Rupert Murdoch Discovers Fun New Venue For Unrepentant Evil: Twitter

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Almost makes Chuck Grassley's Twitter feed seem dignified.

What does a bored kleptocrat billionaire who has already lived past his expiration date do to pass the time while he is on vacation in the Caribbean? If it’s Rupert Murdoch, he takes a webcam picture of his moldy white raisin mug, tacks it to his brand-new Twitter account and sets about mocking the working slobs of Great Britain for trying to act like rich folk and have their own vacations, TEE-HEE.

Whoops! His wicked seaside ramblings threw his wife into an illiterate twit-fit, and then he deleted the post, because that is not how you show Great Britain you are CONTRITE about illegally spying on their citizenry, for money.

From the Sydney Morning Herald:

His wife, Wendi Deng, also appears to have joined the increasingly ubiquitous microblogging site, quickly replied: “RUPERT!! delete tweet!!”

Within minutes the Wendi Deng account, which has not yet been verified and may not be genuine, continued: “EVERY1 @rupertmurdoch was only having a joke pROMSIE!!!”

Minutes later: “explaining to @rupertmurdoch about being careful with humor on line. sometimes it comes out as rude!”

About five hours later Mr Murdoch revealed his Twitter profile was causing people close to him some angst.
“I’m getting killed for fooling around here and friends frightened what I may really say!” he wrote.

Oh, but don’t worry. It’s not like Murdoch’s feed isn’t still full of hilarious, demonic twatterings like this one:

Aren’t bazillionaires supposed to be sort of smart or something, to have figured out how to amass all that insane wealth? [Sydney Morning Herald]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 252 comments }

Arken January 2, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Rupert Murdoch is so old, he remembers when Ron Paul qualified for social security.

Millennial Malaise January 2, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Was that before or after Dr. Paul qualified for the gold plated congressional health plan, or the lifetime of retirement pay?

OneDollarJuana January 2, 2012 at 7:56 pm

But, but, he refused those because he's a libertarian, right?

Callyson January 2, 2012 at 2:36 pm

“explaining to @rupertmurdoch about being careful with hacking phones of dead people. sometimes it comes out as rude!”

Callyson January 2, 2012 at 2:38 pm

The decision of the octogenarian billionaire to embrace Twitter has been greeted with surprise by many, given his previous view of the internet as the home of "porn, thievery and hackers".
Yeah, because that territory belongs to Rupert Murdoch's publications…

Fare la Volpe January 3, 2012 at 2:26 am

Didn't Murdoch INVENT the so-called Page Three Girl?

rocktonsam January 2, 2012 at 2:40 pm

I'm not going to let Rupert ruin my new favorite holiday.
The day after New Years Day day.
Suck it you prick!

PuckStopsHere January 2, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Maybe Brits ought to tax shit out of Rupert Murdoch and then they wouldn't be a broke country.

Designer_Rants January 2, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Then he wouldn't be so worried about other peoples' vacations. Win-win.

Monsieur_Grumpe January 2, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Don't mess with the Brit's holidays or you'll get a severe frown.

AlterNewt January 2, 2012 at 7:33 pm

..or a drive-by snubbing.

Negropolis January 3, 2012 at 1:57 am

If by a severe frown you mean a few thousand angry protestors mixed with some anarchists down on Whitehall, then yes, you'll get a "severe frown." lol

Don't let the Brits fool you; they'll cut a bitch with the best of 'em. Hell, they are the originator of the term "knifecrime"."

SexySmurf January 2, 2012 at 2:49 pm

I really did not need to read Rubert's musings on the consistency of santorum. Thanks Internets.

marrcus January 2, 2012 at 4:40 pm

The consistency is different when it's surging.

Loaded_Pants January 2, 2012 at 5:45 pm

It also depends on what one eats.

emmelemm January 2, 2012 at 4:45 pm

"Rubert" – best typo ever?

SexySmurf January 2, 2012 at 5:19 pm

The "b" is for bargain. Or bastard, either one.

OneDollarJuana January 2, 2012 at 8:03 pm

Or butthole. Or bleeder. Or blatherskate. Or bombast. Or bum. Or brigand. Or buttnugget. Or bugger. Or bandersnatch.

flamingpdog January 2, 2012 at 10:24 pm

Cess-a-me Street brought to you today by the letter "B".

GuanoFaucet January 2, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Motherfucking please let someone hack his twitter account.

assistantatlas January 2, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Odds are that his password is probably something as stupid as "12345" or "password". Unless, you know, he learned a lesson from all those voicemails his hacks hacked.

Loaded_Pants January 2, 2012 at 6:01 pm

"rupertsawesome1"?
"moremoney$"?
"hackdisbitches"?

dailyworldwatch January 2, 2012 at 10:17 pm

My bet is on "Wendisdong".

Guppy January 2, 2012 at 2:52 pm

I recall a certain American president he was a fan of who took constant "holidays" and everything still turned out alright!

Harry_S_Truman January 2, 2012 at 7:30 pm

Now watch this drive . . .

flamingpdog January 2, 2012 at 7:34 pm

You've covered your ass, now get outta here.

