has Marcus been? Michele's really kept him in the closet of late.

    • Rotundo_

      Methinks that as old as Marcus appears, he would have graduated to the two foot long, three inch diameter beef sticks they sell in WalMart, but perhaps he went for the footlong out of nostalgia purposes. I am sure however that he would request that the staff toss the hell out of his salad though. And Tab? Hunter perhaps?

    • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

      Sounds fabulous!

    • Bonzos_Bed_Time

      Buying new seat covers for his Miata.

    • littlebigdaddy

      And srsly Tab! Only gay men and fading beauty pageant queens know where to get that shit! And which one is Marcus?

  • Dudleydidwrong

    Ricky sounds desperate. I think that Ricky was born desperate. Calm down, little Ricky. Go to that Boone Pizza Palace and eat up a big dish of santorum-covered chickenshit salad. It'll calm your nerves for the flight back to Philly and history's dustbin.

    Each one of these pseudo-candidates tries to outdo the others in sinking to the bottom of the septic system. Ricky has made it, that's for sure.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      No fair insulting Philadelphia by implying that's where he's from. Little Rickie's a product of the hills of Western Pennsylvania and his strongest support was always in the middle of the state, often referred to as Pennsyltucky. Since 2001 he has lived in Leesburg, Virginia, another place his sentiments might be embraced.

  • angerbear

    Shorter Santorum: "Them darkies is shiftless, amirite?!?"

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

      'Cept he ain't so polite as to think "darkies."

  • Mort_Sinclair

    Pretty clear from that Raw Story excerpt that one of two things is true: The folks at Raw Story don't know the difference between Medicare and Medicaid and cited the wrong program or Santorum doesn't know the difference between Medicare and Medicaid. Candidly, that one's a toss-up.

  • Mort_Sinclair

    Oh, and every time I see that pic of that Santorum spawn pouting at that press conference, I get happy.

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

    It's mostly about Newt, but Rick's in there at the end. So to speak.

    youtube.com/watch?v=AQSsMR

  • Radiotherapy

    Now I know why Tommie Smith and John Carlos wore gloves. Because that loosey-goosey sphincter of Santorum needs an ass-pounding. (One of my favorite athletic endeavors of all time, BTW. The infernally corrupt IOC, Romney anyone?, banned them from further competition, yet had no problem with you know who's '36 salute)

  • chascates

    Speaking of that bizarre crazyfest in the midwest:
    NBC News has responded to criticisms that correspondent Andrea Mitchell stereotyped the state of Iowa as "too white, too evangelical, too rural" to represent the U.S. electorate Monday, telling The Atlantic Wire she was merely citing critics who feel that way. Mitchell's quote in question came during a segment on Sunday's Nightly News with Brian Williams. While interviewing Republican strategist Mike Murphy who said winning in Iowa is "by no means … the ticket to victory," Mitchell adds "The rap on Iowa: it doesn't represent the rest of the country — too white, too evangelical, too rural."
    FoxNews, TheBlaze, and other regular suspects are calling for her head. I'd settle for the head of her husband.

    • C_R_Eature

      Well now, all that just reminds me of This Guy.

    • Barrelhse

      Fuckers are desperate for some head, eh?

    • tessiee

      "criticisms that correspondent Andrea Mitchell stereotyped the state of Iowa as "too white, too evangelical, too rural" to represent the U.S. electorate Monday, telling The Atlantic Wire she was merely citing critics who feel that way."

      So, if I'm to understand this…
      NBC News has their panties in a bunch because Andrea Mitchell either a) suggested that Real America wasn't made up of white, rural, evangelical Christians (like it's fucking 1850 or something), or b) interviewed somebody (a Republican, yet!) who suggested that Real America wasn't made up of white, rural, evangelical Christians.

      Well, *brushes palms together to indicate fait accompli* that sure sounds like Thoughtcrime to *me*. Time to get the rat cages, I suppose.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      A journalist should be fired for presenting accurate, factual information? How post-millennial.

      • NorthStarSpanx

        It's as apt a summation of the Iowa Caucus as Peggy Noonan and Mike Murphy's hot mike oops re: McCain's selection of Palin as a running mate.

        CT: Yeah, I mean is she really the most qualified woman they could have turned to?

