How money is made.

Ol’ moneybags Mitt Romney is estimated to be worth over $250 million, a rather grotesque embarrassment of riches and presumably the reason why Mittens refuses to release his tax returns, in hope of avoiding a couple of news cycles’ worth of “How many thousands of struggling homeowners could Mitt Romney’s wealth instantly save from foreclosure, right now?” types of stories. Releasing them would also undermine his favorite bizarre rhetorical strategy, trying to speak Poor. He’s unemployed! He’s underpaid! And now, he’s shivering in the gutter: “[Obama is] in Hawaii right now,” he said. “We’re in the cold, in the rain, in the wind because we care about America.” What the hell is he talking about?

Fine, Mitt Romney. But from now on, this means you are never allowed to take a vacation to someplace warm, or even to walk inside a heated building, ever again. We’re holding you to it, Mittens!

From the LATimes:

“He’s in Hawaii right now. We’re in the cold, in the rain, in the wind because we care about America,” Romney said, speaking in the parking lot of a grocery store. “He just finished his 90th round of golf. We have 25 million Americans who are out of work, stopped looking for work or are underemployed. Home values have come down. The median income in America in the last four years has dropped by 10%.”

He dismissed the Obama administration’s contention that they stopped the recession from getting worse.

“The other day President Obama said, you know, it could be worse,” Romney said. “Sounds like Marie Antoinette, ‘Let them eat cake.’ ”

Another pro-tip: you may want to try a reference a little more recent and a little more geographically proximate than 18th-century France when you want to “appeal to the little people” next time, Mittens. Maybe something about Justin Bieber and all the Canucks come to steal the good-paying jerbs. [LA Times]

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  • Barb

    I bet you $10,000.00 this comes back to bite Mitt in the ass.

  • comrad_darkness

    The money clip apparently glitters more brightly against the dark skinned hand.

  • PeaceWithHonor

    For once I agree with Mittens. Just plain common.

  • comrad_darkness

    Romney is also never ever allowed to visit his home state, since that is apparently all elitist and shit.

    • V572 the Merciless

      But he can visit his beachfront properties in San Diego and New Hampshire, as these are his "homes." Seems fair.

    • Considering the former Romney mansion in Detroit is now demolished, I don't think he'll be going there anytime soon. And he'd just as soon be seen {insert horrible thing here} as going back to the D…

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        I guess the current owner didn't have a high school diploma, or forgot to get married.

        • tessiee

          Apparently the entire city of Detroit doesn't have a high school diploma, and/or didn't get married.

    • sj660

      Yeah, in GOPworld Hawaii isn't part of America. That's the next line in the whole Birther thing.

    • Negropolis

      Romney only returns to Michigan when he's paid to. He couldn't care less about this state.

    • Angry_Marmot

      Elitist? We're fartin' through silk out here.

  • SexySmurf

    He’s in Hawaii right now. We’re in the cold, in the rain, in the wind, last night we ate dinner out of a dumpster behind Arby's, we sold one of my kidneys for gas money, we blew some dude at a truck stop for a nickle, because we care about America.

    • Barb

      Oh, you poor thing! I wouldn't even eat Arby's inside the restaurant, let alone out of the dumpster.

      • Arby's – It's Bad Mood Food.

        • tessiee

          Isn't Arby's the one with the giant cowboy hat that looks like a penis? Their food may be bad, but their sign is great, in a very strange way.

  • dadanarchist

    Mittzpah (n.) – A Republican attempt to engage in class warfare by yelling, "Hey, look over there, that black dude's got money!"

    • Nothingisamiss

      Ok, yes.

    • MzNicky

      This. This right here. Yes.

    • Beowoof

      And next thing you know he will be buying bling and gold for his grill. Not ripping down a perfectly good mansion so he can build a bigger one like any responsible republican would.

      • flamingpdog

        Ooooo, can't wait till Mittens get elected and tears down the White House and builds another one four times as big (with our tax dollars this time). And for historic purposes, bring in some slaves to do the rebuilding.

        • Dudleydidwrong

          And since he'll have it declared a Mormon Temple the public will only be allowed to go into the cardboard replica.

        • Judging from the fact that ten whole Republicans turned out to hear the Tag(g) team of Five Romney Sons today, I suspect Mittens will not be getting elected any time soon.

          Is it true that he's already spent ~$40 million of his own money on his election attempt so far?

          • tessiee


            You-Know-Who is positively sick with envy that she didn't think of this for one of her kids' names.

          • Positively. Where the hell do these dimbulbs get these names? Do they just draw some letters out of a velvet Scrabble bag or something?

          • tessiee

            I'd guess boggle, since she's always reminded me of a mean Peggy Hill, anyway..
            Also, her daughters haven't had ten kids each yet, so there's still potential opportunity for Tag(g), especially since it's got that Kre8Tiv spelling that the whitetrash love for their kids' names.

          • Whoever Peggy Hill is. I know, I know, Google is your friend. And, of course, each of her kids will end up with ten kids each. Polluting the gene pool, goddammit.

            If I never meet/see/hear of another Madysynne, it'll be too soon.

    • BlueMonkeh

      Win. You need to copyright that or whatever one does with these things.

    • tessiee

      "Hey, look over there, that black dude's got money!"

      As Chris Rock said, there's nothing a cracker with a penny hates more than a n****r with a nickel.

      • Rotundo_

        And thusly is the rationale of the TEA party types spelled out in the form of a joke. Rock sums it up rather succinctly doesn't he?

  • ibwilliamsi

    Could it be that President Obama was at home for Christmas instead of in Iowa because he's not in a three way tie for the nomination of his party?

    • MzNicky

      I am so fucking tired of these fucking fuckers whining about Obama "vacationing in" Hawaii. It's. his. home. state., you. fucking. mother. fuckers. And it's not like he's got five or six estates/compounds sprinkled around the mainland, like certain other silver-spoon-mouthed motherfuckers. Fuck them, I hate these fucking fucks.

      • jakegittes
      • miss_grundy

        I love your posting, but could you find a way to use fuck, fucking and fuckers just about a hundred more times each. Because that is the way I feel about these fucky, fucking fuckers. Thank you!

    • Could it be that President Obama is "vacationing in Hawai'i" because he's actually, you know, GOING HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS???

      • snackypants

        Going to Hawaii LIKE HE DOES EVERY YEAR!?!?!

        • Ya know?

          Ever since that dumbshit — was it Cokie Roberts? Was it really Cokie goddamned Roberts? — made all those stupid, stupid remarks about "vacationing" in "exotic" Hawai'i, it's like the media has reset to zero on the whole issue. COLD BOOT!! Fuckwits.

    • tessiee

      "President Obama was at home for Christmas instead of in Iowa because he's not in a three way"

      Huh what?
      Sorry, my attention wandered there for a moment.

      • You got a crush on him too, huh? Well, take a number and get in line, girl.

        • tessiee

          OK, I will use the time wisely by thinking of who will be the other person in the three-way.
          A blondie would be nice, just for the sake of variety.
          How 'bout that blondie with the nice abs, Matthew McConnahey or however ya spell it? He's cute, and between him and Obama put together, there are two normal IQs.

          • Yulia Tymoshenko? Long blonde hair, and lots of it.

  • friendlyskies

    If Mitt gets elected, are we going to have to change the name of the plane to Douche Force One?

    • flamingpdog

      Mebbe Heir Force One?

      • ShaveTheWhales

        Oooh, good. But we shoulda done that for Dumbya.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          He flew on Heir Farce One.

      • Hair Force One? I mean, lately, that stylishly coiffed tousle is just SCREAMING expensive product.

    • Angry_Marmot

      It would make press conferences more interesting: "Mr. President, Douce says what?"

    • cheetojeebus

      5…4….3…2…1..Douche nozzles are go!

    • Mort_Sinclair

      And the plane will have a pet crate strapped to the roof in honor of Seamus. The Romneys are sentimental that way.

    • Douché


  • PuckStopsHere

    I wonder how many of those 25 million Mittens personally put out of work. That's what I wonder.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      All of … no wait, that would be unfair.

      LOTS of them, Katie.

    • When Obama drops that number on him during the first debate, it's gonna be sweeeeeet.

    • angerbear

      Hey, gutting those companies and throwing thousands of workers into the street gave him the money he needed to hire a new housekeeping staff for his Costco-sized vacation home in La Jolla, ergo he's a job creator. Can't you do simple math?

    • HedonismBot

      I put my mittens out of work when I bought a pair of gloves.

      • tessiee

        If only it were that easy to put Mitt out of work (well, not that he's ever actually worked, but you guys know what I mean).

        • I'd buy a hundred pairs of gloves if I thought the net result would be for Mittens NEVAH to run again. Personally, I think the anti-Romney sentiment is a backlash against DECADES of watching this pandering idiot grin and posture for the cameras. I swear to god he's been in every goddamn election since god knows when.

          • tessiee

            "DECADES of watching this pandering idiot grin and posture for the cameras. I swear to god he's been in every goddamn election since god knows when"

            Newt's the same way. Twenty years from now, he'll be making the same goddamn speeches, with his blubbery jowls a little lower and a new, even more plasticized Stepford wife, but otherwise exactly the same as he was this year, and ten years ago, and twenty years ago, and etc.

          • HedonismBot

            Newt, Palin, Cain…
            Running for election (or, in Palin's case, cock-teasing supporters about the possibility of running for election) is more lucrative than actually winning an election, and with none of the responsiblity of serving in office. It's a good way to earn a fantastic living by doing absolutely nothing of value.

          • Rotundo_

            Normally this would be the point where I interject with the "One of these days the money people in the GOP have to wise up to this sort of thing". But I'll be damned if I see any signs of it this time out, and with the number of half witted conservative Don Quixote types pissing money out of every hole trying to win the momentary affection of a bunch of corn-fed idiots, it seems a permanent sort of thing. Odd that rich people can part with money for such crap. You would think they would be more savvy consumers of politicians.

    • tessiee

      If you divide Mitt the Shit's personal fortune of 250 million by the 25 million people out of work, you get 10 dollars per person. It isn't much, but it would take Mitt's fortune away from him, and by golly, that's good enough for me.

      • He's got easily three times that much squirreled away, so don't worry about him suffering. Between the five strapping sons and the multiple homes and the stable-full of dressage horses, they'll be able to scrape by.

  • Bluestatelibel

    Pity the poor quarter-billionaire Willard Romney out in the cold, forced to suck up to old farm people (And sounds like he desperately needs a firmware upgrade, where's tech support when you need it.)

    • tessiee

      "he desperately needs a firmware upgrade"

      You owe me $10,000.00 for making me picture Mitt's weenus.

      • Oh, tessiee, honey! That's not FIRMware!

        • tessiee

          Hey, you're right! It's a 3 1/2 inch floppy!

    • Yeah, they only think he's a quarter-billionaire because they're not counting all the money he controls indirectly through the family trust funds and businesses. He's worth a LOT more than what shows up on paper. I mean, his wife's HOBBY is dressage horses, and she owns a STABLE FULL of them. Each of those fucking beasts costs about $100k a year in upkeep (provender, exercise, training, vet bills, HEALTH CARE. Somebody needs to ask him how come his horses have health care and he thinks people shouldn't).