BarackMyWorld January 2, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Oh, leave Rupert alone. The man is an inspiration to anyone who has ever turned inherited wealth into even more wealth!

Guppy January 2, 2012 at 8:32 pm

I'm sure Donald Trump has his picture hanging on the wall.

Blueb4sunrise January 2, 2012 at 2:55 pm

wait a minute, wait a minute, you ain't heard nuthin yet……

person of interest in L.A. Arsons….

The "person of interest" detained for questioning in a string of arson fires is a native of Germany who may have been in dispute with federal immigration officials, sources said.

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/lanow/2012/01/la-

Also, thanks to everyone who got me cleaned up and on the bus back to Az.

user-of-owls January 2, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Well I'll be damned. I had no idea that Marinus van der Lubbe had a kid!

Blueb4sunrise January 2, 2012 at 4:41 pm

WOW!
A backwards somersault Godwin, with two twists, in the pike position.

10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 9.5

C_R_Eature January 2, 2012 at 6:28 pm

9.5? 9.5?! Those East German judges never give anyone a break.

user-of-owls January 2, 2012 at 7:19 pm

I've been practicing that move for years! 9.5. What a bitch. At least I think she's a bitch. Hard to say with all those muscles and facial hair.

C_R_Eature January 2, 2012 at 6:27 pm

Awesome. I had to look him up. Just awesome.

flamingpdog January 2, 2012 at 7:37 pm

BUILD THE FENCE AROUND GERMANY!!!

Negropolis January 3, 2012 at 2:00 am

Sounds like they arrested some random Mexican for good measure, though. Can't let it just be some angry German.

CrunchyKnee January 2, 2012 at 3:00 pm

That old fucker is on Twitter? They can't pass SOPA quick enough.

HateMachine January 2, 2012 at 3:12 pm

No, after SOPA is passed, ol' Roop's twats will be the only ones allowed on the twatosphere.

OneDollarJuana January 2, 2012 at 8:07 pm

And that will kill Twitter. Kinda like the voter suppression laws aimed at Democrats are keeping Gingrich off the Virginia ballot.

HateMachine January 2, 2012 at 8:18 pm

Kill Twitter? Please. How many millions do you think Murdoch would shovel on to the Twitterati people for a personal vanity messaging service? It might not get any hits or serve any purpose whatsoever, but they'll sure as shit keep the servers lit.

PalinzADummy January 2, 2012 at 9:26 pm

You mean like he did with what was that thing, Myspace?

Radiotherapy January 2, 2012 at 3:02 pm

Glad to see it's only Jan. 2nd and the stupid is aflow.

C_R_Eature January 2, 2012 at 7:22 pm

Yes. Imagine what the rest of the year is going to be like, eh?

*collapses in heap, sobbing*

OneDollarJuana January 2, 2012 at 8:08 pm

When I look at a list of everything that's happened this year (a lot!) it kind of makes me think of 1967, another busy year.

C_R_Eature January 3, 2012 at 7:52 pm

Funny, I've been getting that kind of vibe, too.
The society seems to be in transition like 67 &68 – one can only hope to someplace better. I can do without the analog to the '68 summer city riots and the assassinations, though – if I had a choice.

PalinzADummy January 3, 2012 at 12:20 am

There, there, dear. It'll be OK. (pats c_r_eature on teh back)

Here, have a slug of bourbon.

C_R_Eature January 3, 2012 at 7:46 pm

*eagerly grasps tumbler, gulps it all back* AHHHH! *cough, wheese*."Smooth".
"All better now. Thansk!" "Now, bakk tew werk." (slides off chair onto floor, grinning).

PalinzADummy January 3, 2012 at 7:51 pm

Snicker. (Wait till s/he figures out it's laced with red bull and speed.)

flamingpdog January 2, 2012 at 7:40 pm

I don't think the stoopid spigot can be turned off.

C_R_Eature January 2, 2012 at 7:58 pm

Spigot's stuck open with Santorum. It's everywhere.

Bezoar January 2, 2012 at 3:02 pm

"Aren’t bazillionaires supposed to be sort of smart or something, to have figured out how to amass all that insane wealth?"

I don't think it takes smarts so much as a predatory disposition. You could call it 'criminality', to be honest.

jus_wonderin January 2, 2012 at 3:06 pm

OT: Anyone answer the "What Do You Think" questionaire?

Radiotherapy January 2, 2012 at 3:16 pm

What do you think?

jus_wonderin January 2, 2012 at 3:17 pm

"I do not have a strong opinion."

smokefillednewyear January 2, 2012 at 3:27 pm

I think I'm not afraid of snakes, but I may be wrong.

jus_wonderin January 2, 2012 at 3:31 pm

I kept going answering each time it gave me 3 more questions to vote on thinking "When is the going to end?" Then, when it finally did end I was sad because I wanted it to ask me more questions. I felt like I lost a friend.

starfanglednut January 2, 2012 at 3:17 pm

What do you think?

user-of-owls January 2, 2012 at 4:09 pm

What do you think?