        PN: The most qualified? No! I think they went for this — excuse me– political bullshit about narratives —

        CT: Yeah they went to a narrative.

        MM: I totally agree.

        PN: Every time the Republicans do that, because that's not where they live and it's not what they're good at, they blow it.

        MM: You know what's really the worst thing about it? The greatness of McCain is no cynicism, and this is cynical.

        CT: This is cynical, and as you called it, gimmicky.

        MM: Yeah.

  • Barrelhse

    The Wife has the determined stare of a mother who is about to buckle-up the kids and drive off a boat ramp.

    • OneDollarJuana
      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

        Isn't that de rigeur, in these cases?

    • littlebigdaddy

      Ya can't blame her. She hasn't had one since 9 months before the last ugly kid.

  • proudgrampa

    Oh, the stupid just continues, eh?

    We are so going to get the government we deserve this year…

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

      PLEEZ don't say that, grampa, PLEEZ! Pleez,just once, let us get something BETTER than we deserve.

      • proudgrampa

        I'm sorry, luv. I'm really, really trying to be more optimistic this year but it's proving a LOT more difficult than I thought (I know, I know — it's only January 2!).

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

          Well, I'll give you a New Year's hug anyway, and hope for the best. If humanity got what it deserved we'd be wiped out tomorrow. (sniff!)

          Hey, maybe that's not such a bad idea after all …

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Actually I think that kid's doll in the picture is a dead fetus from the Santorum's failed pregnancies. It could happen.
    http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A61

    Creepy no?

    • Katydid

      Wow, creepy it is. Those poor Santorum kids. Poor us.

      I liked what Bob Kerrey said: "Is Santorum Latin for anus?" That's good too.

      • NorthStarSpanx

        Prize sentence: "The same has been said of Santorum. In so many words, or facial gestures."

  • tessiee

    "the manager at one branch of a Christian conservative-owned pizza chain in Iowa has now dubiously titled one of its menu items “Santorum salad”"

    Does it come with that cake that looks like a litter box? Because that would be kinda awesome.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

      You hung out on alt-dot-tasteless, din'tchu?

    • Barrelhse

      I was picturing that chocolate pudding/cake thing that bakes in the same pan; warm, with whipped topping.

  • tessiee

    Not to take anything away from Dan Savage, but Li'l Ricky would be a laughing stock even if Dan had never heard of him.

    • Barrelhse

      I bet the little bitch has never even jerked off.

    • RavenRant

      Tessie, starting strong in the New Year, I see.

      Ricky has the unique ability to inspire revulsion even in the fringe dwellers who agree with his medieval 'positions'. (There is a 'Santorum/Positions' joke to be made here, but I'm too depressed to work it out.)

  • Redhead

    "do they know where he stands on that third portion that makes up the all-important trifecta of Republican qualifications for presidential nominee, racism?"

    It IS rather hard for today's repugnicant to stand out among the every-day usual racism and really get the voters' attention.

  • tessiee

    “I want to give them the opportunity to go out and earn their money and provide for themselves and their families,” he added. “The best way to do that is to get the manufacturing sector of the economy rolling.”

    Setting aside the obvious considerations that nobody 1) takes Santorum seriously or 2) cares what the thinks, I think it would be just peachy keen if somebody called his bluff and said, "I agree that we should get the manufacturing sector of the economy rolling, so that people who are out of work now can provide for themselves and their families. What exactly are you going to do in order to accomplish this?"

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

      I've just been stirring up shit on the InterNutz by asking all the Santorum-followers exactly that. Oooh, girl, you never saw so much mad all in one place.

      • Geminisunmars

        Were they frothing mad?

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Yes, it seems to be far beyond the powers of most journalists to pose questions like that. Far easier to present Rick with another platform on which he can lecture us about our failure to live up to his moral standards.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Close OSHA and the EPA, natch.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      bring back slavery, duh.

  • PuckStopsHere

    Totes OT but important to note nonetheless: Pedobear is a big time Penn St fan! (w pics!!!) http://deadspin.com/5872516/pedobear-showed-up-at

    • Radiotherapy

      Extem, I didn't know you admired the ground acquisition game.