      • tessiee

        "his wife's HOBBY is dressage horses, and she owns a STABLE FULL of them"

        And here I was wondering where Chris Christie was going to get all those…

        • OK, I can't take the wondering any more … all those WHAT? Meadow muffins? Prairie praties? Field flops? WHAT?

          • tessiee

            I was wondering where Chris Christie was gonna get all those severed horse heads to put in people's beds.

            There, I said it. And I'm not proud of myself, either.

          • I just feel better, knowing, yaknow? ntDewey has a terrific plush velour stuffed toy severed horse's head with little Xs for the eyes and a lolling pink tongue. At least, his daughter does. Maybe Chris Christie can settle for those. Be a lot cheaper than trying to break into Ann Romney's stables in their "little cottage" in New Hampshire.

      • miss_grundy

        Because people aren't _horses_.

        • Ah, yeah, and?

          • miss_grundy

            And since billionaires only care about their own stuff, they will treat it a lot better. That is why Mittens and Bootsy care more about their horses than they care about ordinary people. Perhaps people should call themselves horses and then they would have health care.

  • Steverino247

    Obama's response should be taken from Voltaire: I always made one prayer to God, a very short one. Here it is: "O Lord, make our enemies quite ridiculous!" God granted it.

    • I love that.

    • dadanarchist

      Quoting a dead, atheist French intellectual? The GOP attack ad writes itself.

      • tessiee

        I kinda like, "Men will never be free until the last king is strangled with the entrails of the last priest", but it probably wouldn't be the better part of wisdom for Obama (or any politician) to quote it.

        • dadanarchist

          I always liked the updated version graffittoed all over the walls of the Sorbonne by the rebellious French students during May '68:

          Humanity won't be happy till the last capitalist is hung with the guts of the last bureaucrat!

    • Limeylizzie

      Je t'aime.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      And while he's at it, he can dismiss GOPtard attacks:
      "Let it pass that I was flogged, for I was flogged by the Bulgarians."

      • Chichikovovich

        Ah, you just have a soft spot for ol' Francois Marie, since even on his deathbed, he didn't want you and he to be enemies.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          For a good guy, he was a pretty good guy. I miss him.

          Also, he probably wouldn'd mind if Obama altered it to "flogged by vulgarians."

          • poncho_pilot

            credit is due the Vulgarians, however. it's hard to flog someone when you have such short fingers.

          • And it's not as if Donald makes up for it with his tongue, either.

          • poncho_pilot

            i think the Tribble familiar atop his head is pressed into unwilling service, too.

            t's a third hand!
            it's a jizz sock!
            it a third hand and a jizz sock!

            poor little thing! someone should call the ASPCA on that lazy mutt. The Turmp, that is. quoth the Tribble, "Nevermore!"

    • Indeed, it's almost enough to make an atheist believe in God. Or set a conspiracy theorist thinking. It's as if the Republicans have conspired to find the worst among them, the stupidest, craziest, flightiest, most inconsequential idiots they could put up to create a circus so Obama could walk into his next victory without raising a sweat.

      • tessiee

        Well, crap, it's not like any of them want the job cleaning up the various messes that this country is in.

        • True enough. I remember POTUS, when he won, saying something along the lines of "What was I thinking?"

    • tessiee

      Obama's response could be taken from Voltaire, since he at least knows who Voltaire is, but what I'd really like is if Mitt or one of the other ankle-biting chihuahuas made one of their patented idiotic remarks, and Obama turned to them, looked them square in the eye, and calmly said:
      "Kiss my black ass".

      And then, you know like in that movie, "The Sports Team that Wasn't Any Good, but Then They Got Better and Won the Big Game", where first there's a big silence, then one person stands up applauding, then another, and then another, and pretty soon the whole stadium is on its feet applauding and cheering and yelling and hugging each other and it just goes on and on? That would happen.

  • SorosBot

    Actually, it's fairly pleasant for late December on the East Coast right now. Oh, and why the fuck is Mittens trying to sound like a populist when he, along with the entire Republican party, supports policies that would actively hurt the poor, working and middle classes to the benefit of the ultra-rich like himself?

    • Steverino247

      I hate to break it to you, but they're been doing that since at least the 1930's…

      • Beowoof

        Oh I think it goes back further than that, see antitrust laws from 1890.

        • Angry_Marmot

          Railroads are people too, my friend…

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          It's the same shit that Teddie Roosevelt had to battle against. Probably a never-ending battle, for as long as we have greedy rich pricks among us.

        • Negropolis

          I always tell people that as bad as it was, back then, at least the fucking robber-barons built shit. We've got railroads and telephone systems and light bulbs to show for it. What do we have to show for it, now?

    • yyyaz

      Perhaps he has had one or two 5-minute conversations with some of Winston Churchill's "average voters." This doesn't make him an iota less of a cultist pus sac, though.

    • MzNicky

      Because he's a soulless craven quasi-human, destined to roam the earth with no sense of purpose nor hope of anything resembling a meaningful existence?

      • Bluestatelibel

        You can say that again, the guy just doesn't seem human. I keep waiting for the Alien monster baby to burst out of his chest. Hopefully it'll be on teevee. Either that or he was invented by the Japanese as one of their hilarious "jokes."

      • Quasi-humans are people, my friend!

      • poncho_pilot

        he's a Kirby Vacuum Cleaner salesman?

    • flamingpdog

      Stop making sense, Soros. You'll never be selected to fill the VP spot* on the Romney ticket that way.

      *I was gonna say "#2 spot".

      • ShaveTheWhales

        No, Santorum already has that licked up.

      • Way too many competitors to be #2 in the GOP.

        • An_Outhouse

          There's an opening for Al-Queda #3.

          • Yeah, but you know, that job has an awful high turnover.

            But you know what? I'll bet every single one of these Repuglykkklan slimeballs would happily join al-Qaeda if they thought they could be POTUS as a result.

    • NYNYNYjr

      Iowa's got a crappy winter. I bet he wishes he was on East Coast. All the nothing-to-do get's really cold and windy out there.

  • Doesn't this asshole own a waterfront mansion in Southern CA, the size of which was recently quadrupled? So his property values are going up, anyways.

    • And another mansion in a pricey corner of New England that his wife incoveniently referred to as their "little place in [insert name of pricey community." They appear to share a humongous tin ear.

      • poncho_pilot

        it's actually a humongous golden ear that Joseph Smith unearthed outside of Salt Lake City. you have to use the giant golden wax lips to talk to it, though.

        • Zardoz? For some reason, I keep seeing Sean Connery in a diaper. No?

          • poncho_pilot

            one of the best Halloween costumes i've ever seen: someone as Zardoz at a party a couple of years ago. unfortunately for that gentleman, i was one of the only guests who recognized it. extra props to him for the fact that it was about 28 degrees out.

          • Chichikovovich

            Most people thought he was coming as David Vitter?

          • poncho_pilot

            it was kind of a hipster party so no one would know who either Vitter or Zardoz were. but once they do find out, they'll have been into them before they were cool.

    • An_Outhouse

      The new compound has been declared a Mormon missionary outpost so its non-profit. No property taxes.

  • Callyson

    How dare Obama act all uppity. You'd think the figures for first time UI claims were not dropping steadily, that the leading economic indicators were not on the rise, and that the Greedy One Percent's obstructionism had NOTHING to do with the slowing of the economic recovery…

  • Nothingisamiss


    is like


    So, no follow up from anyone.

    • tessiee


      is like"

      Ooh, I like this game! Can I play?

      Newt:sex appeal

      OK, your turn.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba


      • Palin:self-respect?

  • ttommyunger

    You know deep down Mittens loathes the cretins he has to suck up to in Iowa. My head hurts when I think of how bad he must want Obama's job. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy knowing he'll never, ever get it.

    • V572 the Merciless

      Remember Obama in Iowa in '07, telling a confused crowd how he sympathized with their plight because he knows what it's like to see price of arugula at Costco go up week after week?

      I loves Hopey, but he's kinda lacking the common touch too.

      • Mahousu

        You got the point of the anecdote rather mixed up.

        • V572 the Merciless

          I miss many things (e.g., it was Whole Foods, not Costco), but wasn’t the point of that incident that Obama didn’t understand his bucolic audience? “Mr. Obama, perhaps sensing a lack of reaction from the crowd, moved along to the next topic.”

      • Bluestatelibel

        But Obama's got the baby infant bloc locked up – those babies sure love him.

        Obama without a doubt has charisma, even when you're pissed at him, you still like him. Mittens on the other hand seems like he was born on a cold, cold planet in a far distant galaxy.

        • Unlikable. Robotic, mechanized, herky-jerky, machine-gunning his humanoid talking points like Talk Bullets that don't hurt but just annoy.

          • Dudleydidwrong

            I've never quite seen anyone like Romney, who appears as if someone has to drop a quarter in some slot in his back to make him function for 15 more minutes. Romney makes Al Gore look all charismatic and bubbly.

          • tessiee

            "I've never quite seen anyone like Romney, who appears as if someone has to drop a quarter in some slot in his back to make him function for 15 more minutes."

            Then I'm guessing you're too young to remember Nixon, and his robot-with-blown-circuits affect and body language.

          • snackypants

            Automaton libel!

        • Even when I didn't know who the guy was, and I was supporting Hillary Clinton very strongly back then, I liked him. He has a rare warmth and charm that comes across, and you can definitely see it in the way babies act around him. If babies voted, he'd be a lock for at least four more years.

          The Mittbot, OTOH, is beyond tone-deaf. I don't dislike him, I don't like him, I just don't have any kind of an emotional reaction to him other than {cringe}. Like when he said "Who let the dogs out?" to those black folks at his factory photo op. I mean, who says stuff like that? He's got that weird, geeky, half-a-beat-off rhythm that makes everybody else not want to dance at all.

          • tessiee

            "He's got that weird, geeky, half-a-beat-off rhythm that makes everybody else not want to dance at all."

            Very well put.
            Dave Barry once described himself and his friends at some concert they went to as middle-aged white guys, "Who not only couldn't manage to clap on the beat, but also, somehow, no matter how eternally long the song went on, couldn't even manage to clap at the same time".

      • Negropolis

        Remember how when Romney was born it was with a silver spoon in his mouth (one which was never removed) to a wealthy corporate exec-turned-governor?

        • V572 the Merciless

          Really. When it comes to discomfort among The Great Unwashed, Mittens is the class leader.

      • Difference being that you *can* buy arugula at Costco (depending on your local Costco's policies and your state), and if folks in Iowa don't get that, it's because most of their vegetables, other than corn, are boxed, frozen, canned, breaded, fried, gray, and covered in cheese food.

        • tessiee

          You guys, arugula is *not* at all expensive! I don't know whether it sounds fancy because it's a "foreign" word, or what, but it's like saying that somebody is stuck-up or elitist because they eat *collard greens*, for god's sake!

          Oh, sorry.
          I forgot for a moment that "elitist" is now the dog whistle for "uppity", and that, because Obama is the President of the United States (elected, yet!), therefore everything he thinks, does, and says is "elitist".
          Carry on.