ProgressiveInga January 2, 2012 at 4:22 pm

What DO you think?

Salacious Crumb January 2, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Think, do you what?

Blueb4sunrise January 2, 2012 at 3:20 pm

I agree.

nounverb911 January 2, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Same here.

Lucidamente1 January 2, 2012 at 3:08 pm

You can never have enough Santorum surging in Iowa.

nounverb911 January 2, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Doesn't it make the streets slippery?

jus_wonderin January 2, 2012 at 3:33 pm

I read that as sheets. And yes, it does.

OneDollarJuana January 2, 2012 at 8:12 pm

How about the Hershey Highway? After all, he was from PA.

Mahousu January 2, 2012 at 4:02 pm

It's a good fertilizer; just make sure it doesn't get washed into the rivers.

Isyaignert January 2, 2012 at 4:47 pm

I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

An_Outhouse January 2, 2012 at 6:13 pm

One of the few states with wedded Santorum. The more the married-er.

Redhead January 2, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Phew. I don't have a twitter account – one less thing to worry about being hacked.

Texan_Bulldog January 2, 2012 at 3:10 pm

Like it's a shocker to discover that Rupert Murdoch is a big dick! Sorry, Wendi, we kind of already figured that out.

Loaded_Pants January 2, 2012 at 4:05 pm

She probably often thinks: "The stupid shit I have to deal with for the money."

Loaded_Pants January 2, 2012 at 3:15 pm

It's like when my great-grandmother finally figured out voice mail.

tessiee January 2, 2012 at 10:53 pm

My most recent temp job included the task of getting the messages that people left on voice mail when the office was closed evenings and weekends. Although the outgoing message clearly stated our hours and gave directions for leaving a message, we'd invariably get at least one message along the lines of:
"Hello? HELLO??? IS ANYBODY THERE?? HELLO?… [disappointed] Oh, it's one of those damn things… [trailing off] nobody's there…" [clunk of phone receiver being dropped]

starfanglednut January 2, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Aren’t bazillionaires supposed to be sort of smart or something, to have figured out how to amass all that insane wealth?

Nope, just evil.

starfanglednut January 2, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Oops, should checked further up the thread.

Sfn!! DELETE COMMENT!!

Ducksworthy January 2, 2012 at 3:17 pm

The image of Santorum surging across the cornfields of Iowa is just horrifying. But those fields could use the manure.

DustBowlBlues January 2, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Maybe it's useful as a weed killer?

Loaded_Pants January 2, 2012 at 6:17 pm

It's good as both! Now, that is American innovation at it's best!

ShaveTheWhales January 2, 2012 at 6:27 pm

A Photoshop opportunity, using some Fukushima footage?

PalinzADummy January 2, 2012 at 8:55 pm

Go for it!

Ew.

PalinzADummy January 2, 2012 at 8:55 pm

HNY, Ducks!

I dunno. Can't we use something less likely to spread death and disease? You know, like duck poop. Or something.

wonkettkinkster January 3, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Unfortunately since it's human waste, it'll only be good for fuel ethanol. Not like Iowa grows anything else!

weejee January 2, 2012 at 3:18 pm

With Santorum surging & Paul & Romney tied, does this mean it's She1ey's last putsch?

ShaveTheWhales January 2, 2012 at 6:28 pm

Willard, Paul, and Perry.

Worst folk group EVAH.

PalinzADummy January 3, 2012 at 12:18 am

All the sheets are brown …
And our hair is gray …

Radiotherapy January 2, 2012 at 3:18 pm

The whole "Santorum Surge" is, no doubt, journalistic "inside" joke. And it's even funnier when wankers like Murdoch are clueless.

Spurning Beer January 2, 2012 at 3:24 pm

If Rick gets back into office, we can have endless headlines about how Santorum leaks this-or-that.

Spurning Beer January 2, 2012 at 3:26 pm

And if he should ever play basketball with Barack, the headlines would be "Santorum Dribbles Up and Down the Court."

Spurning Beer January 2, 2012 at 3:35 pm

But if he gets out of the politics game and gets a journalism job at Fox News, promos will be all "Santorum Covers Washington."

Loaded_Pants January 2, 2012 at 3:56 pm
not that Dewey January 2, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Are they clueless? He spelled "santorum" with a lower-case "S", but capitalized "Iowa".

PalinzADummy January 2, 2012 at 9:03 pm

You need to ask?

not that Dewey January 2, 2012 at 10:44 pm

Well, he didn't get rich by not paying attention.