    • littlebigdaddy

      I hear he also likes the Cuse.

  • horsedreamer_1

    & with ethanol welfare subsidies gone away, there will be plenty of corn for the Santorum Salad.

    • littlebigdaddy

      Santorum creamed corn! The local specialty in Bumfuck, IA!

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        Alright, now I'm seriously gonna puke.

  • user-of-owls

    Hey Wonkett, seems everything is funny to you.

    • anniegetyerfun

      I kind of miss Cindy, now that you mention it.

      • user-of-owls

        When your pining gets too great to bear, just look at Gingrich's toy doll. A cheap imitator, I'll grant you, but it'll fill your trepanned "blond that does not occur in nature" political accessory fix.

    • Barrelhse

      Speaking of which, it has been a while since the last "Dear Shit-for-Brains" fan mail column here.

      • Biff

        True. I get some of my favorite temporary screen names from that.

  • C_R_Eature

    I looked up the image (I just had to) and it looks like Potato Salad but, urgh… it …looks…FROTHY!

  • anniegetyerfun

    So, I didn't think that you guys (via Dan Savage) could pull it off, but I now actually giggle out loud when I hear "Santorum" on the radio. The word, its meaning has changed.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      I saw a headline the other day: Romney smears Santorum, and I could almost hear the journalistic interns giggling furiously in the background.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    Do not WORRY, bitter white idiots (but still FEAR, always fear)

    Listening to NPR this afternoon. The subject was the way religion (evangelicals) affected the Iowa caucuses. They usual blah-blah but when the host asked NPR religion editor Barbara Bradley Hagerty why the evangelicals were so opposed to Obama she tied herself in knots trying not to say the obvious: He is black, they are racists.

    If circumlocutions were currency she could buy an island and retire after that performance.

    • littlebigdaddy

      As Umberto Eco once said: never trust women who use two last names. Also, never listen to NPR. It is just barely not stupid enough that you don't turn it off. That is its only virtue.

  • littlebigdaddy

    I haven't heard about those welfare queens in their Cadillacs (do they still make them I wonder?) for so long, I have a huge santorum boner for that shit.

    • Negropolis

      You mean the Welfare Queen Supreme model of Cadillacs? No, those were discontinued in the 90's during Republican Congress' "welfare reform." Welfare Queens are now relegated to the cheaper "Prince Consort" and "Lady-in-Waiting" Cadillac models.

      • littlebigdaddy

        But they still get to keep the hair dos?

        • Negropolis

          But, of course! If nothing else, they will have their hair and nails did, as they say.

  • littlebigdaddy

    Re alt text. Wouldn't the Black Hole of Calcutta be more santorum-appropriate?

  • DaRooster

    So Herman Cain is behind Santorum?

  • user-of-owls

    Maybe in Rick's case, we could reverse things and have it be dog-on-man. Anyone know what they did with Vick's pit bulls?

    • http://drpaul2012.wordpress.com Donner, Party of 1

      They're in doggy Heaven now.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

      They were taken in by rescue organizations which managed to rehab many of them and find them new forever homes. To my great surprise, despite their ill-treatment, they don't seem to hate people.

    • flamingpdog

      I think they were Vicks Vaporized.

  • obfuscator2

    “i don’t want to make black people’s lives better by giving them other people’s money.”

    that reminded me of him and lady crazy eyes signing that family values pro-slavery pledge a while back. i guess he's got no problem with making white people's lives better by giving them black people.

    • littlebigdaddy

      You know, it's just me, but I read that as "make black people's livers better" and I thought why the fuck not!

  • user-of-owls

    Looks like The Legendary K.O. is gonna have a sequel!

  • scarface99

    ‘dependent on washington’ yeah right asshole who collected a senator’s salary for 6 years or whatever it was jackass!

  • scarface99

    'dependent on washington' yeah right asshole collecting senator's salary etc etc.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Seriously, I'm re-registering as a Republican ASAP so I can vote for Ron Paul in the primaries. Operation Chaos 2012!!!

    • littlebigdaddy

      Oh yeah, it is on!

  • flamingpdog

    Marginally on-topic, but good for a quick head slap.

    After this campaign is over, nobody is going to name their newborns Rick for the next 20 years.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      You would think Nixon would've been enough.