          • As my Italian friends from NJ pointed out to me, arugula is the stuff their grandmas used to grow in the backyard and cook for the family, along with another (now-gourmet) vegetable known as rapini. Back when she went shopping with her grandma, they were known as "rocket greens" and considered "poor-people" food because they grew like weeds, self-seeded prolifically, and were considered super-nutritious and healthy. POOR PEOPLE FOOD,folks. EVERYBODY et them till the yuppies discovered them they didn't just always call it "arugula," which sounds kinda Gourmet-food-magazine-y. It's like poke salad. Foraged wild mushrooms. Poor folks' food.

          • tessiee

            Oh, for shit's sake! Rapini is "gourmet" now, too?
            *shakes head*
            *pinches bridge of nose*
            I tells ya, I shoulda seen it coming when the fancy restaurants started serving polenta. It's *cornmeal mush*, and it's for people who are even too poor to afford macaroni!

            And yes, my NJ Italian family had both arugula and rapini, because, as you quite rightly point out, they were cheap, nutritious, and easy to grow in the backyard. We also picked dandelion greens to put in the salad. Little did I know, when I was a kid making a face at the bitter greens, with the nearest relative pointing a fork at me and hissing, "You EAT THAT!!", that I was being elitist.

          • My neighbour gave me some out of her garden. I stuck it in the fridge. Damn thing sprouted *roots* and happily survived being stuck in a pot, severely underwatered, and going to seed. It's going to survive the nuclear holocaust right along with cockroaches.

            This "eat bitter greens, they're good for ya" thing is an international grandmother conspiracy, obvy. Mine used to make us eat those bitter melons to ward off diabetes. Your pancreas just curls up and runs away in despair after a mouthful.

          • under_score


            My NJ Italian mother hates polenta, no doubt for the very reason you point out, but still loves her elitist greens. She was cool before it was cool, says I.

            (signing off to broccoli rabe on the grocery list)

          • I knew there was another yuppie name for rapini, I just couldn't remember it! The first time I ever ate any was at the house of an Italian friend from Italy. He pulled some out of the garden and sauteed it in olive oil with a little bit of garlic and some crushed red pepper flakes — alla Arabiatta, I think, is what he called it — salt, and pine nuts. Very tasty. This year I have seeds of several Italian varieties of vegetables I'm putting out in the garden. Much richer in flavour than the All-American varieties which seem to be bred to survive all US climates rather than for taste or nutritional qualities.

            And yeah, I have other Italian friends who won't eat polenta because they consider it poor folks' food. A diet high in cornmeal does result in various vitamin deficiency diseases, so they knew whereof they spoke.

      • ttommyunger

        Face it Obe Wan, he's our ONLY hope.

        • V572 the Merciless

          Don't forget Buddy Roehmer!No, actually you can forget him. He makes too much sense to be a Republican.

          • ttommyunger

            Reason enough to ban him to the outer fringes of the GOP.

    • Mahousu

      I think deep down Mittens must loathe himself more than anyone.

      Well, assuming he's an actual human being. Which admittedly is quite a stretch.

      • ttommyunger

        Well I've certainly grown to loathe him over the last few months. He has shown himself to be a master-panderer and egregious asshole. I thinks his sons are as one-dimensional as their dad, too, for that matter.

        • You have *such* a way with words, ttommy. "Master-panderer and egregious asshole" sounds like a handy-dandy description of that worthless bloodsucking sod.

          • ttommyunger

            My muse moves me at times. Much thanks.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      "Deep down"? I'd say the loathing is barely below the surface. He doesn't even talk a good "common-clay" game. God forbid they show him a laser scanner.

      • You know he'll just chase it.

      • tessiee

        "He doesn't even talk a good "common-clay" game. God forbid they show him a laser scanner."

        Nail. Head.

      • ttommyunger

        You are correct, sir. He seems consummately ill at ease among the common clay; you know, morons.

    • tessiee

      "You know deep down Mittens loathes the peasants he has to suck up to in Iowa."


      • ttommyunger

        Don't want trouble with you, t; but I've seen too many of these Republicans on the toob professing their adoration for Santorum, Bachmann and the rest of that motley crew. Peasants we all are, unless we are Romney's tax bracket, these poor fucks in the Iowa Republican Caucus are fucking Cretins, or racists.

        • Rotundo_

          If you are not one of the well to do and still voting republican regardless of geographical location, you are a cretin or racist. If you are well off you still are racist, but you just sort of laugh all the way to the bank as the suckers (Al Swearingen referred to them as "Hoopleheads" in Deadwood on HBO a few years back) keep electing people that fuck them over. The sad part is that they really think that they are electing patriotic defenders of the constitution, of course, we all have been had in that department of late. So long Habeus Corpus…

          • ttommyunger

            …Due Process, Right to Speedy Trial, confrontation of hostile witness, etc. etc. etc….

  • Callyson

    Romney was accompanied by New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie…
    “I’m in a good mood this morning, I’m feeling happy and upbeat,” he said, before warning: “If you people disappoint me on Tuesday, you don’t do what you’re supposed to do on Tuesday for Mitt Romney, I will be back Jersey-style, people, I will be back.”
    WWTSD–What would Tony Soprano do?

    • Fly a New Jersey State Police chopper to drop off a suspiciously human-sized "delivery" at a landfill in Ho-Ho-Kus.

    • You gotta problem wid dat?

      • tessiee

        Yeah, but only because the body… um, I mean "basket of laundry"… isn't Chris Christie's.
        Then again, if it had been, the helicopter never would've gotten off the ground.

    • flamingpdog

      Chris, you're too freakin' FAT to be channeling Ah-nuld.

    • Beowoof

      So Chris is offering to show up and treat Iowans to some mafia style beatings and murder. Thanks Chris, just what I thought the republican party was all about.

    • James Michael Curley

      After two years of Christie I dug a moat around the sides and back of my ocean front postage stamp sized property. I now tell people; "Me? I dahn't livin Joisey, I gotta small island offa'da coast."

    • ShaveTheWhales

      What, he's threatening to sit on them?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Christie would take the cannoli.

    • raygotaway

      Will he eat them with anti-pasta?

      • tessiee

        Is that the Satan of the Church of the FSM?

    • tessiee

      So, where is Chris Christie going to find enough severed horse's heads for everyone in Iowa?

      • not_that_Dewey has an excellent source for plush velvet huggable toy dead horse heads …

    • tessiee

      "Romney was accompanied by New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie…"

      Those two *really* need to fuck and get it over with.

      • Fukui_SanYesOta

        I believe you owe me $10,000 for that mental image.

        • tessiee

          I think at least some of the blame needs to go to Wonkette, for that picture they ran a few weeks ago of Mittens and Chubby standing in a motel room making fuck eyes at each other.

          However, I would like to atone for reminding everyone.
          Please accept this tray of delicious mini-quiches (with arugula filling!) in lieu of cash.

          • Back in my day, young woman, we used to refer to it as "making sheep's eyes at each other."

            "Making fuck eyes" sounds ever so much ruder.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      So…Christie is trying to make an offer we can't refuse, while Romney is making an offer we can't understand. GOP, FTW!

  • AlterNewt

    Poor little fella.

  • In the world of Mittens, Hawaii is an exotic foreign country full of Nips and grass-skirted darkling hula dancers and no one ever, like, GREW UP THERE as a kid and would like to go back home once in a while for vacation.

    • Yes, and in the world of Jukesgrrl, nobody ever grew up with a governor for a father, made a fortune putting people out of work, bought houses from one coast of the US to the other, and then expected those same people to make him president because he put on a good Olympics.

    • Crank_Tango

      But plenty of mormons at least, so they're not all naked savages anymore.

    • It's not really vacation if you're going home. (sigh)

      This is the first year I haven't gone home, the first time in over 30 years. And no, it never felt like a vacation.

  • BarackMyWorld

    I'm having a really hard time finding out how the party is assigning delegates this year.

    Aren't more of the Republican primaries assigning proportional delegates this time? John McCain could get 100% of the delegates from primary states while only getting 35% of the vote, but this year he'd only get 35% of the delegates from a 35% win.

    Right now, the political press is obsessed with each candidate's public image and ignoring the real mechanics of the process. With this big of a change in the rules of the game, no one is examining the outcome, and they are making assumptions based on an outdated understanding of the system.

    • McCain could pull it off again this year!

    • yyyaz

      Like you expect the LSM to do actual reporting and shit, BMW? Good one.

    • Beowoof

      I think it means we could be listening to this shit till sometime in April.

    • Negropolis

      Proportional representation only has the effect of making the game longer. I honestly don't think it changes things, much. If anything, it favors the guy with the most money, and thus the most staying power.

    • So they say, and you're quite correct, no political analyst that I've read so far seems to be analysing the possibilities and the effect of the changed rules. Let me know if you come across anyone who's actually specifically addressing the issue.

  • Rotundo_

    If someone told Mitt that wearing size 32 AAA multicolored loafers, a patchwork coat and pants and squirting prospective voters with one of those squirting daisy things while wearing greasepaint and a red ball nose, the fucker would become a living Red Skelton painting in a millisecond. The pandering and horseshit used to be amusing, it is now amazing and on its way to legendary. When this ass did his gig as a missionary for the LDS church, what the fuck did he promise the converts? "You know those golden plates and stuff- I have them at home and can tell you what Moroni had to say about your future."

    • Doktor Zoom
    • yyyaz

      Don't you suspect, even a teensy-weensy little bit, that Joe-bob Smith was giving his own flock the finger when he came up with the name "Moroni"?

      • tessiee

        I'm borrowing here, but Joseph Smith isn't all that impressive as names go, either.
        1st Guy: We're starting a new church to follow our prophet.
        2nd Guy: Who is your prophet?
        1st Guy: Joe Smith.
        2nd Guy: OK, then! See ya!

      • I've always thought that, and I read about the Mormons at the tender age of eight or nine, as I recall.

    • flamingpdog

      The Mittster did 30 months of missionary duty in FRANCE!!! According to the Wiki, "Romney developed a lifelong affection for France and its people, and speaks French." Mormon SOCHULISZT!

      • ShaveTheWhales

        I don't have the facts to back this up, but I'll bet $10,000 internet dollars that Willard has actually vacationed in France.

      • Dudleydidwrong

        Mittshit admitted sometime back that in his months of missionary work in France he converted zero French people to the loony bin religion of his. Shows good sense on the part of the French. Maybe Mitt spent the whole of his missionary years in the missionary position.

        • flamingpdog

          LIke the French are going to go all nuts over a religion that doesn't let you drink alcohol or coffee or smoke cigarettes.

          • Like *anybody* who enjoys life is going to want to convert to a religion that essentially believes women and nonwhite people can never achieve the highest levels of spiritual worthiness and attainment, or that those things that make life truly joyous, like consciousness-altering substances and fine tasting liqueurs and fucking one's brains out are not cool.

        • As a bottom.

    • Barrelhse

      Thumbs and Macaroni. Some religion.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Yikes! Luckily Mittens had Chris Christie blocking the worst of the wind and rain.

    • And believe me, don't EVER get downwind of Chris Christie!

      • Blueb4sunrise

        Is that why Annie R. has that puzzled but bordering on disgusted look?

    • Beowoof

      And I would have thought Christie was emitting the worst wind.

    • tessiee

      "Mittens had Chris Christie blocking the worst of the wind and rain"

      Unfortunately, Chris kept distracting Mitzi by yelling "GET IN MA BELLY!!"