PalinzADummy January 2, 2012 at 10:55 pm

And I'm saying Rupert's a vile old wretch and probably did it deliberately for laffs.

rocktonsam January 2, 2012 at 3:55 pm

there have been 7 santorum surges.

tessiee January 2, 2012 at 10:55 pm

Oh, goody!
A story!
*sits attentively at rocktonsam's feet*

PalinzADummy January 2, 2012 at 8:56 pm

Maybe Murdoch's in on the joke. (yech)

old_phineas January 2, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Oh, holy fuckin' Jesus crimininy. I was so horrified/amused with this story, that I actually tried to post here under my real name (luckily that venture failed). When Ida Tarbell wrote the exposes of John D. Rockefeller at the turn of the last century, Rockefeller was equally clueless as to "what's the big deal?" On the other hand Rockefeller was actually producing something of utility to his victims. Murdoch's attitude is the result of international corporate inbreeding, and the result of that is not pretty.

PalinzADummy January 3, 2012 at 12:32 am

Hello, and welcome to the poo flingfest.

smokefillednewyear January 2, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Yeah, if there's anything Murdoch knows a lot about, it's humility.

tessiee January 2, 2012 at 3:23 pm

That cunt.

Rotundo_ January 2, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Oh Rupe, just die already and get the fuck over it. You've made your empire, time for the kids to fuck it all up beyond recognition. It should be interesting to see what his rental unit Wendi gets when the will settles. Maybe she will become the mistress of all media.

Loaded_Pants January 2, 2012 at 3:45 pm

You just know the years-long legal fight over the will will start as soon as his body is plasticized & put into a glass coffin in the Fox News lobby.

Rotundo_ January 2, 2012 at 4:07 pm

I'm not so sure it would be at Fox News. More likely over at the Sun or one of the British tabloids. Now when Ailes kicks, they will have him in a glass box glowering over all the news droids and blond newreader/spokesmodels/vacant cranium-types at Fox News. Ailes *is* Fox News, the poisonous fuck. I'd love to know who will replace him. Perhaps Rove?

Loaded_Pants January 2, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Good point. Maybe they'll just divide Rupert's parts up and distribute them like the Catholic Church did with "relics".

Rotundo_ January 2, 2012 at 6:33 pm

Send the genitals to be displayed in Ailes mouth. Fitting final resting place for them.

Fare la Volpe January 3, 2012 at 2:42 am

I hear Manson's not doing much these days.

DemmeFatale January 2, 2012 at 3:27 pm

STFU, Rupert!

Schmannnity January 2, 2012 at 3:30 pm

When does Rupert start tweeting pictures of his crotch to Anthony Weiner's followers?

starfanglednut January 2, 2012 at 4:55 pm

ewww, just eww.

assistantatlas January 2, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Do. Not. Want.

PalinzADummy January 2, 2012 at 9:04 pm

Srsly.

x111e7thst January 2, 2012 at 3:32 pm

A surging tide of santorum raises all ??

Blueb4sunrise January 2, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Butts?

Beowoof January 2, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Careful Rupert or you will take away all doubt that you are a huge douche bag.

PalinzADummy January 2, 2012 at 9:04 pm

There's doubt? (rolls up sleeves) Show me these doubters. I will straighten them out.

Manhattan123 January 2, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Oh great, now he's going to start telling us what he had for breakfast and if he took a big shit that morning.

starfanglednut January 2, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Gah!

Loaded_Pants January 2, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Metamucil finally kicked in LOL

emmelemm January 2, 2012 at 4:48 pm

There's some beautiful synergy there, with your username.

Loaded_Pants January 2, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Why thank you! It's also so open to interpretation which is why I like it. How much is loaded in the pants? And with what? (Hint: no santorum)

smokefillednewyear January 2, 2012 at 5:19 pm

@murdochsboweljournal

flamingpdog January 2, 2012 at 8:02 pm
tessiee January 2, 2012 at 10:59 pm

Grandpa Simpson: That's it! I'm not speaking to you!
Homer Simpson: But how will I know what you had for breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day?
Grandpa: You'll have to read my blog. [gestures to computer screen displaying picture of Grandpa and "WhyEverythingStinksNowadays.com"]

MaxUdargo January 2, 2012 at 3:37 pm

I've given up on the quaint idea that being rich means being smart. Too much contradictory data accumulating: Trump, Cain, Murdoch, etc. I'm beginning to think the key to wealth is knowing how to intimidate smart people. You start out bullying the nerd into giving you the answers for the test, you end up old, stupid, loud and owning a bunch of stuff.

Geminisunmars January 2, 2012 at 6:16 pm

Old, stupid, loud and owning a bunch of stuff is not way to go through life.

emmelemm January 2, 2012 at 6:51 pm

Actually, it sounds like a pretty good way to go through life. For the person in question. Everyone around them, however…

ShaveTheWhales January 2, 2012 at 6:32 pm

Actually, the usual path to riches is much simpler: inherit them.

SpiderCrab January 2, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Repulsive old geezer. When he swims the sharks are repelled by his stink.

Loaded_Pants January 2, 2012 at 6:16 pm

Shark #1: "How about this one?"
Shark #2: "Nope. Smells funny and looks too old. Not enough meat. We'd probably be shitting ailes* for days."

*ailes=new word for watery diarrhea.

PalinzADummy January 2, 2012 at 9:07 pm

Hie thee over to UrbanDictionary.com and enter that right away, dood.