      • Geminisunmars

        Well you don't meet too many Dicks, now, do you? Oh, wait…

        • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

          Yes, I meet more than my share here in Arizona.

  • HughDMann

    The closer they get to being voted off of the island, the more the turn their 'asshole' knob up to full blast.

  • Neoyorquino

    Santorum Salad. Oh please, dear god, those better be croutons.

    • UW8316154

      And that BETTER be Thousand Island Dressing.

  • ShaveTheWhales

    So, I was browsing through the daily blather from Ioway, and discovered a speech by Ricky in which he attributes the decline of the the fucking British Empire to the introduction of "social safety nets" and universal healthcare.

    Slightly overlooking the effects of the economic rise of Germany and the US, two world wars, international communism, oh, maybe Mohandas Gandhi and the unsustainability of white empire in black Africa, and a few other things. And the fact that the NHS wasn't created until 1948, after the Empire was no more.

    And I imagine his audience took his words at face value.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Why of course. He woulda never bin a United States senator if weren't such a smart feller.

    • Chichikovovich

      Not that I'm trying to defend Santorum, because he's an ignorant fool so completely enslaved by his ideology that it makes him blind to simple principles of evidence and logic. And his thesis is on its face preposterous for the reasons you cite and others too. But probably the beginning of state health care and social safety nets in Britain would be pushed back to the Lloyd George budget of 1909 rather than the NHS:
      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Lloyd_George#P

    • Negropolis

      And, I imagine his audience's eyes glazed over like a ham on Christmas, having absolutely no fucking idea what he was talking about.

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        "glazed over like a ham on Christmas"

        I love that.

    • littlebigdaddy

      You know, the great thing about the goopers, whether they are listening to Rick, One-L, or Newt, this is literally the first time they have ever heard of things like the British Empire, etc. It makes them feel, well, special, and they will of course agree with whatever interpretation is on offer.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    Can't wait to see what the Paul conspiracy kooks come up with when Paul loses tomorrow. It should be hilarious.

    • flamingpdog

      A true apaulcolypse.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

      Even if he wins, there's gonna be some fur flying. Because if he takes Iowa and loses all the other states, it's gonna be PROOF that the LSM is in a CONSPIRACY against Doctor Paul, the ONLY truthful politician, you LIBTRADEZ!

    • littlebigdaddy

      How can he possibly lose! He has a fucking blimp goddammit!

  • Biff

    I can't wait for him to update his family photo, including Gabriel and Bella, further burnishing his family values cred among the cretins that buy his schtick.

  • Antispandex

    Cause everybody knows those darkies are only qualified for them manafacturin jobs?

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    Rick Santorum is the transvestite Sarah Palin.

    • Neoyorquino

      I always thought Sarah Palin was the transvestite Sarah Palin.

  • Negropolis

    You want to know the very saddest thing I find about his comment? I bet you $10,000 Romneybucks that he thought he was clever by using "other people's" to mean "white people's". I bet you he honestly doesn't believe he was being racist, or at least thought he wasn't being overtly racist by just singiling out black people, instead of singling out white's, too. I bet you he think he has plausible deniability.

    Coulda' fooled the fuck out of me. I wasn't aware that black people and white people had different American currency, and that we're crazing "other people's" money. Silly me, I thought we were all working to make the same buck to support ourselves and or families. I wonder what the exchange rate is, this days, between black dollars and white dollars?

    I know this nation can be fickle and spiteful and downright mean when it comes to voting for politicians, but if this presidnet can't win against this field of race-baiting, women-hating, homophic and just generally American-hating — yeah, I fucking said it — crazies, I won't know what to think, anymore.

    • KeepFnThatChicken

      The most telling story about welfare I ever heard — from a die-hard Republican, no less! — goes like this: "Welfare is the price you pay to live in a civil society. If we didn't give the poor people something, you'd have to put bars on your windows and everyone would be armed in fear of all those poor people coming after your stuff.

      "Plus, it's a very small amount on the overall budget. We can afford that."

      Even though his words were crude, he at least touched on the sine qua non that the government (that's US) really should have a hand in doing something for the less privileged and needy.