  • He’s in Hawaii right now. He just finished his 90th round of golf. We have 25 million Americans who are out of work, stopped looking for work or are underemployed."

    Sounds like class warfare to me.

  • Doktor Zoom

    Yeah Mitt, soooo, I'm reading All the Devils are Here: The Hidden History of the Financial Crisis, which has a thing or two to say about how we got into this mess. Guess what? It didn't have anything to do with where the President went on vacation, or what the weather was like in Iowa.

    Now, bloated greedheads like you treating the entire economy like their own personal floating poker game? Yeah, that had a lot to do with it.

    • Radiotherapy

      I'm reading Winner-Take-All Politics — How Washington Made the Rich Richer — And Turned Its Back on the Middle Class
      I got it for Solstice. How we got into this mess, the top 1%, and worse yet the top 0.1%, and how they've had ALL the gains of the last 30 years. No thanks to Romney, Schumer or the Bush-Obama tax cuts. Excerpts to follow.

      • Oh, my. Already next year's reading list is at 300. I despair some more.

    • Radiotherapy

      As promised:
      Practically every aspect of labor and financial markets is shaped by government policy, for good or ill. As the great political economist Karl Polanyi famously argued in the 1940's, even the ostensibly freest markets require the extensive exercise of the coercive power of the state — to enforce contracts, to govern the formation of unions, to spell out the rights and obligations of corporations, to shape who had the standing to bring legal actions, to define what constitutes an unacceptable conflict of interest, and on and on. The libertarian vision of a night-watchman state gently policing and unfettered free market is a philosophical conceit, not a description of reality.
      The intertwining of government and markets is nothing new. The frontier was settled because government granted land to the pioneers, killed, drove off, or rounded up Native Americans, created private monopolies to forge a nationwide transportation and industrial network, and linked the land settled with the world's largest postal system. Similarly, the laissez-faire capitalism of the early twentieth century was underpinned by a government that kept unions at bay, created a stable money supply, erected trade barriers that sheltered the new manufacturing giants, protected the entrepreneurs from debtors' prison and corporations from liability, and generally made business the business of government.
      When the political economy of the Gilded Age collapsed, it was government that reinvented American capitalism. With the arrival of the New Deal, the federal government took on a much more active role in redistributing income through the tax code and public programs. But the activist state emerged did not just involve a new layer of redistribution. It fundamentally recast the national economy through the construction of a new industrial relations system, detailed and extensive regulation of corporations and financial markets, and a vast network of subsidies to companies producing everything form oil to soybeans. It also made huge direct investments in education and research — the GI Bill, the National Science Foundation the National institutes of Health — promoting the development of technological innovations and a skilled workforce that continue to drive American economic productivity.
      And so it is with today's winner-take-all economy. Redistribution through taxes and transfers — or rather its absence — is only part of the story, and not even the biggest part. Even the word "redistribution" is symptomatic of the pervasive distortions in contemporary discussion. It suggests the refashioning of a natural order by meddling politicians, a departure from market rewards. But the treatment of the market as some pre-political state of nature is a fiction. Politicians are there at the creation, shaping the "natural" order and what the market rewards. Beginning in the late 1970's, they helped shape it so more and more of the rewards go to the top.
      Beyond the stunning shifts in taxation already described, there were three main areas where government authority gave a huge impetus to the winner-take-all economy: government's treatment of unions, the regulation of executive pay, and the policing of financial markets.

      FUCK FÖX and the 1%.

      • How do you people ever manage to get done all the reading required for work AND keep up with contemporary reading? I'm still reading books I bought YEARS ago! And I'm a VERY fast reader! How the fuck do you do it?

      • tessiee

        "Beginning in the late 1970's, they helped shape it so more and more of the rewards go to the top."

        Maybe I'm giving them too much credit for competence here, but it's at least possible that the Ronnie Rayguns and Jesse Helmses and Strom Thurmonds who were at the peak of their power in the 70s were trying to reverse the social and political progress made in the 60s and get "their" country back the only way they could, since they'd failed miserably at the whole "hearts and minds" thing.

    • Thank you. I'm putting that on the reading list.

      Upfists, also.

    • Buckminster

      "Corporations are people," my sweet, spotty bottom! Thank a few wise solons in Montana for saying, "Ain't necessarily so." Yeah for our little state (fewer than a million people and so politically insignificant everyone forgot us, except Obama, who visited here twice in 2008. )

  • Nobama's not actually on the golf course, he's actually re-photoshopping the REAL birth certificate, just in case somebody gets a hold of it.

  • I bet Obama strapped his stupid dog to the roof of Air Force One, too!

    • There's a Kennedy joke in there, but I'm not going for it. I have too much class.

    • Negropolis

      I shouldn't be laughing at the visual, but Bo hurtling through the air atop Air Force One thousands of feet above the earth is cracking me up.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Bo is the sort of dog that would love the ride … 'cept maybe for the -50 degrees, lack of oxygen, and 500 mph wind.

        • Negropolis

          He'd much prefer a ride atop a nuclear submarine given that's he a waterdog, and all.

          • You're enjoying this topic, aren't you?

            Reminds me of dear ol' Dad imagining what a nice accent rug our family spaniel would (eventually) make.
            (Anything to make his daughter squeal in protest!)

          • I tell the cats something similar every time they hit my buttons: Y'all would look so nice as a pair of fur-lined boots for a midget. I'm just SAYIN'!

            They ignore me anyway.

  • We have 25 million Americans who are out of work.

    And what did you get rich at Bain Capital doing?

    Oh, right. Closing factories, looting pension funds, and laying off workers.

    Die in a fire, Mittens.

    • Beowoof

      Too nice, festering anal warts is my hope.

  • MzNicky

    Oh FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU Mittens you fucking fucktard. FUCK YOU. That's all.

    • gullywompr

      Gotta give you a thumb for quoting from the classics, of which one never grows tired.

    • My sentiments exactly.

  • fartknocker

    Mittens has apparently forgot about American Pad and Paper. He took a $5 million company and in 9 years bankrupted it, causing the loss of 385 workers while Bain Capital took in over $100 million in fees. Yeah, that's fucking leadership I want in the White House.

    He's nothing but a pandering vote seeking goat fucker.

    • NYNYNYjr

      How do you get 100 mill in fees from a 5 mill$ company? Sounds like genius.

      • It's simple–leverage the fuck out of the original company–Ampad purchased from Mead Corp.–borrow to pay Bain management fees and Bain investors plus buy another company, close the original company, rinse and repeat.

        • NYNYNYjr

          That's over my head. I like how they borrow and take profits and stick everyone else with the real losses. But they can say, we lost too, because we had so much stock. But their asses are set.

          • Since they've leveraged any real value right out of the company and into their own personal pockets, the rest is just paper wealth that moves around from one set of company books to the other. By the time the company is finally sold, any real worth it ever had is buried alive in tons of unearned "management fees" which mostly comprise management by attrition — identify the best-selling product, fire all workers not working directly on that product, provide only minimum support for all the products being "phased out," and then set up that single product or product line, with a skeleton support force, to be sold at a price that covers existing "management fee debt." Rinse, repeat. They ripped off shareholders along the way too.

    • flamingpdog

      “I’m in a good mood this morning, I’m feeling happy and upbeat,” said Chris Christie.

      Soundz like he ate the goat after Mitt finished fucking it.

    • HedonismBot

      (Irish accent)
      They coulda called me Mitt the Bankrupter, but no.
      They coulda called me Mitt the Dog Abuser, but no.
      Ya fuck one goat…

  • It's hard to throw snowballs accurately when wearing silk mittens.

  • memzilla

    Mitt, how about you go to one of those quaint cozy picturesque Iowa diners and let us serve you a nice steaming bowl of shut the f**k up?

  • DaRooster

    Poor Mitt… always freezing, cold and hungry… he has my vote.

  • samsuncle

    That smarmy repugnant motherfucker just leaves me snarkless.

  • Schmannnity

    I've seen him in a flannel shirt and jeans. He must speak for the common man. What better proof can the guy provide?

    • Beowoof

      The sad part is the flannel shirt and jeans are from the Brooks Brothers Common Man Collection. For 1%ers who want slum with the folks.

      • And for his encore he'll borrow Hollywood Fred Thompson's truck.

    • flamingpdog

      Ask him if he'll have a beer with you at the local bar.

      • Schmannnity

        Ha! Trick Mormon question. Not even coffee at Starbucks.

        • Negropolis

          Or tea at Tim Horton's.

    • Sure he wears flannel, but does he drive a truck like Scott Brown?

      • flamingpdog

        Oh gawd, you just put an image of Mitt Romney posing naked for a magazine centerfold into my head! Screw the brain bleach, I need brain sulfuric acid!!!

        • It could never happen. Take the pants off and it just looks like the bottom half of C-3PO.

    • The $800 haircut-with-built-in-tousle?

  • Radiotherapy

    What, no references about Michelle's fat ass? Romney is such a middling wuss.

    • FlyOverGirl

      What a slacker. No wonder Ron Paul's nearly tied with Mitt's lazy ass tonight.

  • BarackMyWorld
    • Schmannnity

      You're makin' it rain in the club.

  • "Excuse me, *ahem* but who allowed the canines to breach the backyard fence?"

    • tessiee

      "Tearing the roof of the sucker is the order of the day."

    • And as they squirmed uncomfortably, he finished off with "Who? Who?", making YouTube watchers and cameraman alike cringe with the sheer uncoolth of it all.

      • tessiee

        Well, he could do like the hipsters and drink PBR
        [Thurston Howell voice] as though one were poor
        [back to normal voice] but since he can't, he has to find other ways to prove he's *cringe* down with the people.

    • tessiee

      I can hardly wait until he makes his research tour of Harlem, with pen, pad, and tightly rolled umbrella handy, to take notes on the local "urban" slang.

      • Trying out new slang: Lovey, where can a n*gger get some purple drank?

  • I didn't realize love for one's country was so based in meteorology.

  • PuglyDoRight

    Oh, that's rich. (pun intended)

  • mourningnmerica

    If you are cold, just go home. You've got homes in all 50 states, bitch.

  • Negropolis

    Tell Romney he can kiss Obama's black ass, okay? Go back from whence you came, you vulgar, money-grubbing incubus.

    BTW, it seems to escape some people that Hawaii is actually a state, a state where people are actually born and grow up in (our president was one of those people), a state with its fair share of poor people, to boot. You know, Puerto Rico has great weather, too. I wonder why the island is losing population, and why its lost so many to dreary old NYC? Gawd, the stupid, she burns.

    • flamingpdog

      True story: When my oldest son went off to Hawaii for a year in 2003-2004 to go to school, my ex-father-in-law (a retired Bird Colonel and 30-year+ spook at the NSA) warned him to stay away from the native girls because they were just looking to get citizenship.

      • I didn't think it was possible to lower my opinion of the NSA, but you just did it, Pdog.

      • Oh, sweet jeebus, pdog. How do they get so painfully IGNORANT?

    • The definition of a Republican is to be ignorant of hypocrisy.