Geminisunmars January 2, 2012 at 6:17 pm

Wouldn't make good chum.

DerrickWildcat January 2, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Santorum has surged into 3rd place. Let's have a ticker-tape parade.

P.S. it's not really that Santorum has surged as much as it is that Newt and Bachman have de-surged.

Loaded_Pants January 2, 2012 at 3:49 pm

They slipped in the santorum.

not that Dewey January 2, 2012 at 4:16 pm

The surge is working!

flamingpdog January 2, 2012 at 8:06 pm

If the final vote count is so close that there is no clear winner, I foresee the possiblity of someone(s) filing a surge suit.

PalinzADummy January 2, 2012 at 9:08 pm

Sounds wonderful. I hope it leaves them all broke.

smashedinhat January 2, 2012 at 3:48 pm

That senile old fuck. Bet Wendi has to hold his withered dick when he goes for a whizz.

Dashboard Buddha January 2, 2012 at 3:50 pm

…annnnd there goes my lunch. hey…when did I last have pastrami?

smashedinhat January 2, 2012 at 4:24 pm

He should have used a naked Prof. Farnsworth of Futurama fame with tassels on his naked man titties as a Twitter avatar. There's a mental image one won't easily recover from!

PalinzADummy January 2, 2012 at 9:09 pm

I join with DBB in offering you my lunches past in ho-ho-hork! mage.

tessiee January 2, 2012 at 9:23 pm

Nah. Professor Farnsworth is smart.

Rotundo_ January 2, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Rest assured she's well compensated for the trouble. She may be a rental unit, but she's collecting good money doing so. She must have a hell of a time finding the damned thing. That's where a woman's natural advantage shines in manual dexterity, hands like a surgeon I'd imagine.

tessiee January 2, 2012 at 9:25 pm

"She must have a hell of a time finding the damned thing"

What, you never heard of a bookmark?

Loaded_Pants January 2, 2012 at 6:07 pm

"Wait, wait! Rupert, I have to find it AGAIN, first!!"

AFKensington January 2, 2012 at 3:49 pm

"Santorum Surging from Behind."

Is there any other way?

Dudleydidwrong January 2, 2012 at 5:42 pm

Yes. It can also trickle down – the santorum economic plan

Dashboard Buddha January 2, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Maybe this twit has too much time to be an utter douche bag.

user-of-owls January 2, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Rupert, I make fun of Rep. Pete Hoekstra's tweets. I know Rep. Pete Hoekstra's tweets. Pete Hoekstra's tweets are a meme of mine. Oligarch, you're no Pete Hoekstra.

freakishlywrong January 2, 2012 at 4:07 pm

King of all muthafuckin' media.

sbj1964 January 2, 2012 at 4:10 pm

What would Heir Murdoch say to this? NINE,NINE,NINE!

user-of-owls January 2, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Ruprecht is just cranky because Kim Jong Un got his dream job.

C_R_Eature January 2, 2012 at 4:13 pm

"All I said was 'Let's have Cake' or something like that and everyone gets all Pissy!"
@marieantonette

actor212 January 2, 2012 at 4:25 pm

I think the last thing a guy who steals phone messages from dead children ought to want is for people to pay MORE attention to him.

starfanglednut January 2, 2012 at 6:19 pm

I think he should get plenty of attention, in jail.

tessiee January 2, 2012 at 9:27 pm

Ya think Really Big Buckaroo could find it even faster than Wendee?

PalinzADummy January 2, 2012 at 9:11 pm

Pah! No one cares about dead children but their parents and a few sentimental ninnies.

But hacking the British PM's email — now that's a different kettle of fish altogether, innit? That concerns the affairs of nations. Why is the heat not on for this egregious breach of security?

Fare la Volpe January 3, 2012 at 2:36 am

Security? Dear, he's a prime minister. They're lucky to get the ADT people to call within the hour after a break-in.

Negropolis January 3, 2012 at 2:08 am

That kind fo assumes that the person in question isn't a hopeless sociopath, though.

Chillwaver January 2, 2012 at 4:26 pm

"Can you hack this shit too? Just kidding! Relax ppl!"
@ruppertmurdoch

subsum January 2, 2012 at 4:40 pm

@wendideng: you go now.

chascates January 2, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Chuckle it up, Rupert. Death is headed your way. Soon. Old motherfucker.

PalinzADummy January 3, 2012 at 12:17 am

May it come soon, last long, and pain excruciatingly.

HedonismBot January 2, 2012 at 4:46 pm

hEY WEndi! BEt U wisshs u wOUldA leT thatt GUy hit YoUr wrinlklY old SSSuGGar daddI in the fase with that CREEM pie AFtEr all, HUh??1?

starfanglednut January 2, 2012 at 4:52 pm

yeh, shut up wendi ur such a fagget

Isyaignert January 2, 2012 at 4:49 pm

That last tweet about the Republicons is fake right? Or, does that evil fuk really think that way? That's a completely delusional thing for anyone to say if they've been paying attention.

starfanglednut January 2, 2012 at 4:54 pm

OT, but can we please, please, please get rid if the iced tea shocker and bring back kortney?