      • Negropolis

        Welfare is the recognition in a society built around technological advancement which renders whole swaths of people unnecessary, or at least seemingly so, that you better fucking keep them from reverting back to their most primal urges by not dropping them and their families out on the street and expecting them to survive without taking. There is no such thing as "full employment" in a society where the entire point is making more shit with less people (i.e. "efficiency"). It is the very purpose and result of modern American capitalism to cut away as many people from capital as possible leaving more for the top. It doesn't care about employment; only the very few people near the top of the system recognize that you can only cut off so many people at a time and keep the society from crumbling completely beneath you. But, their greed left unchecked doesn't alert them to when this will happen.

        The Republicans are only halfway right when they characterize welfare as "paying people not to work". The other half of that is that we pay people to make sure they continue to buy into society for long enough where a job may eventually open up for them. Civilization only survives so long as people believe in it. You toss someone out of the streets with a "thank and fuck you very much." you better prepared for the natural consequences of that. We're always put one generation of the experiment going to pot.

        It's crude; it's also the honest-to-goodness truth.

        • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

          As someone who lives on disability (psychiatric, and yes, that is a real disability) which is actually slightly more money than welfare, I can tell you that few people would choose to have such a tight budget. The stereotype of people receiving government assistance lazing around in luxury laughing at working slobs is profoundly inaccurate.

          Don't get me wrong. I am very grateful to live in a society that cares for me, and perceive the justice in the social safety net on a personal level. I am working my ass off going to school to get off disability, because I would like to afford things like a car ( and not to end up in a state nursing home). Oh, and I'm white, also too. So the repubs with their welfare Cadillacs can just fuck off.

      • flamingpdog

        It's the same way with education. A lot of the oldz around here (not including me!) say, hey, I've put my kids through school, why should I want to pay (much less raise!!!) real estate taxes to pay for other peoples' kids to go to school. The best retort to ignorant people like this is, "Do you really want their kids out on the streets breaking into your house, stealing your car, and making it impossible for you to leave the house for fear of being mugged because they have no education???"

    • littlebigdaddy

      I don't think they will win, but just in case I wonder if we need to start looking at real estate in Argentina. You know, a Wonkette freedom anal sex and peaceful drugs collective!

      • Geminisunmars

        Do we have to have anal sex to be part of the collective?

        • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

          Don't knock it till you've tried it…

          • Geminisunmars

            Oh, butt I have.

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    Do you think Rick will just walk by the long lines of unemployed workers and tell 'em to "Get a fuckin' job, you losers!"? Because he sounds like he would say that, minus the "fuckin'" part.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

      Rick's a coward. He wouldn't dare. And if he did, I certainly hope my fellow workers would tear him limb from limb.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      He would never swear. He's too moral.

  • fartknocker

    I'm sure Faux news will say that MSNBC, John Stewart, Eric Colbert and CBS are taking Rick's statements out of context.

    OT but related: No more Federal subsidies for ethanol as of yesterday. I'm sure the Ethanol Council is quivering in their boots and hoping for Iowans to support the corn and pig shit industries.

  • Negropolis

    Somehow, I can't imagine Santorum going to some church-going crowd in middle-class areas of Detroit pandering to them about their money going to poor "white people in Appalachia", call me crazy.

    • flamingpdog

      I hope you won't take this the wrong way, but your snark made me laugh darkly because I realized that as sad and sick as it is, at least poor black people are "recognized" in American society. Poor white people in Appalachia are pretty much "invisible" outside their own world.

      • Negropolis

        …at least poor black people are "recognized" in American society.

        And I would like to make it very clear that that is because black people (poor and wealthy, alike) literally fought and died to make sure that we were, and a lot of other groups that put in their voice ultimately and rightfully benefited for that work (Chicanos, later, women, etc…). I wish others would have joined us before they were co-opted by some of the most tribal, base elements that turned them against the movement. MLK was on his way into trying to incorporate general economic justice movements into the greater civil rights movement when he was killed, but I question if they'd have joined in.

        I hope this isn't taken the wrong way, either, but if Appalachia wasn't so convinced that government is unredeemable and that it is in fact evil, and so wary of "strangers", they could have a voice and be folded into the economic justice movement, too.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Somehow, I can't imagine Santorum going to Detroit, period.