    • tessiee

      "it seems to escape some people that Hawaii is actually a state, a state where people are actually born and grow up in"

      Well, you can hardly blame Mitt for being jealous of beautfiul, warm, sunny Hawaii, since his home state is the ice-locked, broke-ass Michigan. I mean, if *your* home state was…

      *very small voice*
      oh, crap

      • I'm tellin' ya. Just get behind me. Negropolis is mostly totes cool and laid-back anyway.

  • MilwaukeeKent

    Of all the cheap, lousy ways they have to say "We don't like him because he's Black" without saying it, this whole "Extravagant! Expensive! Vacations!" GOP meme is one of the worst. Like it was cheap for W to haul half his administration and all his protection down to God-awful Crawford for six weeks at a time just so he could clear brush and neglect things like CIA memos saying "Osama Bin Laden determined to strike US".
    They're right of course, Obama should have just driven the whole family down to the Redneck Riviera in a rented RV, camping in Walmart lots on the way, like any decent American.
    Point out the hypocrisy and they'll just give you that blank "facts don't matter" stare those of us with conservative relatives are all too familiar with.

    • Hey, it's pretty warm down here on the Redneck Riviera right now. There are golf courses, too. (Well, miniature ones. Miniature Christian golf courses.)

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        I never heard about the Miniature Christians down south. Why would they have their own golf courses?

        • We call it "separate but equal" down here. Old Christian tradition.

        • user-of-owls

          Oh yeah, they're everywhere down here. They're wicked tiny but annoying as hell. All they do is whine, "Help me!" in their high squeaky voices. On the upside, they really do carry when you punt one. I had a 48-yarder yesterday. Personal best! C'mon down and kick a few yourself!

          • tessiee

            "they're everywhere down here. They're wicked tiny but annoying as hell."

            Although their singing is absolutely adorable, and I still have the lollipop.

          • You're truly *awful,* tessiee. I SO admire that in a woman.

        • Mariecohn

          Dearest, smartest Biel: I read that, and milk shot out of MY BABY's nose!

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            If you were breast-feeding at the time, that's a pretty amusing image.

          • DahBoner

            I think it's an old Lightning Hopkins song…

    • My sincere condolences.

    • tessiee

      "Of all the cheap, lousy ways they have to say "We don't like him because he's Black" without saying it, this whole "Extravagant! Expensive! Vacations!" GOP meme is one of the worst."

      It's not so much that they don't like him because he's Black (although they don't, of course), it's that they think a Black people vacation is sitting on the porch drinking malt liquor and smoking Kools, like all those pictures that used to run in Life magazine, and when they encounter a Black person who isn't a [insert convict/crackhead/pro athlete stereotype here], their tiny brains get all confused and emit that klaxon horn noise that signals an emergency.

      • Ah-WOOT! Ah-WOOT! Ah-WOOT! Ah-WOOOGAH!

        • tessiee

          Maybe "klaxon horns" isn't right.
          I meant the alarm sound on Star Trek and similar shows that goes "ENNT! ENNT! ENNT!" when the hull is breached or something, and is usually accompanied by a flashing red light.

  • Beowoof

    As the folks in Zuccoti Park, are thinking maybe the guillotine for Wall Street guys like Mitt may be the solution, the Marie Antoinette refernce could turn awkward for him.

  • El Pinche

    With a $50+ million dollar 12 sq ft home in Calif, and a $10 million vacation home in New Hampshire, Flip Flopmney has $200 million in assets. He got all this by buying out companies and putting people out of work. Yeah, this shit will come bite him in his magical underwear.

    • Radiotherapy

      Flip Flopmney — he's just like you and me.

    • tessiee

      *With a $50+ million dollar 12 sq ft home in Calif"

      Jeez, I heard that California real estate was notoriously overpriced, but that's freakin' ridiculous!

  • SexySmurf

    O/T Newter just had an Ed Muskie Moment:

    The tears flowed as the former speaker was responding to questions about his mother from a pollster and longtime political ally.

    Yep, that doesn't sound staged at all.

    (BTW, remember the good ol' days when it was wrong for men to cry in public. Can we go back to that?)

    • HarryButtle


    • Blubbering blubber. Not very attractive.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      When he shows the slightest bit of concern for anybody who's not his mother, let me know.

    • SudsMcKenzie

      Tiffanie's said he needed to square up by the end of the year?

    • Negropolis

      It was Frank Luntz. If you've ever seen the guy, you'd know how incredibly staged this was.

      • I mean, we're talking someone whose name is synonymous with focus group polling, here.

      • WootInTarnation

        "Luntz frequently tests word and phrase choices using focus groups and interviews. His stated purpose in this is the goal of causing audiences to react based on emotion."

        In front of an audience of what was it? Women? Housewives? Menopausal women between the ages of 39-54, chosen for demonstrating the top emotional reactions to Hallmark commercials in focus group testing organized and supervised by the Luntz Global LLC in monthly sessions held over a period of 3 years from 2009-2011? Snicker.

        Disclaimer: Contestants were compensated with Costco food vouchers of $15 -500 depending on degree of demonstrativeness in reactions to volume of candidate's saline efflusions. Results may vary if test is re-created outside of studio audience with non-Luntz Globall LLC-approved test subjects. Compensation limited to One (1) food voucher per emotional reaction.

    • tessiee

      "The tears flowed as the former speaker was responding to questions about his mother"

      Really, that's all it took to make that smarmy fuck cry — "yo momma"?
      Hey, Neuticles, yo momma such a ho she puts out for cheap jewelry. Oops, my bad — that's yo wife!

    • HedonismBot

      Hilz waited until right before the New Hamshire primary to cry, last cycle. The Big Cry moment is coming earlier and earlier every election. Next time around, they'll skip the 555,417,654 debates and just go right for the cry-off.
      Gentlemen, prepare your onions!

    • Buckminster

      He's just suffering from bloated repugtard syndrome. It's got his hormones all girly.

  • MilwaukeeKent

    He put his feet up on the desk and bowed to foreign leaders, never seen that before.

    • The GOP gets all upset over bowing to foreign leaders, and then we find out that one of their favorite Presidents was bending over for the mafia. Go figure.

    • Negropolis

      And his pre-teen daughters are boors, what with yawning with the mouths open. And, have you seen his wifes fat ass?

      I can't wait for the president's re-election, not because I think he's going to change, but out of pure, unadulterated spite.

      • flamingpdog

        Amen! As much disagreement and disappointment as I've had with the Prez, I do look forward to another four years of Republitard brainstem explosion.

      • Well, I still love the O-man and I want him to win because he's the best possible electable candidate out there, but even if he didn't have all that going for him, at this point I'd want him to win for the sheer joy of watching all these fuckwits eat shit and die with rage.

  • Negropolis

    Shorter Mittens Romney: "Obama is why we can't have nice things/there goes the neighborhood/the president is awfully uppity, huh?"

  • littlebigdaddy

    David Brooks just said that Paul and Santorum are underpoling. Not sure what that means. Sounds fucking painful.

    • Schmannnity

      It happens after wide stancing.

    • If there is one thing David Brooks is familiar with, it is handling polls poles.

      • I understand strange Republican politicians are always coming up to him at Beltway cocktail parties and waxing meaningful about the *ahem* cocktail weenies.

    • Radiotherapy

      Santorum is always because of underpoling.

  • Negropolis

    Please oh please oh pleases let the decrepit Ronnie Paul vanquish and smite this greed-bot on the cold, winter battlefields of Cornlandia.

    • I join in your prayer brother!

    • NYNYNYjr

      Please….for Iowa and America's dignity

    • Rotundo_

      If this comes to pass (oh, please, please, puhleeeeze, make it so) Mitt will walk with New Hampshire, then South Carolina muddies things up again. I don't see Mittens selling too well in the bible belt, so this could be an extended fumble fest. I still see Mittens as the eventual candidate, but lotsa rough and tumble before he closes. Hopefully some sincere damage and a few more embarrassing gaffes before the crown is nailed on his rich helmet-haired head.

      • Negropolis

        I keep hearing some conservatives and liberals alike with the "be careful what you wish for" belief in terms of an extended primary, and they always go back to 2008's Clinton v. Obama. What they totally never come to grips with is that both of these candidates were loved, intensely, by their party. People wanted to vote for them; they practically couldn't wait to vote for them, and after the primaries, Hillary's supporters – despite the media bullshit opinion that they'd break for the next exit – rallied behind Obama in the most genuine way.

        Romney is neither Hillary nor Obama. He goes through a tough primary, and his ass is toast.

        • Good point. I see very little true love on the Republican side of the aisle this year. But I feel their pain. The first year I got to vote my choices were Hubert Humphrey and Nixon. Oh, the pain.

          • Rotundo_

            There isn't any love for any of these characters on the republican side this year, which not only says a great deal about the candidates, but about the party in general. This should have been the opportunity of the century for them to swoop in and walk with things. I don't see the depth or the motivation in the folks on the street for them. This is a decidedly weird election already.

        • I do b'leev you're right. I've seldom seen anyone so universally hated by the very folks who are tasked with electing him.

  • HarryButtle

    I got nothin'. If there was a god, the ground would have opened up under Mittens the moment he uttered that and he'd have been devoured by demons with big, pointy teeth.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Very old-school scenario, that one … but if we do get the call, we still have the talent.

  • Come here a minute

    Rick Perry thinks President Obama should vacation somewhere more American, like Canada.

  • Mittzvah (noun) — A righteous or charitable act, such as crushing an unprofitable company while making a large fee and ushering former employees into a more viable line of work, eventually, maybe. (Usually disdainful or derogatory)

  • Tundra Grifter

    Candiates for Federal office must file a form 278 (I learned this from listening to Karl Rove). I don't know if this must only be done by nominated candidates or from everyone.

    I'm sure someone here has the answer.

    This is a personal financial statement (I think it's 8 pages – quite detailed). Even if Mittens won't cough up his income tax returns (and I hope he doesn't, because it will become a huge issue/distraction until he does it anyway) this will tell the public a great deal about his personal financial situation.

    • Line 29: How many residences do you own? Include homes, condominiums, estates, apartments, co-ops, cottages, beach houses, villas, teepees, yurts, tree houses, gate houses, and palaces. You may omit any residences in which your interest is less than 50%.

      A. 0-1.
      B. 2-10
      C. 11-50
      D. more than 50

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Read it and weep, people.

      Reads like the fucking NASDAQ/NYSE listings. Mitt's in favor of whatever the hell it takes to make stock prices rise.

      • Radiotherapy

        Shorter: the Mitt's pot calling the Obama kettle BLACK.

      • Tundra Grifter


        Well played! $68K for a "speaker's fee?" WoW!

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          That grinding sound you hear? Newt's molars.

        • And that's not the *highest* speaker's fee the asshole ever raked in, either. After a quick glance-through, it looks as if the fucker was earning up to several million per month in various such fees and emoluments.

        • If they wanted a game show host, surely Bob Eubanks would have been more economical.

          • Tundra Grifter


            Yes! Montel Williams, Monty Hall – the great Bob Barker – would all have been significantly less expensive.

            And probably any one of them would have done a much better job!

    • Rotundo_

      It will keep on getting mentioned, and after a couple of triple dog dares, he may have to do so to shut up the critics. It is a wonderful thing to hammer away at for week after week: "What is Mitt hiding, America? Every other candidate has released their information, Why won't Mitt? What could he be hiding in those documents that everyone else has released? Is Mitt Ashamed?" All you need is some deep voiced type (James Earl Jones would work nicely) and rinse, lather repeat until Mittens breaks.