Rotundo_ January 2, 2012 at 6:42 pm

It's kind of a "good cop-bad cop" thing with PETA- one minute they have you staring blankly with a puddle of drool collecting on your keyboard, and then-WHAM! it's the gore and torture stuff with animal research facilities and stuff. I do understand the issues behind where they stand, but it loses something in the translation when you are gagging or getting an erection. It's difficult to get the message when autonomic reactions are already kicking in.

HedonismBot January 2, 2012 at 11:41 pm

I'm not afraid to admit, the first time I saw the "iced tea shocker," for the briefest of moments I actually thought I was looking at a nude female posterior. Someone please tell me I'm not the only one.
Paging Dr. Freud…

Fare la Volpe January 3, 2012 at 2:51 am

You're not the only one.

starfanglednut January 3, 2012 at 9:52 am

I'd go with Jung on this one. It'd probably turn out better that way.

assistantatlas January 2, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Unsurprisingly, the fake Rupert Murdoch feed can't even dream of being as blithely, unthinkingly evil as the actual Rupert Murdoch is. But for those who enjoy that sort of thing, I do think @RupertMurdochPR is rather well done.

FlyOverGirl January 2, 2012 at 5:11 pm

You know who else is glad to see Santorum surging?

Isyaignert January 2, 2012 at 5:47 pm

Okay, I'll bite, who else is glad to see Santorum surging?

Also, too, tell me about your mother. My mom's new nick name is the momster (like monster), not like she's hip or anything resembling that.

FlyOverGirl January 2, 2012 at 9:16 pm

Today my mother has been half way decent. The bad run-in which I can tell in a coherent manner was at Christmas.

I've developed a weird allergy/reaction to Soy Lecithin (it's an emulsifier found in most chocolates), and we worked like crazy to track down a chocolate bar without ingredient for me for Christmas. Finally found one at Trader Joe's without Soy Lecithin in it, and yeah, she was a part of the search.

So December 26, I'm finishing up my breakfast and taking dishes to the kitchen to come back to the living room to find Mom sneaking a bite of the hard found chocolate bar. Not that I'd be okay with it at any other given time of the day, but goddamn, this is 8:30 am.

So the YELLING begins from me about why she needed to do that. Notably that she purposefully snuck the bite while I was out of the room.

Her reply varies from "I just wanted to know what it tasted like," to "the devil made me do it," to my nieces would have found it there anyway and eaten it (they showed no interest in it or any other chocolate to be honest).

Seriously, WTF.?? The devil made me do it….

So yeah, that's my Mom.

New Year's Eve is a different issue. Not sure I can explain that one yet.

And I was thinking Dan Savage would really like to see Santorum surging ;)

FlyOverGirl January 2, 2012 at 9:22 pm

The fun part I should add is — last night I had to explain Santorum to my mother. We never got to the actual realities of what Santorum is; just that it's something gross from sex and Dan Savage took revenge with Google on Rick Santorum being a jerk. Mind you, she doesn't have a computer or use the internet so I also had to explain the whole Google machine and how those web site thingys get propelled to the top.

So should we put our mothers together?

C_R_Eature January 2, 2012 at 5:53 pm

The OxyClean Company?

Radiotherapy January 2, 2012 at 5:59 pm

The Butthole Surfers?

BarackMyWorld January 2, 2012 at 6:07 pm

Ted Haggard?

(Yup…that joke works on 2 levels!)

ProgressiveInga January 2, 2012 at 6:54 pm

The owner of The Boone Pizza Ranch in Boone, IA?:
"The Boone Pizza Ranch named their chicken salad after Rick Santorum on Monday after the staff asked him to try their signature dish and he said he liked it."

You heard it right: Santorum Salad. Your move, Dirty Sanchez.

Radiotherapy January 2, 2012 at 7:30 pm

It's a toss up.

PalinzADummy January 2, 2012 at 9:14 pm

Jesus wept.

ManchuCandidate January 2, 2012 at 5:32 pm

Thanks for the advice Mr Burns.

"I'll keep it short and sweet. Family, religion, friendship … these are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business."

Loaded_Pants January 2, 2012 at 5:45 pm

A friend of mine used to work for Shank of America for years. He quit after he heard a conversation between two top executives in a elevator. My friend was up for a big promotion. But he concluded that they were complete psychopaths & he decided he had no interest in joining their ranks. Good call.

Radiotherapy January 2, 2012 at 7:45 pm

In all of my dealings with middle management and up over the last 25+ years I've come to the same conclusion: they are all sociopaths. The capitalism train is driven by these nerve-racking, avaricious, hardly fellow human beans.

PalinzADummy January 2, 2012 at 9:15 pm

Indeed. And they work hard on training themselves to be that way. To see their fellow humans as fungible cogs in the economic system they serve. Our overlords could not oppress we the people so thorougly without these banal Evils merrily manning the controls.

BarackMyWorld January 2, 2012 at 5:49 pm

You had me at "Mr. Burns."

starfanglednut January 2, 2012 at 6:21 pm

D'oh!