  • iburl

    Now all that's left is for the white folks of Iowa do decide it they'd rather black people be janitors under Gingrich, be apartheided by Paul, work in factories under Santorum, or be assumed to know all the words to "Who Let the Dogs Out?" by Romney.

    • littlebigdaddy

      That "who let the dogs out" song is really hip!

  • littlebigdaddy

    You know I hate to admit this, but the picture of Santorum's wife, in all her long-suffering repressed sexy librarian persona gets me going. I bet she knows what santorum is from first hand experience.

  • littlebigdaddy

    I grew up in a world where Iowa and Kansas were places that were a little rusticated but were always on the front lines when it came to issues of racial equality. Where has that world gone?

    • Puffperney

      Having grown up in Kansas, I know what you mean. My ancestors came here in the Free Kansas immigrant wave. As a Kansas history buff, I am truly perplexed as to what happened to Kansas….

  • Come here a minute

    Was there every any doubt that Santorum would put browns into the mix?

    • Tundra Grifter

      CHAM:

      A frothy mixture,at that…

  • Katydid

    After all this time reading Wonkette, after growing up in this country, and I still can't believe he thinks like that, let alone says it. Seriously, what in the motherfuck goes on his brain? Maybe he was the result of a partial birth abortion gone bad, and that's why he's so against them.

    • ThundercatHo

      Very clever theory, also explains why he is such a fucking idiot and why his head looks like it does.

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        Still got a piece of the coat hanger stuck in there.

  • ThundercatHo

    Rick's surge just got a little higher cuz the Duggar's are endorsing him. Probably bought their fetus jars at the same xtian bookstore (they're in the back, under the flails).

  • Bluestatelibel

    At least he didn't say, "I don't want to make bankers' lives better by giving them money," or we would have found him dead in a ditch somewhere this morning.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      But if he had said "I want to make the banker's lives better by giving them black people's money.", he'd have the nomination in the bag.

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Negligently_Joe

    It's funny how it almost seems like the whiter the white guy is, the more certain he is that he KNOWS just what The Blacks need. And also how inevitably wrong said white guy is.

    All of this is just my way of saying that Rick Santorum is literally the whitest white guy I've ever known. Even his voice is basically a standup-up comedian's -like Chappelle's or Louis CK's- "white guy" voice. None of this makes him any more tolerable, I just feel the need to point this out.

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    What really gets me is repubs say this kind of thing out of one side of their mouths, while yammering about a "post racial society" our of the other.

  • An_Outhouse

    I thought Medicare was for old people, not black people.

  • Ducksworthy

    Also those old white ladies in nursing homes who are sucking up all the Medicaid dollars must be made to SUFFER! Too.

  • DahBoner

    Rick Santorum is as smooth as any explosive-diarhea bowell movement I've ever had…

  • HelmutNewton

    Seriously, this whole Santorum Salad thing is yet another example of why we shouldn't let the first primary state be a bunch of ignorant lily-white farmers.

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Negligently_Joe

    Speaking of Rick Santorum being a bigot, constantly, about every minority group on earth, did you catch this recent thing:

    The Huffingpo decided to do an interview with Rick's 20-year-old daughter, Elizabeth, for god knows what reason, and she offered this truly fascinating remix of the old "I can't be a bigot, I have gay friends" meme that Frothy Mix loves to trot out every once in a while:

    She totally has gay friends who completely exist, and are planning to vote for Santorum, because of, you know, Santorum's "family platform".

    The Huffingpo helpfully never bothered to ask who these friends are and could they please speak with them. Our liberal media at work, ladies and gentlemen!

  • ttommyunger

    “I don’t want to make black people’s lives better by giving them other people’s money.” Exactly, if, by black people you mean everybody and if by other people's money, you mean the one per cent.

  • Barrelhse

    Say, are you a skier?

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com PalinzADummy

    Really. I mean, that would be such a tidy end to the current racing environmental catastrophe, not to mention our various ecological planet-crappage and endless dedication to war and destruction. This way, we'll all go quickly and if there's a Supreme Being, they can try again with, I don't know, maybe polar bears, or something.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

    You're more what I would call an optimist in today's world.

  • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

    Santorum Blasts Mud-Slinging