  • arihaya

    yeah it's not like Obummer was born and grown up in Hawaii, or that his sister and brother in-law are living there

    Xmas is supposed to be spent with family, unless of course you are an uppity nigger

    • Uppity Nigger/Biden 2012!

      • Negropolis

        I'm so glad Biden's back on board. He's so clean and articulate. I love that old buzzard-bastard.

        • poncho_pilot

          he's like the town drunk in every old western. it's kinda hard for me to dislike him.

    • His sister, who happens to be his only living relative on his mother's side, since his mother, his grandfather, and his grandmother, of those people who loved and cared for him, have all died. Along with his father and his stepfather.

      It's amazing that they treat this President as if he existed in a vacuum; but I suppose that feeds their meme of "we know nothing about this strange (and FOREIGN) President."

      • FlyOverGirl

        Well, duh. We all know that the blacks don't have families.

        Just like (in the god forbid this happens moment) the rumors begin about Mitt's multiple wives when he's Prez.

        • With any luck, we'll never have to worry about Mittens Romneycare being prez. I don't care how many wives he wants, he's welcome to them all and more, long as he stays the hell away from the WH.

  • littlebigdaddy

    Well, he is pretty fancy for a NEGRO!

  • SudsMcKenzie

    "Hey, I knew a poor French person once, now watch this remodel".

  • Antispandex

    Leave the Mitts alone about it. Supporting all of those sister wives can't be cheap!

  • Buckminster

    Where the hell is Mittens' hobo cart? Joke, Joke not funny man.

  • Even Mittens slanders seem forced and phony. Has Mittens ever had a sincere thought in his head? Ever?

  • tessiee

    "We’re in the cold, in the rain, in the wind because we care about America,” Romney said, speaking in the parking lot of a grocery store. “He just finished his 90th round of golf. We have 25 million Americans who are out of work, stopped looking for work or are underemployed."

    I'm borrowing freely here, but:
    What the fuck do you mean "we", Lone Ranger?

  • El Pinche

    Obama in 2012 should issue an executive order just for Mittens. His 35 young healthy sons should be drafted to Afghanistan . Why waste all those perfectly capable white boys on white collar executive careers when they can be supporting our military complex. That's the least that snake oil salesman can do for this country.

  • tessiee

    "“He’s in Hawaii right now" … Romney said, speaking in the parking lot of a grocery store. “He just finished his 90th round of golf."

    I'm confused.
    Usually, when someone takes expensive vacations, sits on their ass on the beach in Hawaii, plays golf, and doesn't give a shit about any poor people, Romney and the other GOOPers can't ass-lick them *enough*, so why is Romney now deploring…

    Oh, right; the skin, the skin.

    • Yeah, what round do you suppose Boehner's on?

      • tessiee

        Boehner's POURING his 90th round.

  • BarackMyWorld

    I really hope they realize the next Republican who gets elected president is going to have to suffer through at least 4 years of "Didn't You Guys Once Criticize Obama for Doing the Exact Same Thing?" every time he decides to basically do anything.

    • Since the Republicans are not interested in *doing anything* anyway, I fail to see the problem.

      I mean, Nancy Pelosi had them on a 9-5 M-F schedule in the House, with weekends if they failed to get stuff done, and the first thing John Boehner did was change that so that the House now works three days a week.

      'Course, it doesn't look like they run the risk of getting elected anyway.

    • Chichikovovich

      Of course they will not need to suffer through anything of the sort. When the Republicans started filibustering every goddamned thing in the Senate, did any of the stenographers in "the liberal media" point out that when the Democrats were in the minority, and filibustered one or two of Bush's most lunatic judicial appointments, the Republicans threatened to eliminate the filibuster altogether [or perhaps it was just for judicial appointments, I can't remember that specific detail] ("nuclear option"), they repeated "up or down vote" as a point of principle to every microphone within arms reach, and intimated that the filibuster was unconstitutional?

      How often have our media stenographers pointed out that the debt ceiling was raised dozens of times for every past president, including a barrel and two firkins worth under the Decider, and only now are the Republicans making a fuss? Once? A few times? In contrast with the relentless message-disciplined denial-world of the Republicans and their propaganda arms Rush and Fox News, with secondary and tertiary echos rippling (via the miracle of "A says water freezes at room temperature and skeptics disagree. We'll have to leave it there") through the Blitzers and other talking reindeer grazing in their intellectual tundra? (The multiplier effect for bullshit.)

      Why has it not been pointed out, every time the Republicans make their staggeringly counter-factual "teleprompter" jokes, that Reagan and Bush used them constantly, and were genuinely lost without them? Why is it not pointed out, every time the "golf" motif comes up, that Bush II and Reagan spent more time on vacation in a year than Obama will have spent in his whole term of office, without a peep from these frauds?

      The next Republican president could have foreign national parents and no official records of a birth on American soil, make a practice of taking at least one round of golf a day, 365 days of the year, carry around a portable teleprompter and never utter a word in public except when reading it, engineer the raising of the debt ceiling once a month, and immediately upon taking office launch a massive stimulus plan, equal in size to four times what Obama's stimulus consisted in. Not only will all of these things be greeted on Fox with the orgasmic sighs of pleasure that greeted Commander Codpiece's Mission Accomplished strut, but the complete "we have always been at war with Eastasia" transformation in talking points will go completely unremarked, except perhaps for the occasional lifted verbal eyebrow from Maureen Dowd slotted in between recycled Monica Lewinsky jokes and bad puns about the latest Dowd victim's fashion choices and family black sheep.

      I guess what I'm trying to say here is that I don't think the Republicans are worried about that.

      • Feel better now, Chich? I'm feeling kinda angry.

      • Mariecohn

        Man, we're I a stenographer, my tender feelings *might* be a little bruised.

        • Chichikovovich

          Ah, I should have been careful to make clear that I'm not in any way criticizing stenography, which is a quite undervalued profession. Only that it's not the skill that should be exclusively relied on when covering national politicians or economic affairs. Just as when I describe the top-tier media as transcribing and passing on Republican fairy tales, or as craven whores, I am certainly not meaning to malign folklorists or sex workers, even the craven ones.—

          • tessiee

            How about referring to them as ventriloquist dummies instead? Everyone knows those are evil.

          • Chichikovovich

            [Huh. This one didn't come up either. Who would have thought Intensedebate could suck?]

            That's a good suggestion. But the evil dummies actually control the ventriloquists and bend the poor wretches to their will. It would have to be a kind of inoffensive, banal, docile, cutesy-pie sockpuppet like Lamb Chop. But even that wouldn't be perfect, because Shari Lewis was pretty good at the whole "keep your face stiff" thing, whereas with contemporary Lamb Chops of the press, you can always see their handlers' lips move. (That's why Fox is careful never to show one of their blatherskites in a split screen with Rupert Murdoch. It would completely ruin the illusion.)

          • Rotundo_

            Stenographer is a description that gives the press corpse far more credit than they deserve: They either take the talking points off the fax machine or off the e-mail/IM and print and recite. The more stale among them throw in some obscure baseball references now and then or some crap from when they were "sort of" journalists back in the day. As for MoDo, why she still has a gig is a true mystery: Is she doing Pinch or whatever the halfwit son is called?

          • Poke. I think it's Poke.

          • tessiee

            "the press corpse"

            Typo or Freudian slip?

      • tessiee

        if you were seriously asking "why?", I would hazard a guess that it's because, during the Reagan empire, the journalists who had the audacity to hold the Alzheimer's patient-in-chief accountable for his words and actions were slapped down, not only by St. Ronnie's staff, but by everyone else, as though it were some kind of faux pas for reporters to, you know, ASK QUESTIONS. There were also the dozens of occasions where St. Ronnie was confronted with word-for-word transcripts, audio tapes, and videotapes of his blunders, brushed them off with, "There you go again", and got an audience response of, "Awwwwww!". Even the most intrepid journalist can only have that football yanked out from under him so many times before he realizes that things aren't going to change and says, "Fuck it". It devolved from there into a political/media climate where the draft dodger could attack the military service record of the guy with three Purple Hearts, and still lose by a only small enough margin for Diebold to fix.

        …Oh, I'm so depressed now.

        • Chichikovovich

          It was mostly a rhetorical question, but yes, the pushback at individuals who ask uncomfortable questions, and at the “liberal [shakes head in exasperation] media” in general has had a big effect. You're right about thatBut there are a bunch of other things too. After all, Jack Anderson did very powerful investigative stuff, Woodward/Bernstein and the Washington Post brought down a president, the New York Times published the Pentagon Papers. Walter Cronkite turned the US against the Vietnam War. (Or so the legend has it. I was a toddler out among the howling wolves in the Canadian bush at the time.) There was huge pushback against all that stuff, and Nixon was a guy who really knew how to turn the screws. People were followed, had their tax returns audited and re-audited, psychiatrists's offices were broken into, etc.In addition to the pushback, there is the fact that back in those days, journalists really were typically outsiders who became journalists because they loved to ferret out the truth. Not that they were noble angels – Anderson was from all I've heard an incredible asshole, for example – but they were in a profession that was insecure, not all that well-paid, and not offering a lot of status. People wouldn't go into it unless they were obsessive about getting the facts and laying them out forcefully and persuasively.Now top media figures are 1% ers, or wannabes, who cherish the invitations they can get to exclusive Washington parties. They saw the banishment of Ashleigh Banfield. They know that their sweet life as an insider depends on never straying outside of understood limits.—

          • Rotundo_

            So the nutless assholes are afraid of missing the cocktail weenies and rubbing elbows with the "history makers". Sounds typical of modern "journos".

        • (Hugs tessiee) You see? You SEE what you did?

          It'll be OK, baby. You just come sit by me and help me stick pins in the Republican lineup voodoo dolls. Little dab of red paint there for the blood … THERE ya go!

          • tessiee

            *sniffles into hanky*
            Thanks; you're a pal.
            As much as I'd enjoy sticking pins into a Ronzo doll with a dyed Bob's Big Boy pompadour, Time and Nature have done a better job than I could have if I'd had a year to think about it.
            Reagan was a dumb, vicious old shit who did the brainwashing coup of the century by fooling so many people into thinking he was a nice old guy, and if he'd gotten hit by a bus, or if Hinckley had had better aim, I wouldn't have shed a tear. But for the man who evaded the consequences of his treasonous and destructive presidency by *pretending* not to remember anything to get Alzheimer's?? No one can possibly miss that that was the work of Karma.

          • I really like that thought. My Dad used to say, never lie because if your lie comes true, no one will regret it more than you. And I've noticed that, six decades later, I'm still uncomfortable enough about lying that I often make my own lies come true, if only through the psychological stress thereby generated. In the end, the old fool couldn't even remember how to wipe his own ass. His mind died before the rest of him did.

          • tessiee

            I think the old bastard had Alzheimer's somewhere areound 1968, and it didn't get noticed or diagnosed for decades because he was just so fucking dumb.

      • Dang, dood, I think I done just been topped in the ravin' rant department.

        (Lifts glass) To Chichikovovich!