BarackMyWorld January 2, 2012 at 5:47 pm

OT, but I like this tweet better.

starfanglednut January 2, 2012 at 6:21 pm

That is genius.

valgal2342 January 2, 2012 at 9:16 pm

Indeed.

An_Outhouse January 2, 2012 at 6:16 pm

twuner – twitter for prunes. . Maybe Rupert will lay done some major cash for it like he did Myspace.

johnnyzhivago January 2, 2012 at 6:21 pm

Let's see his birth certificate!

Rotundo_ January 2, 2012 at 6:49 pm

Written on one of the columns of Stonhenge, in runes, it reads: "Mogg shat out Rupert here on third crossing of star at column four"

PalinzADummy January 2, 2012 at 9:17 pm

Now, was that "Mogg," or "Dogg"? Because Rupert looks eerily similar to early drawings of the Antichrist … jes' sayin'.

HedonismBot January 2, 2012 at 11:28 pm

Our friends across the pond refer to cats as "moggies." This makes perfect sense now. Rupert Murdoch is cat shit, quite literally.

PalinzADummy January 2, 2012 at 11:35 pm

Pity the Mogg didn't have the good sense of her species, and bury him deep, then.

cheetojeebus January 2, 2012 at 6:56 pm

It would be really shitty if Maybe next time he got a "Santorum salad" in the face?

I shit you not: http://livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com/updates/335

this shit just writes itself

DonnyKerabotsos January 2, 2012 at 7:10 pm

That's it! New Year's Resolution: I'm a vegetarian!

ShaveTheWhales January 2, 2012 at 7:39 pm

Not frothy enough!!!

Tsunami Ali January 2, 2012 at 7:05 pm

Aren’t bazillionaires supposed to be sort of smart or something, to have figured out how to amass all that insane wealth?

If you are ruthless and a raging dick, intelligence matters not one iota.

Bluestatelibel January 2, 2012 at 7:33 pm

Yeah, you lazy Brits, get back to work. I expect you all thought you could leave early Christmas Eve, and show up a little late the day after, too – all on your employer's shilling! And you even thought you might enjoy a nice dinner with the family, including that little crippled kid, right? Bah, humbug.

PalinzADummy January 2, 2012 at 9:18 pm

I'll bet he's never read the book, or if he has, that he doesn't see the parallels.

chascates January 2, 2012 at 8:05 pm

Optimism: Bachmann also insisted that regardless of how she performs in Iowa, her campaign has the funds and structure to continue the fight to other states. “We’ve already bought our plane tickets,” she said indicating that they were ready to move on to New Hampshire.

ManchuCandidate January 2, 2012 at 8:06 pm

She also believes Marcus likes girls so there's that.

HedonismBot January 3, 2012 at 12:20 am

I tried really hard to find you a motivational poster about optimism. This will have to do, because life sucks and I can't find a better one. http://www.motifake.com/55155

BarackMyWorld January 2, 2012 at 8:23 pm

I finally saw the clip from "60 Minutes" where Eric Canto's press secretary flips out when Leslie Stahl mentions that Reagan raised taxes. http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=7393514n

not that Dewey January 2, 2012 at 8:45 pm

That "gotcha" liberal mainstream recent history is making the job of Cantor flak increasingly difficult.

BarackMyWorld January 2, 2012 at 10:53 pm

I guess we'll never find out what newspapers he reads or what he knows about Paul Revere.

not that Dewey January 3, 2012 at 12:11 am

And that video still should be the new Bitch Face.

PalinzADummy January 2, 2012 at 9:22 pm

These fucks want to fight reality and they're betting they'll win. No wonder they want control of the Internet. I'm just flapdoodled by them. They will NOT believe whatever happened, if they don't want to, and that's how the world works, so there.

Biff January 2, 2012 at 9:43 pm

That fuckweasel almost cost me a flatscreen. And a .357 cartridge. OTOH, way to go Leslie Stahl.

C_R_Eature January 2, 2012 at 10:47 pm

Elvis! Is that you?

When did you get back from Kepler-22b?

Fukui_SanYesOta January 2, 2012 at 9:51 pm

I just watched that myself – the part where they just show the footage of Reagan saying "it's a compromise" is priceless.

HedonismBot January 2, 2012 at 11:32 pm

I saw a brief portion of that "60 Minutes" clip last night too, but I had the mute on and I didn't watch nor listen to any of it. I was nursing a hangover, but otherwise having a good day and feeling optimistic about what 2012 may bring. I had no desire to ruin these feelings by exposing myself to ratface fuck Cantor and whatever evil bullshit he's cooking up this time. Sometimes it's better just to ignore it all and say fuck it.

donner_froh January 2, 2012 at 8:36 pm

Maybe Brits have too many Murdochs for a broke country.

not that Dewey January 2, 2012 at 8:37 pm

England is not going to bankrupt itself!

anniegetyerfun January 2, 2012 at 10:25 pm

Nothing useful to add except that Wendy's last name is pronounced "dung", not "dang" like everyone is always saying on teevee.