    • Puffperney

      Yes, but, see, when they do it it is OK.

    • Dammit. You got a point there.

  • I can't believe this! The schmuck who got a VietNam war draft deferment because he had to go spread Mormon Jeebus IN FRANCE, the schmuck who is worth approximately THIRTY TIMES what Prez O is worth, the schmuck who won't release his tax returns because 99.59% of other Americans would be shocked to see how much money he has and how little tax he pays, especially compared to, say, the bottom 98.5%, THAT SCHMUCK is comparing Obama to Marie Antoinette? Fuck me blind, Mittens! Tone-deaf, tin-eared, lying sack o'shit. You have NEVER been cold or hungry in your fucking LIFE, and I will bet good money on that. Jeezus! A walking talking river of shit.

    • Negropolis

      This two-faced, Mammon-worshipping, devoid of all emotion, son-of-a-governor has been either auditioning for or running for president his entire life. So single-minded as he is, he has literally turned everything else in his life into political props. His family, his religion, his employment history…all for show. There is not a sincere bone in his entire, human-shaped body.

      Few things would make me happier than seeing Obama lay waste to him, killing his life-long dream, and seeing him forced to come to grips with reality.

      • Thank you. (steps inside, off the ledge)

        I was on the InterNetz before the InterNetz wuz cool, but it wasn't till we got past Lynx and pinging people's machines directly that it was possible to find the politically like-minded and, let me tell you, the Internet has been the saving of my sanity. Just knowing that I'm not the only person who sees the lizardoid under Dick Cheney's skin, or the Mittbot's obvious botness helps me believe that we *shall* overcome. I can't wait till the whole world sits up and notices what many of us have known all along — that we are led by fools and charlatans who would happily consign us all to the most painful death if it meant they could enjoy a single teaspoonful more of caviar, or a single extra sip of champagne.

        • tessiee

          "we are led by fools and charlatans who would happily consign us all to the most painful death if it meant they could enjoy a single teaspoonful more of caviar, or a single extra sip of champagne"

          Or just because they could.

          • Negropolis

            Though, while the sociopaths come in all shapes and sizes, the greed-inflicted wealthy ones are by far the most dangerous to humanity and the earth as a whole.

          • Yeah, that's what hurts the most. They do it just because they can, and bugger the suffering masses.

  • Chichikovovich

    “The other day President Obama said, you know, it could be worse,” Romney said. “Sounds like Marie Antoinette, ‘Let them eat cake.’ ”

    I've thought about this carefully, and after profound reflection and constant prayerful meditation I've come to this conclusion. What Obama (is purported by Romney to have) said sounds nothing at all like "Let them eat cake".

    Refinement: Except by a standard according to which any utterance in any Indo-European language sounds like another, if the comparison class is the shriek of a buzzsaw, or the cacophony of a belfry of agitated bats. Of course, by this measuring stick it is also correct to say:

    Professional political candidate Romney said, you know, "I like to hunt varmints, as it were". Which sounds a lot like: "Arise, you prisoners of starvation! Arise, you wretched of the earth! For justice thunders condemnation: A better world's in birth"

    Exhibit number 10,028,565 testifying to the fact that the Republicans don't even try to make sense anymore.

    • Fukui_SanYesOta

      I'm under the impression that Romney is attempting the "huge lie": portraying Obama as the elitist out-of-toucher playing golf in Hawai'i, whereas the Republicans (and specifically the Bain Capital weasel) are the party and champion of the common man.

      It's so absolutely absurd that people might actually believe it.

      When Governer Chris "Christie" Sandwiches said "I want to tell you something really clearly, I’m in a good mood this morning, I’m feeling happy and upbeat" it was exactly the same as saying "When we hang the capitalists they will sell us the rope we use"

    • PuglyDoRight

      Aside from the fact that real 'Merkins never say "as it were."

      • Chichikovovich

        Very true, that is one thing a Republican candidate (and, one hundredfold, a Democrat, it goes without saying) will get grilled for by the press: speaking in a way that makes them sound like a fancypants. (Or more exactly: makes them sound like the pampered, well-educated, country-club attending denizen of the upper crust that they are ( along with virtually every other member of the top rank of the politician/journalist class.)

        You can probably guess I'm no fan of Bush I, but I'm nonetheless to this day appalled at the vapidity of the obsessive focus, during the Bush-Dukakis campaign, on the time he said "just a splash" when asked if he wanted more coffee, in a diner in New England. (I don't get it myself – perhaps that's a sign of just how securely out of the upper crust I am – but the Dowd-calibre sociolinguists of the New York Times and other fine organs [huh huh huh…. he said "organs"] assure us that this is something Little Lord Fauntleroy would say. Then there was the blather about "who among us doesn't like NASCAR?", which in this case wasn't even something Kerry said, though it was typically reported as such, but rather something Ann Coulter (or Coulter wannabe – can't be bothered to Google it) invented as allegedly the sort of thing Kerry would say.

        And so it is here. Romney can rabbit on about raising military spending and balancing the budget by putting ads on Sesame Street and this isn't immediately followed by a flat comparative statement of the numbers this proposal actually involves. He can make the calculated insinuation that Obama isn't truly American because he visits his family over Christmas (and further that Hawaii isn't truly part of America). Not a peep. And of course I could go on all day. But let Romney say "varmints, as it were" in the course of his lame description of his huntin' and killin' practices, and watch the falcons of the press descend.

        • Radiotherapy

          I must say, my fellow distinguished commentor, Chich, you have resoundly dissected both the Mitten Man's false equivalency and the broader notion of the use of commoner language extolled by these upper crust snobs.
          Thank you sir; and a splash of Cuvée aux 6 Cepages in your honor.

        • Blueb4sunrise

          Well, it seems SOMEONE got up on the wrong side of the Urals today.

        • I think you rather insult that noble bird by comparing our press to falcons. A more accurate appellation might be "dung beetles," or "shithouse flies." Judging by what they purvey, of course.

          • Chichikovovich

            "shithouse flies."

            It does? Where?

          • Honestly, Chich, I'm *shocked,* shocked, I tells ya.

            The night was dark, the sky was blue
            Down the road the shithouse flew
            A bump was bumped, a scream was heard
            A man was hit by a flying turd.

            Ya didn't even know this famous piece of common folk doggerel? Shocking!

        • tessiee

          "organs [huh huh huh…. he said "organs"] "

          Oh, yeah? Well, YOU said "firkin"!

        • tessiee

          "that is one thing a Republican candidate (and, one hundredfold, a Democrat, it goes without saying) will get grilled for by the press: speaking in a way that makes them sound like a fancypants. (Or more exactly: makes them sound like the pampered, well-educated, country-club attending denizen of the upper crust that they are"

          One of the most perceptive things that the former Mr. Tessie ever said was, "Poor people don't hate rich people; they hate smart people".

          • Chichikovovich

            [For some reason this reply didn't appear, so I'll post it "manually". Sorry if it turns into a double post.]

            He might enjoy this 100% guaranteed true conversation between me and my sister, a pediatric physiotherapist at a big children's hospital.

            Chichikovovich's sister: We had a visit from some of the players on [Local Sports Team] to visit the kids yesterday.

            C.: How did it go?

            CS: Great, the kids all love athletes. Especially the kids in wheelchairs or with other physical disabilities. They just idolize people with physical power and grace. The kids who can recover with therapy have goals of trying to be like them, and the kids who know they won't leave the wheelchairs sort of move vicariously through them, and fantasize being like them.

            C: Great stuff.

            [brief pause]

            C: It's a shame that dumb people don't have the analogous reaction.

          • Blueb4sunrise

            Is your sister single?

        • And whatnot.

    • tessiee

      When I read Romney's statement/hissy fit about the President daring to go on vacation, I thought, "Oh, eat shit!". That *kind of* sounds like "let them eat cake".

  • Well gee Mittens, maybe if you had won the presidency in 2008, you could be the one vacationing somewhere warm while Obama and a bunch of other Dems spend the holidays slogging out to every pasture and grain silo in Iowa to suck up to crowds of pasty fat asses in Christmas sweaters they got out of the half-off bin at Wal-Mart. But since you were a loser the last time around, this is what you get. And when you lose this time around, you can start booking rooms at the Best Western in Dubuque or Ames or wherever for the last week of 2015 in your never-ending quest to not be a loser. SPOILER ALERT: Even if by some miracle you win an election one of these days, you'll still be a loser.

  • Crowe2011

    Gimme eat! Give everybody eat!

    • tessiee

      Let them eat cakes we like!

  • freakishlywrong

    Vulgar, wealthy, hyperbolic douchenozzles are people, my friend.

    • Chichikovovich

      Technically, yes.

  • Schmegeg

    Obama is to privileged. Gingrich is a flipflopper. Where does Mittens come up with this shit (Hint-he looks in the mirror?)

    If he didn't want to be president so bad he could buy a small tropical islet and play golf all the time. I wish he would follow dad's lead and say he was brainwashed about something. Then we could be rid of him.

    • tessiee

      "If he didn't want to be president so bad he could buy a small tropical islet and play golf all the time."

      You raise an interesting point here. Becoming President would actually be a downward move for Mitzi. All that work (and he'd have to do *some* of it at least *some* of the time) would be a drastically worse standard of living than the lying in a hammock between two palm trees that he could be doing *right now*, and for the rest of his life, with all that fucking money. This baffles me, and I can only hazard a guess that he must like attention even more than he likes money, if that is humanly possible.

  • Puffperney

    Wait till Romney finally lets the public see his tax returns. Then we find out that he has violated the "Buffet rule" ( pays a much lower rate than ordinary folks). …and then he loses to Obama.
    …one hopes!

  • Dashboard Buddha

    At first glace at the picture, I thought it was the Rat Pack. Then I noticed the lack of a black dude and thought it was a Frat Pack.

    Then I saw Rick Perry and realized it was just a pack of douchebags.

  • Harry_S_Truman

    "If you want to know what god thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to."

    Dorothy Parker

  • proudgrampa

    To all my fellow Wonketteers:

    Happy New Year!

    I sincerely hope that we survive 2012 and all its insanity. Looks like it is going to be a nutty year.



    • The same to you, proudgrampa, and big hugs too.

    • tessiee

      Right back atcha, and to all!
      2011 was a tough year for a lot of people I know and love (and some who I just tolerate, but I digress). Let's hope 2012 will be better.

    • ProgressiveInga

      I'm not sure I want to survive. Just think, next year at this time we will be getting ready to swear in Willard Romney as the President of the United American Emirates (sponsored by BP) as he places his hand on the Constitution and swears to the Book of Mormon to uphold the rights of corporations. Vice President Marco Rubio will be looking up (he's really short) lovingly as he dreams of living in a home that is not foreclosed upon and presiding over the Senate, where Mitch McConnell will decry the use of the filibuster by radical liberals. Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg will keel over and be replaced immediately by Justice Rick Perry who will be grateful that he is one of the chosen seven. Secretary of Defense Herman Cain will declare war on Labia and Secretary of Health and Human Services, Rick Santorum, will declare war on uteri. Energy Secretary Sarah Palin will quit after her first month because she will realize that she has taken a 3000% cut in pay.

      So…….I just talked myself into sticking around for the fun. Happy New Year Grampa, I enjoy your posts immensely.

      ☮ ~ Inga ~ ☮

      • And I was just about to launch into a passionate plea for you to stay, too.

        I suppose I have to point out that Herman Cain declared war on Labia some four decades ago? Also, Sarah Palin doesn't DO math, so she has no idea what a 3000% pay cut means. Jes sayin'.

        Also, I sure am glad you decided to stick around, Inga. (hands over Palin voodoo doll and pins) Get busy stickin'.

    • rocktonsam

      new, happy year , proudgrampa and the wonkettes

      RECALL WALKER! also

      • Thanks, rocktonsam, same to you, and may you have the joy of laughing as Wanker does the Perp Walk! #Solidarity, also!

    • Same to you, proudgrampa!

    • Dudleydidwrong

      From one proud grandpa to another, a truly happy and healthy 2012. At this time of the year I think about that opening song from "Tommy": "Gotta feelin' '21 is gonna be a good year…" I don't have a good feeling about this one, but I am grateful to all the Wonketeers or helping me and many others maintain whatever degree of sanity we now possess. Keep the snark in 2012!

      • Best wishes for a good New Year to you and all the little Dudleys and grandDudleys!

  • Steverino247

    Your SOPA New Year's present:

    You know who else was pissed about SOPA…

    • Radiotherapy

      The 99%?

      But thanks Steverino. Best. New. Year's. Present. Evah.
      Who knew Hitler was a Lady Gaga fan??
      Don't cry, Disney owns the rights to that emotion.
      And best comment:
      Never thought I'd say this, but I agree with Hitler.

    • not that Dewey

      Was that some kind of sick joke? The video opens with an ad from Ann Romney? They should show Hitler reacting to being rickrolled with an Ann Romney ad.

  • Beanball

    Would you believe GoDaddy online gameplayers?,2817,2398038,00.a

  • LostInMaryland

    Jesus christ! Mitt keep your voice down. You will wake up the Democrats!!

  • LostInMaryland

    Why are my comments getting deleted? Hey moderator wakeup!

  • Walkinwiddaking

    "Speaking to supporters at a chilly outdoor rally, Mitt Romney on Friday sought to cast President Obama as out of touch with the economic pain being felt by average Americans."

    Ladies and gentlemen, a true life representation of dichotomy.

  • user-of-owls

    I was hoping for a separate post that was just for resolutions. My hopes have been dashed, like a frail old republican smashed against the jagged rocks. Thanks a lot Ken.

    My Resolution: I resolve to not do the things I'm not doing now.

    Et voila.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      And I resolve to keep doing what I am doing now, because, at least at this point (09:28 PM) those things got me through 2011). May cynicism, skepticism, and snark reign in 2012!

    • Needs MOAR frail old Republicans smashed against jagged rocks, pleez.

  • user-of-owls

    To all and sundry,
    Friends & Humorists;
    Comrades in Arms;
    Bringers of Tears;
    Bringers of Laughter;
    Bringers of Love,
    When It's Needed Most.

    The happiest of a happy New Year to you all.

    • On the mark, as usual, Owls. All the best to you and the other eloquent members of the Wonkeratti who give me a sane place to go and so very often make me laugh like the pack of coyotes in the wash behind my house.

      I do strongly believe I would not be able to make it through another hour of care-giving to the Aged Mommy here in the Suburban Desert without several visits a day here for humor and sanity.

      A special huzzah! to those of you who are toasting the new year with sparkling cider instead of the Devil's elixir. I raise my glass of club soda to you.

      • Biff

        You too, Grrl!

      • user-of-owls

        Precisely what I have in my glass right now, grrl!

        Ching, ching!

      • Cherry soda. It's good stuff, tho! Happy New Year, darlz.

    • And the same to you, dear user! Many hugs of fortitudinousness!

      May the New Year shine down upon you brightly.

  • Negropolis

    It's coming up on 2012, you say? Come this time, next year, we're going to be partying like it's Nineteen Eighty-Four.

    Look what is in the news just tonight:

    4.0 earthquake strikes in northeast Ohio

    Nigeria's Jonathan declares state of emergency

    Video: Occupy protesters arrested at Michele Bachmann’s HQ

    May we live in interesting times.

    • Gott in Himmel! We already DO, kindeleh, we already do.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    What day izzit?

  • Negropolis

    OT: The last Des Moines Register poll has been released, and it shows what the last few polls have shown over the last few days: Mitt in a statistical dead-heat with the Ron Paul Revolution and the Santorum Surge:

    Mitt Romney: 24 percent
    Ron Paul: 22 percent
    Rick Santorum: 15 percent
    Newt Gingrich: 12 percent
    Rick Perry: 11 percent
    Michele Bachmann: 7 percent

    I'm still not sure how this will turn out. Can Mitt buy enough caucus-goers to win, or will the fervor of the Paulites transfer into votes at the caucuses?

    • Dudleydidwrong

      With that list staring us in the face there is but one conclusion: if any of those turdblossoms win in November, we're screwed, screwed, screwed. So let's party like we're on the Titanic and there's an iceberg in sight.

    • tessiee

      Wow, they really have nobody, don't they?

  • Buckminster

    I guess being worth a quarter of a billion doesn't make you smart enough to know an Irish setter can't ride in a dog carrier on top of the station wagon all the way from Mass. to Canada. Putz is still a putz. I spit in his general direction.

    • tessiee

      I don't think being worth a quarter of a billion makes him as smart as the Irish Setter.

  • Is it just me or have the Wonkett front pagers forgotten about us on this New Year's Eve?

    Oh well, O/T then: Happy New Year to all the Wonkeratti and hope 2012 is a better year for all of us!

    • DustBowlBlues

      There's one more person out here among the wonkeratti. The Old Man is downtown, helping at a community event and here I am, taking time out from putting away Xmas shit to spend quality time being entertained by the comments and while I'm here, wishing everyone a HNY.

      As I'm the Xian here, you guys do whatever you do for luck and I'll pray for a 2012 that is far better than 2011. In the best case, the Democrats strap on some balls and give the Republitards the same kind of hell they give us and that Hopey will show them the giant pair it took to make the decision to off OBL and do it while publicly humiliating the awkwardly humorless little Donnie Trump.

      • Radiotherapy

        Happy Bris Milôh of the baby Jeebus to you DBB. May a bad mohel chop the weewee's off the inferior genetic teabaggers from here on out.

      • I hope your 2012 is a lot better than my 2011 – maybe Obummer can pull it off again and we can avoid four years of Ron Romney.

        • I hope your 2012 is also better than your 2011.

      • Thank you for living the example instead of simply flapping gums about being Christian (rather than, you know, DOING Christian). Thank you for all you, and your Old Man, do. May the New Year bring you as much peace and joy as you wish for. (Wish for a lot, and hope it spreads.)

  • Hey all you cool cats and kitties, sending you these wishes for a jukin' new year.

    • Barrelhse

      Thanks- today's my B'day, too!

      • Yowzah! My family has a special birthday greeting that was first spoken by my brother when he was about five. He said it and everyone thought it was so great we've perpetuated it, lo these many years. Here goes: I'm glad they borned you.

        • Barrelhse

          Why, thank you, Jukesgirl!

      • Biff

        Whoa, that musta sucked growing up! Mine's in a couple of weeks, and that was bad enough.

        • You're kidding: we share a birthday? Too fucking cool! Happy Birfdai!

          • Biff

            16th for me. This is a big'n, 60. Time to die, or something.

          • One day ahead of you, and Chinese people believe you *start* celebrating your birfdays when you turn 60. "Until then, you haven't given anything to the world to celebrate about," my Dad used to say.

        • Barrelhse

          LOL, 62, sonny. Last day of the 40's. Christ.

          • Biff

            OMG, you're old!
            I had 2 brothers and a sister all born in the 40's. My oldest brother, 1945, was the only sibling I considered to be of my generation. The younger of the older ones, I considered to be from some older generation. Then there's my youngest sister, a pup at 54, who is from some younger generation, that Generation Jones. You'd never know we wereall from the same parents, or the same generation.

      • Happy Birthday, and a very happy new year, Barrelhse. (Hug!)

        • Barrelhse

          Thanks, Happy Birthday to you!
          Where's the long-form?
          And a happy new year!

          • Thank you. Someone wished I would DIAF, but their aim was bad, and they only got my long-form instead. Such a life.

            And a very happy new year to you too.

    • You're a good pal, Jukesgrrl, thanks!

      Edited to add: One mighty hug.

  • DahBoner

    Obama put Romney out in the cold, rain and snow…

    • Damn, those black folks sure are cold-assed MEAN to treat rich white billionaires that way!

  • Barrelhse

    'Wink Taxandspend' narrates as Perry goes after Santorum – which means the Pennsylvania senator has truly arrived

    Paul Harris, Thursday 29 December 2011 17.42 EST
    Article history


    It's Rick Perry, the rootin', tootin', coyote-shootin' Texan governor whose campaign appeared to ride off into the sunset only shortly after it had launched in a blaze of glory. It is hard to remember that Perry was seen as the dominant frontrunner just a few months ago. But, hang on, Perry is not the interesting bit of this ad. What is interesting is the target: Rick Santorum. Yes, the former Pennsylvania senator and rightwing social conservative (whose name should NOT be Googled) has finally hit the big time and earned himself an attack ad.

  • My nuts are roasting and it's snowing outside. Life is good. Happy New Year Libtards. May you laugh long and hard, stay stoned and/or happy, be creative and productive and always get the best of the right wing hypocrites.

    • Fukui_SanYesOta

      and same to you Monsieur, and all the other wonketeers!

      • Radiotherapy

        HNY to you two as well.

      • Indeedy. (Hugs Fukui, who has returned to YesOtaness) Happy happy joy joy!

    • Back atcha Monsieur Grumpe :)

    • Dudleydidwrong

      "My nuts are roasting…" Your real name is "Chet," isn't it?

      Whether so or not, Happy New Year to the Wonkette Wonders who are hanging onto 2011 and this web site until the very end. Here in Sunny Florida the firecrackers have been going off for an hour but then I remember that people here can't drive or tell time. Oh, well…maybe next year.

    • And the same to you, dear Grumpe! Many fond hugs to you and Mrs. Grumpe and the entire Grumpe family of friends. May your karass always surround you with love and care. And yeah, Go Reds, Smash State!

    • Biff

      Yeah, yeah. Happy happy joy joy…

  • G'night, and all the best in the year to come, and every year after!

  • El Pinche

    Cheers! Here's to being smashed by an icy comet or vaporized by the gamma ray emissions of a blackhole or worse President Bachm–AARRGGHHGHG! (vomit!!) :

    California Stars:

    • Happy New Year, El Pinche! Thanks for the laughs, the snark, the rage, and all the good underlying it all. (Hugs El Pinche)

      • El Pinche

        ¡Salud PalinzADummy! backatcha! Im about to craSh , too many drinkies !

  • That stupid, stupid cow.

  • trubador1

    Mitt's MO is right out of the Frank Luntz "redefine-reality" school of propaganda, but I believe him when he says he loves America. Where else would a mega-millionaire elitist be able to criticize an up-from-nothing black man for aristocratic arrogance, and get away with it?

    • Extra p for that one, if I could. And all the best in 2012 to you.

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