HedonismBot January 2, 2012 at 11:35 pm

People pronounce Boehner as "Bay-ner," and I never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever heard a newscaster refer to George W. Bush as "George Bush Junior."
Anthony Weiner may have been a (minor) sex creep, but at least he didn't cop out and pronounce his name as "Way-ner." The dude owned his unfortunate name (no dick jokes intended) and kicked ass as a proudly liberal politician, until the sexting caught up to him.

PalinzADummy January 3, 2012 at 12:27 am

Except it's not really "dung," either, but more like a soft t followed by an "ng".

Very hard to tell, le, must hear.

anniegetyerfun January 3, 2012 at 12:31 am

Well, Mandarin has a softer d than English, but it's not a t, either. And it's not like it's missing a vowel.

Negropolis January 3, 2012 at 1:47 am

Someone please tell me that the Nightmare Before Christmas's Doctor Finklestein was based on Rupert Murdoch.

Negropolis January 3, 2012 at 1:51 am

BTW, greed doesn't have to be smart to attract and keep wealth. It just has to be overwhelming, willfull, and without real self-reflection. The more greed thinks, the more it puts itself in danger of finding or remembering a long buried conscience and responsibility.

Kinda' discouraging, huh?

Spurning Beer January 3, 2012 at 8:22 am

Aren’t bazillionaires supposed to be sort of smart or something, to have figured out how to amass all that insane wealth?

Billionaires pay people to be smart for them. They also pay people to dress them, feed them, drive them, shop for them, communicate for them…. It's like being a queen bee without having to lay eggs.

It's been like this since the Bronze Age, so we've got our work cut out for us if we're going to occupy this shit.

sati_demise January 3, 2012 at 10:00 am

Dear #RupertMurdock,
go fk yurslf, mk?
thks,
evry body

ttommyunger January 3, 2012 at 11:10 pm

Well, Rupert can just kiss my narrow Missouri ass. But his old lady? Do not fuck with her, I've seen her in action and she will kick your ass off and hand it back to you.

ProgressiveInga January 2, 2012 at 4:28 pm

After a Mittens victory tomorrow: "Romney Licks Santorum"

flamingpdog January 2, 2012 at 7:47 pm

If the race "tightens", won't it require more lube and automatically result in a boost for Santorum? Sounds win/win to me.

Radiotherapy January 2, 2012 at 4:48 pm

He'll be good at rectifying the situation.

Loaded_Pants January 2, 2012 at 6:03 pm

That one did me in…where's my "puke bucket"?

PalinzADummy January 2, 2012 at 9:01 pm

AAAAUUUGFFFHHGHTH!!! NOOOEEEZ!!!

user-of-owls January 2, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Stink, you poo what?

Radiotherapy January 2, 2012 at 4:51 pm

He's the only one who will give Ron polyp Paul lip.

Radiotherapy January 2, 2012 at 4:56 pm

This comment has been deleted by the user.

What do you think about that?

smokefillednewyear January 2, 2012 at 5:13 pm

A sphincter says what?

smokefillednewyear January 2, 2012 at 5:15 pm

A friend wouldn't send all your responses to doubleclick. Resist the temptation!

PalinzADummy January 2, 2012 at 9:27 pm

Me too, but it hasn't ended yet, I don't think. I'll miss the little bugger when it goes. Or when they take me off the drugs, whichever comes first.

ShaveTheWhales January 2, 2012 at 6:25 pm

What, do you think?

Radiotherapy January 2, 2012 at 10:11 pm

No more Santorum!

ShaveTheWhales January 2, 2012 at 6:30 pm

Try the Veal Santorum. Tip your waitress.

Radiotherapy January 2, 2012 at 6:32 pm

That's a compliment coming from Loaded_Pants.

user-of-owls January 2, 2012 at 7:22 pm
user-of-owls January 2, 2012 at 7:25 pm
C_R_Eature January 2, 2012 at 7:27 pm

Was a Bitch, I think. We won't know for sure until the genetic screening tests come back from the lab.

Loaded_Pants January 2, 2012 at 7:30 pm

I think I'll skip the "wafer-thin mint" just in case.

Radiotherapy January 2, 2012 at 10:10 pm

And the horse you Rodin on.

user-of-owls January 2, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Have you lost your marbles?

Radiotherapy January 2, 2012 at 10:47 pm

Fo' chizzle!

Spurning Beer January 2, 2012 at 11:08 pm

PERRY'S HUGE OPENING NARROWS AS FRICTION DRIES UP SANTORUM MOMENTUM

Fare la Volpe January 3, 2012 at 2:37 am

Wait, that was Ole Rupe's doing? Yeegads, I couldn't have left that pile sooner.

C_R_Eature January 3, 2012 at 8:05 pm

(Jumps up, runs towards door, misses, runs through new C.R. shaped hole in wall). Yelling "WAAAH_HOOOO" just like Major "King" Kong.
Still gets to work late, but has a strangely productive day.

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